Chapter 12 - I'll Be Safe And Wanted

The world fades back in slowly around Anakin. Everything is aching. And he's – not on the ground. He's suspended midair and he can't move and –

He jolts back to himself, heart pounding as he looks around the room. He's trapped in an energy field. Hardly the first time, he's been captured from what he remembers, but it's never been by Palpatine.

Palpatine who hurt him.

Who – is also a Sith and Anakin's been captured by a Sith before but never one who was supposed to be his family.

He can hear voices filtering in from the room across the hall. Engel and Biel are in the cell opposite him.

Force.

Why does Palpatine have a place like this?

Sidious is standing in the hallway between them. He's not dressed as Engel anymore. He's in a dark robe now, a hood pulled over his head. He looks every bit the Sith he is and it drives the betrayal further.

It didn't feel truly real until this moment. The phantom sensation of when he choked him is still lingering on his throat. He can't stop remembering the pain of the lightning either.

This is the real nightmare and he doesn't know what to do about it. No one in his family has ever hurt him before. Not like this. Not so –

Force.

Sidious catches his gaze and Anakin flinches. Didn't mean to alert him that he was awake. The Sith crosses the hall, entering the cell. His heart is pounding in his throat now. He has no idea what's about to happen now, what he wants. Or why he's holding him prisoner here. As a Sith he could've killed him without hesitation, so why – What does he want?

Anakin tries to move but he's trapped and the sheer helplessness is flooding him, rapidly turning to fear. The Sith already hurt him. This is Palpatine and he –

"Anakin," Sidious says neutrally, studying him.

"Why?" he rasps. His throat feels dry and aching. Everything is aching. "How could you do this?"

"I will bring order to the galaxy, the way you have always wanted," he replies smoothly, "That's what you have always wanted a part of, is it not?"

How could that really be –

"But you're a Sith. Aren't you behind the war?"

"The war would have occurred regardless. I merely manipulated it. Without that, it would have been far worse."

Maybe that's true. Maybe. Doesn't change how many Sidious has hurt. He wants to cry. "But you – you're – " He can't think enough to find words. "Why bring me here?" Anakin demands finally, "What do you want?" If everything he was doing was truly this benign, why did he kidnap his brothers? Why did he hurt him? The ache in his body is a far too present reminder of it.

"Engel was trying to turn you against me," he replies evenly, "I brought you here to speak to you in person."

"Don't listen to him, Anakin!" he hears Engel yell from across the hall.

He can feel Sidious' anger flare and he winces.

"You know he's just using you," Engel goes on.

"Quiet," Sidious warns, lowly.

"But it's true, isn't it?" Anakin objects, throat tight with emotion. Palpatine hurt him with no restraint, "Was what we had – ever about me or – about power? You – you want me as your apprentice, don't you?"

Sidious steps closer, standing right in front of him. He reaches out slowly and Anakin tries to twist away but he can't. He stifles the strangled sound that wants to escape him when Sidious reaches for him, touching his cheek.

It's weirdly gentle but it screams of possessiveness in a way that makes his skin crawl. Maybe it's just that he can't pull away. "You are mine, Anakin," he murmurs, "I have seen your power and I want you to reach your full potential."

It really was about power, wasn't it? Maybe he does care but it's so twisted, Anakin doesn't even know how true it really is. "I'm not becoming a Sith," he grits out.

Sidious' hand drops to his shoulder, yellow eyes boring into him. "You're weak," he tells him viciously, "But I will teach you strength. You have always wanted a life more than that of an ordinary Jedi, a life of significance, of conscience."

"Not this," Anakin protests, "I just want... my family."

Sidious scoffs. He still doesn't pull away, though. His fingers trail down Anakin's arm, screaming of mine. He can feel the quiet whisper in the Force. "The one thing the Jedi will never let you have. And most of your so-called family are Jedi. They are what make you weak."

Is power really all he sees now?

There's a desperate part of him that doesn't want to believe it's all because if it was then he would have killed his brothers and Anakin by now, right? But –

"They're all I have. That's why I still care about you," he retaliates, emotion chocking him. Because if Sidious weren't his family, Anakin would be trying to stop him without any hesitation. He wouldn't have slipped up in the first place.

It was a mistake he shouldn't have made. He knows that. No matter what Sidious may have done for him, he's hurt so many and Anakin has to stop that, at least.

Something in Sidious' gaze sharpens. "When has Kenobi ever put you before the Council? When have any of the Jedi? I am the only one who stood with you when you needed it, all those years. You know the Jedi's plot. Don't make the mistake of standing with them."

"I don't know any of this," Anakin grits out, "All I know is that you – you betrayed the Republic. I don't know what the Council wants but I... know that." He has no idea if Palpatine is right that they want control of the Republic. If they really do, then he can't let them do that. He can't. He just can't quite imagine it. But...

"You would betray me?" Sidious asks, far too softly.

It's a loaded question and anything he says is going to be the wrong answer.

"I – I don't know what the truth is." His heart is pounding, making it hard to breathe.

"Then perhaps you will understand when you see what the Jedi truly want." He turns away, moving for the door.

Anakin has no idea what he's about to do but he has to get out of here. Now. And he doesn't doubt that Sidious isn't going to let him out. Not until it's too late.

**w**

Ahsoka doesn't know what's wrong, but she knows something is. She doesn't have time to focus on it while she's in class, but then she gets a sudden comm from Anakin.

It's not even something she can make sense of. The voices are muffled but everything she does hear is enough to know what's happening.

It's –

Anakin is fighting the Sith?!

She scrambles to track the location of the comm before it turns off. It's from somewhere in the Works?!

Why didn't he tell her anything about this?

She goes straight to the Council, only to hear that they're not even here.

Seriously.

There is not time for this right now. Finally, she just settles for calling Windu. He answers her call right away, listening as she explains the situation.

"We are at his office now," Windu replies, "Palpatine's disappearance is unexplained."

Because apparently, the Sith is the Chancellor?! She has no idea how that's possible. How – what.

"Stay where you are, padawan," Windu tells her, "We will go there to apprehend him."

As if she's going to do that when Anakin's life is on the line? She runs for the hanger anyway the moment the call is ended. She already lost Anakin once. She's not going to let something happen to him again. She can't.

The flight to the Works takes far too long. By the time she gets there, something is burning. There's a column of smoke rising from the building and the Jedi speeders are parked around the building, surrounding it.

Well.

Clearly the battle is already underway.

Ahsoka jumps out of the speeder, running into the building.

The hanger is burning, and she darts past the fires to the far end where lightsabers are clashing. She inhales sharply at the sight of several dead Jedi masters lying on the floor of the hanger. What – What happened? How could the Sith have fought off so many?

Windu and Sidious himself are dueling at the far end, red lightsaber clashing against purple. It's a stand-off; neither of them seem to be gaining more ground than the other but the fact that Sidious is able to hold off against Windu at all is... terrifying. She's never been so glad she came.

Anakin's nowhere to be seen. There's a door on the far side so he must be behind it. She sprints across the hanger, dodging around the fight, though the two are so focused on each other she doesn't think they more than glance at her.

She shoves the door open, darting into the dark hallway behind it.

She can sense Anakin close by even if she doesn't know where he is. She tries to follow what she's sensing and with the help of her montrals, she tracks him down another hall to a cell.

Anakin's stuck in an energy field in a prison cell

And Biel and Engel are opposite him.

She's never been quite this angry in her life. Palpatine was Anakin's friend and he betrayed him. She darts into Anakin's cell first, going to deactivate the device holding him.

He falls and she scrambles to catch him. Anakin leans against her heavily, breathing hard. "Are you okay?" Ahsoka demands, heart pounding. He's clearly not or he wouldn't be standing so unsteadily.

"I will be," he replies but his eyes are so full of pain.

And... fear.

His answer is basically a no, like she expected.

"What's happening?"

"Sidious is fighting Windu. Come on," she urges, pulling him out into the hall.

They go to get Engel and Biel next,

"Anakin," Engel breathes, hands landing on Anakin's shoulders the moment he's free.

They share a look she doesn't know the meaning of but doesn't think she wants to. Something happened to them while they were trapped here, after all.

They'll have time to talk later. Right now, they need to move.

Biel and Engel stay in the back as they move forward.

Windu is knocking Sidious to the ground right as they step out there. He levels his purple blade only inches from the Sith's neck.

Biel inhales sharply.

Anakin freezes.

Engel's expression is too tight for Ahsoka to understand the meaning of.

"You are under arrest, my lord," Windu spits.

"Anakin," Sidious calls, "I told you it would come to this. The Jedi are taking over."

Taking over?

By stopping him from imprisoning Anakin and his own brothers, not to mention everything else he's done? Sure.

"I'm going to end this once and for all," Windu hisses, raising his lightsaber.

He –

What?

Sidious is a Sith and Ahsoka has no doubt that he's dangerous no matter what state he's in, but what –

"No!" Biel yells, jolting forward.

"You can't!" Anakin protests, eyes widening, "That's not the Jedi way."

"He's too dangerous to be left alive," Windu retaliates.

"You can't kill him without a trial," Engel interrupts. He actually looks upset now and sick.

Ahsoka idly notes that he's holding a blaster.

They did pass some kind of training room on the way back out here. Is that where he picked it up from?

"He has control of the Senate and the courts."

"That doesn't make what you're doing right!" Biel retaliates, moving across the room.

Ahsoka has no idea what he's about to do, but she doesn't doubt that he'll throw himself in the way of his brother if Windu tries to go through with hurting him.

Anakin looks sick.

Engel lifts his blaster, flicking it to stun and firing.

For a half a second she thinks he's shooting at Windu but the blast hits Sidious instead and he drops motionless.

Well.

That was easier than she thought it would be.

"Him being a Sith doesn't give you the right to treat him any differently than you would any other criminal," Engel says icily, almost glaring at Windu. "Now let's get him to the speeder."

Biel and Anakin seem to breathe out a sigh of relief.

They don't have the chance to talk until they get back to the Temple. Windu was there the whole time and Anakin stayed near Sidious – Ahsoka can't entirely tell if it's to make sure he doesn't escape or ensure Windu won't hurt him.

Maybe both.

"Can't believe we have him now," she comments. This is the person who caused so much damage and who hurt Anakin and that's something she's never going to forget. At least they finally have him. She doesn't know that it's so clear cut for the others, though, not by looking at them.

"I know," Anakin agrees quietly.

Ahsoka reaches out, patting his arm.

"I know he was your friend," she says, "I... can't believe he'd do this either." She always respected Palpatine, after all. Mostly because she knew Anakin looked up to him so much.

"Me either," he replies quietly.

"I can't believe Windu was about to – to do that," Biel says. He looks devastated and angry.

"I can't either," Engel admits, though he's not really looking at him.

"Are you all okay?" Ahsoka asks, biting her lip. "What did Sidious want with you?"

"He was angry I told the Jedi," Engel replies.

"How did he know it was you?" Anakin asks.

"I don't know. But with what he is, I... suppose I wouldn't be surprised if he has some way of keeping an eye on us."

Biel sighs quietly, saying nothing.

"He wanted me to join him," Anakin comments after a long pause. "He wasn't happy when I refused."

Ahsoka huffs. "I can't believe he actually thought that would work."

She can't help remembering what he was saying about the Jedi taking over. That – it's not what Anakin told he feared it was but it was still close. She does know what Windu was about to do wasn't right even if she wouldn't have cared much if he had. It's just... Anakin wasn't all wrong about that.

She doesn't think he's up to talking about it right now, but... there's not much to say anyway.

**w**

Danger screams through the Force and Sheev whips around, activating his lightsaber barely in time to block Plaguies' blow.

Another surprise attack.

"The enemy will not warn you before they attack," he's told him over and over.

Trying to keep up with his blows when he was so off-guard is still hard, though. He's still training, not nearly enough to be ready to fight him off at this vigorous level. He lets the Dark Fuel him as always but his training is still far from complete.

The lightsaber slashes across his arm and he stumbles. Plaguies presses forward anyway with no restraint.

His pain and anger make him stronger. He knows that. But – It's still not enough for his master.

Plaguies sends his lightsaber flying, knocking him to the ground and swinging for him. He tries to call his blade back to him but it doesn't come fast enough.

The Sith's blade hits him in the shoulder, burning through skin deeper and deeper.

He gasps, vision whiting out from pain.

His lightsaber – activating mid-flight – smacks into Plaguies lightsaber but it's not nearly enough force to make him move and it's burning too much and -

He can smell burning flesh. Can't move or – or do anything but scream.

He did lose.

Asked for this.

But it hurts.

Doesn't know how many seconds it lasts before his master flicks his lightsaber off.

"Pathetic," he informs him.

The most he can manage is a strangled gasping, groan.

For a moment, his vision feels like it whites out from the pain and he thinks it's Cosinga standing over him even though he just killed him weeks ago.

Reminds him of the time that –

He'd shoved him down those stairs and his arm had broken. And he'd forced him to lie to the hospital that he'd fallen on his own.

But this is worse than that. Much worse. No idea how deep that burn is or –

Feels like it's got to at least almost all the way through his shoulder but he has no idea.

Plaguies kneels next to him, lifting a hand over the wound. Sidious can feel the way the Force is flexing around him as Plaguies is the Force to influence the midichlorias to grow over the wound and heal it.

He's not doing it to help.

He's doing it so he can study midichlorians himself. The look of fascination on his face is enough to prove that.

Sheev – or no, because his name is Sidious now – didn't know the pain could get any worse but it is. Every second that it's healing, the burn is spreading and getting worse and worse with each passing second. Something to do with the unnaturalness of the healing.

Should be grateful it's being healed at all but it's agonizing and all he can do is struggle not to scream.

Not to do anything to indicate that he's not good enough or strong enough to be a Sith. He has to be worthy of it. It's the only thing he has now.

"The Dark Side will give you strength. You will never have to give in to anyone's will again," Plaguies had promised him, right before Sidious had kneeled to him for the first time, pledging himself to the ways of the Sith.

So much for that.

Sidious awakens with a start, moving to sit up but the binders on his wrists jerk his arms, keeping him from moving them far.

The red tint of the ray shield brings him abruptly back to present in the prison cell he's now trapped in.

A prison below the Jedi Temple. Because in the end, he did fail and Plaugies was still wrong.

Or no, it wasn't that he was fully wrong, was it?

It's that he let himself be distracted and now Anakin has turned on him, just as he feared. Perhaps that was in part because he was being irrational at the end. He should have proceeded with his other plans instead of reacting to his brothers, but it is too late for regrets now.

He can't just undo this anymore than he can undo that he hadn't intended to kill his siblings in the ship crash. It had just happened and –

Plaguies told him it was a good thing because it meant all his connections were severed and he could start fresh.

And then Biel and Engel came back.

If not for Engel, this wouldn't have happened. He would still have Anakin with him, finally as his apprentice.

If they hadn't come back or if he had just dealt with them from the start, everything would have been fine.

But Biel...

He can't quite imagine not having spent all the time with him that he has. But that's weak and he's well aware of that.

He doesn't quite know what to think of how Engel stood up for him at the end. That was – unexpected, but it means little. He still wanted him arrested.

But Anakin still betrayed him, even if it was partly Engel's fault, and his anger is simmering. He is a danger now.

But –

He knows well the boy is easy to manipulate. There's still a chance he could get through to him – if he could get out. But his name to the galaxy has likely already been ruined. There has to be something else he can try, though. He only needs to think of it.

Before it's too late again.

He already lost Anakin once. He has not forgotten all those months when he thought the boy was never coming back. He should not have missed him as much as he did, when he had to figure out how to work without him, but he... had. He doesn't want to accept again that there may be no way of getting Anakin back this time. Last time was – No, he will not repeat that. He will find a way, even if he has to do it by force.

He has to find a way out. He will not remain in another's power again. Not again.

Being trapped here reminds him a little too much of being trapped in Plaguies' lab, those times he was studying him.

He lets that fuel the Dark Side, the way he always has.

He's good at being patient. It's the only reason he's made it this far. So that's what he'll do again.

**w**

Anakin goes to talk to Engel and Biel privately as soon as things settle down enough that he has the time.

He can't stop remembering how Windu was about to kill Sidious, either. And it's not just about how Palpatine was his family. That's against the Jedi way. It was the very same thing Sidious told him to do to Dooku and he refused because he knew it wasn't right but the head of the Order was about to do the same thing anyway without any hesitation.

He can feel how upset both Engel and Beil seem, too though Biel is far more.

"When did you find out about this?" Anakin asks. He's not ready to think about it but he needs to. Even if everything is such a mess he doesn't know what to think anymore. Or what to do. The law is supposed to deal with Sidious now but he can already guess how that's going to end.

Maybe.

Doesn't want to think that far ahead yet.

"I guessed not long after I met him," Biel admits quietly, "I felt how much he was hurting all the time, how afraid and desperate he is all the time. I sensed so much darkness and anger constantly. I didn't know what else it could mean."

He's known for that long? And never said anything? Anakin can understand that in theory, but it's just...

"What's he afraid of?" Anakin asks tentatively.

"He thinks power is the only thing that will... let him feel safe," Biel says, sighing, "What he's always needed is an actual family – but he's never had... good experience with one, I would say. And I think most of all, he's afraid of losing us. He thinks the only way he won't is if he has... all the power."

"But... Why would he be so afraid of that?" He knows Palpatine is apparently sensitive to favoritism, but this just seems – extreme. Insane, almost.

"I don't remember much of it anymore," Engel admits, "I think now that might be because I don't really want to remember it."

Anakin frowns. "What?"

"Our parents were... abusive," Biel says after a pause. "I don't remember it much now but I know our father hit us all the time for everything and nothing... just depending on his mood. And yelled at us all the time. Our mother always supported him no matter what he did. She pretty much ignored us and let the servants deal with taking care of us. "

Anakin swallows past the knot of horror inside of him. "I – I had no idea." It sounds so lame. But he can't even imagine that. All his memories of Mom are positive. She would do anything for him. She was always so gentle. He always thought that's what parents were supposed to be like.

Obi-Wan's yelled at him plenty and it always hurt, but he would never hit him.

"And Sheev said it got worse after Engel and I were lost. The first thing he said to me was that he was certain I was much happier growing up away," Biel goes on, clearly miserable.

"I can't say he's wrong," Engel mutters. "I mean, I wish I could have been with my siblings, but when I actually think about what it was like, the only real parent I had is the woman who adopted me later."

Anakin swallows hard. "I can't imagine that," he says quietly, "But... why do you and him fight so much?" That's what he really doesn't understand.

Engel shifts, expression tightening. "Getting any attention when we were little that wasn't negative was pretty much impossible. I'd say we always fought over it. Biel was too quiet to really try for that, but I'm sure it bothered him too."

Biel looks away. "What I cared about most was being with both of you. And then I lost that too."

"I couldn't say who's fault it more was," Engel says, sighing, "But it... doesn't change what he's done now. He's still dangerous, Anakin. You know what he's done."

"Yeah," he agrees numbly.

It's not as clear cut as that though. He had no idea Palpatine's past was so dark. He doesn't even understand how he could have such a nice side to him, given all that. Palpatine's advice is what helped him raise Ahsoka. He's the reason Anakin stayed sane for all the years he was a Jedi. He doesn't understand how he could have become what he did. His life was so awful but – Anakin is so lost. "But what led him to becoming a Sith? Why is he doing any of what he did?" Anakin asks finally, helplessly.

"I don't know but I think he wanted to make things better, at first. And I expect wanted the power to defend himself," Biel says.

Anakin nods. It makes sense, really. He wanted to help but then the Dark Side destroyed him.

"I suppose this explains all the pain I felt when I was... in my late teens and twenties," Engel mutters.

Anakin freezes.

He remembers Engel mentioning that once before. He never realized it might have been because of something that was happening to Palpatine.

"Do you know what was happening?" he asks.

"I don't remember anything specific but it felt like very frequent injuries and sometimes – something like torture. I don't know," Engel replies.

"I don't know what to do," Biel speaks up, "I don't want to just give up on him."

Anakin doesn't either. Even if his duty as a Jedi says that – this matter is out of hands now. It really is.

"It's up to the courts now," Engel replies, which just feels a little too flippantly.

"Does it really not bother you?" Anakin demands. He doesn't really understand that even if he's so angry at Palpatine too. How many of his own boys died because of Palpatine's actions? That's not something he can ever forget.

He can't forget all the time she was there for him when no one else was, though.

Even if he still doesn't know how real it was. The phantom sensation pressing against his neck, the agony of the lightning running through him will never stop haunting him. Palpatine's willing to hurt him if he thinks he has to. And that – he doesn't know what to think of that.

He's a Sith. Of course he is.

But –

"I do care," Engel concedes, sighing, "But what matters the most to me is you, Anakin. I can't go back to the past, to... have the relationship with Sheev that I always wish I could have. I can only look at the future now and that's what you are, Anakin. I want you to be safe. And you aren't going to be so long as he's on the loose. And I don't know if I can believe that the brother I thought I had is in there anymore."

"I'm going to talk to him," Anakin says finally, with more determination than he feels. He's scared to but he can't just not. Even if he has no idea what he's going to say or how he'll face him.

Biel looks instantly hopeful. "Do you think there's any way I could?"

Anakin's already shaking his head before he finishes the question. "No. The Council would never allow any visitors, except by someone who's on the Council. I can guarantee that much." Which he can understand, even if it's not really fair to Biel.

This is also the first time ever that Anakin thinks he can at least minorly appreciate that he's on the Council. Even if he expects that position is going to change soon.

It's not like they need him there anymore. There's nothing for him to spy on anymore – nothing they need to use him for. He tries not to focus on his bitterness. At least he can understand why they were so suspicious of Palpatine now but it doesn't change that they were just using that friendship.

Biel nods, though he doesn't look very happy.

"Are you sure that's wise, Anakin?" Engel asks.

"He's in prison, Engel. He can't – hurt me." Even if the concern is still appreciated. That's part of why Anakin's so afraid to talk to him again. He can't forget that sheer feeling of helplessness, that rising fear that Palpatine was about to hurt him again when he was trapped and unable to move, even if he hadn't.

Biel winces, probably at the reminder. "I think if there's anyone who can get through to him, it's you, Anakin. I know he cares about you and I don't believe it's all about use even if it's been twisted. I think he's just afraid you're going to leave him. But if – if after what he already did to you, you don't want to talk to him anymore, that's... understandable."

He seemed afraid of that when Engel first came back too. That he is even more now makes sense.

"He's doing a good job making sure of that," Engel mutters bitterly.

Anakin winces.

He's not wrong.

But he doesn't know how to feel that so much of what Palpatine's done might just be out of fear. Fear of loss.

Something Anakin fears so much too now, but at least he knows his family will always care forhim, on some level. Palpatine does not. Even if he's not entirely innocent in that. It's just... this is such a mess and he doesn't know what to begin doing about it, especially when this time he can't go to Engel or Obi-Wan or Palpatine about what to do.

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