Chapter 1 - Heart, Don't Fail Me Now

Plot: On a mission gone wrong, Anakin loses his memories, crashing on a planet in Wild Space. The first familiar face he finds is someone who looks like Palpatine but is obviously someone else. The more time passes, the more Anakin begins to wonder if this is one of Palpatine's long lost siblings believed dead. Meanwhile, Ahsoka, still struggling with Anakin's loss, runs into someone else who looks identical to Palpatine.

Author's Note: Usually I finish drafting my fics before I start posting them but this one is still a work in progress so I can't promise that there's going to be weekly updates but I will try. :)

PS. This is for StefanyAntonietaEspa on Wattpad. :)

~ Tirana Sorki

Excited, childish voices filter in from the streets below. The noise is familiar by now, a part of the constant sounds of the village. Anakin – if that is really what his name is – turns to look out the small window in the attic he lives in. Children run through the streets below, the adults trying to collect them to go home so they can prepare for the festival that evening. Late afternoon sunlight is streaming in the window, as though highlighting the excitement of everyone below.

But maybe what stands out to Anakin the most is their families. They all have families. Parents, siblings, children – everything he doesn't have.

Or does he?

He looks away from the window, back to the attempted sketch he was drawing on the holopad in front of him, one of the few possessions he has.

The half-drawn figure of a girl with pointy head-tails stares back at him. The light marks on her cheeks are wrong. Something about them is supposed to be different, even if the harder Anakin tries to pull up the imagine into mind, the more the little details of it skitter away from him.

He knows this girl, even if all he remembers is her orange skin and her childish laugh and the totally contrary heavy weighted pain and misery in her blue eyes. She wore red. She was obsessed with it. Merely thinking of her always ignites an overwhelming aching longing of something long gone. And a deep feeling of protectiveness that he doesn't know what to do with.

The girl isn't the only one he remembers either.

Anakin flips to a different slide of the holopad. He's been trying to draw everything he remembers, no matter how fleeing it is, to record it so he can look it and try to remember.

And because he's terrified that one morning he's going to wake up and not even remember the little he does anymore.

Everyone has parents and Anakin thinks he remembers his. Maybe. That devoted affection, the desire to make them proud, and to – to be protected.

The man... is a bit detailed. He thinks that he remembers him the best though he could swear something about the details of his hair are wrong. Something tells him he'd be cranky if he saw how inaccurate those details are. He remembers the sound of his voice, his accent, somehow the clearest of all.

The woman on the holopad in front of him has dark hair but he can't remember enough of her face to draw any of it.

Can't remember a name for any of them.

But if these are his parents, he doesn't know why he never remembers them being together, why it's always a separate thing, a – like he never knew them at the same time. Not like he would know, though. He doesn't remember a thing.

There are other people he remembers too. A man with white hair. He's important, someone Anakin knows he looks up to. He remembers the steady feel of his hand on his shoulder and part of him wonders if that's his grandfather but that doesn't seem quite right.

There are memories of someone who's face he can't fully remember but he thinks the person – who looked about the same age as him – had blonde hair. His face is too different to have been his brother. Maybe. He remembers other people around the person who looked the same as him. And something about the colors blue and white. Those colors are important. For some reason.

And the last is... a woman with dark hair. She's wearing something different every time an image of her forms in his head so he's only half sure she's real or ever was. Part of him thinks she's something out of a dream entirely, a dream for a future, for – something he's never going to have. Not even before.

He doesn't even know if – if half of this is concocted in his own head. Born out of a desperate desire to actually know his family, to pretend that he actually had one once. It's been his constant, ceaseless desire from the moment he crashed on this planet.

Somehow, it feels like something that's always haunted him. A desperate desire to belong, all the while knowing that no matter how nice the people here are to him, they aren't his family. He doesn't belong here. He can't. But he doesn't know where he does belong.

The last he recalls is flying somewhere in a ship, streaking through the stars the way he often dreams of and then something exploding and then crashing and then – nothing really, except that he woke up here on this planet with no recollection of where he came from or who he is or anything at all except that his name is Anakin.

At least he thinks it's his name. Vaguely, from whispers in his mind.

He came from somewhere but even if he could get a ship to get off this planet, where would he go? There's an entire galaxy out there, a galaxy at war – whenever he remembers the war, it feels like he should be doing something about it but what he would do about that, he doesn't know – and he doesn't know where he would start looking.

But a home, a family, there must have been a time he had that too, right?

Right?

He doesn't know.

Anakin scrolls to the next file on his holopad, to see that it's a sketch of ship schematics, another design that he's been working on. The one thing he knows is how much he knows about ships. He works as a mechanic here now, fixing them and working on designs for others in his spare time.

But there's not time to get lost in the details of that right now. He pushes himself to his feet, throwing a brief glance around the small attic space that's become his home in the months that he's been here. It's tiny, only one room, and the only light comes through the small window but he doesn't need more space than this to himself. Somehow, that he's pretty sure has always been true. But now, he needs to get ready for the festival.

**w**

The sky is rapidly darkening by the time Anakin makes it to the festivities. Brightly colored lights have been set up around the plaza where the celebration is happening, illuminating it. The two moons shine brightly overhead, though there's too much light here to see all the countless stars that dot the sky. Watching the stars at night, wondering and longing is something he spends so much time doing.

The air is fresh and it smells of the sea. A breeze must be blowing in front of the coastline, which is near the outskirts of the town.

It's strange how Anakin can always feel the way the emotions of the people around him flux. He senses their shifts in moods, their excitement. He can feel their life. He can even feel the peaceful softness of the plants that surround them. And he can feel the way the life quiets as it drops off into the ocean, where the life he senses is far more scattered. Water has a feel entirely of its own, something raging and loud and cold and yet gentle and calming at the same time. He has no idea why the sensation he gets of his... father? is something so similar to that.

Being able to feel so much is something he tried to describe to one of the other locals he was friendly with, but they had no idea what he meant. It's as though he's the only one who can do it and he doesn't understand why.

He's drawn out of his thoughts when fireworks go off in the dark sky above, brilliant flashes of red and blue and gold.

Anakin's breath catches in his throat, his chest tightening and for a moment, it feels as though he's standing somewhere else – it's surrounded by people too even if many look different and there are trees all around also, fireworks going off overhead and there's someone standing inside a ray shielded platform giving a speech and –

Why does he see that very same man, the man from so many of his fleeting memories, standing only meters away in the crowd right in front of him?

That's –

Is that...?

His heart rate picks up and the fireworks and the people's celebrations fade to the back of his mind. He pushes his way through the crowd, approaching the white-haired man.

He knows him.

He knows him, and for the first time, a name actually comes to him. And with the name, comes a rush of memories.

He's not thinking when he wraps his arms around the man, excitement hammering in his chest Did he just finally find someone he remembers, for the first time?

The man goes completely rigid beneath his grip, then steps back, pushing him off. "What are you doing?" he demands, "Who are you?" He sounds the same. Exactly the same as Anakin's memories.

But – why - ?

"Chancellor?" Anakin asks, uncertainly. It's Palpatine. He knows it. He can – he can remember that much at least. And he's missed him so, so much. So why...? His clothes look strangely different, more like the village dress here but he doesn't think much of it. "I – I can't believe you're here."

"I don't know who you are. You've confused me with someone else," the man replies, a little curtly.

But that – that doesn't make sense.

He even feels similar. Anakin always gets a sensation when he sees people he knows and he has that now so he doesn't understand it.

His heart is still hammering but now it's from confusion and a growing fear. Does Palpatine not remember him? That doesn't seem right but – "We've been friends since I was a child," Anakin protests, "I don't – "

"I've spent my entire life in this town," the man interrupts, "I've never met you before."

But...

He doesn't understand.

He looks exactly the same but maybe – Maybe he's not remembering something right. That does little to stop the overwhelming rush of disappointment that floods him full force. He thought – he thought he'd finally found someone, at least some connection to his past, his family. He doesn't understand what's happening.

"Sorry," he mutters awkwardly, taking a step back, unsure what to do. The longing in his heart as he looks at the identical copy of the person in his memories is overwhelming, "I did not mean to be – impulsive. I do not... remember where I came from but you look identical to someone of my past life. I was not thinking."

The man crosses his arms, looking at him oddly.

Anakin shifts back a few paces, trying to turn his attention back to the fireworks but all he can think about when he's looking at them is whatever he's remembering. It was a Festival too – the Festival of Light. And he was there to keep Palpatine safe from... something. The Togruta girl was there with him and – and that is basically where his memories of it go blank but he remembers that and he can't stop looking at the man who's paces away in the crowd. He doesn't understand what's happening. Why does he look so similar?

The lump in his throat is steadily growing and it's growing increasingly hard to contain it. All he wants is to – to go home but how can he go there if he doesn't even know where it is? Does his family miss him? Or have they forgotten him the same way he's forgotten them?

For once, the reflection of the joy of those around him does nothing to quell the gutting pain inside of him as he finally slinks back through the crowd, to a short distance away from the rest of them when the tears come.

The village might be a nice place but it's not his home and he doesn't know if he's ever going to find it again.

**w**

"How's it looking?" Rex's voice crackles through the comm link.

Ahsoka leans forward, chin resting against the palm of her hand as she stares at the small hologram of Rex in front of her. It lights up the darkened room inside the Republic shuttle she's in. "It's still quiet but something's not right."

She doesn't know, though. Her senses aren't quite that attuned yet.

Anakin would know.

The gutting emptiness that floods her the moment she even thinks his name is overwhelming, overpowering. More than she knows how to handle. Not that there's truly been a moment she's been able to stop thinking about him since he was lost months ago. There's never a moment the absence of the blinding bright Force presence isn't obvious, like a burning sun she once orbited around was ripped away entirely, leaving her lost in space.

"If you need me, I can be there in one rotation, Commander," Rex replies. He's always been protective, but it's been different since Anakin was lost. Far more extreme. She can entirely relate – she feels the same about him. It used to be them and Anakin, Anakin who always took care of them both, who taught her everything she's known to somehow pull through and survive in the time he's been gone, and she never realized how much everything around her and everything she did revolved around him until he's gone.

"I'll have it handled," Ahsoka assures, "See you in a few rotations." She flicks off the hologram at the sound of someone approaching. It's probably something important.

Sometimes, she really wishes she didn't have to just pick herself up and keep moving, no matter what's happening. How Anakin always did it, she has no idea.

Anakin who isn't even here and –

Her hand clenches into a fist and she slams into the table as a wild surge of frustration and cutting grief flood her. It feels satisfying to hit something but it doesn't do much to help. It's also very un-Jedi-like and that's only making her more frustrated because she's supposed to know how to handle grief but she doesn't. She can't just let Anakin go. And nor does she want to, even if she knows what she ought to do and she can't –

Ugh.

The door opens, Senator Amidala appears in the doorway.

Her hand drops back to her side, instantly. "Need something?" Ahsoka asks. She's supposed to be out there protecting her, not brooding in here. At least protecting her makes more sense than the constant war missions she'd spent her entire padawanship doing.

Anakin might have... forced her to learn how to fight and she didn't much appreciate it at the time but at least he was always there. Her new master – Obi-Wan – is not. But she didn't want a new master and she doesn't think Obi-Wan wanted a new padawan anymore than she wanted the Council to act as though Anakin never existed, as though he could somehow be dead just because he hasn't come back yet.

Anakin's "I won't always be there to look out for you," is ringing in her mind again and only drives the constant ceaseless ache in her heart deeper. She can hardly hear that part of that recording that he made her without it bringing her nearly to tears.

"No," Padme replies, interrupting her spiraling thoughts, "The peace talks are temporarily paused, until we get answers from the Chancellor about several matters."

"That's good," she says, nodding distractedly.

"Ahsoka," the Senator interrupts, "Are you... alright?"

She huffs out a breath. "Isn't it obvious?" She doesn't mean to be rude but she's tired of how everyone around her – except the clones – are acting like she's supposed to just accept this and move on like nothing is wrong.

"It's not easy for any of us," she agrees sympathetically, a lingering grief in her eyes that makes Ahsoka wonder again if Anakin was closer with the Senator than she realized.

"I don't understand," Ahsoka bursts out finally, "I wanted to keep looking for him and so did Master Obi-Wan but the Council told us we had to stop and that he would have– come back already if he were – were still – " She cuts off, nearly choking on the word. She refuses to accept that possibly, no matter what. She would know if that was true. Their bond never broke. He's still out there, muted, quiet, too shielded for her to reach but she knows he's still alive. "But I know that's not true and he could be other captured by the Separatists or – or something and waiting for us to come for him but we aren't even allowed to keep looking for him anymore!" She wants to throw something again. Not that it'll do anything to help.

"I know," Senator Amidala replies, gaze weighted, "I wish there was something else we could do."

She's so tired of this, of – everything.

She's never wanted to fight but it's worse now when Anakin is gone. She's so used to – to feeling his overwhelmingly bright Force presence at her side, so overwhelming with intensity yet soft and gentle. She can never forget his laughter or his comforting hand on her shoulder and now he's gone and Force knows what's even happening to him. If he was captured by the Separatists, he'd have escaped by now if he were capable and that means... anything could be happening to him and they're just letting it happen. There's been wild moments where she's thought about leaving the Order, the war, all of it just to go look for him. It might hurt Rex, but he would understand if it was for Anakin. But the truth is, she doesn't have any leads or anywhere to start.

Something's not right.

The Force is humming with warning, and through her spiraling brooding she didn't notice it until right now. Something's coming –

Ahsoka looks around sharply, reaching for her lightsabers right before something explodes. The blinding flash rips right through the roof of the shuttle. Ahsoka flings out her hands, throwing Padme out of the way of the explosion before she tries to dive out of the way herself but pieces of durasteel are falling all around on her. Something lands on top of her. that the world is going dark at the edges suddenly and she can't move and she can feel blood trickling down her forehead, into her face. She can't move and she squeezes her eyes shut to avoid getting blood into them – voices are calling her name distantly as she fades out of consciousness.

**w**

The first thing Ahsoka becomes aware of is that everything aches. Her head is pounding and her arm is hurting. She slowly opens her eyes, looking around. She's lying on the ground outside somewhere, towering trees looming over her head. She can feel bandages around her forehead, the itchiness of them against her lekku though they're burning so much she can hardly decipher anything else. Injures to her lekku are always extremely painful but she's had injuries this bad before. Her arm is bandaged too, carefully put in a sling though it looks like it's already had bacta applied to it. It must be broken, from how much it's hurting and how it was treated.

Ahsoka twists her head, looking around. There's a number of clones unconscious nearby and so is Senator Amidala. All of them are injured, motionless.

Her fear spikes instantly. What happened? How long has she been out? She always hates the disorientingness of waking up from unconsciousness, though from how many times she was stunned in training, she's gotten used to the feeling. She found that so annoying at first, but she'd genuinely like to get stunned on repeat over and over again for days if it meant she'd wake up at least once to see Anakin at her side again.

Movement catches her attention suddenly, and turning, she realizes they aren't alone. There's a man crouched next to what looks like a small stock pile of medical equipment, set in the grass a short distance away.

He's dressed like a civilian and her first thought is that he's helping them. She knows there's civilians on Yavin IV, though they haven't interacted with any yet. There's nothing strange about the man being here to help them – what strikes her as strange is what he looks like.

He looks... What does he look just like the Chancellor?

If she didn't know it wasn't him, because he wouldn't be out here in civilian clothes, she would never guess. The parallel is downright creepy, though his Force presence feels a bit different. A bit softer and shier in a way she can't really explain but there is an uncanny similarity to it.

"Excuse me?" Ahsoka calls, trying to sit up, but a wave of dizziness washes over her when she tries to move.

The man starts slightly, turning to fully look at her. "I didn't realize you were awake," he says, standing up. His voice sounds eerily identical to Palpatine, though the way he speaks is a lot more gently, with far less authority than the Chancellor uses.

"Who are you?" Ahsoka inquires, dropping flat on her back in the grass. No use trying to move when she can't yet. "You look familiar."

"I've never seen you here before," the man replies, approaching though he's lingering back a few steps, almost as though uncomfortable, "You're a Jedi, aren't you?"

"Yeah," she confirms, wishing she could have this conversation when she's not lying on her back on the ground. "But who are you? And what... happened? How long have I been out?"

"I saw the explosions from the village and some of us came to help. It's been a couple hours. My... name is Biel."

Hmm.

That does make sense. She doesn't think there's anything about him she needs to be suspicious of.

"I'm Ahsoka Tano, Jedi padawan. Where is everyone else?" They came with a lot more clones than this, so she doesn't know why these are the only ones here. Unless –

Force, no. That can't be what happened. It can't be.

"These are the only survivors," Biel replies quietly, tone distinctly apologetic.

"The only ones?" she demands, voice rising. "What happened? And where are we? The droids – they were the ones who attacked us, weren't they?" That's a stupid, rhetorical question, actually.

"From what we saw, yes. The villagers got out the survivors before they could overrun everyone else."

She shouldn't even be surprised. "So much for having peace talks. I assume they've fallen apart again." Not that she expected any differently. The last time this happened, the peace talks had been ruined when Lux showed up – though that was all Dooku's fault. Of course something just had to go wrong this time too.

Biel doesn't reply, though he's obviously curiously listening to what she has to say.

"How's Senator Amidala?" she asks.

Biel blinks, as though confused. He probably doesn't know what she's even talking about.

Ahsoka gestures for Padme, who's still motionless on the ground. The man moves over to her side, crouching next to her. "It was just a concussion. I don't think the damage will be long-term."

That's good at least, but she needs an actual assessment of the situation. She can't believe they're the only ones left out here. "Where are the droids? Aren't they looking for us?"

Biel glances off, into the trees. "They may be, but they shouldn't be able to find you out here."

That's not at all reassuring. This is a situation she's perfectly capable of handling but she wishes Anakin was here. She'll never stop wishing he was here at her side, that she didn't have to keep doing this all alone but constantly wishing isn't going to bring him back any more than the last times she's wished that. He's gone and – and –

She doesn't know what to do anymore. The wave of grief that rushes up is familiar and it makes her head hurt even more. No, she doesn't have time to get lost in those thoughts but she doesn't know how to keep pushing it back, to keep on moving. She wants to just lay here and do nothing, actually, even when she needs to be making sure they get out of this alive.

What's wrong with her?

She can't just – Ughhhh.

She's so tired. She just wants Anakin back. Why does that have to be so hard?

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