Master Obi-Wan was leaning on her to stay upright and it was beginning to scare her.
He had a hand braced against the bed in front of them as she tried to take as much of his weight as she could. She couldn't even tell where he was wounded, his cloak was wrapped around him tightly and she knew from bitter experience that lightsaber wounds never bled much.
"Padmé," He said leaning further, "Padmé, you must be strong. Be strong for your children."
The bed was a poor place for her but Ahsoka had seen nowhere else. She had carried Padmé herself, as much as she was able, back to the ship. The Skiff was a light one, built for speed rather than comfort. It was a double berth and Ahsoka had tried to place her in the closest as gently as she could. They were hours from the nearest medical centre, hours from any help at all. The ship was stocked with first aid equipment and a basic emergency droid but there was precious little else. Artoo sat depowered in the corner, no help to anyone. The ship thrummed with the run of the engines at hyperspeed beneath her feet but she knew she was the only one to feel it.
It was a terrible place to give birth.
A terrible place, a terrible time, and in terrible company. Master Obi-Wan barely had his feet under him and Ahsoka had no idea how to help, or if Padmé was even within the realm of help now.
Padmé was beyond noticing.
She made another choked off noise of pain, her head thrown back against the bed. She had been this way since the contractions started, far too long ago now for Ahsoka to remember. She had grown weaker as they left the smoke of Mustafar behind them, her words coming slurred, her grip slackening. But she was still persisting, even as Ahsoka watched her strength wane she gave another shout and all of a sudden there was a new sound to contend with- an impossible new sound.
The med-droid approached Master Obi-Wan but he could not reach out. Ahsoka shifted his weight to accept the bundle before her mind could catch up to her body and found herself staring down into an impossibly small face.
"A boy." Master Obi-Wan told her.
"Luke." Padmé gasped as the child was passed before her. There was barely a moment of reprieve before the pain over took her again. Minutes- though it could have stretched for hours- later Padmé's body went slack once more.
"A girl." Master Obi-Wan said this time, his voice weak.
Padmé's voice was little more than a murmur, "Leia." She said. She managed to extend a shaky finger to brush down the side of her daughter's cheek but it fell back to the bed after a moment. Her energy was spent. There was a low whistle from the droid.
"What do you mean she's-" Ahsoka hissed before looking at Padmé. She lowered her voice though it couldn't make too much difference. "What do you mean she's dying? Help her!"
There was a rush of binary and a terrible certainty that came with inevitability.
Padmé had tear tracks running down her cheeks. Ahsoka had always known Senator Amidala was a small woman but she had never seemed it, not with a blaster in hand or an elaborate costume and heavy paint. But like this, stripped bare of it, her hair sweaty and pulled back, face pallid and eyes half closed she looked young. Young, small and dangerously weak. Her voice was little more than a whisper.
"Obi-Wan? There's good in him. I know there's still…I know…"
Ahsoka watched in mute horror as Padmé's breath slowed, her chest fell and her head lolled.
"Master?" She whispered in shock. "Master, what do we do?"
Master Obi-Wan didn't seem to hear her. He reached with an unsteady hand to brush at Padmé's neck but it was no use. There was no pulse.
"Master," Ahsoka said again desperately, "I don't know what to do!"
He tried to turn to her but barely managed to keep himself upright with a white knuckle grip on the edge of the bed. Ahsoka hurriedly passed off the child to the droid, already carrying the girl, pausing only to check its grip was secure. She turned back and ducked under her grandmaster's arm, straightened and tried to lead him to the other bed.
"No, no." He gasped, his voice tight with pain. "Cockpit."
She doubted he would be able to even sit but it wasn't the time for argument. She deposited him there with as much care as she could but he was sweating, his breath uneven by the time she stood once more.
"Master, I don't understand. I don't understand any of it."
She couldn't think about it now or she might fall apart with the monstrosity of all it. She couldn't think about him. She had been with Master Obi-Wan when they played the holo-footage. She had seen what he had seen; she'd seen her master receive his new name, kneel to the Sith and slaughter-
She had seen it with her own eyes and yet her mind rebelled against accepting it as fact. Anakin and Padmé were the worst kept secret in the GAR, he had loved her, Ahsoka had seen it. It couldn't be true.
But she had seen it.
Even now as Master Obi-Wan loosened his grip on his cloak and she could see the stains underneath she could not believe that Anakin had been the one to inflict this upon him. He loved Obi-Wan, they both did. He couldn't have done this.
But while she fought her own mind Master Obi-Wan wasn't idle. His shaking hands were setting the coordinates, rerouting them.
"Alderaan." He managed when he saw her staring. Her hands hovered over him, unsure how to help, ready to catch him if he listed too far to one side. "I've set a course for Alderaan. We're…we're transmitting on a secure frequency. They must get a message to the Temple. It is not safe there. They must get the word out."
"Master Obi-Wan, what happened to you?"
He didn't look at her as he continued. "You must reach Bail Organa. He will lend you aid, he will help the children. There is…" he paused, trying to catch his breath and for a terrible moment Ahsoka thought he would not be able to go on, "there is an uncle on Tatooine. Anakin had… family there."
He slumped as if the mere mention of the name had taken the last of his strength.
"Master?" She asked, afraid.
Master Obi-Wan was bowed under the grief and though she reached for him she could not help. He was awash with it, an impenetrable and choking smog in the Force. His voice was quiet, and terribly pained. He fumbled for her hand.
"I have failed you Ahsoka, just as I have failed him. I am so sorry, dear one. I am so…terribly sorry."
She was crying, sobbing as she tried to get him upright. This wasn't meant to happen. She could understand battles and warfare, she had practically grown up on battlefields these past three years but she couldn't understand this.
It was the work of many minutes to haul him back upright and make the short walk to the only other vacant bed. She couldn't look across. The Med-droid had spread a blanket over Padmé, covering her face. She was glad. She didn't want to have to see. She manoeuvred them to the edge of the bed, leant his weight against it and ducked to get his legs. When at last he was laid flat she looked around helplessly.
She ended up at the foot of the bed, a death grip on both of the infants so that the droid was free to see to Master Obi-Wan.
I don't know what to do, she wanted to tell both of them as she looked down into their little faces. She couldn't tell them apart like this, both of them downy and unwashed, still wizened from the womb. She didn't think she'd ever been this close to children this young before, and certainly not human ones.
"The children?" Obi-Wan managed after the droid eventually stepped back. Ahsoka stood awkwardly, terrified of losing her grip but moved so that he could see them. The breath left him in a manner that was almost a pleased huff as he looked at them, small, impossibly small, and yet burning like a supernova in the Force between them.
A grimace passed over his face and hurriedly Ahsoka passed the children to the droid before kneeling beside the bed, there faces level.
"What happened?" She asked again.
He looked at her and she felt another sob building in her chest. She could read that look but better than that she could read him through the Force. Beneath that pain and heartbreak, beneath the depth of sorrow that ran so deep it must be in the very soul of him, she could feel a single strange of something far worse. Acceptance.
"Don't go." She whispered, her eyes blurring. "Don't leave me here."
"It was my…fault, couldn't…save him. Forgive me, Ahsoka. I have… failed you both."
She could see it now, after the ministrations of the droid. The pain and the wound, the terrible rent and burn that only a lightsaber could produce. It must have been a miracle that allowed him to survive it, let alone make it back to the ship. But miracle or no she could see him slipping away. There was little a single droid and a teenage girl could do to stop a killing blow like that.
Killing Anakin has killed him, she thought. She didn't know how to live in a galaxy without her Master in it anymore and neither did he. She grasped his hand and tried to leech what pain she could from him but it was a vain effort. Master Kenobi was dying and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.
She was crying properly now but there was little to be done. She tried to keep him comfortable though she had nothing to offer him. She placed a hand on his chest, heedless of the bloodstains, and tried to monitor his breathing but it was useless. His pulse grew thready, his breathing weak and Ahsoka felt him start to fade. His mind drifted in the intermittent time. She felt the fade and catch of his awareness as he tried to fight to stay awake. Each time he slipped just a little further away, a receding tide away from her.
"Master Obi-Wan?" She asked in a whisper.
There was the barest hint of him brushing against her mind.
Trust in the Force, dear one.
He slipped from consciousness.
She watched his chest rise and fall and tried to will him to come back. Under her palm his chest rose and fell, rose and fell, rose and fell- nothing. He was still. He did not breathe.
She snatched her hand back and clamped it over her mouth as if she could stop the terrible keening coming from it. She wanted to smother the sound but it didn't matter. There was a shrill noise, no, two shrill noises rising in tandem. The twins. They must have felt her immediate devastation and they wailed in response to her distress. She wanted to join them. She wanted to rock back and forward and wait for someone to come because surely this hadn't happened, had it? Master Kenobi wasn't the sort of Jedi who died, she was sure of it.
She wanted to wail right alongside them.
She clamped her hand harder over her mouth, and forced herself to take a long breath through her nose. She tried to get her breathing under control and to still her hitching chest. All of those exercises they had been taught at the Temple were far removed from her now but she tried to take a shaky breath and hold it. She released it and then took another.
She stood, willing her legs to hold her. Pull yourself together she tried to tell herself sharply, you're not a youngling. The tears did not stop but then she hadn't expected them too. Her legs held her up and that was enough for now.
She was in command of this ship. What a terrible thought but there it was. She didn't know what to do.
Another breath.
She reached out with a shaking hand and touched Master Obi-Wan's arm. There was nothing left of him there, she reminded herself. This was just what remained. Crude matter, she told herself, crude matter.
Hesitantly, she arranged him. Eyes closed, arms across his stomach, across that terrible wound. She tried to smooth back the hair on his forehead but it was crusted with his blood. She tried to stay calm. A Jedi, she told herself, you're a Jedi.
But this was too much of a burden to bear for even a Jedi; her world crumbled at her feet, everyone she had ever known dead. She was a survivor or a genocide, on a ship with two newborn human children who she did not know how to care for. Her only company, a droid and two corpses of people she had once loved.
She found another blanket at the foot of the bed and went to draw it over Master Obi-Wan as the droid had done for Padmé but she paused. She had seen dead bodies before, many of them in fact. Some of them had even died in front of her. People loved to talk about he supposed peace of the dead but she did not see any of that peace here. Master Obi-Wan's face was slack but the lines of pain and war had been carved deep. He looked much older than she knew he was. There was grey at his temples, when Anakin had noticed they'd laughed and-
She stopped herself before she gave in to the grief. She looked at him once more…there. She felt her heart break anew. Clipped to his belt were two lightsabers as familiar to her as her own. One was Master Kenobi's, the other…
She unclipped it and held her Master's lightsaber in her hand. He was truly gone.
She drew the blanket over Master Obi-Wan before she could give into the urge to tuck herself under his arm and wait to join him. She clipped both lightsabers to her belt and tried not to make any hysterical comparisons to Grievous.
She walked through to the cockpit, waving the droid through with her. She knew that none of this meant anything to them but she couldn't help but think that the babies should't be in the room with Padmé's body like that. They had lost their entire family in a day and they didn't even know it.
She looked back through the ship, at the desolation of her life. Obi-Wan and Padmé had been friends she knew, but even laid out like this she couldn't help but feel that it looked like something was missing. Someone, perhaps.
She closed the door between them and turned.
She looked out of the view screen for a moment and pretended that the blur was simply the rush of hyperspace. It felt as there was no one else out there. Like the entire galaxy was laid out before her as a barren expanse with only her there to witness it.
For a singular moment she felt very small and very, very alone.
The grief overtook her. Her composure came crashing down around her. Ahsoka cried and cried and cried so hard she almost threw up, which she hadn't even known was possible. She was breathing too hard, there was no air in here and the panic just made her cry harder. She was spiralling, there was nothing left. The pain grew in her head, pain that could only come from a bond being burnt to ash, until there was nothing of it left but the memory. She wanted to lose herself in it, to give in completely.
A cry brought her back to the present. She may have felt like a child but she was not the youngest here by a long shot.
A chime from the droid and a noise from one of the children.
She was sat curled in the pilot's chair and but she tried to arrange herself properly. She uncurled her legs from under her and tried to straighten. It was second nature to compartmentalise. She took a moment to calm herself and then, before she was ready, the droid was placing one of the squalling infants in her arms. A baby, an actual baby.
"Which one is this?" She asked the droid, her voice thick.
L-U-K-E came the answer in careful binary.
She held him closer and tired to find anything familiar in his newborn features. "Hi, Luke." She said softly, "I'm your Aunt Ahsoka."
She raised a finger to trace his features, a tiny little cheek, a snub of a nose. She looked helplessly between him and his sister.
"I'll keep you safe, I promise. I'll keep you both safe."
And on they sped, silently, to Alderaan.
—-
Ahsoka didn't know what kind of picture she made walking down the ramp of the Skiff sixteen hours later but from the way people started running she was willing to bet it wasn't a good one. She'd left the droid behind in and barely waited for ship to settle before she was hitting the release for the door. She barely registered the fresh air of the open landing pad or the tall spires of the royal palace rising around her. Her focus was on planting her feet and not stopping the two infants that she carried.
She felt numb as she looked down at them. She had cared for them as best she could since the unthinkable and numbness and despair had cycled through her in turn. The only thing that had kept her moving was the knowledge that these children needed her and she was the only one left to care for them.
There was the sound of approaching feet. She spared a passing thought to be grateful she currently felt little indeed, hollowed out as she was, or the sensation of the children being gently, but firmly, pried out of her arms might have been the last straw. As it was seeing them be adjusted in the arms of the medical personnel who had formed the landing party was a relief, even if she did terribly adrift all of a sudden.
Someone grabbed her arm to steady her and it was only after an intense moment where she forced her mind to focus that she realised who stood before her. Bail Organa looked down at her and she tried to summon any feeling at the sight of him. There should have been relief.
He looked past her to the open door and back. Her eyes burned again and she shook her head. Surely she should have run out of tears by now, and yet still they threatened.
"Very well." He said, blinking himself. "Come, Ahsoka. There is much to be done." He led her from the ship and she found herself leaning heavily on his arm. She had emerged from battles with more strength that this, hell, she had fought Grievous and emerged in better straights. She would gladly have taken a battle over this.
Bail passed her into the care of several attendants and nurses still waiting to receive her. She was well enough to realise she was being herded and corralled but she had not the energy to protest. Someone was speaking to her in low and soothing tones while another gently led her on. They were treating her like a Shiny, she realised. She couldn't bring herself to care. She only managed to stir from her stupor when they tried to lead her away from the nurses in front.
"No." She said sharply, "With the children."
There was a flutter and some clucking but she tuned it out. She only allowed herself to be moved when she saw they were in one group again. She couldn't bare the thought of letting them too far away, not after she had been the only thing caring for them. They would have many caring for them now, she supposed, with everything they needed and with people far more experienced than her. Still, she would go with them. Just for now, just until she was sure.
Eventually they came to a med bay. The children were placed in bio-cribs and she was led to the edge of a bio-bed. She sat on the edge of and felt her body bow forward. She was tired, exhausted even, but she knew there would be no sleep for her. There could be no balm for this. Even now the Force sang discordantly, in misery around her. No, there would be no respite for some time yet.
She did not know how long she remained until she looked up and Bail Organa was once again before her. He was speaking to a Med-droid but cut off when he saw her looking at him.
He went to her. "How are you?" He asked eventually. She didn't answer but he nodded nonetheless. "Of course. I am…so very sorry Ahsoka, for your loss."
He had found the bodies then. She knew she should try and say the same for him, Padmé had been a dear friend of his, she knew. Master Kenobi as well but… she opened her mouth but the words did not come.
She tried again and managed, though the words caught in her throat. "I tried, Senator. I really did try."
He was beside her in an instant and it wasn't right that he was comforting her, they had both lost people, but his arm went round her shoulders and she found yet more tears in her. She should be horrified, she should be embarrassed at the spectacle she was making of herself. The Senator had always been kind to her but she was meant to be Jedi and far above be above this. It didn't seem to matter.
She saw him wave a med-droid forward as her crying became breathier and each breath shallower. She was working herself into a panic again and the awareness of it did nothing to stop it.
"Rest now, Ahsoka." He said as she felt the compression of a hypospray at her neck. It felt like a cool rush through her and she felt, with some relief, a dullness begin to take her over. "Rest a while."
She fell back into the bio-bed and felt someone place her arms comfortably by her sides. It was the last thing she knew before the false serenity of the sedative stole her awareness.
When she awoke she did not know how many hours had passed. She came back to herself slowly, first the ache in her head and then the reluctance to open her eyes and face what had become of the world. When she could finally leave it no longer she sat up.
The light had changed, the day had transitioned into afternoon. She could hear the smooth glide of med-droid across the room and when she turned to look she found no less than three going about their routines.
Slowly, she swung her feet from the bed and tested her weight. When her legs held her, she stood. There was a moment of vertigo but it passed leaving her upright. It was strange, that she could be this unbalanced, this weighed down with pain in her chest and her mind and yet her body remained whole and well. There was strength in her yet and it almost felt like a betrayal when she thought of the weakness of Master Obi-Wan's last hours in the galaxy.
She pushed the thought away.
She crossed the room slowly to where the droids had gathered. There, still laying in their cribs, were the two babies she had taken from their mother and brought here. They made rather a better showing like this she thought. Washed and dressed in the peculiar clothes that humans often swaddled their infants in they were a far cry from what she had managed.
One of the droids made an alarmed noise when it saw her peering down at them- "Padawan Tano, I really must protest-", but she silenced in with an impatient wave of her hand.
Their cribs had been labelled in a careful calligraphy, Luke on the left and Leia on the right. They must have found the records from the emergency droid on the ship.
Now she looked closer, and now they had time to look less like wizened old men, she could see the differences more clearly. They were of a size with one another but Luke's mouth was thinner than his sister's, his hair a lighter shade than the downy wisps she had. She looked at them, entranced, as Luke kicked one tiny little leg. Uncoordinated and purposeless but movement. She placed her hand into Leia's crib, finger extended and was surprised at the force of the grip she had. She wanted to laugh. How peculiar, she hadn't thought she ever would again.
"Padawan Tano?"
She jumped as if a blaster had gone off behind her. She hadn't heard the door open behind her. She turned her back on the children absurdly feeling as if she had been caught in the act of doing something wrong. The protocol droid that had called her name said nothing about it, of course it hadn't.
"Padawan Tano, the Queen and Viceroy have asked me to extend an invitation to join them when you find yourself able at your earliest convenience."
She looked at it. "Ahsoka." She said eventually. "I don't think I'm a Padawan anymore."
It inclined its head. "Mistress Tano, the Queen and Viceroy have asked me to extend an invitation to-"
"I got it, I got it."
The droid waited, presumably there to shepherd her to the meeting, and she felt the backlit eyes on her as she fussed with the sheets on her bio-bed. It likely be changed by the time she came back but she made sharp corners and smoothed the cover back. She was reluctant to leave this room. She looked at the cribs in the corner, reassuring herself.
"Okay, I'm ready."
She followed the droid through the halls of the palace, and tried not to make any comparisons. It was open and airy, she could see the far mountains in the distance, but for all the differences it still made her think of the Temple. She missed the vaulted ceilings, the cool tiled floors and mosaics. The thought of the slaughter within as the ruins lay smoking made her feel shaky once more. She tried to push it away.
She tried to think of other things. The cleanliness of the halls down which she was being led made her acutely aware of her own state. Someone had cleaned her boots while she slept before laying them back next to her but the rest of her remained dishevelled. Her mouth felt too dry, her skin as well, as though the fires of Mustafar had followed her even here. She felt her silka beads against her lekku with every step and resisted the urge to still them with her hand.
"Through here, Mistress." Said the droid as it opened a door and stepped back to allow her through first.
It led through to a chamber, open but secluded. Painted in warm golds and yellows and filled with the sun it looked a place of comfort though she felt none as she looked around. Through the large glass wall she looked over palace gardens, blue sky and mountains once more. It was a serene view but all she could think of was vantage spots and sight lines.
"Ahsoka." Said Bail, sweeping forward to greet her. She bowed her head and tried to put out the thought of him holding her shoulder while she wept herself into sleep. "How are you feeling?" He asked quietly.
"Better, Senator. Thank you." She said bowing her head once more as she stepped away and tried to find somewhere unobtrusive to stand. She had thought that she would be meeting the Senator and his wife Queen Breha but indeed there were more throughout the room. Some of them she knew, some of them she knew only the faces or reputations of throughout the Senate.
She wondered briefly why she was there as she catalogued each face. There were people she knew from the GAR, a politician or two, a Senator here and there, a queen. She looked around them in puzzlement before realising with a cold flush what role she played. She must be there as a representative of the Jedi. She must have been the best they could get. They had thought they were getting Master Obi-Wan, The Negotiator, and instead…well, here she was instead. Seventeen years old and a padawan to boot.
Queen Breha stood and though the room had been quiet a deathly silence fell.
"Friends," she began, "I am afraid we live in dark days indeed. The Republic has fallen in all but name. An Emperor sits at the head of it and hands down his edicts from where democracy once ruled. We have gathered you here as we believe that everyone in this room has little reason to rejoice in the word 'empire.'"
Bail broke in, "Though this may come as a shock to some," he said as his eyes swept over the room, "this has been brewing for some time now. These events did not pass without warning. Agreements have been made, alliances sealed." He paused and looked down at his hands. Ahsoka saw the frown pass over his brow but when he spoke his voice was clear. "We have already seen the first casualty of this new Empire. Senator Padmé Amidala was a dear friend to me and I shall miss her profoundly. I know I am not alone in this. In the absence of a legitimate form of government it was she who first helped to form what shall no doubt be seen as a terrorist movement by those in power, a rebellion against the imperial power to which we now find ourselves yoked."
He continued on but Ahsoka gathered only the gist of his speech. Padmé had been forming a rebellion even before the Chancellor took over? Anakin had always insisted the man was good and just, a paternal figure only interested in furthering the light of democracy in the galaxy and Ahsoka had had no reason to disbelieve him, but…she had never seen what Anakin had seen. But she had certainly never foreseen this either.
She looked at the other occupants of the group as Bail and Breha took turns in outlining what their future would look like under a Galactic dictator. Hesitantly she reached out with the Force. She shifted nebulously around the minds of admirals and senators. There was fear, the Force was thick with the miasma of it, desolation at the destruction of a millennia of democracy and a swirling mass of uncertainty. She submerged herself in it deeper and felt a twinge of relief. There was no rotten core of betrayal here. Fear, even the occasional note of horror but no immediate dark knot of treachery.
The discussion went on as the sun of the system inched by degrees overhead. Eventually Senator Mothma, one of the faces she had recognised initially, spoke, "It was agreed originally to keep these plans secret for fear of retribution, but this is no longer feasible. The Rebellion must live and we must guide it. We must all lend our aid to restore that which is most dear to us. To the Republic."
"To the Republic." Chorused the voices around Ahsoka with varying degrees of strength.
"For the Republic." She whispered.
The distinguished persons around her began to disband, melting away as she heard snatches of conversation. There were plans to be put into action she understood, supplies to be brought forward and people to call. She let all of it wash over her as she was ignored once more, a rock in a flowing river.
"Ahsoka." Said Bail over the top of the murmur, "Join us for a moment won't you?"
She waited until all had filed out except Bail and Breha. Senator Mothma nodded at her as she left, a pained expression on her face. Ahsoka wondered if it was for herself or for her.
"I am sorry you were dragged into this." Said Bail when she drew closer, "But we thought it best you were here. There is much to discuss."
Ahsoka looked down. "I'm afraid I can't be much help on Jedi matters, Senator. I..I am unsure if there is an Order left."
Breha looked at her as though weighing her abilities. Ahsoka knew she should straighten but could not bring herself to care. "What did you feel in the room here today, child?"
"Breha-" Bail began but she spoke over him.
"Is that not the word? I was given to believe that Jedi could sense the atmosphere around them in a way we can not. I want to know her opinion."
"Never mind the word it is not the time. We spoke about this-"
Ahsoka broke in, "They're scared. Everyone was scared. Some more than others but no one was… pleased about the Empire."
"Good." Said Breha. "These are not pleasing times."
"But… no one felt bad." Ahsoka continued. When Breha raised a brow she tried to find a more accurate word. She had never spent much time trying to explain the Force to those who could not sense it by themselves. "I didn't feel any…duplicity. That doesn't mean anything is certain." She added quickly, "It's just what I felt.
Breha looked grim still, but gratified. Bail sighed. Together they retired to a circle of chairs at the window. Ahsoka tried not to fidget uncomfortably at the multitude of angles it afforded anyone looking at them.
Bail began. "We have had contact from Master Yoda."
"Master Yoda is here?" Asked Ahsoka and for the first time felt a little of her despondency lift. If Master Yoda had survived maybe others could have too. In any case he would know what to do, or at least better than her. At least some of this burden would be lifted.
"Not here." Said Bail gently. "He received Obi-Wan's transmission. He is ensuring that the Temple cannot be used as a trap for any unwary Jedi looking for answers. But he will be here soon."
Ahsoka remembered shaking hands at the transmission frequencies and quietened. Still, she told herself, he would be here soon.
"And there are other arrangements to be made." Said Breha almost gently. At Ahsoka's blank look she elaborated, "Funeral arrangements."
"Oh."
She hadn't thought of this. Of course, there must be funeral arrangements.
"Forgive us," said Bail, "but we know little of the Jedi customs in this matter."
Ahsoka tried to find her voice, though when she did it was husky. "He should…he should be cremated. Normally we'd have…people would…"
She trailed off. There was no one left to attend save herself and the Senator. She was in the unique position of having witnessed his funeral before, she supposed. She tried to remember back to the aftermath of Master Obi-Wan's supposed death at the hands of Rako Hardeen. There had been people there, many of them from the Order but not all. There had been a blonde woman next to her that wouldn't quite stifle her sobbing. She had been bereft then too, but at least she had had her master to cling to in the storm emotions that overtook her. She had had Master Plo next to her during the ceremony. She had never thought she would look back and wish for those times again but a bounty hunter had been easier to accept at least.
"It will have to be a private affair." Said Bail gently, "No one must know I'm afraid. Padmé…Padmé has already been sent to Naboo. They will mourn for her there but I am afraid there is no one left to claim Master Kenobi."
"He wouldn't mind." She said, her voice thick once more. She scrubbed a hand across her eyes though it came away dry. "Would you do me a favour?" She asked and as she did so reached and tugged at her silka beads. They came free with a resounding snap. "Would you make sure he has these?"
Bail took them from her carefully, looking at them closely. They glinted in the lowering sun. "Are you sure?"
She nodded. There was no more Jedi Order and nothing would be as it was. She was no longer a Padawan to a Master. There was a time when she had almost given these to Anakin, given up the Order altogether when they had turned on her. He was the one who had folded them back into her hands, he was the one who had convinced her to stay, to change the Order from the inside. She had thought the next time she would give them to him would be at her knighting ceremony. Another failure, to count with the other. "I'm sure."
Bail closed his hand around them and for a moment she wondered if he would ask if she would not go with him to see Master Obi-Wan one last time. But he did not and she was glad. She didn't think she could take seeing him again and certainly not by herself. She looked down and hoped they would let her go. She didn't know where she would go but she felt the need to be anywhere else. Everything was moving too fast, she was sure that at minute now she was going to lose her feet and be swept away with the tide.
"There is one more thing." Breha said, "We must discuss the children."
"What about them?" She asked. She thought of them in their cribs, hallways away but safe, safe for now. "Are they alright?"
"They're fine." Bail said soothingly, "But there has been word from Master Yoda on the matter. He believes it would be wise to separate them."
"But…but you can't." She said nonsensically. Clearly they could, and clearly Master Yoda thought it for the best.
"Master Yoda said that given their paternity they would be recognisable to others aware of the Force. It is necessary to hide them."
Ahsoka looked at Breha, wide eyed. She spoke as though her words were parroted from an explanation she had heard though not fully understood. Ahsoka could not find the vocabulary to describe what she wished to. Anakin had burnt brightly in the Force, sometimes too brightly to look at directly. He had been strong and passionate and Ahsoka would remember the signature of him for the rest of her days. How could she describe that to someone who had no awareness of what they could not see? Ahsoka couldn't explain the concept, she didn't have the vocabulary and neither of the Organas would be able to make sense of it even if she did. The children shone, just like their father, even so early in their short lives and the thought of separating them was already anathema. Hadn't they lost enough already? Surely there was little else that could be taken from them.
"For their safety, Ahsoka." Urged Bail, "If the Empire knew whose they are they would never be safe. The Emperor would target them as he targeted their father."
She felt sick. "But where would they go?" She asked.
Bail looked at his wife. "We could take the girl. Adoption is common here and we have often spoken of adopting a baby girl. She would be loved with us."
"And Luke?"
"On the data-logs Obi-Wan mentioned an uncle, they have family on Tatooine. We could send the boy there, make sure he remains safe, as far away from the Empire as we can send him.
She couldn't stand it. "And what about me? How am I meant to look after them like that?"
"Oh Ahsoka, you will have a place in the rebellion for as long as you want it. Help us bring down this Empire so that the galaxy may be safer for children like them everywhere."
It still felt so intricately wrong to entertain the idea of separating them. She wanted to argue but she had precious little fight left in her.
"There is more to say," Said the Queen with an air of finality, "and there will be time to say it in. For now, let us adjourn. There are many arrangements to be made."
She swept from the room and Bail followed after her with a backwards glance at Ahsoka.
She remained in her chair a while longer. Separation; surely that couldn't be the only way? Would one twin not burn as brightly as the other, even far apart? Any Force user would be able to sense them even at a distance. She tried to tell herself it was not her place to question Master Yoda. What was she in the face of 900 years of experience? But a small and ugly voice in her head whispered her things she did not want to hear: the council did not always know best. Had not the council failed to stop the fall of the Republic? Was it not them that listened to the Chancellor and made use of the men who would gun down their entire Order? Why were they still making the decisions?
She shook herself from her stupor and stood. There was no droid to lead her back to the children but she followed the presence of them back to the room. It was easy to retrace her steps and a tension fell from her when she saw the both of them again.
It was time for their bottle apparently. She'd only meant to watch the nurse-droid feed them but when it registered her hovering it corralled her into a chair and handed her a child- Leia.
"I don't know how." She said blankly. It had never been a relevant skill, she thought, somewhat hysterically. Even the youngest in the creche were old enough to feed themselves. She'd literally never had to-
But the droid was moving her just so. It put the bottle in her hand, shifted her elbow and adjusted the angle of her arm. And then, as if by accident, she was feeding a baby her bottle for the first time.
"Oh." She breathed as she watched. Leia's eyes were a dark blue, just like her brother's but darker than her father's had been. Ahsoka wondered if they would stay that way, she'd heard somewhere that human infants changed their eye colour as they grew. Well, that could be the same of many species, including hers, she'd have no way of knowing.
All too quickly the bottle was done. She wanted to protest but the droid simply swapped children as it put Leia over one shoulder, patting her little back gently. She finished feeding Luke and hesitantly did the same, lifting him to her shoulder, minding her lekku, and patting him gently on the back. He was an oddly solid weight. She didn't know why but just from the fragility of looking at them she had assumed they would be light.
And so the next three days went.
She spent nearly all of her time with the children. It was so easy to block out the rest of the world when there were more immediate concerns such as who was drinking how much milk and which nappy needed changing. That last one had been an unpleasant surprise but she had taken to it with all the grace of a battlefield commander. If that commander had screwed up her face so hard she thought it might stick that way.
For the most part she was left alone. Queen Breha came to the nursery once or twice and held Leia with a look of such longing on her face that Ahsoka almost felt she was intruding. No one else approached her, not even those who had been in the seditious gathering of which she had been a part, though she saw some of them about the palace. The only time she left the room was when one of the nurses decreed it time for a walk, at which point the children were lifted summarily into a pram and paraded about the private gardens. Ahsoka had no idea if it was good for the children but she knew little about children in general, so she went with them. Her own two lightsabers were always clipped to her belt but tucked under her outer robe as a concession to the peace of the palace.
it was strange indeed to see there was peace left in any part of the galaxy, but here was the proof. Even the Empire had yet to touch the Royal Rose Garden of Alderaan.
She knew they were in a holding pattern. The palace was waiting with bated breath to see what the Emperor would do first, while the Emperor waited to see if any treason would come forth unprompted. Ahsoka was just waiting for the arrival of Master Yoda. Overnight her future had become something she could no longer recognise.
So instead of worrying about it she simply followed after the children on their walks and then returned with them back to their room. There was no nursery yet but the children slept well enough in their room together. Ahsoka had so far resisted any attempts to move her elsewhere. There was nowhere else she would go. Sometimes, in between the feeds and walks and visits she would just watch over the children and know that least there was someone between them and the rest of the galaxy who would protect them with everything they had. She wasn't much suited to anything else but she could protect them if it came to that.
Sometimes she would just wait with them and watch over them.
It was one of these times after an afternoon turn around the secluded grounds that Bail found her. She had been trying to remember any of the songs from her own youth. They had had songs in the creche, she knew. She could still hum the melodies of some of the them but the words eluded her. So she sat with both of the children in a single crib as she tried to remember the words, humming her way past the ones that were lost.
"There is only one river, there is only one sea." She sang softly, rocking them gently with one hand, "And it flows through you, and it flows through me." She hummed the next few bars, the level of annoyance she felt somewhat disproportionate.
"A bit early to start them on the Jedi code, is it not?" Came a jovial voice from behind her.
She had heard the door open and she turned to find Bail Organa standing in it, trying to smile as though he meant it.
"It's the only one I can remember." She said and he must have realised it was true as his forced levity fled his face. She took her hand from the crib and folded both of them together, as though she had been caught doing something illicit. She wondered if he pitied her.
"Of course." He said and then cleared his throat. "I come bearing an invitation. There's going to be a bit of an affair tonight, a state dinner of sorts. Appearances must unfortunately be maintained. We were wondering if you would like to attend."
It was couched politely but for all Ahsoka had learned from her master she had also learned from her grandmaster. She knew better than to turn down a royal invite, even from friends. "I'd be delighted."
"Of course, we can't publicly admit you're here but the palace has many rooms, and much privacy to offer."
She nodded and again and wondered if she was the only one who was not meant to be here or if Alderaan was already taking in the refugees of the Republic.
Finally Bail smiled as if he meant it. "And now the business is out of the way I can reveal my true reason for visiting." He said as he looked into the crib. He picked up one of the children and held them the way Ahsoka had only been taught days ago but still felt the need to assess to see if he was doing it properly. He was.
"And who do we have here?" He asked.
"That's Luke." Ahsoka said and then watched to see if he would put him down, swap him for Leia. He did not. In fact he seemed delighted in the child he held, no less delighted than he was when Ahsoka eventually picked up Leia and he saw her face, her sparse downy hair. He would make a wonderful father, Ahsoka realised, even if they could not be convinced to take both of them. She did not want to cry anymore especially not again in front of the Bail again and so she tried not to imagine Anakin in his place. She had no frame of reference, fathers were yet another thing with which she had little practical experience, but she had to imagine he would have been thrilled. She had to believe it.
Eventually the sun began its downward journey and Bail had to leave. He left with instructions and times. It was good of them to include her, she thought distantly. They didn't have to.
But still, the evening came quickly and before long it was time for her to leave as well, followed yet another protocol droid, this one buffed to a high sheen. She had a laundered set of clothes but they were no finer than the ones she was wearing. She settled for washing her face and straightening her outer robe to make sure neither of the sabers at her belt showed before leaving. She was to be secluded from the main party anyway, no one would see her.
When she arrived she saw that she had not been totally correct. The dinner itself was being held in a long dinning room in the palace. The table must have sat fifty at least, all of them wearing fine fabrics and jewels catching the light on many a wrist and neck. The table was well dressed and the whole room pleasantly suffused in light, the high ceiling holding a thousand tiny lights designed to flicker like candles. It lent the room a pleasant air, open but warm, delightfully familiar without having to sacrifice any of its grandeur. Breha sat at the head of the table, her hair wound twice around her head and her dress something that Ahsoka could imagine Padmé wearing. Bail sat next to her, more plainly dressed, but standing to shake hands with every guest that entered the hall to find their own seat.
Ahsoka took it all in from her place high above the milling crowd. It looked like a balconet, set high into the wall, a recess hidden behind it. From behind the screen she could see every face that entered though if they had even thought to look up they would not have seen her. It gave her some security to think of being hidden in the shadows. She was not alone either; it seemed she had been right earlier, there was a group around ten of them in the room. Obviously she was not the only face that could not be seen in public. She recognised some of the faces from the meeting days before but one or two were new to her.
She tried to make herself relax as they all sat in a parody of the meal happening below them. The people around her were tense but none of them with each other. Being hidden together fostered a strange camaraderie it seemed and as the meal wore on and the genteel chatter from below drifted upwards she found it in herself to unbend a little.
One of them, a human male with milk white skin, told her that what they were sat in was a gallery, originally used to hide musicians as they played for the dining guests below. Another leant across and asked if she played anything and did not seem to particularly care when she said she did not. It was a strange thing, to be pulled along in the ebb of another's perfectly normal conversation, but she allowed it even if only because the cadence of it was soothing. They were standing on less ceremony than the guests below she thought. At some point her fellow guests had separated into casual conversational groups, all of the topics deliberately vapid. It gave her the space she wanted to excuse herself and look at the guests below once more.
They were making a good showing of it, she thought. Breha looked in her element and Bail seemed to be holding courts magnificently, the only sign of strain how close they kept to each other, angled so as to be almost back to back.
She watched for a little while longer as course after course appeared and was picked at. She knew from experience and long stories that these events could go on for hours. She was just about to take her chair once more when she sensed something from the room below. A flicker of disturbance beneath the forced cheer.
A messenger ran up to the Queen. The man bent and spoke briefly in her ear, before handing her a missive. Breha looked down at the flimsi for a few moments before looking back up. She did nothing so damning as dropping her head to her hands but Ahsoka could feel the sudden perturbation. As if attuned to his wife's distress Bail turned to her. She gripped his hand briefly.
She stood and the entire hall fell silent, murmurs dying on lips, the chink of cutlery suspended.
When she spoke her voice carried to the end of the hall, clear and bell like. It rose so that even hidden as she was Ahsoka felt every word as it reverberated in her chest.
"Friends," She began, "citizens, I have just this moment received our first missive from our new and esteemed Emperor. He wishes to congratulate us on Alderaan's fine legacy of loyalty. He commends us for remaining stalwart in the face of the Old Republic's treachery and corruption and bids us to place our trust in him and the new future he will build." Breha paused and looked down in the flimsi in her hand and when she read she read from what was in front of her. "He sees no reason why, if we should pledge our allegiance and fidelity to him, he would not allow us to continue to live in the traditional ways." Ahsoka saw her shoulder rise as she was forced to continue on and wondered if the others could hear the suppressed anger in her voice, "But he reminds us that unless we publicly declared ourselves to be loyal Imperial subjects the long arm of the Empire will reach for us…and we will find the grasp of his apprentice Darth Vader is strong indeed." She put the message down on the table with no unwarranted force but the disgust and indignation was rolling of her in waves. Bail had a hand on her arm and her stony face could not be compelled into a smile. Around her the murmurs broke back out among her guests but tense, as many a worried eye cast a long look at the head of the table.
Ahsoka saw none of it. She saw nothing. She heard nothing.
It felt like her heart had frozen in her chest, a terrible fear shot through her veins, her bones, her very nerves.
Anakin was alive.
It should have brought a wild joy but instead it brought about a dread so black that she felt she was turned to lead. How could he possibly still live? Why hadn't Obi-Wan checked? How could he be alive?
Breha said if they didn't declare then he would be coming here. A Sith, walking through Alderaan. A Sith walking through the open halls of the palace, walking through the galleries and rose gardens and nurseries.
Below the hall had somewhat resumed its former shape if not its cheer. At the head Bail and Breha still presided. Bail was pallid and his wife was rigid. They held hands openly on the table.
Ahsoka's fingers were white on the screen.
They would be forced to stay there until the very end. This was but the beginning, she could see it playing out before her eyes. Public shows of deference and obeisance while the rebellion grew beneath the surface. They would have to play the loyal subjects publicly. This was the first instance in a very long show to come.
"Will you excuse me?" She heard herself say to the room at large. She was ignored; her dining companions had broken out in whispers amongst themselves, hushed but more vitriolic than below, unwatched as they were. None of them noticed her slip from the room.
Her mind whirled wildly as she ran. She encountered nobody, the halls empty as the guests dined. A part of her remained on Mustafar. She had seen the terrible blow that had killed Master Obi-Wan and the pain that he bled in the Force that had nothing to do with it. He had emerged the victor of that duel and there had been no doubt in her mind that he had left her master dead upon the rivers of lava. It had broken her clean in two but now the very notion of Anakin alive spurred her onwards. He could not be allowed here. She had seen the slaughter. She had seen the holo-footage of him heading the columns of clones through the Temple. She had thought she had known him. She had certainly loved him.
But she had seen the footage of the younglings.
They could not remain here. Not within reach of the Empire.
She was sprinting, there was no time to plan. She skidded into the room where she had been staying with the twins and looked around wildly. They were there, the nurse-droids preparing them for one of their many walks while the gardens were empty.
They barely had time to greet her before they fell under the flash of her lightsaber. It was no different from the clankers.
"Hush now, hush." She said desperately as Luke started crying. She wanted to spare a moment to comfort him but there was no time. It felt like Vader was already stalking through the hallways towards them, drawn inexorably by the sound of children crying. She shushed frantically but her hands moved separately. After so many years on the battlefield they did not shake but Ahsoka felt like the rest of her might tremble apart.
She stepped over the remnants of the nurse-droid and stripped the sheet from her bed. She had precious little in the way of possessions but she threw her spare change of clothing into the middle of it and any of the clothing for the twins she could see. She raided the room for the formula the droids were always making up and threw all she could find in as well. Her own two lightsabers were clipped to her but the other two went into the bundle. She gathered the corners and with quick motions tied the bundle the best she could.
Next came the difficult part. She was sure someone would come barrelling in as soon as she lifted Luke from his crib but the door remained. No one had any reason to suspect she was here, she told herself. She felt sick when Luke stopped crying, used to her by now. He had known her the longest out of anyone in his short life.
This was wrong. This was so wrong her entire mind rebelled at it. She was stealing children, becoming the very propaganda that people used to hurl against the Jedi. She knew, with a terrible certainty, that this was the very worst thing that she had done in her entire life.
She strapped Luke into his stroller and went back for his sister.
They wouldn't be separated. I can keep them safe, she told herself on repeat. I can, I can keep them safe. I can hide all of us. I'll take us so far away they'll never find us. She shoved the bundle of their meagre possessions under the pram and took off at a brisk walk. It would be worse to run now. People were used to seeing her walk the children, no one would suspect.
How long before Bail and Breha would find out the girl they had been sheltering had stolen their child? How long before they would believe it?
She cursed herself for not leaving the room more, this would be far easier if she knew her way to the hanger or indeed anywhere at all. The most she could do would be take them up to the landing pad where they had arrived.
They got there without incident though every muscle in her body was taut waiting for someone to raise the alarm. Every shadow became Anakin, every distant echo the guards.
She kept her eyes straight ahead and quickened her step.
There was only one guard on the door. He barely had time to open his mouth before she had raised her hand. It wasn't a skill she had every practiced and truth be told the notion had always made her feel uneasy. But even so, she saw the moment his will bent to hers.
"Open the door, prepare the ship."
She looked at him intently, he must have been older than her but still young. She hoped there wouldn't be any consequences in this for him. He turned on his heel and opened the door. There was a great relief in seeing the J-type they had arrived on. The intervening days had been busy and fraught and it seemed no one had the wherewithal to do more than simply leave Padmé's Star Skiff in one of the parking bays. It would be cramped but they wouldn't need it for long.
She checked anxiously on the twins, both awake but seemingly well. Nothing amiss, she told herself, and then them for good measure.
In front of them the bay flooded with light as the guard began typing in his entry codes to the terminal.
She hurried onwards. There was no time for hesitation, no time for second guessing. She was pushing the twins into the Skiff as soon as the ramp touched down. It had been cleaned at the very least. She would never have guessed that this was where her whole life crashed and burned only three days ago.
Both of the beds were stripped. Artoo was gone.
She pushed through to the cockpit and tethered the stroller securely. She checked the fuel cells. Enough, there was enough. She spared a moment to breathe, just one deep breath before she committed to the terrible act. Her hands were still steady on the controls. It was a set of familiar motions to prepare for take-off. How many times had she done this before? Perhaps never with the stakes so high but this was second nature. Within minutes the ramp was up, the systems set and the calculations for hyperspace already running.
She wrapped her hand around the flight control. She felt the support struts leave the ground. She pushed forward and they continued upwards. For an insane moment she thought she might laugh.
To her right a radio crackled. She cranked it without a second thought but then, after a split second of hesitation, coded a simple message in binary to be set on a loop.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It was the best she could do. Below her the landing pad grew smaller and smaller as they rose. A beep went off to her left as the hyperspeed calculations completed. Blindly she groped with one hand until she felt the stroller. The atmosphere receded as they passed through it.
For the first time there was no back up plan, no help coming or rescue planned. She was responsible for the life of another, for two lives, that utterly depended on her.
In her mind a memory from long ago surfaced, a soft familiar voice.
You're reckless, little one.
Perhaps she was. Perhaps it was madness.
For the first time in her life Ahsoka Tano panicked, and in her panic, fled.
The stars blurred and streaked around them as they settled into hyperspace. She slumped in her seat. They were safe for now, nothing could reach them here.
She looked at the twins and prayed to anyone or anything that was listening that this was the right decision. Ahead of them all a long journey stretched, longer than she could imagine. They would have to find a planet, refuel, trade ships. They would need multiple stops and at some point she was going to have to try and rest. But it didn't matter because at there end of their journey a destination awaited and, Force-willing, safety.
Onwards, she thought, onwards to Tatooine.