"Heart to heart, lift me up. S.O.S. I'm so in love. You and I can't deny, me and you. Heart to heart, day and night I can't get you off my mind. Let me know if you feel it too."

I was singing as I walked down the streets of Ponyville on my way to the local watering hole. It had been three whole days since my first date with Zecora, and I was still on cloud nine. Even Scarlet noticed that I was acting a lot happier than I normally did. When I told her about my date, she was over the moon happy for me.

When I saw Zecora in her normal form the next day, I walked up to her, leaned down and kissed her. Zebra form or not, I was beginning to slowly grow accustomed to finding non-humanoid figures attractive, and she was definitely up there in terms of attractivness. She happily kissed me back and we'd spent the day together. We mixed a few new potions, watched some Earth media, then went for a walk through Ponyville, just talking, laughing, and basically enjoying each other's company. I invited her to see the Ponyville School Talent Show with me, and she happily accepted, joking that it was a step down for a second date before jabbing me gently with her hoof to indicate it was a joke.

On the second day, I prepared a picnic for the two of us, and we spent the day in one of the fields just adjacent to Sweet Apple Acres. There, we not only got a great view of Ponyville and the surrounding landscape, but we also got to enjoy the sweet smell of the nearby orchard and their apples. We talked for a lot longer than I'd expected, and evening rolled around quickly. I escorted her home, kissed her goodnight, and flew back home.

On the third day, I decided to surprise my new girlfriend by treating her to an all-day beauty treatment at Ponyville Day Spa, something that greatly surprised her. The two owners, Lotus Blossom and Aloe Vera, offered to give me the same treatment at no extra charge, but I politely declined since I wasn't too comfortable with a Pony massaging me. After promising Zecora I'd be back to pick her up at around five in the afternoon, I went out for a drink at the local bar which Rainbow Dash had told me about.

It was called the Misty Pony, she told me, and it was apparently run by a foreign Pony from overseas. I hadn't had any alcoholic beverages since coming to Equestria and I wondered how they compared to the various drinks I'd had back on Earth.

"Ah, welcome monsieur. Ai was wondaireng when you'd come visit," an older gruff looking brown Unicorn stallion welcomed me in a suspiciously French-type accent. He had a small mustache that reminded me of Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

I grinned, trying not to laugh at his accent, which sounded somewhat fake. "Figured I'd come check it out. Haven't had a drink of alcohol since I got here."

"Final-lee got awai from yur zebra paramour, did you?" he snorted.

"Nah, I just gave her a spa day," I chuckled as I looked at the choices on a small menu placed in front of me.

"You spoil la young mademoizélle. Good." the stallion grinned.

"Anything to make her happy," I replied. Pointing to the menu, I asked, "What would you recommend for someone who hasn't had a good drink since coming to this world of yours?"

"Fair you, monsiéur, ai récomménd our cognac. Impairtéd diyairect-lee from Prancé and eez oh, zo deléctabuhl," he replied.

"Cognac it is, then," I said as I put the menu down.

"Oui, monsieur," he said as he began to prepare the drink.

"When you're done with that, could you get me another one of my usual," a slurred female voice replied as someone sat beside me.

"Oui, mademoizélle. Strawbairry Piña Coltlada," the stallion said without looking back.

"Thanks, Moon Shine," she said.

Turning to face the mare, I saw she was a Pegasus with light gray fur and a golden blonde hair and mane. She looked familiar and only took me a few moments to place her, not only from the show, but from my own personal experience. I snapped and pointed at her. "You're the mailmare who delivered my letters when I was still in the Everfree, aren't you?"

She turned to me, an eyebrow raised. She was swaying slightly in the chair, focusing one eye on me while the other one moved around lazily. "I remember you," she slurred again, her good eye looking at me in recognition. "You're that alien."

I smiled. "Jethro Bethridge," I said, extending my hand.

"Derpy Ditzy Doo," she replied, taking my hand with her hoof and shaking it woozily.

"A middle name, huh? Haven't met a Pony who's had one of those yet," I observed as we broke hand and hoof contact.

"Yeah, it happens," Derpy said, before taking a deep breath and sighing.

A few minutes later, the stallion Derpy had called Moon Shine handed us our drinks. I took a sip and was surprised at how well it went down. Beside me, Derpy took a long gulp and pretty much slammed the glass down. "Damn them all to Tartarus," she practically snarled in a presumably drunken rage.

Whoa, that's not the carefree Derpy I remember from that one episode, I thought. Then again, she is drunk.

However, before I could say anything, Moon turned to her. "Zéy waire bélit-tellng you again, wairen't zey?"

"When are they not?" Derpy moaned, putting her head in her hooves. "It's so frustrating…"

"You know you're smartair than zem. Why do you put up wiv eet?" Moon asked.

She lay her head on the table, looking up at Moon. "It's the only job that'll hire me," she said. "If it wasn't for this shitty eye…" She hit her hoof on the bar. "Why me…?"

"Sounds like you've had a pretty fucked up day," I said sympathetically, reaching into my pocket and pulling out my bit pouch. "Today's drinks are on me."

The mare looked at me with a raised eyebrow, but then grinned before slugging my arm gently. "You're alright, mister alien sir," she said as she hit the bar table again. "Another one, Moony!" As Moon Shine made her another drink, a group of Pegasi entered, talking and laughing. I recognized their uniforms as belonging to the Wonderbolts. The moment they entered the bar, my new drinking companion stiffened. "Sweet Celestia…not here…"

"Well, look at what we have here, fillies and gentlecolts," one of them, an orange and yellow furred stallion with bright yellow eyes said with a not-too-kind smirk, "we've found ourselves the lazy-eyed screw up."

I couldn't help it. Standing up for the little man, or in this case, the misfit mare, was something I thrived in. But I was also not foolish enough to properly antagonize them. Not directly, anyway. I reached up and put my hand on Derpy's mane, running my hand through it. "So, where'd you like to go after this, Miss Doo?" I asked kindly.

To my surprise, her lazy eye began correcting itself thanks to me stroking her mane. Honestly, this mare was adorable already, but she became absolutely gorgeous when her eyes righted.

"And she has a freak new friend to boot!" he snickered. "Two peas in a pod! A useless lazy-eyed mare and the alien!" The others with him laughed along with him.

I could handle being insulted easily enough, but when someone insulted someone else simply based on something out of their control, I found it harder to hold back. "How about we go somewhere where the dust doesn't talk?" I smirked.

When silence fell over the bar's denizens, Derpy threw back her head and laughed. It was a fairly melodious and mirth-filled laugh. And it sounded like it was something she needed. While the newcomers were staring at me, now with looks of anger, she looked back at me. "Someplace without the newly arrived filth sounds perfect, my good stallion."

"Why don't we finish our drinks, then?" I asked, holding up my glass towards her. "Down the hatch!"

She grabbed her new drink, handed to her by a now smirking Moon Shine, and grabbed it with her surprisingly prehensile wings. "Cheers."

The two of us downed our drinks quickly, then I slammed down a number of gold bits on the table. "Is that enough for everyone but the dirt?" I asked.

"Eet eez! Thank you, monsiéur!" Moon grinned as he took the bits and placed them in his register.

"Well then, shall we go, Miss Doo?" I asked, grinning at her.

She hopped off the barstool and looked up at me. "Lead the way, my good stallion!"

"Not so fast, alien," their leader, the first one who'd insulted Derpy, said as I passed. He put his hoof on my shoulder.

I looked down at him with a harmless smile. "Yes? Something I can help you with, my little Pony?"

I heard snickers from the other bar's denizens. The stallion's eyes narrowed at me. "Aren't you forgetting to say something to us?" His companions nodded in agreement as they started to surround me.

I rubbed my chin thoughtfully, looking up at the ceiling. "Hmmm…am I? Let's think here…ah! Yeah, how about this: try and keep your noses out of the dirt. I mean, you are what you eat, after all."

Derpy laughed as the leader's expression darkened. He pointed a hoof at my chest, poking it none too gently. "You. Me. Outside. Now."

I held my hand up and grasped the leader in a telekinetic grip, lifting him off the ground. His eyes widened in sudden fear as I walked up to him, the smile quickly falling from my eyes. "I don't care if you're Spitfire herself, no one insults my friends."

"Pléase tak zis ootsidé. Ai don't want any troubuhl haire," a now worried Moon Shine pleaded.

"Oh, don't worry, my dear friend Miss Doo and I were just leaving," I said, placing the Pegasus down gently enough and finally releasing him from my grip. I glared at the other Wonderbolts, who wisely created a path for us, then turned to Derpy with a smile. "Come, my dear, shall we?" I held out a hand, which she took with her wing as we walked back out into the early afternoon air. After a few steps, she began to sway a bit. Reaching out, I caught her as she collapsed. "Whoa, there! I think you need some water."

"Hee hee hee! Dirt!" Derpy giggled as I put an arm around her. "They eat dirt! Pffff ahaha!"

Looking around, I saw we were near to the Golden Oaks Library, so I helped Derpy over and knocked. When Spike answered the door, I looked at him apologetically. "Hey, dragon-man. Can I get a glass of water for this one here?"

"What's wrong with her?" Spike asked as he stepped aside.

"Drunk off her flank," I sighed as I placed Derpy on the couch. "Poor mare's been being bullied."

"Spike? Who's down there?" Twilight's voice carried up from the open basement door.

"It's me, Twilight," I called down. "I brought a drunk Derpy in."

There was the sound of frantic hooves rushing up the stairs, and Twilight appeared. "Derpy's drunk?"

I nodded. "She just needs some water and a nap."

"Hee hee! They eat dirt!" Derpy giggled again.

Twilight looked up at me, eyebrow raised curiously. "Any idea what she's talking about?" she asked. I nodded, then decided to tell her about what had happened, leaving certain things out that a child might not. Twilight didn't look too happy when she heard about what had happened, and sighed when I finished. "Did you really need to insult some of the Wonderbolts like that?"

"I don't care if Celestia herself was a Wonderbolt," I replied. "If she said anything against Derpy like I heard those jerks say, I wouldn't hold back. And before you say anything, I know Celestia wouldn't do that. It was just an example."

Twilight looked over at Derpy, who was sloppily drinking some water that Spike had brought her. "Every time I see her, she's always so happy and carefree…"

"Probably the alcohol," I replied. "It can bring your true self to the surface for some people, or Ponies I guess."

"Did those Pegasi really say all those things about her?" Twilight asked.

"They've probably said more to her face or behind her back," I said. "Had this been ten years ago, I'd have thrown down with them."

"I'm glad you didn't," Twilight said, looking up at me with a small smile.

"I was tempted, let me tell ya," I chuckled, before growing serious again. "Hey, as long as I'm here, do you know if there's any way to fix Derpy's lazy eye? I know of at least one way humans deal with it, but maybe in a world of magic there's a way?"

Twilight looked thoughtful. "I'm not sure, but maybe? I can do some research on it."

"Um…Twilight, Jethro? A little help?" a nervous Spike asked, coming up to the two of us.

"What's wrong?" Twilight asked.

Spike didn't say anything, only pointed back at Derpy. The two of us looked and I heard Twilight gasp when we saw Derpy, now full-on sobbing into a pillow. "I didn't ask for this…" she whimpered. "Why am I so broken?! Why!?" She hit the couch in frustration.

Acting quickly, I rushed over to her, wrapping my arms and wings around her. The wailing mare buried her face into my chest. I stroked her mane gently, letting the poor Pegasus let out her frustrations. She hit my chest, but not too hard enough to hurt. "I just want to be normal…"

I tightened my grip on the poor mare just as the door to the library burst open. Rainbow Dash came flying in, looking around then spotting Twilight. "Hey, Twilight! Gotta…hey, what's going on?" she asked when she saw me and Derpy. A shudder went through Derpy's body and she looked up at Rainbow. Her expression twisted into utter despair and her crying resumed anew. As Derpy once more buried her face into my chest, Rainbow landed and looked at the gray mare in confusion. "To repeat: what's going on?"

Twilight repeated my story to her friend while I continued holding the drunken crying Pegasus in my arms and wings. As she listened, Rainbow Dash's ears flattened and she looked down, a look of shame on her face. "I…I didn't know she felt that way," she said.

"I doubt anypony did," Twilight said.

"She hides it well when she's sober, I'm guessing," I added.

"Derpy…I'm sorry for all the teasing," Rainbow Dash said.

"It's not fair…" Derpy sniffed. "Why couldn't I be as good as you…? Why?! Damn it all, why?!"

"Twilight, got anything to help her sleep?" I asked. "She could use it."

"Yeah…I can get her some sleeping tonic Zecora gave me a while back. Give me a second." She headed up to her room.

Rainbow scratched the back of her neck nervously with her hoof. "I wish I'd known," she said softly.

"She hides it well when she's sober," I said quietly back. Looking down at Derpy, I scratched behind her ears gently. "Let it all out, Derpy…"

Twilight came downstairs a little while later, carrying a small glass full of a purple liquid with her magic. Hovering it over to Derpy, she said, "Here you are, drink this."

I took the glass and brought it to Derpy's lips. "Open up, Miss Doo."

She looked suspiciously at the liquid. "What is it?"

"Medicine to help you sleep," I said. "Come on. You deserve some rest after the day you've had."

She sighed, took the glass and swallowed it all down before dropping said glass and lying her head on my chest again. "I hate them all…" she said tiredly as her eyelids fluttered. Seconds later, she was asleep in my arms.

"Twilight, isn't there anything your magic can do to help?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"I don't know," the purple Unicorn said. "I'll look and see if there's anything here."

"Does anyone know where Derpy lives?" I asked as I stood, carrying her princess style. Rainbow Dash, Twilight and Spike all shook their heads. "Well, I'll let her stay with me until she's sober. Twilight, thanks in advance for looking for a way to fix her eyesight."

"Anytime," she beamed.

I smiled at the two mares and headed out.

"I'm glad she's alright, my love, but was it necessary for you to anger those other Ponies?" Zecora asked a few hours later after I picked her up from the spa.

"Probably not my finest moment, I agree," I replied, "but I didn't like how those Pegasi were bullying her."

She leaned against me, and I automatically put a wing around her. "I just hope you don't do anything like that again."

"All I can promise is that I'll try," I promised, looking down at my new girlfriend. "On another note, that spa treatment made you even more gorgeous than before."

Grinning, she lifted herself up on her hind legs and licked my face affectionately. "You flatterer," she whispered before landing on all fours again and swished her behind slightly as she walked a bit in front of me. "I definitely feel better than I have in years. And sleepy."

"Want me to walk you back home? Or would you rather take a nap at my place?" I winked down at her.

"You are the forward one," Zecora laughed, gently nudging me with her hoof. "But if you're offering a bed, I gladly accept a place to lay my head."

"Of course. I have plenty in the larger house," I replied as I stroked her mane on our way back to Sunny Acre. As we walked back, I reflected on listening to her now talking in modern Equestrian without rhyming. Sure, she sometimes slipped back into it, but for the most part, it was like she'd been reborn. It was unusual at first, but I didn't mind it too much. We did speak in a mixture of Farasi and Equestrian, the former in more private conversations and the latter in a more casual setting.

As we approached my house, I saw a small group of Pegasi flying towards my gate from the direction of Cloudsdale. I recognized one of them as Spitfire as she landed right in front of my gate. Next to her, the Pony I'd seen in the bar landed, and looked around before spotting me. Grinning, he pointed towards me and said something to Spitfire. I sighed. "Great, just what we need. More trouble."

"Hey! You there!" Spitfire shouted, spreading her wings and flying over to me. "You have a minute?"

"Go inside, my love. I'll talk to them," I whispered to Zecora.

"Please be safe," she said as she reached up to give my cheek a kiss.

"I will," I replied, kissing her back as I straightened and faced the fiery maned Pegasus. "Yeah, I can spare a minute. What's on your mind?"

As Zecora walked through the gate, Spitfire floated over to me, getting directly in my face. "My lieutenant tells me you threatened him. We don't take too kindly to that, you know?"

"Oh, is that the lie he's spitting?" I sneered, lifting my hand up and making it glow. He flinched at that. "Did he conveniently forget to mention he was berating another Pony just because of something she was born with?"

Spitfire, taken aback by this, turned to the other Pegasus. "Thunder Pace, is that true?"

"O-Of course not!" the now named Thunder Pace replied, albeit poorly lying.

"Does this sound familiar?" I asked, then imitating his tone, repeated, "'Well, look at what we have here, fillies and gentlecolts, we've found ourselves the lazy-eyed screw up.' Remember that, my little Pony?"

"Why you little-!" Thunder began before Spitfire raised her hoof to silence her fellow Wonderbolt.

"Mr. Bethridge," Spitfire sighed and facehooved, "my lieutenant's actions aside, did you threaten or assault him?"

"I just used my magic to lift him off the ground," I replied honestly. "Then I put him down."

"I see." Her eyebrows furled, apparently deep in thought.

"You're not seriously thinking about letting this alien go, are you?" Thunder asked incredulously. "He assaulted a member of the Wonder-"

"Shut up!" Spitfire ordered angrily. "Thunder Pace, you realize you're speaking to the so-called 'alien' who stopped a full-on war between the Lycan Empire and Equestria, don't you? He nearly died to protect your sorry behind." She whirled on him, putting her hooves on her flanks in another human-like gesture. "This isn't the first time I've heard about your less than stellar behavior. You're on KP until I decide otherwise! You and your group you hang out with!"

"But-but-! You believe him?!"

"Thunder, you're a terrible liar," she growled. "Plus, I already spoke with Moon Shine and other witnesses. They corroborate his story, not yours. Now get back to Cloudsdale double time!"

"Yes, Captain," he said in a defeated tone. He gave me a glare before flying back with the other Pegasi, leaving me and Spitfire alone.

She turned back to me and extended a hoof. "I'd like to apologize on behalf of my lieutenant. I've known Derpy since she and I were in flight school. She's got a good heart, and is a lot smarter than she acts. She doesn't deserve the treatment she gets. I'm on my way to see her next."

"She's actually at my house right now," I said, "sleeping off the booze. Why not come by tomorrow when she's awake?"

"Sure, I can manage that," she said. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Just hearing that he's getting punished is repayment enough-actually, wait…there is something else," I interrupted myself. "I know a really big fan of yours who'd absolutely go nuts for a signed picture of you. A personal signed image."

"Of course, I can do that," she grinned. "I'll bring one tomorrow. What's this Pony's name?"

"Rainbow Dash."

"Her? The winner of the flier's competition a while back? She refused to spend the day with us despite winning," Spitfire said.

"You'd have to ask her about that," I said. "Although maybe having her spend a day with you would be a better way you could make it up to me, since it was my fault she skipped it."

Spitfire chuckled. "Well, she did save me and a couple of my fellow Wonderbolts. I'll extend the offer. And speaking of offers, has anyone been training you on how to use your wings?"

"Actually, yes. Rainbow Dash has," I replied, spreading my wings. "She's also helping to train Scarlet Dusk."

"Oh? And how's that going for you both?"

"Scarlet's getting the hang of flying better than I am," I chuckled as I walked to my gate and unlocked it. "Flying for me is still a bit hard. I can lift off easily enough, and gliding is getting easier, but true flight? I'm still having trouble. Would you like to come in for a bit?"

Spitfire looked through the gate at my house, then back at me. "Eh, I've got time to spare. Sure."

"I've gotta say, Mr. Bethridge, you've got plenty of guts," Spitfire laughed as me, her, and Scarlet sat in the living room, sipping on some of the Apple family cider and eating the last of my crackers and Cheez-Its. "Wonderbolt guts if you knew how to be a better flier. And were a Pony."

I'd spent the past hour telling the three mares in front of me a few stories from Earth. I'd just finished telling her about the time I'd defended my Trixie from a group of bullies when the two of us were thirteen. "No, not guts. I was an idiot then, and I'm still kinda stupid now."

"Just kinda?" Scarlet snorted.

"Shut it, nerf-herder," I gave her a playful glare.

"You can't use that word! Only we can use that word!" Scarlet laughed harder, snorting some juice out of her nose.

"Oh God, you watched that…" I facepalmed before turning to Spitfire. "As for being a Wonderbolt, that's not really my dream. It's more Rainbow Dash's dream."

"It's not easy getting into the Wonderbolts," Spitfire said. "You think she's up to it?"

"If it's as tough as getting into America's Armed Forces, I know she'd be able to do it," I said confidently.

"Nnng…" a new voice said from nearby as a familiar blonde Pegasus stumbled blearily into the room. "What's all the noise…wait…Spitfire?"

Spitfire set down her juice and stood. "Hey there, Derpy."

Derpy looked around, and her eyes widened. "Wait, where am I? What happened? Oooh, my head…" she put a hoof on her head, wincing.

"Easy there, Miss Doo," I said, pouring her a bit of cider and handed it to her. "You've got a nasty hangover."

"Hang on…memory's coming back…" she winced again and her wings spread immediately. "Oh…I…now I remember…"

"Derps," Spitfire said softly, approaching her Pegasus friend, "about Thunder's behavior…I'm sorry about that and anything else he or his gang might have said."

"Spits, I'm used to it," she said, giving a small smile. She turned to me. "Thank you for earlier. But could you forget what happened at the library? It's really not important…"

"Miss Doo, I can't do that," I said, walking up and kneeling so I could see eye to eye with her. "You shouldn't have to hide your feelings."

She swallowed a bit, then looked away. "But what can I do about it? It's not like anypony takes me seriously because of this." She pointed to her lazy eye.

"I'll take you seriously. Spitfire here takes you seriously. I'm sure Scarlet and Zecora will take you seriously. Rainbow Dash and Twilight will take you seriously," I said. "In fact, the latter is taking you seriously enough to look through her books to try and find a way to fix your lazy eye."

Her eyes widened. "She…she'd do that?"

"She's the protegee of Princess Celestia and the Element of Magic," I said. "If anyone could find a way to fix your eye, it's her."

"And if she can't, I might have use of that mind of yours," Spitfire added.

"Me?" Derpy looked confused.

"Derps," Spitfire said kindly, "your grades in school were always amazing."

"Besides," I added, "you're so much more than your lazy eye."

Derpy walked up to Spitfire, tears in her eyes. "I…thank you…" she gasped before throwing her hooves around the Wonderbolt, who hugged her back.

Scarlet walked up next to me, patting me on the back with her wings. "You did good, kid, real good. But as long as I'm around, you'll always be shecond besht, shee?" She mimed smoking a cigar.

I facepalmed. "And I'm going straight to therapy…"

Spitfire volunteered to take Derpy back to her house, and after cleaning up, Scarlet and I both went back to bed. It was a bit late, but I decided to watch the rest of Season 3 as well as the first movie. I was a bit confused as to the title Equestria Girls, but I shrugged it off.

Until I finished the last episode of Season 3.

"Twilight becomes a WHAT?!"

I am so sorry for the horrendous Prench accent. I used an online "translation" site.