A/N:

"Glad you're back to writing." Never stopped.

"Are you going to continue updating this?" Yes, when I feel like it.

"Why aren't your chapters longer?" Do you really think I'd have more chapters if I force myself to make them longer? THey're already too long, a good chapter size for an average reader is 3-5k words, and these are still longer. Also, you'd have 1-2 chapters right now with less satisfying throughlines. Trust me, this is better for all of our sakes.

Also, isn't it crazy that if I never wrote Field Agent, this part of the story would be perfect to add Hadwin into? I mean, desperate, living on the edge of polite society, gets wrapped up in the four doll hijinks instead of the hundreds of dolls cacophony I originally wrote?

Maybe I should try again, this time it's Hadwin owning the Elmo and Gentiane still works for the man. Hadwin's always been more of a hands on, doll centric person whereas the GFL2 commander went from leader of armies to… what I had Hadwin being. Which makes this story just seem like I have a male and female Hadwin.

Hey! Serum Conundrum crossover!

…No, I'm too tired to write that. You get this.

"Hadwin is a shitheel."

I put my hands over Helena's ears, and she looks up from my lap to question why she suddenly can't hear.

Meanwhile, Lenna can be seen behind Kalina in the hologram laughing her ass off while Gentiane and Kalina stare at each other.

"Well, at least we know it's actually you this time." Gentaine sighs. "We had some problems with a 3rd generation doll that-"

I tune out as Helena lets go of her stones she's playing with to grab at my hands. "No! Not stop hearing!"

"Sorry." I smile down at her and drop my hands away. "So, why don't you tell me what you're doing with those rocks?"

"Us!" Her eyes light up. "Commander, Krolik, Groza-" She points to each individual rock in turn. "Going on adventure!"

"An adventure?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yes! Big adventure!"

I hear a cough from beside me, only to see a politely waiting blue-haired medical doll. "Hey Colphne."

"Agent. How are you holding up?"

"Fine?" I frown. "Why?"

"Well, I understand that you claim to be resistant to Collapse radiation, but I'd still like to give you a medical check. It would be in both of our best interests, since I can get a baseline and you can make sure your liver isn't crystalizing."

"Hmm." I can feel my lips turning down. I don't like doctors. Well, more like I don't like overly sterile environments like doctor's offices and labs. Especially labs. "Can it wait?"

"I don't think that's wise." Colphne puts a hand on her hip. "Why don't we let Helena play with Mayling and let's get you checked up?"

"I don't think-"

"Mayling!" Helena suddenly jumps out of my lap, and a tinge of regret hits me before I shake the feeling.

"You want to go play with Mayling?" Colphne smiles at the young girl.

"Yes!"

"There you have it." Colphne smirks at me.

I just shrug and gesture for her to lead the way. I don't exactly feel like going along with her, but I guess it can't hurt.

Mayling's expression is complicated as the little girl is dumped in her lap, but agrees to take care of her for the moment.

Colphne leads me back up toward the bridge, only to stop a corridor short and gesture for me to enter a side room marked with a red cross.

"So." She pulls out a tablet and starts to tap away at it at lighting speed. "I know you're not… well, fully human, but I'd like to check out your human parts to ensure you're running at peak efficiency."

"I can help with that."

Colphne eyes the suddenly present P90, or at least the resident projection of her. "Oh. You're here."

"I can't exactly leave." P90 shrugs. "Anyway, I can hand over his historical medical information. Would you like it?"

"Don't give that to her-"

"Yes please."

Both neural clouds stop updating their personalities as the data flows, Colphne freezing in place and P90 flicking out of existence as my brain seems to heat up, the processing power for this large data dump exceeding the interface chip installed in my head and borrowing some spare meat to make up for it.

"90, I didn't want you to share that." I Complain once both dolls return to interacting in a realm I can participate in.

The specter rolls her eyes. "If you had your way, you wouldn't ever go to a doctor again. This is a precious opportunity."

"Still, it's my body. I think I should have a say."

"As soon as I don't have to deal with your poor decisions because we share the same body."

"...Fine."

"Alright. Now that we have that past us, let me check your data real quick." Colphne's eyes glaze over.

I wait a few seconds before glancing at P90. "Is she alright?"

"It's a lot of data." 90 shrugs. "While I have you captive though, I think I need to warn you again."

"Warn me about what?"

90 gets to her feet and stands in front of me, the full height of the long deceased doll taller than me as I sit on the examination table. "You are getting too attached to Helena."

"Oh, please-"

"You met her only 39 hours ago. Of those, three were spent fighting, ten were sleeping, and twelve on patrol with a dolls. Of the remaining fourteen, eleven were spent playing with, talking to, or eating with Helena."

"So what?"

"So, she's not Chris."

The name sends a spike of pain through my heart, and I have to look away.

"Look, I get it. You see one in the other, but that's not healthy, Hadwin."

"L-Look, I'm just taking care of her since everyone else is actually busy and I am bored out of my skull. None of the dolls want to talk to me."

"You can say that all you want, but I'm sure Suomi would love to talk to you about the good old days if you were willing."

"I don't think so."

"Neither of us believe that, and I didn't even need to read your mind to come to that conclusion. Remember, she's a science experiment, not a regular girl. She could end up like any number of Nytos you've encountered, or worse."

"I… I know, okay?"

Colphne blinks at me, startled back to reality by my outburst. "Agent?"

"...Sorry, Colphne. Talking to 90."

Colphne's eyes slide to the side and 90 nods.

"Alright, if you say so." She couches into her fist. "Alright, here's the results. Given the tweaks 90 has had to make to your body, I expect you're on the verge of pancreatic failure. Obviously, I need to run some tests on you, but I'll add that to the list of checks."

"Oh."

"Also, judging by these logs, you haven't visited a medical professional in… six years?"

"Nope!" 90's face gets a crazed expression and the familiar headache of her using my brain as a coprocessor starts back up. "See, this moron doesn't think he's worth taking care of."

"Why is that?"

"Uh-" I try to head off the conversation, but 90 kicks my shin. Obviously, she doesn't have a material foot, but she activates the pain receptors in time with her kick so I feel it nonetheless.

"His wife and kid died." 90 continues over my objections. "Now he's just waiting to die. Going to a doctor is counter to that."

Colphne's expression is carefully calculated to be just a tiny bit sympathetic, just the right amount to show a patient that they care without inviting a trauma dump. "I see. Well, if you're going to be working with us, you need to be in good physical condition."

"...I get it."

"I'm going to start administering scans. They're going to take a few minutes, since by all rights you shouldn't be alive right now from collapse radiation poisoning, let alone the missing heart and lungs."

"Fine." I let my arms dangle to my sides so she can start running a scanner over my torso.

A good minute of silence goes by before she speaks up. "I have to admit to being curious. Suomi has told me several stories about you, and it left quite a picture. What were your wife and child like?"

I can feel the knife stabbing my gut twist and tear open more organs I no longer have. "I don't really want to talk about it."

"I promise not to tell anyone else." She puts a gentle smile on her face. "Call it some therapy from your resident medical doll."

"Well…" I look away from both sets of eyes, one flicking down to the device in her hands and the other a sed of ruby reds I haven't ever been able to get away from. "A-Aleah was my wife. And… Christina."

"That's your daughter?"

My throat is too choked up to answer with words, so I just dip my head, swallowing to try to clear the phantom blockage.

"What happened?"

My hands clench so hard I would have drawn blood if there was still flesh on my palms. "ELIDs."

"ELIDs?"

"There was… a stampede." I can feel my body start to tremble from the stress of recollection, but the words strangely keep tumbling out of my mouth. "Horde was large enough to overwhelm the initial defenses around Sector 3. I wasn't there at the time, out hunting another horde that had been coming closer, ironically. The attacking horde made it into the city, and Aleah…"

I trail off as the memories of coming back to Sector 3 only to find my home empty comes back. Normally, I would have asked 90 to shut these memories down by now, but right now…

Well, I'm not safe but I'm not talking to a gossiper either.

"Aleah had a combat frame and a fire control core." I put my head in my hands. "She apparently went out to fight against the horde. Watching back the security footage from the area, she probably saved hundreds or thousands of lives as she carved through the ELIDs."

"Aleah, she was a doll?"

I lift my head up to look back at Colphne. "Yeah, what of it?"

She is taken aback by my hostile tone and I instantly regret it. "Sorry, I was just surprised. I figured the rumors of you liking dolls was just over-exaggerated, I didn't think she would actually be a doll."

"..."

"So, Aleah didn't make it out of the swarm?"

I shake my head. "Her frame was flattened. The core was powder, and since we didn't exactly have the money for a persistent backup server, her last backup was still with Griffin, and it was over four years old at that point."

"I see."

"Chris…" I close my eyes to try to hold back the pain, her small round face beaming back at me through time as she plays with the clean laundry that I was folding as Aleah was busy getting dressed for… something.

"What happened to Chris?" The words are gentle, soothing.

"Aleah dropped her off in the local shelter. She should've been safe."

The silence that hangs in the room is heavy. I can tell Colphne both wants to hear the rest but also is aware of the toll this is taking on my head.

Well, it's her fucking lucky day because apparently I'm just spilling out my trauma now.

"Some of the people inside the shelter 'panicked', and a police officer had to shoot some of them to keep order. One of the bullets ricocheted into Chris. At least, that's the official report."

"Official?"

"I saw the bullet." I can feel my tone chilling down. "It didn't look like it was a ricochet."

Colphne gulps. "What happened after that?"

"He shut himself off from the world." 90 cuts in. "I had to take over sometimes to get him to eat. It took years before he would leave the place of his own volition."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Can we stop now? I hate talking about this." I mumble.

Colphne sits back, clicking off the scanner. "That's fine. I'm about done with the checkup as it is."

"So, how bad is he?" 90 asks, folding her arms and sitting on the table.

"...Well, I don;t need to treat him for pancreatic failure." Colphne's brow knits. "In fact, given the performance of his body you reported, I would expect to see a lot more problems with his body, but he seems perfectly healthy."

"No signs of ELID poisoning?" I raise an eyebrow.

"No. you win. You're able to absorb collapse radiation. Shouldn't be possible, but then again we have Helena too."

"He's actually in the best shape he's been in years due to the storm." 90 sighs dramatically. "There goes my plan to wait for his body to rot and take over the mechanical bits."

"Ew." Colphne sets her device aside. "Alright, you're free to go."

"Thanks." I get to my feet. "Now I need to go find Helena-"

"No. You need some food. Helena will be fine with Mayling." 90 looks at Colphne. "Back me up."

Colphne smiles. "In fact, while you may be in good health, your risk of pancreatic failure is still high. Instead of risking more ELID exposure, though I'm sure you'll be fine, why don't you grab something to eat in the kitchens?"

"...Alright."

"If I knew all it would take to get him to listen was to have a small blue doll say it, I would have forced him out into the wasteland years ago." 90 grumbles, but I tune her out as I dress myself back up and leave the doctors office.

"Inspection, huh? I don't trust it."

"Me neither." I step off the ramp of the Elmo into the soft warmth of the evening sunlight. "Anything in particular you don't like, Krolik?"

She snorts. "What, aside from being ripped from our base of operations, told to stand around for who-knows-how-long, and having our stuff rifled through?! No, I don't have any complaints, Agent!"

"Hey, I'm on your side here." I restlessly adjust my rifle once more. "They touch anything in my room-"

"Shut up. Both of you." Gentaine hisses as an officer walks up. She greets him politely as more military personnel walk past us up the ramp into the Elmo. "Nice to meet you, Lieutenant."

I tune her out as I have so many times before-

"You know, maybe you should pay more attention." 90 shows up in my field of view. Judging by how the dolls around me also turn slightly, she's sharing visual data too. "After all, her words do determine if we live or die."

"She's not so reckless as to piss off the military."

"She already did that once."

"Yeah, by not dying when she was supposed to. I'd like to think after Paldiski we're all happier with them on our side."

"Excuse me." Suomi raises her hand. "Are you talking about when Gentaine was caught in that collapse bomb in 2062?"

I nod to the frost fairy. "Yep. I wasn't there for that, but learning about it afterwards…" I shrug. "Turns out we have a lot in common."

"A devastating comfort on the windless prairie."

"Nemesis says that having a collapse bomb go off with you in it isn't normal. Which I have to agree with!" Krolik's brow furrows. "What's wrong with you?"

"Too many things to count." 90 snips. "But in any case, we're not trying to piss off the military, but it could happen."

All of us look back at our commander and the Lieutenant, chatting away."

"Maybe." 90 adds.

"They seem more like they're getting along, actually." Colphne rubs her chin. "Maybe we can finally get her on a date?"

"Hmm?" I look down at the blue haired doll. "Isn't she still in a relationship with…"

The other dolls watch my trail off before collectively running out of patience. "With who?"

"Well, that answers that one." I roll my eyes. "She used to have this small harem of her back in Griffin. Not sure it was officially acknowledged or whatever. Don't see any of them around so maybe not."

"I didn't know our commander didn't like men." Groza tilts her head. "More things I've forgotten."

I swallow my next words. Well… that makes me feel like crap.

"Actually, now that you mention it, it does make sense." Krolik's eyes now drill into the back of Gentiane's head. "When we set her up on that blind date a month ago-"

The soldiers that were on the Elmo pass us by at this moment, and Krolik shuts her trap before Gentaine turns around and notices us.

"We're good to go, folks!" She announces. "Get back inside, we are moving!"

"Alright." I shoulder my rifle.

THe dolls all turn for the ramp, but one of our number doesn't.

Mayling is still white eyed, staring into space. I tap her shoulder and the shriek can be heard for kilometers, I swear.

"Mayling, it's time to go."

"O-Oh, is it?" She blinks. "S-Sorry, I wasn't paying attention!"

With that, she bolts back onto the ELmo before I can get another word out.

Man, someone even more awkward than me. I'm so sorry for you, Mayling.

We climb back onto the Elmo, and get moving again. Before long, Helena has woken back up from her nap inside her box and comes to sit on my lap. I ignore 90's grumbling as she shows me a rock that Colphne had given her, and she starts to hum a tuneless song as she moves the rock around in the air.

I don't really pay much attention to my surroundings until I realize Gentaine is on a call with someone I recognize.

"Lena." I blink at her.

The dolls waves through the projector. "Heya Haddy! Sounds like you're making progress."

"Some." I want to stand up, but Helena is still sitting on my lap. "How are you and Leva holding up? Is she there?"

Lenna sighs dramatically. "No, she's off on some other booooring assignment or another. We never get to talk, I told you! It's super annoying!" She pauses her dramatic swooping to give me a sly grin. "But it looks like you've get little Helena there to keep you company instead!"

"If you're implying I would go after a child-"

Lenna shivers like the ice in my tone had managed to reach her. "N-No! I was just saying you're like father and daughter, that's all!"

Father and Daughter.

Helena looks up at me and her eyes go wide. "No! Sorry! No Hit!"

I force myself to relax and smile down at her. "I'm sorry Helena, I didn't mean to make that scary face. I'd never hit you, alright? Here, why don't you play with your pebbles some more?"

"Ah, I'm sorry, Haddy. Must be a sore spot for you. Anyway, COmmander Gentaine?"

I tune out the doll and focus on keeping my expression neutral. Asshole of a doll…

Why does everyone seem to think I'm getting to attached to Helena? I'm just taking care of her…

"Saga."

I shake the woman's hand. "Hadwin."

She raises an eyebrow. "Hmm? This may be a long shot, but is your last name, 'Galanis'?"

Gentiane breaks down laughing beside me, and several of the dolls beside us turn to face away, politely hiding their expressions.

Well, Krolik just seems irritated.

"Oh come on! This doll-fucker can't possibly be this well known!"

I ignore the peanut gallery and try to keep a smile on my face. "I guess you've heard of me, then?"

"Have I? Got a doll that once went on a full night's rant about you. Said the damndest things. Well, part rant and part impromptu performance…" Saga looks over her shoulder into the rat hole they call home. "Actually, Commander Gentaine?"

"No." Gentaine immediately loses her good cheer. "I don't care about the asking price, it's too much."

Saga holds up a single finger. "One piece."

"...How desperate are you to get rid of this doll?"

"Well…" Saga glances back again.

A sharp squeak as a microphone feeds back into itself pierces the cavern, followed quickly by "Hey everybody! Come listen to Vepley's Song!"

Vepley? I start to sort through my memories for a doll that sounds like. Then again, they do tend to choose names that are… bizarre. Lenna? Leva? Makiatto? Who the hell are they?

The voice is too distorted to get a good fix on either.

"Look." Saga lays a hand on Gentiane's shoulder. "You send someone to get her and bring her back here, and we'll remove some of that price from your guard duties while everything gets transferred to your vehicle."

"...Fine. But I don't take dolls who don't want to come with me. If she says no-"

"She'll say yes." Saga cuts off the Commander. "We should get on it as soon as possible."

"Yeah." Gentaine straightens up. "Nemesis, Krolik, Suomi, you two are on cargo duty. Groza, Colphne, you two are on guard duty to protect the transfer. Hadwin-"

"Vepley?" I grumble.

"Yep."

"Wonderful." I check my rifle. "If she's one of the ones that hates me, can I shoot her?"

"If so, you're paying the collapse piece for her." Gentaine turns to Saga. "Let's get going."

"Of course."

I watch the two women walk away before turning toward the center of the cavern. This might royally suck…

In the middle of the massive underground cavern, there's a rock that's perfect for perching. I can imagine kids playing some sort of capture the top game with each other, or any number of historical leaders holding flags or banners, loudly proclaiming their victory over the enemy. Hell, I can see several T-Dolls doing the same.

If I hadn't been expecting it, I would have been sorely disappointed to see a doll dressed as an East-Asian idol with a microphone in her hand, broadcasting vocal exercises to the entire cave. The worst part is, I did eventually recognize her. Vepr-12, a shotgun doll that joined in the last days of my and Gentiane's last days at Griffin.

She wasn't that annoying the three times or so we worked together…

"You were on combat assignments." 90 reminds me. "A lot of dolls sober up during combat."

"Quite literally."

"Yeah. Maybe she's fine when busy?"

"We can hope." I step out from the alley I had used to get here, and Vepley's bright eyes turn to face me. "At least it's not SV."

"Yes, she would reduce your reproductive capacity significantly if she was up there."

I grimace but continue walking until I get within casual talking distance of the doll. "Hey."

"Hello. Are you here to listen to Vepley's song?" The doll in question tilts her head.

"Not right now, but sure. I've come to bring you to someone who wants to bring you with her."

"Huh? Someone wants Vepley that bad? I'm sorry, I'm everyone's idol-" She blinks. "You are Hadwin."

"Yep."

She turns around and starts talking to herself. Unfortunately, she still has the microphone to her mouth and broadcasts her words across the cave. "Well, Vepley has heard some weird things from him. What if he's going to confine Vepley to a room? Maybe he'll force Vepley to not be everyone's Vepley. How cruel to take a maiden's purity just to keep her for yourself! Such a scoundrel!"

Oh, come on. I don't screw dolls that aren't in a serious relationship with me, and even then I have to be convinced. Especially after I found 'I bagged Hadwin' challenge coins floating around after AK-12-

I shake my mind to clear away the thoughts and stop 90's redoubled laughter. "Vepley, I'm not that kind of guy, and Gentaine would kill me if she learned I harmed you."

Vepley hesitates before turning around. "Vepley is sorry. Vepley shouldn't have said those things about you, especially not where you could hear! Anyway, I think I'm needed to cheer people up here."

I can hear the groans from the local buildings. "B-But, there's so many people out in the wasteland that don't know about your, uh, wonderful singing! You really should travel the world and share the joy, right?"

"Vepley has considered this, but the people don't look that much happier here, so I must continue until they're happy!"

"I can guarantee that if you leave, they'll show you the brightest smiles. That should be proof enough."

Vepley tilts her head as she thinks hard.

Please don't realize what I actually said.

90 appears in my vision, but Vepley doesn't react, probably because 90's not sharing her visual data. "You realize that if this doll can't sing, you're signing yourself up for at least a few months of torture?"

"I can get you to block the sound."

"Nope."

"Please?"

"Never."

"Traitor."

"You've slept with worse."

"Oh, come on."

"Vepley has decided!" Vepley suddenly stands upright, one leg raised onto the very peak of the rock in a triumphant pose. "Vepley will tour the world!"

Legitimately, there's a bunch of cheers from the nearby. I'm so sorry Vepley, you're pretty hated it seems.

"But first, Vepley will do one last concert here! The biggest and best yet, because it will be a while before we can meet again!"

Oh, for the love of T-Dolls.

"Ow! Vepley, not so tight!"

Saga tries desperately to pull Vepley off of her. I'm not surprised, when I tried to pull Vepley down off her perch she was able to hold me in the air with one arm. They must have packed the world's finest motors into her frame, and given it the most basic microchip to control with.

Then again, I did manage to accomplish my goal of stopping her from singing, saying that we didn't have time for her grand farewell tour but we could film it on the Elmo and then send it back. Sure, it wouldn't be watched by anyone, but if we send it there's plausible deniability there. We did our best, sorry that nobody saw it, or 'it got lost in transit' or whatever.

"Saga! Vepley wasn't able to perform today!" The small doll complains. "Vepley tried her best though!"

"Owowow. Vepley, Haven't I told you not to make any commotion?"

"Vepley wasn't making a commotion. Vepley was singing!"

Gentiane gives me a look, and I just shake my head. Dolls are as insane as always. Thanks, Persica.

"Hey, you know how to fix that?"

Everyone turns to look at the suddenly devoid of emotion Colphne.

Without waiting for a response, she continues to speak. "Shut her down. Then, erase her neural backup, and install a new 'Vepley' that does what you want."

We all stand there in stunned silence for a moment.

Saga coughs into her fist. "Erm… I need my dolls to be happy working here, but… deleting their personalities is a little bit extreme, no?"

"It's the most efficient way." Colphne makes sure to send a sneer Saga's way before turning on her heel.

"What the hell?" I ask silently to 90.

"I dunno. She's acting like she did after that last battle against the Varjagers."

"But…" My mind wanders back to a few hours ago. "She was happily playing with Helena up until then. Did someone tase her or something?"

"Unknown. She received a clean bill of health when she got back from Mayling though."

"...Huh."

Suddenly, an explosion rocks the underground tunnel. A voice comes over a loudspeaker, rough and violent.

"Equipment! Supplies! I want to see it HERE!"

"Varjagers?" I unsling my rifle.

Colphne wastes no time, bolts toward the entrance like there's no tomorrow.

"Uh, Gentiane?"

"Everyone, go after her." Gentaine sighs. "Make sure you all come back alive."