Zack XXXVII: Selfishness

Zack took off the VR goggles when his phone rang and the forest and mountain scenery around him disappeared. He picked up the phone and was greeted by a cheerful "Hellooo!" Smiling, he responded: "Hey, Aerith! What's up?" They continued to chat for a short while and agreed to meet up as soon as Zack finished his training session. He was still smiling when he hung up and put the goggles back on to resume his training, but somehow, the horde of Levrikons that had been chasing him just a moment ago could not excite him anymore or beat the anticipation of getting together with Aerith. Training all by himself just with stock monster data from the combat simulator simply was not the same as exercising with a strong sparring buddy. Unfortunately, he had left pretty much everyone else behind in terms of strength, aside from Sephiroth and, possibly, those three newcomers, whose names he had forgotten yet again and who seemed like the exact opposite of buddies. And with Sephiroth not being available at all at the moment (or ever), Zack had not had the chance to train with him despite him having agreed to help Zack train a long while ago. But Zack understood that Sephiroth was preoccupied with other things and so did not demand anything of him.

Too bored to continue the never-changing training routine, he took off the goggles for good and put his sword on his back. The sword which had been way too heavy for him to use properly initially had really grown on him, and over the weeks he had developed both the muscle to swing it effectively and the technique to do so without losing his balance or overexerting himself quickly. Unfortunately for him, there had not been all that much to do since their mission to Wutai. The SOLDIER department was without dedicated leader, although, with it being formally under the umbrella of the research department, Professor Hojo was now technically their supervisor. But Hojo had no interest in the activities of SOLDIER, aside from producing more and better ones. The only one he took a serious interest in was Sephiroth, and the professor had been spotted around the SOLDIER floor a few times since Lazard's disappearance, apparently in search of his favorite plaything, but Sephiroth was never around when Hojo stopped by. Good for him.

After taking a quick shower in the locker room, Zack took a helicopter shuttle back to the SOLDIER quarters to drop off his stuff at home before going to Aerith's place. He then hopped on the train to take him down below the plate to the Sector 5 slums and ran the rest of the way to Aerith's house. He had very regular dates with Aerith; seeing as there was not that much else for him to do in terms of missions at the company, he had much more time on his hands than before and they had been getting closer and closer. Often, they would withdraw to Aerith's room rather than going anywhere else, simply to avoid being watched by Turks wherever they went. By this time, her mother had even stopped asking Zack to leave the door open, and they made full use of that. Or so I believe, because I think it is very inappropriate to watch two two teenagers who are clearly enjoying their time alone and away from the world.

Today was no different. Zack found Elmyra gone when he arrived at the house, and Aerith immediately hugged and kissed him as soon as he entered the house. I was happy for them, but at the same time was getting increasingly desperate at not having seen Sephiroth for several weeks and had no idea how he was doing. Somehow, my afterlife had become even more depressing than my life had been and for a moment I was overtaken with grief and homesickness and the desire to disappear yet again as I saw no way I could ever again be embraced by my love the way Zack and Aerith were embracing each other.

Much to my surprise, Aerith's eyes turned to me for the first time in a long while, as she had continued to ignore my presence since that day we tried and failed to communicate in the church. Perhaps she could not sense my presence as clearly when she was not in the church. Or perhaps she did not want to appear suspicious to Zack or the Turks, who were watching her again. And perhaps this time, my feelings were so strong that she simply could not ignore me any longer.

I shrugged it off and looked away as I did not want to appear to be intruding – I had told her before that I had no control over where I was, but I had no idea if she understood that at all and I did not want her to think that I was a creep. Not that it mattered, with me being dead and all, but then she turned back to Zack and asked him straight out: "Say, your friend who passed away recently…. Did he have anyone he cared about very much?" Zack frowned and folded his arms. "What's that all of a sudden?" I folded my arms, too, and we exchanged a quick glance. She folded her hands as if she was praying and explained: "I just thought it would be really hard for them. The anniversary of mom's husband's death was a few days ago and it made me remember what it was like for her when he passed away." Zack scratched his head. "I haven't seen him in a while." She clapped her hands. "Oh, you know him? Can't you go check up on him?"

I finally understood what she was trying to do and was grateful for it, although I had little hope that it would work. Zack sighed and responded: "Sephiroth is… a little difficult." She looked up with confusion all over her face. "Oh… it's Sephiroth?" Zack all of a sudden remembered that time he was in the cafeteria with Sephiroth and he had shown a similarly strange reaction upon seeing her picture. "Why, do you know him?" She slowly shook her head. "Just from the news. I just thought he doesn't seem to be the type to care about other people." It was almost as obvious to Zack as it was to me that this was not the whole truth, and I suppose I should have realized sooner that they must have known each other. Anyone who ever came to the Research Department during the time she had been there with her mother would remember them, the woman with auburn hair and her newborn daughter, who would grow up to be the spitting image of her mother. When I first arrived at the Shinra Building, they had already ran away, and so I never met her in life. But Sephiroth, who had grown up within Shinra and had lived in that same secluded area while they were still there must have known her. Although she was only a small child at the time, she would probably remember the silver-haired boy, and Sephiroth must have recognized her because she looked so much like her mother.

Pulling her close, Zack said: "You know you can tell me if there's anything you want to talk about." He had given up on trying to push her to tell him anything, but he still wanted her to know he was there for her. Wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head against his shoulder, she responded softly: "I know. But it doesn't matter anymore. It's all in the past now." After a short pause, she asked again: "So, can you go and see if he's okay?" Zack sighed and agreed hesitantly. It was not as if he himself did not want to go and see Sephiroth; it had been gnawing at him that the connection he thought they had built up over time was fizzling out again simply because they never saw each other. But Sephiroth was simply too hard to deal with most of the time since he always made Zack feel as if he was bothering him. Perhaps except for that one time during their last night in Wutai, where Sephiroth had cuddled up against his back. Sephiroth had been up already the next morning when Zack woke up and they never spoke about it, so Zack had no idea how to interpret that either.

Needless to say, it pleased me to hear that Zack would at least try one more time to talk to Sephiroth, so that hopefully I could be reassured that he was doing all right. This convinced me that Aerith really could be my last chance to communicate and interact with the world, if only I could make her understand what I needed. Though I really had no idea at this point what it was that was required to make Sephiroth happy. While she and Zack proceeded to her room, my own contemplation finally led me to curse myself for not thinking things through before I left the world. Perhaps I was in no position to complain, seeing as I had selfishly decided to die and leave my most important persons behind. And objectively speaking, their suffering would be the same, whether I was watching or not. But I could never have guessed that I would be forced to watch. Perhaps this was my just punishment for being as selfish as I was, but perhaps I needed to find a way to make amends. And she appeared to be willing to help, although it was technically none of her concern and she had no reason to care or get involved. I could only hope that whatever she came up with would work.