Title: From Out of the Darkness 5/9
Author: Forsaken2003
Pairing: S/X
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon
Comments: Always welcomed!
Summary: Spike finds Xander living in New Orleans. What could have happened to caused him to up and leave his friends?
Warnings/Spoilers: Post Season 2 Becoming Part 2
Beta'd by: My sister

Part Five

The rest of the night Xander was distant and Spike hated it. Things between them had gotten so much better and now it was like they were back to square one. Well, if Spike got his way it was not going to stay this way.

Just after midnight Spike paid his tab and left. Xander tried to ignore the pang in his chest. Over the last couple months Spike not only stayed until closing but would walk Xander home the nights he decided he didn't want to drive. He fucked up another friendship. Maybe this was a sign that he wasn't meant to get close to anyone. Maybe living a life alone wouldn't really be that bad.

By the time the club closed Xander was ready to climb into his bed and hide from the world until Monday night. He locked the back door and when he turned around he almost jumped out of his skin. Spike was standing there a lit cigarette dangling from his fingers. "Jesus Christ! What are you doing here? You left hours ago."

"I needed a bite to eat. And we need to talk."

"I'm too tired for this, Spike. I need to go home to sleep and lick my wounds." He was so emotionally drained Xander thought he was going to pass out.

Spike finished his cigarette and smashed it against the brick wall before tossing it on the ground. "You're not going anywhere until we talk."

There was no milk carton crate this time for Xander to sit on so he slid down and sat on the small step in front of the door. "What is there to talk about, Spike? Do you want to tell me that I'd never have a chance with you? That I'm stupid for even thinking that?"

"No," Spike said as he came over to Xander and crouched down in front of him. "I've been wondering what your lips would feel like against mine. Thinking the only way I would find out was for me to make the first move but I was too bloody afraid I'd scare you off and you would disappear and I'd never see you again."

"What?" Xander didn't understand what Spike was saying. He had to be hearing things, right?

Spike's eyes for soft. "I have been infatuated with you since I found out what you did last year." Spike made sure not to say Sunnydale. "I'm the bad guy and shouldn't have these feelings for someone who saved the world but I do and I can't do anything about it and even if I could I don't fucking want to. I regret not kissing you back but I couldn't believe it was actually happening."

"So... if I were to kiss you right now what would you..." Xander was cut off by Spike's lips. His eyes widened in surprise but soon they fluttered close. Xander's eyelashes tickled Spike's cheek. He nipped at Xander's bottom lip asking for entrance which he was quickly granted. He felt Xander's hand in his hair. Usually he was protective of his hair but right now Spike didn't care as long as Xander didn't let go.

Once they pulled away Xander was panting slightly, his eyes dilated. "Way better than the first kiss."

Spike hauled Xander up off the ground. "Well, it isn't supposed to be a spectator sport." He took Xander's hand and started to walk in the direction of Xander's apartment.

"Look, Spike, I like you but I'm scared. I have a voice in my head yelling at me that I don't deserve this. That I don't deserve to be happy. I don't know if it's ever going to go away." Xander was feeling so vulnerable.

Stopping Spike placed his hand on Xander's cheek. "I guess it's a good thing that I can be loud as well. I can drown it out."

Xander's lips twitched in amusement. "You just want an excuse to yell at me."

"Only with positive things and you can have a kiss when I'm done."

Compliments and kisses. Xander never got that with Cordy. Kisses yes. Compliments no. That just wasn't their relationship. Could he really have something like that with Spike? Xander was lost in thought that he didn't realize they were at his place. They were just standing there, Spike waiting patiently. Something that he'd only ever been with Drusilla.

Xander suddenly felt guilty. He had been so focused on the walls he had built he forgot that Spike had lost Drusilla. "Have you heard from Drusilla?"

"What?" Spike was thrown by the question.
"I was just thinking of Cordy and that made me think of Drusilla.

The way Xander's brain worked boggled Spike. He just realized that he hadn't thought much of Dru recently. Yeah, his plan was to use Xander as a distraction but he didn't think it would work that well. "I haven't and I probably won't for another decade or so. She's good at holding a grudge. Not that it matters. I'm too young and hot to wait for her. I'll always love her and she'll always be my sire but we're done. I told you that first night that that chapter of my life is over and I meant that."

"Young? Okay, great grandpa." Spike's answer gave Xander comfort that he didn't know he needed.

Spike tried not to be insulted. He was the youngest of his family. "I noticed you didn't disagree about me being hot."

Xander rolled his eyes at Spike's cockiness. "Like I said you're not as hot as you think you are."

"And we both know that you are lying." Spike pulled Xander closer by the hips. He kissed Xander passionately. When he pulled away his eyes were glowing yellow. "Invite me up."

Xander licked his lips. "Not happening, Blondie." He saw the hurt look on Spike's face. "Not tonight. I'm still a..." This was so embarrassing.

Spike knew what Xander was trying to say and Spike was surprised. "You're a virgin?" He couldn't believe it. "You and the cheerleader never?"

"Only over the clothes stuff. I wanted to but now after everything I'm glad we didn't. It would have sucked to have my first time be with someone who didn't trust or defend me."

"Her lose is my gain." Spike wasn't going to push Xander into anything but he did want Xander to know that it was his intention to be his first now knowing.

Xander kissed Spike again before pushing him away. "Why don't you come here after sunset tomorrow? We could order pizza and watch a movie?"

It was such a mundane thing that normally Spike would reject but Xander was inviting him into his home for the first time and Spike would be damned if he was about to say no. "I'll bring the beer."

"Sounds like a date," Xander replied with a goofy grin that at one point in time Spike would have found annoying and would have wanted to dunk Xander's face in a deep fryer if one was available but now he just found it adorable.

"It is definitely a date, pet." With one last peck on the lips Spike disappeared into the night.

Xander would normally sleep until three in the afternoon but not today. He had some cleaning to do. Not that his apartment was necessarily dirty but he was wanted it to look nice for Spike. He couldn't have Spike thinking he was a slob.

Spike was coming over a for a date. With Xander. Spike wanted to have sex. With Xander. What alternate universe was Xander living in that he wanted both of those things? It didn't matter because if this was an alternate universe he never wanted to go back.

After the cleaning was done, Xander ran to the nearest convenience store to pick up some snacks. Pizza was all well and good but a growing boy like himself needed Doritos and Twinkies! By the time Xander got out of the shower there was a knock at the door. He looked at the clock and didn't realize it was so late. Keeping a firm hold on the towel around his waist Xander raced to the door and yanked it open. He found Spike standing there, his mouth hanging open.

"This is a good look on you, pet." Spike watched as a droplet of water slowly made it's way down Xander's chest, to his taut stomach until it hit the towel that was hiding the goods. His eyes roamed Xander's body before coming and meeting Xander's. "I hope you don't greet everyone in this attire."

Xander ran his hand through his damp hair. "I'm running a little behind. Come in and make yourself comfortable."

"Lucky me," Spike commented as he walked through the entry now that the invisible barrier was gone. "I don't suppose you need help getting dressed?" He leered at Xander. "Or just stay in the towel. It won't bother me none."

"Nice try bleach head." Xander turned and went to his room.
Spike pouted slightly. "You're no fun!" He found the kitchen easily. The place was on the small side but with Xander being the only one who lives there it's not like he need an excessive amount of space. He placed the beer in the fridge but not before he pulled two out. When he came back to the living room Xander was back wearing black joggers and a grey wife beater. Did Xander look bad in anything these days? "Beer?"

"I'm not old enough." That was a lame excuse. It's not like anyone else was going to know. Spike raised an eyebrow at him. "My dad's a drunk."

Spike didn't try to pressure Xander to drink. Obviously there was more to that sentence but he decided not to ask. Had there been anything good in Sunnydale for Xander? "I guess that just means more for me."

Xander took one of the beers from Spike and returned it to the kitchen coming back with an orange soda for himself. "Should we order pizza?"

"Nothing with garlic." Spike hated that thought of Xander smelling let alone tasting of garlic.

"No garlic knots. Got it." Xander ordered a meat pizza from a local pizzeria.

Xander's movie collection was less than lackluster. He had a total of three movies and they were all Star Wars. Spike stopped himself from getting mad. Did he look like some nerd who watched this crap?

"Sorry, I've been meaning to get some new movies."

"No, it's fine."Spike reply was a clear lie. He was a vampire not an actor!

Xander bit his lip. "We could see if anything else playing on TV."

Xander biting his lip should have been turning Spike on but the fact that he was embarrassed had the opposite effect. "You know, I've never seen them before."

"Spike, we don't have to," Xander answered. "This is supposed to be fun for both of us."

"Tell me something." Spike moved closer to Xander. "Are these your favourite movies?"

Xander's eyes lit up. "Oh yeah."

"Then I want to watch them."

"Really?" Xander watched Spike nod. He became excited. "I haven't watched them with anyone since Jesse!"

Spike's brow furrowed. "Who's Jesse?"

"Oh…" Xander's face fell. "He was my best friend. Him, Willow and I were inseparable."

"Why have I never met him? Did he move?" Spike was curious but he began to worry when tears formed in Xander's eyes. He pulled Xander into his arms. He had not hugged someone this much since his human days. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

Xander wrapped his arms around Spike's waist holding him tight so much so that if Spike was human he would be worried about being hurt. "I killed him."