Thanks to PDCr2O3, N. and RadiantLife2 for reading the story up to this point. I appreciate it. Also, thank you to my silent readers as well.

I wish this website would go back to normal and stop having so many spammers scaring people away.

[0000]

A used, candy striped candle twisted from the center of my pizza, emitting a feeble glow as it dripped wax on the unseasoned pepperoni.

They'd shut off the lights. My bookshelves and toys lay in semi-darkness. The scents of paraffin, discard meat, bread crust and cheese wafted into my nostrils. I sat on my haunches, chained to the wall of my cell as Mister Hammond and Henry Wu inexpertly crooned the birthday song to me.

By this time, I understood the significance of a birthday, and how sad and pathetic it was to celebrate with nobody but a couple jailers.

A bad picture book they presented me with: Ninja Turtles: Shredder Takes The Cake. It only added insult to the injury.

They told me to make a wish and blow out that re-used stub of a candle. I wished...I had friends.

I forced myself to not look sad. I knew from experience that being sad on my birthday only led to unwanted questions. Indignation when they found out I wanted something they were unable (or unwilling) to provide.

Pretending: Not just for imaginary swordfights and dolls.

Plus, that's what, like fifteen minutes of a day, and then, for roughly 360 days afterwards, I have less companionship than that!

Being recaptured...imprisoned, and forced to endure another birthday of that type...I feared that more than being ripped in half by Rexy and her boyfriend.

And everything in that trailer kept reminding me of it.

The old pizza-like food scents, the open package of candy striped birthday candles, the smell of paraffin from Sarah's experiments with Junior's splint. The moments of semi-darkness as the Rexes jostled the electric generator. The urine odors, the tight, uncomfortable collar around my neck.

The sudden thunderstorm.

Okay, maybe not the thunderstorm. It's weird how every time Rexy shows up, there's always an atmospheric disturbance and it gets all dark and rainy.

At any rate, not as terrified of eight tons of scaly reptilian flesh, as a human would be. Never have been.

Despite Ian's protests, I rushed to the door and leaned out to address the dinosaur child's parents.

Once again in a heavy downpour, the ground all around me dampened and turned to mud. Don't know how the Rexes always bring bad weather with them. "Hey! Don't kill us! We're trying to help your baby!"

Rexy stomped up to me, splattering me with mud in the process. The water showering down on her body made a sound like someone spraying a garden hose on a circus tent. She bared her fangs. "You've helped' too much already, teenysaurus! I'm gonna bite off your head!"

"C'mon! Relax! Chill! Your baby's safe!"

"Don't you tell me to relax!" Rexy roared.

Typical high blood pressure type. Too much red meat.

I may fear imprisonment more than anything else, and for that have a brass...cloaca, but that doesn't mean I'm suicidal. I have family to live for, and...a little uncomfortable, staring at those seven foot long serrated teeth. I yelped, diving back into the trailer.

By the way, Cynthia took this opportunity to drag Cassie past me, into the trailer, Buttface trailing at her heels.

The woman scowled as her shoes splashed through a puddle. "Albert! C'mon, really?"

I shrugged. "I got scared."

"We need to work on this!"

Cassie darted behind me for protection.

My wife, still heavily sedated from the tranquilizers, raised an eyelid at all the commotion, but only closed it again a second later.

Although Webby hadn't been sedated at all, I guess the day's adventures got to her, and she lay curled up against Zelda's body for warmth and protection...mainly protection at this point, since the giant, stomping, growling Tyrannosauruses (Tyrannosaurii?) would startle anyone awake.

Lightning flashed, the Rexes casting weird shadows into the trailer.

Nick gaped at the giant faces at the windows. "What do they want?"

I scoffed. "Please tell me you didn't just ask that. Seriously, what do you think they want?"

Sarah frowned. "How did they even find us? How could they have tracked us all the way over here?"

I shrugged. "Ummm...by scent? The same way a lost puppy can run across the country to find its owner?"

Ian broke into a cold sweat. I could smell him perspire in fear. "Give it to them! Please!"

Instead of doing that, Nick grabbed his TV camera, loading it with a cassette.

I cast him a puzzled look.

"What?"

"We got angry T-Rexes outside, we could die, and you're messing with that?"

"If it's not on camera, it never happened."

"Interesting philosophy. I wonder how it will work when you're lunch?"

"We're finished here." Sarah carefully reached under the infant T-Rex, glancing at Ian. "Help me with this thing, will you?"

I watched anxiously as they rushed the baby to the door, under the giant watchful eyes of scaly faces that blotted out the windows.

Cynthia opened the door for them, and jumped back.

"Wait!" Nick called after Sarah. "I gotta record this!" He rushed behind with his camera.

I gave Cassie a sly gesture, indicating she should move out of the way. Too many prying ears, of course, for me to actually give her instructions on how to help me.

For a brief moment, I capitalized on the team's distraction, rummaging through drawers and cabinets for tools I could use to snip off my collar.

I'd searched some other areas already, while Sarah operated on Rex Junior, but so far hadn't found anything useful, just coffee maker stuff, like filters, cleaning chemicals, canned goods, and first aid supplies.

Cynthia caught me pulling out a Swiss army knife. "Albert, what are you doing?"

I dropped it back into the drawer, feigning nonchalance. "Just...seeing what's in here..."

She put her hands on her hips. "There's giant dinosaurs outside. We need someone to interpret."

I could tell that was just a crappy excuse to get me out of the trailer. "Fine."

Still disappointed that Kelly hadn't done more to free me.

I stepped outside, watching Sarah and Ian unmuzzle Junior before the giants.

Sarah stepped back...

...And sang I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues.

Nick's camera kept rolling.

Ian stared at Sarah with an expression of concern. "Serenading a T-Rex? Sarah, did you contract heat stroke while we were out today?"

Sarah shrugged. "Music hath charm to calm the savage beast. I've had success with lions before."

I grinned. "In that case..."

I jumped forward and performed Chu Chu Ua.

Junior seemed entertained by Sarah's performance, but grew impatient with mine for some reason. She hurriedly limped to her parents.

Ian cringed. "I'm not waiting to see how this turns out."

He ran back inside, slamming the door.

Two skyscraper sized lizards and their cute baby. I smiled, thinking about me and Zelda...Despite how Rexy had eaten some raptors I cared about. "Awwww..."

Rexy examined her infant, then narrowed her eyes at me. "What's this on Baby's leg?"

I gave her an apologetic look. "It's called a cast. It's supposed to help her leg get better."

"It's weird."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry those other humans broke her leg."

"Humans did this? I knew it! I hate humans!"

Rexy's mate snarled through his nostrils, glanced at Rexy. They muttered to each other.

"We need a minute to figure out what to do with you. Don't go anywhere."

I breathed a sigh of relief as the Rex family stomped away.

We went back inside. Sarah, shaking, deposited herself into a chair, Ian radioing Kelly to stay up in the high hide. Emotionally exhausted, and in a daze, they all rested, and caught their breath for a moment.

"I almost feel like taking up smoking," Ian muttered.

A fierce wind shook the trailer. For a moment, I thought the Rexes had returned and bumped us...or breathed on us. Nope, just the storm.

"Son of a...!" Cynthia scowled as she picked a bug off her stomach. "Damn ticks are everywhere. Hope my insurance covers Lyme Disease."

Cynthia scratched herself, peered under her waistband. "Oh good Lord!" she rushed into the bathroom.

I crept backwards, toward a drawer I hadn't checked.

Sarah glanced my way, but didn't suspect anything. "So the T-Rex does nurture its young."

The other humans laughed.

I forced a laugh, to cover the sound of me opening the drawer.

My eyes widened when I spotted a pair of kitchen shears.

The moment I raised them to my collar, Cynthia emerged from the bathroom, clearing her throat. Her right hand flashed the clicker. "Put them down, Albert."

With a sigh, I returned the scissors to the drawer.

Zelda groaned, rising to her feet. "What did I miss?"

I shook my head. "Nothing, honey. We just fixed up Rexy's baby and gave her back to her parents."

Zelda growled. "After she ate my family?"

I nuzzled her consolingly. "Honey, I know it's hard, but the humans have taught me stuff about love and forgiveness. Plus Rexy is huge and she's got a mate!"

My wife still seemed a little drowsy. "So that's what that extra noise was about."

"Yeah. They wanted to bite my head off."

She smirked. "And you have such a nice head."

"Aww, thank you."

"Anyone want to continue this crazy expedition?" Nick asked the others on his team. "Or do we all want to go home?"

"Home," they all said.

"Continue," I blurted.

Cassie nodded, putting her arm around me.

Cynthia rolled her eyes, hands on her hips. "You stowaways definitely need to go home."

I locked eyes with Cassie, whispering to her. "You've got to help me! They're going to break up my family and ship me off to live in some stranger's horrible zoo!" I pointed to my collar. "It's all a scheme for money, and this is the first step! Cynthia tricked me into it!"

Cassie wiped tears from her eyes, giving Cynthia pleading look. "Tell me it's not true! Tell me you're not getting rid of him for money!"

The girl glared when she noticed Cynthia's facial expression, clearly not denying it. "Why are you taking Albert away from his family? What did he ever do to you? How could you be so mean? Is this how you treat people who save your life?"

"Cassie, he's not a person!"

"Yes he is! He's got a human brain!" Cassie wept into my neck. "I won't let him take you! I won't!"

Cynthia crept closer, but Cassie recoiled at her attempts to hug her. "Cassie, Albert is company property, like a cow or a sheep on someone's farm. Plus he's got copyrighted genetics. I won't exactly be selling him, I never owned him to begin with. Believe me, I'd buy him and his family if I could afford it, but I can't. I'm only acting as a trustee. I've already talked with Mister Arnold about this. If I don't turn him over to...wherever he's supposed to go, I could get fired, maybe even get sent to jail!"

"Plus she might get promoted," I growled. "Job security."

Cynthia sighed through her nostrils. "Albert, do you know what a cattle rustler is?"

I raised a brow ridge. "Is this something we can discuss around children?"

"Yes, Albert," she groaned.

"So it's not touching farm animals inappropriately, I take it."

Cynthia rubbed her face, muttering to herself about how poorly my zookeepers educated me. "What? No! They're thieves! Back in the old est, people got hung for stealing horses and cattle and stuff. I'm just sayin'...I'd rather not get strung up for stealing dinosaurs."

"Maybe, but what about those guys in that camp? Why'd we break in there and set it on fire, if we're not opposed to them?"

From Cynthia's facial expression, I could tell she didn't know. "It's complicated. Bottom line: I got to keep you leashed until we know what to do with you."

Ian, who had been slouching in a chair, now rose to his feet. "Speaking of which, we have all the evidence we need to help Hammond's case. The dinosaurs, and the people going in behind his back, destroying the habitat. Sarah, do you have enough for publication?"

The blonde nodded. "Just need to get some dinosaur DNA from the stool samples I've collected."

I chortled, thinking about the stories of her reaching into a mound of Triceratops poop.

She furrowed her brow. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Anyway, with Nick's recordings, and Ian's verbal testimony, I shouldn't be discredited."

"Great." Ian reached for a satphone. "I'll call the mainland and get us a boat."

The moment he picked the device up, the whole trailer rattled. We all looked around in alarm.

Eddie's voice crackled on the radio. "Ummm...guys? The Rexes are coming back."

I guess Rexy finally figured out what to do with us. "I might be a little late to point this out, but...I think we should have moved the trailer."

A second later, the whole trailer juddered with an earthquake-like tremor, dishes rattling, books and stuff dropping off shelves, silverware clanging onto the carpeted floor.

KA-RAM! A huge weight smashed into our vehicle, and we all got thrown into the opposite wall.

I shattered a bunch of petri dishes and slides and a framed picture of someone's family. Ian bruised his skull on a cabinet. Cassie knocked over specimen jars, spilling dinosaur urine all over the counters...and herself.

Ian's satphone flew from his hand, clacking on the carpet. I briefly considered smashing the thing to bits, but the act wouldn't have been appreciated, and they'd just use Cynthia's or something.

Cynthia and Sarah Harding...they found themselves in an awkward semi-embrace, Cynthia, being a head shorter than Sarah, mashed face-first into the other woman's bosom. Webby had to crawl out from under Buttface's tail.

Zelda hit the bathroom door, no worse for wear. Nick, though, got pegged in the forehead with his own camera. He now bled from a surface wound.

Cassie groaned and shook dinosaur pee off herself. "Ugh!"

Crack! A blue light flared outside the window, and the whole trailer went dark.

"There goes the generator," Ian observed...from somewhere. My eyes had to adjust to the darkness for a moment.

A huge scaly butt, illuminated by the lightning, passed by the window. In another lightning flash, I sighted Rexy's mate charging straight for us.

"Defensive maneuvers!" I shouted. "Brace yourselves!"

Nick held on to a chair, bolted to the floor. "Everyone grab something!"

The trailer rocked as a large dent appeared in the wall.

This time nobody got jostled too much, we were all too tense from getting thrown the last time.

The giant scaly head struck the trailer a second time, and everything flipped completely upside down.

As the floor turned into the ceiling, everything not bolted down (or securely locked in a cabinet or drawer) came raining down on her heads. I got struck by a can of Scrubbing Bubbles. Nick slapped side a package of airborne maxi pads. Ian and Sarah received a shower of pellets, a kind of dog food-like substance and monkey biscuits' for some kind of dinosaur.

Webby ended up on Zelda's head, yelping at as an unlit flare bopped her.

Another specimen bottle flipped end over end in Cassie's direction. "Not again!" she shouted, diving out of the way.

This time, Cynthia got splashed.

I burst into laughter, but then a battered copy of Shredder Takes the Cake slapped me in the face. Infuriated by the memory, I ripped the book to pieces.

Our vehicle rumbled and shook, the hissing, scraping noises indicative of us being moved along somewhere.

I rushed to the far end of the trailer, staring through the window that once overlooked the attached truck.

Difficult to see where we were going, on account of the rain, the darkness, and the mud and palm leaves slapping against the glass, but we must have been moved a considerable distance. The next time lightning illuminated the area, an unfamiliar rock shelf loomed into view.

"Not to worry, honey," Rexy's mate growled outside the trailer. "I'll get this can open for you yet!"

"Uh...guys?" I stammered.

Ian leaned over me to peer through the window. "Oh shit! They're going to push us off a cliff!"

[0000]

Of that underground tomb of the Dinosaucer' civilization, I have one last thing to recount. Aren't you glad? At any rate, I suppose I do need to conclude the tale, at least to explain how we got out.

Like other machines and things about this place, the subway car had an antiquated style, reminding me of Jules Verne inventions. This one in particular appeared to be modeled after The Nautilus from 2000 Leagues.

...Not designed for humans. For seats, it only had low pommel horse things, with a pad running along the wall for back support. Some had an adjustable backrest that came down from the ceiling, padded nests' for the young ones. It would have been super comfortable, had the rubber and fabric not decayed over time, and we didn't have a layer of dust coating everything. As it stood, a little like riding a train in the old west, with those hard wooden seats.

We sat staring at each other as rock walls rushed by the windows.

Buttface climbed into a nest thing and hunkered down.

Creative decoration in the place. As a small civilization, these raptor people didn't have much use for advertising, so they'd covered the compartment with murals and bas reliefs depicting dinosaurs doing Kung Fu moves, hunting, playing tennis, doing romantic things together, and piloting a golden bird shaped airplane.

Cynthia sat down next to me, gripping my tail.

"Stop it, weirdo. You gonna chew on it next?" I brushed her hand away. "You're safe! The car is moving!"

"Yeah, but we don't know where we're moving to."

"The holographic lady hasn't done us wrong yet!"

Cynthia sighed, fidgeting with her hands. I could tell she wanted to grab me again.

"You know, I could easily eat you, or employ the use of my disemboweling claw..."

"Yeah, but you won't, because you're a nice raptor, and we're buds, right?"

I rolled my eyes.

She...played with Heffalump's bug leg.

The car continued on.

Buttface scratched at her nest thing. Heffalump silently stared out the windows. Zelda settled onto the pommel horse beside me. Webby dozed on my back.

Miguel seated himself on a horse across from Cynthia. "I heard you guys talking. This place was built in a parallel universe?"

"No, there was an Albert from a parallel universe that came here and built this a long time ago...with the help of Parallel Me."

"Man, that's trippy."

"How long were you eavesdropping on us before you decided to pop in unannounced?"

"Oh? Since Heffalump showed up at your house and made you scream."

"You've been stalking us?"

"I prefer to call it Protecting my sister.' You can't be too careful...So that remote control is for dimensional travel?"

"That's what the other Albert said, but it's broken now."

"I know how to repair electronics. Can I have it? I'll give it back once it's working."

Cynthia handed it over. "Knock yourself out."

"Oh, by the way, there's a burst pipe in the kitchen that keeps spraying water..."

The woman smacked her face. "Great, archaeological find of the century, and now it's going to be a lagoon! Thanks, Miguel!"

Miguel gave her an apologetic shrug.

After Miguel accidentally locked us in back there, we didn't have much hope of getting out.

As mentioned before, eerily silent in that ancient dinosaur base. I suppose being mailed underground had something to do with it. Nothing but the soft hiss of air equipment that we could only hope would continue working. On a related note...

In a panic, we all rushed back to the main entrance, hoping Miguel was incorrect, hoping we could somehow still open the main door.

We faced a sealed, featureless metal wall, and no amount of banging it with our fists, or kicking it, would make it open. You'd think we could somehow put the necklace back, but the sockets happened to be on the other side of the door.

Buttface scratched on the door and fluted angrily through her hollow nose horn, but that didn't help either.

Although Heffalump did have strong muscles and a big body, he couldn't pry it open, either.

"We're going to die down here," Cynthia whimpered.

"¡Ay no!" Araceli cried. "¡Estamos atrapados! ¡Nos quedaremos sin comida y aire y moriremos!"

Heffalump patted her gently on the back. "Cálmate. Nos quedaremos sin comida y nos moriremos de hambre antes de quedarnos sin aire."

Those consoling words sent her running to her brother, crying into his stomach.

Miguel rubbed her consolingly on the head, making a little more reassuring promise, though I didn't know how he'd keep them.

"Wait, let's not give up just yet..." I addressed the ceiling, you know, because people do that in scifi shows all the time. "Computer? Cute dinosaur lady? Ghost dinosaur lady?"

When no help came, I tried again in raptorese.

The holographic creature reappeared.

I swallowed, fearful she'd just vanish again if I did the wrong thing. Zelda narrowed her eyes at me, actually jealous of this hologram ghost thing. Didn't want to make her mad either.

"Hey, uh...Miss. We're trapped in here. Would you mind reopening this door so we can get out of here? Don't get me wrong, you got a nice place, but everything's turned to dust and you don't seem to have any food—"

Lighted arrows appeared on the walls and ceiling, directing us back to the chamber with the subway car.

The golden, beer can shaped vehicle, lit up at our approach, its door sliding open. I and Araceli padded up to the thing, but Cynthia balked. "Wait, what if that door gets stuck like the one in the hallway?"

I picked up Webby. "I don't think we'll be any worse off. We'll still be trapped in a tomb. Unless that Timer thing can actually send us to a different dimension somehow."

She scoffed. "I still don't like this idea. That thing looks awfully small."

"You want to stay here? If we get out of here, we could come back and put the medallion in its socket again..."

Looking very nervous and uncomfortable, Cynthia hurried through the open door.

So, yeah, pretty cool subway car. Really accommodating to different dinosaur types, too (well, except if you're T-Rex sized, but if you had legs that big, you could probably just cover the same distance by walking anyway). Heffalump had no difficulty making it through the door, and he had a good bench to sit on.

Unlike a bus or other vehicle, our footsteps didn't make any hollow sounds until Heffalump marched in. Heavy duty flooring.

Again, as she had throughout our voyage through this strange ancient tomb, Araceli said next to nothing, just stared open mouthed at her surroundings, like she were visiting Epcot center for the first time or something.

The moment I stepped inside, Cynthia ran a hand down my tail and gripped it.

I immediately had flashbacks of our shared pot experience. Weirdly erotic, emotionally confusing, and very, very annoying. "Uh...Cynthia? Could you...not do that?"

She didn't let go. "Sorry, I'm claustrophobic. I get kinda grabby in places like this...And haunted houses."

Heat flushed to my face. "What, do you chew on their nails too?"

"I've...thought about it."

I shoved her hand away.

"Why didn't your claustrophobia bother you in the caverns and stuff?"

"We still had open space. It's different."

The moment we all got in and situated ourselves, the holographic dinosaur lady appeared again, and the sliding door closed us in. Cynthia's grip on Heffalump's leg got tighter.

"¡Ay! ¡Deja de jugar con las partes de me cuerpo!"

"Disculpas," Cynthia muttered, letting go. "Lo siento."

Again she fidgeted.

...And grabbed my claw.

I guess I didn't mind that so much, but...still...emotionally confusing. "Well, at least it's not my tail."

The giddy sensation of lifting indicated that the car operated on a form of magnetic suspension, like a bullet train. The dinosaur lady hologram said a bunch of stuff, but I guess the speaker system had rusted out over time, for we heard nothing.

For a moment, we just silently stared at each other, the hologram lady, and the rocks as they rushed by. The walls had pictograms and stuff painted on them, probably designating miles or something.

Buttface whimpered through her horn and backed into a corner.

Webby seemed nervous, so I picked her up and put her on my back.

Zelda, though...she seemed cool with it, I guess because the others took it so well. She stood beside me, head darting back and forth like a cat at a tennis match, due to all the strange rocks and metal facets rushing by the window.

I asked Miguel about the game they played in the caverns, and I learned something about Dungeons and Dragons.

Heffalump asked Miguel for food, but he hadn't brought any.

Araceli passed Heffalump a carrot.

Cynthia groaned. "I somehow knew you hadn't eaten that."

Heffalump munched it. "Podría usar adarezo para ensaladas."

The woman rolled her eyes. "It's nice to want things, Hefty."

Heffalump trumpeted indignantly.

The tunnel connected to a platform with hydraulic lifts, and a turntable system.

I stared out the front window as the turntable moved. "This place reminds me a lot of the Myst video game."

Cynthia still gripped my claw. Zelda cast her a jealous look. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You never heard of Myst?"

"I tried the game once, but I gave up on that stupid puzzle with the star chart and the dentist chair."

With a deep mechanical moan, the lights, both inside the car and around the subway tunnel went out, the car stopping in its tracks. An alarm sounded...an incessant beeping sound, identical to the noise you get if you leave your keys in a car ignition, or if you had only one heart left in Legend of Zelda.

We sat in darkness for over a minute. Have you ever played the Ninja Kid Nintendo game? It has a very repetitive level theme song. I found myself humming it.

Cynthia's grip tightened on my claw. An angry squeeze, but c'mon, you can't hurt a dinosaur that easy. "Albert, I'm going to kill you!"

"Hey, cool it. We're not totally imprisoned. I saw some levers by the door. I think hologram ghost lady was showing us how to use it, but we couldn't hear her."

"Our flashlights all have bad batteries. How are we going to operate the door if we can't see it?"

"I have excellent night vision. Just let my eyes adjust a bit...plus, hey, what if the power comes back on?"

Cynthia scoffed. "There's nobody alive to work a power plant. How would it come back on?"

"Why was it on in the first place?"

She had no answer to that.

Just to break the silence, I asked, "Hypothetically, if they were real, do you think the Ninja Turtles have a cloaca like me, or do they just not have reproductive organs?"

"Dude, it's a kid's show."

"Okay...But say it wasn't. Would they be impotent, or would they have a cloaca?"

"I'm still trying to figure out how they pee."

"Hmmm...That's a good point."

"You should talk to my brother about this shit. He's the one that's a fan."

Then she hummed the Ninja Kid theme song I'd been humming. "Great. Now you got me doing it."

I snickered.

Heffalump, Araceli and Miguel muttered to each other in Spanish, something about opening their own sort of theme park in the place and charging admission.

I asked Miguel some more stuff about Dungeons and Dragons, and then, "Did you both first meet Heffalump at the same time?"

"No, she scared the hell out of me by bringing him to the boat dock one day. I dropped my fishing pole, and I had to dive to get it back."

"You can fish?"

"Yeah. You have to get good at it to survive on the island. Crabs have been thinning out recently. Those little dinosaurs are tasty, though."

"Wow, yeah! I know! Do you eat them raw, too?"

"Why would I eat them raw?"

"Oh yeah. Humans have sensitive tummies. Hey, you think you might teach me how to fish—"

The lights flickered back on, though feebly, making us wonder when they might go out again. The car lifted up off the tracks, and the car moved once more.

We zoomed along at a speed comparable to a real bullet train, slowing to a stop at a huge pile of rubble.

The door to the car slid open, and the ghost hologram spoke with no sound again, gesturing for us to get out.

In raptorese, I addressed her. "Pardon me, Miss. I can't hear you. What are we doing here?"

Lines of glowing symbols filled the air, the same type of symbols we'd seen on the walls and floor of the place. "Sorry, I can't read that."

The translucent creature frowned, paused in thought a moment, then showed us a...3D movie.

Like something out of Airwolf, a golden, bird shaped airplane stood in the center of a dead volcano, surrounded by gold computer equipment. Human reptiles placed (something unseen) on the bird's underside, and the airplane's beak-like nose portion folded down, presenting them with a staircase, allowing them to climb into the cockpit.

No visible turbines, yet it functioned as a VTOL aircraft, rising out of the volcano, into the sky.

The hologram pointed to me, indicating I could do the same.

"That's great, but don't you see that giant pile of rocks?"

She frowned, vanishing from the compartment.

I stepped outside. Webby stirred when I moved, but only for a moment. She trusted me to take care of our predicament more than I did.

Cynthia, due to her claustrophobia, immediately rushed out behind me. And I mean behind. "What happens if that car closes behind us and we're stuck here?"

I didn't speak, raising one claw. Dinosaur ghost lady now stood in front of the mound of boulders, shooting beams out of her eyes.

I hoped, for a moment, that she might pull a Superman and blow up the rocks and stuff, but no, she just performed a scan, like people do on Star Trek and similar shows.

Buttface relieved herself on the rocks. Zelda chirped and whistled to me, inquiring about exits. I chirped back a negative in reply. She stayed in the car, but kept eying Cynthia with jealous suspicion.

Heffalump came out of the car for a second, took a look around, and popped back in the car.

Araceli moved a rock with her foot, but Cynthia pushed her back. "Hey, don't mess with that. You could bring the cave down on our heads!"

"No entiendo."

Her brother came out and pulled her back from the debris, warning her in Spanish. "Sorry, she gets bored."

The hologram dinosaur, apparently finished with her scan,' vanished again.

I looked in the subway car, and found her standing there, mutely lecturing the other passengers.

I rushed up to her. "Can you play charades or something? We can't hear any of that, or read your language."

Dinosaur Woman paused...for a very long time.

Cynthia sighed and shook her head. "Great job, Albert. You broke it."

She crossed her arms, impatiently pacing the floor. Due to the solid nature of the floor, I'd compare it to the sound a mouse makes scurrying across a block of steel.

At last we got treated to grainy, incomplete footage of those three kids and the caped man.

The picture flickered in and out. You'd see them running, and then they'd suddenly be running a yard further up ahead than they were supposed to be, and then they'd be standing somewhere talking.

Due to the spotty nature of the transmission, I'll summarize:

Still being chased by Conquistadors, they ran into the tunnel leading to the dead volcano.

The caped guy lit some explosive, throwing it at his pursuers.

The tunnel collapsed from the explosion. They kept running.

They discovered the gold airplane, and a bunch of dinosaur-human skeletons.

They talked amongst themselves, examining the various gold computers and equipment.

The kids played around with the airplane, and got the cockpit to open with their necklaces, the same ones we had (yeah. I don't know how that worked, either).

The caped guy's portly friend stole some important component from the computers, causing some machinery to and break down.

The kids figured out how to make the airplane take off. The caped guy and the other adults rushed to jump onboard as it rose higher into the air.

The plane hit a wall, causing parts of the volcano to collapse.

The malfunctioning machines catch fire and explode. More of the cavern fell apart.

The crumbling volcano, compiled with the bomb in the tunnel, caused a chain reaction of falling debris.

The gold airplane escaped the volcano as everything collapsed around them.

The last thing to be recorded: A large rock, flying straight toward what I presumed to be a camera.

The holographic ghost gave a mute apology (I'm assuming. She looked apologetic as she spoke with no volume) and our car reversed direction up the tunnel.

Cynthia's hand went to my tail again. "Where are we going?"

I slapped her hand away. "I dunno."

"I hope it's not the place we just left, or another pile of rubble."

We watched the rocks rush past...for a long time.

Araceli wanted to talk to Zelda, so I translated her questions, stuff about how me and Zelda met and got married, how long we knew each other.

...I didn't know Zelda had a thing for me, even back when I was small and getting bullied by other raptors.

Our ears popped as the car traveled up an incline.

At last, we saw pale light outside the car.

We stopped before a winding tunnel...with a waterfall at the end.

No more track. The door slid open.

"Guess this is the end of the line."

Cynthia shivered. "Poor choice of words, Albert."

"Sorry. I only meant it like a bus driver or a train engineer."

"I hope it's the way out."

Cynthia immediately released my claw and rushed up the tunnel to investigate.

"Hey! Wait for us!"

I joined her at the waterfall. The moment I glanced through the water, I immediately grabbed her claw, I mean, hand.

Still night. The illumination had been provided by a large, brilliant moon.

You know how Jurassic Park has a helicopter pad at the foot of a bunch of mountains and waterfalls? The subway car had taken us somewhere high in those mountains.

From our height, that pad and the waiting helicopter resembled a model on a train set.

And the waiting helicopter.

Cynthia shook her hand free from my grip. "Hey! I think someone came to pick up Araceli!"

I grabbed her hand. "That's great. But how do we get down from here?"

She frowned, glanced about. "There's a path."

I followed her eyes. Out of fear, I hadn't bothered to look before. "Oh."

Still holding her hand. Zelda growled indignantly at me. "Honey, I'm scared!"

My wife nuzzled me, nosing my claw away from the human and growling in raptorese about my bravery.

"I guess you're right..."

Zelda sniffed the trail, then chirped and nodded to me as she padded downwards.

A long, winding trail, a little steep in places, but wide enough to accommodate a fair number of dinosaur types. I kept close to the side of the mountain, refusing to look down. Cynthia complained that it didn't have any safety railing, but we found holes and fragments of metal where such railing should have been.

Heffalump found a few sections a little narrow and treacherous, but his big spider legs aided him in navigating the areas.

We made it down a good two or three miles before a mound of rubble thwarted our passage. Hologram Lady couldn't help us with this one.

It took us awhile, but with a lot of shoving, and Heffalump's help, we got the rocks and small boulders out of the way. Lucky thing we had nobody around for miles (except maybe a helicopter pilot way at the other end of a lake) so it didn't quite matter where the rocks dropped.

The larger boulders...those we had to climb around. A little tricky, and scary, but we made it across safely. Cynthia claims I put my claws on her butt, but I think she's making up that story.

I kinda had to fight my fears to help pass Araceli, Webby and Buttface around the obstacles.

Buttface was the worst. At times she absolutely refused to move, and when we tried lifting her, she would snarl and scratch us. We decided to just leave her behind and come back later, which proved an effective ploy. The moment we began the abandonment process, she took it upon herself to clear the boulders, looking very proud of herself afterwards...Fluting the Ninja Kid theme song seemed to keep her in good spirits.

I think Miguel must have done nothing but rock climbing in his free time. He had the skill of a mountain goat, coaching all of us how to climb. "Sometimes, I climb brick walls for fun."

By the way, very proud of my wife. The height didn't seem to bother her at all, and she...kinda took the male role in the relationship, encouraging me to be brave.

The trail cut through a cavern. Nothing inside indicative of any civilization, human or Dinosaucer, well, except the path with the sockets for missing rails.

The cavern wound around and around. At places, like near its entrance, we had light.

The light faded out halfway in, and I'd have to adjust my eyes to see where we were going. A couple times we came close to falling down a shaft.

Due to the nearness to the waterfall, though, we had breaks in the rock here and there, like little windows, and we'd get a trickle of moonlight. We still came across stretches of pitch black cavern, of course, but Buttface had a hidden talent: Sonar.

A little hard to decipher the growls and whistles and whatnot at first, but we eventually developed a system to determine things like "left," "right," "straight," "danger," "safe," things like that.

At the same time, too, we discovered Heffalump had been holding out, and he could make his tail glow in the dark. At least twice during this expedition, he and Buttface rescued every one of us from a dangerous fall.

The cavern inclined and opened up into a field of cloned prehistoric jungle plants. We turned the corner of a mountain, waded through the shallows at the base of the falls. Up ahead, the helicopter waited on the landing pad.

Not an easy path. The pools kept getting deeper. We had to skirt them and take a long, roundabout route to the pad, through weeds, and down a rocky cliff, but we eventually made it to there.

The propeller blades remained stationary. We found Bryan asleep in a folding chair a few feet from the chopper, the pilots playing cards around a tool box beside the helicopter's entry hatch.

Cynthia shook the guy in the chair awake.

"About time you showed up," he groaned. "We were about to take off."

He started when he noticed Heffalump. "What the hell is that thing?"

Cynthia glanced back, but at this point, Heffalump had disappeared, and she had to grab Araceli before she vanished as well. "What thing?"

Despite their protests, Bryan volunteered to take Araceli and Miguel back to their mother. We bid farewell to them, and off they went in the helicopter. Didn't see them again for a long time. I can only assume they went back to her for awhile, and snuck out to do more island hopping afterwards. Not sure how they retrieved the boat again.

"And that..." To quote my tape recordings of Paul Harvey. "Is the rest of the story."