"Fore!" a drunken voice shouted as a golf ball whistled over my head.

I ducked behind a bush, to make sure the golfer' didn't spot me. Kelly pressed herself low against the dirt.

We waited, but a caddy didn't come, the golfer having moved on to some other location. We cautiously emerged from hiding.

Just me and Kelly on that cliff. I seriously considered running away. Of course, I still had that annoying shock collar on, and Eddie lurked behind us somewhere with the clicker.

Heffalump peered furtively at us from behind some oversized ferns. He nibbled leaves with a dash of dressing, disappearing from view.

I glanced around, anxious to not be overheard. "Say, you don't have any wire cutters, per chance?"

The look on Kelly's face said no.

"Scissors? Garden shears? Anything?"

Kelly only shrugged. "Sorry. I thought we were only gathering intel."

"So...let's go back to the trailer and look for some!"

She shook her head. "What, are you crazy? I didn't stow away on the boat just to hang out in a trailer all day! I want to see all this!"

I sighed in frustration. "...And you definitely aren't carrying like a Swiss army knife or anything.

"Nope. Sorry, Albert." She peered through a pair of binoculars the others left.

"What do you see?"

"They're sneaking over the electrified fence. Dad's having some trouble with it." She paused. "He made it."

Kelly crept down the hill, in the direction the others had gone.

I hurried after her. "Wait! Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna try to disable the fence so they can get out."

"Can't they just...jump back over?"

"Dad had a hard enough time getting over this time. He did this lame pole vaulting jump thing."

"You don't have any tools!"

"I spotted a tool box."

Downhill we traveled, careful to avoid the wandering glassy eyes of all the careless drunkards.

Not a great job at perimeter fencing, hence why my companions could get on some boulders and hop onto the roof of a vehicle to bypass the jolt. It did seem a bit inconvenient for a man with an injured leg.

Beyond the fence lay the poachers' impromptu parking lot, and, beyond that, several steel cages housing dinosaurs...including Parasaurolophus. Webby would be very upset.

Kelly located a Craftsman tool carrier someone had left out, opening a nearby junction box.

I leaned over her shoulder as she poked around with a screwdriver. "You...know what you're doing?"

She nodded. "I studied electronics."

"Oh...kay?" I pointed to the tin snips in her back pocket. "You mind if I borrow those scissory things for a minute so I can slip off this uncomfortable collar?"

Kelly pulled them out, making like she intended to cut a wire. "Sorry, Al. No time. Maybe later."

"How much time would it really take to snip a collar off?"

"There's only one pair of these, and I need them right now."

I sighed in frustration as I watched her not use the tin snips on the fuse and wire system. "How complicated is this? Couldn't you just snip a couple wires and be done?"

"If I do this wrong, I could get electrocuted, or set off an alarm and alert the whole camp."

Although most the camp engaged in drunken revelry, a few random guys hadn't yet partaken in the fun...or at least had greater tolerance to alcohol. A little fat nosed guy in a Hawaiian shirt just happened to be grabbing a beer from a cooler when Kelly snipped the wires. "Hey! What the hell are you doing!"

He stood not much taller than five feet, earrings sparkling from his little ears. The man angrily flared his jowls and clenched his fists when the fence went dark. "I don't know how you got here, but you're going to pay for that!" I don't think he saw me standing behind the trash barrels.

The brown man tried to slap an alarm button, but it didn't do anything. "You're gonna get it now, little girl!"

Unexpectedly, a gigantic man pushed me aside like a saloon door, grabbing Kelly by the wrist.

Scary guy. Bald headed, tan body built like a Samoan, with a huge black mustache. The khaki suit gave off serious drug dealer vibes.

The immense stranger grabbed Kelly's other wrist, snatched the tin snips out of her hand, and crushed the tool to pieces like a handful of soda crackers. So much for cutting my collar.

He grinned as he applied that same crushing grip to Kelly's wrist. The girl let out a cry of pain.

Not sure what happened to Eddie during all this. Maybe the big man put him in a sleeper hold?

"Hey!" I shouted, reaching for his shoulder. "Don't be abusing kids!"

The man answered with a rear kick as powerful as a horse, smashing me into the garbage cans.

When I got up, Hawaiian Shirt Guy flashed his silver teeth, whipping out a pistol. He fired at me.

"Stop!" the big man growled. Heavy Dracula type voice, like an announcer on that Spanish radio station I always listen to. Maybe it was the same guy? "Escalito, we don't shoot dinosaurs! Bag and tag only!"

Taking advantage of the distraction, I raised a two by four with both claws. "¡Oye, mira! ¡Un tiranosaurio!"

The big man turned his head. "Huh?"

I swung the board. It shattered spectacularly against the back of his skull, but his reaction...you would have thought I hit him with a paper towel tube.

A glittery sparkle of earrings drew my attention to the figure behind him. Goliath's buddy had retrieved a tranquilizer gun.

I picked up a golf ball, hurled it at the little guy's head.

All those idle moments practicing baseball throws in my cage really paid off. The guy fell backwards on the dirt, groaning and clutching his skull.

Noticing how I'd just clobbered his friend, the big guy dropped Kelly, whirled around and snarled at me with his hands outstretched.

I attempted some karate moves, but I might as well have kicked and punched a tree.

Okay, okay, I do have disemboweling toe claws, but I can't just kill a human in cold blood!

I jumped and rabbit punched him in the face, but he didn't react...well, except to grab me around the neck like a rascally alligator.

My attacker's silver cross necklace dangled in my face. "Dude, nice jewelry! Are you a Christian?...¿Eres Cristiano?"

He nodded. "Soy Catolico."

I gave an approving nod. "Cool."

Kelly detached some sparking wires from the junction box. I pretended not to notice. "Hey, in the spirit of Christian goodwill, do you think maybe you could let me and my dinosaur friends free and leave the island?" When he didn't answer, I opened my mouth to repeat the question in Spanish.

The big man laughed. "Sorry, dinosaurito. I need money for mí familia." He gave a shrug like What can you do?'

"That's kinda what I thought. That's why we're sabotaging your camp."

Baldy narrowed his eyes like that sumo wrestler guy from James Bond as he put me in a choke hold.

...All the way til Kelly touched the cables to the sides of his neck, and he went night-night.

Don't know if you know anything about how electricity works, but I kinda went down with him. He was very conductive.

Fortunately, when we both stirred from the blackouts and little dancing lights, and I freed myself from his clutches, Kelly jolted him again. We quickly rushed past the deactivated fence.

...After I'd kicked Escalito in the head a few times, of course. He was getting up.

We found our associates lurking behind the vehicles at the edge of camp, Nick crawling under a Jeep with his trusty bolt cutters.

I squatted beside him, watching with fascination. "Whatcha doing?"

Horrified by my toothy visage, Nick banged his head on the chasis.

Sarah yelped, but Ian stifled the noise by covering her mouth. "What happened to staying back with the kid?" he hissed at me.

Then, noting Kelly trailing behind me..."And you! I told you not to move! How is this not moving?"

Kelly shrugged. "I saw you trying to pole vault the fence, so I thought I'd help by shutting it off. You're welcome."

Sarah spat. "Ian, when's the last time you washed your hands?"

We all froze at the sound of a dinosaur crying.

"What was that?" Ian whispered.

I glanced back into the jungle. "Sounds like...a really teeny Tyrannosaurus. Some parents just let their brats scream." I leaned over the Jeep. "So what are you doing down there?"

"Cutting the fuel lines. Shhh!"

Soon Nick had gasoline pouring out of all the poachers' vehicles, save for the junky one that had gotten all beat up and bashed in a few hours ago. I bet they would have disabled that one too, if Escalito's friends hadn't been giving it a complete overhaul.

My associates moved on to the dinosaur cages. Nick stared at the collected prehistoric creatures, sizing them all up.

"Pssst! Weirdo!"

My eyes widened in shock. The poachers had captured my big Stegosaurus friend. "Spidey?"

"Get me out of this thing!"

Nick stepped in front of the bars, eagerly clicking his bolt cutters.

"I...think we're working on it."

"I demand you let me out of here!" a voice bellowed next to Orange Spider, large pointy horns ramming through the bars.

"Oh we've definitely got to free you!" Nick declared, pressing the bolt cutters to the lock.

I gave Orange Spider an apologetic smile. "We'll free you next."

"Albert, Kelly, go back to the trailer," Ian warned. "This is about to get ugly."

I crossed my arms, casting an expectant look at my caged friend. "Not without Spider."

"Don't worry. We'll get the Stegosaurus and the other guys. Just get out of the way."

The bolt fell from the cage, the Triceratops exploding out like a runaway train.

I and Kelly stepped back as Nick opened my friend's cage and a few others.

The moment Orange Spider popped out, I gave him a big hug...Well, a small big hug, hugging a Stegosaurus is like hugging a pickup truck. "Where's the rest of your family? Are they safe?"

"Got everyone away safe, except for Red Sunset."

I frowned at the baby slowly ambling out of another cage. "C'mon, buddy. Let's go."

Junior didn't seem hurried.

"Hurry up or we'll get captured again!" Spider growled.

In Westerns, guys always slap a horse on the hindquarters to get them to gallop away from them. Red Sunset didn't appreciate it so much when I tried it on him. He looked disgusted.

"Sorry. Just saw a guy do it on a western. It means hurry up."

Junior moved...a tad bit faster.

I glanced at Kelly, currently frozen in one spot watching the Triceratops smashing through a tent. It did make a lot of crispity-crunchity sounds. "We should go."

"And miss all this?"

I chuckled at the poachers running and screaming from the demolished structure. "I admit this is pretty entertaining, but wouldn't you prefer to escort a baby Stegosaurus out of camp?"

She glanced at Red Sunset and grinned. "Why didn't you—"

The rest got drowned out by more pounding, smashing and bashing sounds.

Agonizingly slow process, getting Junior to move. Spider kept having to lag back to keep him moving, at times biting the youngster's tail and dragging him.

"He should have named you Pokey.'"

Kelly nonverbally agreed, pointing to a golf cart looking thing. "You think that will hold her?"

A tough sell, getting Junior to go on the thing. Spider didn't look confident, and Junior said it didn't look sturdy enough. I tried explaining the concept of a skateboard to her, but didn't quite convince her.

I tore off the canopy, donned some ill fitting aviator goggles I found on the seat, and drove a couple donuts around her.

Wagging her tail with excitement and smiling, Junior jumped on the back...honestly it reminded me of Grape Ape and his tiny VW Bus. It did speed our progress, though Kelly looked very annoyed at having to speed-walk alongside us.

I grabbed a stein someone had set out on a crate, and an opened can of beer they'd thoughtfully left beside it, and with my feet pressed on the pedal, poured myself a drink.

C'mon, you know I had to try alcohol once! Nobody ever let me have any!

Something exploded. Fires broke out everywhere. Absolute chaos. Dinosaurs scampered wild among the crowds of panicking hunters, oftentimes with painful results.

Black smoke filled the evening air. Dinosaurs kicked up huge dust clouds. Ian, Nick and Sarah got separated in the crowd, Kelly staying with me only by grabbing hold of Junior's plates.

I guess the Triceratops took a tent through the fire pit, and, because Nick cut the fuel lines to the Jeeps, a lot of gasoline had been spread everywhere, and flames jumped up inside the fuel tanks. More explosions than the fourth of July (which, incidentally, I have never witnessed in its fullest, save for a small park based fireworks show from the window of my cell).

Afterwards, couldn't see anything on account of all the smoke, the dirt flying up on my goggles, the screaming hunters running to and fro around the golf cart.

A Jeep rolled past me (end over end, not on its tires).

Another strange sight: Cassie, mounted atop an adult Parasaurolophus, as the creature stomped through a crowd of fleeing poachers.

I wiped my goggles, and I swear a guy in a beaver sports mascot suit came running by with his giant head on fire. A massive thing, wrapped in a flaming green canvas tent, gored the suit with its horns, sending the guy sailing over a stack of cargo containers. Ammunition exploded everywhere.

A tire rolled past me.

I lifted the stein to my mouth, but only received a mouthful of dirt. I slung its contents off the side of the golf cart.

A guy had been smoking a few feet away. Upon receiving the splash of alcohol, his face spontaneously combusted. He screamed and ran around in circles, head aflame. It seemed it still retained a layer of beer underneath.

"Sorry!"

Had we gotten any nearer to the fences? Impossible to tell with the dark, all those smoke clouds and mobs of people.

I drove through a suitcoat on a clothesline. I could tell what kind of suitcoat when a pack of playing cards and a flock of pigeons came flying out. Red Sunset tried to say something to me about a rabbit, but she said this with a tophat over her face. She claimed she did find a rabbit, but I didn't see one when I looked back.

Ironically, someone's radio just happened to be playing Hocus Pocus by Focus.

Terribly exciting, finding a magician's coat. Still holding down the gas with my feet, I turned the coat around and stuck my arms through the sleeves. It ripped, converting it into sort of a vest, wherein I discovered a magic wand.

I tapped the magic wand to my collar, but instead of it freeing me, the wand only went limp like a noodle. I threw it away and grabbed the wheel.

Off to the side of me, Nick faced down Mustache Goliath, fists raised. He swung, hit the man in the face. No effect.

The big man responded with a casual punch that dropped Nick to the ground.

"Nick!" Ian picked up Nick's bolt cutters, swinging them at Mustache Goliath's head. The resulting clang made me wonder if we actually faced a robot.

The big man smiled and bent the weapon into the shape of a letter U, gently' bonking Ian in the head. Ian collapsed on the ground.

Sarah came running at him with a football tackle, but the guy just swatted her aside like a pesky fly. Now we had two people on the ground.

I tried driving around him, but Mustache Goliath just planted his big foot on the hood, and the golf cart merely spun its wheels and kicked up topsoil.

I gave Kelly a frantic wave, indicating she should run.

"Don't you need help?"

I glanced back and forth. "Fine. Look for someplace to hide. Get me a weapon or something."

She darted off behind a tent.

Throwing off my goggles, I climbed out of the seat, staring this Colossus down.

He cracked his knuckles, popped his neck.

Ever since I donned the magician's coat, I'd felt something suspiciously heavy in the left pocket. When I drew it out, my foe jumped back in alarm.

A handgun!

I edged my claw around the trigger. "I don't want to hurt anybody. Not even you. I hope, someday, we might even go to the same church! Let me and my friends out of here, and I won't use this."

The big guy kept making a face like he smelled a fart, glancing between my gun and my fancy suitcoat.

He gave me a slight smile and a twinkle of his eyes. The expression reminded me of Saint Nicholas puckering on a lemon.

He made a sumo wrestler stomp closer to me, then another.

My claw gripped the weapon tighter. "I'm sorry, Mister Oddjob. I warned you!"

He only scoffed and did a Superman pose.

I pulled the trigger and let him have it.

Bang.

That's what the flag said. Rolling my eyes, I tossed the gun away.

I guess my tophat must have given it away.

So...fighting this guy...basically like fighting a granite wall. The only solution I could think of: Distraction.

In Stegosaurus, I growled to Spider and Junior: "Quick! Get away from here while the getting's good!"

"What about you?" Spider asked.

"Don't worry about that. I'm a ninja."

"What's a ninja?"

I frowned. "We need to get you a TV. Just go, okay? I'll be fine!"

Spider shrugged, urging Red Sunset to move.

Mustached Oddjob, alarmed, stepped forward to grab Junior, but I shouted, "Hey! Oddjob!" jumping in his path.

The big man clenched his fists, bracing himself for one of my amazing Kung Fu moves. "My name is Sergio."

"Sorry. Sergio..." I brought out...another magic wand, pointing the thing in his face. "Stay where you are! I'm pretty sure this thing is loaded!"

He laughed until the wand actually made a gunshot-like cracking sound.

Not a bullet. It just made a puff of purple smoke, and flowers popped out. Sergio clapped appreciatively.

Groaning, I shook the flowers out. In its place...rainbow colored scarves.

I pulled out a few lengths, then, remembering someone doing a similar act on TV, gave it up, using the wand as a bullwhip.

Sergio just grabbed the scarves and yanked the wand out of my claws.

I made a flower on my lapel squirt water into his face. He just shook it off, turning his attention back to Spider and Red Sunset...

...Who, unfortunately, hadn't gotten that far.

Sergio stomped after them, but I again jumped in the man's path. "Hey, that suit looks amazing! Where'd you get it? Banana Republic?"

He actually seemed pleased by the...compliment.' "I had it specially made. It is difficult to find clothing my size."

I grinned. "I have the same exact problem. I mean, who makes dinosaur clothes? You think they can make me one?"

"They can make anything."

Red Sunset...still not moving that fast, and Sergio noticed she and Daddy escaping. "Let us discuss this later, dinosaurito."

To retain his attention, I performed Chu Chu Ua for him. "Puño cerrado, dedo hacia, culos atras..."

Sergio burst out laughing. "It's colas, dinosaurito. Stick your tail out."

I stared. "What did I say?"

"Culos atras. It means Stick out your ass.'"

"Hey, just because I'm a dinosaur doesn't mean I don't have an ass."

The man grinned. "That is true, but it is not polite."

"Oh. Thank you. You know, for a big scary tough guy, you're really—"

I didn't get to finish. A burning mass of green canvas, with horns, rammed into him, elephantine feet stomping his nice suit into the dirt. Flaming wooden dinosaur models shot out from the burning thing like magic missiles.

Kelly rolled up beside me in the golf cart, Junior in the back.

She brought out a tranquilizer gun, shot it point blank into Serge's culos. "Found a weapon."

"Thanks," I stammered. "But isn't that the type of dart that kills humans so fast they don't even feel it?"

Kelly shrugged. "I...uh...think this is just a regular dinosaur tranquilizer."

"Oh. He probably needs it." I leaned over Sergio's prone form, giving a friendly goodbye wave. "See you in church!"

Thanks to my massive Stegosaurus friend, we pushed our way through the screaming mob, all the way to the fence.

I thought we'd be free and clear, but at this point, Escalito had recovered, and now stood before Kelly with a tranquilizer gun. "Give me your gun and take the baby dinosaur back where you found it."

I considered attacking him, or maybe scaring him with my claws and pointy teeth, but I knew he'd only shoot me. I looked around for something to throw at him.

Kelly raised her own tranquilizer gun.

"Kid, I've been shooting small dinosaurs all day. I'm not going to miss."

"Neither am I. You should see the targets I've shot at summer camp."

Escalito flashed silver teeth. "Give it up, little girl. I've got more practice, and I'm quicker on the trigger than you are." His grip tightened on the weapon. "As you can see, my trigger finger is getting a little itchy."

"You wouldn't shoot me with that thing, would you, mister? It's meant for dinosaurs! You'll make my heart stop!"

He scoffed. "If you do what I say, I won't harm a hair on your pretty head. Put the gun down."

Ian stepped around me, pointing the fake pistol at the man. He'd pushed the bang flag back in, I guess. "It's two against one. Plus I've got this Velociraptor trained to kill on command."

I raised my claws, ferociously baring my fangs.

Ian cocked the hammer back. "Your weapon, please."

Escalito frowned at us for a solid minute, then threw Ian his rifle.

He ran away.

"Glad he didn't force me to use this thing," Ian muttered to me. "Nice theatrics, by the way. I thought he wouldn't buy it with that magician's getup, but somehow you pulled it off."

We made it outside the camp in an...okay...ish amount of time, moving Junior off into the jungle, where she couldn't easily be spotted and recaptured.

Sarah brought up the rear, with Nick, groggy and semi-conscious, leaning on her shoulder.

"Thank you for helping us," Spider said.

"Yeah, anything for a friend. Especially when I just happened to have some sabotage-ready friends conveniently hanging out with me. You got somewhere safe to hide?"

Spider told me of a remote place with food and water.

"Great! Sounds good to me!"

Ian stared at me. "Did you actually understand all those moans and grunts?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's called Stegosaurus."

"And this is a language?"

"Obviously."

"We've got a regular Doctor Dolittle here."

Perhaps thinking she could just make random dinosaur sounds and do what I did, Kelly attempted communication with Spider, but it came across as, "Hey, big boy! I have leaves, bouncy bouncy. Let's make eggs. I am not contagious."

I frowned. "Uh...Kelly...don't do that again. You're embarrassing me."

We froze at the sound of a loud, pitiful cry.

Ian cast me a worried look. "Albert, is that the baby T-Rex again?"

I scratched my head. "Either that, or a midget T-Rex."

Sarah looked excited. "Where is it? Do you know? I'd like to see it."

Ian shuddered. "Sarah, I don't think that's a good idea. I'm sure the baby's fine—"

Another piteous wail.

"That doesn't sound fine to me. I think the poachers have gotten to it." She helped Nick to a seated position on a boulder. "See if you can help him. we should have some bandages and aspirin back at camp. Albert, can you find the baby?"

"Probably. She's noisy enough."

"This is definitely a terrible idea," Ian complained. "If we can hear it, so can its parents."

The warning only made Sarah look more determined. "Albert, which way?"