Chapter Thirteen
After Headmaster Dumbledore's last announcement, pandemonium pervaded as cries, shrieks and gasps rent the air. Specifically, Harry and Ron looked absolutely stricken.
I hope that they're not taking this too hard, although given how close they were to Miss Granger, perhaps that's an unreasonable expectation, the old wizard thought. Afterwards, when they're in my office, I will ask them if they wish to get anything off their chests. Discussing such matters can be very difficult, but it is also very therapeutic, and children should not have to deal with such emotions themselves.
That said, the old wizard noticed that not everybody seemed to be upset. For example, many of the Slytherins responded with sublime indifference and some, like Master Malfoy, sported a rather smug look.
Clearly Tom's influence still runs deep in Slytherin, Headmaster Dumbledore mused.
But Bart wasn't thinking about Tom's influence. In fact, he wasn't really thinking at all, as he was overwhelmed by shock. He wasn't Hermione's biggest fan, but that didn't mean that he wanted to see her get hurt.
Gemma was similarly shocked. Not so much over Hermione, although she knew that Bart was familiar with her – but over Penelope. Sure, you couldn't date Percy Weasley without being a tad bossy and insufferable yourself, but underneath that bossy exterior lay an intelligent, kind-hearted soul. For instance, Penelope had often helped Gemma with schoolwork when they were younger.
Heck, even nowadays Penelope asked her how she was when they saw each other. Of course, Gemma had never been particularly open with her – after all, she couldn't afford to show weakness in such a treacherous environment – but it was the thought that counted.
But not everyone had such charitable thoughts.
"I SAW POTTER FIGHT WITH CLEARWATER! HE MUST HAVE DONE IT!" Ernie yelled.
"OH FECK OFF, MCMILLAN!" Seamus Finnigan piped up as Harry groaned. "I SAW GRANGER EAT THE HEAD OFF SIMPSON AT THAT PHOTO SIGNING! CHANCER MUST'VE DONE HER IN!"
"SILENCE!" the headmaster's Sonorous-enhanced voice rang out. The hall immediately piped down, because if Dumbledore asked you to do something, you listened.
"Mr. Potter and Mr. Simpson are in this hall with us. Unless you are suggesting that they can be in two places at once, they could not possibly have been responsible for this", the headmaster explained, in a gentle but firm tone that commanded respect.
Took him long enough, Bart thought as the headmaster continued.
"I must solemnly inform you that all students must return to their common rooms by 6pm. Students may not leave their common room until the next morning. A teacher will escort you to each lesson, meal and bathroom break. Evening activities will also cease."
Amidst the groans and mutters that transpired, the headmaster thought it prudent to deliver some good news.
"On a more positive note, Professor Sprout has informed me that the cure for the petrified students is almost ready. They will be revived soon, and when they are, they should be able to help us catch the culprit."
The headmaster wasn't sure if he really believed that, but maintaining morale was more important than maintaining the truth. And morale skyrocketed, as many of the students cheered and whooped. Even Gemma and Bart felt relieved.
If Draco did, however, he certainly wasn't showing it. And the headmaster couldn't help but notice how sullen Lucius looked as he made his way to Professor McGonagall.
"Minerva, please usher Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley to my office."
A short while later, the pair followed their ageing Transfiguration teacher down the hall.
"That was weird", Ron muttered.
"Look, I'm sure that Professor Dumbledore was just trying to help", Harry remarked. In truth, he appreciated the headmaster's overtures, but he just wasn't comfortable discussing his deepest feelings with the man.
"Yeah, I suppose so", Ron indifferently remarked as the professor ushered them into the hospital wing. There lay Colin, Cormac, Hermione, Justin, Penelope and two other figures with heavily bandaged faces. But Harry and Ron recognised them at once.
"Simpson!" Ron gasped.
"Farley?!" Harry exclaimed.
Madam Pomfrey shuffled up to them.
"These Ravenclaws summoned Professor Flitwick after finding them unconscious by the wall outside. They were obviously physically assaulted; their faces looked ghastly. But they'll be as right as rain within a couple of hours."
Harry and Ron glanced at each other before sliding past the three Ravenclaws and sitting by Hermione's side.
"Do you think she figured out what was going on?" Harry whispered into Ron's ear.
"I dunno. Maybe someone in the forest can tell us."
"Yeah", Harry sighed as he stared at Bart's unconscious figure. "We'll have to go ourselves. We can't wait for Bart; we don't know how long he'll be out for.
So…are you ready?"
Ron nodded.
"I was born ready."
With that, the two stood up and marched for the exit. But before they got there…
"Potter! Weasley!"
The two turned around as Terry fixed them with an uncharacteristically serious expression.
"What are you two doing?"
After some consideration, the Gryffindors approached them.
"We're going into the Forbidden Forest", Harry replied.
After a moment's silence...
"Was that a joke? Because it wasn't funny", Anthony noted.
Ron shook his head.
"Nah, mate. We reckon that someone in the forest knows what's going on."
The Ravenclaws looked at each other, before taking a shot of courage. But Terry had one more question on his mind.
"How do we get out?"
Harry could only smirk.
Before long, the quintet was outside, with Ron and the Ravenclaws forming a circle around Harry as he hoisted his Invisibility Cloak up.
"Wow Potter, I've never seen an Invisibility Cloak that fitted so many people underneath it before", Sue marvelled. "Where did you get it?"
"It's a family heirloom", Harry blandly explained as they arrived at Hagrid's hut. Usually, Hagrid's warmth made the hut seem so cozy and inviting, but now that he was gone, the hut looked like the ramshackle little thing that it really was. And the encroaching cold of the night made the place even less inviting.
Not that Fang cared, as he bounded up to them. But before he could bark and potentially bring the whole castle down on them, Harry quickly clamped the boarhound's mouth shut with some treacle toffee.
Sue gasped.
"Potter, you shouldn't feed him that!"
"No, but we couldn't let him tip the castle off, either", Harry explained as he threw the Invisibility Cloak onto Hagrid's table.
Ron nodded before we chimed in.
"Yeah, we gotta be careful. Fred and George told me that there are loads of centaurs with bows and arrows in the forest and stuff, so we better keep our voices down. We don't want them to shove arrows up our asses."
The Ravenclaws cringed, but nonetheless complied as the quintet began trekking through the forest.
Meanwhile, back in the hospital wing, Bart woke up with a groan.
"Ugh, I feel so hungover", Bart muttered to himself as he struggled with the confusion that came with his concussion.
"Well, you did hit the wall very hard, Mr. Simpson. Now, we must strengthen your skull and boost your energy, so please drink these. I'll apply this potion to your head wounds."
Hopefully that doesn't mean that I've gotten 20 years older or something AY CARUMBA! Bart thought as the stinging sensation caused by the Wound-Cleaning Potion seared him back into reality.
"ARGH, WHAT THE HELL?"
Madam Pomfrey chuckled.
"Your wounds should heal now, Mr. Simpson. Now please – drink these."
Bart distrustfully eyed the two potions.
"Mr. Simpson, I'm not trying to poison you. You won't recover if you don't drink these."
Bart sighed.
Ah, what the hell. She isn't Dumbledore.
With that, he gulped them down. Immediately, his headache eased as the room's objects came into focus.
Oh yeah, that's right! I'm Bart Simpson, and I'm back for the attack, baby! Bart triumphantly thought as his energy levels shot through the roof.
While he was recovering, Madam Pomfrey underwent the same process with Gemma, who had just woken up. After Madam Pomfrey strode off, Gemma spoke.
"You know Bart, I had the strangest dream."
"It didn't involve Drainy getting naked, did OW!"
"I said dream, not nightmare. Anyway, I dreamt that Potter was in the hospital wing."
Bart suddenly realised something, as horror surged through his system.
"Oh crap! Gemma, we gotta rescue Harry!"
Gemma's eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"What are you talking about?"
"Harry's gone into the Forbidden Forest!"
Gemma sat bolt upright as she bared her teeth.
"WHAT?"
Bart could practically feel the anger rolling off her as he shuddered involuntarily.
Better choose the right words. "Yeah…he said that he'd be going into the forest to figure out what was attacking students."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Well, Hagrid told him to follow the spiders into the forest."
Gemma looked like she was going to implode from the sheer stupidity.
That blundering oaf. "And Potter thought it was a good idea to take that advice? Hmph, I didn't realise that Hagrid performed back-door lobotomies."
"Hey, that's what he said, alright?"
Gemma sighed.
"Fine. But how do we leave the Hospital Wing without having Pomfrey raise the alarm?"
Bart thought for a moment before smirking.
"Make some noise. She'll come running; I'll do the rest."
Gemma banged the side of her bed and screamed.
"OW!"
As Bart expected, Madam Pomfrey rushed out.
"Miss Farley! What on earth's the matter?!"
Quick as a flash, Bart whipped his wand out and hit her in the back with a Confundo.
"Confundo…you will forget that me and Gemma aren't meant to leave right now."
And just like that, the matron stared at them uncomprehendingly.
"What are you two still doing here?"
"Well, we were just leaving", Bart slyly remarked as he slid off the bed. "C'mon Gemma."
Gemma quickly followed him out as they strode down the hall.
"You know Bart, before we hit that wall, I heard some fingers clicking behind us. Whom do you think was responsible?"
"I'm guessing that our good friend Draco wanted a bit of payback for that Valentine. But don't worry; he'll get his."
"I'm looking forward to it. But how are we getting into the Forest?"
Bart turned around and smirked.
"You'll see…"
Soon enough, The Green Machine was winding its way through the forest as an earth-shaking guitar riff blared from the cassette player.
"I'm a-loading, loadiiinnng my war machine!"
"So your father's job involves ensuring that your home town doesn't become a smoking crater?"
"That's right."
Gemma shook her head at the sheer irony before continuing.
"And your sister's mastered all the first-year spells wandlessly?"
Bart grimly nodded.
I never thought I'd see a prodigy who could potentially better Bart. Very interesting…
"And mum's still a police chief."
"That's great", Gemma insincerely replied, not really caring for small talk unless it furthered her aims. She then realised something.
"Bart, we don't even know where Potter is. I mean, we could be driving away from him."
"True", Bart nonchalantly replied as he stopped the car before messaging Harry.
"Hey dude, where are you? Light your wand up so I can come get you."
Right on cue, Harry felt a burning sensation in his pocket. Suddenly forgetting where he was, the lad whipped the parchment out.
Having heard the noise, the hulking, spider-like mass facing Harry stood and listened.
"What are you doing?"
"Oh sorry Aragog, I'm just doing some light reading", Harry replied.
Aragog was momentarily lost for words.
"Light reading? In the Forbidden Forest? In the middle of an acromantula colony?"
"Y-yeah."
"Are you also sending messages to your loved ones?"
"Y-yeah", Harry lied, not picking up on the implied threat.
"Well then, please don't let me stop you", Aragog replied with considerably more cheer than he had previously displayed. After all, you are going to die, anyway.
"T-thank you", Harry replied, frantically scribbling a message before directing the others.
"Light your wands up. We're being picked up."
In perfect synchronicity, the quintet lit their wands up as the acromantulas around them recoiled in disgust.
"Would you mind turning off that light?" one of the acromantulas hissed.
"Sorry, but we need to see", Harry replied.
Aragog sighed.
"Let them keep their light", the ageing spider ordered. It'll be gone soon, anyway.
Back in The Green Machine, Bart saw the landscape light up.
"There!" Bart exclaimed as he pressed the 'DESTINATION' button.
"Acromantula colony", he intoned before the HUD lit up.
"Are you telling me…that Potter walked into an acromantula colony?" Gemma seethed as her temper rose.
"Uh, yeah", Bart nervously replied.
Gemma muttered angrily before barking out some commands.
"Turn the Invisibility Booster and enchanted muffler on."
"Why?"
Gemma sighed.
"Bart, Acromantulas are apex predators. They're not going to greet us with a ticker-tape parade."
Bart couldn't argue with that reasoning, as he quickly turned both on.
"You happy now?"
"I won't be happy until I have Potter over my knee."
Bart shuddered.
Back at the colony, Harry was desperately trying to stall for time.
"So you don't want to mention the creature's name?"
"No."
"How can I change your mind?"
"By giving me one of your companions to feast on."
Silence reigned.
"Ummm…how about I go back to the castle, kill the creature, and let you feast on that?"
"How about I feast on you instead?"
Harry's blood pressure and heart rate skyrocketed as he started breathing frantically.
"I'd prefer it if you didn't."
"Well, you don't really have a choice in the matter", Aragog observed as the clicking pincers of his fellow Acromantulas inched towards the quintet, who were very slowly backing away.
"Maybe we should change the subject, then. What are you doing over the weekend?"
"Feasting on your remains."
"Nice try Harry, but I think we're done for", Ron moaned as the Acromantulas slowly but surely closed in.
But just before the Acromantulas struck…
TOOT! TOOOOOOT!
The quintet spun around as a green car suddenly made itself known.
"GET IN THE CAR!" Harry ordered.
His companions didn't need to be told twice, with the quintet making a mad dash for the car while the Acromantulas scuttled after them.
Luckily, Bart was ready, his adrenaline skyrocketing as he pressed the 'AUTO TARGET' and 'BOMBARDA' buttons.
While he did, Harry ripped open the back door and threw Fang in while the rest followed.
"Searchiiiiing…seek and DESTROY!"
After Bart pressed the 'BOMBARDA' button again, the metallic wands fired.
Spider after spider was slayed as the metallic wands relentlessly ripped through their targets. Some spiders tried to escape, but they were no match for The Green Machine's auto-targeting system, so they shared the same grisly fate as their colleagues.
Just as they looked like charging towards the car with renewed force, Bart pressed the 'CONFUNDO' button, clearing the way for The Green Machine as it shot forward before abruptly turning and speeding back towards the castle, leaving a trail of dust in its wake.
Bart pressed the 'DESTINATION' button and uttered "Hogwarts" while Anthony spoke up.
"What do you think happened to Aragog?"
"Eh, he's probably a big pile of spider chunks", Bart chimed in.
"Let's hope so", Ron muttered before Harry spoke.
"Thanks for picking us up, Bart."
"No problem."
The ever-inquisitive Terry looked around in wonderment.
"So this is how you arrived at Hogwarts."
"Sure, Terry. It's called a car."
Terry nodded before asking another question.
"You know, Penelope asked me if I showed you where our common room was. What was that all about?"
"Eh, I dropped that Luna chick off and she asked me how I found your common room. So I made something up. Sorry for dropping you in the deep end like that, dude."
Terry waved it off while Harry's eyes drifted towards the front passenger seat. He did not like what he saw.
There sat Gemma, fixing him with a murderous glare.
"Uh, hello Farley", Harry tentatively replied.
"FARLEY?!" Ron yelped as he realised that Gemma was in the car. First Aragog, now Farley…Merlin's beard, this night couldn't possibly get any worse!
"Uh, hello Farley", Gemma mocked. "Potter, you not only went into the Forbidden Forest, but you had four other students accompany you on your idiotic crusade. To converse with some carnivorous spiders. What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Well, Hagrid told me to!"
Gemma sarcastically nodded.
"Yes, no doubt. So, whom are you taking requests from next? Peeves? Gilderoy Lockhart? Or maybe Lucius Malfoy?"
"Well, at least I tried clearing Hagrid's name!"
"Yes, committing suicide in the Forbidden Forest would totally have cleared Hagrid's name."
Before Harry could pipe up…
"Don't – say – another – word. I haven't even punished you yet."
Harry blanched as he saw a tsunami form behind Gemma's eyes. It was as clear as day that this tsunami would wash Harry away, and he couldn't do a thing about it.
While this was going on, Bart saw Ronan up ahead. Suddenly, he stopped the car.
"What are you doing?" a bemused Gemma asked.
"Getting some tips for my Astronomy exam!" Bart exclaimed before he slammed the door and walked up to the red-haired centaur.
"Hey Ronan, you keepin' busy?"
"I certainly am, young foal", Ronan replied, having recognised Bart. "I trust that your study of the stars and planets has been fruitful?"
"It sure has. But I really value your insights. Can you please share them with me?"
"Ah, but insights cannot always be adequately shared. Humanity's place is on the ground, not in the stars, so their conception of the stars cannot match our own."
What a load of horseshit. "Let's keep it simple, then. Have you got any new info on Mercury and Mars?" Bart asked as he flicked a coin up and transfigured it into a notepad.
"Hmmm…I can say that Mercury and Mars are both rising, although Mercury is enjoying a more rapid ascent. But the cold rock of Pluto is circling them both."
"Ronan, what is happening here?"
"Oh, hello Bane", Ronan dolefully replied. "This young foal calls himself Bart. He was asking me about the planets and the stars."
Bane looked down on Bart with obvious distaste.
"What is the meaning of this, boy?"
"Oh, I just needed some help for my Astronomy exam."
Bane could hardly believe what he was hearing.
"You…needed some help…for your Astronomy exam?"
"Yes, sir."
Bane muttered to himself.
"Very well. Because you are a foal, you may leave unmolested. But do not bother us with such trivialities again. Do you understand?"
Jokes on you; I've already gotten what I needed. "Yes, sir."
Bane nodded.
"Leave."
Bart needed no further invitation, waving his goodbyes to Ronan before getting in The Green Machine and speeding into the night.
Bane shook his head contemptuously.
"Humans."
Ronan nodded and smiled.
"Humans."
After a while, the concealed Green Machine silently rolled to a stop outside the hospital wing while Gemma sought clarification regarding one of Sue's wacky ideas.
"Let me get this right. In Muggle television shows, the victim usually clutches something from their murderer, and this somehow exposes the murderer?"
Sue eagerly nodded.
"But Hermione and Clearwater weren't clutching anything!" Ron exclaimed.
"No, but maybe they had something in their pockets", Sue observed.
Gemma reluctantly nodded. She didn't expect Sue's idea to bear much fruit, but they were fresh out of options.
"Well, I've heard worse ideas. Let's check their pockets. Bart, hit Pomfrey with a Confundo so she stays out of our way."
Bart nodded, sliding out of the driver's seat before and sauntering into the hospital wing while Gemma had Sleazy collect the car. Seeing Madam Pomfrey in his sights, he immediately struck her in the back.
"Confundo…you will forget that you are not meant to leave the Hospital Wing for no reason."
And with that, the matron marched out…for no reason.
The Ravenclaws rifled through Penelope's pockets as the Gryffindors searched Hermione, while the Slytherins surveyed the entrance so that nobody could sneak up on them.
"I found something!" Anthony exclaimed.
As the others gathered around, he started reading the note.
"The Basilisk, otherwise known is the King of Serpents, is among the most ferocious creatures to have ever been sighted. First bred by Herpo the Foul, a chicken egg must be placed under a toad for it to be successfully hatched.
Its lifespan may stretch for many a century and its size may take on sauropod proportions as it matures. Its venomous fangs and lethal stare allow it to petrify or slay any potential predator, especially spiders on account of their wide range of vision, and it is defenceless only against a rooster's crow. Those unfortunate enough to be petrified by the Basilisk require a Mandrake Restorative Drought."
Bart sniggered.
Herpo the Foul, 'ey? Must've been treating his herpes.
Meanwhile, Sue looked nonplussed.
"Why would someone breed something that would kill them after it hatched?"
"Because he's an idiot?" Ron ventured.
"Because the Basilisk would have developed its abilities while it was growing up", Anthony reasoned. "Just like human beings do."
"But how did they discover that a Mandrake Restorative Draught would cure its petrified victims?" Terry wondered.
"Probably trial and error", Bart reasoned.
Harry, meanwhile, had an epiphany when he heard the word 'Mandrake'.
"Malfoy's family are behind this!"
Bart scoffed, while the others stared at Harry uncomprehendingly.
"No way, dude. Drain-o couldn't pull this off."
Harry scowled.
"Not Draco, his parents. I saw them buy loads of Stewed Mandrakes this summer!"
Terry immediately understood.
"So that other people couldn't buy them."
"Yeah!"
Terry slowly nodded.
"That must be why Dumbledore hasn't cured them yet. He couldn't buy the Mandrakes outside, so he told Sprout to grow some Mandrakes instead."
A genuinely impressed Gemma nodded before Bart weighed in.
"Well, I could always transfigure a rooster and whack the Bazball-isk that way. Or maybe grab one of Hagrid's. Most of them are still alive."
Gemma immediately realised that something was wrong.
This all seems too easy. Slytherin's basilisk supposedly can't survive a rooster's crow, and yet most of the roosters are still outside. The culprit's either very stupid or very complacent if that's the case…but…
She then realised something.
"Bart."
"Yeah?"
"Why were you sorted into Slytherin?"
"Ummm…I wanted to be great."
Gemma smiled before tapping her nose.
"Exactly. Now, why wouldn't Slytherin raise his Basilisk to be greater than any other?"
"I…I don't know."
"That's right. I'd say that Slytherin would have used magic to breed that weakness out of his basilisk. That's why most of the roosters are still alive."
Bart's jaw dropped in horror as he started feeling more scared than he had for a long time. Indeed, the sextet before Gemma were all showing signs of fear, and even Gemma couldn't prevent self-doubt from seeping into her mind.
But she couldn't show that. Not in front of these kids. So, she continued.
"But Slytherin couldn't have considered everything, and magic can't cure all weaknesses. So this creature has a weakness. We just have to find it."
Ron then spoke up.
"Farley…me and Harry saw something written in blood on the walls. Do you reckon that was rooster's blood?"
Gemma thought for a moment.
"Maybe. That, or it was Filch's. But that doesn't matter. What matters is killing this Basilisk. Potter, did you learn anything from your trip into the forest?"
"Yeah, we learnt that Hagrid likes monsters too much", Ron snarked.
With a swish of her wand, Gemma silenced him.
"I mean, anything we don't already know."
Harry shrugged.
"No, I don't think so. Only that Aragog wasn't born in Hogwarts at all. He didn't tell us anything about this Basilisk, either."
Gemma smirked.
All that effort for nothing. You're certainly no Slytherin, Potter.
But before she could respond…
"Hey, someone scribbled 'pipes' on the back", Anthony remarked.
"Heh, I didn't know they smoked", a bemused Bart replied.
But Gemma immediately understood what that meant.
"It must be using the pipes to move around. That's why it petrified Granger and Clearwater, because otherwise they would have tipped Dumbledore off", she remarked as she removed the Silencing Charm on Ron.
"Yeah, and the person controlling it can obviously talk to snakes", Harry noted.
"And it's slithering in and out of Moaning Myrtle's bathroom!" Ron realised. "That must have been what Myrtle was trying to tell me in that dream that I had!"
Gemma looked at him quizzically, but the six younger students were too excited to care. Finally, they knew what was going on, and so now they could resolve the matter. It was with that hopeful thought that Gemma ushered them all back to their common rooms.
The next evening, Harry was busily rubbing his buttocks as he savoured a meal that would have sated the Ancient Greeks.
Damn Farley. She hit me in the ass with that Stinging Charm yesterday and it still hurts! Plus on top of that, they're still holding exams in June! As if anyone cares about schoolwork after everything that's happened!
"You OK, mate?" a concerned Ron asked.
"Not really, Ron."
"Yeah, Farley's a real bitch, isn't she? She gave me a detention, too. At this rate, Gryffindor won't win the House Cup until after we graduate."
But they didn't have too much time to feel sorry for themselves, for Ginny tapped Harry on the shoulder. The boy almost fell out of his seat, such was his surprise.
"H-Harry", Ginny stuttered as she sweated profusely. "W-we need to talk."
Harry looked at her questioningly, but before she could get another word in…
"Everything alright here?"
Much to their annoyance, a grim-faced Percy Weasley had come to check things out.
"Back to your seat, Ginny. Everything will be alright", Percy assured his sister before guiding her back to where the second years sat.
Ron's face screwed up in bemusement.
"Blimey, what was that about?"
Harry shrugged and sighed.
"We'll ask Percy afterwards."
Soon enough, Harry found himself discussing the matter with Bart.
"So your younger sis walked in on Weasley doing something weird?"
"Yeah."
"Eh, he was probably jacking off."
Bart pictured Harry laughing his head off on the other end. But then Harry replied…
"Still, I wish I knew what Ginny wanted to talk about. I haven't seen her since…"
But Harry would find out where she went soon enough, as the headmaster's magically magnified voice rang through the hall just before Ron and him retired to Gryffindor Tower.
"All staff, please come to my office immediately. I must also see Bartholomew Simpson, Gemma Farley, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley. All other students must return to their dormitories immediately."
Meanwhile, in the Ravenclaw common room, Sue, Terry and Anthony looked at each other.
"This is about the Chamber", Terry deduced.
The other two nodded. Eschewing any sense of logic, the trio made to leave, only to be stopped in their tracks.
"Where are you three going?" Penelope's fellow sixth-year prefect asked as he imperiously stared down at them.
Anthony looked at him sheepishly.
"We were going to tell the Headmaster what we knew about the chamber, Robert."
Robert Hilliard scoffed.
"You're Ravenclaws, not Gryffindors. Logically speaking, knowing something doesn't solve the problem. Otherwise, you'd get perfect marks on every exam. And if you walk around by yourselves at night, the Heir could seize or kill you, which would worsen the situation."
The trio couldn't argue with that reasoning, as they shuffled away.
Robert scoffed.
Children.
Moments before, Draco, Crabbe and Goyle had strutted into their dormitory. The Malfoy boy had quite enjoyed the last couple of days. Firstly, the enemies of Slytherin had been laid low by the heir himself. Secondly, he had revenged himself on Bart Simpson for that wretched Valentine while teaching Gemma Farley to not defy one's betters.
And his mood only improved when he saw the lovingly wrapped package on his bed.
TO MY DARLING SON. LOVE, DAD.
Hmmm…he usually doesn't like being called that. Oh well, Draco mused before ripping open the wrapping to discover a steel pyramid which was filled with bonbons from head to toe.
"Father always gets me the best gifts", Draco boasted, smugly unwrapping a bonbon before taking a bite.
Just after he bit down…
BLAM!
Upon hearing the explosion in the common room, Bart grinned.
Heh heh heh, gotta thank those Weasley twins for giving me those exploding bonbons.
But elation turned to suspicion after hearing the headmaster's message.
Oh geez. OK, if he wants me to be one of his drug mules, he can take a hike. And if he's throwing bags of coke at the sorting hat, I'm calling the DEA.
Much to his relief, the headmaster wasn't throwing or discussing drugs. But the topic of conversation wasn't much more palatable.
"Ahh Bart, Miss Farley, nice of you to join us. I'm sorry to say that the situation is more dire than any of us anticipated", the headmaster explained as he eyed Ron.
Well, that ain't good, Bart thought.
And it wasn't.
"I'm afraid that the Heir of Slytherin has taken Ginny Weasley into the Chamber of Secrets."
That bombshell knocked Ron to the ground, while Harry himself barely remained upright.
Well, at least I know what Ginny wanted to talk about now…
Gemma's eyes widened, while Bart was lost for words. Jake shook his head in disgust, Professor Sprout burst into tears, and Madam Hooch slumped against the wall.
Willy, meanwhile, was crestfallen.
How can I pay 'im back now?
While Professor McGonagall revived Ron, Professor Snape spoke.
"But…why Miss Weasley?"
The headmaster gave Ron a long look before replying.
"I'd aver that the Heir is using Miss Weasley to lure her older brother into the Chamber."
Ron looked like he was going to faint again. But he managed to steel himself as the headmaster pressed on.
"Filius, can you please recite the message?"
A very shaken Charms professor replied.
"B-bring Bart Simpson, Gemma Farley, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley to the Chamber within two hours - alone. Otherwise, she will be lost forever."
Harry gathered his courage before continuing.
"The Chamber's entrance is in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom."
"The headmaster's eyes widened."
"Are you sure, Harry? I must say that I searched Myrtle's bathroom for the chamber's entrance long ago, but I couldn't find anything, even with Myrtle's assistance."
Harry thought for a moment before replying.
"That's because only people who can talk to snakes can open the Chamber."
The headmaster's first instinct was to slump into his chair, but he realised that Harry was intimating something. So he expectantly leant forward.
"What are you implying, Harry?"
Harry took a deep breath.
"That I can talk to snakes."
The whole room reacted. Bart merely grinned, but others were more vociferous.
"Blimey, Harry", Ron whispered.
"That's…quite something", Jake observed.
"THAT'S PRETTY COOL, INNIT?" Willy weighed in.
"HE CAN TALK TO SNAKES?" Professors Flitwick, McGonagall and Sprout shouted.
"HE'S A PARSELMOUTH?" Madam Hooch and Mr. Slughorn exclaimed.
"Just like V-Voldemort", Gemma mused.
"It's truly remarkable…how someone with such little talent could have such an extraordinary gift", the newly reinstated Potions professor sourly muttered.
"Silence!" the headmaster ordered. "Harry sharing some of Lord Voldemort's abilities does not make him like Lord Voldemort! You are defined by your choices, not by your abilities!"
He then turned to Harry.
"Do you know anything else about the Chamber, Harry?"
Harry made eye contact with the headmaster as he spoke.
"The creature attacking the students is a Basilisk. And a rooster's crow can't kill it."
The headmaster thoughtfully nodded before silencing the room once more.
The old man knows everything, I bet, Bart thought, having witnessed him making eye contact with Harry. Professor Snape then spoke up.
"For all we know, the Basilisk will kill the quartet as soon as they enter the Chamber."
The venerable headmaster nodded.
"Which is why we must blind it first. Fawkes?"
Fawkes looked at the headmaster expectantly.
"We're going to Myrtle's bathroom. Students and Severus, please come with me. Jake, please go to Slytherin's common room. Horace, you may retreat to Hagrid's hut and recommence your gardening leave.
Filius, Minerva and Pomona, please do likewise for your own houses. Rolanda, please return to your office. Willy - ".
"I'll come along as well skip, if ya don't mind!"
"Very well", the headmaster replied while Snape swore under his breath.
When the group ventured inside, a squat ghost with thick glasses flew up to greet them.
"H-headmaster?" Moaning Myrtle squeaked.
"Evening Myrtle, I trust that you have been well?"
"I most certainly have not. Every time he comes in", she snarled as she pointed to Willy, "acrid smoke comes out of one of the stalls. He used to throw things at me when he was a student here, and now he does this!"
I knew it! Professor Snape triumphantly thought as the headmaster turned to Willy.
"Would you care to explain, Willy?"
"Ah, I was just lighting up some fags, headmaster. Nothing to worry about, 'ey Merts?"
Myrtle was about to voice her disagreement, but the headmaster beat her to the punch.
"In future, could you please find another bathroom, then?"
Willy saluted the headmaster.
"Nothing to it, mate!"
The headmaster nodded before turning back to Myrtle.
"Does that satisfy you, Myrtle?"
"Yes, it does. Thank you", she huffed before flying away.
"Wouldn't want her hosting any game shows", Bart muttered.
"No, I suppose not", the headmaster chortled. "Although everybody has their hidden talents…anyway, can you please locate the entrance for us, Harry?"
Harry ventured towards the same sink that Myrtle had previously pointed out. He couldn't find anything then, but maybe now that he knew that the heir was a Parselmouth…
After much searching, he finally found a tiny snake on one of the copper taps.
"Open", Harry commanded before furtively looking at the headmaster.
"Try again, Harry."
Like a man possessed, he stared at the snake, willing himself to believe that it was alive.
"Open."
A hissing sound pervaded as the tap started glowing. A brilliant white light illuminated the room as the tap spun itself and the sink out of sight. Only a wide, exposed pipe remained.
Realising that was his ticket, Harry turned to the others.
"I'm going under."
The other three students joined him by the pipe, but before they slid down…
"I cannot let you four go down there by yourselves."
Bart looked at him irritably.
"Headmaster, didn't you read the note? We have to go alone!"
Professor Snape scowled, scarcely believing that he was backing up Bart Simpson of all people.
"He's right, Albus. For all we know, the heir has rigged the Chamber to detect any hidden intruders. If the heir sees that these four are not alone, he will most likely kill Ginny Weasley immediately." Assuming that she is alive, of course.
The headmaster stared at him thoughtfully, while Gemma took advantage of the stalemate by walking up to the headmaster and shoving a parchment into his hand.
"We'll use this to communicate with you. If the coast is clear, you will know."
As Gemma walked away, the headmaster turned to Fawkes and nodded.
"What are you doing, Albus?" Snape hissed.
"I doubt that the heir will take a songbird too seriously, Severus", the headmaster whispered back. "The heir's concerned about encountering extra people, not extra birds."
While they were conversing, Gemma commanded the boys.
"Alright boys. One, two, three, GO!"
And with that, Fawkes flew towards the quartet as they slid out of the headmaster's sight.
Author's Notes for Chapter Thirteen
Well, at least that delay wasn't as long.
I said that the Ravenclaws would play a bigger role in this story, so there you go.
Bart getting exam tips from the centaurs was a call-back to the last chapter of Book 1.
The Basilisk being vulnerable to a rooster's crow is such a dumb weakness, especially in light of Bart's abilities, that I decided to remove it. I didn't want the fight in the Chamber to be TOO easy.
It would make more sense for Tom to bait Harry/Ron more directly than he did in canon, because Tom wanted to meet Harry. Also, Dumbledore not bothering to search Myrtle's bathroom for the Chamber's entrance makes no sense. He's not a Parselmouth though, so he wouldn't have found it, anyway.
Bazball: cricket neologism
Pottermore: Robert Hilliard and Exploding Bonbons
Songs: Green Machine by Kyuss, Seek and Destroy by Metallica.
Sean Mulligan: Thanks for the compliments. In retrospect, you're right, but Bart only reads for practical reasons so it doesn't matter, anyway.
James Songbird/Monster King/alexeie2006: Thanks.