Fragile as Glass

Chapter 7

Otabek waited patiently. He pretended nothing was different, just like Yuri wanted. He went to practice, trained with Victor, competed at the NHK Trophy, and won another gold, went for his usual morning run, soaked in the hot springs with Victor, Yuuri, and Yuri. He worked on his music. He ate katsudon and fell in love with Sushi and Ramen. He called his family every day, just like he promised. He survived his sister haranguing him about Yuri not being his boyfriend yet.

And he pretended. He waited. He ached. He watched Yuri stealthily avoid him without actually avoiding him. He had homework, training, and had to go for a run just as Otabek came back. He hung out with Yuuri… He still spoke to Otabek, but never for very long, and always with a sense of urgency of some other thing he had to take care of. They still ate dinner together, and sometimes breakfast. But it never lasted long enough. The only movie they had watched together was the one on the night they made up. He hadn't spent more than twenty minutes alone with Yuri since.

It was starting to grate on his nerves, and coming up on four weeks of this, he was starting to become annoyed. Very annoyed. He tried to catch Yuri one night after dinner to listen to his new remix, but Yuri had homework to do. A report on the book he had just finished reading for his English class. Otabek had also done online school after he had moved into secondary school due to all the moving he had done over those years. He didn't remember ever being as busy with homework as Yuri claimed to be. When it wasn't homework, it was inevitably something else. Always some excuse.

One day, almost a month after Otabek had moved in, sitting at their little table in the kitchen, eating dinner while Yuri scrolled through Instagram, Otabek snapped. "Are you still mad at me, or something?"

Yuri looked up at him in surprise, his fork halfway to his mouth, and his jaw dropped. "No. Why would you think that?"

"You've been avoiding me." Otabek said, crossing his arms and sitting back in his chair, staring Yuri down.

Yuri sucked in a harsh breath, and Otabek knew he had caught Yuri off guard and red handed. "No, I haven't." Yuri protested, putting his fork back down and his phone face down on the table. Good, he had Yuri's attention.

"You have. Can you tell me the last time we had a full conversation?" Otabek asked, trying not to clench his fists, knowing the answer.

Yuri's eyes darted frantically around the room, then scanned Otabek quickly. "I… don't know. I…" Great. Just wonderful. Otabek could feel the anger rising in his chest at the reply.

Otabek scoffed and stood from his chair. "Yeah. I know. Because it was almost a month ago." Otabek took his plate to the sink to wash it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"Then we can watch a movie tonight? Or you'll listen to the four remixes I've tried to get you to listen to? You don't have something else planned?" Otabek turned to look at Yuri. Yuri didn't answer.

Otabek practically threw his plate onto the drying rack when he was done. He was lucky it didn't break. "Never mind. You clearly don't care." Otabek didn't even look back at Yuri and went to his bedroom, closing the door behind him, perhaps a little harder than necessary. He really needed to cool down.

Knowing he needed some space from Yuri before he did something he would really regret, he texted Yuuri and started packing an overnight bag. He received a prompt reply that of course he could use the spare room for a night, and Otabek continued packing his bag, now with a plan in place.

A tentative knock came at the door as Otabek was finishing up. He didn't answer, but the door opened anyways. He glanced back to see Yuri watching him in the doorway. He looked like he was going to say something, then saw what Otabek was doing. "What are you doing?"

"Packing." Otabek answered, not really in the mood to expand on that. Maybe it would scare Yuri into talking to him anyways if he got the wrong idea.

"What? Why?" Yuri sounded panicked as he took another step into the bedroom.

"Why on earth would I want to stay here, Yuri? Why would I want to stay here and be ignored by the guy who was supposed to be my best friend?" Otabek could hear his voice raising in volume and pitch, but he didn't do anything to lower it. "Do you know why I moved here? Yes, I moved here to skate with Victor, but half of the reason was literally you! I wanted to be here with you. I thought I'd get to spend more time with you. And you know what? That's the opposite of what's happened. I think I spent more time with you when I was a nine-hour flight away from you than I do living with you. So, give me a reason to stay." And there he went, doing something he knew he'd regret later. And he was sure to regret this, but he couldn't stop himself. The anger and frustration of the last weeks finally took over, and he couldn't control it.

Yuri just stared at him, clearly at a loss for words. Otabek felt his heart break when Yuri said nothing and stared at him with wide eyes. So, he turned to his bag and zipped it. The sound made Yuri snap out of it. "No, wait. Please. Please don't go."

Otabek grit his teeth and hoisted the bag onto his shoulder. When he turned around, Yuri was standing so close, and tears were threatening to spill from those pools of blue. Otabek had to swallow around the new lump in his throat, pushing it down. He said nothing in response. He needed to go before he made things worse. He left the room, headed straight for the front door.

Yuri followed, his breathing now coming quickly, panicked. "Please. Please wait. Beka."

A new wave of anguish washed over Otabek at the sound of his nickname. Yuri was the only person in the world who called him that, and it was the last thing he wanted to hear right now. He whipped around, making Yuri skid to a sudden halt. "Don't you dare. You don't get to call me that. Only my best friend gets to call me that, and I haven't even seen him in over a month. I don't know where he went, but you're not him. My best friend would never hurt me the way you have the last few weeks. My best friend cares about me, and wants to hear what I have to say, no matter what it is. My best friend wouldn't break my heart the way you did. He wouldn't ignore me."

The tears started then, dripping from Yuri's eyes and off his chin, and Otabek could feel his own gathering behind his eyes. He had to go. Now. He had already said more than he should have. Before he could make things any worse by saying he was moving out for good or anything, he turned, slipped his shoes on, and left. The sound of the door closing triggered angry tears that started flowing freely down Otabek's face. He hadn't cried in years, but now he couldn't get himself to stop. The more he tried, the faster the tears fell. By the time he reached Yuuri and Victor's place he was full-blown sobbing uncontrollably. He knocked and leaned against the door jamb to prevent himself from falling to his knees. He had never felt so miserable in his life. The door opened and Victor's smile fell immediately at the sight of a broken Otabek at his door. "Come in." he said, softly and quietly. Otabek couldn't even register how out of character that was for Victor, too consumed in his own grief.

A gentle touch guided him farther inside and he soon found himself curled up on the couch, still sobbing as gentle fingers carded through his hair. He didn't know how long he had stayed like that, but eventually he calmed down enough to register that Victor was sitting across from him, looking concerned, Makkachin was sitting right in front of his face looking very upset for the normally energetic dog, which left Yuuri, who must be the one running his fingers through hishair. His breath came in ragged gasps as he slowly tried to put himself back together.

It felt like an eternity later that his breathing had started to come easier, and he had the strength to sit up. He scooted away from Yuuri, but only a little, then buried his face in the pillow he suddenly found himself holding, ashamed of himself for losing it so completely in front of these two people he didn't actually know all that well. But when he dared to peek out above the corner of the pillow, he saw only concerned and caring faces watching him intently. There was no disgust or awkwardness there.

He lowered the pillow a little more and cleared his throat, then wiped at his eyes, though he knew the tears were far from done. They would be back. "Sorry." He croaked.

Yuuri shook his head. "Don't worry about it. We're just concerned for you. Do you want to talk about it?"

Victor stayed suspiciously quiet in his chair, and Otabek glanced over at him to see the Russian with a hand over his eyes and a frown adorning his features.

"I don't want to, but I need to." Otabek answered, his voice breaking again.

"Vitya, will you please go get Otabek a glass of water?" Yuuri turned to look at his fiancé, and Victor did as he was asked, pushing himself out of his chair, using the arms as leverage. Otabek used the few minutes he was gone to compose himself a little more. He would allow himself the remaining tears later, lying in a bed that wasn't his in a house he didn't live in.

Victor came back with the water and carefully handed it over. Otabek downed half of it as soon as it touched his lips. He hadn't realized how thirsty he would be after crying so hard.

"Feel a little better?" Yuuri asked and Otabek nodded. He really did feel better. More composed and less like he was going to burst at any given moment. "Good. Now why don't you tell us what happened?"

So, Otabek talked. He talked more than he ever had before. He told the whole story, even the parts that Yuuri already knew. He told them about the last month, ranting about how annoyed he was by Yuri's blatant attempts at avoiding him. His frustration with trying to just be Yuri's friend again, only to be shut down every time. He explained what happened at dinner, and then Yuri caught him packing. It was only when he got to the part about his nickname that he felt really bad for what happened. "I know I went too far, but I was so angry. I don't think I've ever been that angry before. Yuri just has this power over me. He makes me feel things I've never felt before, say things I've never said. I barely know how to control it."

He finally made eye contact with them again as he finished, and he saw Yuuri, sitting in the same spot as before with a small, sad smile on his face. "I know the feeling. You know, no one is immune to that in love. Sometimes Victor makes me so angry I could throttle him. And sometimes he makes me sad, and I cry. But we always figure it out in the end. When you have feelings for someone, the stronger those feelings are, the more intense the emotions become. You can't have a great love without great anguish attached to it. I love Victor more every day, so every fight or misunderstanding feels more like my heart is being ripped from my chest than the last. If you don't want anger or tears, then you can't have love either. They come hand in hand.

"But you know what? The fighting is worth it when you come back together, stronger than before, and your love is sweeter than ever before. I know you and Yuri can figure this out. It might take some time, and that's okay. But you'll get there. I've told you before that he loves you, and that stands true. If it wasn't true, you could go home right now and he'd be sitting on the couch watching tv, not caring that you just left the house in pieces. Do you think that's what he's doing?"

Otabek shook his head. "No. I know it's not. He was crying when I left."

"So, he cares. He cares a lot. Remember our conversation about how young he is? This is one of those moments where you're going to have to be the strong one. The adult. You'll have to lead him by example. Take a few days to cool down and let him do the same, and then you need to be the one to go to him, to apologize first, and to show him what forgiveness and love looks like. You need to tell him everything. No more dancing around it. Tell him how you feel about him and the way he's been treating you lately. But you'll also have to be the one to recognize if a relationship is really the best thing for either of you right now."

Otabek understood what he was getting at. He knew he'd be the one to lead them back to a place of healing. He would have to be. Yuri was young, too young to do it himself, and still learning how to care about someone. He'd never had a friend before Otabek, and he had no sibling to help him learn these things. Otabek learned how to forgive and how to love from his own family, a luxury that Yuri didn't know or understand. Otabek knew then that he was about to learn a thing or two about patience with Yuri at his side. "What do you mean by 'if a relationship is really the best thing'?"

"Do you want to go into a relationship with Yuri right now, when all you've done since you arrived is fight?" Victor was the one to ask, and Otabek looked over at him. He was watching Otabek with a serious, even determined, look on his face.

"Did you have to put it like that?" Yuuri interrupted, twisting around to look at his fiancé. "You really need to learn tact, you know that?" He sighed, then turned back to Otabek. "He's right, but I wouldn't have put it like that."

Otabek looked between them, then down at his lap. "I guess we have a lot to learn about communication. We'd probably be better off learning that as just friends, huh?"

"It does make things easier. Adding any kind of romance only complicates things. There's a learning curve there, and on top of everything that's already going on it would be unimaginably more difficult. One step at a time. You can do what you want of course, but you should probably hold off on anything other than friends until you learn how to talk to each other in an open and honest manner. You've been keeping things from each other for a while now. It's time to put a stop to that."

Otabek nodded. "I understand. Thank you. For everything. Both of you." Yuuri sat back, relaxing into the couch more now that the conversation had more or less ended. Victor did the same. They all remained quiet for a moment and Makka put her head in Otabek's lap, looking up at him with her big eyes. He stroked her curly fur for a while until Otabek had another thought after looking at how late it had gotten. "Could you do me a favor, Yuuri?" The Japanese man looked up at him and nodded. "Can you go check on Yuri. He's probably distraught right now, and I'd like to know he's okay."

Yuuri smiled at him. "Of course. And that's how I know you really love him. He hurt you, and you're still thinking about his wellbeing. It is getting late though. I'll head over there now. Vitya, will you show Otabek to the spare room while I walk over to check on Yurio?"

Victor nodded and rose from his chair again. "Come on. I'll get your bag from the entry and then I'll show you to your room. And feel free to make yourself at home. You can stay for as long as you need to."

Otabek gathered himself for a moment longer, then stood as Victor came back with Otabek's duffle in hand. He gestured for Otabek to follow and led him to the spare room, Makka's claws clicking along on the hard floor behind them. Victor placed his bag on the bed and turned back to Otabek. He looked like he wanted to say something but didn't know how to say it. A problem that Otabek wasn't sure Victor had ever had before. "Whatever you want to say, just say it." Otabek snapped in clipped Russian. He was exhausted, upset, and at the end of his rope.

Victor sighed and crossed his arms. "I just wish Yurio would see it. That he would stop holding you at arm's length. You're such a great person. Maybe this mess is the trigger he'll need to finally see what the rest of us have been seeing for almost a year now."

"And what's that?" Otabek asked.

"That you two belong together, as more than just friends." Victor stated firmly.

Otabek had to swallow to keep himself together. The next thing he knew, he was wrapped up in a tight hug in Victor's arms. Otabek let himself sink into it. Victor gave good hugs. He squeezed tight enough to hold him together, but not so tight he couldn't breathe. He smelled good and his heartbeat was steady in Otabek's ear. It helped him heal, even if it was only for a moment.

Victor pulled away and squeezed his shoulders. Makka inserted herself between them on her hind legs. Victor laughed and reached an arm out to scratch behind her ears. "If you need anything, come get me or Yuuri. We're just across the hall."

Otabek nodded, not trusting himself to speak, and then Victor left with Makka in tow, and he was alone again, standing in the middle of an unfamiliar room in a house that wasn't his. It was only after Victor left that the loneliness came crashing in around him again. He didn't want to stay in this empty room any longer than he had to, so he changed into his sweats and a loose T-shirt, took his phone and charger with him, and returned to the living room.

It was empty, so he took up residence on the couch and pulled a nearby blanket over himself before opening his phone. He had about a hundred missed calls and texts combined, all from Yuri. The texts weren't too crazy, filled with "I'm sorry" and "Please come back". There was the occasional one that Otabek caught, asking if he was alright. The last one was from about 15 minutes earlier, probably right before Yuuri arrived. Luckily there were no voicemails. He wasn't sure he would have been able to handle listening to any.

Otabek debated sending a reply, maybe just something to let Yuri know he was okay and just needed some space, but if he did that, he would be tempted to send an apology, and that was definitely not something he wanted to do over text, so instead, he exited out of his chat with Yuri and saw his chat with Inzhu right below Yuri's. He was lucky to have Yuuri and Victor here, but now that he had seen her name, he wanted nothing more than to talk to his sister.

He pressed the call icon and held the phone to his ear. It rang a few times before Inzhu picked up. "Ota! Hey, you missed our normal chat time."

"Hey Inzhu. Sorry, it's been… a long day." Otabek could hear his voice waver and held a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle the sob rising in the back of his throat. He missed his family so much right then he could hardly stand it.

"Oh, Ota." She cooed. Of course, she caught it. She knew him better than anyone. "What happened, Ini?" Inzhu had only ever called him "little brother" when she knew something was wrong, and it always worked to make him feel just a little better. Knowing she was there for him and prepared to listen, he told her everything, but this time he didn't rant to her like he did to Yuuri and Victor. He bore his soul to her. He expressed the very depths of his feelings in his native tongue and felt significantly better because of it.

He had cried, not ugly crying like earlier, but silent tears that slowly soaked into his baggy T-shirt, and though he couldn't see her, he knew Inzhu cried with him. His bond with his sister was one he would never take for granted. When he finished, he felt lighter and more at peace with the situation. She hadn't told him anything different than Yuuri or Victor had, but hearing it from his sister hit different, and he was able to calm his aching heart after.

As he was finishing up his conversation with Inzhu, Yuuri returned. He looked surprised to see Otabek sitting on the couch, but he smiled and took up his previous perch on the other side of the couch and waited patiently for Otabek to finish, not understanding even a word of Kazakh that flowed so easily from Otabek's lips.

Inzhu said her goodbyes and they hung up. Otabek looked at Yuuri expectantly. The Japanese man started right into it. "Yuri's alright. Upset, but alright. He was worried about you, but I told him you were staying here and that you would need some space for a few days. He's really regretting his actions right now, and he wants you to know that he's going to work hard at being a better friend if you decide to give him that chance. He wants to make things right, but he's going to wait for you to go to him. He doesn't want to push you into anything. That's the basics. Do you want any details?" Yuuri looked at him inquisitively, waiting for his decision.

Otabek shook his head. "No. I'll find out what I need to when I go talk to him. I don't know when that'll be right now, but I'll figure it out."

"Just don't take too long. He'll punish himself enough over the next few days, and you don't need to make the same mistake he did by avoiding him for too long."

"Okay." Otabek said and they fell into a companionable silence. Now that Otabek had cried enough for the rest of his life and he had calmed down, he felt his eyelids become heavy. He pulled the blanket up to his chin, pulled his legs in close and crossed his arms in front of him. He sank farther into the cushions and let his eyes fall closed with a sigh.

He was shaken awake by Yuuri. "Otabek. You shouldn't sleep here. You'll hurt your back. Come on, let's get you to bed."

Otabek let Yuuri pull him up from the couch but was reluctant to let go of the warm blanket. Yuuri just told him to bring the blanket and he guided Otabek to the spare room where he guided him onto the bed. Otabek remembered nothing else.