(A/N): Leo's pov, continuing to explain to Lisbet about how, exactly, he would 'take matters into his own hands.'

Trigger Warning: Strong discussion of suicide/suicidal ideation/self violence, hurting oneself with the intention of ending one's life. Leo explains how he would do it, if it comes to that. This is the strongest chapter of this set when it comes to that, so, be warned.

Leo

Pressed firmly into Lisbet's throat as I was, I felt every breath she took, every time it bobbed as she swallowed, and every clench of her hands- both intentional and unintentional. She had dug her fingertips into my scalp, when I had reminded her that I was unlikely to die of old age- or even natural causes- and my knees had almost buckled.

If I was forced to try to describe the feeling, the only thing that came even close, in my mind, was... well... you know when a mother cat grabs a kitten by the scruff of its neck? Yeah, that. Which... well, we're not going to get into the symbolism behind that- the fact that I was the 'kitten' to Lisbet's 'mother cat', that is. Yeah, we weren't talking about that.

She pulled back to meet my gaze- to force me to meet hers- and were so close that our noses were almost brushing. The look in her eyes... I couldn't decide if it was heartbreaking or heartbroken.

"What- what do you mean, chains?" The slight rasp of her voice- the fact that it was clearly caused by unshed tears- I struggled to force myself to maintain eye contact. I wanted to lower my gaze, to avoid hers, but I couldn't. I felt I owed her that much at least, if I was putting her through all this.

"Tante..." I had to find something better than that, to call her. "It... it's not exactly the easiest thing in the world for a person to... well..." She arched an eyebrow at me, and I sighed. "To stab themselves in the chest." Her face went slack, and I saw the agonised horror in her eyes.

"Leo-" I cut her off.

"That's not... that wouldn't be my preferred method." I could see her grit her teeth, through the flesh of her cheek and jaw. "And anything less... extreme, than that level of... self-inflicted violence-" She flinched, and once again, I thought to myself how bad it would be if she found out about my... self-destructive tendencies. "-would just... heal too quickly." I could practically smell her indignant internal voice arguing that, 'healing too quickly' was, in fact, a good thing. Normally, I would agree, but... not in this situation. "Causing me unnecessary pain." Her lips pursed, as she was clearly conflicted between not wanting me to be in pain, and not wanting me to... you know... die.

"So then, what...?" I hesitated, again.

"Are you sure you want to-" She cut me off, looking terrified, but determined.

"I have to. I- I have to. I have to know." Because her curiosity would eat at her, or so she knew how to stop me, if it came to that?

"Tante... Lis." She tugged a lock of my hair lightly, and my eyelids shuttered, before I dragged them back open. "I..." There was no way to soften this blow. To make this hurt less- to say, or to hear. It was an awful subject to talk about, and nothing was going to change that- no matter how much I wanted to make this better for her. "A long fall would probably do the trick-" Predictably, she flinched, but I pushed onward. "But it's not exactly... I wouldn't want to see it coming, in that way." Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly, and she blinked- clearly blinking back tears.

"You've thought about this. Not just in passing, you've... put thought into this." This time, I couldn't help it- I did drop my gaze. I wasn't proud of it- in fact, I was ashamed. Still, that wasn't her fault, so after a few seconds, I managed to force myself to meet her eyes again.

"Yes, I have. I... death isn't exactly a foreign concept to me- even before what happened with my dad, it wasn't- wasn't out of my field of view. I don't know if that's something to do with being a half breed- with finding out I was a half breed, at such a young age." She blinked again, this time surprised. "You were twenty-five when Jerremyah turned you-" She jolted, as if I had physically shocked her. "I was seven when I found out. My entire being- my entire outlook on life, has been affected by that- altered on an almost chemical level. I don't know if that's... part of the reason it's never been far from my mind, but... it might explain a few things, if it is." Her eyebrows furrowed, and then her face slackened slightly.

"You- Jerremyah told you." I shrugged.

"I asked. He refused to tell me a lot of things- like why you broke up-" This was pointed, and Lisbet flushed lightly, but didn't look like she was planning to elaborate, anytime soon. "But certain things he deemed necessary, to the particular part of your history together that he was trying to explain to me." If anything, she looked even more confused than earlier.

"What-?" I shook my head, effectively cutting her off.

"One thing at a time." I took a deep breath to brace myself- which was ironic. "Drowning." Her face dropped. "Drowning is how I'd do it- I think. Hence the... the chains." Because without them, I would just swim to the surface, when I inevitably changed my mind, and realised exactly how much I didn't want to die. Lisbet looked... aghast.

"Leo-" I cut her off, for what felt like the fiftieth time.

"It doesn't matter." I saw her face change, saw the anger mounting there, and amended myself before she had the chance to launch her argument. "Okay, it does matter, but it's not... there's not much we can do about that. If Herc's wrong, no matter what I do, whatever is going to happen is going to happen, and nothing we do is going to change that. If Herc's right, then all I need is a strong anchor- which..." She hesitated, and nodded.

"If that's all you need- family, friends, and a romantic love... you're already there." I smiled, and something in her eyes changed- like she was relieved by this.

"And even if I didn't have that... I would like to think that the fact that I would rather die than become immortal, would have some sort of effect on it." She very nearly flinched at the word 'die', and then hesitated, biting her lip.

"But Herc said he-" I shook my head.

"Herc said he only didn't want to be immortal because of his mother- not that he wasn't okay with being immortal in general." She blinked, seemed to consider this, and then shrugged.

"I guess not." I echoed her shrug.

"So, in the end... it doesn't really matter. Either I'm definitely not going to become immortal- and have to do something about it- or... there's nothing we can do that will affect that outcome, either way." We were both silent for a second, before I rubbed her back, and pulled away- just enough that I could see her better, rather than my vision being completely blurred by the proximity. "So, anyway... Jerremyah?" She gave me a dry look, that was clearly trying to be stern.

"What a smooth subject change." My lips quirked up, and seemingly unintentionally, Lisbet's did the same.

"I'm not meant to be smooth- I'm fifteen." She shrugged, not looking like she disagreed.

"So... Jerremyah." She said, and the way he lips formed his name felt like she was trying to blow him a kiss, or something. "My mate." After this, her eyebrows furrowed slightly. "So... did you ask, or did he tell you?" She sounded like she already had an opinion on that- as to which answer was the most likely.

"I asked. In fact, it was the first question I asked. I think I kind of surprised him, because he was expecting questions about his... you know, control issues. It took him a minute to... recompose himself." Her eyebrows dipped a little, before her lips quirked up- like she was surprised, but also slightly amused.

"The first question you asked?" I shrugged, my smile growing.

"Look, I... I had a theory, and I wanted it clarified. There were a few things like that, and Jerremyah helped me clear up a few things- and refused a few others- hence why I said I had questions for you." Her eyebrows furrowed, and she moved to wave me onward, but I shook my head. "Now isn't the time for that. We should... talk a bit about your mate- and his role here." She blinked.

"His... role here?" She looked worried, and I shook my head, smiling slightly.

"I'm not saying we should just... start integrating him into everything, right away, but I thought... for the first thing- and this applies to Greygorry too-" She blinked again. "We should get Herc to make them each a necklace. After all, even if they aren't going to be working with the Folley's right away, the necklaces are still just as- if not more so- important for us as a clan, and keeping us all safe. And they are both clan members, now." Lisbet's face softened, and I saw the pride in the depths of her eyes- was that for me, or for her mate, and her friend?

"I- okay. We'll... get him on that. I'll back you up." I nodded, and pulled my hand from her back, to grab her hand, from the back of my head. I would have preferred to grab the other one, but it was a lot harder to reach around one's back.

"Lis." I started softly, and she perked up, as I caught her focus. "I told Jerremyah this, and he denied it- in fact, it's one of the things that led into him saying he was bad for you-" Her expression sharpened, and I knew, much like I had earlier, that she despised that thought. "I think I made the right decision." Tentatively, her face softened halfway again, slowly. "I think Jerremyah is a good addition to the clan- and even if he wasn't... I want you to be happy. And... I think Jerremyah will get you there. I trust him, to do that."

(A/N): Lisbet: *digs her fingertips into Leo's scalp*

Leo: *freezes*

Lisbet: *unclenches her hand as quickly as possible*

Lisbet: 'I fear the damage has already been done.'

Leo: 'The only way I could describe it was like... a mother cat, picking up her kitten by the scruff of the neck.'

also

Leo: 'We're not going to get into the symbolism behind that- the fact that I was the 'kitten' to Lisbet's 'mother cat', that is. Yeah, we weren't talking about that.'

Lisbet: 'Meow, my KITten.'

also

Leo: 'I would drown myself. I would wrap myself in chains, so I couldn't swim to the surface, when I inevitably changed my mind.'

Lisbet: '...the pool floaties are already in the mail.'

also

Lisbet: *is proud of Leo*

Leo: *looking behind him for who she's ACTUALLY proud of, because it couldn't POSSIBLY be him*