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Chapter 6
gone too soon, like a candle in the wind
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Note: a bit of a shorter chapter today, it just did not want to be written :)
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64年1月31日
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Akuto stands in the hallway, leaning against the wall, his arms hanging uselessly by his side. He watches as Nanami kneels before the butsudan, her head bowed, her fingers intertwined. He can't hear her prayers, only the distant clatter of dishes from the kitchen. Okan and Fuguki-oji are preparing each of their siblings' favourite foods for dinner later, having already had their turns.
He briefly closes his eyes. Lets the quiet of the place linger.
It's the thirty-first day of the first moon of the year, the one day his family always makes sure to be home for. The day two of Okan's and three of Fuguki-oji's siblings died. The day hundreds upon hundreds of children died. The day when children were forced to kill their close friends and families were torn apart.
It's the day of the Old Graduation Exam.
Memorial Day.
The katō tried to give it a name that tastes softer. Something that can distance them from the massacre, but it's like putting a mask over a festering wound. It's a day to remember, after all. To remember all the bloodshed. To remember all the souls lost and the suffering that day caused; the effect the graduation exam had on their caste, beyond the grief and torment.
He wonders how the lack of it will change the katō. Will there still be many children in every family? Will fewer children be neglected? Will the rift between kekkei genkai users and regular ninja shrink? Will the non-offensively skilled branches grow? Will it change how everyone looks at each other?
Akuto bows his head as Nanami steps out, dressed in a black kimono. Same as him. She has no hair to let down like the rest of them, having shaved it all off after some kachū cunt pulled it in a fight and used it against her. Her hands are clenched at her sides, her face puffy, and her lips are pressed together as though they're swallowing something she doesn't dare speak aloud. Her eyes are teary and, for once, she doesn't try to hide it.
Nanami bows back, and they silently swap places.
He kneels before the butsudan. Before the ghosts still living in his family's hearts. It stands quietly against the wall, faint light casting long shadows over its surface. A framed collection of poorly developed photographs sits in place. Incense burns beside them, smoke curling upward in thin tendrils, mixing with the bouquet of white chrysanthemums, lilies, carnations, and camellias, accented with green foliage encircling the flowers. Lamentation and grief; purity and restoration of the soul to a state of innocence; love and admiration; noble death— like a samurai falling gracefully in battle. A life ended not with a scream, but with honour.
They have no urns, no earth burials. In Kiri, they scatter the cremated ashes in the ocean, to ensure that their loved ones are swept away to the Pure Lands safely.
Akuto claps his hands together and bows.
So, today, they gathered to honour aunts and uncles Akuto never got to meet. Minato, Azumi; Guen, Suguru, Yasagu. Naohisa, Hinagu, and Gunji died as well, but on different days. Still. They all share a butsudan, even with Obaa-san and Ojii-san, and Takeshi-ojiisan and Ayumi-obaasan.
They celebrate Obon in August as well, to honour the spirits of all their ancestors, but Okan likes paying additional respects to the dead on their death-day anniversaries.
He wonders, briefly, if his family back in Before does the same.
Who's he kidding?
It'd be a miracle if they even buried him.
He pushes the thought away. Focuses on the here and now. The pictures are neatly arranged in order of their death, from latest to oldest. Guen, Fuguki-oji's older sister, was first. Dead at thirteen. She had round, green eyes, short brown hair and pale, almost translucent skin. Guen was always rather sickly, but since they all came from Saigawa, becoming a shinobi was the only way out they knew. She killed her friend but then succumbed to her injuries and overwhelming grief the same evening.
Then Azumi, Okan's only sister, died at eleven, having failed to kill her best friend. She had the same high cheekbones as Okan, Nanami, and himself. But where they make Okan look proud and Nanami beautiful, they look too sharp for her. She had grandfather Michio's brown hair, brown eyes and tan skin; the only two in the family. Michio's mother travelled with him to Kiri to sell wares from a small city in Lightning Country but lost her life here in Kiri, protecting her wares from the wrong person.
Okan never speaks of Azumi-oba without a tightness in her voice, the kind that only comes from a grief that never really fades. He wonders what kind of person she might've become— if she'd have laughed the same way Nanami does. Would she have grown to resent the caste system as much as Okan does? Would they've been close?
He traces the kanji painted on the frame of her picture. The A in his name comes from hers. Peaceful, quiet, calm. He's pretty sure both Okan and Obaa-san thought mostly of that first meaning when giving them their names. Nanami is similar, though she and Azumi don't share the same kanji. Azumi's name means beautiful peace and longevity.
He takes a deep breath. Two years after Azumi, Minato died. Minato was ten when he died, the year Akuto was born. He would've been nineteen now, younger still than Akuto was when he died in that car accident at twenty-three. Minato had the same black hair Okan and he have, but bright brown eyes, dimpled cheeks, pale skin, and slight wrinkles by his eyes from too many smiles. Nanami always talks about him like that— as if he was the light in the darkest days. But he never got to grow up. Like a cruel exchange; one life snuffed out as another begins.
The to in his name comes from Minato-oji's. As does the na in Aneki's name. Neither of them share a kanji with him, though. Minato's name can be read as beautiful voice. The ku in Akuto's name comes from Okan's elder younger brother, Naohisa. For a long time, their shared kanji can mean, but also ironically— intuitively, perhaps— from long ago or from the past. Naohisa-oji's name can be read as long-lasting honesty. His own name can be read as long-standing peace that soars. At least, that's what Okan intended for it to mean, he thinks. Nanami's simply means seven seas, though it suits her perfectly.
Last were the twins, Yasagu and Suguru, Fuguki-oji's younger brothers. Fuguki-oji once told him to story a few years ago when they both couldn't sleep under the moonlight. Told him how the twins stood before each other, expected to fight for their lives, and refused. It wasn't an act of rebellion so much as one of love. They weren't able to raise their weapons against each other, and so they forfeited their lives together, dying as they were born— as one. Both were only ten when they died. Their wide, green eyes were still full of innocence, with heir the same muted orange as Fuguki-oji's, and identical faces looking far too serious for children their age.
Naohisa, Gunji, Hinagu— they all managed to survive the exam, only for them to be taken by war later in life. Their deaths felt almost expected, like a cruel promise that has always been lurking on the horizon. Naohisa— with his brown hair and purple eyes, whom Nanami takes after so much, down to the mole under her lips, jagged teeth, sharp jawline, and their tall, lean statue— died last, when Akuto was three. Just before his memories kicked in; just before Akuto was old enough to remember more than a gentle voice and blurry face.
Gunji and Hinagu. No one is sure when exactly they died. They were MIA for quite a while, either having run away to find a better life or— well, their bodies were never recovered, no matter what actually happened. He knows Fuguki-oji and Okan were looking for them for ages, and he knows the lack of closure hangs over them like a theatre curtain that never falls.
Akuto sighs softly. He brings his hands together in a prayer. "Jizō Bosatsu-sama," he murmurs, "watch over them. Guide them safely to the Pure Lands so they may rest."
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Some more notes:
A bit more on the Names: originally, I wanted Nanami and Akuto both to share their kanji with Azumi, Minato, and Naohisa (who had a brief name change, originally he was meant to be Yuto), but that was apparently impossible. Instead, Akuto shares some kanji and Nanami, sadly none.
七海 – Nanami
安久飛 – Akuto
直久 – Naohisa
安寿美 – Azumi
美音 – Minato
飛勇 – Hiyu (soaring courage)