(A/N): An alternative title for this chapter is 'The Blame Game'. How does Leo react to Jerremyah's opinion of his clan's expectations for him?

Leo

My eyebrows furrowed at Jerremyah's answer. Or non answer, really. "I asked what they expected, not what they wanted." This time, he didn't shrug like he had the others- like I'd expected.

"In what way do wants and expectations differ?" I opened my mouth- then, snapped it shut again.

"How about," I said, when I'd managed to find my words again. "I tell you what I think they expect of me?" I felt Lisbet tense; knew she was worried that I was about to blame myself for something 'outside of my control' again- honestly, I think Jerremyah was afraid of that, too. But in the end, this offer for brief insight into my mind seemed too precious for them to pass up.

"If you would like to." I didn't, but I started speaking anyway.

"They expect me to protect them." He didn't look like he disagreed with me, but I would've pressed on even if he had. "They expect me to lead our clan well- fairly, and with all of our best interests at heart," He nodded slowly, but he had a look in his eyes that I couldn't quite put a name to. "They expect me to provide for them, and to continue being able to do so." His eyebrows furrowed slightly, and I felt Lisbet's do the same against my cheek- it seemed as though keeping her nose to my skin was the only way to help her hold her tongue.

"And these expectations... concern you?" Jerremyah asked, once I'd been silent for a while. Did they concern me?

I winced, and felt his hand twitch like he wanted to come to my aid. "The expectations themselves, do not." Even to my own ears it sounded a bit too formal, a bit too stiff- and it brought to mind what Jerremyah had said earlier about defaulting to self-hatred. When I was younger, the only way to get what I wanted- to try to get what I wanted- was to be as well-spoken as possible. If I sounded like a child, then those wants must be childish, and thus, denied. But if I sounded like a grown up, then maybe- sometimes, it worked. When my mother was in a good mood. If she wasn't...

"So what does?" Jerremyah asked, and as we stared at each other, it was almost like I could see a timer in his eyes, counting down until he tried to give me more time by clarifying. It wasn't necessary, and yet... "Concern you, I mea-"

"The idea that I could fail them, concerns me." I felt Lisbet's arms tighten around me, even as I saw Jerremyah's face soften. "I'm doing my best- I've already delegated a lot of the estate stuff to Lisbet-" She spoke up for the first time since I'd told her she was too involved.

"And I've delegated most of it to your accountant or your estate manager- because despite the fact that I'm a vampire, and I've had plenty of opportunities to amass wealth, I've never really seen the benefit of accumulating beyond a certain amount." I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could.

"It's not like I did the accumulating- blame my ancestors." She gave me a look, her eyebrows furrowed, like she was half confused and half frustrated.

"I wasn't blaming you, Leo-"

"I know," She blinked. "You tend to refuse to do that, even when it's warranted." Her eyebrows furrowed more completely now, and as she opened her mouth to argue with me, I shot her the cheekiest grin I knew how to make.

She blinked again, and then her expression turned dry, even if the look in her eyes was rather indulgent. "Of course," She huffed. "Jerremyah's right, you are a menace." I beamed at her, and witnessed her face soften considerably more than his had, earlier.

"And whose fault in that?" Oddly enough, after she'd showed her pride at the insinuation that my troublesome streak was caused by her involvement in my life, an almost anticipatory look appeared in its place.

"Yours." She said, seemingly incredibly amused by this- or something else that I'd yet to determine. "That, I will blame you for." Ah, now it made more sense- she thought she'd caught me out.

"Are you denying the influence you've had on my life? My personality?" She went still, except for how her eyes searched my face like she was looking for something specific. I hoped she couldn't see what I was really feeling, what I was desperate to hide- a sort of deep longing to have this thing acknowledged... and preferably explained to me in great detail, since I wasn't sure I was capable of doing so.

"I'm saying," She started slowly, carefully. "That you are responsible for your own actions, not the actions of others." I didn't have to be able to see Jerremyah out of the corner of my eye to know that he was grinning- and honestly, I think if he hadn't been occupied holding my hand, he would've pumped his fist in the air, or perhaps high-fived her. He looked proud, is what I was saying, but he didn't say anything.

"I know that." She narrowed her eyes at me, and I felt myself flush. "I do!" I insisted, and she pulled my head down by the back of my neck so she could kiss me on the forehead again.

"You know, but do you know?" I wasn't sure what that meant, so I chose not to answer. Instead, I circled back to the previous topic of conversation.

"I don't know how to do a lot of things- or what I'm supposed to do in certain situations. I'm sort of doing things by feel- and while I'm extremely lucky to have the support that I do, I'm not entirely sure I-" I hesitated, and Lisbet butted her cheek against mine. Was that meant to comfort me, or to urge me to continue?

"What?" She asked softly, her breath tickling my ear, and I relished in that reminder of our physical closeness. "'Not entirely sure you' what?" I hesitated again, and I realised that I would've liked to squeeze Jerremyah's hand- but I was worried that he'd think it was the signal and drag the conversation to a halt, so I bit my lip instead.

"I'm not entirely sure that I'm the best person to lead our clan." I felt her stiffen against me for only a split second- if I was any more human, I probably wouldn't have even registered it- before she pulled me closer to her, turning her head so she could press a kiss to my cheekbone, right under the corner of my eye.

"Do you want to lead our clan?" This was the longest moment of hesitation yet, but they both waited patiently until I was ready to speak again. I guess that was one bonus to being a vampire- you had all the time in the world. In this case I was grateful for it, but usually the fact that I knew they could just wait me out was one of the most frustrating things about my life.

"I don't know," I answered honestly, because I knew there was no point lying- both because they could hear my heartbeat, and also because they were part of said clan- the people I was trying to lead, and protect. "I'd never even considered the possibility, before..." Before my father had died.

"Do you want... someone else to lead?" Jerremyah asked carefully- not that there was much point. We all knew it'd be Lisbet- not just because she was the only capable, long term member, but also because she was my- Aunt. A term that felt like it fit less and less every time I used it.

"I-" I wasn't sure what to say to that, and she seemed to know that, because she said,

"I won't be offended." If I said no... or if I said yes?

"It's hard to-" Say. But no, that would lead to her thinking that the issue was getting the words out, rather than forming an opinion in the first place. "I'm not sure. Again, I... I haven't really thought about it." Lisbet nodded against my cheek, and Jerremyah dragged his thumb across the back of my hand. They were both- they were keeping their promises, even if Jerremyah hadn't quite framed his as such.

"Would you like to take a minute to think about it, or would you like to get back to us at some other point?" He offered rather judiciously, which wasn't something that I would've associated with him before now. Did I want to-? I wanted to get out of answering entirely, and in the end, that's what made me answer.

"A minute, please." He squeezed my hand, and I immediately returned it- pleased to have a reason to do so, outside of asking for help. Did I want...? What did I want?

I wanted my clan to be safe and happy, above all else- but beyond that... beyond that, I wanted them to prosper. I wanted the Twins to be able to control themselves- and Jerremyah now too, I guess- I wanted Shari to be healthy again, and not drowning in grief. I wanted Greygorry and Dahrya to have a good relationship, whatever that meant for them, and I wanted Lisbet and Jerremyah- well... I wanted them to be Lisbet and Jerremyah again, if that's what they wanted for themselves. I wanted Jerremyah to find himself, and I wanted Lisbet to feel like she was being treated like an equal again.

I wanted Jo and Jerremyah to get along- or at least, to make peace with each other. Speaking of which, I wanted Jo to make peace with the fact that she was a vampire- which was a bit hypocritical of me, but that wasn't the point right now. I wanted Danniel to be able to see his mother again- and go back to living with her, if that's what he really wanted. I wanted them to have choices, options, plans, hopes and dreams. And I wanted... deep down, I wanted two things that I knew I couldn't have- one because it was impossible, and one because there was nothing I could do to affect the outcome one way or the other.

I wanted to come out on the other side of the change still mortal... and I wanted my father back.

(A/N): Leo: 'I wish my dad wasn't dead.'

Leo: 'Childish. Childish wants, for a stupid, stupid child.'

Also I've never mentioned it- because it wasn't really relevant- but Leo has an accountant and an estate manager. I assume Nicholai hired them at some point, because he couldn't be bothered dealing with his considerable wealth/property, and after he died, everything went to Leo. Lisbet manages them, like she managed most of Nicholai's posthumous affairs, and employs some maybe-not-quite-so-legal Influencing to make sure they aren't taking advantage of him. Another thing I never mentioned- I assume Nicholai had a will? Or at the very least, a letter or multiple that laid out everything necessary in case he died- y'know, since he knew that he was going to die, sooner rather than later, considering how he reacted to Khal's prediction about him. It's up in the air as to whether this was addressed to Lisbet or not- whether he knew that Shari would be rendered practically useless with grief, since that would infer that he knew that she had feelings for him. More info on this will probably crop up later- there's something in the works for around Leo's sixteenth birthday that could shed some light on that- but I don't have anything concrete right now.