Tseng XIX: Comfort

Content warning: eating disorder

After having convinced himself that Sephiroth was no danger to his own health, Tseng begun to fill him in on the upcoming mission. While they still had two days before they would leave, he thought it would be for the best to let him know as early as possible. This turned out to be a good decision because Sephiroth appeared to welcome the distraction. Although he acted abrasive most of the time, he usually did not enjoy being alone and having nothing to do. For once, Tseng could be a bearer of good news to his young friend (which I thought he was, although he would never agree with this definifion).

When he parted from the SOLDIER, Tseng pushed himself to ask him to abstain from drinking alcohol at least until they got back from Wutai. Of course, Sephiroth used to drink alcohol with us every once in a while when we went out for a night of fun. But he never drank much (except that one time, but that is a different story), and he never drank by himelf. Neither Tseng, nor I had not been aware before that Sephiroth had developed a drinking habit, though it came as no surprise. Never mind how distant he acted, he could always rely on our support to help him cope with bad situations or at least to distract him. Sephiroth had had no friends aside from us since the falling out he had with Tseng so many years ago, and no one to turn to, except sweet oblivion. On his way out, Tseng had looked through all cabinets and poured all alcoholic drinks he could find down the drain, and he made certain that Sephiroth could hear him doing so. He hoed that he would get the message.

It was hard to admit, but this made him long for the old days. Tseng had no siblings, but just for a short while, it had felt as if Sephiroth was a little brother to him. A sinister little brother, but one that relied on him. Tseng missed that feeling of being needed, although, objectively speaking, Sephiroth had always been too old to be babysat ever since they got to know each other. He placed the seven bottles he found neatly next to the sink and left without another word to the SOLDIER.

The morning had progressed and the SOLDIER quarters were bustling with life. When he got to the helipad, no shuttle was immediately available because the SOLDIER members were using them to get to headquarters or other frequently visited locations. A few 2nd and 3rd class SOLDIERS were already waiting to go on duty. Tseng wondered if it was like this every day. Perhaps the company should invest in more helicopters or some other form of transport if it enabled their elite combatants to operate more efficiently. But Hojo, the executive formally responsible for the SOLDIER department took so little interest in its day-to-day activities that he was probably not even aware that there was an issue. Though that did not explain why Lazard, the SOLDIER director, did nothing about it either.

He leaned against the wall near the exit to the helipad and closed his eyes for a moment. Last night was taking its toll. He had not eaten anything at all the previous day, and would have to wait until he got home tonight to eat anything. He felt dizzy. As he was standing there, he felt the weight of his limbs pulling him down, but he could not give in to the sweet temptation of sleep just yet.

Finally, another helicopter arrived, and there were just enough seats to fit all the waiting people. The pilot dropped him off at the Turks' headquarters first that were close by and then continued on to the Shinra headquarters, while Tseng entered the building. Here, there was a similar buzz and fuss as in the SOLDIER quarters. It had not been made public, but they had still not tracked down the mastermind behind the militant Avalanche group that had recently threatened, and continued to threaten, the company. Turks were continuously out and about following leads and investigating suspicious sites. But despite that, nothing much had come out of it yet. Tseng himself had not been deeply involved with these activities ever since Chief Veld had returned from his unwarranted suspension. Tseng had spent some time as the Turks' leader in name only, and, while Heidegger had held most of the executive power during this time, the experience had taught him that he still had much to learn before he could even hope to follow in the chief's footsteps. It was sheer luck that they did not lose anyone permanently while that Heidegger had been in command, stomping around like an elfadunk and ordering the Turks to do the same.

He was pleased to see that Emma, one of the younger members, had returned to work from her leave due to the injuries she had sustained during the recent Corel unrest. He stopped to exchange a few words with the young woman and express his delight at seeing her back in action. He already had a grasp of the situation from reading the related reports, but hearing experiences first-hand always gave him a different perspective on the situation. In the Corel situation, the open aggression had come from an Avalanche cell that attempted to sabotage the reactor construction. Their efforts had ultimately been unsuccessful, in a large part due to the work of Emma and three class-2 SOLDIERs. The SOLDIERS had been promoted to 1st class in the meantime, but the Injuries Emma had sustained, albeit not life-threatening, had rendered her unable to do service for some time. Emma was scheduled to return to Corel soon, to continue her investigation, in hopes that a connection to the other recent Avalanche activities could be found.

He continued on to his office without getting into deeper conversations with anyone, and closed the door behind himself when he entered. Without thinking about it any further, he walked over to the coffee machine and prepared the usual two mugs of coffee, which he carried into Rufus Shinra's cell. Rufus was sitting on the couch as usual and reading in one of the files Tseng had brought him yesterday. When the Turk entered, he looked up from the file in surprise. "How unusual of you to come in without calling first", he remarked. Having simply forgotten to announce his arrival, Tseng responded: "How unusual of you not to watch me coming in. And a good morning to you, too".

At this point, it was relatively fair to assume that Rufus was watching him anyway and knew he was coming. Almost every morning had been like that. But now Rufus appeared really busy. His tablet, which he normally used to track the surveillance feeds, laid forgotten on the bedside table, while paper files were stacked on the coffee table beside the untouched breakfast sitting on a tray. Tseng was glad to see that Rufus was getting his spirits back and taking the situation seriously, just as he had made Tseng believe the other day. Although he was a little disappointed at realizing that Rufus' motivation for watching him all the time had been boredom at least in some part.

Tseng put Rufus' coffee on the table, which the vice-president immediately picked up and started sipping, while eying Tseng over the edge of the mug. "You look tired", he observed. "You, too", Tseng replied while sitting down in the armchair, coffee mug in hand. "Did you spend the whole night reading?", he joked. Much to his surprise, Rufus answered: "This is the last file." Tseng's eyebrows twitched. Rufus really was serious about this mission. He could only hope that the vice president would be able to satisfy his father's expectations of the peace negotiations. But their success not only relied on him alone. "Is there anything else that you need me to do before we leave? We still have two days."

Rufus looked into the air for a moment. "Will our super SOLDIER be an asset or a liability?", he finally wanted to know. "I am doing everything in my power to make sure that he'll be the former. But you know how it is with Sephiroth." Rufus nodded. "I'd rather leave him here, to be honest if we had an alternative." He had a point. If worst came to worst and they were attacked, they would need Sephiroth just to ensure their safety. If the situation was anything but the worst, the only reason to bring him was intimidation, and this could easily backfire if the SOLDIER could not pull himself together.

"I'm afraid there is no way around it. Zack isn't enough to guard two VIPs, and there are no other SOLDIERs right now I would trust with your life", he explained with a smile. The corners of Rufus's mouth twitched. "I'm not going to run away." That was also a fair point. "I wasn't thinking about that, primarily. We'll be behind enemy lines, in the heart of their territory, out in the open. I can send Turks there on their own for espionage, but as an official envoy, you must be as well protected as possible. We can't afford to look weak either by sending a no-name with you." Tseng set his mug down on the table. "Besides, I'm not sure if Zack alone can really shoulder such a responsibility. He sometimes lacks the sincerity to deal with difficult tasks professionally. He'll follow Sephiroth's example, but by himself he would make a mess like you've never seen before, trust me on this." Rufus sighed. "What has SOLDIER come to?" Tseng shrugged. "It's never been much different with SOLDIER, really. They don't learn to be professional like we Turks do. They just kind of grow into it. Or maybe not."

Tseng pointed at the food tray sitting on the coffee table. "Aren't you hungry?", he asked. Rufus sipped his coffee while turning back to the file he was reading. "Not really. This place is getting on my nerves." That was hardly surprising. "Why don't you have a bite?", he added, looking at the Turk from the corners of his eyes. Tseng rolled his eyes. Rufus had been onto him to eat more since the day before, but this was getting ridiculous. Rufus lowered the file. "No, really. Why won't you eat anything?" This direct question took Tseng by surprise. Rufus' underhanded comments before had been easy to brush away, but this question was actually hard to answer.

He briefly studied the food, but just one glance was enough for his throat to feel as if he was choking. It was a feeling that always overcame him when he attempted to eat while in public, or when confronted with any food outside his comfort zone. Having grown up in the slums, he had been forced to eat all sorts of things, or starve. His parents had been so desperate to nourish him as to just make him eat, regardless of whether something was really safe to eat. He had developed an expectation to feel sick after eating anything, and this had left him as an extremely picky eater in his adult life. The few foods he was actually able to eat were not always available or convenient, so his eating became less and less spontaneous, up to the point where he would usually have just one meal per day after he got home from work at night. And if his schedule was as messed up as it had been during the past couple days, it could easily happen that he had went a day or two with little or no food.

He did not want to admit or explain this to Rufus, so instead, he chose the most diplomatic answer he could think of. "It's a bit early for me to eat. I'll have something for lunch." Rufus' pulled up his eyebrows an he nodded and, instead of responding, turned back to the file he was reading. It was obvious that he did not believe a word Tseng had just said, but would not push the matter any further. Tseng pressed his lips together while clutching the sides of the armchair. It did not feel good to lie or make excuses, but he was not ready to admit this weakness to Rufus Shinra.

Rufus said nothing further as he continued to read, occasionally sipping his coffee, while Tseng furtively studied his features from the side. Rufus Shinra had a long face with sharp features and a slightly angular chin. A pair of crystal clear, bright blue eyes were moving back and forth over the pages as he continued to read, and his light blonde eyebrows furrowed as he was processing the information. His platinum blonde hair fell down into his face on one side, which gave him a somewhat daring and thuggish look.

Tseng leaned his head against the back of the armchair he was sitting in while he continued to watch Rufus Shinra, who appeared not to mind Tseng being there. As they sat in a silence only disturbed by the occasional flip of a page, Tseng felt his limbs grow heavy while his body filled with a comfortable warmth and his eyes finally fell shut.