(A/N): Split POV Lisbet and Jerremyah. Lisbet ruminates on what happened. Jerremyah ruminates on what happened, then he and Leo have a conversation about Leo being- well, a big ball of anxiety. This chapter took me like, four days to write. Is it worth it? That's a resounding no.

Lisbet

I- words could not describe the way I was feeling right now. I was conflicted about the way Leo had been acting- he had lied, but it was for Jerremyah's benefit. He had misbehaved, tried to provoke me- all to make me forget that I was mad at Jerremyah. It... it surprised me that he was willing to risk being punished- or, at least, lightly scolded, in my case- just to try to make Jerremyah's life a little bit easier.

Maybe I shouldn't have been so surprised- this was Leo, after all- but I guess I just hadn't expected him to take to Jerremyah so quickly. Or... at all, really. I had hoped, of course, but... my hopes have been misplaced before.

Jerremyah had seemed even more shocked than I was by Leo sticking up for him- and being so insistent about healing him, and removing the source of his pain. That second part wasn't unexpected to me- Leo was empathetic to a fault, so of course he was worried about the wound- the wound he had inflicted. I didn't doubt that that was bothering him more than he was letting on, no matter how he had claimed that he had only done what we had told him to.

I... I couldn't believe that he had come to me like that. Not just when he must have been upset after talking about being forced to pour drinks for his mother and stepfather- which was incredible enough in and of itself- but afterwards, on the front doorstep.

He had asked for a hug- jokingly, but still! That was a big step for him! And when I had opened my arms to him- physically, for emotionally, they were always open to him- he had thrown himself into them. There was no question about whether he wanted to be there- he was extremely eager. He had tucked himself under my chin, having to bend at the knees to do so- which was very sweet, but I would have preferred him to be comfortable, rather than try to make himself small enough to fit me, and my body.

He didn't seem to be upset about having it confirmed that Jerremyah and I were mates- not that I particularly expected him to be, but... well, I was one of his clan mates. Having to come to terms with the fact that someone who is supposed to be loyal to you, is split by their loyalty to someone else, could be hard- and I'm sure it would be even harder, if that person was... well... the one that primarily took care of you. Your 'Aunt'. He had said that he hoped I would be happy too, soon- maybe he thought Jerremyah was likely to be part of that. I knew he would be.

Leo had said he had questions- questions about me, which was just... an odd concept. I didn't think I was particularly interesting- especially compared to some of the other people I knew. Maybe the sort of questions he would ask would surprise me- after all, I hadn't expected him and Jerremyah to have a conversation about tattooing, and yet, here we were.

I just had to do my best to keep him feeling confident in being able to ask questions, to encourage him, even if maybe I wasn't the most comfortable answering those questions. It was my responsibility- and honor- to try to teach him how to be open about what he wanted- needed- and to feed his natural curiosity- in a way that I had never had the luck to experience.

Jerremyah

We were both silent on the way back to the Hunting Grounds- I think Leo knew that asking me how I was doing every three seconds would be counter-intuitive, and figured that getting down to business was the best course of action. Me? I just had the image of him throwing himself into Lisbet's arms, and tucking himself under her chin, burned into my brain.

I had moved around to the side of them, just to get a better look, and he had winked at me- winked! I- I mean, I knew I hadn't been subtle- I rarely ever was- but I had thought he had just decided to ignore whatever was going on between Lisbet and I- and Grey, apparently- when it came to him. Apparently, though, something had changed- whether that was because of our conversation the last time we were out here in the forest, or to do with the way he and Lisbet had been interacting since we had come home, I didn't know.

And it was odd to me, how little it bothered me to call this place, 'home'. I mean, for centuries now, 'home' had been wherever Lisbet was, so I suppose that was par for the course, but now... I didn't think it was just that she was here, that made made me feel that way. She made it clear that she considered this place home- and not just because her kit- Leo- was here, or even because the rest of her clan was.

I may not have gotten along with Nicholai- or even liked him, really- but he had clearly somehow made this place- a place that I had to remind myself had once belonged exclusively to Vampire Hunters- feel like a home, to a fairly wide variety of people. To my mate. For my mate, when I had been unable to do so. When I had driven her away.

I had come here thinking that I would be civil with Leo for Lisbet's benefit- because he was her clan mate. Then, once I had realised that she was treating him like her kit, I had expected to only like him because of that- because he was hers, in spite of the fact that he was also Nicholai's. But then... well. It didn't matter. Even if I hadn't have liked Leo as much as I did, I would have wanted to help take care of him for Lisbet's benefit. But... seeing how Nicholai had given her a home, when I hadn't been able to... it made me feel like I owed it to him to do the same for his son. For his, like he had done, for mine.

Not that it mattered in the end, because I did like Leo. Quite a bit, actually. Not because of who he was to Lisbet, or in spite of who he was to Nicholai, but because he was a good kid... who not only needed, but deserved, to be surrounded by people who wanted to take care of him. I could only hope that he might allow me to be one of those people- or, at the very least, to stand on the outskirts, and protect those people. I would be more than satisfied with either.

"Alright, so... how do we do this?" Leo's voice snapped me back to the present, and I saw that he was circling the carcass, somehow simultaneously inspecting it closely, from every angle, and avoiding looking at it as much as possible.

"Easy enough. I sling the deer over my shoulders- much like you did to me-" He flushed slightly. "And take it somewhere else." He stared at me for a second, then huffed, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"That's it? That's your plan?" I shrugged.

"Does it need to be more complicated that that?" The look on his face was pained.

"Not... not necessarily, but it... it leaves a lot of room for error, doesn't it." I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Like what?" I was curious as to what, exactly, his fears were. He shrugged weakly, and as I watched, his face screwed up.

"I don't know. We don't know where we're going- which means a longer journey, where your leg could give out, or we could get attacked. The others won't know where we are. The deer's going to... leak, more, the longer it's on you, which is just... unpleasant to think about. Us traipsing through the forest with a dead deer could draw in predators, of the humanoid variety, and otherwise. We've been gone a little while- if someone were monitoring us, they would have had time to set up an ambush for us, now that they know you'll have your hands full, and are weakened. Do we even know what we're looking for? What constitutes 'a good spot'? Are we already too late? There's no predators lurking around yet- other than us- but what if the deer came back? What if they know, and now they'll avoid the Hunting Grounds? And what about-" I held up a hand, cutting him off.

"Okay, alright, I get it. Breathe." He went silent, biting his lip, and I was surprised to note that, even though he had just ranted like that, I could only smell a small amount of that bitter anxiety flowing off of him. Hmm... was I just not close enough to smell it, or had he really been so much more anxious earlier, when he had mentioned Brooke breaking the door?

"I know that I'm being ridiculous-" I shook my head, and he stopped, clearly surprised by my acceptance.

"You're not. Look, you... you care." He blinked. "You care a lot, I can already tell that. About the people around you- even about strangers, but the most about those close to you. It makes you think about things that never enter other people's heads, and worry about things more than most do. That's not a bad thing." He seemed unsure about this. "And I think part of that is that you're conscious of the fact that your clan relies on you... and, well... I don't want to try to guess-" He perked up a bit, coming to attention.

"No, absolutely, go ahead! I want to hear what you think." I eyed him a bit warily, surprised that he seemed to be sincere about that- although, maybe I shouldn't have been, considering he seemed to be just a very sincere person in general- then sighed.

"I feel like you think maybe you don't deserve to be relied upon like that. Like you think you'll let them down." He blinked again, and his face went blank- like he was trying to hide what he was thinking. His heartbeat didn't help me much- it had been elevated the whole time, so it wasn't a method to monitor him- but if anything, the scent of anxiety had lessened somewhat. I don't know what that told me, other than that he was probably less stressed than before. Or, well, anxious. Not necessarily not stressed- there were other ways to be stressed, than just being anxious.

"I suppose that might be somewhat true, sometimes." Vague, non confirmatory language. Then, he seemed to decide, all at once, to cut the shit. His face split open, and he went from blank, to once again rather anxious- his scent never changed, though. "No, I don't think I'm someone who should be relied on. No matter how much training I do, no matter how often other people tell me I'm capable, I just... don't believe it, myself." My eyebrows furrowed.

"Do you think there's anything that could make you believe it?" He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

"It... I'll be honest-" Good. "I feel a lot more competent when I'm around my friends." Oh. "When I'm not- at home." It wasn't the location that did it, I was sure.

"You mean, when you're not around a bunch of much older, usually much stronger, vampires?" He hesitated.

"I- not exactly. I mean, I don't." He paused. "It's not like I feel differently around Danniel and Jo, than I do around Lisbet- aside from the obvious. Y'know... personality stuff." Was that his way of referencing the way they interacted, because Lisbet considered him her kit, even if he didn't quite know that?

"Hmm..." I didn't know what to say to that. "Well... Danniel and Jo are a few years older than you- and even if that gap looks like it's getting smaller, they're still, mentally, aging at the same rate as you. They are, technically, both adults- although, I would say that eighteen and nineteen barely counts. Unfortunately, I think it might always be like that- you are, after all, sort of the baby of the family." He winced, quite heavily.

"Oof, ouch." I shrugged.

"I'm not going to lie to you-" Except for when Lisbet asks me to. "You can always count on me to be honest with you, when it comes to something like this." He hesitated again, then nodded.

"I sort of figured you weren't the type to hold your tongue." That wasn't my sort of thing, no. Lisbet usually liked to hold it for me.

"So, you feel more competent around your friends, most likely because they're your age-" He shrugged weakly, then nodded.

"I'm sure that's part of it." I stared at him quietly, until he sighed, and continued without me having to prompt him verbally. "With my friends... I know my role. I know where I'm meant to be, what I'm meant to do, at all times. I also know that everyone else knows their roles, too- but..." But...?

"But?" He eyed me warily.

"But, something happened recently, and... people didn't react the way they were supposed to- the way I thought they would. Not necessarily through any fault of their own- one person made a stupid, emotion driven mistake, which I'm sure they'll be making amends for, for a while. Another person, my... my second in command-" His- was that normal? I hadn't been fifteen years old for a long time, and even when I had been, I hadn't really had friends- at least not like the ones he seemed to have. "...hm." He stopped for a second.

"You don't have to explain it to me, if you don't feel comfortable." His eyebrows furrowed, and then, a few seconds later, his face slackened, as if he was surprised by something. The corner of his lips quirked up, ever so slightly.

"It's not that." But he didn't elaborate on what it was. "Elaine." Hm? "My second in command- Elaine." Oh. Hm. Clearly this was a little more complicated than I thought. "She froze in a dangerous situation, in which I was relying on her. I don't blame her, though- it wasn't her fault, we were all caught off guard, and nothing catastrophic came of it, because someone else stepped up in time, but I know it bothered her. She's probably still beating herself up over it." A... 'dangerous situation'? What sort of dangerous situations were he and his friends getting into, at school? Well, I assumed this had been while they were at school.

"Still," He continued. "It shook things up a bit. Shook me, up a bit. It- we didn't plan for it- I don't think it's possible to plan for something like that- but still, it made me..." His face screwed up. "Not nervous-" No, of course not. "But... hm... concerned that we weren't as prepared as we could have been?" Oh.

"Oh. That makes sense, I guess." Honestly, he just seemed pleased that I wasn't treating him like he was crazy. "Nuria- my sire-" He nodded, to show that he remembered who I was referencing. "She's... well, she likes to say that she's 'wary', but the rest of us call her paranoid. Because she is. If you ask me, I think the difference lays in how she reacts when she finds that she's unprepared for something." His eyebrows furrowed.

"What do you mean?" I shrugged, trying to look casual.

"Well, if she were just wary, she would find the issue, realise it was an issue, and start trying to fix it. Staying calm. Nuria though... when she realises there's an issue, it's like she found poison in her drink. She isolates the issue, and either cuts it out entirely, or attacks it with everything she had until she fills that hole in her defenses- until the hole she fixed, is stronger than the wall that it was situated in. She doesn't stop, doesn't breathe, barely thinks about anything else, until she's sure it's fixed. She's completely and utterly obsessed with every single issue that comes up- no matter the size." He winced.

"I hear what you're saying." I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Do you?" I wanted to hear what he was taking away from what I was saying.

"You think I worry too much." I shrugged, and ran my hand through my hair- he wasn't wrong, exactly...

"Not necessarily. I just think you need to be careful not to start fixating on unlikely potential situations, choices and their outcomes, when you could be focusing on other things. Be prepared for a wide variety of issues that are likely to happen, not each and every one, no matter how unlikely. Life isn't worth living, if the only thing you do with it is worry about what could go wrong."

(A/N): Jerremyah: 'Life isn't worth living, if the only thing you do is worry about what could go wrong.'

My anxious ass: 'This sign can't stop me, because I can't read!'

also

Jerremyah: 'You're the baby of the family.'

Leo: 'I. am NOT. Baby!'

also:

Leo: *talking about his friends, and the fact that Elaine is his 'second in command'*

Jerremyah: 'Is that normal? Is that what kids are like, nowadays? I don't know, it's been a long time since I was fifteen, and even when I was, I didn't have friends.'

Jerremyah: '...GOD I'm old!'

also

Jerremyah: 'Y'know, when I don't have to talk to you, or interact with you in any way, you're pretty alright.'

Nicholai: *rolls eyes from beyond the grave* 'Thanks.'

Jerremyah: 'Shh, don't ruin it.'

PS: I concede that Jerremyah saying 'hadn't have' is incorrect, and should technically be just 'hadn't' (as in, 'if I hadn't liked Leo so much' instead of if I hadn't have liked Leo as much'), but people do not speak perfectly grammatically correctly at all times, and the world of people into grammar on the internet need to CHILL THE FUCK OUT ABOUT IT. There are whole forum threads where they're just attacking each other over it- one person says, 'that's COMPLETELY incorrect, and if you write it like that you are UNEDUCATED and slovenly', and another person says, 'yes, but people do SAY it like that sometimes, because even educated people make mistakes' and about twelve people dog-pile on top of them to tell them they're WRONG, INCORRECT, and as such, COMPLETELY UNHIREABLE- like... people DO say it. That doesn't make it correct, grammatically, but casual speech doesn't necessarily HAVE to be grammatically correct. It's also, like... language changes from use. If enough people started saying 'hadn't have', or 'hadn't of', it would literally BECOME grammatically correct, so... I just don't see why all these people, on multiple sites, are SO RIDICULOUSLY ANGRY about it. One person said, 'Sorry (horrified emoji) , but none of the above would have survived my editor's red pen. "Casual speech" opens a Pandora's box of assaults on the English language - now don't it? (casually smug emoji)' ('don't it' also being incorrect, as it should be 'doesn't it'). The next person said (which is basically my stance), 'It wouldn't survive my editor's red pen either. It might survive my ear, though, which is much less picky, depending on the circumstances.' Like... guys. Chill out. Yes, it isn't grammatically correct- that also doesn't matter, a lot of the time, when rendering speech, and speech patterns.

Also, Jerremyah saying 'For his, like he had done, for mine.', does not refer to Jerremyah having a secret son, it's just meant to mean that Leo was Nicholai's, like Lisbet is Jerremyah's. It's like how Jerremyah said in a chapter a while ago, that Nicholai was one of the people helping Lisbet find surrogate sires for 'his people' (Jerremyah's people).