Tseng XXI: Off the clock
When Tseng got back home after his early leave from work, he was faced with the harsh reality that he did not really know what to do when he was not working. After some deliberation, he decided to use this opportunity get some cleaning done since his apartment had accumulated quite a bit of dust because he usually did not have as much time for cleaning as he would have liked. Dirt and clutter bothered him, but not enough to actually come back home from work earlier to get it done, or break his well-thought-out schedule.
Laundry day was tomorrow, but he might as well get it done today. And so, he took his worn sets of uniforms down to the dry cleaner in the next block. The elderly lady managing the store reacted with much surprise to see him on a different day than usual and during daytime at that, but he quickly explained away his breaking the habit by an upcoming "business trip". It was not a complete lie, but him being dismissed from work early today because he had displeased his boss was too harsh a truth for him to even admit to himself.
When he returned to his apartment, it was early afternoon. It was not yet his usual time to eat, but he could not ignore his growling stomach any longer after having denied it for too long. He knew he still had food in the fridge, and, logically speaking, it should still have been safe to eat after only two days, but he still ordered fresh food and disposed of the leftovers. Although the Wutaian-style takeout meals were generally in his comfort zone, today was not a good day to challenge his food aversion by forcing himself to eat something that was not quite fresh. The delivery came quickly, and he decided to treat himself today. And so he served the meal to himself on a plate rather than eating him straight out of the container as he usually did.
He managed to finish three quarters of the serving and congratulated himself for doing such a good job. After he put the leftovers in the fridge, he was again left with nothing to do, and the day had barely dragged into the mid-afternoon. He was quite exhausted from so much idleness, but not enough to actually sleep. Besides, if he went to sleep now, his sleep schedule would become completely disorganized, and he could not take that risk right before an important mission. He should at least attempt to sleep at his usual time.
Sitting back at the kitchen table, he rested his head on his arms for a bit. His thoughts wandered back to Rufus. As much as the vice president had caused Tseng to have a meltdown to the point where he broke almost every single habit he had developed over the years, deep down, Tseng was grateful for the reprimand he had been given. As a Turk, he had to complete his missions, one way or another. He had not been able to see how his condition could risk the success of the Wutai mission. Rufus, on the other hand, had wanted to give him space and time to rest, but he could not accept it because it would make him appear weak. His desire to put appearances over reality was what had brought this on, and Rufus was right to scold him although it was hard to see from this perspective.
He was weak. He did not want to admit it, but he was just a normal person. He had gotten to where he was by not accepting that and push himself far beyond his limits, thinking that was what would grant him success. To accomplish every mission without fail was his job as a Turk. He could not let his ego get in the way.
Tseng sighed, his head still resting on his arms. All of a sudden, he wanted to see Rufus, to be with him. But this could never be. He had been kidding himself when he thought that they could perhaps be together once Rufus became president. He was still Shinra's lapdog, and Rufus Shinra would be his master. He would have to content himself with watching him from a distance. Absentmindedly, he pulled out his phone and, in his desire just to see Rufus' face, to see him flick back his platinum blonde hair, to see his eyes narrowing when he thought critically about something, he opened the camera feed in his cell. He did not usually check on his ward when it was not absolutely necessary, but today was different in almost every way.
And so he was very surprised at what he found, once the video came up on the small screen. Rufus was on the floor in the middle of the room, doing sit-ups. It had never occurred to Tseng that Rufus spent time physically exercising in his cell. He had always taken him for a brainy guy, who mostly exercised with a pen, sitting at a desk. And the several layers of clothing he usually wore obscured his body shape quite effectively. But not so now, because he had taken off his shirt, revealing his slim, toned body.
Tseng forcefully pulled his eyes away from the beauty he had witnessed, lowered the phone and closed the feed. He felt guilty for watching him, although he knew that he should not feel so bad about it, considering that Rufus was watching him over Shinra's surveillance network possibly all the time when he was in areas with CCTV. Tseng got up from the chair and, with his phone in hand, went to the bedroom and dropped down on the bed with his clothes still on.
He was not used to having so much free time and needed to get his mind off of these things. Fawning over Rufus Shinra and fantasizing about him would not get him anywhere. He considered for a split second to visit Honeybee Manor, but he was not really in the mood for that. Besides, going all the way out there without a helicopter when he was off the clock seemed like way too much effort. It had been a while since he had taken a train the way most people in Midgar did. Instead, he retrieved the Cynder app on his phone and reactivated his profile. It had been months since he last used the app, but if memory served him well, it had always done the deed whenever he needed it. Why he thought it was a better idea to see another person after a fight with his not-boyfriend than to take a nap and catch up on sleep, was beyond me, but what do I know? I had no idea that such apps even existed. Although I had gone through such a phase where I myself did not know for certain if I really wanted to pursue the one I longed for, the idea of casually seeing a stranger to make up for what was lacking alienated me.
Tseng was a little surprised at seeing his own profile picture that he had uploaded all those months ago. The picture showed only the lower half of his face, the side of his neck and part of his shoulder and collarbone. For him, being a Turk, anonymity was a bigger concern for him than it was for most people on the app, so he would never upload a recognizable picture of himself on a dating app. Besides, true to Wutaian culture, the focus of the pictures was on his neck, which was generally seen as the most attractive part of the body, and perhaps the most sensual one. This was, in a way, the sexiest picture of himself that he dared to upload on a public app. What he was more surprised about was what he had looked like just a few months ago, compared to now.
Still lying down, he unbuttoned his shirt and took an identical picture of himself to compare the two. It was true that he had lost weight. He pondered for a moment if he should update his profile picture, but decided against it. He was not looking for a second date, so he might as well keep the more attractive one. After swiping around for a while, he matched with a blonde man. He was not picky about looks in particular, but he had quite specific preferences about… other things. After texting back and forth a little, he decided that they were sufficiently compatible and asked him to meet at a hotel in two hours.