Elsa had gone through at least three outfits by now. Anna couldn't help rolling her eyes at all of them.
"How about this?" Elsa announced with a flourish, emerging from her bedroom in a Dark Blue dress. Falling conservatively to the knees. Modest neckline and sleeves. Anna paused and took her in. She looked like an actress out of a 1960s film. And the truth dawned upon her that Elsa would look timeless in any era. 1800s or 1900s or even the next century.
"I told you a hundred times - you're gorgeous in anything. Even sackcloth and ashes."
"Oh, you know I'm doing this for you - I want to make a good impression on your friends."
"They're not really my friends if you ever had to impress anything upon them," Anna chuckled, "besides, this outing is more for you. A big blow-out to celebrate six months of living in the new century!"
Elsa's face fell momentarily before Anna strode over and draped a pearl necklace around her collar. A faint blush spread at how close she was. Deepening to scarlet when Anna uncapped a tube of lipstick and started applying it to her lips. It was impossible not to hold her gaze. Impossible not to feel the unspoken tension between them that passed with each moment of silence. Words hanging in the air neither found fit to let fall. Before that wound strand between them could snap, Elsa took the lipstick and applied it herself.
"You look," Anna's voice trembled, unable to tear them from the glow of Elsa's presence, "beautiful."
"So do you," Elsa replied.
Anna did a twirl in the simplest of Jeans and a Plaid Shirt. Self-professed to make her look like a country-bumpkin out of Iowa. She'd normally wear something more presentable on a Christmas Eve night like this. A slim dress, perhaps. Something showing a little cleavage or thigh and smoky makeup that transformed her appearance. But tonight, for the first time in forever, she wasn't looking to spend the evening with anyone but Elsa.
Anna tensed hard when the Queen stepped closer. Pouty lips touched perfectly with Revlon's "Lustrous Scarlet Creme". She wanted so much to shy away at that seemingly flippant smile and brush of Elsa's fingers to one of her pigtails.
"I like how you did your hair," Elsa whispered, twirling the locks between two fingers, "it makes you look like, well, you."
A flicker of memory passed within the crystal blues she'd gotten lost in. But before she could ask one way or the other about it, Elsa extended the crook of her elbow.
"Shall we?"
"You certainly look excited," Anna giggled.
"Oh! It's been forever since I've been to a ball," Elsa looked skywards, "or a dance. Or just a night out. Things have been so difficult it's a wonder that we still allow ourselves such frivolous festivities."
"Please - I'm sure you'd allow the indulgence, it's Christmas after all!" Anna paused on the driveway, recalling all their rules about protocol and honorifics. To hell with them. She dipped primly and opened the Ford's side door for Elsa. "After you!"
"What a gentlelady!" Elsa still retained her muscle memory, grabbing the hem of an imaginary gown by her ankles and getting in, "and instead of a horse-drawn carriage - I have Anna's marvelous magical cart."
"Car," Anna corrected, getting into the driver's seat, "and instead of Knights in shining armour. You have, well, me."
"You."
If Elsa meant to continue her sentence, Anna didn't see it. Instead soaking in the faint scent of Elsa's hair and the bristling excitement in her skin. It hadn't snowed yet, but Anna still slowed over a depression notorious for accumulating black ice. Shiny surface frozen over from an earlier drizzle. Iridescent red and violet rainbows from the looming sunset over the horizon. The steering wobbled and Elsa clung to her seat. Eventually, the forests and sprawling suburban mansions gave way to the lights of Bethesda. Omnipresent hum in the air as people trotted the streets revelling on a Christmas eve. On an ordinary Christmas Eve, Anna would've thrown herself headlong into the thick of it. She wouldn't even have driven. Let alone calmly explain the rules of their night out to an attentive passenger.
"Listen, Elsa," Anna parked outside a bar, "it might get a little loud inside."
"I've had my ears blown out by artillery before."
"No, I mean - there's lots of people. All shouting and stuff. It's gonna be rowdy, and um," Anna fidgeted with her keys, "they will be serving alcohol."
Elsa cocked an eyebrow, "Are you worried about me?"
"I wouldn't be your escort if I didn't worry about you," Anna choked back a giggle, "but yes. You. And also myself. Please stop me if you see me drinking too much because I'm not supposed to drink and drive."
"You can't drive this magical cart after a few drinks?"
"Car. And yes, I can't. It's illegal and the police make you blow in a tube and do a little dance on the roadside. It's awful."
"Sounds awful," Elsa covered her mouth in a giggle, "Looks like I'm gonna be your escort for tonight then."
"We can escort each other! I'm proud to be your escort."
Before she could react, Elsa had already gotten out of the car and opened the door for her. Feigning an extraordinary bow that varied wildly from what she'd known Elsa as. She couldn't help but burst into a round of giggles until she saw the signboard outside Cavalier Bar. Lit by red and green neon lights.
Christmas Karaoke. One song per drink minimum. No exceptions!
A god-awful rendition of Santana's Smooth was already streaming from the doorway and Anna felt suddenly faint. She turned to leave, only to be blocked by Elsa's full height.
"What's the matter?" Elsa sneered, "And what on earth is that performance? It sounds like a chicken slaughterhouse."
She opened her mouth to answer before hearing her name screamed from the parking lot. Anna Sullivan!
Oh no, not Carol.
Dark skin gleamed under the Christmas lights. Huge afro hairdo tied back with a rainbow-bandana. Platform boots and a sequin miniskirt. She'd been an Army cook at Fort Bragg and it never ceased to amaze Anna how glamorous Carol could look on a night out. All her fears blew out in a huge, squishy hug. Unfortunately, Carol launched into a series of colourful expletives at the sight of Elsa's prim self.
"Goddamn woman, you didn't tell me you'd been fucking a supermodel! Is this the reason why we've stopped seeing yo' pretty ass in town? "
"No wait-"
"Hot damn!" Carol gawked at Elsa, up and down, "I'm sorry ma'am, my manners. I'm Carol and I keep Anna's ass out of trouble and her pussy in business."
"I'm Elsa," Elsa curtsied and shook her hand, "it's lovely to meet you."
"The class on this bitch!" Carol squealed, "Where'd you fish this one out of? New England?"
Anna had turned a vibrant shade of red by this point, "Wait, Carol, listen - this is my sister from Norway. She, um-"
"Sister?" Carol screamed, clutching onto Elsa's elbow and dragging her into the venue, "Well, ma'am, I hope you're ready to party because I'm your sister for tonight. A sista' from anotha' momma-"
"That's terrific," Elsa raised her voice over the din and turned to Anna, "though you might have to explain what she meant."
"It means she feels the common thread that binds women from-" Another two girls collided into Carol in one huge hug, practically lifting her off her feet, "y'know what, never mind. Just enjoy yourself."
Elsa lost none of the regal poise in her stature as she stood tall surveying the bar. Filled with women. More than a few glances already thrown her way. Deluge of colourful lights and sounds and the heady scent of boozy perfume. Anna watched her posture stiffen. Curled her fingers around Elsa's elbow and gave her a squeeze. The Queen visibly relaxed. Just in time for more women to pour in and throw Anna a series of high fives. Before long, Anna's old friends from the army had formed a line to introduce themselves. She could scarcely hear them say their names above the blaring of Aerosmith and Madonna. Had to force back that simmering tension when more than one of them stood on tiptoes and whispered in Elsa's ear. Each brush of their fingertips on Elsa's elbow more than evident through the dim lights.
She'd finally managed to pry herself out of Carol's drinking game and Elsa from an overeager dyke towards the bar.
"This is part of my integration plan - learning how to navigate the complexities of buying a drink at a bar," Anna handed Elsa some money, "go to the bartender and ask her for two lemon sodas."
"Sounds easy enough," Elsa muttered, hollering at the bar, "Bar Wench! I bid you bring us two lemon sodas!"
The bartender flashed an almighty sneer at Anna. Tapping the sign glaring at them both. Christmas Karaoke. One song per drink minimum. No exceptions!
"As much as we are friends," the bartender sniggered, "this is the worst shift of the year and I'm not leaving until I hear Anna Sullivan embarrass herself."
"I can do it," Elsa suddenly turned, the slight crease of her lips every time she'd been faced with something new or exciting, "I want to do it. I haven't sung in ages."
"What? Do you even know-"
"Attention!" the bartender shouted, "We got a singer!"
"No, no, no - wait. She can't-!"
Before Anna could protest any further, she's shoved to the front amidst a ruckus of cheering. Anna shook with trepidation at the Queen perched before a crowd. Someone scrolled through the screen before Elsa's eyes. Flashing vibrant yellow and green and bordering on confusion. Oh no, she's going to snap. Her throat tightened. Just as Anna decided she'd march over and put an end to their shenanigans - Elsa perked upright. She could barely hear her over the mess.
"Oh! I know this song!"
You do? How is that even possi-
Her thoughts seized up as Elsa's voice filled the bar. Conversations halted in their tracks. Necks craned.
Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh.
"Hey!" yelled an inebriated Carol from across the bar.
Despite the antiquated sound system, Elsa's voice flowed like honey. Back in the house, she'd been entranced by even the faintest, absent-minded singing Elsa did in the shower. But this - before a crowd. Hands outstretched and voice lifted to her audience. It filled Anna with giddy pride and yet - still felt like a performance meant for many. She snickered to herself as that familiar strand of jealousy crept into her soul and told herself off for being a little toxic bitch.
"Anna," a voice crept into her ears. Followed by an arm around her waist. She'd recognise that deep drawl anywhere.
"Marie."
Anna edged away from her touch. Short-clipped brown hair. Bomber jacket and curves hidden behind a snug-fitting tank top. She'd worn smoky eyeshadow that just screamed to be taken home. Her skin frazzled with annoyance.
"That your new girl?" Malice dripped off Marie's tongue, "She's hot. No wonder you haven't been replying me."
"Sister!" Anna repeated for the dozenth time, "And why would it matter to you anyway? Of all people - god-"
She shifted further away, before hitting her back against the bar's wall. Shit. Elsa had been hijacked by Carol for a round of darts. God I hope they don't make her drink. A hand on Anna's chin swept her attention back. She narrowed her vision on Marie's sultry green eyes. A thigh hitched against her waist and Anna cringed inside from the memory of how such a gesture would normally make her feel.
"Don't fucking touch me," Anna snarled, shoving Marie's thigh away.
"Spicy," Marie commented. She leaned closer and whispered. Her voice made it through the laughter and music. Sounds Anna would've relished in. Now poisoned by the sound of one woman's voice who reminded her of all the ways she chose to numb her pain.
"Did you learn that from your - sister?" Marie asked, curt drawl hitting her the exact same moment as Elsa's eyes, "Or did you just learn how to be a helluva good liar-"
Anna threw her weight forward and backed Marie off, "You're one to know!"
"If you can't be truthful on your way in, at least be honest with your own fucking self," Marie leaned in again, hand clamped around Anna's waist, "did you, or did you not, block my number?"
All the hairs bristled on her spine. No matter how hard she dug her nails into Marie's knuckles, she couldn't pry them off.
"Answer me!"
"No," Anna fought off the ache at what it meant, "No, I didn't."
"See? You don't have it in yourself to walk away," Marie released her grip, "And you'll come crawling right back when that pretty blonde bitch of yours leaves-"
"Shut your fucking mouth!" she meant to slap Marie - but drew back at the last moment. Not wanting to cause a scene. The brunette scoffed. She'd already backed off.
"You're just holding out for someone better," Marie started walking away, "girls like you always come back."
Before she could spew another torrent of hatred, Marie walked away. Anna's left with her back against the wall fighting off the prick of tears. Feeling like a piece of trash left on the curb. It'd always been the sharpest weapon that pierced her while they were together: that never-healed wound of her self-esteem. Torn wider each year she'd languished beneath her father's absence and her mother's harsh expectations. Cold years she had no one but bad role models to look up to. That's what drew her to Marie in the first place, hadn't it? Just an ill-fated fling that made her feel good for once. And boy, had she gotten hooked like a fiend on crack.
Through the heel of her palm she looked over at Elsa and pondered all that they'd shared so far. The intoxicating ease of her company. Every tightly-wound minute of tension and affectionate word that sent her head floating into the clouds. Had it all been a crock of shit? Another woman who so easily manipulated her confidence. Elsa can't be like that, surely - she's an ancient Queen who's only good at politicking and fielding lies from royals.
Oh shit.
It only took once glance from the Ice Queen for the simmering doubt to clear from her head. Elegant footsteps striding through the crowd and pulling her by the hand for that darkened raincloud to lift. I've never met such a merry band of women as your friends. Who knew a night out could be such boisterous fun without the burdens of Aristocracy and stifling protocol? Carol promptly demanded Anna down a glass of lemon vodka as punishment for her sister losing a round of darts. Only for Elsa to snatch the glass mid-sip and announce, in Victorian English, all the perils of driving under the influence of drink.
"Your sister talks funny!" Carol yelled.
Anna looked over her shoulder. Fuck it, we're supposed to be having fun. Before downing the rest of the glass and evoking a shrill scream from Elsa.
In all, it'd taken another game of darts. A poor attempt at teaching Elsa billiards (which she'd referred to as the game of pretentious French nobles). An even clumsier impromptu line dance session before they swiftly reached the designated NSA Curfew time of 10pm. Anna had to pry Elsa out of Carol's hands on the dance floor. Hollering on the top of her voice that she'd better write a raincheck for bailing on them early. Elsa was still a fit of giggles when Anna bundled her into the car, despite supposedly not having consumed a drop of alcohol. But a sullen silence had fallen the moment they'd pulled onto the freeway.
She could see the questions written on Elsa's face. Endlessly curious and forthcoming with all the marvels of their modern world. Yet this question remained locked away. Behind pursed lips and folded arms. She'd never tried to get past this lock. Didn't know what key to use with a woman like Elsa.
"I hope you enjoyed your evening," Anna ventured.
"I did, yes."
"Look - I-I know something's bothering you," Anna forced her eyes on the road, marked by the first wisps of snow and dim streetlights, "if you want to ask me something. Just - ask."
"And you'd be honest about the answer?"
Anna's heart shrank, "I did promise my honesty, didn't I?"
"Who was that woman you were talking with?"
She saw the question coming a mile away. But it still hurt like a gut punch.
"A friend," Anna sighed, "well, an intimate friend."
"I'm not a child," Elsa shot at her, "you were lovers, weren't you?"
"Well, yes."
"Your ride-or-die lady."
Anna's face fell, "That's what I thought. Apparently not so."
"And such things are practiced between women in this age? In the open?"
Every part of Anna wanted to shrivel up into herself. She persisted with the cold hard facts, "For the most part, it's accepted that people should be free to pursue relationships with whomever they prefer. Even of the same gender."
"And you've such inclinations," Elsa flicked her head over, "towards women."
The question caught Anna by surprise and tightened that knot around her throat, "Um, I'd suppose so - but I mean-"
"As much as I've discovered all manner of profanity in the English language tonight, words unsaid but in our movements haven't changed much in two hundred years," Elsa observed, voice drifting like a melody, "you've obviously had some sort of disagreement with your lover tonight."
"Ex-lover."
"I assume she broke your heart in the past then."
The point-blank jab stung like a poisoned arrow.
"Look, Elsa - I didn't plan to run into her tonight-"
"You don't have to say another word," Elsa's tone softened, "I know what a broken heart feels like. And I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Not even Napoleon."
Anna swallowed back the tears. Just a few minutes away from reaching home. The place where Anna could bury the memory of Marie and every bit of poison she'd unwillingly swallowed tonight. But as she pulled into the driveway - felt Elsa's gaze washing over her anew.
"Least of all someone like you."
The frail silence between them felt fragile as a pane of glass when they stepped into the living room. Tension crested with the clink of Elsa's purse on the kitchen table. It wound tighter, on the verge of shattering when Elsa turned with unspoken questions written on her face.
"I'm not heading to bed yet," Elsa whispered, as though she were afraid of the answer, "the atmosphere at the bar has left me a little shaky, perhaps we might-"
"-hot chocolate?"
Elsa chortled, "You read my mind."
The mood softened somewhat, as Anna took her loving sweet time to warm a pan of milk and cocoa. All the while with Elsa's loving gaze slathered all over her. Sprigs of peppermint and toasted marshmallows completed their mugs. It tasted like heaven. A slice of the 19th century that lit Elsa's face up as she took a sip.
"Mmm, this is delicious," Elsa swept a tongue over the foam on her lips, "I worried your mood would've been soured by her presence, but here you are making hot chocolate like nothing's happened."
Anna sighed, "I'm not gonna let her ruin my Christmas Eve, but sometimes - y'know. I can't help but remember all the bad memories. Especially when she's there."
Elsa's face fell, "You still fancy her?"
"Definitely not," Anna looked away, "but perhaps she reminds me of a weaker person. Still striving for approval, forever doomed to seek redemption for my mistakes."
The words appeared to sting Elsa. She visibly shifted against the counter. "You know you're not that kind of person, right?"
"Very generous of you," Anna tipped her mug at her, "but at the same time - I fear it'd live inside me until the day I die."
"We're not past growing above our faults," Elsa mused, "in our short time together you've taught me so much about forgiveness and moving on from self-doubt."
Anna set her mug aside, "If you don't mind bringing up a past hurt. Was it a suitor who spurned you? Did he-"
"She."
The singular word clenched at Anna's chest. "Oh."
"One of the courtly ladies. Ingrid Becken. Wedded to my Interior Minister," Elsa's eyes glazed over and she swallowed, "we spent a long time fancying each other from afar. One day she wrote me a letter - in thinly veiled language that spoke of her admiration for me. I never knew I'd craved for this type of affection for so long that I just rushed headlong into it without regard for the consequences."
"You were lovers?"
"For a time, yes. In secret."
A pang of jealousy stabbed through Anna and it showed on her face. Fingers curled into their palms. None of the research material mentioned this affair and she felt sideswept by the revelation, "What happened?"
"Ingrid wasn't who she made herself out to be," Elsa sighed, "she worked for Russian Foreign Intelligence."
"Oh my god-"
"I had to watch my men put her head on a stick. And exile one of my best ministers. Do you see why I have a problem with trusting people?"
Their eyes met across the dim kitchen space lit by the glow of the oven's light. A part of Anna wondered what the NSA would make of this conversation. Or if they were planning to manipulate her to their whims. But all of Anna's heart quickly swelled with Elsa. Two hundred years apart and facing the same struggles. She found herself compelled closer. A hand on Elsa's elbow. Her touch soft. Skin warm. She gently took the empty mug from her hands. Elsa looked down at the fingers curled around her arm.
"A-are you taking my temperature for today?" Elsa smiled.
"No," Anna looked into her eyes, "no I'm not. I'm just - touching you."
"Very well then, I am touched," Elsa whispered, words rolled off her lips like honey. Anna turned away and busied herself with the washing while Elsa wandered to the living room. Out of nowhere, the melody of Jingle Bells played softly. The Queen had started up the radio of her own volition. A buzzy warmth crept into their shared space. It wasn't the alcohol for sure. It was Elsa. Slouched into a chair and unable to let go of this newfound connection between two souls suspended across the gulf of time. Their eyes drew to each other once Anna stepped into the living room.
"Actually, Anna - I do have one more question to round off our evening. A request, if you will," Elsa asked, knees together and hands clasped, "I don't know if this is the right time to ask - but, could I have the honour of a dance with you?"
Anna studied the expression on her face. The slouched posture. Eyes that bore the fear of rejection and fervent anticipation of acceptance in equal and insurmountable forces. The word yes nearly exploded from Anna's throat, but she wanted to cradle this moment like a porcelain dove.
"Of course!" Anna dried off her hands, "But - in our living room? And I scarcely know how to dance, at least not the kind of dancing you're used to."
Elsa stood to her full height. The blue dress's fabric clung to her hips as she gave the slightest of curtseys with an outstretched hand.
"You've taught me so much about this modern world," Elsa's eyes met hers, "I suppose it's only fitting I teach you a part of mine."
They drifted towards each other like a pair of magnets. North. South. Modern. Ancient. Two parts of the same whole that fitted together with a clunk and the gasp of a held breath. Anna looked at her tensioned arm slowly relaxing in Elsa's grasp. Wondered what on earth she did to be rewarded with the blissful proximity of Elsa's presence. The wisp of a vanilla-scented breath that ghosted over her collarbone. Icy blue eyes that reached down to her core. Whatever dance Elsa had meant to teach, she was certain it didn't come from the 19th Century. They pressed together like lovers, Anna's forehead found the crook of Elsa's neck like it was made for her. Swaying gently to the music that lived for two hundred years and still found itself given a breath of new life like Elsa did.
Through half-lidded eyes, Anna made out the kitchen clock striking twelve.
"It's midnight," Elsa whispered, "Merry Christmas."
"If you want to open your present right now," Anna whispered back, "I'm gonna have to admit that I hadn't bought you one."
They parted slightly, just enough space for them to meet each other's gazes. Misty with longing and the unspoken words which hung by a frayed thread. Elsa shifted her hand lower and tightened her grasp as if she meant to make a point. Anna tried to gasp and found she'd been holding her breath the entire time. With the pad of a thumb, Elsa grazed away the tear upon Anna's cheek. There was nothing friendly about this gesture. No way she could revisit this moment and imagine it as something else. No alternate timeline where she wouldn't have leaned in and crossed the line of no return.
"I already have the best present in the whole world," Elsa leaned closer, lips a hair's breadth from meeting hers, "I've spent the last six months with her."