Crazy trouble with love part 10

Conker and Berri

Series: Conker's Bad Fur Day

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We find ourselves in a throne room, of a castle that held the king of the lands; the new king to be exact. Sitting on the throne was Conker, who was sipping from his silver chalice filled with only the finest booze he could have. The kind that DIDN'T smell of cheap piss and could do a better job of drowning out the pain.

"Yep…there I am….Conker…King of all the Land…well…alright I'll be blunt. You all heard this story before, but what you didn't hear was the story that happened the day AFTER my bad fur day and let me tell ya ... .it was way better!" Conker narrated via disembodied voice. "And I mean way better than waking up after a binge and not getting a huge hangover."

Conker finished the booze, letting out a sigh as several of the faces he met on his adventure stood. Seeing it was empty, he chucked the chalice aside, leaning back in the throne, and letting out a long sigh. "So…this is my life now." he sighed sadly as he looked out the window with a wistful look in his eyes before he noticed a shooting star. "Oh shooting star, grant me a wish tonight…I miss Berri…please use whatever magic you possess to bring her back, please." he said as he noticed the star was starting to glow brighter…and it was heading right towards him. "...huh. okay. Grant me another wish…I wish that the shooting star was NOT HEADING RIGHT TOWARDS ME!" Conker yelled as he jumped off the throne just as it crashed into his castle.

The NPCS all rushed out of the way, except for Rodent who looked left and right before the object crashed on top of him, leaving a gaping hole in the roof with Conker poking his head out from behind a nearby pillar.

"Rodent! You okay?" Conker called out as the smoke cleared and Rodent (still wearing his armor) simply bounced out of the wreckage fine and dandy.

"I'm good sir!" he called out happily with a salute, right before a chunk of the roof dropped down on Franky, breaking him in half.

"Aw fuck me! Oh god the pain! Ah can't feel mah legs!"

"You don't have legs!" called out Ron.

"Yeah, ya dont got legs!" Reg said as Ron frowned.

"Seriously, stop repeating after me"

"Oh yeah, Ah forgot."

Conker stepped out from the pillar and walked over to the object. His eyes widened at seeing it wasn't some fallen star, but a shiny silver UFO with random green lights on it that dimmed down. "Huh, a flying saucer? Guess we got aliens today." he remarked while giving the viewers a look.

Conker walked up to the UFO as the hatch slowly opened and steam poured out. "Huh, either it's an invasion or a warning OF an invasion; either way I hope it's not either…this chapter doesn't have the budget for something like that." Conker grumbled.

Looking at the opening, he saw a figure in the steam slowly moving out, making him crack his fingers and get ready for something hideous, disgusting, and probably oozing slime from every hole.

"Mmm, ouch…stupid controls!" came a girl's voice that made Conker's eyes widen.

"...It can't be." he gasped as a lone tall figure wearing an orange space suit came walking out of the hatch. "Berri!?"

The tall and sexy chipmunk rubbed her head before seeing Conker and smiled. "Hi Conker Honey!" she waved while climbing out of the rubble with Conker looking her up and over.

"You….You're alive! But I saw you be killed by the xeno….I mean nondescript parody alien" he shook his head. "And then you went flying into space because of the airlock."

"Well, I WAS dead Conker Honey, but you'll never guess who I ran into." she put a hand on her hip. "I was abducted by aliens."

"That would explain the UFO…" he held his chin. "But you were shot."

"Yeah, but when they abducted me, they gave me a new body after taking some of my skin. It went dark, and then I woke up naked. Well I mean, naked in a big glass tank." Berri explained. "Then I was like in the body of this weird space poo with a wig and tentacles, then they blew it up. Afterwards I found myself in the body of a panther girl and after they blew HER up and then after I was sent hurtling through time and space and ended up in the body of this kid with white hair and an orange shirt….he had like 10 sisters! So I had sex with all ten of them and knocked them up before the aliens zapped me into the body of this blue rodent guy thingy who ran really fast and then I found myself in my old body thanks to the aliens who gave me this ship thingy to return home!" she explained with Conker staring at her before glancing at the viewers.

"I can't tell if that was real or I'm just TOO drunk right now." he looked at Berri and smiled. "Still, I'm really happy to see you back. Being king didn't feel as exciting all on my own." Conker spoke as Berri looked around.

"Wait…King? Conker, what happened while I was gone?" she asked him as the squirrel gave a tired sigh.

"Well, it's a bit of a long story."

(One exposition dump later)

"Oh Conker….honey I'm so sorry!" Berri said, hugging him close. "I guess I should've did my aerobics without my headphones."

"Nah, it's fine." he smiled, his head pressed against her breasts as he hugged her back. "It was one hell of a sidetrack, but it's not all bad. Now that you're safe and sound, I feel like I can really cut loose. Being king DOES come with a lot of advantages." Conker chuckled as he hopped out of her arms and looked towards his friends. "Chaps! Spread the word, a kingdom wide party in honor of the king's queen returning!'

"Right away!" they chorused, all of them heading out of the throne room as Conker turned to Berri.

"You ever had beer fit for a king? Because it's WAY better than the stuff you can buy at the gas station." he chuckled as he took her hand and led her to the throne.

After sending invites out across the land, the throne room was filled with various faces Conker had run into on his adventure, all of them living it up.

"Looking good Rodent!" Conker cheered as he watched his friend getting a lapdance from Jugga the massive cavewoman.

"Wow! This is the best day of my life!" he cheered out, bottle in hand and looking a bit tipsy while mesmerized by the large ass cheeks.

"Hey baby, ever been with a man with real straw?" Birdy asked the big titted sunflower, leaning against the wall while guzzling some booze and trying to put on the moves.

"Hehehehehe oh you're such a charmer!" she giggled sweetly.

"Aw yeah." he grinned, right before Mr King Bee tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey buddy, step off; she's with me."

"Grrrrr; Feck off!" the scarecrow growled as King Bee put up his dukes.

"Now now boys, no need to fight, there's plenty of me to go around~" Sunflower giggled. She pushed her breasts together and let them bounce, making the two stare, the huge mounds distracting the two from throwing the first punch. "Why don't we find a nice little corner and…..pollinate~?"

"Fuck/Feck yeah!" They both cheered in excitement as Conker watched as Ron, Reg, and Franky were dancing with a few of the Cave Rock strippers.

"Aw yeah baby! Shake it!" Reg cheered while hopping back and forth to show his dance moves.

"Yeah yeah, shake it!" Ron shouted as he and Reg watched the stripper use Franky as a stripper pole.

"Wooh boy! This is better than mah dad fuckin' muh ma and sister!" the pitchfork let out, getting to feel the stripper's bare tits rub up and down his body.

Berri and Conker both sat on the throne as Berri gave a giggle. "Looks like everyone's having so much fun, huh?"

"They ain't the only ones." Conker took a swig from his bottle while giving Berri's ass a rub, making the taller squirrel hum and rub his face. "I'm feeling pretty antsy myself, if ya catch my drift."

"Oh! You naughty boy~, let's head upstairs and leave everyone down here." she smiled with a chuckle

Getting up, Conker led her to where the master bedroom was, giving her ass a slap before climbing onto bed with Berri slipping her clothes off.

Krrrrrrst!

(Geo pops into frame wearing a newscaster getup)

Geo: We interrupt this oneshot to inform you that due to the rising prices of income because of the jackasses who killed Banjo-Kazooie and pretty soon enough Crash and Spyro we here at fanfic dot net have been informed that all lemons will now be described in a complete and utterly SFW manner.

(Back to the sex)

The camera panned away from the bed and focused on a random window while the sound of a zipper pulled down was heard, followed by a gasp.

"Conker Honey! You…You're bigger than last time we did it!"

"Heh, gotta love power-ups; Luigi owes me big time!"

Loud wet squelching was soon heard as splats hit the wall.

"Oops! Didn't know I could lactate."Berri giggled as the walls started to shake and squeak. "Mmm, oh yeah Conker Honey, that's the stuff!"

"Wow! I didn't know you could bend that way. Your spine must be made of rubber."

"Well I aim to please." Berri said…as a whole cake was shown flying into the lamp.

"Whoa!...that's a new trick." Conker chuckled.

"Learned it in space honey~"

"You ain't the only one." he grinned before the sound of an elephant's trunk went off, making the squeaking get louder with Berri letting out a gasp and moan.

The sounds of a chainsaw were heard being revved up as well as the sounds of dolphin chirps.

"AHhhhhhhh! Right there, that's the spot!" Conker exclaimed.

"Come on Conker! Really drill it in! I can take it!"

The sounds of a turtle moaning from having its sting ray penis exposed along with the sound of an armadillo being run over by a car and an oven timer going off is then heard.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH…..annnnd boom goes the dynamite." Conker spoke as he and Berri had finished their hardcore, dirty, nasty, sweaty, butt naked sex.

KRsssssssssht

(Geo pops back into frame)

Geo: We now return to the oneshot progressing as normal.

Krssssssht

Conker and Berri were seen covered up by the blanket, panting with numerous wet spots across the bed and various holes littering the floor and unknown fluids trickling off the walls.

"...wow…..I didn't think it was possible, but you outdid yourself from last time." Berri smiled

"Damn right." Conker grinned before letting Berri lay her head down against his shoulder, wrapping his arm around her.

"Up for another go after a quick nap?"

"Oh you know I am!" Conker exclaimed eager for round 2 as the camera zoomed out to show the entire thing was a fanfic being typed out by Luigi.

"And then they all kissed Kevin and got super pregnant, the end!" he smiled before a mallet hit him over the head, knocking him out before Yui poked his head out to look at the screen.

"Now now, thought we would go that easy route? Nope, we gonna give this game a real ending, thank you very much."

In the future THIS HAPPENED*

After that party, and a dozen other parties, with one awkward reveal that Gregg got lucky with Olive and knocked her up somehow, Conker and Berri had come a long way into having their own little happy ending.

"What a beautiful day, wouldn't you agree Berri?" Conker asked his queen, sitting on his throne with the crown on his head.

"You said it ho-YEOW!" Berri jumped, a crown on her own head while sitting on her own throne and holding a baby to her bare breast who was nursing from her. "Conker Jr, easy there; mommy's boobs are tender."

"Yeah VERY tender." Conker chuckled as Berri bonked him on the head.

"Not in front of Jr."

"What? Not like he'll understand what I mean."

The small squirrel in Berri's arms turned to the viewers and snickered. "He don't know me vewy, well do he?" he let out in a squeaky voice before winking and going back to his milk

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END.