Chapter Six
It hadn't taken her long after their journey had begun for Kagome to realize that the boy she had fallen in love with had lost his heart long ago to another girl. That was plainly obvious. And then she'd met Kikyou. She had been a cold, human piece of clay. She'd tried to kill Inuyasha. She'd tried to kill her and their friends.
She'd also been an ally against Naraku. That was Kikyou's thread to them all, that she also wanted Naraku's evil gone from the world. The dead priestess had walked a fine line between good and evil. She'd wanted Inuyasha to keep his promise to follow her to hell. Inuyasha had wanted to keep that promise but in the end, he hadn't been able to.
Kagome wasn't so sure if it was because Kikyou had let him go from the promise, or because Inuyasha wanted to stay with HER.
Her life in the Feudal Era had never made sense. It didn't seem logical that a jewel and a Well could have caused so many problems. It didn't make any clearer sense now.
A lot of it came down to Kikyou.
"You're not Inuyasha's and you're not mine."
Kouga's words came back to her. She wasn't Inuyasha's, was she? Inuyasha may want her to be his in some strange sense, but his soul belonged to a dead woman. Her heart longed for what Inuyasha wanted to give her. She wasn't Kouga's, either.
Kagome tilted back the vile liquid that the Feudal Era deemed alcoholic. Funny, what did she know about alcohol? She'd never tasted it in the modern era.
"You're not Inuyasha's and you're not mine."
She'd never thought the day would come when Kouga said that and the knowledge suddenly left her nauseated. She wasn't a child and she knew good well why the thought bothered her. She cared about Kouga. She'd watched him grow from childish boyhood to a charming and steel cored man. From the very start he'd showered her with affection, risked his life for her and had given her whatever he was capable.
A girl could lose it over a guy like that.
It wasn't because he'd been her first. That had nothing to do with what she felt. He'd been her first, there was no changing that and she was going to remember him for that. She remembered Kouga for a lot of reasons that she didn't remember Inuyasha.
God, why couldn't Kikyou have stayed dead?
Why couldn't Kouga have just stayed out of her life?
Why couldn't Inuyasha have had the will power to leave her?
Fate had all pulled them in with a warped string, tying them all together. She was linked with Kikyou through reincarnation. Was that why she was destined to be Inuyasha's in body only?
Kagome covered her face with her hands. Inuyasha had asked her—begged her—to think on what she was asking of him.
The question was, what was she asking?
Kagome lowered her hands and stared at the rounded bottle at her feet before picking it up and climbing out the window. She was going to have to apologize to Miroku for stealing from his not so secret stash. She stumbled through the window before righting herself and sliding down the sill.
Kouga had told her to go home. She had. Probably for only an hour, but she had went. But she was suddenly too mopey and too hot just sitting there.
Miroku had horrible taste. Whatever was in the bottle was an acquired taste. With each passing swig, it was becoming more acquired. It wasn't so bad but it left an awful burn in her throat before settling warmly in her empty stomach.
She was going to trip over her own feet at his rate. Or maybe it was the tall blades of grass. That was absurd though. Her feet were more trippable and carrying her away from the serenity of Sango's Home. And it was there across the clearing that she saw Kouga reclining against the trunk of a tree with a stony expression on his face.
She was going to be sick.
She remembered how little food she'd ate and there was nothing but the alcohol in her system. She didn't see Kouga move. He was just there.
He caught her arms and brought her down to her knees, grasping the back of her neck gently and pushed her head down between her knees. "Breath." He ordered gruffly, but with a soft gentleness to undermine the hard tone.
Kagome obeyed because she didn't know what else to do. Drinking on an empty stomach was never a smart thing to do. She took a deep breath and exhaled once. Breath. Again.
Kouga hunched down beside her, peering into her face to make sure she was obeying him and that she wasn't going to puke at his feet. He didn't have to see the bottle in her hand to know she was on her way to being well and drunk. She reeked of it. He'd just seen her. How had she gotten drunk so quick?
The near empty bottle said enough.
"Better?" He murmured.
Kagome nodded slowly because she didn't want to do anything else. She took another deep breath before lifting her head. Just her luck that she'd run into the one man she didn't want to see. He'd pissed her off and made her strangely happy at the same time. He could do that without even trying.
"You shouldn't be drinking, Kagome, much less walking in the woods at night drunk."
"I'm not drunk. I'm tipsy."
"Tipsy?"
Kagome sighed and shook her head. "Never mind." He wouldn't understand tipsy. He was right, though. She highly doubted that even as powerful as she was, that she would be able to properly defend herself if someone or something decided they wanted to attack her.
Kouga corked the bottle wrapped her fingers back around the stem. "Go home, Kagome." He said for the third time that night.
"I was on my way when you stopped me."
He didn't see the irony or amusement. He couldn't even smile. "You were heading in the wrong direction then."
"I was taking a short cut." Kagome stared up at his shadowed face. His hair was back up in a low pony tail, falling down his back.
"You're drunk, Kagome. Go back." Humans—the God's help their weak bodies but alcohol could control them in so little time.
Didn't he get it? She didn't want to go back. She could do whatever she wanted out here. She could run, she could scream, she could even kick a tree for Christ's sake. "Why?" She asked sourly. "You're not going to protect me anymore?"
Kouga didn't respond, just stared at her upturned expression. He'd always protect her.
She lifted the bottle and eyed the empty contents. "Did you drink this when I wasn't looking? Are you drunk?"
Kagome threw the bottle at the Wolf Demon.
The right corner of Kouga's mouth tilted upward. It was a small movement but it was there. He moved to the side, the bottle sailing past his shoulder. "Human spirits don't affect me, Kagome."
Her mouth fell open and if anything, she looked more angry. "What does affect you?"
One of his arms disappeared behind his back and when it came back, he was holding a small flask covered in fur. "This." He said and tossed the flask towards her.
Her hands lifted automatically when the object sailed towards her and she caught the light weight. Liquid sloshed inside and she tilted it upright and screwed the top off. Bringing it to her nose, she made a face before lowering it. "What...is that?"
"Alcohol infused with demon blood."
"Your blood?" Kagome asked cautiously.
"No."
Of course not. Why would he drink his own blood? Why would he drink anyone's blood? Kagome wanted to smack herself in the head. He was a Wolf Demon. He ate raw meat half the time. The juices that he liked so much in his meat was blood.
She screwed the top off and lifted it to her lips.
Kouga covered the top of the flask with his hand and pushed it away from her lips. "You've had enough. And I don't think you want to drink that."He took it away from her firm grasp but instead of putting it away he took a long and heavy swallow.
He didn't so much as wince or cough. Kagome didn't know how he did it. He made it look so easy. She was a lousy drinker.
"Now—home." Kouga said evenly and turned her in the opposite direction. She was going to regret her actions in the morning.
"I can do it, can't I, Kouga? Or is it wrong?" Her shoulders sank as she gave beneath the pressure of his hands and stumbled forward.
"Do what and is what wrong?"
"I don't belong with Inuyasha, do I?"
Kouga sighed heavily. How was he supposed to answer that? He knew how he wanted to answer it. He knew how he would have answered it were he still a boy.
Hell no you don't belong with dog shit. You belong with me, as my woman.
He thought the words now. Hell yes she belonged with him. She should have been with him, not the dog. In his mind, the words were true. There was no other for him and Fate had seen it fit to give away his woman, his mate to his foe.
By the God's, he wanted her to be with Inuyasha. Why? Why?
"I'm alright. I can do this. I can." I think I can, I think I can, I think I can... The words resounded in Kagome's mind. She needed to do it. Love had nothing to do with what she felt for Inuyasha. It was an infatuation that had grown over time. She gave a soft smile. "Being alone isn't so bad, is it?"
Kouga couldn't stop the hope that filled him at her words, though clumsy and slurred they were. That was what he wanted to hear. But come morning? "You're not alone, Kagome."
"Aren't I? You said you didn't want me, either."
You're not Inuyasha's and you're not mine.
Kouga winced and muttered a "Fuck" as he spun on his heel and took another heavy swallow of the small flask before throwing the empty contents across the field. She'd misunderstood him because he had never made such a claim. He wanted her—all of her. Everything about her. He couldn't have any of that, not until she made a clean cut from Inuyasha. And that's what she was trying to do.
"Fuck." He whispered again and rubbed the bridge of his nose. The demons blood was moving through his veins, forced through by the spirits and he welcomed the mind numbing sensation. He lifted his head when he felt the press of Kagome's forehead against his back.
"All I want to do is go home. All I want to see is my mother. I could get away from him. I could get away from you." Her voice seemed to waver. "I don't think he'll let me go, though."
Kouga turned to face her. "If I could grant you passage through that Well, I would...and the dog can't keep you if you don't want to be kept."
Kagome frowned and went to her tip toes, sniffing at his lips. "Did you drink that...stuff? Are you intoxicated?"
Kouga gave a wry grin. "I'm trying." He tensed when she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek against his chest. He didn't return the favor, his arms moving outward slightly in confusion.
"I've thought about you when I shouldn't have." She whispered. "I tried not to."
Kouga grimaced but couldn't bring himself to remove her. He'd have to touch her to do that. "I'm not a rebound for the dog, Kagome."
It was Kagome who pulled back, but still held onto him. She tilted her head back to stare up into his face. She blinked, her expression changing before the scent of salty tears reached his nostrils. "I love you."
Kouga groaned and cursed again before his hands moved down and he jerked her against him, kissing her hard.
-Your reviews mean the world to me-
Author's Note:
I don't want this to seem like one of those relationships where the girl just can't let go. She's ready to let go of Inuyasha. She realizes that she doesn't love him. But you have to remember, this is in a whole different time. Relationships mean something different in the Feudal Era.
Kouga has always been there for Kagome. She knows that.
Don't worry, we will have a happy ending! We just needed the angst, drama and turmoil.