Dawn

Chapter 8

Goldenstar's Lament

"What ails ye, child?

"A broken heart.."

"Ah. The most painful of afflictions."

"What are ye doing lass?" Her patient asked with a raised eyebrow, stretching out his leg as he allowed her to work upon it. She was kneading his leg, massaging it as her clawed fingers worked at the underlying muscles. She smirked at him as she continued the feline art of making biscuits along the muscles near his injured knee. "I'm tenderizing ya so taste better." She cackled, alluding to his original fears of being eaten by her. "Nyahaha…" she giggled insanely at her own joke as she watched him smirk in return and roll his eyes. The spinner was proving to be just as stubborn as she was, in many ways. The most important part to his stubborn nature was that as soon as the fever broke, he seemed to have improved overnight by leaps and bounds. It was a combination of her being able to at least heal his human half and Rumple just being stubborn enough to make it through the night. By morning she found herself alone in the hay and went into a sheer panic only to find that he was well enough to get up on his own. Of course the arse pretended that he was a ghost to get a rise out of her, which caused her to chatter at him angrily and toss his old bandages at him while she tried to hide that grin that spread across her face.

She helped him rise out of the hay, supporting him with her free arm and grabbing her other crutch to hold herself up. "Easy…easy.." she cajoled as he tried to get used to his new walking stick. "How does that brace feel?" She asked with sympathy in her eyes. After all, his injury was nearly identical to her own, oddly enough on the other leg. As they moved forward, they alternated limping as if they mirrored each other's movements. "Fuck.." he whispered under his breath with his teeth gritted. He sighed as he slowly got his footing. It made her own old injury smart just watching him. "All this because I had to be a damned coward." He huffed. Goldenstar shook her head. "Wrong, dearie." She began walking with him out of the barn, helping him and herself hobble towards the trail that lead to the animal kingdom. She was sure that Milah hadn't left yet with the cub. But something had to be done about that attitude of his. His son needed to understand why he left the front. Goldenstar had to put some sense into that head of his.

"What do ya know about animals dearie?" He shrugged. "Well I raise sheep and I've always liked animals. To be honest more often than people. So about as much as the average person." She let him lean on her a little bit more, letting him wrap his arm around her and coughed to hide the sudden rumbling noise of purring in her throat. She cleared her throat unnecessarily. "Ya see my dear human f..friend." Even her translator stumbled over that last word. "All animals know that bravery sometimes is knowing when to run. Given that I live in a castle I no longer live in the wild but my subjects do. The meaning of honor in the animal kingdom is different. Running sometimes means survival, especially when it means being alive to protect yer young. And that's what ye were doing spinner. To the humans it'll look like cowardice but in my kingdom." She pointed a claw towards his now injured knee, wincing when she realized that just like her he'd have to live with it for the rest of his life. "That bum knee is a badge of honor. And I think your cub would much rather have ya come home at night than hear the story of your so called brave death in the morning."

For the first time since they met he seemed to stand a little taller, and a warm smile couldn't help but cross his face. His brown eyes looked on her with warmth, the same warmth he had when his son was mentioned. "Thank ye your majesty." His Scottish accent was softer and he tended to speak with more mildness than any human man she had known. "That's very kind for a b…I mean for someone close to the dark one and an imp." She felt a feeling of warmth spread through her as he tentatively pat her head and scratch behind her ear. She leaned into his touch before just shifting her gaze away to disguise the tears welling up into her eyes and her red humanoid blush and the blue blush that came from having a frost giant's blood flowing through her veins, spreading underneath her golden skin. Her tail involuntarily rattled with joy which she quickly stopped by smoothing out her skirt of her tartan forcing her tail to stop showing her emotions. She stopped for a moment to gather herself. Of course he had to speak again. "Ye know. You're not who I thought ye were. And I'm glad." She had to stop the idiotic grin that spread over her face, showing her sharp front canines. "T..thanks…" she gulped swallowing back her emotions. It had been a century at least since a person had shown such warmth towards her. She had forgotten how that warm feeling felt inside of her chest, like a welcoming fire on a cold winter night or the sun rising over the Pridelands and casting out the darkness of the night.

He tilted his head as he leaned on her and his walking stick, looking towards her injury now healed and just slightly showing under her tartan that matched his own. "How did ye injure yours? And that scar…." She froze and shook her head. She would let him come close. She would let him touch her. However revealing her horrible past was not something she'd ever reveal without being very very close to someone, nor did she plan for the spinner ever to find out about the things she did behind closed doors to comfort herself or her true nature beneath her teeth and claws. Unless the dark one decided to come home, she was never going to either. The light one, she reminded herself was not allowed to have another parent besides the dark one. Loki had become the sole exception because he was a god but even he couldn't stay with her. Besides, though trust in Rumple had grown he was still a human man, and she remembered well what the last man who was supposed to love her had done to her. What if he turned on her one day? What if he decided that she was in fact the monster that parents told their children about at night? What if one day he had the same thoughts about her that many others did? No one had ever treated her with kindness without it ending in loss or pain. She looked away from him. "I don't want to talk about it."

Through the awkward silence, a secretary bird screeched in alarm as he landed on her shoulder. It was Zasu, her trusted loyal adviser. He had been named after a Screech Owl who had been the assistant of the first dark one, another man who may have been a father to her if things had been different. "Your majesty! Milah! She just tried to drown Baelfire, little Simba in the Kube river! The local human females stopped her. They took her from the kingdom and she's gone back to the human settlement. It might have been a flash of overwhelm that many first time nesters have but I wouldn't trust her!" The spinner couldn't hear of course what Zasu was telling her, all he probably heard was frightened screeching and squawking. Yet he was smarter than most humans. He could tell what the nature of their conversation was about. His eyes widened with fear and his voice shook. "That bird brings ye news doesn't he?! Is it Milah, my son!? What's going on?" She bit her lip and tried to hide her angry snarling deep in her throat, the claws on her toes digging into her boots. Rumple didn't need to know what just happened. It would only make him feel worse, but her concern over Simba's safety took precedence. "Ya have to go home right now." She chirped urgently, her amber eyes sometimes turning green in the right light gazing into his. "Your wife…she's rejecting your cub. Like I told ya before." She sighed and held back the fact that Milah had just tried to kill his son. "He needs ya. Ya need to raise the boy." The spinner's eyes widened like an antelope who had walked into a den of hyenas. "Maybe she's just frightened…m…I don't know what to do…" tears welled in his eyes as he shook his head. "She couldn't. She wouldn't."

Goldenstar began to switch her tail, a clear signal of frustration. The imp sighed and slowly nodded her head. "Rumplestiltskin. Go to your son. Now." She thrusted a bag of herbal tea into his hands and wrapped her cloak around his shoulders once more. "Take this thrice daily until the wound heals completely, and spread the salve onto your wounds. The potion I placed in there is to be taken before ya sleep to help with the pain. If ya don't take care of yourself ya can't take care of the boy. Now go.." he rapidly nodded and grabbed a hold of his walking stick. "If ya need someone to help ya home make this sign…" she held up her clawed hand she held two fingers above her fist. "That's the sign of the light one, the sign of the horned god. The deer in the first will help ya. They'll know ye are loyal to the animal kingdom. To me." Normally she would never show that truck to any human but in his case she was making an exception. He was shaking, his nerves clearly shot. "Wait! How can I ever repay ye? I'm a poor spinner back home, I have nothing…" she silenced him, holding up her palm to show the crocheted fingerless glove she was wearing that was made to look like she had paw pads. "None of that. My only price is that ya go home..and take care of the boy. Tell him how much ya love him. Hug him every day. Never strike him. Never say an unkind word. Make him feel loved every day of his life. Because I'll know if ya don't." She gave him a warning growl, hiding the pain behind her reasoning as magical energy formed around her hand just to make her point be known. He nodded rapidly and patted her shoulder, a smile forming on his lips and tears forming in his eyes. "I promise." She nodded. "Good. Your debt is paid then." He then did something that he didn't expect. "Thank ye for everything." He gave her a light peck on the cheek. She let out a feline squeal in surprise but not out of protest before he took his leave. When he hobbled away, she was left there, her hand laying over her cheek where it had been kissed, wide eyed and blushing heavily.

After standing there for what seemed like a few minutes going onto a few hours, the ordeal of the past two days began to make her cancer ridden legs smart. There was also something else that prompted her to move. A familiar yet distant scent was caught on the wind. It smelled of magical herbs, candles and the smell of incense and her own scent and that long forgotten scent of her foster mother. The dark one was nearby. Though she had never met her dark one before, there was no mistaking what her nose was telling her. Despite her pain she quickly bolted into a jog, her crutches clicking as she opened her mouth to let the scent flow over her scent glands. The scent got stronger with every hobble and with every tree she passed. Fog was starting to form in the cold winter air as warmer air moved in, and at first she didn't see the robed figure that was making his way through the tree line, but she smelled him. Standing there and breathing heavily with both emotion and effort, she let out a roar mixed with the yowling of a much younger cat or lion cub. "FATHER!" she yowled, her voice sounding much more kittenlike than she meant it to be.

Zoso turned his head. His skin was golden like hers. His eyes were Amber like hers. He was a bit on the heavy set side and looked more like an old peddler than the dark one, yet perhaps that's what he had been before maintaining his mantle. But then she remembered that he was the son of warlord. Being the dark one had apparently aged him. She had always imagined what it would be like to meet the dark one in person, to have her mother and father back in her life. She had always imagined a warm nurturing presence just like Nimue coming through the darkness within. Yet she saw no such emotion in Zoso's eyes. His expression was hard to read. He was frowning and shook his head, a mixture of guilt and hesitation in his features..perhaps disappointment as well. "Goldenstar." He gave a curt nod, not exactly a warm greeting of a mother towards her child. He stepped slightly closer to her, but kept his distance. And something told her that he preferred she do the same. "How have you been, child." His voice spoke, only the slightest bit of emotion within. "I'm..f…" she started to lie but at his raised eyebrow she sighed and tears began to well in her eyes despite a great effort to hold them back. "I'm not. I'm really not." She mewed. "I…I missed ya. I just…I needed to see ya." She took a tentative step forward. "May I…take your hand?" She reached out, her lip quivering as she tried to hold back as much as she could. He shook his head, sympathy mixed with guilt in his eyes as he turned his hand away from hers. "No. You may not." She gasped, her heart falling into her stomach.

Pain and panic flooded through her heart and soul like two demons sent from Hades to torture her damaged mind. Her ears fell flush against her head as her tail tucked between her legs. "But why?" She quietly mewled, her eyes tearing up as she added him the loaded question that she had always wanted to ask of everyone in her life. He sighed. "I must take my leave. I cannot go with you. Sorry but I cannot. I'm sorry child, I truly am." She growled and stepped in front of him. No. He was not allowed to just walk in and out of her life like this without an explanation. "No. Yer not going anywhere. WHY!?" "Enough child.." he warned with a sigh. She shook her head as she growled again, lifting her lips in a snarl. It was breaking her heart to threaten him, but she wanted an answer. "WHY!?" This time she roared. She was done with parental figures playing with her heart like some object of power, only to be used than tossed aside. Tears streamed down her face. "Child please.." he tried to placate her but she was having none of it. "NO! Tell. Me. WHY!" She yowled but this time it came out more like the sob of an abandoned little girl, crying and trying to be tough through a torrent of tears and heartbreak. To her shock and dread, he became annoyed, his temper snapping as he shouted back. "BECAUSE YOU'RE PATHETIC!!" she cowered this time, lowering her ears and balking, tail puffing up as she balked in front of another father who didn't want her.

Zoso sighed and continued to speak in an irritated voice, each word he spoke like a knife through the heart. She had heard every word so many times from her biological parents but coming from the dark one who was supposed to be another Nimue it was nothing short of devastating. A river of ice ran through her veins and her scarred eye burned from her hot tears. "I'm sorry, but it had to be said. I was trying to be kind to you but the truth is that you're not worth my time. You really think that a dark one would have anything to do with you? Look at you child. Gods. You can't even move on from something that happened thousands of years ago. You're still just sitting there in your own blood and filth waiting for someone to rescue you. You can only count on one person in this life, Elizabeth. And that's your own pathetic self. Move on. Grow up." She growled at him through her tears. "You're starting to sound like my mum." "Good!" He snapped. "At least one of us does…."

Though his words caused more hurt than even her own father caused she would not look weak in front of him. She was done giving people who hurt her that satisfaction. She whirled around, snarling even through the tears that were cascading down her face. "Ya think ya can just show up and tell me how to live my life!? Ya don't even know what I've been through!" Her roars echoed through the forest through her angry sobbing. How dare he just show up after ignoring her for years only to say those awful things and pass judgement on her?! He had never been there for her, and now he was telling her how to live. Her unconditional love for the first dark one within him was the only thing keeping her from mauling him right there, dagger or no dagger. "Someone would if you just told them…" he pointed out and she wasn't going to admit to herself how right he was. "It doesn't matter, hakuna matata. It's a saying from my kingdom. Bad things happen…" "Elizabeth! Listen to your damned self for once!" "And there's nothing ya do about it once. So why. Worry." "Because it's your responsibility to find your own happiness! You know what. Fine. I can see there's no getting through to you. I have to go back to my master now. Don't wait up for me anymore. Or for anyone else." "FINE!!!!" she roared at him, this time changing her shape. She was a lioness again, appearing as strong as possible and trying to get away from him and the shadow of pain as quickly as possible.

She didn't know how far she had run. Even as her entire body hurt she wanted to run back home, to feel grass beneath her feet through the snow on her paws, wild scents of the wood in her nose and the wind through her fur, creating ice out of the tears streaming from the lioness's eyes. The earth had always been a comfort to her, for that was what had been linked to her power. Yet even the earth and nature tonight could offer the horned god or the young imp who held the mantle much comfort. Her sobs and quiet roars of grief filled the air. She found herself in the spinner's village. A beautiful sound reached her ears, causing them to twitch. It was the spinner. Rumple's surprisingly beautiful soft singing voice and the sounds of a babe's quiet cooing sounded from a humble small hovel on the edge of the village. She couldn't resist looking in the window.

The spinner was seated holding the wee one in a bundle of blankets he had woven himself. He was singing him a lullaby and looking down at his child with as much love as she had seen anyone show. He was looking at the boy with the same look Nimue gave her long ago. "It's alright Bae. It's alright.." he whispered to him in a loving cooing tone of voice as he rocked him back and forth in his arms, holding him as tenderly and lovingly as any mother could. "Yer papa's here." He placed a feather light kiss on the newborn's forehead, tearing up with sheer joy in his eyes as his son's sweet little hand touched his nose. She stood there feeling colder than ever before. Numbness turned to pain as she turned away from the window. Tears welled up in her eyes as she witnessed something that she desperately wanted. Something that she would never have. She suddenly found that she could no longer walk. With what little strength she had she teleported not to pride rock but straight to her castle.

Her crutches clicked, the noise echoing through the empty vast halls. Her servants were all sleeping, the enchanted objects doing more of that these days the more the rose wilted. She was alone. The only sounds echoing through the castle were her grunts of pain as she made her way up the ramp to the west wing. She opened the door to her chambers, the door creaking in the darkness. She limped over to her adult sized crib. She had made the entire west wing into a secret nursery, a secret place where she could shed the years of pain and be her true self. The imp didn't even bother to change anything else other than her diapers and didn't even kick her boots off as she flung herself into the blankets. Pulling some of the many stuffed animals she kept with her close, the impish creature curled up like an abandoned kitten and wept. No roaring was heard in the castle that night but instead bitter quiet weeping, the cries of a babe who needed, and who was left behind by her family. The question remained. Could anyone ever love her? Would anyone ever hold her like Rumple held his son? "N..no I think not…It's never to become. F..for I am n..not the one…" she sobbed, her quiet cries slowly dying to whimpers as the flame in her fireplace slowly died.