AN:
DarthVerus - This will shake things up. Palpatine may not have known initially, but you can bet he finds out and is not happy, but he is a planner. He'll find some way to try and turn it to his advantage.
Quiyes - Thanks! Hmm, I think you're going to enjoy this chapter. Might fit with some of what you're looking for.
I do intend to bring in many of the Jedi you reference, or at least bring them in more, as the story goes on. It just gets hard to balance that many characters at times. Plus, at this time, the Jedi don't know that there are that many Sith around. Still, you'll see in future chapters that there are more Jedi helping Kastor in his preparations than it seems at time. As for more "ancient "Jedi? Maybe I have plans. The one on Ossus, Ood Bnar, is someone certainly still alive in my story. Anways, this story will continue to develop. It's not going anywhere until it is finished! So, I'm glad you like it, and I'll do my best to keep it up.
Chapter 44 - Lessons and Possible Paths
"You know, I could get used to this," Obi-Wan said softly, Siri curled up to him, both of them bare in the quarters that had been provided to Obi-Wan, though Siri's "quarters" were next door, just in case the padawans came looking. "Though, this wasn't how I wanted to find my way to working with you again."
"Nor me," Siri agreed, "but I will admit, waking up next to you might truly be a gift from the Force, and it really is freeing to an extent knowing that we can be open with each other in front of every person on this ship . . . except our Padawans. Them knowing the truth would make the situation perfect."
"Hopefully one day," Obi-Wan agreed wistfully.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Siri asked.
They hadn't talked much after they all reconvened on the Darasuum. First they'd held a memorial service for those who had fallen during the battle, and for Yaddle, even though they knew the Order would have an official service for her when they got back to Coruscant.
After the ceremony, there had been a feast because Mandalorians, like Jedi, chose not to mourn lives lost, so much as they celebrated the life that had been lived. Still, there hadn't been much serious talk during that. Instead, stories had been told about all those who had fallen, remembering some of their greatest achievements or good memories amongst comrades, funny and otherwise. It had been helpful in releasing grief even further . . . telling some of the many tales of Yaddle's kindness, humor, and wisdom.
After that, both Siri and Obi-Wan had stayed connected via their bond, but both had focused on their padawans, something Kastor, Fay, Taria, and Yoda had also assisted in.
By the time they all turned into their quarters Siri and Obi-Wan just wanted to revel in their bond and in the Force, which led to a tender reunion before they finally fell asleep in each other's arms.
"The galaxy is a darker place without her," Obi-Wan said, "and in that darkness, the very threat that Kastor warned our Order about so many years ago seems to be rising. How long before we're in that galactic war that Kastor has foreseen? How long before the Sith cultists show themselves . . . and will they have Sith Lords and apprentices commanding them? How long before everything Kastor predicted comes true . . . and we've done little to prevent it?"
"We've done what we could, Obi," Siri said softly, but firmly. "We've done the missions the Council has assigned us and we've helped a lot of people in the galaxy. Kastor's taken a different approach, but that doesn't mean we haven't helped when able. You know we both have . . . you know the Order has."
Obi-Wan nodded slowly.
"I know, but everything tells me that it won't be enough," Obi-Wan said. "War is coming . . . I can feel it."
"I can feel it too," Siri said. "I'm not sure if there's any way to prevent it now . . . but the Force has a will, and all we can do is do our best, and trust in the Force."
"I hate when you're the logical one between us," Obi-Wan said mildly. "It's just all sorts of backwards."
Siri snorted and then laughed, and Obi-Wan grinned, proud of himself.
"Oh, I hate you," Siri said. "You really are the worst."
"You weren't saying that last night," Obi-Wan remarked, and Siri flashed him a grin, her eyes sparked with humor.
"Last night I was stroking your ego," Siri said.
Obi-Wan laughed.
"I love you, you know," Obi-Wan said, "and I also hate you too."
Siri leaned over him, and she kissed him softly.
"I love you too."
"We should probably get up, shouldn't we?" Obi-Wan mused.
"I think we can take a bit more time this morning," Siri said with a smirk. "Then, I think we should help each other conserve water."
"Hmm, that would be the responsible thing to do," Obi-Wan agreed, pulling her down into another kiss.
**The Will of the Force**
Siri and Obi-Wan made their way out of Obi-Wan's quarters and almost immediately ran into Taria who took one look at them and smirked.
"Well, well, well, it looks like you two slept well," Taria said, grinning.
Obi-Wan and Siri both sighed, used to her teasing.
"I will admit that I slept very well," Obi-Wan agreed, which Siri nodded in agreement to, and Taria's smile softened.
"Good," she said. "Kas, Fay, and Yoda are down in the refectory. Figured I'd let you both know so you could get tea and caf and some breakfast before we convene in the command bridge."
"Thanks, Ria," Siri said. "We'll go alert our Padawans."
"No need," Taria said. "Anakin's already up and is down in the hangar. He already has been notified to report to the refectory for breakfast by Fay. I woke Ferus up just before I came here. He'll head to the refectory when he's done."
"Of course Anakin's in the hangar," Obi-Wan said. "I just hope he got some sleep . . . and that working on the starfighters helped bring him some peace."
"He seemed better last night," Siri remarked, and Obi-Wan shrugged.
"He and I still aren't completely on the same page anymore. We'll get there, but I could still sense his guilt and his confusion. He was better . . . but was he better? That's not easy for me to answer right now."
"Well, let's get down to the refectory and we can see for ourselves," Siri said before she glanced at Taria. "How's the caf?"
"Mandalorian spiced caf," Taria said with a grin, and Siri sighed appreciatively. "You know Kas takes care of his people."
"Wonderful," Siri said in relief.
Conversation was light the rest of the way to the refectory, where they found all of their fellow Jedi and their Padawans, as well as small groups of Mandalorians and some of the others that were part of Kastor's crew.
Siri led Taria and Obi-Wan over to where the Mandalorian on KP was already dishing up some plates for them.
"Caf or tea, Jedi?" Torig asked brusquely.
"Caf would be brilliant, Tor," Siri said with a friendly smile.
"Tea, please," Obi-Wan said.
"Caf," Taria said.
The Mandalorian nodded shortly and prepared three mugs that he handed over with the plates.
"Thank you," Obi-Wan said.
"You want to thank me, you'll convince Shan and Lok to let me order some proper spices for this bloody ship," Torig said gruffly and Siri smiled.
"I'll see what I can do."
"Hmmph, between you and Lady Fay, I might actually get a legitimately stocked refectory," Torig said.
"Oh? Fay promised her aid?" Siri asked, amused.
"Everytime Lady Fay comes onboard, she brings some sort of spice from wherever she was along with usually a few bottles of alcohol or some delicacy," Torig remarked fondly.
"Hmm, I'll have to remember that," Siri said thoughtfully.
"Obi-Wan, Siri, Taria, good morning it is," Yoda said as the three of them took the open seats around the group.
"Good morning, Master," all three voices echoed, and they all dug into their meals.
Siri glanced at Obi-Wan as he took a sip of his tea, and noticed he cringed slightly, though not enough for most to notice, before he set it down and continued with his meal.
"Ferus, can you pass one sugar packet?" Siri asked, and Ferus nodded, grabbing the requested packet.
"Sugar with spiced caf, Tachi?" Taria asked, looking offended.
"Of course not," Siri said with a roll of her eyes, as she took the packet, and ripped off the top. She then promptly dumped it into Obi-Wan's tea next to her.
She got several incredulous looks while Obi-Wan smiled wryly.
"You know Mandalorians don't put sugar in their tea," he said.
"None of the Mandalorians on this ship will judge you, especially since we're not in Mandalorian space," she retorted. "There's no need for you to drink bitter tea when I know you like it a little sweetened. Now, say thank you, Siri, for helping me to not be a stick in the mud."
"Thank you, Siri, for helping me to not be a stick in the mud," Obi-Wan parroted as requested, and Siri nodded approvingly.
Anakin laughed, and Siri winked at him while Ferus just stared at her bemused.
"Strong bond, you still have," Yoda said with a tilt of his head. "Since you were Padawans, little has changed. Impressed on the battlefield, I was. Perhaps, send you on missions together more, we should."
"I've been saying that for years," Kastor muttered, shooting a put out expression at Yoda who merely smiled at him.
"You two have a bond?" Anakin asked, with a hint of his old overeagerness. "I thought bonds were only between masters and padawans? I thought those types of attachments were forbidden for those outside of that?"
"We formed a force bond during a mission when we were Padawans," Obi-Wan answered slowly. "Force bonds exist between many people in the Order. Siri has one with Kastor and her former Master as well as me. Not all masters and Padawans keep their bond when the Padawan is Knighted, but some do."
"Force bonds were more common back in my original time," Kastor said, drawing everyone's interest. "They're dead useful, which is why I tend to link them to Jedi I work with and have a good rapport with. They help synchronize actions, allowing a team to work in tandem together, without the years that usually take to get to that point."
"But what about the attachment part?" Anakin asked.
Kastor, Obi-Wan, and Siri all shrugged.
"Attachment isn't perception," Obi-Wan said. "A bond doesn't mean that I can't let Siri go when the time comes or when we go our separate ways as we often do. Siri clearly made me believe she left the Order when she went undercover, and I continued on with my duty as a Jedi, even though I mourned the loss of a friend. A bond can lead to the type of forbidden attachment to the Order, which is why many break their training bonds, and why force bonds aren't as common these days, but they don't have to lead to attachment or greed."
Anakin nodded, and Obi-Wan felt some of his Padawan's confusion leave him. Clearly they had just helped him figure out something that had been bugging him, but Obi-Wan wasn't completely sure what it was.
"What did Omega mean when he said that the Jedi couldn't hope to match the Sith when they joined together?" Anakin asked. "Can I finally learn everything about Xanatos?"
Obi-Wan grimaced.
"Neither are subjects I like to discuss, and the first is really only speculation, but when we get done with breakfast, we can move this discussion to the command bridge and discuss everything."
**The Will of the Force**
Anakin felt his patience waning when they finally made it to the bridge, but he felt his patience rewarded when the dived straight into Xanatos as the first topic, outlining Xanatos's history with Qui-Gon, and when it had all gone wrong, before they went into Obi-Wan's own history with the man, which inadvertently meant revealing his time on Bandomeer and how he became Qui-Gon's apprentice.
To say that Anakin was shocked to learn that his Master, one of the greatest Knights in the Order, almost didn't become a Jedi because he was too reckless, was a huge shock. It certainly made him appreciate that Obi-Wan understood more than Anakin realized, and made him realize just how much his master must fight the Council to protect Anakin's actions at times.
From there though, Anakin was less happy.
"Why weren't we told about the possible Sith?" Anakin asked, with a frown, feeling like they weren't trusted.
"Worry you all, with rumors, we would wish not," Yoda said. "Still rumors, this is. Unknown it is, if found other Sith, Omega has. Find out, we will."
"That's been my focus recently," Kastor said. "I've recruited Madam Jocasta and some of the other Lorekeepers to help research some of the Sith Lords that Omega might have hinted about. My current plan is to take a few journeys to some old Sith worlds. I'm hoping to find some answers."
"I'd like to help, if you'll have me," Taria said. "It's time for me to get back in the game."
"You're more than welcome," Kastor said warmly.
"What about us?" Anakin asked. "We need to stop Omega!"
"Agreed we are," Yoda said with a nod, "but commit more Jedi for searches, unwise it may be. Stretched thin, we are. Help others, we cannot, if devote too much to Omega, we do. Prepared to help Kastor, you should be, young Skywalker, but part of the search, you will not be. Not yet, that is. If the Force wills, you will be."
Anakin grimaced.
"Hey kid, if it makes you feel any better, it'll probably be really boring," Rhys said, and Siri snorted in amusement.
"Probably," Kastor agreed with an amused grin. "Still, I worry about what might be hidden in the shadows. Omega could be bluffing . . . but I fear that he truly has found a Sith Lord . . . and not the one we thought he would find."
"First though, rest we must," Yoda said. "Time to refind balance, you need."
Anakin wanted to protest at that, but he stopped when he saw Kastor nod in agreement.
"I have just the place for us to go for a week and a half," Kastor said, and then he grinned at both Anakin and Ferus. "A place that will help provide respite, a place where the needed conversations can be had, where our two Padawans can learn a thing or two, and where I have some old friends to visit. Besides, there's something there that I've always wanted to learn, so it should be educational and enjoyable all around."
**The Will of the Force**
"We'll be exiting hyperspace in a couple minutes," Kastor's voice came through the ship's internal speakers. "Strap yourselves in for our descent."
"I guess we'll finally find out where we're going," Anakin muttered to Ferus next to him.
"I'm still more impressed that he effectively ordered Master Yoda to join us," Ferus whispered back, and Anakin could admit that he was still impressed as well.
Kastor had agreed with Yoda, but whether Yoda had thought that the suggestion for rest applied to himself was up for debate. Kastor had decided that it did, and had ordered all of them, Obi-Wan, Siri, Anakin, Ferus, Fay, Yoda, and Taria to prepare for a week and a half long journey. Nobody had argued, though Anakin was sure even most of the other Jedi had been a bit surprised at Kastor's boldness with ordering Yoda, though the ancient Master had simply nodded with a pleasant smile, almost looking eager for whatever Kastor had planned, which couldn't be right, since, "A Jedi craves not adventure."
"Don't let my old master fool you," Fay said, sitting down next to them and leaning in conspiratorially. "Yoda may not crave adventure, but he does love exploring and visiting worlds, whether he's been there or not, and he loves meeting new people. If he could teach younglings while traveling, he would."
Anakin grinned at her, and his smile widened as she turned on the holotable, which showed the surrounding landscape of the planet they were getting ready to land on.
Anakin frowned slightly, seeing the desert world, but it was different from Tatooine. Unlike the rolling mounds of sand on his home planet, this planet had vast mountainous plains and massive mesas made of rock and sand. There was an enormous pinkish purple planet hanging above the planet's clear blue sky.
Anakin and Ferus continued to observe the planet as the ship flew on before finally a colossal walled city appeared on the screen. There was a fair bit of air traffic, and as they flew over the city, Anakin could see a fairly expansive market.
There was a towering, triangular-shaped skyscraper at one end of the city border, with a sandstone weathered surface, and it reflected the sunlight back at them.
"Welcome, my young friends, to the Holy City, Jedha," Fay said quietly, and Anakin looked at the city with further interest.
He knew the history. Jedha was a holy world for the Jedi, and used to be very important to their efforts to provide service to the galaxy in the Jedi Order's early history, before expansion and new hyperspace routes had taken them further into the Core. Combined with the ancient wars that decimated many of the other ancient temples, Jedha's use to the Order had mostly faded, but the world was still important to the Order, and there was still a small presence on the world, though Anakin hadn't realized there was actually a Temple for the Order.
"Master, I didn't think we had a Temple on Jedha?" Ferus queried.
"We don't," Fay said with a smile, but didn't elaborate, and Anakin and Ferus exchanged a look, and Anakin was a bit amused to see that for once they were on the same page: confused.
"A vergence in the Force, Jedha is," Yoda said, making his way to them slowly. "Feel it, do you?"
Anakin and Ferus both nodded slowly. The Force was extremely potent on the planet, and in a way, while it heightened Anakin's energy, it also almost dulled his Senses. Trying to locate anything on this planet with the Force would be like trying to wade across the strongest river on any planet, without drifting. It reminded him of Ilum slightly, but stronger in a way. He figured it had to do with there being far more lifeforms compared to Ilum, but maybe it was also just a stronger vergence."
"Why are we here?" Anakin asked.
"A good world to reflect on, this is," Yoda answered. "Also, friends of the Jedi, here there are. A lesson, Kastor wishes you to learn. Learn it here, you will."
"Why did Kastor decide we all were coming here then?" Anakin asked, and Ferus's eyes widened in surprise at Anakin's slight impertinence.
"It's not just you two who have a lesson to learn," Fay said with a smile. "Kastor has a lesson he wants us all to learn." She grinned at her old master. "Learn it here, we will."
Yoda gave his little laugh, and nodded in agreement, but Anakin didn't understand. What would he and Ferus learn on this excursion? What could Kastor teach Jedi like Fay and Yoda?
Kastor set the ship down on a mesa, just outside the city, outside even the portion of the city outside of the giant wall. Looking around, Anakin could see dozens of other ships also parked in the various mesas around. He deduced it meant that there weren't many, if any, landing pads in the city. Kastor came back from the cockpit with a chuckling Taria, who had acted as his copilot, and with Anakin's master and Siri, who had both been in the communications room, and were shaking their heads in exasperation.
"What are we going to learn on Jedha?" Anakin asked, and Kastor smirked at him.
"Hmm, it seems we'll have to start with patience," Kastor said, and Anakin flushed, and it didn't help that he saw Siri and Taria both grin, and even Obi-Wan was doing his best to hide a smile.
"Kastor, be nice," Fay scolded, but when Anakin glanced at her, he could see amusement reflected in her eyes. He was used to Kastor's teasing though and hadn't taken it personally. It had just caught him off guard. Normally he would have given a cheeky grin back as his response.
"As you wish," Kastor said easily. "We have a short walk to the Holy City, and then we'll get to see a bit of the city while we walk to the Temple of the Kyber, where we will be staying."
"We're staying in the Temple?" Ferus asked, surprised. "I didn't think the Jedi had that sort of presence on Jedha?"
"Jedi are welcomed and respected, just as all other Force based religions are," Fay explained. "The Temple is open to all, though yes, usually Jedi would not stay in the Temple. The Church of the Force, the Disciples of the Whills, and the Guardians of the Whills have a close relationship with the Order, but they do not serve the Order."
"Then why are we?" Anakin asked.
"Because we have friends here," Siri answered, which only really partially explained away Anakin and Ferus's confusion, since they couldn't think of any friends that anyone had mentioned on this planet, let alone people who would make exceptions and give them lodging in a place Jedi would not normally receive lodging.
Still, Anakin and Ferus both dutifully gathered up their travel packs and prepared to leave, though Anakin figured he'd packed rather poorly for a desert planet and was wishing he'd been warned they'd be going somewhere that was possibly dry, dusty, and hot.
That thought didn't last though.
"We're on a cold, desert planet," Anakin muttered flatly.
He didn't like the sand, nor the harsh winds that were common for desert planets, but having grown up on one, he did prefer warmer temperatures. Not blistering hot, like most desert planets, but he still preferred to keep things warmer, and if he had a choice between extremely cold and blistering hot, he'd take the blistering hot.
"You say cold, I say brisk," Kastor said, chuckling.
"Hmm, agree with the Padawan, I do," Yoda said. "Cold it is, but the way of things it is, and a wonder this world still remains."
Anakin could at least see what Yoda was speaking of there. The planet did teem with the Force unlike any Anakin had been on before save for Ilum, and that was really only in the crystal caves. This was a planet that almost thrummed to him. He felt like he could do nearly anything . . . except use the Force to navigate. He felt power thrum, but it was almost intoxicating, making it nearly impossible for him to focus on following even his Force bond to Obi-Wan. It was weird.
"This world is a strong nexus in the Force," Taria said helpfully. "It's one of the reasons why this planet was chosen by our Order's ancestors as a world to host our Order from. This planet had the hyperspace lanes, but it also thrums with the Force, like can only be found on few other worlds in comparison to the vastness of the galaxy."
"What other worlds?" Anakin asked, knowing of only a few places that had vergences.
"Most of the worlds that the Order once had or currently maintains large Temples on, like Tython, Ilum, and Ossus," Taria said. "Some aren't nearly as potent, as I'm sure you've noticed this place is weaker than Ilum, but still stronger than most. Though, there are plenty of other planets that are vergences that the Order is not settled on. Many of the holy Sith worlds are vergences for the dark side, like Korriban, Dromund Kaas, and Ziost."
With Fay happily explaining a bit more on nexuses, the group set off, approaching the outer city, beyond the large wall of Jedha.
"This outer part is known as the 'New City,'" Kastor explained as they hit the outskirts, and even here, Anakin and Ferus could see people wearing robes that seemed religious, likely pilgrims to one of the many Temples in Jedha City, like their masters had been explaining to them. "Even the New City is well over 5,000 years old though. Many come here for pilgrimage and it is considered the first part of your pilgrimage to land outside the city and walk in on your own two feet."
The outer city was bustling, and everywhere Anakin looked, he saw people going about their day, enjoying their lives. The city seemed to have a simplicity about it that you couldn't find in many places in the Core, but at the same time, people were happier and more open.
Anakin and Ferus continued to observe the populace as they moved through the outer city before they finally made their way through a large gate into the walled inner city. Anakin was a bit surprised to see that once through the gate there was a central corridor that would take them straight to the Kyber Temple, and it was also a long marketplace, teeming with Jedha locals and pilgrims alike.
There were stalls on both sides, selling all sorts of things, and Anakin now felt like he was on a congested street on Coruscant. As they walked, there were occasional gaps in the stalls, which were pathways to other temples, and Anakin noted the religions that the temples were built for: Fallanassi, Lonto, the Sorcerers of Tund, the Matukai . . .
Everywhere he looked there were visitors bringing offerings to the Temples, pilgrims silently or vocally praying, children playing all around, elders and adults laughing and joking, and monks in blue and white walking around, looking like a police force, protecting everyone . . . Were they other warrior monks like the Jedi?
Finally, they approached the impressive Kyber Temple, which was every bit as impressive as the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. The Temple's enormous spire stretched into the heavens, high above the walls of the Holy City. Anakin could see two of those blue-robed warrior monks guarding the doors to the Temple, clearly on watch, but giving off a generally friendly and welcoming atmosphere.
"Finally you show yourself. I have been waiting for you all day," a voice said clearly, and Anakin glanced over to see a tanned man, with distinctly cloudy eyes, in the same blue robes as the guards in front of the Temple, sitting on some steps to another section of the city. He stood up, holding a wooden staff, which he tapped on the floor, and Anakin could see part of some sort of blaster or bowcaster on a sling on the man's back. The man's voice reverberated bright and clear, and he had an unassuming demeanor. "The Force is with me, and I'm one with the Force. All is as the Force wills it, and I fear nothing . . . except anything that the great Kastor Shan is involved in."
Anakin stiffened in outrage, but that faded to confusion as Kastor laughed, and then Kastor moved towards the man.
"You're not still holding that little incident in the little tavern on fifth street against me, are you my old friend? I maintain that it was completely the fault of that reprobate you consider an older brother."
"And yet you seem to forget about your reprobate of a partner's involvement," the man said, smiling wide.
"Well, I was being fair by leaving out his involvement, since we both seem to be leaving yours out as well," Kastor said with a smirk.
"Hmm, so the fault lies with Baze," the man said simply, and Kastor nodded seriously, and the man burst out laughing as Kastor and the man hugged.
"It has been too long," Kastor said.
"It is good to have you here, my friend," the man agreed, and then he turned towards the rest of their group, seemingly seeing them, but clearly not physically seeing them, "and I see you managed to convince Siri to return and Lady Fay, Master Yoda, you are most welcome as always. Greetings to the rest of you. I am Chirrut Îmwe, Guardian of the Whills, protector of the Kyber Temple. Any friend of Kastor's is a friend of mine, and I am honored to be one of your hosts for this trip to the Kyber Temple."
"The honor, with us, it lies," Yoda said with a respectful nod. "Happy we are to be here. Good it is to see you again."
"Let me guide you all on a tour and then to your rooms so -" Chirrut started to say, when a scoff cut him off, and Anakin turned to see another tan, but far bulkier man with long, black hair, and a wry smile on his face.
"If you let this fool guide you around, you'll be lost before you know it, and spend your entire trip just trying to find your rooms."
"The Force guides me and protects me," Chirrut retorted back.
"I protect you," the man replied snarkily, "and I want our guests to enjoy their stay, which is why I will help lead them to their rooms."
"You just want to make sure that Kastor and Siri will go out drinking with you again," Chirrut accused.
"I don't need to make sure of that," the man said back with a roll of his eyes. "I already know that they'll do that!"
Kastor laughed again.
"Alright, you two, enough," he said, beaming at the other man. "It's always great to see you, Baze, and you can both guide us around. Of course, without you, Chirrut would lose his way."
"Finally, someone agrees with me," Baze said triumphantly, and Chirrut snorted. "Follow me, and we'll show you the Kyber Temple."
Anakin exchanged glances with Ferus, who shrugged, and then he looked at his Master, who smiled and winked at him, looking at their two new companions. He saw Siri, Fay, and Yoda all looking at the two men fondly, and lastly was Taria who had sidled up with Kastor and was eagerly getting involved in the playful barbs that were being tossed between the three men and soon three men and one woman.
Still, Anakin listened about the history of the Temple and its importance to the Order and to other Force religions, it being created out of an old mine that the Jedi used as a Temple and location for mining Kyber crystals for their lightsabers. Thousands of years prior, the mines had been worked hard, and they still had steady workers, but now the mines were catacombs below the Kyber Temple.
Anakin enjoyed seeing the incredible and beautifully carved kyber crystals that were lining the hallways of the Temple, and then lining many of the tunnels once they started working their way through a network of tunnels. The Kyber had been carved into many incredible scenes, ranging from a Jedi battling a serpent-like creature to animals to beings meditating. It was a beautiful mesh of blue and green kyber, but many of the crystals were incredibly large, something he hadn't seen a ton of on Ilum, and obviously very different from his other interactions with kyber as a Jedi, where their focus was more on smaller ones meant for lightsabers.
Despite Baze's comments, it seemed to Anakin that Chirrut Îmwe had no struggles navigating the winding catacombs of the Temple and was more than capable of being their guide, which confused Anakin. Clearly Baze's comments were just to tease, but that didn't lessen Anakin's curiosity. Chirrut was clearly blind, but navigated with ease, which meant that Chirrut must be Force sensitive . . . so why wasn't he a Jedi?
After the tour, which took them a couple hours, they were guided to a large hall for their evening meal, which was warm and tasty, if simple, reminding Anakin of the Jedi Temple. Then, they were guided to their rooms, which Anakin was happy to see were individual rooms. They were very simple and also reminded him of his room back at the Temple. Simple, but comfortable, and while Anakin had gotten quite comfortable going to sleep in strange and unfamiliar places during his time as a Padawan, it wasn't even hard for him to drift off into a peaceful sleep in the cozy bed.
The next two days passed oddly. When he awoke, he found notes from his Master, which gave him the times of day when food was served in the Temple, and a small bag of credits for him to spend, and then the note simply told him to enjoy his day.
He enjoyed exploring the Holy City, both inner and outer, the Kyber Temple, and the tunnels below. Throughout the day, he met shopkeepers, locals, pilgrims, and occasionally ran across his companions also exploring or laughing, often with Guardians, whether that was Chirrut, Baze, or someone else. He was often invited to join them all, but he generally enjoyed the solitude, and instead explored and met people on his own. He met disciples of the various religions, whether that was the Disciples of the Whills, the Church of the Force, or the Matukai. While the first two were quite similar to the Jedi Order, and in effect were linked to the Order, the last was different in that they channeled their power through physical actions, which admittedly interested Anakin, since he had never enjoyed the strict mediation and concentration that the Jedi Order favored.
The one who kept him curious was Chirrut. Sometimes the man would know he was nearby before Anakin realized that Chirrut was there. He'd call friendly greetings over from across a crowded square, surprise Anakin in the tunnels, and even managed to catch a child who slipped on stairs and almost fell. The greatest shock was on day three when he decided to see what Chirrut and Kastor were talking about.
"The metal is almost done cooling, and the carving is almost done," Kastor said.
"You've learned well and it's going to be a brilliant creation once it's done," Chirrut said with a smile.
"What are you guys talking about?" Anakin asked curiously.
Kastor smiled.
"Chirrut is teaching me how to make their Light Bows," he explained.
Anakin frowned in confusion, and Chirrut moved over to a table, where his staff was, and Anakin noticed a strange sort of blaster on the table. When Chirrut grabbed it though, he manipulated it, and then Anakin recognized it as some sort of crossbow, similar to the weapon the wookiees were famous for.
"You're learning how to make one of those?" Anakin asked Kastor, flabbergasted.
"Yep!" Kastor said brightly. "Always wanted to know how. This journey was the perfect opportunity to do so."
"But Jedi don't use blasters," Anakin said slowly.
"Some do," Kastor said with a shrug. "You should remember I also spend a fair amount of time undercover and keep a fair variety of weapons for that purpose. However, in this case, it's mostly just curiosity. I may rarely if ever use this light bow, but I still learned something new, and I learned it with a friend, which is something to treasure regardless of any physical gain."
Anakin nodded slowly in understanding, and then listened as Chirrut and Kastor gave him a basic rundown of the process, where they were, and what they still had to do. After Chirrut walked away to talk with Taria about something, Anakin finally asked Kastor the question.
"He's Force sensitive right?" Anakin asked. "Why isn't he a Jedi?"
"He's not Force sensitive or at least not enough for the Jedi Order," Kastor said simply, "He never would have been accepted as a child. The Force resides in all living things, of course, but he only has a small ability to feel the Force."
"Oh," Anakin said with a frown. "So, he doesn't have enough power to be a Jedi."
Kastor raised an eyebrow, and then he smirked almost evilly at Anakin.
"Let's find out, shall we?" he said, and made his way towards Chirrut and Taria, with a gesture at Anakin to follow.
Anakin frowned and did as requested.
"Chirrut," Kastor called out. "You've been challenged."
Anakin's eyes widened as Chirrut glanced over, paused for a moment, and then smiled easily and nodded, grabbing his walking staff. Taria grinned. Anakin glanced around, and saw Obi-Wan and Siri's attention had been caught, as had Yoda, Ferus, and Fay's. The latter three had been in a debate with a few other Disciples and Guardians of the Whills and a few members of the Church of the Force.
Anakin followed Kastor and Chirrut through the Temple and into a large training room, very reminiscent of the Coruscant Jedi Temple Training Room. There were other wooden staffs and training blades lining the walls, and Kastor gave him a nod to pick his weapon, so Anakin spent a moment feeling the weight of a few of the training blades before he selected one.
Anakin wondered what Kastor was trying to teach him. He was an Order trained Padawan, and rarely if ever lost bouts with his fellow Padawans. Sure, there was still a lot for him to learn and improve on, but the Force was with him . . . something his opponent couldn't really say.
Chirrut stood waiting for him in the center of the room, his walking staff in his hands, and Anakin went out and stood across from him. Anakin got into a ready stance, which Chirrut mirrored, his head tilting slightly.
"Ready?" Kastor asked, from the side, and Anakin and Chirrut both nodded, Chirrut with an easy smile on his face, Anakin with a focused look. "Begin!"
Anakin moved forward swiftly, intending to end this quickly and give a good showing of his skills. Anakin swung from the right with a swift cut, but Chirrut easily blocked his blow and then spun around, using the bottom of half of his staff to strike at Anakin's chest. Anakin deftly moved back, barely avoiding the blow, and Anakin cursed himself, not thinking about what it meant to fight a quarterstaff user. The Order gave basic instruction on fighting double bladed lightsaber and force pike users, but none of Anakin's peers used one, so it had been a while since he'd practiced against one.
Chirrut moved swiftly and precisely, meeting Anakin's best offensive attempts and deflecting them away before striking back, keeping Anakin more defensive than he was used to against anyone except his Master. Anakin realized he had underestimated Chirrut, but like he'd thought before, he had the Force . . . Chirrut did not.
Anakin jumped over Chirrut, but when he landed and turned to strike, he felt his leg being sweeped, and realized too late that Chirrut hadn't turned to confront him fully, but rather had turned enough to allow his quarterstaff's reach to strike at his legs. Anakin fell hard, and then Chirrut stepped closer and put his staff to Anakin's chest, taking the victory. Anakin stared at the man, partially in shock, feeling some humiliation for his public loss, but also with respect.
Kastor moved forward, clapping softly.
"Impressive bout, both of you. Chirrut, your Zama-shiwo is as masterful as ever. I think I speak for most of us Jedi in asking if you would be willing to instruct us in your martial art in the morning for the rest of our stay?"
"I would be honored to pass on my knowledge," Chirrut said with a bow.
"Thank you, my friend," Kastor said, bowing in turn, and then he turned to Anakin. "Follow me."
Anakin followed Kastor as he led him back out of the training hall, and he saw Obi-Wan watching him, and his master gave him a rueful shake of his head, and mouthed the word, 'trouble' at him.
Anakin fell into step next to Kastor once they made it into the Temple's corridors, wondering if he was about to get a scolding.
"I owe you an apology, Anakin," Kastor said finally, and Anakin glanced at the Jedi Master in confusion.
"Master?" Anakin said in confusion.
"I've tried my best to be a comforting presence, someone for you to go to for guidance, and I've done my best to limit scolding you, leaving that to Obi-Wan," Kastor said.
"You've done that, Master," Anakin said, still very confused.
"Perhaps, but I still feel like I've fallen short in some areas," Kastor said. "I've tried to fill the role of a grandmaster for you, since Qui-Gon isn't with us." Kastor smiled slightly. "Maybe more, grandmaster-in-law? That is, if Adi wants to keep blaming me for Siri's impertinence, then I guess I get some claim on her as a master."
Anakin hadn't known really what to say when Kastor started but his ending caused a snort of amusement.
"Grandmaster-in-law? Because Obi-Wan and Siri are married?" Anakin asked teasingly.
"Something like that. They certainly argue and fight like an old married couple," Kastor agreed with a laugh, which Anakin joined in with, before Kastor's smile faded somewhat. "Still, the one thing I haven't done as much as I probably should have is been more involved in your spiritual and emotional growth," Kastor said. "I've been someone for you to vent to, someone for you to go to to get away from your Master and have some peace, even if it's just in taking apart my ship."
Anakin grinned ruefully at that.
"However, while I'm sure you've appreciated that, I feel that there are some discussions I probably should have had with you . . . things I should have helped Obi-Wan with more. Our Order as a whole has not been extremely fair to you or Obi-Wan. You both are doing a marvelous job together, but you were thrust together. With your childhood, you needed more support than you've been given. Obi-Wan falters at times with you, like all Knights/Masters do with their first Padawans, and he's done an incredible job considering he became your master the day he was knighted, but you probably should have gone to a Master, one who had already worked out some of their own growth kinks and simply needed to learn how to adapt to your particular challenges."
Anakin didn't really know what to say to that. He did feel let down by the Order at times, and by Obi-Wan at times.
"It's not fair to Obi-Wan or to you," Kastor continued. "Obi-Wan doesn't always know how to help you, but it's because he needs help too, and he is still young. We'll come back to this later in a different part of this discussion I want to have. I scolded Obi-Wan on this once, and he's done better, but I never gave you the same scolding, a scolding that goes with a lesson. The scolding is that Obi-Wan is not Qui-Gon Jinn and you are not Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Anakin frowned.
"I know that, Master."
"You do and you don't," Kastor said simply. "It was the same with Obi-Wan. He kept trying to be Qui-Gon, kept trying to create the bond that they had. You kept holding him to the standard of what you thought Qui-Gon was. Perhaps Qui-Gon would have been the better Master for you, perhaps not. What I know is that it isn't fair to Obi-Wan that you idolize Qui–Gon. You long for the bond that they shared, but you don't understand that you and Obi-Wan are closer now than he and Qui-Gon were in their early years. At the same time, he's been recently treating you like Qui-Gon treated him, trying to give you time to reflect on everything that has happened to you so that you will be forced to come to terms with your own feelings. He knows that you need to find a deeper connection to your core to become a Knight, and he's trying to give you that, but Qui-Gon's way might not be the right way for you . . . at least not since Qui-Gon died. He falls back on how Qui-Gon was with him, but he doesn't know how Qui-Gon might have been with you because Qui-Gon would have been different with you, since you are not Obi-Wan Kenobi. Qui-Gon's death has shaped much of yours and Obi-Wan's relationship, and unfortunately, it means that even when Obi-Wan is channeling his inner Qui-Gon, he's likely to feel like he's doing it wrong, and you're likely to feel like he's let you down. I suspect much of your interactions would have been very different had Qui-Gon lived, whether you were Obi-Wan's Padawan or Qui-Gon's."
Anakin stayed silent, but pondered Kastor's words, reflecting on what he was saying. He could see what Kastor was saying, and he knew he couldn't truly disagree. As much as he didn't like it, the fact was that Kastor and Obi-Wan had known Qui-Gon so much better than Anakin ever would, which meant that Kastor's thoughts were probably accurate. He knew Kastor was simply trying to get him to think about his actions, words, and thoughts when it came to Obi-Wan's actions, trying to get him to look more analytically at his feelings and inspect whether he was holding Obi-Wan to fair standards.
"I understand, Master," Anakin said with a slow nod. "I'll do better."
Kastor smiled. "Good. Now, let's get another scolding out of the way."
"Can't we skip more scolding?" Anakin tried hopefully.
Kastor laughed. "Not this time, I'm afraid. Let's talk about you and Chirrut today. What happened today?"
"I underestimated him and lost," Anakin said.
"What were your exact words before I forced that fight?" Kastor asked.
"I said he didn't have enough power to be a Jedi," Anakin answered, pretty sure where this conversation was going.
"First, does the Force make a Jedi?" Kastor asked, and Anakin paused, slightly surprised at the turn. He had expected to get a scolding about Jedi not caring about power.
"Well, there are Force sensitives out there that aren't Jedi . . . so no," Anakin said, slowly, thinking it through, "but a Jedi's greatest ally is the Force, so also, yes."
"Have you ever heard of Lyr Farseeker?" Kastor asked.
Anakin frowned and shook his head.
"Can't say that I have, Master."
"Lyr Farseeker was a Jedi Master, hundreds of years ago," Kastor said, and Anakin waited for why this mattered. "Lyr Farseeker was not Force Sensitive and he is accounted as one of the greatest Masters of the Order."
Anakin's eyes widened.
"Power does not make a Jedi. You lost that fight with Chirrut, and I can assure you that you are more powerful than Chirrut. The Force does not make a Jedi. Trusting in the Force, even when you can't sense it takes far more faith than most Jedi can claim. Being a Jedi is a way of life. It means serving the will of the Force, helping those who are less fortunate, being selfless in service, and showing kindness and being calm when faced with anger. Chirrut Îmwe may not have the Force, but I think he would make an incredible Jedi if he wanted to be one, regardless of his age and his powers. That's something that I want Yoda to be reminded of . . . something I would love to have the whole Council . . . the whole Order remember. We seek children gifted with the Force and often turn down those who find their way to us later in life, due to their age, unless they have great power and are in desperate need of our guidance. Or, we take them in, but deny them the path of a Knight, and instead turn them to the still extremely admirable but often under-respected Service Corps or Service to the Temple in some form."
Anakin had never really seen Kastor like this.
"The Council does not make one a Jedi," Kastor said, his eyes almost blazing. "The Order doesn't make one a Jedi. Look at Fay? The other nomads like her. Are they any less Jedi for not necessarily serving at the guidance of the Council or even the Order?"
Anakin shook his head slowly, thinking on Kastor's words. It was easy for him to agree though. He had great respect for Master Fay, and certainly would not consider her a lesser Jedi for not serving the Council. If anything, he admired her more, especially with his newfound appreciation for his Master and the Council in showing him how far he had to go for inner calm . . . for showing him what to strive for.
"I tell you this because I want you to realize that while you are currently a Padawan, with your life fairly restricted by the Order and by your Master, this will not always be so. Even now, if you truly wish to go to your mother, you could leave the Order, even only temporarily, as Omega offered to you."
Anakin looked at him sharply, and Kastor nodded seriously.
"That might force you to give up a chance of being a Knight, but it might not. I don't deem to presume the minds of the Council. If you are honest and request a leave of absence, perhaps you can come back and continue your training, perhaps not. That is not up to me, but Anakin, the Order is self-restraint. It's a choice. Not slavery. You can choose to leave at any time you want, and if you continue on the path you've been shown, perhaps you'll even be able to look at yourself and know that you are a Jedi to your core. Maybe not. That's for you to decide. The Jedi life is a choice and it requires sacrifice, but it is and will always be a choice. That is the way of the Jedi. Giving people the choice to make their decisions, to trust in the Force, and not use our power or lack thereof to enforce our wills on others. I don't want you thinking that you are stuck in this way of life. Obi-Wan, myself, Siri, Fay, Yoda, any of us would still be there for you if you needed us whether you are a Jedi or not."
"We're an Order because it allows us to pool our resources, allows us to support each other, and provides us access to those of shared understanding and belief. I sometimes fear we fail to properly explain why we are an Order. I think you started seeing it on Mawan, towards the end."
Anakin nodded slowly, agreeing. It was seeing that all of his fellow Jedi were angry, distraught with Yaddle's death, but they had leaned on each other to come together, to keep their inner calm, to find the way forward to help the people of Mawan and accomplish Yaddle's vision.
"I just want you to think on my words, Anakin," Kastor said. "You should never feel forced to be a Jedi. If you truly wish to go a different way, I will give you credits right now, enough to get a start in life, doing whatever you wish. There is no shame in that. You could buy a ship, return to Tatooine and free your mother, if you choose. I want you to figure out if being a Jedi is what you truly want. It might take you years, long after your Knighting to figure out if that's the case. You might answer that question tomorrow. It will be answered in time, but someday, you'll need to answer it, and figure out if you truly want to be a Jedi. You also need to start thinking about what type of Jedi you wish to be. Perhaps the road of the Knight isn't your path."
Anakin slumped.
"You don't think I can handle it, Master?"
"On the contrary," Kastor said with a shake of his head. "I think you would make an incredible Jedi Knight, but will you be happy doing that? That, I don't know. Perhaps you'd find more enjoyment in the Exploration Corps, searching for the unknown in the stars and constantly visiting new and exciting places, seeing things that few if any others will ever see. Living on a ship of your own, moving based on where you feel you're best needed. Perhaps you will be a Knight, but would prefer to follow in Fay's steps, being separate from the Order, often only returning at rare intervals. Maybe you'll find a place that you call home and set up roots and become a watchman for a system. Those are all options."
"I understand, Master," Anakin said. "I'll think about what you've said. I truly will. This whole last mission opened up my eyes in many ways, but your words help. I truly will heed your advice."
"Good," Kastor said. "Now, onto the next topic. Let's talk visions."
Anakin froze. "Visions . . ."
"Visions and guilt," Kastor said knowingly. "Did you know that I occasionally experience visions?"
Anakin nodded slowly.
"Yoda said that I should speak to you . . . that you have experience with losses because of visions."
"I don't know if you ever heard, but I have a gift known as psychometry. When I touch objects or people, I can see the memories that pertain to that object or person. Their recent history, and the more I focus, the more I can see back into the object's past. Sometimes though, when I touch people, I'll gain visions of that person's future, to go with my visions of their past. I gained hundreds . . . perhaps even thousands of such visions when I was first found and awakened by Obi-Wan and Siri. I saw bits and pieces of their possible futures and bits and pieces of the future of the galaxy."
"That's a lot to have seen," Anakin said, slightly marveling and also wincing at such a large influx of visions.
"It was . . . I don't remember everything, but every now and then things come back in bits and pieces. One such time was Naboo."
Anakin gasped and Kastor nodded solemnly.
"I didn't know what would happen, but I had a feeling about Naboo. At the time, strategically and tactically, it made sense for me to be with the Gungan army. That was a place I could help save lives but as I talked to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, I couldn't help but also feel like I was needed there . . . that something important was going to happen. Instead, I felt a push to give them advice . . . not to get separated. It's good advice for anyone when facing Sith or Sith trained warriors, but it didn't matter. You can't always control the battlefield, and Qui-Gon pushed too hard . . . and it cost him his life."
Anakin stared.
"Obi-Wan survived, and he still feels guilt for Qui-Gon's death, but the harsh truth is that the majority of the blame for Qui-Gon's death lies with two people: the Sith Warrior Maul, and Qui-Gon himself. Still, do I not share some of the blame? If I had been there, could I have saved Qui-Gon's life? Maybe. That is guilt that is not easy to release, but release it you must."
"So you do understand," Anakin said softly.
"Only too well," Kastor said with a nod. "That is just one instance. I have others. Visions are tricky, as I'm sure you've been told, and as I'm sure you now know. They often only show hints of a possible future. You never know what steps will lead to that future, for good or ill. That is the danger with visions and acting on them. I don't tell you this to caution you against possibly following a vision - they are gifts from the Force - but you should always be wary of following a vision, good or bad. You never know what events lead to those circumstances."
"I understand, Master," Anakin said. "Thank you . . . and I'll try to remember that. I'll work to release my guilt . . . but I don't know if I can do it yet."
"That's okay," Kastor said with a nod and friendly smile. "What matters is that you keep trying. Inner peace isn't something that comes naturally to most. Time will help, talking can help. Confide in your master. Talk to Fay, myself, Yoda . . . even Siri. Taria too can be a great listener and good source of comfort. That is our strength as Jedi. Our bonds to each other. Talk to your friends, Tru, Darra, even Ferus if you give him a chance."
Anakin rolled his eyes at the last one but nodded, thinking about bonds. Fay and Kastor certainly had a bond. Siri and Obi-Wan had a bond. A bond as Jedi . . . and maybe something more. Maybe they were hypocrites. It was hard to tell. Maybe they weren't. He didn't know . . . but maybe Kastor would answer him now that they were trying to air things out.
"Bonds," Anakin said, and Kastor glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. "Obi-Wan and Siri have one . . . and you and Fay have one too, don't you?"
Kastor smiled at him, a hint of pride in his eyes.
"Indeed we do," Kastor said, giving him a nod to continue.
"Omega said you and Obi-Wan were both hypocrites," Anakin said. "Is he right? Is your bond to Fay, and my master's to Siri more than just a Force bond."
"Yes, our bonds are more, but no we are not hypocrites, though for different reasons," Kastor responded simply.
Anakin frowned, irritation rising somewhat, but at the same time it was tempered because Kastor was being honest answering this question.
"But Obi-Wan always warns me about the dangers of attachment, and how I need to learn to let them go," Anakin said.
"And he's right and you should learn how to let them go," Kastor agreed, and Anakin frowned in confusion. "The dangers, sure, he's warned you of, but has he ever said that you should never have them?"
Anakin paused and thought it through.
"No," he said slowly, "but other masters have."
"Yes, because that is the Order's current stance," Kastor agreed. "Don't you find it interesting that your master has never said the exact same thing?"
"I guess I never noticed," Anakin admitted.
Kastor smiled.
"You may not have, but I can assure you that your master has noticed and has deliberately been careful about not saying something that is completely contradictory to what he believes."
"Then why hasn't he said anything?" Anakin demanded.
"He can't," Kastor said simply.
"What do you mean he can't?" Anakin asked, frowning in confusion again.
"It's part of the cost of his exemption to the Order," Kastor said.
"Exemption? He and Siri have an exemption? I've never heard of an exemption on attachments," Anakin said.
"Yes, he does have an exemption, and I would argue it's the first of its kind," Kastor said. "There have been other exemptions, like Master Mundi has, where he has several wives and children because his species is endangered and males are very rare in their species, but he is not supposed to form any real attachment to them. This is the first exemption where two Jedi are allowed to have a real romantic attachment to one another."
"So, why can't he tell me about something like that?" Anakin demanded. "Why the secrecy?"
"Because they are the test," Kastor said. "The Council isn't certain that Jedi can have attachments or not, but they are exploring the option and they are doing so with Obi-Wan and Siri. However, since the Council hasn't weighed on whether attachments in some form should be allowed or not, they don't want Obi-Wan or Siri telling anyone about it, which includes you and Ferus. To this day, other than myself and the Council members, nobody else knows of the exemption. Sure, there are other Knights and Masters that know Obi-Wan and Siri have a bond, a physical relationship, and some few even know or suspect that they have pushed past what the Order would consider proper and have the attachment. Those few are among their friends and all seemingly have decided not to interfere in any way and even seem to openly be positive about it, but perhaps that's just them knowing how close the two are."
"So, how did they get this exemption then?" Anakin asked, his anger fading slightly, though he still felt some frustration with the Council and with his Master and Siri for not being open.
"Me," Kastor said. "It all starts with me."
"You?" Anakin asked, eyes widened in surprise slightly.
"As you know, Anakin, I was born well in the past. That Order didn't have a ban on attachments during my era. They were discouraged and generally frowned upon, but it wasn't forbidden. I had a wife, and though I never had the privilege to meet her, we had a daughter together."
"So . . . but if . . . why did the Jedi change then?" Anakin asked, confused.
"Because attachments can be dangerous," Kastor said. "Many Jedi have fallen because of their attachments. Obi-Wan will tell you that he felt anger when Qui-Gon fell and struck out in anger, and it almost cost him his life. I lost loved ones and almost fell several times. Many others weren't so fortunate and did fall and committed many great horrors. The Council in the past decided the risk wasn't worth it and simply forbade them."
"Then why now? Why are they looking to revise it now?"
"I told you that when Obi-Wan and Siri found me, I had a great many visions," Kastor said, and Anakin nodded. "I saw much of their pasts and I saw hundreds of futures. What would you say if I told you that without my intervention, Obi-Wan and Siri likely wouldn't be friends right now, or at least not very close ones?"
Anakin shook his head in disbelief. Obi-Wan and Siri not friends? He really couldn't imagine it.
"Well, that was the case prior to them finding me," Kastor said and Anakin frowned in confusion. "When they were only a little older than you, they went on a mission together. By that time, they were friends and had gotten over their rivalry . . . well, mostly," Kastor finished with a smile, and Anakin snorted knowing just how much those two loved to argue or heckle each other.
"During that mission, they faced an instance where they were sure they were going to die, and there was nothing they could do about it," Kastor said. "In that moment, they were sure they would be joining the Force, but they were joining it together. They realized what some of their friends had long since known," Kastor continued with a chuckle. "They realized that they weren't simply good friends, but that they had the possibility of being more. When they survived, they started a relationship in secret, as many Padawans do."
"They do?" Anakin said in shock. "I thought people raised in the Temple would know better? I mean if they know attachments are wrong, why would they try?"
"Because letting go of those feelings isn't easy for anyone, Anakin," Kastor said with a soft smile. "You are not the only one who struggles with attachments. It's just not advertised. You struggle to let your mother go. Others struggle to let their masters go when the time comes. In some cases, like Siri and Obi-Wan, they find the person they perhaps truly love and decide that they can manage. They can make it work. They can be the exception." Kastor sighed. "They tell themselves that when they are Knights and Masters, they can work together more or try to change things for others. They can love each other without possessiveness or greed."
"But someone found out?" Anakin asked.
Kastor nodded sadly. "Padawans are not and have never been all that good at hiding things from their Masters. Trust me on this. Often Padawans think their teachers don't know, but they do. They just might choose not to act on whatever it is for various reasons. Qui-Gon and Adi both knew, and Qui-Gon was struggling from his own previous attachment and what it nearly did to him when she died."
"Tahl," Anakin said softly. Obi-Wan had told him stories, and while he'd never said anything to tell Anakin that Qui-Gon and Tahl had been together, she was the only one that Anakin could think of, and something told him he was right.
"Correct," Kastor said with a sad nod. "When she died, Qui-Gon struggled. Without Obi-Wan, he might have fallen, or at least he might have become a far less kind and incredible man. Because of that, he feared for Obi-Wan, so he went to Yoda, and they both showed kindness and compassion . . ."
"But the relationship . . . and the friendship ended," Anakin said, putting the pieces together.
"Exactly," Kastor said with another sad nod. "Now, when they found me, I saw all that, but I also saw various futures, as you know. Many of those various futures were dark. You of all people have felt the darkness growing."
Anakin nodded.
"You have been involved in many of our attempts to fight that exact darkness."
Anakin nodded again, thinking of Omega and the Sith.
"Something I noticed in my visions of many dark futures was that the brightest ones were the ones where Obi-Wan and Siri were together in some form, whether that be as friends or perhaps more."
"So, you appealed to the Council," Anakin said, and Kastor nodded.
"I did, and while I don't truly believe their bond is what can save us, I do believe it is a step in the right direction. So, I appealed to the Council and I talked to your master and Siri and convinced them to restart their friendship, which eventually became more."
Anakin thought about what Kastor was saying.
"Attachments can be very dangerous, Anakin, but if managed, they can also be your greatest strength," Kastor said softly. "You do need to learn how to let your mother go. I'm not saying you shouldn't love her. I'm not saying you shouldn't think about her and want to help her, but you need to learn how to let go."
"But I have let her go!" Anakin protested. "I left Tatooine and I've never gone back! No matter how much I want to!"
"Physically, you left her," Kastor agreed, "but you never let her go here," Kastor said, touching Anakin's heart. "Always on your mind, she is. Obi-Wan and Siri are the test pilots for the Order. Or I should say they were the originals. They've made it work for years now, and the Order is finally looking into other candidates to see if this is worth rolling out to the whole Order, but part of their trial was letting each other go, even after they'd restarted their relationship."
"That seems cruel," Anakin said.
"It was," Kastor agreed. "It was hard for Siri to let Obi-Wan think that she was leaving and would never return, but it was her job. Therein lies the danger. If your attachment stops you from completing your task . . . if your attachment can be used against you to change your decisions or send you in the wrong direction, then it is dangerous. I'm working hard to get the Council to revise its stance on attachments as a whole, and it is maddeningly slow going, but progress is being made. It was only during the Galactic Games that the Council finally made Obi-Wan and Siri's exemption permanent, but still with the stipulations."
"But that was only like two years ago!" Anakin exclaimed in shock.
"Exactly," Kastor agreed with a sigh, "and I've been working on it since I was awakened almost ten years ago now. It's very, very slow going, but progress is being made. I'm hoping this progress will eventually spill out to Jedi like you, allowing you to have connections to your parents or possibly a partner someday, but that doesn't negate the fact that you need to learn to truly let your mother go. I have no doubt that someday you will see her again, and perhaps you will even be the one to free her when you're a Jedi Knight in your own right, but you need to learn to let go so that others cannot use her against you. Does that make sense?"
"It does, Master," Anakin said with a slow nod. "I just wish Obi-Wan could have told me, the Council be damned."
"He wanted to, more than almost anything," Kastor said, "but he and Siri walk a fine line and what they are doing is trying to help future generations of Jedi. Following the Council's edicts to allow them to continue their journey is the cost they pay. Me? The Council can't do much to me, and I'll speak to Yoda and talk to Ferus. This has been long coming, but you never asked in this way, and thus our hands were tied. I try not to directly go against the Council because I do need the Council's help to create change, and I have no right to speak for and attempt to change the entire Order without going through the correct process."
"Thank you for telling me this, Master," Anakin said, thinking it all through and knowing it would take him a while to digest everything.
"Of course," Kastor said. "I'm here for you, Anakin. Whenever you need me. For as long as the Force allows, and even after I'm gone, just look to the Force, and you will find me."
Anakin still wasn't sure about everything, but it didn't really matter at the moment. What mattered was that they were there for him, and for now, that was all that mattered. Anakin thought of Yaddle's last words.
If you lose your anger, find you it will. Embrace it and disappear it will. Chosen, you may be. But for what? Your question to answer, it is.
For now, the bonds of his fellow Jedi were enough, but someday, he would lose his anger and find it: the Force . . . strength. He would embrace the Force and his fear would disappear. He would find his path . . . he would find out what he was Chosen for. He would show that he could have the attachments he has without the risk.
"Now, let's go back and see if we can get Siri and Obi-Wan to spar each other," Kastor said with a grin. "Shouldn't be too hard to antagonize them. Taria will help. Then, we have another week here to recuperate."
"Except for our mornings where we'll be learning from Chirrut."
"Except then," Kastor agreed, wrapping an arm around Anakin's shoulders and dragging the now grinning Padawan along.