Buried Beneath ch14: Candid

Normandy, 2185, September 25th 5:32AM

As I hit the ground, the force knocks the wind out of me. I feel stunned as the world seems to slow down, all my focus going to the ache now radiating from my back. Everything is quiet besides the thumping of my heartbeat in my ears. Gasping for breath, I lay there, a sharp tingling running down my spine as it slowly turns into a searing pain.

"You okay?" Riley's muffled voice breaks over the sound of rushing blood.

Opening my eyes, I see her hand extended towards me. I reach up, letting her pull me to my feet. A pat on the back sends a jolt of pain through me, but I manage to keep my cool and nod.

"Never better," I reply, completely lying because damn that fucking hurt.

"Okay then." Riley steps back and raises her hands. "Put 'em up."

"Ready." I lift my fists, watching for the slightest movement, waiting for my opening. There it is, a twitch of an arm. I go in for a punch.

Riley's fast, as I've discovered over the last few days. She dodges to the left and before I realise it, her elbow connects with my back, sending me stumbling forward. I catch my footing before I fall completely.

"You'll need to be faster than that, Vex." She's taunting me, with that grin across her face.

"I can see that." I go in for another strike.

She's ready for it, effortlessly redirecting my punch before delivering an uppercut to my stomach. I double over, gasping for breath and wrapping my arms tightly around myself.

Raising a hand, I signal to Riley that I need a second. Since I'm pretty sure I'm dying.

"How about we switch it up?" She walks over to check on me. "How about some pull-ups?"

I roll my eyes. "Yay, more exercise."

"Come on." She pats my shoulder. "It's not that bad."

"Yeah, just give me a minute." I need a moment to breathe.

Once ready, I follow Riley to a makeshift pull-up bar. She gestures towards it. "You know what to do?"

"Uh, yeah," I say, trying to sound confident. How hard can it be? I grab onto the bar, looking at her for confirmation.

She studies my hands before shaking her head. "No, put your hands facing outwards and keep your arms a bit wider than shoulder length apart." She holds up her arms to demonstrate.

"I was just testing you." I readjust my position.

She raises an eyebrow. "I'm sure you were. Now, give it a go."

Pulling my weight up, I come to the realisation that-shit I'm heavy. How do people do this? I'll never admit it to her though. "See, easy." I have to hide how much effort that took.

She nods, seeming amused. "Now do four more."

Sheesh. "You're killing me."

"This is nothing," she shrugs. "I know you're in better shape than this. You carry that sniper around."

Can't argue with that logic. "Point taken." I attempt another pull-up.

Riley watches me with a playful smile. "The sooner you do this and about-" she pauses, pretending to think. "Twenty situps and pushups each, I'll let you go grab breakfast."

"Wow, Riles." I already feel the ache settling in my muscles. "Thank you for your kindness."

"Sarcasm will only add more," she warns. "Now, get to it."

Rolling my eyes, I pull myself up again. I'm going to be sore later.

Normandy, 2185, September 25th 6:48AM

Turning into the mess hall, I spot Chakwas and Kasumi sitting at the table closest to the kitchen, with Zaeed at the opposite end. With a shrug, I make my way over.

Kasumi looks up and gives me a wave. "Hi, Vex."

"Hey Kasumi, Doc," I greet, glancing over at Zaeed, who avoids meeting my gaze. "Massani."

"Ward," he acknowledges before turning his body away.

"Why don't you grab some food and join us, dear," Chakwas suggests, smiling at me.

"Uh, yeah. Sounds good." I turn and head over to Gardner in the kitchen, glancing into the pot. "Porridge?"

Gardner lets out a laugh. "Yeah, I wasn't really in the mood to cook something grand this morning. Hope you don't mind."

"Sounds great." I watch as he fills a bowl.

He holds it out to me. "Here you go."

I thank him and I make my way back to the table, settling down beside Kasumi

"I heard you were working out with Shep this morning," Kasumi says, turning her attention to me.

"Oh yeah?" I raise an eyebrow, amused. "How'd you hear about that? It was barely even an hour ago."

"I have my ways." Kasumi has a mischievous glint in her eye. "From what I've heard, it sounds intense."

I shrug. "It's not that bad. You can join sometime."

Kasumi laughs. "No, but I might consider it if Jacob joins in."

We share a moment of laughter before I glance over at Zaeed. He's been cagey for days now. I'm the one that should be mad, not him. He thought the worst of me and didn't even apologise for it. I don't have many people I can trust here and I wanted him to be one of them, but now I'm not so sure.

"Shepard is a fantastic trainer, Vexenna," Chakwas interjects, bringing my focus back to the table. "You're in good hands with her."

"Yeah." I nod in agreement. "Riley's great."

I glance over my shoulder and freeze as Archangel walks down the hallway of cryo pods. He stands by our table, his presence causing me to tense up. I keep my eyes trained on my bowl, refusing to acknowledge him.

"Sorry if I'm interrupting," Archangel says, his tone neutral.

"Nonsense, Garrus." Chakwas waves a hand dismissively. "What do you need?"

"I'm just reminding Kasumi that we have a debriefing to get to," he explains.

Kasumi glances at him. "Oh, was that now? Well, it was nice catching up, Vex. Bye, everyone."

Chakwas bids her farewell, but Zaeed remains silent as Kasumi follows Archangel to the elevator.

I hate him. Everyone acts like I'm the one in the wrong, that it's my fault. He's the one who started it. No, I can't let it get to me. I can't be like Zaeed, I just need to relax, to get a hold of myself.

Pushing back from the table, I stand up, suddenly wanting to leave. Chakwas stares at me, a look of concern on her face. Even Zaeed's eyes are on me.

"I have somewhere I need to be, thanks for the company," I announce abruptly, picking up my bowl and hurrying it to the kitchen before heading for the elevator.

As the doors slide open, Miranda steps out. We both pause, making eye contact. She seems surprised but quickly recovers.

"Oh, sorry Vex." Her brow furrows in concern. "Is something wrong?"

"Uh-" I hesitate, unsure if I should answer that. "Sort of."

"We can talk in my office if you'd like," Miranda offers, shifting her weight.

I consider it for a moment before shrugging. "Yeah, sure."

She nods and guides me to her room. Surprisingly, we walk past the desk and head straight for the couch behind it. As I take a seat, her eyes meet mine briefly.

A comfortable silence falls between us, lasting only a moment before the sense of vulnerability starts to creep in. It's not easy to open up, especially to someone like Miranda. I'm starting to second-guess this whole thing.

"Did something happen?" Miranda's voice pulls me from my thoughts.

How do I even explain it? I'm changing in so many ways, yet it feels so effortless. And maybe that's just the influence Riley has over others, or maybe it's always been there.

I take a deep breath, readying myself for what I'm about to ask. "Did you think I was a bad person when we first met?"

Surprise crosses her face. "To be honest," she begins, regaining her composure. "Initially, I saw you as just another nobody from Omega. Your actions didn't do much to convince me otherwise. I saw you as a threat to the mission."

Her honesty hurts, but I appreciate it nonetheless. "Oh."

"But things changed on Purgatory," Miranda continues, her tone softening. "You proved yourself that day."

I nod slowly. "Not so much on Horizon though." I don't think I could ever forgive myself for fucking up that bad.

"What do you mean?" Her brow furrows again as a curious expression appears on her face.

What? What is she talking about? "I screwed up. I got hurt and I almost ruined every-"

"Vex," she interrupts, her hand gently resting on my shoulder. "Accidents happen, it's part of the job. You can't blame yourself for getting injured."

I pause, focusing on her hand, letting it ground me for a moment. Her touch is warm and comforting, and for a second, I'm tempted to lean into it. But just as quickly as it came, her hand slips away, leaving me to my thoughts once again.

I refocus on our conversation. "I know it's stupid," I confess, playing with the hem of my tank top. "I wanted to prove myself on Zorya so I could make up for it."

"You didn't need to." Miranda lets out a sigh. "But from what I read in the reports, you did."

"Zaeed thought I would let them die." My voice is barely above a whisper. "I'm not that kind of person."

Miranda is quiet for a moment. "I haven't known you long," her lips curl into a small smile. "But I saw how you treated Lia'Vael nar Ulnay, a complete stranger. Zaeed never really knew you."

"You don't know me either." Not that I give her any other choice.

"True," Miranda concedes. "But I'm an excellent judge of character."

"I hope you're right." My eyes drift to my hands.

"I'm always right, Vex," she reassures me. "Cerberus gave you a second chance, a clean slate. You don't have to return to Omega, you can do whatever and be whoever you want. Your past doesn't define you, what you do now does."

Her words linger, and I can't help but wonder if she's right. But, I can't trust her, no matter how much I wish I could. Her ties to Cerberus seem to run deep. And I don't even know why.

"Miranda." I look up, meeting her gaze. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Surprise briefly crosses her face before she nods. "Of course."

Okay, here goes. "Why do you trust Cerberus?"

Miranda's brow furrows again, her eyes searching my face. "Remember how I told you about my genetic modifications?"

"Yeah." Where is she going with this?

"Well." She sighs, her gaze drifting downward for a moment as she brings a hand up to brush some hair from her face. "That wasn't my choice. My father created me."

Uh. "How is that even possible?"

"Most of my genetic material is based on my father's tissue. He altered his Y chromosome with an amalgam of desired traits." She's so matter-of-fact as she crosses her legs.

What the fuck? "Why did he want to create a daughter?" I'm not sure I understand.

"He didn't want a daughter, he wanted a dynasty," Miranda sneers. "He's egomaniacal, but he's also ruthless and controlling. I ran away when I was old enough. I went to Cerberus because I knew they could protect me." I didn't see that coming.

"Is he still after you?" The way she describes it all... he sounds like a piece of shit.

She gives me a look that I don't really understand. "My father invested a great deal in his dynasty. He won't give up so easily on his... investments."

"I'm sorry." I don't know what else I can say.

"Don't be." She gives me a small smile. "Cerberus sees the bigger picture. I feel like I have a purpose here. It helps me find meaning in how I was created."

Investment, dynasty, created. "You're talking as if you're a thing, a tool to be used. You're not. You're your own person."

Miranda falls silent for a moment, there's a mix of emotions on her face before her eyes move to my lips. She leans forward, meeting them with her own. I respond immediately, melting into it.

Her hand presses on my collarbone, gently pushing me down onto the couch. Getting on top of me, she lets her fingers trail to the back of my neck. Her lips move to my jaw, breaking the kiss.

A soft moan escapes me as her lips trail kisses along my jawline, down to my neck. Instinctively, my hands find her hips, fingers tightening as I lose myself in the sensation of her body pressed against mine, her mouth on my skin.

Moments later, her lips return to mine, her hand sliding from my neck to my hip. Her fingers slip under the fabric of my tank top, sending shivers down my spine as they journey up my stomach.

She lingers over the edge of my bra, applying gentle pressure that sends a small wave of pleasure through me. So much for never happening again.

Normandy, 2185, September 25th 8:13AM

"What happened to your leg?" Miranda asks, clasping her bra as she sits on the edge of the bed.

I finish pulling my underwear up, glancing down at the scar on my thigh. "Oh, that." I chuckle, tracing a finger over it. "Do you want the long version or the short one?"

She glances over her shoulder at me, humming in thought. "Let's go with the long version."

"Well, Zaeed and I were both after a krogan named Parlok," I begin, moving to stand in front of her. "He was holed up in some club. I broke in, and when I turned a corner, I saw Zaeed, gun trained on me."

She leans forward, resting her elbows on her thighs. "How did you manage to get out of that?"

"I was going to offer Zaeed some credits, but then a vorcha that worked for Parlok found us." I shoot a finger gun. "The fucker shoots me in the leg, Zaeed starts laughing, and I'm just pissed. I chased after the vorcha, leg be damned, and managed to shoot him back."

"And Parlok?" There's a genuine curious look in her eyes, something I'm not used to seeing.

I falter for a second before continuing the story. "His men showed up. At least I got to elbow Zaeed in the stomach while we escaped. I came back later that day and caught Parlok as he was changing locations."

Miranda nods and leans back on her hands. "I see why the Commander wanted to recruit you. You're very dedicated when you want something."

I place my hands on either side of her. "I definitely am." I lean in for a kiss.

She gently pushes me back. "We should probably talk."

Sighing, I straighten up. "I know." I walk over to grab my pants. "The mission comes first. It can't happen again, right?"

"The mission is important," she agrees, pulling on her uniform. "But, stress relief is important too."

Tugging my tank top down, I meet her gaze. "Are you suggesting we start casually hooking up?" That can't be it.

"It's an effective way to manage stress." Miranda places a hand on her hip. "I'm not looking for romance, Vex. Just a mutually beneficial arrangement."

"You don't have to sell it to me." I take a step closer. "I didn't say no."

"Then we're in agreement?" She extends a hand towards me.

I guess so. "We are." I shake her hand.

Releasing her grip, she picks up the rest of her uniform. "Now, you should probably get going before you're late."

"I could always skip and stay here," I suggest, knowing she wouldn't approve.

"You're attractive, Vex, but not more than my work." Miranda gives me a cold look. "Now, leave."

Pretending to be hurt, I place a hand over my heart. "Ouch."

She shakes her head before giving me a light shove in the direction of the door.

Normandy, 2185, September 26th 2:28PM

I keep replaying yesterday's conversation with Miranda in my head. What she said about her father and Cerberus... she must trust me, right? You don't just spill secrets like that unless you at least kind of trust them.

And then there's the fact that she wants to have casual sex with me. It's unexpected, to say the least, but I wouldn't say I'm upset about it. I don't have a specific type, but blue eyes, pretty, and brunette tick a lot of boxes.

It's also a new experience for me, to sleep with the same person more than once. I can't let it get to my head though, I need to be careful. She's still with Cerberus, I can't trust her.

Jack's voice interrupts my thoughts as she walks over from the stairs, datapad in hand. "What's gotten into you?" she asks, eyeing me curiously.

"Just some stuff Miranda said." I rest my head against the wall.

"Miranda, huh?" Jack scoffs, sitting on her bed. "I didn't think the bitch could say something worth putting that much thought into."

Damn, Jack. "Yeah, well." I shrug, looking for a way to change the subject off Miranda. "Another file?"

Jack nods, waving the datapad. "I still haven't found anything."

"Worried you won't find what you're looking for?" She's been at this for a while with no guarantee they will even have what she wants.

"Nah, there's a lot of files. It could take months to read them all." She gestures to the discarded pile of datapads beside her bed. "Cerberus likes to keep notes."

I chuckle. "True. I wish I could help, but you won't let me touch them."

"That's right," Jack smirks at me. "Even though I'm pretty sure you aren't with Cerberus, you can never be too careful."

I shake my head. "Yeah, yeah." Maybe she'll let me help her one day.

Jack starts reading the datapad, leaving me to my thoughts. I kind of wish she wouldn't. With Zaeed, Archangel, and now Miranda, there's a lot to think about.

Life was much simpler four months ago, back when it was just Nulan and me. I should have listened to him. I was so cocky, I actually believed we were untouchable. I needed the reality check, I just wish the price wasn't so high.

"I heard we're going to Illium," Jack interrupts, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, Nos Astra," I confirm. "We're restocking and getting some new recruits. Riley said she'll speak to them once we're there."

"There's a bar there, Eternity. We should check it out." Jack can deny it all she wants, but I think I'm growing on her.

"Yeah." I nod. "I've been before, they have great drinks." A funny bartender too, from what I remember.

"It's settled then," Jack declares.

I raise an eyebrow. "You sure you want to get drunk with a possible Cerberus operative?"

Jack rolls her eyes. "Wouldn't be the first time."

Opening my mouth, I pretend to be shocked. "You got drunk with Miranda?"

Jack throws one of the discarded datapads at me, and I barely dodge it in time. "I don't know why I let you down here," she grumbles, though there's a playful grin on her face.

"Because deep down, you know we're friends." That earned another eye roll from Jack.

"Keep dreaming, Vex." She returns her focus to the datapad.

Whether she admits it or not, I consider us friends. And that's enough for now.

Normandy, 2185, September 26th 7:13PM

Exiting the elevator, I spot Riley by the bedroom door. "Riles, wait up!" I jog over as she holds it open for me. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it." She shrugs, crossing the room to place a datapad on her desk.

"Good luck on Haestrom tomorrow, I'm glad I'm not going," I joke with a smile. "I heard the planet's sun is ridiculously hot."

"It should be interesting." She settles into her desk chair with a thoughtful expression. "It'll be hard, but we have to go."

I lean casually against the desk's edge. "Who are you recruiting?"

"Someone from my old crew is there." A small smile appears on her face. "A quarian named Tali'Zorah nar Rayya-well, I guess it's vas Neema now." Her smile fades and what's left seems so uncertain. It's kind of upsetting.

"Are you worried she won't react well to you being alive?" It seems plausible, judging by how it went on Horizon.

"No," she shakes her head. "She knows I'm alive. She was there when we went to Freedom's Progress."

Well, I'm out of ideas. "Then what's the problem?"

She takes a deep breath, slowly releasing it. "I'm worried that if I surround myself with my old crew, they would see something different in me. That maybe I'm not the same person I was, that I'm not me."

"Wow," I scoff lightly, trying to ease her concern. "That's dumb."

Her eyes narrow immediately, getting visibly annoyed. "What?"

"Let me explain." I hold up a hand. "Joker knows you, Chakwas knows you, even Archangel knows you. None of them thinks you're not yourself. Hell, I haven't seen you in thirteen years and even I can tell you're not someone else."

She gives me a look of uncertainty. "Really?"

Studying her face, I see genuine fear. Okay, this is serious. "Riles, do you not feel like yourself?"

"I-I don't know," she admits, her voice barely above a whisper.

I don't know what Cerberus did to her, but what I do know is that she's the same caring person she was when she was 17. It's just hard to see her so unsure. She's supposed to be the strong one, but really she's human like the rest-well, most of us.

Moving closer, I place a hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "It's okay, Riles. Everything will be okay."

She places a hand over mine, squeezing back. I don't know if I believe my own words, but for now, I have to. I really do hope it turns out okay for her.

Normandy, 2185, September 27th 11:23AM

"So, Riley said I'm not allowed to touch his sniper?" I ask, watching Jacob handle Archangel's weapon.

"That's what she said," Jacob confirms, a smirk on his face.

"I feel the love." I set down Kasumi's freshly maintained M-12 Locust. "It's still crazy that Kasumi got her hands on this thing."

Jacob glances up at me, seeming amused. "Ever since you started working here, she's insisted you're the only one who works on it."

"See? She trusts me." I run a hand over the sleek silver design on the gun.

"Can you blame Shepard given your history?" Jacob shrugs. "You and Garrus aren't exactly friends."

"I see your point." I give the sniper another glance. I hate that thing. "But, I'm not going to do anything to it."

He sighs. "I know, but there's still nothing I can do about it."

"Yeah, yeah," I reply as the door opens behind me, drawing my attention. "Speak of the devil."

Riley strides into the room, Kasumi and Archangel behind her. "Everything ready?"

Jacob puts the sniper down, moving to stand beside me. "All set, Commander," he confirms, hands at his sides.

"Good." Riley gestures towards the table where their gear is laid out. "Everyone, gear up."

All three of them step forward, already in their armour, and grab their weapons. I try not to roll my eyes as Archangel gives his weapon a quick look over.

I turn my attention to Kasumi, who is adjusting her gear. "Good luck out there."

"Piece of cake," she replies, fist-bumping me with a playful grin.

"You too, Riles," I say, turning to face her.

"Thanks, Vex." She gives me a pat on the shoulder.

"And you." I turn to Archangel, who seems surprised that I'm addressing him. "Don't die out there, I need you alive."

His expression changes to a smirk. "I wasn't planning on it."

We lock eyes, the tension thick as neither of us wants to be the first to look away.

"Enough of that," Riley interjects, stepping between us. "Time to move out."

They all leave the room and I get a sudden urge to find Jack for a drink, or maybe even take Miranda up on her offer. "I really wish work was over," I sigh, leaning against the table as Jacob chuckles beside me.

"Just a few more hours, then you're free," he reminds me.

I roll my eyes. "Can't come soon enough."

Thank you for reading.