Creatures Comfort
"Akane!"
Akane's eyes snapped open as she heard Ranma scream. She looked over at him in their bed and saw he was rocking his shoulders back and forth, eyes screwed shut as his teeth gritted together. "Akane…" he croaked. His face had a light sheen on it, and he whimpered. "Please." He hissed. Akane frowned, watching as her husband's labored breathing turned into little gasps of air.
This had only happened a handful of times, and Akane recognized that he was having a nightmare - PTSD, she had heard it called. He had had it since they had returned from Ho'o Peak, where Akane had - for all intent and purposes - died. No one had been aware of these night terrors, but Akane had remembered one night, weeks after they had come back and things were seeming to slip into some normalcy, where she had walked past his room and heard him whimpering. Originally, she had thought someone like Shampoo had snuck in and she had entered with a blaze of glory, but then she saw him sleeping restlessly and crying softly.
She had gone to him then and had gently bent down on her knees. She gingerly jostled his bangs in an attempt to soothe him, and in an instant, he had swatted her hand away and had crouched on all fours, ready to leap at her like some deranged cat. It had taken a couple of moments before his eyes had adjusted, and he had come back to reality. He had looked at her in surprise.
"What are you doing here?" He snarled.
Akane faltered and could only murmur, "You were crying in your sleep."
Ranma stared at her in shock and quickly brushed the back of his hands across his ruddy cheeks in an attempt to wash away the now-drying tears. "I wasn't crying, okay!" He argued. Akane observed him for a while before she nodded slowly.
"My mistake," she said carefully as she turned her head and went to stand.
Ranma gripped her wrist, and Akane looked back in surprise. Before she could ask him what he was doing, Ranma whispered, "Please stay." His face was turned to the ground. She wanted to ask him why, but when the world around them calmed, she could feel the slightest tremor in his hands - like a little child who needed their mother's care.
Wordlessly, she nodded, and she went to kneel next to the bed. Ranma returned to it and was under the covers. His hand snaked out from under the sheets, and he cautiously wrapped it around hers. He breathed shakily and his eyelids fluttered as if he were trying to fall asleep but couldn't.
Out of instinct, Akane reached out and began stroking the top of his head like one would do to soothe their child. He sighed deeply and, after half an hour, was asleep. Akane stayed for a while longer before she finally got up and went to her room.
When she came into the main room for breakfast, she saw Ranma sitting there unfazed. He looked up at her as if nothing had happened and said some insult about how her hair looked like a crow's nest, and it was no wonder she couldn't get a boyfriend. Akane thought about fighting back, but she suddenly saw the little boy who had needed to be held the night before to scare the nightmares away. She thought of mentioning that, too. However, when she looked into his eyes, it suddenly clicked for her that all the insults he threw at her were from fear. What all the fear stemmed from every time, she didn't know, but she understood what this particular fear was. She had sat down next to him, unphased.
The second time it happened was when she went off to college. When she returned home three weeks later (she never knew she could be so homesick), the two had gone to bed after a passionate night of getting reacquainted with each other. A few hours later, he was thrashing like how he was currently. She shook him lightly, and in a flash, she found herself on the floor with Ranma's hand against her throat. It didn't take nearly as long for him to realize what he was doing this time, but Akane had caught a seething anger in his eyes that had frightened her to her core.
When he realized what he had done, he dropped his grasp and quickly held her to him. She had been so startled by his sudden action that she had started crying. Ranma was shaking, and he held her close to him as he brushed her hair. She could hear him whisper, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Akane sat there, trying to regain her breath, but felt a sadness nestle itself into her chest. They had sat there for what felt like hours, and when both had seemed to calm down, Akane had pulled away from him, not in a hurried manner like she was trying to find an exit, but more so hesitant and curious. Ranma continued to smooth her hair, and she saw his face was still fresh with tears. It was so rare when he cried that it frightened her.
"What was that?" She asked with a whimper.
Ranma winced and looked away from her. "It was nothing." He muttered.
She reached over to him and cautiously pushed on his chin to get him to look at her. A small part of her was afraid he'd attack her again. "Ranma," she ordered and watched him wince, "you have to tell me what that was."
Ranma sat there silent and Akane thought he might not answer her before he finally breathed, "I have these nightmares sometimes…"
Akane leaned in. "Like what?"
"Like…" He looked away again, balled up his fist, and lightly popped it against his jaw in an attempt to snap him out of his stupor. "O'ho Peak."
Akane's eyes widened. "Why would you ever think about that again?"
Ranma looked back at her hesitantly. "I think about that last battle… with Saffron." He looked down again. "When I thought you died."
"I did die," Akane stated very matter-of-factly. She remembered being in a meadow by a beautiful stream. The first time, when she was drowned, it only lasted a minute before Kira pulled her out and resuscitated her. When Akane had opened her eyes, she saw herself staring back and understood. It had been nauseating. It was worse than when that doll possessed her body because Kira was strong, and Akane knew her body was so much weaker. There was also a part of her that knew Kira would seduce Ranma while pretending to be her, as that seemed to be the easiest way to get him to let his guard down - something Akane hadn't understood at the time but now did.
She was lucky that she didn't remember being a dried-out doll-like thing. Not much, anyway, it had all been so blurry. She had heard Ranma, though. Somehow, she had heard him. Allegedly, she had died again, for a while a second time. Ryoga had tearfully told her it had been over half an hour.
She remembered the second time she died and returned to the meadow vividly. The gentle creak was now in between her and some figure on the other side. She hadn't been able to figure out who the shadowy person had been until she heard a gentle and familiar tone that made her heart break. "Akane?"
"Mommy?" She asked as she felt herself revert into a child. She felt as though she shrank and when she looked at her hands she saw stubby little fingers. "What's wrong, mommy?"
"Why are you here, Akane?"
Akane's eyes weld up with fat tears, "I missed you!" She went to jump into the creek - her fear of water be damned.
"Stop!" Her mom shrieked and Akane faltered. "You can't be here!" Her mother wailed.
"But why?" Akane asked as tears fell down her face. Her throat was closed, she couldn't utter another word.
"You can't be here, Akane. Not yet. Your papa and sisters need you, okay?" The fog around her mom was clearing, and Akane could make out the chestnut curls of her mother's hair and her warm chocolate eyes. "Your family needs you - your fiance needs you."
"He doesn't even like me!" Akane hissed, "Not like you." Her legs trembled, and she could feel them buckle beneath her. She felt as though her body had grown again, and her hands had returned to their normal petit size. Her childishness had evaporated, and she was left with her angry teenage self. "No one does! They all say I'm violent, and uncute, and a tomboy and - and -"
"Come now," her mother shushed, "do you truly believe that?"
Akane's head dropped, "I don't know," she whispered, "but I know you don't feel that way." Akane glanced back up at her mother. "Please," she begged, "can't I come over and hug you?"
Her mother frowned, "I would like that very much," her mother started, "but that means you could never go back. You need to go back, Akane."
"But I don't want to!"
"But you will." Her mother reached out her hand as if to provide her comfort but recoiled like she had touched flames. "This is no place for a young girl like you, do you understand?" She sighed, "Right now, you feel this way. You feel unloved, but I've been watching you, Akane - do you know what I see?" Akane shook her head pathetically. "I see a girl who is so full of love and care for others - who lashes out when hurt. You're hurt often because of that boy, right?" Akane nodded. "Why?"
"Because I love him," she blubbered, "and he doesn't love me back."
"Is that so?" Her mother asked warmly. Akane gazed over to her mother across the stream, now in clear view. Was Akane imagining it, or did the water look like it was rising? "Don't you hear him now, calling out to you? Up above."
Akane glanced up at the clear blue sky but saw nothing. "What are you-"
But then she did hear it. She heard his voice, quiet and begging; she felt his breath hit her ears. She heard his disembodied voice coming through the trees, like whispers in the air.
"…you're so stupid…" His voice carried. She frowned, about to tell her mom that she was right. But then she heard more. "I never told you how… hurt you…"
Now Akane stood and tilted her ear as she cupped her hand to her ear, desperate to hear him again. "Akane, can you hear me? I want to tell you something."
"You see?" She heard her mother ask, but her voice seemed to grow further and further away from her.
"Please… hear me, Akane…"
"Ranma…" Akane choked out.
"Sometimes it's hard to be honest, Akane." Her mother's voice was no louder than a gnat buzzing from across the room - almost dead. "Your father could tell you that much - it takes time. And if you go back, you'll have all the time in the world. Do you understand?" Akane nodded and went to look back at her mother but saw nothing there.
"Mom! Come back! Please!" She cried, ready to swim over the stream that had seemed to turn into a river.
"I Love you, Akane!" Ranma's voice boomed, and the earth shuddered beneath her, cracking as if to suck her in.
Akane paused and turned once again to the tree line. Despite all the emotions pooling around her, she heard herself whisper his name, overjoyed. Gently, beads of rain began to hit her face, and she looked up to the sky. She closed her eyes as a bead of rain hit her, and when she opened them again, she saw Ranma staring at her. Fat tears were streaming down his face and hitting her cheeks. Without thinking, she reached up to touch him. He looked at her, shocked. "Ranma," she breathed.
"Akane!" He gasped in disbelief. He lifted her closer to him as if to inspect every muscle in her face. "Oh, Akane…" she thought he might kiss her.
"I'm sorry…" she said, as it felt like seeing her mother was a distant memory, like a fading dream. "I couldn't make my body respond. But I heard everything." She watched as his face dropped in embarrassment, and she regretted saying anything at all as he vehemently denied it. Why had she said anything?
Soon enough, it was like that heartfelt confession had never happened, and Akane had wondered if she had made it all up.
That ordeal also felt like a distant memory. Sure, she no longer felt comfortable around any water, and she'd wake herself in the night, gasping for air. Sure, sometimes she had dreams of someone wearing her face hurting her loved ones - hurting Ranma - and yeah, she occasionally felt that ache of seeing her mother, unable to reach her. Yes, she had dreams about men taking her away in the night and she'd thrash in her sleep and -
Oh.
Maybe they weren't so different. Akane reached over and kissed him. She placed her forehead against his and breathed, "Me too."
"What?" He asked in surprise.
"I get them too. Those nightmares."
He had fallen into her, seemingly relieved he wasn't going crazy or having these niggling thoughts on his own. He wrapped her so tight around him that it seemed he would never let her go. Then they had tumbled together to the floor, seeking each other's comfort through kisses and skin on skin. There had been no dirty discussion, no teasing, and no fun. This felt as if they were trying to crawl into each other's bodies so they could never be apart. He held her so close to him as he pushed and pulled inside of her that she thought she couldn't breathe. She didn't fight it and sunk into his need for her.
"I'm here," she whispered in his ear. "I'll always be here." She heard him grunt upon his release, and he shook as the emotions overcame him. She felt his tears soak her shirt and she lay there as she stroked his hair, waiting for the tears to subside.
Since those first two occasions, it happened only a handful of times - which was a lot, considering they had only been married for two months. They had agreed that when this happened, she would splash him with cold water from as far across the room as she could get. He would sputter awake, now as a diminutive girl with reddish-pink hair, and after the initial rage would subside, he would look over at her, jack slaw, and come back into reality. She would wait for him to whisper her name, and she would return to their bed. He would open his arms wide, and she would snuggle into them.
Sometimes, he would cry, and Akane would brush his hair; sometimes, he would ask her to talk to him about her day or about going to the university or any old thing that she could muse about, and she would wrap his small frame in her arms and nestle his head into her chest as she stroked his head and waited for him to fall asleep. Sometimes, they would fool around, seeking each other's heat. It felt like he was checking every indent of her body to make sure she was real. Akane didn't mind when they fooled around in Ranma's female form, but she knew he wasn't particularly fond of it.
Often, though, they would just fall asleep with him holding her ferociously.
So this time, she stood carefully from the bed and grabbed the glass of water from her nightstand. She stood in the corner of her room and flicked the water from the glass. It pooled over his head, and she watched the familiar sight of him quickly transforming into a woman. The same thing happened as always. He sputtered awake, searching for a fight, and locked eyes with her. The hate in them took a moment to subside, and then he whispered her name.
She walked over to him and fell into their familiar grove. He lifted the covers and dragged them over her. Akane reached out to the smaller form before her and pulled her now female husband close to her. She felt Ranma sniffle into her chest as his hands wrapped around her. "It's getting worse," he muttered.
"What is?" Akane asked gently.
"These nightmares. Since you left, they're getting worse."
Akane wanted to scoff but knew she was lucky to see such a sensitive side of him, and she wasn't willing to lose that. "I haven't even been gone for a month. How can it be worse?"
"It happens every night now," he whispered. "I have them every night now. And then I can't find you." He sighed pathetically. "When you were still here - before we got married - I could always find you here. I could watch you sleep through the window to make sure you were safe. Now I can't find you."
Akane sadly sighed. She hated that he felt that way, but she didn't know what to do about it. "I can't stop going to school," she argued lamely.
"I know," he sniffed, "I don't want you to."
They sat there in silence for a very long time, to the point Akane had figured that Ranma had fallen asleep. She thought long and hard about his words. She certainly didn't want to have him thrashing around in his sleep, calling for her into the night to not have her there to answer - especially for the next four years - but she also didn't want to give up her dreams, though now she wasn't even sure what those were. She sighed and kissed the top of his head, not knowing what to do. She looked into the dark for answers.
"Don't worry about me."
Akane jumped in surprise as Ranma muttered the words into her chest.
"What?" She asked.
"It's okay, 'Kane," he sighed, "I want you to live your dream. You deserve it."
Akane held him tightly to her, feeling his soft form - so unlike his natural male form - sink into her. She didn't answer for a while. She thought he had fallen asleep for real this time and whispered, "Why don't you stay with me?" Her bottom lip quivered, "In my crappy little apartment with Yuka? Why don't you move in with me? We could have our own spot, away from everyone."
"I'm gonna teach at the dojo." He sighed, surprising her again. "You wouldn't want me there, anyway, getting in your way. Keepin' ya from a normal life."
Akane chuckled despite herself. "As long as I have you in my life, there will never be anything normal about it." She felt him smile against her chest, and he clawed his fingers into her nightshirt. "Why don't you think about it, okay?" She kissed the top of his head. "Maybe when our lease is up, we can live together. You can come home on the weekends to teach. Sometimes, I can join you; other times, I can do my clubs - normal college things."
"I don't want you to change anything for me."
"I know," she whispered back, "that's why I said to think about it, dummy."
He chuckled. "I guess I am a dummy."
—
Ranma was busy lugging his few possessions up the stairs of a shitty, run-down apartment. It was just about as bad as Akane's previous place but not so bad that she thought she was about to see a mouse run down the hall. Even the front door to the building stayed locked, so that was a good sign, right? Before he could knock on the door, Akane swung it open. She eyed him curiously and said, "Can I help you?"
He rolled his eyes back at her. "You're so uncute sometimes, you know that?"
Akane coyly smiled, "And you're the biggest dummy I know." She got on her tippy toes to kiss him, and he threw the bags he had on him behind her. They made an audible clunk against the ground, and he had her wrapped in his arms and lifted off the ground. He crushed his lips to hers, relieved that after a year, he'd never spend another night alone.
—
A/N: I had a previous "chapter" halfway written before I gave up on it, figuring there was nowhere to go with it and it was a bum idea. I just got through rereading the manga and forgot how soul-sucking the scene referenced here was. I know some will be disappointed that there was no smut in this chapter, but it felt like it would have been cheap to shoe-horn it in, so hopefully you are all okay with a pallet cleanser here and there. I've also decided to try and stop finding ways to make a chapter titled "First _" because that just wasn't working in terms of creativity (and yes, I know it's "creature comfort" and not what I made the chapter title, just in case anyone wants to point it out lol). All the same, I hope you enjoyed this and I'll see you next time.