An Android Steals Ramen
Naruto peeped at the building, her eyes scanning for any movement. The guards were snoring away, blissfully unaware of her presence. She gave a nod of approval to herself, her robotic mind calculating the optimal path. Silently, she crept to the entrance of the building and reached for the door knob. She twisted it, but it didn't budge. Her mechanical mind whirred, processing this unexpected obstacle.
Suddenly, one of the thugs stirred, snapping his eyes open. "Who's there!?" he barked, his voice groggy but laced with suspicion.
Naruto's mind raced, frantically searching for a plan. Instead of a brilliant strategy, a lullaby popped into her brain. She hesitated for a split second, then moved closer to the thug, her hand reaching out to pat his head. She began to sing in a flat, mechanical tone:
"Hush, little guy, don't you cry,
I'll put you to sleep with a lullaby.
Dream of Uchiha all burning bright,
In jars their eyes will glow at night.
Close your eyes and count to three,
While I collect your Sharingan spree.
Don't wake up, just stay asleep,
Or I'll add your eyes to my heap."
The thug's eyes fluttered, his confusion turning into a sleepy haze. But it wasn't the creepy lullaby that knocked him out—it was Naruto patting his head at a comically rapid pace, turning the thug's dreams into a nightmare of dizzying head pats.
As the thug slumped back into his slumber, Naruto paused, her mechanical mind pondering. "Who wrote such a disturbing lullaby?" she wondered, but then shrugged. "As long as it works, it's fine with me."
With the thug out cold, she rummaged through his pockets and pulled out a key. She inserted it into the door and unlocked it with a satisfying click. The door creaked open, revealing a dark, grimy staircase leading down into the underground area of the building.
Naruto descended the stairs, her nose wrinkling at the foul smell. The walls were damp and covered in mildew, and the floor was slick with an unknown substance. "Note to self: sanitize after this mission," she thought as she carefully navigated the filthy underground passage.
Eventually, she reached the luxurious first floor. The contrast was striking. Glistening chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and the floor was polished to a gleaming shine. Naruto's eyes were immediately drawn to a strange red liquid in a bottle on a nearby table. Curiosity piqued, she opened her mouth and poured the entire bottle down her throat. She shuddered as the liquid hit her inside.
"Note to self: do not consume unknown colorful liquids," she said aloud, her mechanical tone unwavering despite the odd aftertaste lingering in her mouth.
As she explored the room, she spotted a door marked "Kitchen." A mechanical giggle escaped her lips as she moved toward it, thinking about all the potential ramen inside. But just as she reached for the door handle, she heard footsteps echoing from the stairs behind her.
Naruto froze, her robotic mind shifting gears from snack mode to stealth mode.
Naruto used the latest technique she had learned from Kakashi and clung to the ceiling using her chakra. She waited, silent and still, as the footsteps grew louder. Soon, the door creaked open, revealing a short, rotund man with greasy hair and beady eyes. He wore a robe that strained against his girth, and his face was twisted into a perpetual sneer.
Naruto dropped silently to the ground behind him, landing with a small thud. The man scratched his ample stomach and looked back, but Naruto was now standing beside him. He twisted his head to the right, but Naruto was behind him once more. He spun around left, then right again, eyes wide with confusion, but each time Naruto had already moved, staying just out of his sight. It was like a bizarre game of whack-a-mole, with Naruto popping up in different spots faster than the man's sluggish reflexes could track.
The man finally grunted, dismissing the eerie feeling as a product of his overactive imagination, and turned to the fridge. He yanked the door open and pulled out a can of beer. His sausage-like fingers struggled to open the can, and he muttered curses under his breath.
Naruto, ever the helpful one, stepped forward. "Would you like some assistance?" she asked, her tone flat and mechanical.
The sleepy man blinked at her, his brain clearly not firing on all cylinders. "Sure, kid," he mumbled, handing over the can.
With precise, mechanical movements, Naruto popped the can open and handed it back to him. "Here you go."
The man took a swig and smiled groggily. "Thanks, kid. Goodnight."
"Goodnight," Naruto replied as he turned and shuffled towards the stairs, the kitchen door clicking shut behind him.
Halfway up the stairs, the man froze. His beer-addled brain finally caught up with reality. "Wait a minute… there's someone in the kitchen!" He spun around, bellowing, "You idiots! There's somebody inside the house! How could you let them in?!"
The guards snapped awake, their sleepy eyes darting around as they scrambled into action. Naruto knew she had limited time.
"Ramen," she muttered to herself. "Find ramen and leave. Simple mission." She created ten shadow clones, and they immediately began searching through every cabinet, fridge, and pantry in the kitchen, tearing through the place with frantic efficiency.
But no ramen. Not a single packet. Naruto's mechanical mind began to calculate the diminishing probability of success. Just as she was about to give up, her eyes landed on something miraculous.
Mr. Noodles.
"Noodles," she said, her eyes widening. "Not ramen, but close enough." With a decisive nod, she grabbed half a dozen packets of Mr. Noodles, stuffing them into her pouch.
Hearing the guards approaching, she darted to the window, flinging it open. With a graceful leap, she jumped out into the night, her prize secured. The moonlight bathed her in a silver glow as she landed softly on the ground, sprinting away before the guards could even make it to the kitchen.
As she ran back towards the village, Naruto couldn't help but feel pride in herself. "Mission accomplished. Dattebayo."
TBC