Chapter 4: The Mistake

Claude dragged himself through the front door with a groan. He'd finally finished a long conference at the courthouse and now dreaded going to another one tomorrow. There was much to be discussed with every member of the court system in Paris, since Claude was counting on their support to help persuade the rest of the courts to accept his new protocols. Unfortunately, some of them still had negative attitudes toward those protocols. And even of those who sincerely supported the plans, there were feelings of uncertainty about how they could be enforced throughout France. Claude was exhausted, not only from arguing with people, but also from thinking about how difficult this whole process would be. He hated how demanding his work was at the moment. Even for the Minister of Justice, getting corrupt officials across the country to adapt new ways was no easy task.

His stride was interrupted by a soft headbutt to his leg. Claude looked down to see Djali looking up at him affectionately. He smiled, reaching down to pet the goat.

"Hello, Djali." Claude greeted. "I appreciate you always coming to see me."

Djali nuzzled against him before starting to trot off down the corridor. Claude followed, knowing that the goat's intent was to lead him to Esmeralda. This frequently happened when Djali was around, and Claude found the routine endearing. He loved when the animal greeted him and instinctively led him to the person he most wanted to see. Claude had gone most of his life without feeling loved, so it made him happy to know that even a goat was among those who loved him these days.

They ended up at the door to the bedroom before Djali cheerfully trotted away. Claude couldn't help a slight smile. It seemed as if Djali knew that his human friends needed some time alone together at the end of a long day. It was very sweet.

Claude opened the door to find Esmeralda peacefully sitting on the bed, a book in hand. She looked up with a smile when Claude entered.

"Hello." She said lovingly.

"Hello, my love." Claude greeted. "How was your day?"

"It was good." Esmeralda replied. "I helped Clopin get some chores done, since he's not very good at starting them by himself."

Claude chuckled.

He wasn't surprised that Esmeralda had spent the day helping her brother. She liked to stay busy, which usually meant finding some work to do as a favor to someone. She did that quite often now that she didn't need to spend her days dancing for coins on the street. Claude knew it wasn't a choice that most people would make when given the comfort of wealth, but Esmeralda hated to not be useful. Even though she enjoyed more relaxing activities like reading books, she found them most enjoyable when used as a reward for productivity. Being unproductive for too long felt boring to her.

"How was your day?" Esmeralda asked, returning the question.

Claude sighed, kicking off his shoes and stripping off the outer layers that made up his robes.

"Tiring." He responded. "I'm committed to these plans, but they are certainly not the path of least resistance."

After hanging up his robe, he weakly went to the bed and collapsed onto it with a groan.

Esmeralda put down the book she'd been reading, starting to lie on her side next to Claude and caressing his arm.

"How bad was it today?" She asked with slight concern.

"Only frustrating." Claude replied, closing his eyes in exhaustion. "I'm more concerned about tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that..."

"Are you going to be okay? This sounds like a lot of pressure."

"It is, but I'll be quite alright. I'm passionate about this, it just tires me at times."

Despite her concern, Esmeralda was passionate about this too.

Deep down, she was glad that Claude was working on this project. It was extremely important, and yet no one had else had cared enough to attempt it. Claude was willing to take up the overwhelming task of making sure that everyone was treated fairly by the judicial system. Esmeralda was proud of him for aspiring to that. She only wished that she could do some of the work for him.

But that was impossible. Claude had power in this situation that other people didn't have. No one else was capable of commanding the courts, it was his burden alone to make this change. Esmeralda was sorry to see him exhausted with that burden, but she knew he would be satisfied with his work when it was finally done.

"I wish I could do some of this for you." Esmeralda said sadly.

"Your support is enough." Claude assured. "And I promise, being tired is quite worthwhile for a job this important."

"I'm glad it's worthwhile." Esmeralda commented. "Although, I hope you're not so tired that you don't want to spend time with me."

Claude opened his eyes, smiling.

"Of course I want to spend time with you." He assured.

Esmeralda smiled back before closing the gap between them, kissing him softly.

Claude wished his time with Esmeralda wasn't so limited.

As the days went on, he found himself working more than he wanted to on most days, dealing with stubborn people and working with the willing ones to come up with some kind of plan to make corrupt judges less corrupt. At times, all he could think about was getting home to his wife. Evenings with her were sometimes the only good part of Claude's day.

At the same time, being around Esmeralda seemed to bring another kind of stress. Instead of agonizing over his plans for the country, Claude started to think about his plans for their future. The idea of starting a family was starting to make him nervous.

He still wanted children. He'd wanted that ever since realizing what a gift it had been to raise Quasimodo. Claude had learned in recent times that he liked being a father, and he was excited to become a father once again. He was especially excited to share the experience with the woman he loved, and to love a child who came from both of them.

But the stress that Claude left work with only seemed to follow him into his personal life. The pleasant thought of having children was made less pleasant by the thought of what was necessary for it. Although he hadn't seen someone close to him experience pregnancy, Claude was aware that it was often a challenging thing for women to go through. Knowing Esmeralda, she would handle it well, focusing on the happiness of becoming a mother. But Claude questioned if he'd be able to properly share that happiness with her at a time like this, when work was such a burden on him. And if a baby was to come along, much preparation would be necessary. Preparation that Claude worried he didn't have the mental space for right now.

It was difficult to hide these worries from Esmeralda, but Claude felt he had to for the time being. It wasn't usual for him, he normally told her when something was bothering him because he knew by now that she wanted to support him through every difficult thing. But this was different. He knew how excited she was to have children with him, so he didn't want to upset her by admitting to how uneasy he was feeling about it. Plus, he didn't think this stress would last long. He told himself that work would get easier at some point, and then he would be free to feel happy about starting a family, so there was no need to worry Esmeralda.

But the stress only seemed to worsen by the day, as the opposition to Claude's project became more and more obvious. He received letters from judges all over the country, some willing to hear him out, but most taking offense to his dissatisfaction with court protocols. The question of what it would take to see this through started to drive Claude crazy. He kept trying to tell himself that it wasn't as bad as it looked, but even he knew that was denial.

He started opening mail at the courthouse so he wouldn't be bothered by it at home. Plus, that way he could quickly share any news in a conference, since the news of who was complaining was constant. The letters of opposition weren't even the worst ones. The supportive ones came with pleading, asking the Minister of Justice to realize something: That this project was going to take a long time. The message was repeated in several letters from several different officials, but there was one in which Claude read a line that spelled it out painfully.

If we truly set out to enact these plans, we should expect to see results in a matter of years.

Claude's heart sank as he read it. Years...

Esmeralda tried not to worry about Claude, but that was easier said than done. She saw how tired and frustrated he was over the people he worked with, and it frustrated her that she wasn't able to help more.

Not having any good news was becoming even more of a disappointment over time. Esmeralda longed for the day when she would realize she carried her husband's child, not only for herself, but for him too. She wanted to be able to tell Claude that their dream was coming true, to see him light up at the realization that she wouldn't miss out on being a mother because of him, and that he would get to be a father for the second time. Esmeralda was still saddened that Claude had tried to blame himself for the lack of progress toward that dream. She so wanted to tell him something that could make him happier during this stressful time.

Esmeralda liked to think that she could be somewhat useful. She could show support, but that wasn't nearly as useful as what she really wanted to do, which was to take some of this burden from her husband. It pained her to have to watch him take on so much work with so little assistance. She was actually starting to share some of his stress, getting worrisome thoughts throughout the day and struggling to sleep at night. Esmeralda blamed that rise in stress for the fatigue she was starting to feel.

She started to feel less like herself than usual. Esmeralda was normally energetic, but she began to feel tired and slow, almost as if she were sick. She brushed it off at first, but it became worse within a few days. Moreover, her body was aching.

One afternoon, Esmeralda found herself lying in bed, waiting for Claude to get home so he could comfort her. She had not yet mentioned the way she was feeling to him because it had been forgettable enough, but it no longer felt that way now. She was now starting to get concerned about the apparent sickness she'd come down with due to stress. It felt strange because she knew the stress on her was much less than what Claude was dealing with, and stress hadn't ever had such a physical effect on her in the past. But she could think of no better explanation.

It was alright, she told herself. She'd feel better once Claude was with her. He was good at taking care of her, and he liked to do it, that was why Esmeralda had fallen for him in the first place. She started to smile just at the thought of him coming home and making her day better. He could make her day better without even trying, since having him around automatically made Esmeralda happier. But knowing him, he would try. He would try to make her comfortable and ask what she needed, offering a few different mood-boosting solutions. He did that every month or so at least, since a certain unpleasant time of the month usually put Esmeralda in a less than ideal state.

At that thought, Esmeralda suddenly felt more awake. Every month...

After a moment of fixation, something occurred to her, immediately bringing some of her energy back. Excited, she quickly leapt out of bed and ran down the hallway, making her way toward the front door. But just before she got to it, she was surprised as it opened.

Claude stepped inside the stone walls, shutting the door behind him.

Esmeralda grinned.

"You're early!" She remarked.

Claude smiled weakly.

"Hello, my dear." He greeted.

Esmeralda threw herself toward him, taking him in a hug.

Claude was taken off guard. He knew Esmeralda had been missing him some because of how much he'd been working, but he hadn't expected this much of a reaction to his coming home earlier than usual. Still, he returned the hug, continuing his weak smile for a moment before starting to frown.

"It's so good to see you!" Esmeralda said excitedly when she stepped back.

"It's good to see you too." Claude returned.

Esmeralda suddenly realized that Claude's tone was a sad one, and his expression matched it.

"What's wrong?" Esmeralda asked, her grin disappearing.

Claude looked at her regretfully.

"I need to tell you something." He informed.

Esmeralda started to worry. She knew Claude wasn't living an ideal life these days, but he looked more unhappy than she had seen him in a long time.

"What I'm working on currently..." Claude started. "...is much more complicated than I realized. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but the opposition is even worse than I expected. Even with all the power of my position, it will be an uphill battle to make these men change their minds..."

His voice was full of disappointment. Esmeralda questioned how much Claude was disappointed in. Was it just the stubborn men he worked with, or was he also disappointed in himself? Did he think she was disappointed in him too?

"Do you think I'm disappointed in you?" Esmeralda asked. "Because I'm not. You're trying to do something huge, and I'm proud of you. I'd be proud even if it didn't work."

This wasn't the conversation Claude had intended to start, but this reassurance was something he needed anyway. He truly appreciated Esmeralda's way of finding the words to remind him of her love. She was always good to him, and that made him feel even worse about what he was about to say.

"That means a great deal to me." He said sincerely. "But I have... a worse problem."

Esmeralda started to worry even more.

"What are you saying?" She asked.

Claude hesitated, taking a breath.

"With the amount of resistance I am facing..." He began. "...It will take at least a year just to implement changes of protocol. And after that, it will take even longer to ensure that these power-hungry fools actually do as they promise..."

Claude looked at his wife with sorry eyes.

"I'm saying we shouldn't have a child right now." He explained.

Esmeralda's jaw slightly dropped. She seemed to freeze up in shock.

"...What?" She barely managed.

"This just isn't the right time." Claude insisted. "I have mountains of work to do and judges all over the country thinking I've lost my mind. This is what I'll be spending my energy on for the foreseeable future... I'm already struggling to be around enough for you, and soon that will be even harder. Bringing a child into this situation... It wouldn't be kind."

Esmeralda was speechless. Several seconds passed before her voice started to come out nervously.

"You... You don't want..."

"No, I do!"

Claude took both of her hands desperately.

"Darling," He pleaded. "believe me, I do want a child with you! I want that more than anything! Just not now... Right now it's hard for me to be a good husband, let alone a good father, and that is only going to get worse when I have to see the men I've been writing to. They're not even here yet, and I already feel like punching most of them! I'm stressed, I'm irritable, and I don't know how to give you the support you need. I want to, but..."

Claude stopped, noticing Esmeralda's expression change.

She'd already looked shocked and upset, but now she looked terrified. She was staring at Claude in silence, tears faintly visible in her eyes, frozen as if some kind of danger were in front of her.

Claude instantly realized what was on her mind. Regret came crashing over him.

"Oh God..." He let out in shock. "Esmeralda-"

He was cut off by Esmeralda pulling her hands away from his, rubbing them over her eyes instead before attempting to look at him again. The tears were even more obvious now, despite some being rubbed off.

"I should have started bleeding last week..." Esmeralda revealed. "I just noticed today..."

Claude questioned how he'd missed this. He'd made such a routine of raising her spirits on a monthly basis that the current non-necessity of that seemed like something he should have realized. Had he been too caught up in his work to notice? Perhaps that was too harsh a judgment if even Esmeralda hadn't noticed the absence of her usual hardships, but Claude was still disappointed with himself for not being more attentive. Still, he was far more disappointed with himself because of the words he'd just spoken.

Seeing the look on his wife's face, Claude wasn't even affected by the realization that he was going to become a father at the worst possible time. He was far more concerned about the distress he'd just just caused.

"Darling," Claude said sweetly, laying his hands on Esmeralda's shoulders. "I'm sorry..."

Esmeralda looked down, shaking her head.

"I thought this would make you feel better..." She mumbled. "I thought it would be good news..."

"It is." Claude said in a gentle yet serious tone. "The timing complicates things, but I want this child. This is what we've been praying for."

"But you're stressed, and irritable, and you don't know how to give me the support I need." Esmeralda said disappointedly, struggling to look at Claude again. "Isn't that what you just said?"

Claude wished intensely that he hadn't said those words. He had to find a way to mend this terrible mistake.

"It's true, I don't know how I will do it." Claude admitted. "But I know that I will, like always. I'll always find a way to be whatever you need me to be, no matter the circumstances."

Esmeralda may not have trusted those words if someone else had said them, but she trusted Claude. He was one of the few people she could fully trust to be there for her no matter what. No one had gone above and beyond to make her happy like he had. No one else had looked out for her and cared for her as much as Claude. And most importantly, Claude did want this child. He'd hoped and prayed and talked to Esmeralda at great lengths about having children, always with much happiness and anticipation.

He certainly loved Esmeralda, and he certainly would love the baby they were going to have. It was only because Esmeralda knew that so well that she now allowed him to hold her close, the remainders of her tears drying on his shoulder.

"I'm truly sorry." Claude apologized. "I shouldn't have gotten so ahead of myself..."

"I understand why you did." Esmeralda assured. "I know you just wanted to be ready, to make sure you could be there for me and the baby."

"I will find ways." Claude promised. "It won't be as easy as I wish, but I will."

"I know you will, that's what you do." Esmeralda agreed. "I never really doubted that you'd be there when it came down to that. It's more that... Well, I was just so happy when I realized our efforts paid off, and I wanted you to be happy too..."

Claude slightly broke away from Esmeralda, just enough to look her in the eye.

"Of course I'm happy." He told her, beginning to smile. "Even at the worst time, this is wonderful news. I can't wait to meet our little one."

Esmeralda finally started to smile too.

"Neither can I." She agreed.