Her scream persists until she runs out of air in her lungs, cutting off only so she can gasp for a breath. Commander Ren yanks the lightsaber back out of Matt's chest, and the blonde man stumbles back. Anika takes an unsteady step forward, reaching out, her mind a whirl of disbelief. Matt's hand clutches at his wound, tearing at the burnt edge of his uniform shirt.

She lurches forward another step towards him, but Commander Ren catches her arm easily. He tugs her back, at the same time something strange begins to happen. Matt's skin is bubbling, his shape warping as his mouth drops open to gape.

Her eyes widen in disgust and horror as the features of Matt's face collapse in, his entire body spasming before collapsing. She's left staring at what's left, laying there on the floor in a messy pile. Matt's clothes are intact, but spilling out of them is what looks like… lumps of flesh.

Anika looks away from the disgusting pile of remains to Commander Ren's mask, desperately trying to understand. He stares back at her silently, his hand still cautiously hanging onto her arm. Her eyes dart quickly, back and forth between his unreadable mask and the flesh-colored pile of jello in Matt's uniform. She can't make sense of anything she's just seen.

"Don't freak out," Ren says slowly, deactivating his lightsaber.

She stares at the blonde mop of hair that's left on the shiny black floor, above the melted looking remnants of Matt's face. Anika gags, stomach acid coming up her throat to burn before she tries to choke it down. A low moan starts in her chest.

"Anika, don't freak out-" the commander tries again.

Anika is far past a rational response. She tries to rip her arm free from Ren's hold, the moan rising into something like the wail of a very confused banshee. She can't stop, her eyeballs feel like they are bulging out of her skull as she tries to process why Matt has become a pile of human blubber on the floor.

"Shit," Ren swears.

Anika's wail picks up in both pitch and volume as she pulls desperately at her arm. She wants to be free, to run screaming from whatever she's just seen. Commander Ren waves a hand, however, and she is silenced by the abrupt onslaught of unconsciousness. The last thing she remembers is falling backwards as her vision goes to black, the commander's arms catching her.

Later

Anika wakes up on something soft, her fingers brushing against silky blankets a moment before her brain catches up. Her eyes open to a shiny black ceiling and she sits up suddenly, disoriented. The motion makes her dizzy and she digs her fingers into the fabric until the nausea abates.

Where…am I? The room is dark, lit by only a dimmed light down a hallway. But she can make out enough to tell she's in sleeping quarters.

"Easy, now. You're okay."

She jerks at the sound of Commander Ren's mechanical voice, her eyes flying to the foot of the bed. He's sitting across from the end of the mattress, perched at the edge of a loveseat. He is leaning forward, his arms resting on his knees, mask staring at her.

"W-where am I?" Anika stutters, pulling her feet up and away from him. She's trembling like she's scared, why does she feel so shook up? What just happened?

She scooches back, terror overtaking her when her memory catches up with her. The commander's lightsaber glowing demonic red as he stabbed it into Matt's chest. Matt crumpling to the floor in a disgusting pile of- she gags, nearly tossing the contents of her stomach at the vivid recollection. He killed Matt…He killed Matt!

Ren sees the obvious panic breaking out on her face. He stands, palms of his black gloves held out as if to try to settle her.

"I need you to try to listen," he says carefully.

Anika gives him a fearful look before crawling quickly for the side of the bed, her eyes darting down that hallway towards what looks to be the door. She throws herself off the mattress, trying to flee Commander Ren and whatever the hell is going on.

She doesn't make it far though, as he cuts in front of her. She practically bounces off his chest, recoiling when he grabs her arms to keep her upright.

"Let me go, Sir, please just let me go," she pleads desperately. "I won't tell anyone you-you-" He what!? Turned Matt into a pile of goo!?

Commander Ren is herding her backwards, prowling towards her and giving her no choice but to retreat towards the bed. The door, and freedom, is behind his intimidatingly large black form. Anika sobs when her legs bump into the frame of the bed.

"You're okay, I'm not going to hurt you," Ren insists, stopping in front of her.

Anika searches his mask, tears overflowing pitifully down her face. He's lying, he's going to kill me, he's going to kill me like he killed Matt-

"I'm not going to kill you. Anika, please. Just sit down," he says, lowering his voice in an attempt to sound soothing. It fails to work.

"You didn't have to-Why did you-How could you do that!?" she gasps, shaking her head like she can shake the memory loose. "Why would you kill Matt!?"

"I didn't kill Matt."

Her mouth falls open as his denial, and she takes a breath that sounds more like a sob. "I-I saw you!" she exclaims. "I saw you stab him and he-he… I don't understand…"

She drops her eyes from his mask, searching the too-shiny floor of the room and shaking her head minutely still. Back and forth, back and forth. Why would he do this… How did he…How did he do that to Matt's body!?

"If you just sit down, I can explain," the commander insists.

Anika looks longingly at the door at the end of the hallway, but she knows she'll never make it. Commander Ren is too fast, and too strong. She'll never get past him, not when he can literally stop her with his mind. She feels like she's trembling from head to foot, her head spinning again as she breathes entirely too fast.

"I promise you, I have no intention of hurting you," Ren says quietly. "I can help you understand. Sit down, Anika."

She lets herself drop gracelessly onto the bed, looking up with hopeless eyes at the commander. A noise filters through the mask, like a deep sigh of relief. But he hovers there, seeming to hesitate now that he has her seated.

"I'm not sure how to do this, but…" Ren trails off before huffing. "Matt isn't dead."

"I saw Matt die, I saw you kill him," Anika insists, clenching her jaw in a desperate bid to not let renewed sobs escape her. None of this makes any sense!

"You saw someone that looked like Matt," Commander Ren tries to explain. She furrows her brow in confusion, but he says nothing else. Rather, he raises his hands to his helmet.

For one long moment, they hover there on either side of his mask. Anika's breath catches as she realizes what he's about to do. What…Now!? Now you do this!? What did it matter what his bloody face looked like!? He had just stabbed someone she thought she cared about, right in front of her eyeballs and-

There's a mechanical noise as he presses his fingers into the mask, the jaw part jutting out. Then Commander Ren raises the entire thing off his head, and her thoughts vanish. Black hair falls loose, into a mess around his face. He lets the helmet drop with a thud onto the floor.

Anika's staring at his face, her bottom lip slowly dropping to hang open. His features aren't nearly as new to her as they should be. No, that can't…how is that… But she recognizes those full lips, that long nose, those brown eyes… What the fuck…!? WHAT THE… The pale skin, even the freckling of moles across his cheek… His face is… It's… Minus the blonde hair…subtract the glasses that never fit right… No…fucking…way…

"Matt isn't dead, because I'm Matt." Commander Ren's voice is tense, but without the effects of the mask…

Shivers dance up her spine and down her arms, leaving a trail of goosebumps at the undeniable realization. It's definitely Matt's voice that comes from Commander Ren's mouth…

"What…the fuck…" Anika breathes, unable to find any other words. She blinks, trying to focus, but her head is swimming. Her breathing only accelerates as she desperately tries to catch enough oxygen in her lungs.

Ren's eyes flicker between hers, uncertain. His lower lip quivers once before he presses his lips together in a stern line. "I can explain."

Anika moves, dragging herself backwards on the bed. If she can just put space between them, maybe she can breathe. Her head is a swirling mess, and she can't think, she just needs space. She practically crab crawls across his sheets, because she realizes now, this is Commander Ren's, no, Matt's bed… no Matt was dead, wasn't he-No no. No no no. Commander Matt's bed…no no…

He follows her, face concerned. "You need to slow your breathing!"

She just shakes her head frantically, unable to articulate a single thought. Ren kneels on the bed, reaching for her. "I can help you, come here," he insists impatiently.

Anika just squeaks, shaking her head more spastically at the thought of Ren-Matt touching her. She runs out of real estate, reaching the edge of the bed but not slowing her pace. She topples off the edge in a pile of limbs, taking half of his silky, black blankets down with her.

Anika hears him swear, voice deep with frustration, before her vision turns fuzzy. Black fuzz dances across her eyes, obscuring more and more. NO! No no, nonononono-

Ren appears before her in the static, his expression one of worry and irritation. "We've been through this before, chanting 'no' is not going to help anything," he grumbles, reaching for her. But the darkness wins out over her sight, as she promptly passes out on the floor of Commander Ren's quarters.

Minutes Later

When she comes to again, it is on a significantly more mussed up bed. Ren's tucked her in, the blankets wrapped around her like a messy cocoon. Anika blinks, her eyes focusing on a med droid hovering above her head. The flashing red lights on it are offensive to her brain, and she reaches out to swat at it aggressively.

"Woah-okay, you don't have to smack it," Ren orders from somewhere close.

The med droid retreats with a series of offended beeps, and without it blocking her vision she can see Commander Ren standing next to the bed. The fear has mostly left her system, but she feels weird now. She crumples her eyebrows as she searches his face, confused to note that he looks… Nervous? It's so strange to see Matt's face above her commander's uniform.

He's taken off his black gloves, his hands clenched tightly together as he holds her gaze for a long moment. Anika's own expression gradually sours into something accusatory. Why hasn't he just killed me yet? He's probably standing there planning how best to end me-

"Hot chocolate?" Ren asks, nodding towards the side of the bed.

Her eyes widen incredulously, but she follows his gesture to see a mug of the beverage sitting on the little nightstand. What!? "Uh, n-no…" she mumbles.

"You'd really like some hot chocolate," he insists.

You know what? She'd really like some hot chocolate. Anika reaches out, wrapping both hands around the mug to pick it up. It's warm in her cold fingers, and she brings it to her mouth to sip hesitantly. It is nice, she thinks, the chocolate soothing.

But she lowers it when her brain catches up to her actions. Did he just make me…? She gives Ren a confused glare when he steps a little closer, his mouth working as if he's searching for what to say. She has a million questions, and some start to spill out of her lips.

"Why you kill Matt?" Anika blinks. No, that wasn't how she wanted to phrase that. It's like something is getting scrambled between her brain and her tongue. She tries again.

"Why did you kill Matt?" There, that's better. "How are you Matt?" The mug seems to raise itself to her lips as she takes another sip of the chocolate. She can't stop studying his face, the familiar expressions of Matt showing there in fleeting glimpses.

"If I am Matt, then you must realize that means I didn't kill Matt. I know what you saw is confusing, and this-" he gestures at his own face, which now looks like he's concealing guilt. "-isn't helping."

"But you did a murder and gave me hot chocolate."

For some reason, that is the most perplexing thing to Anika. If he isn't going to kill me…Was this typical for Ren? Did he have all his girlfriends watch him kill people and then bring them back to his bed for snuggles and hot cocoa? What the fuck…

"I-I did…" he admits, moving as if to sit near her feet. When she flinches, he stops. He paces away instead, circling the bed.

Anika realizes she's drained the mug and moves to sit it back down. But her arm muscles feel weird… Loose, like she's super relaxed… or drunk…

"What did you do to me?" she asks suspiciously. Her words keep coming out half slurred if she doesn't focus on pronouncing them properly.

Ren sits back down on the loveseat across from the bed, and now she is positive that's guilt on his face. "I…Gave you just a little bit of a very mild tranquilizer," he admits.

"You drugged me."

Ren winces, and she sees a familiar pink blush of embarrassment tinge his cheeks. She'd come to adore that blush on Matt, but seeing it beneath Ren's harsh black hair, while he's still wearing the combat suit… It's bizarre.

"I'm sorry," he admits quietly. "I need you to be able to stay calm long enough for this conversation." He drops his gaze to his hands.

His hands… Anika stares at them, feeling dumbfounded. How had she not noticed? She'd seen Ren's hands before, she should have recognized them. Both he and Matt had the largest, palest hands she'd ever fantasized intimately about… And they are both the size of trees…and they both have that odd, angry walk… Am I stupid for not realizing? I must be stupid.

"You aren't stupid," Ren breathes. "I should have told you sooner, Anika. I am sorry."

"To be clear," she begins, speaking slowly to get the words right. "Are you sorry for drugging me, murdering someone, or lying about your identity?"

"…Most of that," he replies. When Ren looks up again, his eyes catch hers and she can't look away. They're nearly pleading, desperate. "When you admitted your fantasies about me, I just… I wanted to…" he trails off, and that pink blush darkens.

Don't find him attractive now…Stop that… But she can't help it, remembering her lips against his throat, feeling the heat of that blush on his skin. She tears her eyes away as she realizes she'd tugged the Commander of the First Order into a supply closet to molest him… And he let me… He let me tug him around by the vest and shove him into a closet…

"But then when you kissed me as Matt, I…I realized you might actually like me," Ren continues, once again staring with determination at his hands. "Not because of my reputation as the Commander, just…for me."

His voice is so soft and tender, Anika feels her heart speeding up. Ugh, no. He lied to me, and made me feel bad for liking two different people when it was the same damn person! No! He is not pouting his way out of this. But he looks so damn cute, sitting there hanging his head. Stop it, Anika, he just drugged you and force fed you hot chocolate… But I do love hot chocolate…She huffs with frustration at her own conflicted feelings.

The longer she stares at Ren's pouting lips and messy black hair, the more she finds her totally justified anger dwindling. She licks her lips, a combination of the tranquilizer and sudden nerves making her feel like her head is in the clouds. "I did like you."

His head snaps up at her words. "Did? You did like me?"

She blinks before realizing she's accidentally used the past tense. "I-I mean, I do, I just-I'm so fucking confused right now…"

Ren's eyes look pained for a second before he covers it up, his expression locking into something unreadable. "I understand…"

"I mean you just killed somebody…And they turned into a pile of human colored mush…And I don't understand how they looked just like you…" Anika rambles, trying to explain.

Ren leans forward. "That was something impersonating me. When it died, it reverted to its true form."

She raises her eyebrows with skepticism, trying to let that sink in. Her brain feels like it can't handle much more, however. Regardless of how much tranquilizer or hot chocolate he gives her.

"…Who the fuck? How the fuck?...What the fuck?" All of the fucks.

"This is much more serious than you realize," Ren sighs, standing up. "We're at war."

"I know that," Anika insists. Does he think she's ignorant of the First Order's situation? "With the Rebels."

Ren shakes his head once, however. "No. With the blobs."

She tries to hold back her laughter, and fails. Snorting, choking noises issue from her throat with the intensity of her giggles, a grin breaking out on her face. He must be joking with her, right? This is all a farce? But when Ren's expression stays completely serious, her laughter dies quickly.

"Oh…You're being serious," Anika realizes.