PART TWO
Lost in these imaginary illusions I forgot my destiny—that of the hunted. For an undetermined period of time I felt myself cut off from the world, an abstract spectator. The hazy and murmuring countryside, the moon, the decline of the evening, stirred within me. Going down the gently sloping road I could not feel fatigue. The evening was at once intimate and infinite.
—from "The Garden of Forking Paths" by Jorge Luis Borges (Jorge Francisco Isidoro Luis Borges Acevedo)
And I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.
But let me not be too proud of my safety. Even a Thief in a jail is safe from another thief.
—from The Madman, by Kahlil Gibran (جبران خليل جبران [Gibran Kahlil Gibran])
i.
"...A blank?"
The gun lowers. All of a sudden, your father is sagging; the rage washed out along with the frantic strength. He leans back against his seat and breathes out, like a prayer, "thank god…"
"Thank god?" You lean forward, less terrified now but still wild. Inside your chest, you can feel your heart pounding like you have finished a chase… "what do you mean, tōsan?"
He folds his head into his arms. "Forgive me…" he says. "You two… this was the only way to end your confinement… please understand that I only did it because I truly believed that you weren't Kira."
What—wait—does that mean that—
I was right, the thought hits you with sudden force. It was a test all along.
"Did you see that, Ryuzaki?" Soichiro asks, looking toward the rearview mirror, where a camera winks out inexorably above the reflection of your wide-eyed shock. "I did as you said and I'm still alive."
But is he that good of an actor?
The adrenaline has left you shaking and cold, even as sweat has drenched your shirt and pressed your hair to your skin.
No…
If I really had been Kira… he was prepared to…
"Yes," L's cool voice comes from a hidden speaker. "Brilliant acting. If Amane was the Second Kira, who can kill with just a face, I think we can assume she would've killed you before you shot Light-kun… and the same is true if Light-kun was Kira. The Kira I know would kill his own father if necessary… It's possible, of course, that Light-kun at any rate may have figured out it was an act, but… as promised, I will end both of their confinements. Also as promised, though Amane insists they were occult tapes, we do have various pieces of evidence connecting her to the Second Kira, so… until everything is figured out, we'll put Amane under surveillance."
Beside you, Misa shrieks, "what? You still suspect me?" As if anyone wouldn't…
"You'll get to return to your normal life," Soichiro reminds her. "If you're not guilty, then you can just think of the surveillance as police protection."
"Oh yeah!" Misa says happily. "Since I'm not Kira, it'll be like I have private bodyguards!"
She really can spin anything! Well… you suppose, if her confinement was anything like yours… you guess you can't fault her for being cheerful at even this modicum of a "free pass."
"And, Light-kun," L continues… "also as promised…" he lets the words linger for long enough for you to realize it isn't going to be as simple for you as being under police surveillance. Because you're smart enough that he still believes you might have figured out your execution was an act. And you had—or you were starting to—it's not unreasonable for him to still suspect you, but—
"I will work it out so that you and I will be together 24 hours a day, working on solving the case."
What does that mean? Instead of police surveillance, you'll have L? Isn't that already your situation? Is he putting you somewhere else—maybe with a computer—?
You don't dare to hope. You smother the thoughts that arrive in your head: don't think about it, until they wither with practiced ease, and instead grin toward the unblinking eye at the front of the car.
I don't care what happens. Anything's better than that cell.
"You got it, Ryuzaki!" you say, with a cheerfulness to rival Misa's. "Let's catch Kira… together!"
"Yes, I'm pleased to be working with you," L replies drily.
The drive to the hotel goes by in awkward silence. Well, except for Misa, who's chattering like if she stopped for even a moment, she might lose the ability to talk altogether (which could only be an improvement). She's leaning as close to you as she can, but fortunately, you're both still handcuffed, and with her seatbelt on, there's only so much she can do.
"Mm-hm," you say, zoning out.
So. You were right about L; your psychological profile of him was accurate. He won't let this end until he's got proof you're Kira. And since you're not…
It's strange. Outside the car, the rest of the world looks exactly as it had two months ago, as though your confinement has changed nothing. But you feel as though an eternity has gone by… like you haven't seen skyscrapers and highways in years… or if you had, it was a different version of you, one you can barely remember being.
Yagami Light, hardworking honor's student, hadn't it been? Soichiro's son. You are sitting forward in your seat because of your hands, cuffed behind you, and you're barely even aware of the discomfort radiating through your shoulders, chest, wrist and arms. The window between you and the world darkens at occasional intervals when you drive through underpasses, and in those strange glimmering moments you see your reflection in the glass, a kid who seems unbearably young, with wide eyes and messy, untrimmed hair. He looks… innocent, and it throws you, for some unfathomable reason. Maybe it's because you've been a suspect for so long. Maybe it's because you'd as good as convinced yourself you were Kira before putting yourself in prison. Maybe it's because you feel so tired, and he seems… like a kid.
Just some kid.
Yagami Light.
/
There's no one in the lobby of this high-end hotel; the marble countertop nothing but a blank question. As Soichiro directs the two of you toward an elevator, Misa nearly presses herself against you, her side warm against yours; she squints even in the dim light, but her look is full of something nearly giddy, almost soft. For once, it's not directed at you. She casts a glowing look to the mirrored back of the elevator, says, "haha, I look like such a mess. Hey tōsan, we'll be able to clean up a little before we meet L, right?"
Soichiro glances at her, his gaze haggard, but he musters an answer. "No, you're not going to meet L. Just someone who works for him."
"Well, sure, okay, but I still look like a wreck. I mean, I can't help being a suspect, I know that, but I at least want to make a good first impression!" Misa insists.
"I'm sorry," Soichiro says. "You'll have to take it up with the investigator."
Misa pouts. "Hmph!"
The elevator actually has carpet. You can feel the springy texture of it even through the soles of your shoes. The bold golden designs. The clean newness of the railing. A real place, made for real people. You're actually here.
When Misa glances your way, you're grinning, something painful and buoyant that you can't stop. Carpet. God, it's only here to make people feel comfortable. Special. Alive. You're actually alive. And out of confinement. You exist again.
Misa meets your grin with her own. "Well, I guess we'll make do, huh, Light?"
"Yeah," you say, nearly warm; before remembering. L's probably watching all this, too. He has enough to convict Misa. You need to distance yourself from her.
Something nearly confused flickers through her gaze when your smile freezes on your face. You turn your attention away from her, bring back a bored affectation. Still, she leans her head against your shoulder; you try to ignore it.
Soichiro watches his hands with a haunted expression.
It's easier, once you're in the hotel room, to remember yourself again. And Misa draws enough attention with her loud exclamation the moment she sees Ryuzaki.
And it is Ryuzaki. He looks just as you remember: awkward and somehow undefineably pathetic. You can't imagine ever being intimidated by him.
"Ryuga Hideki?" Misa says, looking flabbergasted as she glances over at the detective, who steps forward to unchain her hands; as he stands behind her, you see a quickly-stifled look of discomfort flit over the model's face. He's not touching her inappropriately; if anything, he's cool and methodical, and he doesn't brush over her skin at all as he turns the key in the lock; as her handcuffs spring free Misa steps quickly away from him.
"Mm, that was just an alias," Ryuzaki says. "I'm Ryuzaki."
But it's L's voice.
The voice that tormented you for months when you were locked up.
The voice that had taken such satisfaction in your deterioration.
He steps around behind you and repeats the motions, now letting you out of your own handcuffs. You are struck, suddenly, with an understanding of Misa's response; to have someone so close behind your unprotected back while your hands are tied is a strange feeling, all the more so after spending so long in almost complete solitude. Even though he's being as careful as he can be, there is more to proximity than touch alone, and you are crucially aware of how much you are now in the detective's hands. L can, and will, do whatever it takes to prove your guilt.
"Well, Ryuzaki, I get that we have to do important detective-ing, but do you mind if Light and I freshen up first?" Misa says, smoothing down a few flyaway bangs. "We've had a bit of a day so far what with being almost murdered, I'm pretty sure I've sweated through this shirt entirely, I mean, just look at it! I know you've got something more flattering for Misa Misa to wear than this."
Ryuzaki blinks. "Yes. I've had the clothes you were arrested in dry-cleaned."
"Yes!" Misa exclaims, pumping her fist in the air.
"There's a bathroom in the other room," Ryuzaki says. "Before you ask, no, there are no cameras in it so you'll have to leave the door open."
"Ugh, what?"
"Or you can wait," Ryuzaki says. "The other investigators should be here shortly. If you don't mind showing yourself to them like this…"
"Misa Misa gets the picture!" Misa says. She grabs your hand and drags you over toward the bathroom.
"Uh, Misa," you say, startled into speech, "I'm not going in there with you…"
"Of course not!" she says dismissively. "Light will just wait outside the door for moral support!"
"Uh…"
Misa flings the bathroom door open; squeals in delight when she sees her outfit folded on the counter. You turn away as she begins undressing, scanning the room instead: gilt moldings, lavish crystal chandelier; this looks like some kind of fucking museum. But it's real. Even a fireplace against one wall. Warm tones, another carpet… it's nothing you haven't seen before during the course of the investigation, this is the kind of luxury that Ryuzaki works out of. And yet now all you can think is for the past two months, he was in places like this, while I…
"Okaay! I'm done!" Misa announces finally, and leaves the bathroom; then you go in. Clean yourself up, take a piss (standing up, like a person again, a man and not a boy), change into the new clothes that Ryuzaki had left folded on the counter. Another item that belongs to you.
By the time you leave, the investigators have gathered in the room; Soichiro, who has been sitting on a one of the low couches since he entered the room, is joined by Aizawa; they perch awkwardly side-by-side as though they're prepared for a conference, Matsuda hovering awkwardly behind, like he doesn't know what to do with himself. "Hi, Light-kun!" he says with a grin, waving when he sees you.
"Hi, Matsuda-san," you say easily.
And yet something you can't pinpoint is tugging at you, making your words scrape against the inside of your chest. All three of them, lined up on one side; Ryuzaki presiding, and Misa standing next to you: this is not an equal investigation. There's still a shoe waiting to drop.
A very long handcuff is lying coiled on the shining hardwood table.
"Now, as discussed," Ryuzaki says, "the two of you will be allowed some freedom. However, there will be limits to it. Amane is to remain under house-arrest and under observation while she's not engaged in her work, and when she is working, one of us will accompany her. But as for you, Light-kun… considering your IQ, measures like that would never be enough."
"Yeah, I understand," you say. "But, Ryuzaki, what's this…?" you gesture, uncomfortable, toward the long handcuff.
"It's a compromise. Without keeping you in confinement, there's no other way to keep you under 24/7 surveillance. This will allow you freedom of movement and even the ability to participate in the investigation at my discretion." As Ryuzaki talks, he walks over to the handcuff and casually opens one end, sliding it over his wrist before clicking it shut. "Your father was very persuasive, Light-kun. If it were up to me, even after this, we would simply have kept you in a room alone with cameras watching your every move. But I'm prepared to suffer a bit of discomfort for the investigation." He steps back toward you, holds the other end of the handcuff, open, toward your wrist. "Well?" he says. "How about it?"
You can't say no.
And so you just nod, stiffly. And then, with a quick motion, Ryuzaki is clicking the mechanism home over your left wrist.
And he steps back, leaving the pull of the shining chain between you, and you think, suddenly, I just handcuffed myself to the man who tortured me.
Even though the metal is not cold, you feel a chill. It drives down your spine, leaving you faint; the handcuff chain is heavy and ponderous, and despite your resolutions, you open your mouth and say, "...is this really necessary, Ryuzaki?" It's as though even now you're willing one of the other investigators to stand up and say that it really isn't—that confinement was enough, the mock execution was enough.
They can't say that. Since L thinks you really were Kira… if you were in L's place—surely you'd do as much yourself.
You know it. And so you can't say anything other than this. Careful, controlled. You stare at his blank, wide-eyed expression that is so foolish and pitiless that your skin crawls and your stomach flops in something that you refuse to name.
"I'm not doing this because I want to," Ryuzaki answers.
But you don't believe a bit of it. Of course he is doing this because he wants to. He's the one in charge of the investigation. He is the only one who is calling the shots here.
Even your father…
Misa is the one who speaks. "Huh?" she says loudly. Her voice higher and cutesy, the picture of a confused girl. With her hand to her open mouth, she continues, "This is what you meant by being together 24-hours a day?"
She steps forward. Says in a stage-whisper behind her hand, pointed and loud enough to be heard by everyone else in the room, "two guys chained together like this is gross… this is what you're into? You were with Light at school, too…"
You don't like what she's insinuating but she can't be the only one thinking about it.
"I'm not doing this because I want to," Ryuzaki says pointedly. It's a tone of voice anyone might shirk from—except Misa.
She only continues, wide-eyed, "but Light belongs to me… and if you're always together, when am I supposed to go on dates with Light?"
"The dates will naturally be with the three of us," L says. Walking right into it, you think, although the thought seems to exist far away, while you wait and watch everything. Misa must be the Second Kira. And so you can't believe this conversational manouvre is anything as innocent as it seems.
"Wha?!" Misa demands, suddenly outraged. "You're saying we have to kiss in front of you?"
"You don't have to do anything," L says flatly. "But yes, I will be watching."
"Huh? What the hell? I knew it! You are a pervert!" Misa declares shrilly, something like panic flashing its way across her face. That, at least, must be true—she really does consider you hers. When you had first met she'd said to your face that she'd kill any girlfriend you dared to be seen with that wasn't her. And yet, can she really be the Second Kira? No—you agree with L that if she had been, she would've killed your father to protect you in that car. Just a stalker, then.
But for some reason, even that conclusion sits uneasily in your gut.
"Light-kun, please shut Misa-san up," Ryuzaki says, still the wide-eyed picture of innocence. But despite his wording, you know it's not a request.
You look over at her. Say firmly but kindly, "Misa, don't be so difficult. You were definitely the one who sent those videos. Be grateful you're allowed this much freedom." If she is smart enough to read between the lines, she'll be able to tell what you're really saying: don't push it.
"Hey, what are you saying, Light?" Misa accuses, looking wounded. "I'm your girlfriend, right? You don't trust your lover?"
Of course she would go back to this—! Is she trying to get the both of you locked up again, or can she really be this stupid? No, it could be as simple as the fact that she actually does feel wounded by your words. You can't forget how volatile and emotional she is. But to bring this up so clearly—! Doesn't she know that even if the two of you had been together, there's no way you could ever admit to that now that she's been implicated?
Of course she knows. She just doesn't care. She needs to feel that there's someone on her side, it's as simple as that; she needs to feel like the man she loves will stand up for her. And maybe before, when you'd really believed she had the power to kill anyone with just a thought, you would have. But here and now, the person with all the power is L.
"Girlfriend…?" you say, your voice strained. "All I know is that you say you fell in love with me at first sight and now you won't leave me alone…" If she says you agreed to be her boyfriend it'll be your word against hers. At this point, you still have to have at least marginally more legitimacy in the task force's eyes than she does… L wasn't watching you by the time she'd arrived; the cameras were long gone by the time she'd blackmailed you into making her your girlfriend, and no one but you and Misa have heard the promise you'd whispered into her ear: I understand. I can't be your boyfriend, but… I can act like it. No one knows.
"Then you took advantage of that and kissed me?" Misa shrieks, charging forward and beating her hands against your chest. It wouldn't look good to grab her wrists, you could stop her so easily, and yet—
At least she didn't bring it up, you think, still somehow surprised. If you have to thank Misa's volatility for anything—
The response isn't feigned. Underneath her shriek, there are tears collecting in the corners of her eyes.
"About this love at first sight…" Ryuzaki interrupts, stepping forward.
Misa pauses, turns toward him as he continues, "It was in Aoyama on May 22nd, correct?"
"Yes," Misa says warily.
Ryuzaki looks up and away, as though thinking up his next question, but you're pretty sure that's just for effect. Then he looks back at her and steps forward, leaning down. "Why did you go to Aoyama that day? What were you wearing?" He's interrogating her in earnest, and using his full physical proximity to his advantage, attempting to intimitate her.
It doesn't work. The model's a slip of a thing but she's fearless: she bristles, stepping up to meet him with just as much intensity as the detective is showing, and glares him straight in the eyes.
"How many times do I have to tell you?" Misa says. "I just went there because I felt like it. How should I be able to remember exactly what clothes I was wearing? I'm not allowed to hang out in Aoyama without a reason?"
Ryuzaki steps even closer to her. "So you went to Aoyama," he continues, "and when you got home you were in love with Light-kun and knew his name?"
"Yes," Misa insists.
"But you don't know how you learned his name," Ryuzaki says, leaning so close now his face is mere inches from hers, and his wide, staring eyes are boring holes with their intensity.
It doesn't change Misa's attitude one bit.
"That's right," she says firmly.
He pauses for a moment, looking almost surprised… like he wasn't sure it would be this easy… he steps back. "Then how would you feel if Light-kun were Kira?" he asks offhandedly.
You glance toward Ryuzaki, on your guard—
"Huh?" Misa asks, interested and a little thrown. "If Light was Kira…?" She's wrapped her arm around you, clinging, but now her grip tightens.
L's using Misa to try to discredit you. Whatever she says next is going to paint a picture that's all too clear… All you can do is hope that anyone at all believes your lie that the two of you had never known each other.
For a moment, her arm linked through yours, her expression grows positively dangerous, with a chilling little smile and something like fire in her eyes. It's just for a moment, but you're convinced… there it is. You've caught a glimpse of the Second Kira in Amane Misa.
"Awesome," she says.
A moment later, she's ditzy again, chattering on and making herself sound even more guilty. "I've always been grateful to Kira for punishing the man who killed my parents," she explains, "so if Light were Kira, I'd love him even more. Though I already like him so much already, there might not be any more room…" she says with a flirtatious tone, looking up at you with something that's a little too sly to come across as cute.
How can she be so smart and yet so stupid?
You look down at her, feeling ill.
"We're talking about Kira, here," Ryuzaki says. "You'd like Kira more? You're not afraid at all?"
"We're talking about if Light was Kira, right?" Misa shoots back. "I wouldn't be scared at all. Misa is pro-Kira, so I'd think of ways I could help him!"
It's as good as a confession…
"You'd probably only get in his way…" Ryuzaki says drily. "But it seems there's no question about it. You're the Second Kira. It's actually so definitive it makes me question it…" he adds ironically, peering toward her.
Misa clings to your arm like you'd somehow be able to help her, even as she hides herself behind you, away from L's prying questions. From that position, she seems to feel safe enough to glare at him again.
"Anyway…" Ryuzaki says. "You will be put under surveillance."
The question decided in his favor, and Misa cowed if only for the moment, Ryuzaki makes an open gesture toward the next room and says, "as you've seen, I've gone out of my way and given you a room that connects with Light-kun's. So try to bear with us." Gone out of your way? you think. As though it were him making all the concessions.
But you stay quiet. The potted palm in the corner of the room has more to say than you.
L holds up a key card between two fingers and explains, "the door to your room can only be opened with this cardkey. When you wish to leave, call us and we'll let you out. On private outings and model jobs," he continues, "Matsuda-san will accompany you as your manager, Matsui. We've already paid off your agency to agree to this, but they don't know he's a police officer, so don't reveal that to them yourself."
"I don't want this guy as my manager!" Misa complains.
"Hey…" Matsuda exclaims. "What's wrong with me, Misa Misa? Is it the tie? I can get rid of the tie if you want—"
It's at this point that Aizawa finally shoots to his feet, slamming his hands down on the table in front of him and shouting, "give it a freaking rest with all this crap about homos and dates and kissing and Misa Misa already! This is the Kira case, damn it! Take it seriously!"
"S…sorry…" Matsuda says quietly, his hand reaching up to the back of his head and his eyes wide.
Aizawa looks down, his jaw clenched. "Sorry about that," he says tightly; there's something in his voice almost like guilt. "I know we're taking it seriously but…" he trails off. Then strides forward, grabs Misa by the arm and tows her with him like an unruly child as he says, "anyway… go to your room, Amane."
"What?" Misa says. As Aizawa shuts the door on her, Misa exclaims desperately, "Light, let's go on a date even if it's the three of us!"
The door clicks shut.
"Phew…" Aizawa says.
"Light-kun," Ryuzaki says, turning all his focus on you now that his easier target has been taken out of range.
"Yeah?" you ask.
"Are you serious about Amane?" he walks toward you, using the same crowding technique he'd used on Misa, although more absently, as though he'd just "happened" to walk near you.
"No…" you say, with an easy smile. "As I said, it's all one-sided." What can you do if he asks how the two of you met? If he forces you to walk through every interaction you'd ever had with her? You can lie, but all he'd have to do is go to Misa for corroboration and she'd spill the beans on any lie you could think to tell… but he takes a different tactic, one you didn't expect.
"Then, could you act like you're serious about her?" Ryuzaki asks nonchalantly. "We know she's involved with the Second Kira because of the videotape evidence… and also that she loves you…"
You have to cooperate with the investigation. But if you agree to do this… no. You can't.
This is what caused such problems ever since you met him. He's working on his psychological profile of you, again. He's sure he can get you to slip up and "act like Kira." And why shouldn't he? You've always played into it before.
Well. What he doesn't know is that you've had a lot of time to think, in solitary confinement. You've seen through his tricks and gotten over that ridiculous wish to "prove yourself capable" to him. It may have felt like it was a game, but it led to your imprisonment, and if you fall right back into the same pattern, you're sure it'll lead straight to your death.
Still, you can't just refuse. Doing that would make it seem like you were trying to stand in the way of the investigation. You need a reason that's unassailable, something L can't slide his way around or argue out of.
"You want me to get close to her and reveal things about the Second Kira?" you confirm.
"Yes," Ryuzaki says. "I think you are capable of it, Light-kun. …This is one of the reasons I released the two of you."
A threat…! Well, you don't expect anything else from L. But your position is far too precarious to compromise now; you need to call his bluff. (You ignore the fact that your heart-rate has gone up; that you can feel sweat sliding down your skin and how everyone in the room seems so close and loud—you aren't afraid.) You're handcuffed to L, but you can't let him drag you around, too… you need to set up a clear boundary… one that will convince him you aren't the type to be Kira!
"Ryuzaki…" you say, firmly, "even if it's to solve the Kira case, I could never play with a woman's emotions like that." You stare right at him, making sure he can see how unmoveable you are on this point, to see how much you really believe what you're saying.
And you surprise him. In fact, for a long moment, all he does is stare back, with his lips pressed in a frown, his back hunching a little more as he studies you for any hint of deceit.
It's not often you see L thrown, so you savor the image. This was the last thing you thought I'd say, you think triumphantly. But I guess you don't know me as well as you thought, huh, L?
"I'm sorry, but you need to understand," you continue, kind but immoveable. "To me, taking advantage of a person's feelings like that is the most despicable thing someone can do."
But you're not above it, are you, L? In fact, that's your favorite way to operate.
L's mouth gets even flatter, and he gives you a distracted kind of glare. Then he turns aside.
"What's wrong, Ryuzaki?" you ask.
"Nothing. You're right, Light-kun…" he says. "But I'd appreciate it if you could remind her to make sure she doesn't reveal things about our investigation to anyone."
Instead of answering, you change the subject. "Hey Ryuzaki," you say, "is there anything that can be done about this constant need to change hotels? I think it would be better if we could stay in one location."
"Yes, I've already thought about that," Ryuzaki says, turning and walking quickly over to another part of the room. You're surprised and forced by the chain to tag along behind him, nearly tripping. "And so…" he announces. He opens the laptop that had been lying on one of the low tables and begins to type in his usual weird way, his fingers barely touching the keys, "construction started when I first met face to face with Yagami-san and the others. It should be completed in a few days. Take a look." Everyone on the task force gets up and looks at the screen, curious to see what the great detective is unveiling.
It's a… skyscraper?
"There are 23 floors aboveground, two below. You can't see from the outside, but the roof is equipped with two helicopters. The outside looks like an ordinary high-rise building, but to enter you need to go through various security checkpoints. All the equipment and computers inside are state of the art. The 5th to the 20th floors all have four private rooms per floor, so I'd like all of you to live there as much as possible. And if we increase our numbers, we could accommodate about 60 people," L continues. "Misa-san will get her own floor," he adds wryly, glancing back toward you, "that should keep her happy."
"Oh?" you ask. "Yeah…" Misa will be isolated from the others, he means. You wonder if you're meant to feel grateful that you're not subject to the same, or envious of it. You're not sure you even know the answer yourself. Being stared at under surveillance, all alone in a room, no matter how gilded, is just another cell—but you've gotten used to cells and the pitiless omnipotence of the security cameras. L doesn't mention your own living arrangements; he doesn't have to.
"But wow…" you say, looking at the image of the skyscraper on the screen, "to go this far…" Hopping through a system of hotels is a temporary matter, or something you do when you're being hunted. Building yourself a base of operations, however…? That's what you do when you're in it for the long haul. Even if it takes years, and a small army… L will not let this case go un-solved. You cling to the knowledge like it's an ember glowing faintly in the dark.
"Actually," Matauda asks, "where are you getting the money for this, Ryuzaki?"
"So as you can see," the detective says, "I want to solve this case no matter what. That's what this means…"
"You didn't answer the question," Aizawa protests.
And you could insist on knowing, too. There's something horribly shady about having this much money to spare for an investigation and the cavalier attitude to use it—but the rest of the task force doesn't matter now. It's L you're chained to, and it's L you'll have to convince as to your innocence. It always has been.
"Yeah. I'm with you," you say. And this time, you don't bother to pretend. "The mass killings are bad enough, but I'll never forgive Kira for the trouble he brought to my dad and me. I want to catch him no matter what, too." Believe this one, L. It's nothing but the truth.
"If you really mean 'no matter what,'" Ryuzaki says, glancing up at you, "how about getting closer to Misa-san and making her reveal things…?"
"I can't do that," you say patiently, crossing your arms. "It goes against my ideals."
"I see," Ryuzaki says, with palpable disappointment. "That's unfortunate…"
I'm sure.
The taskforce doesn't trickle away until well past three in the morning; first Aizawa leaving to go home to his family, then, a couple of minutes later, Matsuda, yawning, says he'll see you all in the morning, and he pauses at the doorway, watching your father, who's sitting silent in a chair by the wall, a palpable difference from Soichiro's usual steady presence. "Hey… Chief," he says.
Soichiro blinks, looking up from his hands like he's been startled into awareness. "Yes, Matsuda?"
"Let me drive you home. It's on my way, so it'll be no trouble."
"Drive me home?" Soichiro echoes. "Oh. Yes. I suppose…"
He stands up, and blankly falls into step beside the younger police officer. When he gets to the doorway, he says quietly, without looking toward you, "goodnight, son." He looks crumpled, and not just because his suit is creased… it's strange; you'd always felt such a respect for him when you were young, but this broken figure… it's hard to feel anything about him at all.
"Goodnight, tōsan," you say, and watch the door swing shut.
.
.
.