A Wolf's Dilemma

by TheWarriorBard

Our father, Jergen, raised us here. -Farkas We were brought here by Jergen. Whether he was our father or not, I don't care. -Vilkas If Jergen was dubiously the twins' father, where was their mother? This story follows Ylwa, Vilkas and Farkas's mother, from before their birth and into the afterlife. Will she find what she seeks, and how much will be lost along the way?

21. Part 2, Chapter 7

After her encounter with Jergen, Ylwa made up her mind to avoid the Companions at all costs. She resumed her solo wanderings across the Hunting Grounds. She had learned many tricks to keep hostiles from finding her, but she still occasionally was discovered and "killed" for trespassing in enemy territory. Her adventuring never brought her complete fulfillment, as almost all she found in her treks across the Hunting Grounds was more of the same shallow fighting and hunting mentality that existed in her pack.

Eventually, long after her pack had moved out of their backyard, Ylwa decided to wander back to the Companions and try spending a few hours with them.

Although she felt like she stuck out amongst this group, nobody seemed to question her presence. Her few hours turned into all day and well into the night. Ylwa was refreshed and delighted to hear conversation that did not revolve around the hunt and which territory they would try to take next. Over the time that passed, Ylwa returned more and more to the Companions' home, which she learned they called Jorrvaskr after their mead hall in Skyrim. She was told that it was a near-exact replica of the home where Farkas and Vilkas were presumably living. Eventually, she found herself rarely ever returning to her pack. Her beast blood was of a different line than that of the Companions, but they accepted her as one of their own. They were much more welcoming than the packs who were a biological family.

While she was with the Companions, Ylwa felt more connected to her sons. She was amongst the group that was raising them and, in her mind, felt as though she was living a life that was quite similar to theirs. The pain at their absence dimmed a bit, but was never able to shake the empty longing to hold them again. She, of course, interrogated all of the new arrivals as to how they were doing. A few of her interviewees began to go into how the beloved twins had grown and begun to train and showed great promise, but Ylwa would have none of that type of talk. The fact that she had lost Farkas and Vilkas was obvious, but she didn't have to accept the notion that she might be missing out on their childhood - that they might not be the toddlers that they were when she arrived in the Hunting Grounds. It opened up too many unpleasant possibilities - that she might not get to hold them and snuggle them and rock them to sleep again, that someone else was experiencing all of the milestones that she had looked forward to watching them reach… that they might not even remember her... So she neatly locked that notion out of her mind and ensured that her future questions would only warrant answers about their health and well-being.