satur. 17 december, 2005
…
I was correct and I didn't even try going back to sleep after I woke up the first time, I just laid there until the sun came up behind the clouds cover.
"Why don't you call off today," Dad says packing a bag to go fishing for his Saturday, I looked out the window with my head in my hand, "you don't look so good today."
He was cautious, he didn't want to offend me but he wasn't lying, I looked horribly exhausted. I can't even eat my cereal with the intense pulse throughout my skull, I got up though and I called off.
"Do you want me… to stay?" Dad asks edging towards the front door slowly.
He's excited to go fishing today with the calm weather but he also didn't want to leave me home alone. I'm shocked that he's not out searching for Bella, but it has been awhile since he went fishing with Mike Newton's father.
I shook my head, "it's okay. The fish bite better in good weather. I'll be alright."
"Alright," Dad says wiping his face and doing a checklist, "we should be back around 4." Shrugging his jacket on and grabbing his bag and tackle-box.
"Okay," I replied sitting down on the couch, tucking my legs under me as he opened the front door.
"See you later, kiddo."
"See ya, love ya."
"Love you too," he replies with a small smile and scrutinizing eyes before he left.
I fell asleep wrapped up in the couch quilt with Friends on the television as white noise, they were the only ones that saved me from my nightmares.
A light knock against the windows woke me up out of my sleep around the time Dad was going to be here, I had been dreaming about the trail in the woods. Dreaming about Bella in the woods, she's more than twenty feet in front of me with her back turned, her yellow parka the only thing I can see in the rain. I can hear her calling my name, distant but distinct. Her voice calling my name is bouncing around my empty skull with the forest being so dark and… chillingly eerie, quiet, dry, but cold.
That chill seeped out of my dream and into reality as I laid there on my side the rain coming down outside, the sky is a darker grey and the house is dark. I was beginning to feel like there was something… wrong about my hometown it was a strange feeling and random. I had the force myself to stop thinking nonsense, I am just devastated about my missing sister and having an overactive imagination that makes me have nightmares. Grief. I sighed and clicked the Guide button on the remote.
I got up after reading the clock, turned off the TV, folded the quilt up on the back of the couch and went upstairs to shower again. I have been continuing my skin routine and it has helped with the… I looked better than the first few months, but I still had a bit to go. I looked okay, less dark circles around my eyes, my head hurts. I moped over to my bedroom and laid down, hiding under the covers fully dressed except for my shoes and coat.
Dad found me there with a knock on my open door, he sighed from the doorway. "Let's go the diner." He suggests.
The diner? I… I weighed the opinions; we didn't have anything in the freezer anyway. It was just diner and I could really go for some diner food right now. Maybe I can ask for some of the chocolate cheesecake. Plus, I needed to get out of the house. I know that this was needed, I needed diner food. I know that Dad needed diner food as much as I did.
"Sounds like a plan," I replied sitting up and went over to my closet to change again.
I dressed in a pair of jeans, one of my sweaters and a thick pair of socks. Shrugging my coat on and stepping into my sneakers and laced them up. I settled into the passenger seat of Dad's cruiser after buckling, the drive to the diner was quiet except for the radio playing quietly.
I listened to the radio to avoid from thinking about my dreams, thinking about I haven't been able to stop thinking about for months. I had been somewhat successful in distracting my mind with the music, new hits that have come out and oldies taking in the rhythm of every song. The car was filled with a babble of advertising and the host of the station. The diner was a little busy tonight, once we were inside I started to relax, the atmosphere of the diner was cozy and welcoming, light and very warm. I walked over to a booth with my hands stuffed in my pockets, my head hurts still and my eyes are heavy with sleep. I wish I have been able to sleep longer, I feel so heavy with drowsiness.
I sat down and got comfortable as Dad sat across from me. He talked about work a little bit while waiting for menus and searching on what to order. I ordered the new alfredo pasta item with assorted chopped vegetables and pan seared chicken, then he asked me about my friends and school while we waited for our food. The pasta dish was amazing, Dad stop interrogating me once he started to eat. Dad and I both got deserts, he got a piece of cherry pie and I had a piece of chocolate cheesecake.
I was happy we decided to go out. My nightmares welcomed me in the little three-bedroom house that night, ruining it.
I know this is a dream by the dark blue haze framing my vision, dark blue haze outlining the scenery.
Dad will be pissed… but that didn't stop me from dressing warmly, putting on my hiking boots, gloves and my own bright pink (I didn't pick it out, Dad wanted us to have bright colors and Bella claimed the yellow one before I could've picked.) Putting my hood over my head as the rain started flinging down from the purple clouds, I gripped the flashlight and closed the back door from behind me. I left a note for Dad when he got home, there would be no doubt that he would come looking for me as soon as he reads the note.
-Went looking for Bella on the trail. Be back soon. I promise. I love you.
Just like always.
The forest was darker with the rain coming down, the air turning icy and the earth is squishy under my boots. I swallowed my anxiety and solidified myself to get this done, I am determined to find something so I don't come back empty handed. I would surely be grounded again but Bella… she keeps calling me, the forest is eerie and my instincts kicking in to keep me alive and safe. I am not afraid of the woods, I use to be in these woods for hours when I was a child, I still remember the forest like the back of my hand. I feel like a detective right now, maybe I should get into the field, Dad would have a heart attack. Maybe I'm just… what happens if I find her? What if I find something that leads us to her?
What if she ran away with Edward? I would run away with Jacob if I had the chance. But that's not Bella.
I walked for what seemed like hours deeper and deeper into the forest heading in the direction of my dreams, following the dream map, the sky is dark and the rain still hasn't stopped. Walking through forest foliage and over fallen trees with the flashlight on now, the flashlight was basically useless in the rain. I kept praying to find her, find something that would lead us to her, the pain and guilt of her disappearance driving me forward. Refusing to feel useless and worthless, she was only eighteen, in love, Bella was the most responsible one out of the both of us, always cautious. She would never go into the woods alone, and she would never come out of the woods alone. My jean pant legs are soaked, and the only thing that keeps me warm was my water-resistant parka, the dream is floating around in my head. I'm getting close, I can feel it, I started to have a familiar feeling, a sense, a familiar sense of vision.
My dreams, that one image of Bella forty feet from me with her back turned, a yellow parka and her thick long locks of mahogany hair blowing in the rainy breeze.
"Celeste."
Stopping in my tracks hearing her voice echoing in my ears, I turned in a circle slowly pointing the flashlight out in front of me, my heart picking up in pace as an eerie chill ran up my spine. I continued forward with my instincts yelling at me to continue forward, keep moving. I walked some more with my body beginning to lower in temperature and my feet are going numb from the rain soaking into my boots from my jeans. My fingers shivering as I continued to point the light in different directions. The forest is unpredictable, I wasn't going to disappear, I wasn't going to fail, I couldn't fail.
She was only eighteen, in love and figuring out the rest of her life with her beloved… I was not going to let her memory die; I was going to make her proud even if she's watching from the other side. I will find her. I walked for what seemed like hours upon hours, the rain eased up but then came pouring back down. Twigs and thin branches cracking under my boots, the wind blowing through the trees and changing the rains direction a couple times. I smacked the flashlight in my palm when it flickered and reactivated the life of the batteries, I continued forward for another thirty minutes.
"Celeste." Bella's voice is mixed with Edward's.
I stopped in my tracks and turned in a slow circle again, another eerie chill running up my spine and my heart picking up in its frantic flutter. Slowing my breathing to steady myself, turning in another slow circle my hand shivering in soaked gloves, turning to my left I'm breathed hitching catching color more than twenty feet from me. My heartbeat is in my ears.
Déjà vu.
Everything in my body slowed down as I walked in that direction, my instincts yelling at me in a hurry. I couldn't believe my eyes as I seemed to walk in slow motion to the color in the darkness, my flashlight started to go out. Hitting the flashlight on my palm to keep its life going until I'm close to the house but it went out several feet away from my target. Everything went cold and numb in me when the color was bright, a bright color in the dark earthy tones.
Was my dreams right? Or was I hallucinating? I can't believe I found her parka, it's just her parka. On the floor and covered in dirt and water, what caught me off guard is the distinct red staining all over the front of the parka. My heart shattered in my chest, crushing all the way to my core, I fell to my knees staring at the parka a couple of feet in front of me. Tears blurring my vision and a painful knot forming in my throat, she's dead. She's dead, her blood has stained the parka, I wish I found her in it. I wish I found her in a hidden house in the forest.
Putting my hands over my face, the gloves moistening and cooling my face even more than it was, my tears mixed with the rain falling from the sky. She's dead. My sister that I had just been getting close to is dead.
"Celeste." Bella called softly again.
I dropped my hands slowly and looked around me, maybe she wasn't maybe she became one with the forest and is living peacefully as a rabbit. I reached out to the parka, picked it up gingerly and examined it the little light, the color was stark contrast in the dark tones. My instincts yelled at me to go home, I listened, I found what I needed, there was nothing else in the spot or in the surrounding area. Not the right something I was looking for; I can feel his eyes like he was right in my face. I wrenched myself up from the forest floor and scrambled to my numb feet. I hauled ass back to the way I came making a right turn from when I came left, gripping the parka for dear life in my right hand and the flashlight in the other. That eerie feeling intensifying as I ran like hell was following me… I had a deep feeling it was.
I started to cry more while I ran, I wasn't sure if I was even going the right way anymore, the flashlight is dead and I feel like I'm running for my life. My legs and lungs are on fire with my never-ending run, the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. I don't think I have ever run as fast as I am right now, it would put my PE Mile Run tests to shame-.
A figure dropped down in front of me, I smacked into them while screaming, like a cold stone wall. I shoved back and my hand released my cherished items, my heart racing in my chest as I fell on my ass and stared up into the darkness. Didn't I hit something…? My forehead prickles with sharp pain throughout my head, I put my hand over my head, picking myself up. I shrieked when I felt a rush of wind and did a summersault in the air from something cold and hard wrapping around my right shin and slammed down into the earth on my back and right side. All the wind was knocked out of me, and pain from the impact, mud in my hair and all over and being washed away from the heavy rain. I can't feel my body with the amount adrenaline pumping and the strength my heartbeat, all I could hear was my heartbeat and my vision well it's fucking raining cats and dogs I can't see shit.
Ah! I'm going to fucking die! The forest is unpredictable!
"Breathe! He can hear you! You need to scream!" I'm fucking hallucinating, Bella is running towards me in a hazy form, dream Bella. "Scream!"
The hairs on the back of my neck standing up, my heartbeat in my ears getting back to my feet. The flashlight came back on, I snatched it up and Bella's parka, scrambled to my feet again and hauled ass. I shrieked out of pure fear and definitely from my brain's concoction of Bella. Something jumped out in front of me, heavy vibrations behind me, everything stilled as I pointed the flashlight up into the treetops.
"This is just a dream. Just a dream. This is not real. He's not here. He's not here." I murmured to myself with a terrified quivering voice. "He wouldn't hurt her. He wouldn't hurt her."
Everything was still into frozen time, everything even the rain flinging down from above stilled in the air.
In that single second of stillness and at a nails pace of awareness, he appeared from overhead, inhuman noises spilling between his bared teeth that shone with a silvery glint across his perfect teeth. An expression filled with hate and… thirst, destroying every good memory of him and impression of him in that single second. He promised he would never lose control of myself; he promised he would never harm us but this image destroyed all of his promises. Those heavy feet, those heavy vibrations were right behind me, animalistic sounds, growling, snarling defensive. Edwards' irises were the color of blood, rich and dark, he had been my sister's boyfriend and she loved him more than she loved anything else in this world. In some strange sense, in that same moment, I knew for a fact that he killed her.
It was clear, and he wanted to kill me too.
He dropped a foot away from me. I fell back onto my bum with a scream that pierced my ears, the sound is strangled from my throat and left them ringing. The moment he went to grab me something crashed into him from his right side, disappearing into the darkness with ground shaking vibrations, the sounds were inhumane, animalistic they hurt my ears. Sending painfully prickling throughout my ear drums and my skull, I didn't waste any time, I scrambled back to my feet, scrambling around for the flashlight and parka on the soaked forest floor. Sobbing, and frantically looking around, branches snapping loudly to my right hand my head snapping in the direction. I felt everything inch of hair on my body stand up in warning, standing up at a threat that was life threatening, this was a situation I've never been in before but had been thought to be prepared for.
Screaming again while launching myself forward away from the figure barreling towards me. I can't breathe. Running away from what was behind me, running away from the vampire that had been in love with my older sister, and the piercing noises of animals like thunder and making the ground shake.
This was something that I couldn't prepare for, there was nothing that could defend me from this. Nothing I could fight it off with, knowing that this could be the moment of the end of my life is absolutely soul crushing, terrifying. I haven't lived.
My heart is going to break through my ribcage, my head hurts and I was freaking out, gasping and running for my life. Completely numb from the chill in the air and the icy rain, the mud washing away, my legs are numb and feels like I'm not moving fast enough.
"Celeste."
I stopped right in my tracks, her voice was a lot different this time, I scanned my surrounds with the terrified quiet sob bubbling out of my throat but I didn't dare look behind me. I began running again. My heart is pounding in my chest, hearing it my ears, feel it in my throat and pulsing throughout my brain and fingertips. I seemed to slow down; all I could see was the forest in front of me as I ran. I seen fiery red hair chaotic in the wind and rain but it was gone as quickly as I seen it, I didn't pay much attention to that. I didn't stop, I couldn't stop. I laughed in relief as I bustled through the bushes, coming out of the forest from the end of my street, I ran down the dead-end road and to the lit-up porch. Dad still wasn't home; I phoned him immediately. He didn't answer, I called him two more times before I called someone.
"Hello?" I asked out of breath, tone full of paranoia as I looked around.
"Celeste? It's ... What's wrong?" The same man as always asks.
I looked down at my trembling hands, water dripping from my clothes onto the kitchen floor dirt mixing with the water.
"I-I-I-I… I-I found-d Bel-la's park-a-a. Ed-dwar-rd-s-s-s not h-hum-man..." My fear induced stutter, my teeth chattering fiercely, and I dropped the flashlight that startled me even though I watched it fall.
"You have to speak up, Celeste. I can't hear you," the man says, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, chills running down my spine.
I pushed the mic towards my chattering teeth, trying to calm my nerves by inhaling through my nose, "I-I found B-Bella's-s-s par-rka… Ed-dw-ward-d ki-ille-e-d B-Bella. I-I-I."
"It's okay, It's okay-."
Something grabbed me by the back of my neck, I screamed at the teeth piercing my neck harshly, the phone dropping from my hand as I kicked and threw my hands at the marbled boy. Fire exploding from the sight.
The dream ended there, abruptly. As per usual.