Hey guys, I don't know how many people read this, so I'll keep it brief. Financial trouble has been really bringing down my Vibes, so I swallowed my pride and stomped down on my morals: I started a P4TR3ON under the same username as the one here and on Ao3: Bonesboy15
Of the three Tiers I have presently, the lowest is set at a minimum of Three (3) U.S. dollar(s). Included in that tier are exclusive previews of active chapters in progress, member recognition at the end of a chapter, digital updates from the creator (me!), and finally, exclusive content such as original works I've not published ANYWHERE or other unique crossovers such as the long awaited Reading of "Lunar Phases".
Thanks for all those that read my two paragraph long dribble, and major thanks to anyone who goes in on helping me keep the lights on.
AN: Ah, happy to see the A-Team scene rip-off was received well.
Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
Who's That Father?
Just Close Your Eyes
(Then: Gluttony, Beelzehaven, Rave Town)
"Mm, damn I needed this! C'mon, harder–Yes! Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!" Roxanne growled as she rocked forward and held onto the headboard while her shorter partner snarled with each thrust. She swallowed back the whine she wanted to let out when one of his hands wrapped around her left tit and squeezed, which signaled to her that he was ready to hilt inside of her. She growled at him reflexively, "Don't you fucking dare! I'm so fucking close!"
"Well, shit, Rox, do I have to do everything?!" Naruto growled back at her. She barked a "Yes!" and pulled her hips away from his next thrust purposefully to fuck with his tempo. The frustrated snarl her shorter partner let out after that little maneuver made Roxanne fight a grin from spreading across her face. She knew exactly how to rile her fuck buddy up and get the right kind of fucking she absolutely wanted to indulge in.
"You lazy, fucking, sex-addicted–Be grateful you're such a fuckin' knockout Rox!" He grumbled into her ear and caused a different sort of heat to coarse through her system. Though crude in delivery, it was exactly the type of shit she liked to hear when she was getting railed. He pulled his hand away from her chest and nearly dragged his claws along her side until they slipped over her hip to apply a sharp pressure on her clit. She let out a sharp hiss and Naruto growled into her ear again as his fingers started to tweak, rub and tug. "There, is that doing anything for you?"
"Nngh, smug little fuck!" Roxanne growled back as she released the headboard and reached back to hook her arm around the orange hound's neck. She was so fucking close, just a little bit longer and maybe a good tie would do it. To prep him appropriately, Roxanne tilted her head back and nipped at his muzzle. "C'mon, asshole, get me across the line already and maybe I'll let you tie me again."
"You're such a fucking Cocktease." He growled at her before he stilled and pulled back. Before she could get on him for stopping like some kind of clam jamming asshole, he hushed her. "The fuck was that?"
"You're hearing shit, dumbass. Hurry up and get back to–" A faint whine pierced through her growled words and tickled something inside Roxanne that she fought back with all the ferocity a mixed-blooded Hellborn could. No, dammit shit, no! Not when she was this close! She growled her disquiet as she felt her partner start to pull out of her. She grabbed his wrist and tugged on it to keep him inside her. "Don't you fucking dare!"
"I just want to make sure she didn't shit herself Rox."
"She can wait! We all sat in our shit every now and then, Naruto!" Roxanne growled, only for it to falter when a louder whine pierced the air. That fucking little–! That little bitch had to know how close she was to getting off! What kind of bullshit was this?!
"Rox, I am not going to fucking ignore her! You remember what that shit felt like, don't you?!" Naruto snarled at her and she snarled back as a torrent of repressed memories flew to the forefront of her mind, before she relented with a groan and slumped forward on the bed. He jerked his wrist from her hand and hopped off before he strode out to the crying puppy.
Roxanne crossed her arms and scowled at nothing in particular as she started to feel the very apparent emptiness in her smouldering loins. Fucking brat, always took priority to him and fuck her for finding that shit attractive. She just had to wait until he lost interest in pretending to give a shit, all of the fucking Hounds did eventually.
He's already fucking got me, the ungrateful short fuck! Roxanne thought around a growl before she huffed and closed her eyes. It's fine. He'd get over taking care of the little shit eventually, dump her ass in an orphanage and go back to being the hot headed dipshit she was enam–no, Roxanne was not going to use that word. He was a hot headed, dipshit that she lusted for. She didn't love him, and if she did, it wasn't like there was a Flower to get in her way anymore.
No, it was Roxanne's fucking time now, almost three years later than it should have been, but she'd been patient enough to wait for this opening. She just had to be a little more fucking patient to lock down her Hound. It was only a matter of time.
(Now: Pride, I.M.P. Offices)
It had been a week since Sinsmas, and she still had a lot of leftovers from Queen Bee's gift. Himawari was a little sad she couldn't talk to her favorite Sin of all time that long. Queen Bee had to leave about four hours after she, Miss Loona and Daddy went to go do some adult work, and only popped back into Grump's room to say a quick goodbye before Nana Nade – who seemed really interested in Miss Loona for some reason; Himawari hoped she wasn't gonna 'talk' to her like she did Roxanne – scared her away. After she left, Daddy and Miss Loona had come back to the room with much brighter smiles on their faces, but Miss Loona was limping a bit and seemed really tired. Both of them smelled nice though, like a fresh box of Honey Snax!
It was weird that they had to take one of the SUVs home, but Miss Loona said something about their car being too small for all of her treats. Daddy muttered something about it being too small for something else and Miss Loona growled another bunch of numbers at him that made him laugh. It made Himawari really optimistic about her birthday wish for next year, since the one this year didn't come true.
She really wanted Miss Loona to be her new Mommy. Miss Loona already said she loved Himawari, and Himawari loved her enough to pretend she was her Mommy, but until Daddy said it was official it was just that: pretend. And that really cussing sucked, because Miss Loona was amazing! She was fun, and cool, and cared about Himawari, and gave her fun nicknames just like Daddy did, and she was gonna let her cuss all the cussing time if there wasn't anyone else in the room!
...That last bit might have really influenced her decision to agree to spending the day with Miss Loona at her work today. Even if they got attacked and snatched away again last time, Himawari wasn't afraid of it happening again. Daddy had promised that he'd always try to come save them before she got hurt again, and Miss Loona promised that she would do everything she could to keep that from happening.
"Mister Moxxie, does this happen a lot?" Himawari asked, looking up at Mister Moxxie while he and Miss Millie watched Miss Loona fight with Mister Blitzø, and she focused on her coloring book. She'd seen enough spars between her Aunts and Uncles that this wasn't too concerning for her and Miss Loona was tough. She had a good idea of who was going to win.
"Not nearly fuckin' enough." Mister Moxxie sighed, a smile on his face as Miss Loona rammed a very pretty picture of Mister Blitzø riding a gorgeous spindly Hellhorse onto the Imp's head. Himawari winced at the damage to the art while Miss Millie smiled up at the other Imp.
"I love it when you get all vindictive, Mox," she said as she scratched his chin. He leaned into it for a moment before she stopped and she sipped from her Hothead's Café coffee cup. "Ahh...Baby, you need to show off your vicious side more often."
"There's a time and a place for that, Millie. Just let me enjoy this for right now." He sighed and took a sip of his coffee. He immediately coughed and looked at his cup as if it betrayed him. "Ugh, too much sugar, not enough cream and there's no caramel...I don't know if I can drink this."
"I'll take it," Himawari said with an eager smile and a wag of her tail. She rarely got to have coffee, Daddy was very particular about what she could eat and when, but Mister Moxxie's drink smelled really good.
"Don't you give her a fucking drop, Fatty! Drink your goddamn coffee and suck it up!" Miss Loona's bark had them look back at her as Mister Blitzø slipped out of the ripped picture before she could crush him along with the frame that splintered in her grasp. "Fucking shit – Goddammit, Blitzø! Quit being a fucking bitch about this! I've asked you for fucking months to look at these apartments and you want to give me shit for doing my fucking job!?"
"Loony, I just think that if you meet me halfway on your, uh, composure and behavior when engaging with clients, I'd be more willing to help you look at some of the places in–Yipe!" Mister Blitzø yelped and ducked under an attempted flying kick. Miss Loona slid along the carpet, her teeth bared as she growled.
"Like you're one to fucking talk!"
"Wait, you're looking at apartments?" Mister Moxxie asked after he forced a gulp of his yummy-smelling coffee down and then scowled. "Why are you even looking at apartments? We can barely afford the rent to work here! Millie and I can barely afford rent at our homes! How would Blitz afford it?!"
"Miss Loona and Mister Blitzø wanna move before Termination Day." Himawari mumbled as she went back to coloring, a little sullen at being blocked from trying out the drink her Daddy and Miss Loona really enjoyed. She felt the two Imps stare at her and she shrugged. "Daddy and Mister Blitzø talked about it on my birthday."
"...Well, that makes more sense." Miss Millie mumbled. "Your Daddy and Loona are close, and he lets her watch you...even after last time."
"That wasn't Miss Loona's fault." Himawari grumbled, giving the Imp a sidelong glare.
"Oh, I know, darlin'. I was just sayin' that your Daddy is mighty protective of you, that's all," Miss Millie said with a smile as Miss Loona pounced again and pinned Blitzø beneath her. The puppy let out a disgruntled rumble before looking up as fists smacked into flesh. She felt her tail start to wag as Miss Loona snarled and punched Mister Blitzø in the face.
"Just! Pick! A! Fucking! Place!" She growled around a series of blows.
"Loony–! Ow! That is not! Hey – shit, ow! Fuckin' stoppit!" Mister Blitzø snarled before he slid out between Miss Loona's legs and scrambled away to hide behind the couch, right behind where Himawari sat. He poked his head out and squinted at her. "This! This is exactly what the fuck I'm talking about! You need to be more of a people person!"
"I am a people person!" Miss Loona growled as she stalked forward.
Himawari was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable being between the two. This didn't feel like a spar anymore, the spars at Daddy's work were kept in the 'Pit', the ring organized and arranged to keep Hellhounds safe and not bring others into the fight. Now, it felt more like a real fight and Himawari didn't like it when Hounds fought. So, she did what she always did whenever she was uncomfortable or scared.
She whined.
Miss Loona's ear twitched and her very, very angry eyes flicked down to meet hers for a quick second. Even if she knew she wasn't angry at her, Himawari had to whine again. Miss Loona's snarl, lips curled back to reveal all of her sharp grown up teeth, shrank just a bit, before she looked back at Mister Blitzø.
"It's not that fucking hard to pick somewhere better than the shithole we live in right fucking now!" She growled. She pointed a claw at Mister Blitzø, and he flinched down. "And if you think I'm doing such a shitty fucking job, why don't you pick someone else to fucking do it?!"
"Well, I...I just might! Yeah!" Mister Blitzø poked up further from behind the couch. He pointed back at Miss Loona. "So, you-you better watch yourself, missy! Or I'll get someone else to be our secretary!"
"...Oh, go fuck yourself, Blitzø," Miss Loona growled, her exposed snarl dropped as she held his gaze. "You wouldn't replace me even if you did find someone else to do the damn job!"
"I will! You'd better believe it, Loona! You're on thin lice, missy! Thin fuckin' lice!" Blitzø warned with a wag of his finger. He pointed at Miss Loona's desk. "Now, g-go to your desk and think about how you can be a better secretary! I don't want to hear anymore about those-those apartments...for at least a half-an hour!"
Miss Loona's snarl dropped down and her ears flicked back as a look of hurt flickered across her face. That was why Himawari didn't like watching Hounds really fight. Hellhounds always got hurt when they really fought and, given how her life's gone for the past few months, she knew how much it hurt to get hurt. That's why she whined again. Miss Loona glanced down at her and then looked back at Mister Blitzø. Her lips curled up to expose fang and she growled at him, before she strode forward and picked Himawari up in a hug.
Himawari didn't complain or protest, she wanted a hug, to be reassured everything was okay. She didn't want Miss Loona to fight with Mister Blitzø anymore, it wasn't fun. She nuzzled against Miss Loona's neck and collar as the older She-Hound gathered her things. Another soft whine slipped out, only for Miss Loona to cut it off as she let out a soft rumble and nuzzled back against her.
"It's okay, Squirt. Just a bunch of grown up bullshit. C'mon, let's go look at some apartments, huh?" The soft question caused Himawari's little tail to wag. She liked looking at apartments and other things with Miss Loona, the older she-hound had an eye for pretty things and things that looked nice.
"Loona, I said–!"
"I'm fucking going and I wasn't fucking talking to you, Blitzø!" Miss Loona barked before they went to her desk. Himawari flinched from the loud snap, but relaxed into Miss Loona's arms as she sat down and turned her computer on. As the Imps of I.M.P. started to bicker about something else – money, maybe? Honestly, Himawari kind of stopped paying attention and caring about the Imps after Miss Loona picked her up – Miss Loona pulled up a realtor page for places in Gluttony. That made Himawari's tail wag a bit more; she liked the idea of Miss Loona living closer to her.
The only way that could be even better was if Miss Loona became her Mommy, but Daddy said he was working on it and that she had to be a little more patient. So, patient Himawari would be, because Himawari was a good girl.
"This one looks alright." Miss Loona muttered as she pulled up a small house picture that looked like Himawari's house. Himawari blinked as she looked at the address. She frowned.
"That says it's in the middle of Rave Town."
"Really?" Miss Loona frowned. "Picture looks nice...Think it's a fake?"
"Might be." Himawari shrugged. She didn't understand why any hound would try to lie about a Rave Town house looking like a Hellhound Heights' house. Most Rave Town houses were for Hounds that liked drugs, snacks or Beelzejuice too much. At least, that's what Daddy said when he talked about their first house.
"Shit, that price seemed too good to be true." Miss Loona muttered. Himawari shrugged again, she didn't get why houses had to cost money, or why anything did, but she knew money was important and that grown ups really cared about it. Well, Daddy didn't, but Grump, Miss Roxanne and Nana Nade would always tell her that wasn't always the case.
The door clicked and Himawari looked up as a teenaged owl demon snuck past the arguing Imps, pressed herself against the wall next to them, and froze upon seeing her and Miss Loona at the desk. The puppy looked at Miss Loona to get her opinion on what they should do. Miss Loona met her gaze, looked at the teenaged owl demon, and then looked back at the computer screen that showed another pretty apartment off. Himawari looked back at the teen, then at the Imps, and then back at Miss Loona.
"Miss Loona, shouldn't we–?"
"I didn't see a client." Miss Loona said, her lips pulling up in a smirk.
Himawari understood instantly: Miss Loona was pranking Mister Blitzø! Her tail started to wag frantically and, eager to be part of a good prank, Himawari looked back at the teen and put a finger to her lips. The teenaged owl demon blinked before her eyes crinkled as she smiled behind her scarf, and then slipped into Mister Blitzø's office. Miss Loona hummed and her ears perked up.
"Hey, what do you think of this one, Squirt?" Miss Loona asked as she clicked a picture of a place in the MidHaven Tower. Himawari's tail, still wagging, picked up speed and her ears perked up.
"Ooh, that's really close to my school and Daddy's work!"
"Is it? That's not a bad price..." Miss Loona mumbled as she gently stroked down Himawari's hair and back. A whoosh from Mister Blitzø's office had Himawari's ears swivel back, but she determinedly focused on the pictures in front of her. Miss Loona hummed. "Huh, and it's got three bedrooms..."
"But don't you and Mister Blitzø live alone?" she asked.
"Wouldn't you like somewhere to stay if your dad's out on another mission?" Miss Loona asked with a small smile. Himawari gasped and her tail started to wag.
"A playroom?!"
"I was going to suggest a room just for you, Heema."
"But I could just stay with you, couldn't I? For another sleepover?" Himawari frowned. Miss Loona started before she gently hugged Himawari close again.
"Okay, then it can be a playroom, since you're a cuddly little Squirt." She mumbled and nuzzled against Himawari's head. Himawari nuzzled back before they went back to exploring the available apartment or others like it. They did that for some time before the doors to I.M.P. were flung open once again.
"Blitsy!" The cry had both She-Hounds look up at the arrival of a larger owl demon. Miss Loona let out a soft growl. Himawari looked at her and her wagging tail went still. The older She-Hound must've noticed the puppy's nerves get the best of her because she smiled and gently scratched her behind the ear, which caused Himawari to relax.
"It's just Blitzø's sugar daddy. Don't worry about it, Squirt."
"What's a sugar daddy?" Himawari asked. Miss Loona froze and made a face like she ate a bunch of Sour Snack'ums at once, like Zara did at her birthday party on a dare from Aslen.
"Uh...Ask your Dad later, okay?"
"Okay!" Himawari chirped with a smile, her tail picking up. Miss Loona went to say something else when her ear swiveled towards the Imps and the tall owl demon. She smirked and held Himawari's gaze.
"Tell me if the face Blitzø makes is worth taking a picture of, alright?" She whispered before she half turned to call over her shoulder. "Oh, yeah, I think you have a visitor in your office!"
Himawari poked her eyes up over Miss Loona's shoulder to look at the Imps and the Owl Demon and sure enough, Mister Blitzø made the same Sour Snack'ums face. She couldn't help the giggles that slipped out and Miss Loona's smirk grew wider.
"That good, huh?"
Himawari nodded and then shrunk back as the tall owl demon started to walk over to them. Mister Blitzø tried to call him back, but the owl demon assured him that he was going to use Noble Etiquette rather than trying to force anything. He stood up really tall – he was almost as tall as Uncle Rex! – and strode up to their desk.
"Miss, er, Loona, is it? Could we trouble you for...your...Blitzy, you never told me you adopted another Hellhound! Oh, aren't you an adorable little thing? And so friendly with your big sister!" The owl demon cooed. Himawari's brow furrowed and her nose scrunched up. She didn't want Miss Loona to be her sister! She wanted her to be her Mommy!
"She's not my sister." Loona growled as she tightened her arm around Himawari. "And he didn't adopt her!"
"Oh. Then is this some sort of outreach programme–?...Oh! Oh my–I am terribly sorry, I'm just so distressed by my daughter's disappearance. Of course, this must be your paramour's puppy. My mistake." The owl demon smiled down at them and focused on Himawari, which caused Miss Loona to let out a very quiet growl.
It reminded her of the first time she met Great Duke Vepar – "Oh, aren't you adorable? You can call me your 'Grunkle Vepar', Little Sunflower." "You don't have to call him that, Pickle. She does not have to call you that." "Ha ha! Of course not! I wouldn't demand such a thing from a puppy! But! I wouldn't mind it if she did, that's all" – at her fifth birthday party. A powerful demon was in front of her, not as strong as Queen Bee, but definitely not a demon that was a pushover, either. The owl demon continued to smile at her.
"Hello there, little one," he said. A dainty hand pressed to his fancy-pants suit. "I am Prince Stolas, heir apparent of King Paimon. What is your name?"
"Himawari." She muttered, a small whine slipping out from the intensity of his gaze.
"That is a beautiful name." Prince Stolas smiled at her and then at Miss Loona, who continued to quietly growl. Himawari leaned into Miss Loona's embrace and found comfort with her. The Goetic Spirit cleared his throat. "Loona, I implore you, can you help us track Octavia?"
"...Who the fuck is Octavia?" Miss Loona grumbled.
"My daughter." Prince Stolas deadpanned.
"Ohh, that makes sense." Himawari mumbled. She shrunk down when Prince Stolas looked at her again. "You smell like stardust. And-and you're both owls."
"...So we are! You're a clever little one, aren't you?" Prince Stolas chuckled and smiled at her. He looked at Miss Loona. "Well?"
"...Ugh, fuck, fine. If it'll get you off my back, just gimme a damn second." Miss Loona mumbled as she turned back to the computer and minimized the screen. She looked at Himawari and sighed. "Let's go, Squirt. The Noble needs a Hellhound to pull their ass out of the fire. Again."
"I don't need anyone to do anything for me, it is just easier to have you use the abilities you were born with–!"
"Stolas, just, speaking from experience on this one? Shut the fuck up." Mister Blitzø sighed as he rubbed his face when Miss Loona walked past with Himawari on her hip. As they walked into his office, Himawari immediately noticed a smell that made her cover her nose.
"Ew! Why does it smell so bad?!" She whined.
"Piss...Desperation...Ugh, L.A." Miss Loona said with a grimace as she backed out of the room.
"Good, we have a starting point. Let's go, people!" Mister Blitzø swirled a clawed finger by his head. "Loony, leave the puppy here–"
"Yea, no." Miss Loona deadpanned as she faced the Imp and tilted her head. "If you need me to go, she comes with me. If you need me to stay, she stays with me. Bottom line, I'm not leaving Heema alone again if I can't get back here within ten minutes."
"Well, where the fuck is her asshole father?!"
"Daddy's got a lot of meetings today with his 'vestors!" Himawari chirped, answering before Miss Loona could. Seeing as the older She-Hound didn't take offense to it, she continued with a bunch of Pride. "Including a really important one that he really didn't want to have with Miss Roxanne!"
"...He's what?" Miss Loona asked, scowling. Oops. Miss Loona apparently didn't know about that one. She growled and huffed. "Fucker, no wonder he asked me to watch you..."
"If we could focus on my missing daughter?" Prince Stolas asked sternly. He pushed his hands together and spread them to create a portal. The world on the other side started to seep into the office and Himawari covered her nose again with another whine.
"We'll make this quick," Miss Loona said with a growl, her nose scrunched as she approached the portal. "Hang on tight, pup."
"Okay." Himawari whined as they crossed through the threshold. On the upside, she'd have a really exciting story to tell Daddy when she got home.
(Now: Gluttony, Diamond Dog Dens)
"This is a bad idea, Naruto. This is a stupid fucking idea." Naruto grumbled to himself as he stood outside of a large manor that was a gaudy shade of red and purple. He wasn't an architect or a follower of style, but he knew exactly what this was supposed to be. Roxanne Wolfsbane was many things – talented, beautiful, strong and temperamental – but she was her own biggest hype person. The bitch had even gotten in a scrap once and called out, for all to hear, that she was 'The Hype'.
Naruto never got the story behind that, and at the time, he hadn't cared. She was – is – a dear friend. On the same level as Vortex had been, if not higher. She had been there to help him get back up after he, Vortex and Hinata fell out. She was a huge part of Himawari's life – of his life – up until she decided that his puppy wasn't as important as her own happiness.
He felt his muzzle curl and his tail lash as he stood at the foot of the path that would take him to the front door. Recalling that argument was never something that left him happy, and knowing why he was here now, didn't exactly help. Roxanne was a huge part of his life and he'd hoped with their latest interaction that she might come back into it, at least as support, but with the hectic way the past few months had gone, hearing that she had...challenged his girlfriend, it...well...He didn't have high hopes for that to be the case.
Hence, why he arranged to have this meeting at her house. To let her feel like she was in control, before he had to inevitably remind her exactly what she chose to do with her life, and what he chose to do with his.
"Fuck. Alright. You can do this." Naruto grumbled to himself as he strode up to the door. He depressed on the bell and slid his hands into his pockets. When the door opened, he cracked a toothy smile at the Try-Hard Bodyguard that answered. "Hi. Naruto Uzumaki. I have a meeting with Roxanne?"
"...Miss Wolfsbane is expecting you. Step in and spread your arms out."
"That's not necessary. I'm not here to start anything. It's just a small lunch shared between old friends." Naruto assured him even as he stepped in and spread his arms. The Bodyguard chuffed and started to pat him down. Naruto rolled his eyes as the Bodyguard moved down his legs. "Wow, you must be on really thin ice with Rox if you're being so diligent."
"Look, I'm just trying to do my fucking job, man. Don't be a dick about it," the Bodyguard said with a sigh as he moved up the other leg. Naruto let out a hum of understanding and then snarled when a hand grazed between the legs.
"Hey, watch it!"
"Sir, it's just the procedure."
"Why the fuck would anyone try to sneak a gun in with it near their own dick?!" He asked incredulously. The Bodyguard sighed as he moved back up to pat down Naruto's back. Or try to.
"I don't know, alright? I don't like it any more than you do–Could you, uh, crouch down a bit?"
"First you try to feel me up and now you want to Top? That's gonna cost you at least a few dinners." Naruto muttered with a smirk. The Bodyguard snarled.
"Look, asshole, these are the fucking rules, okay? I didn't make 'em up!"
"Would you prefer it if I took my shirt off, then? You could check my shirt and jacket."
"I...This isn't some kind of kink thing, right?"
"...Yep. You got me. I just fuckin' love stripping for random uniforms whenever I get the fuckin' chance. It really gets my rocks off." Naruto deadpanned. The Bodyguard growled and the orange Hound rolled his eyes. "Look, do you know who I am?"
"...Yes, sir."
"Then you know what I'm capable of? Or at least have an idea?"
"...Yes, sir."
"Good...Then you tell me why the fuck you think I would carry a gun on me?" Naruto snarled down at the smaller guard Hellhound he towered over. "Or...You tell your bosses that I'm clean, and we both can pretend this shit never happened. Shit, you can lie to whatever bitch you're talking up and say you got me to submit if you want. I won't deny it, because I get it man. It's a fucking job, but you need to ask yourself a question right now."
"Do I?"
"Yeah." Naruto craned his head down to growl in the Bodyguard's face. "Is the job really fucking worth winding up in traction over?"
"...T-Traction?"
"Yeah, man. It's a job, I get that. I'm the fucking head of a Private Military Company, you think I don't recognize the hazards and unpleasant requirements of the job? I know how good your medical coverage isn't." Naruto smiled in a very unfriendly way. "And now I'm runnin' late, so now I'm getting pissed. Congrats. We bumped up from traction to burial. Feel better?"
"...Nope, and I'm sorry to hold you up, sir." The Bodyguard shook his head and gestured toward the hall ahead of them. "This way, please."
"Good boy." Naruto straightened up and crossed his arms.
They passed through a grand hall, pictures of Roxanne and the Acid Spitters at various moments of their beginning year venues were hung along the walls. Platinum and gold records mirrored the pictures on the opposite wall. Passing through the hall, though, the hubris came out and he let out a rough sigh at the sight of two mirrored statues aligned along the corners to hold up the overhang of the second floor that looked over the descending stairwell of the main hall.
"Goddammit, Rox. Just...why?" He muttered lowly as his claws gently massaged into his temple. Why the fuck had the fierce bitch he'd known – that awkward tall girl who'd sooner sit alone and light up some crack while she ripped into others or played around with her six-stringed axe – become so fucking full of herself, he just didn't understand.
"This way, Mr. Uzumaki."
"Yeah, I'm fuckin' coming." Naruto sighed and followed the guard through another doorway he had to duck under slightly – if he grew again, he was going to flip his shit – before he came into a small, enclosed room with several guitars set up in a grandiose case to the far side, speakers and a small stage aligned to the adjacent wall. The purple-hued almost black carpeting was accented by tasteful posters that hung on the walls atop a dark paint. In the center of the room were two dark red leather L-couches and a modestly sized coffee table between them, a tumbler of some kind of alcohol and glasses atop that.
Seeing the furniture and the colors of the room had Naruto close his eyes and pinch the top of his muzzle.
"...Merciful fuck, does everything in this house go back to feed her ego?"
"Probably." The Bodyguard muttered. He dipped his head away and put a finger to his earpiece before he nodded and then looked back up at him. "Miss Wolfsbane will be down shortly. Go ahead and have a seat."
"I thought you said she's been waiting for me?" Naruto asked as he stepped down to sit on one of the couches and pour himself a drink. Perks of his incredible height? Arm reach. Naruto loved it.
"...If I went into detail I might be breeching some security between client and company."
"...Is she bathing or is it something sexual?"
"She'll be here shortly." The Bodyguard grunted before he stormed out and slammed the door behind him.
Naruto snorted and reclined in his chair with a glass full of what he discovered to be Beelzejuice. As he relaxed and braced himself for the coming confrontation, he hoped Loona and Pickle were having fun. He got a few glasses in before the door opened and he huffed, it would figure that she would come in after he got through a few drinks. He turned to look and spoke before his eyes found his host.
"Not like you to keep someone waiting, Rox–" His words died on his lips as Roxanne sauntered in with a near-transparent, silk robe hugged over her frame and the dark lingerie on underneath it. He blinked a few times as she smirked and folded her arms under her chest. He had to take a moment to fully grasp and realize the situation he was in of his own making. Once that settled, he had only one thing to say about it: "Fuck me."
"If I recall correctly, you're the one that wanted to have a casual conversation, Uzumaki." Roxanne drawled as she raked her claws through her hair in that way he remembered as finding it extremely erotic and realizing it still was. A lump formed in his throat as their eyes locked and he saw that gleam in her eyes that always used to get his blood pumping. "The fun stuff can come later."
"Shit...I've made a terrible mistake." Naruto muttered to himself as Roxanne smirked at him.
(Now: Earth, Los Angeles, CA)
"Okay, so Loony and Stolas I get...how the fuck does the puppy have a disguise and we don't!?" Blitzø's incredulous demand was, unfortunately, rather reasonable. It would be better if it wasn't done in the alleyway between some fast food chain and a run down, closed up store.
Loona, in human disguise, looked at the disguised puppy she had at her side, holding her human hand – that felt weird – and was rubbing her nose. The same tanned, peach skin her Daddy's disguise had was present, but her indigo hair and blue eyes remained and she was a little shorter than she usually was. Her black shorts and purple hoodie sagged over her a bit, almost like they were a size too large, and her puppy toes had turned into the weird sneakers with purple lines not unlike Loona's.
"It was a birthday gift from my Grunkle Vepar!" Himawari chirped with a bright smile from where she was standing. If her tail was still present, Loona was certain it would be wapping into her leg. She hung onto Loona's hand and shifted uncomfortably as she frowned. "Still feels weird... Miss Loona, this place stinks!"
"I know, Squirt. Try to breathe through your mouth. It'll help a bit." Loona sighed as she pulled her phone out and sent a very heated text off to her stupid boyfriend. If he was meeting with Roxanne, he'd better fucking set up the goddamn threesome he'd agreed to shortly after they became official. Their last threesome with Bee-Lzebub was hot as fuck – loathe as Loona was to admit it, that bitch gave great head and took her boyfriend's dick in her fine ass like a fuckin' champ, but that was likely because she practiced for it. Not to mention the "honey" play that came up at the end, like, sweet fuck Loona had never thought she'd ever fuck her boyfriend inside the gelatinous form of the Sin of Gluttony, but damn – and getting it on with fucking Roxanne Wolfsbane was on her bucket list even before the bitch revealed herself to be a jealous, posessive ex.
"Grunkle Vepar?" Stolas' prissy voice had her look up briefly at the tall passable human he'd become. Anti-christ, the fucker was thin and looked like he could be broken in half by a gust of wind. He tapped his chin and then gasped. "No, you can't be the same 'Little Sunflower', Great Duke Vepar and his coalition like to brag about at galas...Are you?"
"I 'unno." Himawari frowned at him and scooched closer to Loona, who didn't protest. She would rather keep her puppy as close to her as possible in this shithole that she'd been to all of twice – including now – and all the Hound Forums she's read shat on it.
"Okay...Sure," Blitzø said with his arms crossed. "The kid got a disguise from a Douche, makes sense. Her dad knows sketchy guys, totally checks out."
"Watch it." Loona glared at him as she checked her phone to make sure her message was sent. It was. And it was read. ...No response. She worked her jaw and swallowed back a growl. If he thinks that's an 'okay' for a freebie...That's on him.
"Anyway, Stolas, disguise us! Hit us with your best bit, but if we can make requests? I'd like a couple of feet, maybe some long wavy hair, oh and make my dick–" Blitzø's plan was snuffed short as Stolas lifted a hand.
"Sorry, Blitsy, let me explain. At best, the Great Duke Vepar unlocked the Hellpup's natural disguise early. Most must wait until their later adolescence when the demonic energy runs rampant through them and they can discover the ability for it naturally," Stolas said as he gestured at Himawari – she was practicing walking with the nearby dumpster acting as something to lean on, a little wobbly, but Loona was keeping an ear on her – before he put his hand back on his chest. "And as to your request...I'm, admittedly, not terribly talented at casting on others without my grimoire. It does store a grand portion of my ability and power."
"...So, you're useless?" Loona summarized dryly. Stolas turned to debate with her – he didn't argue, Loona noticed; he didn't have the spine for it – and then promptly clammed up when she looked at him with an arched brow. She snorted. "Figures – Heema, stay in the fucking alley!"
"Sorry!" The wandering pup started walking back to them, a little more comfortable on her two human feet. She stumbled a bit over her own feet. "There is so much noise in the city! A lot of people were cussin' at each other in this restaurant, I think, and there's a guy without legs sitting outside this building across the street, and–!"
"We'll go look around later, alright? Just stay close." Loona huffed as her phone went off. She checked the preview and opened the text she got from Naruto. Her eyes narrowed.
(Didn't everything get squared w the 3some w B?)
(That had to be worth at least 2, right?)
(We didn't even LIKE her!)
Well, he wasn't wrong with that, but–
"Loona, can you sniff the kid out?" Her adoptive dumbass of a dad asked. Yeah, she might be a little miffed at Blitz, and interrupting her texting session with her boyfriend wasn't helping.
"In this city? Are you fucking kidding me?" Loona scoffed. "I'm doing my best not to fucking barf, alright? How are you holding up, Squirt?"
"It's stinky, but not worse than Darrel's dung day last year."
Well, she had to get the story behind that later. First, she had to respond to her boyfriend, because while he wasn't wrong about their feelings on the Sin of Gluttony...they did have differing stances on whether they were square.
(No)
(U still owe me, specifically w/ Roxanne)
(Fuuuuck)
(if I do this, we're square!)
Oh, no, he didn't! Loona bared her teeth as her fingers flew across the keys on her screen.
(Fuck we r! 2 weeks, no contact!)
(...)
Loona's eyes exploded as an image came through of Roxanne posing on a red leather couch in lingerie and a short, sexy translucent robe with 'fuck me' eyes aimed at the camera. She felt heat coursing through her entire body and then she remembered that the hot bitch in the picture had those eyes aimed at her boyfriend. Her boyfriend that was trying to tell off his hot, famous ex-...whatever she was – that clearly still had the hots for him – for trying to start shit with her. The following text only enforced that revelation
(She thinks we broke up!)
(I am NOT having fun navigating this!)
...Shit, if he does set up a threesome with that in Roxanne's head... Yeah, Loona might have to make it square between them. With a disgruntled growl, she conceded that point to him.
(Fine. U set it up, and we're square.)
(But U better not fuck her w/o me!)
(Done!)
(Shit. Need distraction)
(R U doing something x-tremely boring right now?)
(How's Pickle?)
"Loony, did you hear me? Loony? ...Loony? ...Loona!"
"Give me a fuckin' minute!" Loona hissed as she pursed her lips. She bit her lip and weighed her options before she sighed. Better to get him to forgive her with some head later than to get into an argument over text right now.
(Call me when u can. Gtg, client.)
(That does not help!)
(Or count as an answer!)
(love u)
(love u both)
"LOONA!"
"What?! Fucking, what?! Can't I have five fucking seconds to finish a fucking thought!?" Loona snapped as she glared at Blitzø and what the fuck was he wearing on his horns?! When did they leave the Alley? Where is her–!? Oh, good, there's her puppy. Giggling as she looked at Blitzø's giant ass fake human ears and tiny wig. In Stolas' arms.
...Okay. That was...He'd better not do anything weird. ...Mm, too late for that. He was into Blitzø, if what she read into their 'relationship' was anything to go by, by that definition alone he was weird. Well, he'd better fucking leave her puppy out of it.
Anyway, Blitzø looked really stupid. She took a photo or two to hold against him later.
"So, what inspired this mistake?" Loona asked, expecting one of the other two idiots to answer. Nothing. They were gone. She blinked as she looked around. "That...is almost too good to be true, and I hate to ask, but where's fatty and his hag?"
"Mister Moxxie and Miss Millie are husking!" Himawari chirped helpfully as her giggles petered out.
"Busking, dear. It's called busking." Stolas corrected her as he set her down. "There, now, let me fix a few things for you Blitsy, because you look ravishing, but you could look better–"
"It's Brennan Ragers!" Some fat bitch shouted from down the way. Then there was a mob.
Loona snarled and growled as she was shoved and pushed out of a bunch of humans' way. She'd try to force her way back to Blitzø when a yelp caught her ear. Her eyes dilated as she clocked a guy making off with Himawari in his arms.
"Help! Lemme go! Miss Loona! Mister Blitz! HELP!"
The fuck–! Ugh! Loona hated this city so fucking much!
"Loony, find the kid–!" Blitzø shouted before he and Stolas were tossed in the back of a van. She flipped him off and turned on the ball of her foot to bolt after the puppy snatcher. She slid as she reached the end of the street and glared after the guy that was running.
"Get off of me! Lemme go!"
"Don't worry, kiddo, we'll get you to the police and find your parents!" The oblivious soon-to-be dead man said, carrying Himawari in one arm and the other holding a phone up. "Guys, this is real! This isn't a staged event! I am rescuing an abducted child! I'm a hero! I'm a real hero!"
"The fuck you are, asshole! Give my daughter back!" Loona snarled as she dashed after him. A leap and a wound up with the jerk eating pavement and Loona wrenching Himawari out of his grasp. Her puppy whined and nuzzled into the crook of her neck while Loona snarled at the livestreamer and tucked her disguised puppy tight against her.
"Fuck...I knew I should've gone back to New York...Where's my–? Fuck!" The guy groaned as he pushed himself to his knees. He rubbed his bloody face and scowled up at her. "You fuckin' whore, find your own fifteen minutes of fame! I need this exposure!"
"I'm the whore?! You just snatched my kid to get famous, asshole!" Loona snapped. She kicked him in the jaw before he could try to say anything more and then stomped on him again. That was followed by another stomp. And another. And another. And finally she stomped on his long since dropped phone. Loona huffed and flicked her hair out of her face. "Bleed out and die in the gutter, jackass."
All she got in return was a wet gurgle. That almost set her off again before Himawari whined. Loona snorted at the bleeding guy and turned her back on him as she walked up the street toward a coffee shop she saw in her peripherals as she chased the wannabe influencer down. Her attention went to the disguised puppy in her arms.
"You okay, Squirt? He didn't hurt you, did he?"
"...I'm okay." The slight hitch in her voice told Loona that another bout of water works were on the way. ...Fuck, she shouldn't encourage it, but...Goddammit. If it bottles up now, it'll come out later, likely when she least wants it to. And that'll lead to an argument with Naruto, which is the last thing Loona wants.
With that in mind, Loona shushed her whimpering puppy, hugged her close and carried her into the coffee shop. She ignored the counter for now and dipped into the women's bathroom. She set Himawari on the sink counter and then went back to lock the door, only to find it didn't. Alright then. Loona checked the stalls, all empty, and then ripped the door off of one stall to jam it against the women's bathroom door. Sufficiently blocked, Loona dropped her disguise and went back to the disguised puppy.
"Hey." She crouched down to hold the puppy's eyes. "Shift back, Heema. We're safe here."
"...Okay." Himawari listened and shifted back, her tail curled around her waist and her ears low. Loona frowned and cupped the pup's chin as the near-wet blue eyes looked into hers.
"...Himawari, if you need to cry...You can cry."
"I don't need to fuckin' cry!" Himawari spat very unconvincingly. "I don't! I didn't get hurt and I'm a big girl!"
"You are. You're a very big girl." Loona agreed as she smiled and scratched the puppy's chin. She really hated that she was going to push this button. She knew what it was going to do, but it was better to deal with this shit now rather than later. "But it was still really scary, huh?"
"Uh-huh...He just ...He just grabbed me-e-e…Like those fuckin' Harsh-Mellow Men di-hi-hid!" And so the waterworks started. Loona sighed and pulled Himawari in close. She hugged and nuzzled her sobbing puppy.
"I know, I know. But you're okay. Shh, I've got you, Squirt." She whispered and rubbed the side of her muzzle to the top of the pup's head. "I've got you. You're okay. You're okay."
It took fifteen minutes for the Squirt to calm down. Throughout that, Loona kept herself quiet and didn't let the annoyance she felt about the loud cries get to her. Ignoring it was...easier, when she remembered all the times she cried like Himawari was now, and all the times she was ignored when she felt that low. Soft sobs and gentle whimpers were quieted as Loona stroked her claws over her head.
"Feel better, Heema?"
"Mm-mm." She shook her head and sniffed. "Miss Loona? Can we go home now? This place is shitty and I want Daddy."
"I'm sorry, Squirt, but not until we find Stolas' brat." Loona sighed. She helped Himawari stand on her feet and held her shoulders. She smiled slightly. "So, let's get some snacks and then we'll go find the pissed off princess."
"Then we can fuckin' go home?" Himawari asked with a sniffle.
"Yeah, and then we can fuckin' go home." Loona smiled at her puppy and used a claw to clear away another tear. "First, we gotta put our Human disguises back on. Ready?"
"...Yeah."
"Alright." Loona smiled as they were both enshrouded in the mystical light of demonic magic before they looked at the blockade Loona made. "...Shit, I forgot about that. Eh, I should still be able to move it like this."
And surprisingly, she could. Weird, she was pretty sure being in her Human disguise made her physically weaker, at least a little bit. After she tossed the door to the side she looked at herself in the mirror and tapped at the defined core that was exposed by her halter top. Huh, her abs didn't look that...defined the last time she saw her Human Disguise's stomach.
Weird.
"Miss Loona!" Shit, the puppy! Loona darted out of the bathroom and her head swiveled around only to look down as her puppy's disguised form ran into her legs. She grinned up at her. "They have a drink called Vanilla-Cinnamon swirl! Can we get it?"
Both of their favorite flavors? Swirled? ...Loona didn't like coincidences, but also...Yes, Vanilla-Cinnamon swirl also had a coffee mix!
"Fine, but Squirt?" Loona put a hand on her head to tilt it back and look down into the eyes she got from her dad – thank fuck; if those came from the surrogate Loona would be so fucking pissed – and bared her teeth. "Don't. Run. Off. Again. Got it?"
"You fuckin' got it!" The girl giggled and Loona smirked before she tousled the disguised puppy's hair.
"Atta girl. C'mon, let's get some coffee and then find a princess."
Which, surprisingly, is exactly what happened. Well, after spending most of a day following a stream of Sinstagram posts after Himawari pointed out an interesting poster that Loona took a selfie with which took them down a rabbit hole.
Turns out that despite being a Goetic Spirit, Octavia didn't have a lot of followers on Sinstagram, but a lot of Demons liked posters made on Earth. Go figure. Thank fuck for that, too, because Loona was over looking for this brat. And if she was over it, Himawari was flat out done.
"I wanna go home!" The disguised puppy whined into a yawn. Loona sighed and picked her up to sit her on her hip as they climbed the stairwell of an observatory.
"We're almost done, Squirt. Give me five minutes to check this out," she said and sighed when the puppy grumbled in discontent. Nearing the top, her disguise dropped as she conked out in her arms and Loona, though strong in her Human form, did the same to keep holding her. By the time she realized her puppy has passed out, she found herself at the top of the stairwell, a distressed Goetic Spirit teenager sitting on the ledge. Eyeing her warily until she noticed the pup.
Nope, Loona's newly awoken protective instincts didn't like that in the fucking slightest. She had to refocus the teen on her.
"Uh, hey." Loona smiled as she walked up and leaned against the edge of the observation deck. "Mind if we uh, join you?"
"S'not like I could stop you." The teen, O-something, huffed and looked away. Moody little bitch, isn't she? Whatever, fine, Loona adjusted Himawari to sleep on one shoulder and pulled out her cigarettes. She popped one up, snagged it in her lip and then tucked the pack away to pull her lighter out...and it didn't work. Fucking cheap ass–whoa!
Sudden flaming goetic spirit finger is sudden.
"Thanks," Loona said as she accepted the light and took a drag before she smirked at the teen. "Neat trick. You ever think about doing pup parties with it? Might make some spare cash."
"Don't need it." The teen muttered before she smirked back. "Why, your pup need someone to entertain her?"
"Nah, just thought you'd like the side gig. Because your pictures on Sinstagram aren't too bad, but I don't think you'll make it there." Loona snorted as she took another drag on her smoke and adjusted the arm Himawari was tucked against her with.
"Oh...That's how you found me."
"Who says I was looking for you?"
"You just said you were looking at my Sinstagram. And you're a Hellhound. With a Hellpuppy..?"
"Yeah, we didn't exactly plan to come up to this shithole today." Loona sighed out a small puff of smoke. She looked out over the human city and was mildly annoyed that it looked so nice when she wasn't in the smack dab fucking middle of it. Fuck L.A., she hated this damn city. "If I'd known letting you sneak around Blitz' office would've ended up with us coming here, I…Ugh, probably wouldn't have done anything different."
"Had fun with your Puppy?" The teen asked sourly. Okay, no.
"Actually, no. She almost got nabbed by some wannabe Sinfluencer and that set off all sorts of fuckin triggers." Loona grumbled with a huff. The pup in question let out a sleepy mutter and whine, so Loona stuck her smoke in the side of her mouth and rubbed her jaw over her Heema's head. She pulled the smoke back out as she looked at Stolas' brat. "Look, I don't know why you're here, and I really don't care, but your dad is worried about you."
"Oh, fuck off." The surly teen scoffed. "If he's so fuckin worried then where is he?"
"Somewhere in that shithole looking for you." Loona nodded at the city. She finished off the cigarette and flicked it away. "Doing a shit job of it too, I'd imagine."
"Clearly." The teen snorted her agreement. A healthy quiet spread between them before the Goetic Spirit groaned. "I just…Why the fuck would he forget a promise like that?! He remembered fucking Loo-Loo Land, so why couldn't he just–Just ignore my fucking mother for thirty seconds?! So what if he fucked an imp? I don't care who he's with, I just want him to be my dad!" She hugged her arms around herself and sniffled. "...Why does he have to hate her more than he loves me?"
Oh, fuck this was so much more than Loona had signed up for with this shit job. She was the last person to talk about with 'Dads', she never knew her original dad and Blitzø, well…He tried. She would give him that. But fuck if he wasn't bad at it. A whimper had her look down at the puppy in her arms and Loona smiled slightly. Okay, so there was one example she had worth a damn.
"Maybe he does, and maybe he doesn't, I think that's a question you need to ask him yourself." Loona sighed as she looked at the teen, O-whatever, and adjusted Himawari slightly. She nuzzled the puppy. "But, in my limited experience let me tell you, being a parent is a lot of sacrifice. This little runt isn't even mine, but I killed someone for her earlier today."
"..Why do you have her if she's not yours?" Okay, not the direction Loona meant for the conversation to go, but a fair amount of concern on the teenager's part.
"She's my boyfriend's. He had her when he was...probably around your age." Loona guessed and watched dread and fear cross the teen's face. She smirked. "My thoughts exactly, but from what I understand, he wouldn't trade her for anything. Not me, not for a shot with a Sin, and not for all the Power in Hell. It took a while for me to understand, but I...I get it now. It's hard to be a parent, especially for Hellborn. I used to walk around and see families of Hellborn and wonder what the point was."
"..And the point is?"
"Well, eventual bragging rights, unless you're Lucifer." Loona smirked. The teen blinked before she chuckled and Loona joined her. "Yeah, but Pride and all that aside, the point is to prove you can do better. Not fucking good or anything sappy like that, but to stick it to the Forces That Be that gave us such shitty lives by helping our brats have better ones."
"…Well, my dad is failing spectacularly at it."
"Your Dad is also a Demon Prince. It might be a bit different for him, but like I said," Loona said as she met the teen's gaze. "You need to ask him. Talk to him. Moms, Dads, they try their hardest and do their best to make us happy, but if we don't talk some shit out..that's all they can do is try. And even if they don't do that, then try to fucking be grateful you even have both…because I didn't fucking get one until I was your age."
"..Fuck..Hell sucks." The teen muttered.
"Preach it, kid." Loona huffed and looked up as the sky suddenly lit up. "What the fuck..?"
"My dad was supposed to see this with me." The teen muttered after a soft moment. "Azathoth's Tears…a meteor shower that is actually the end of a galaxy far, far away. He told me about it when I was probably her age… You might want to wake her up for this."
"…Yeah." Loona agreed and jostled Himawari awake to a small growl and whimper. "Hey, hey, shh. Check out all the stars, Squirt."
"Huh?" The little puppy blinked her bright blue eyes and looked up. She gasped and her tail started to wag. "Wow! Look at the sky, Miss Loona! It's so fucking pretty!"
The teenage goetic spirit started at the secret foul mouth Himawari had revealed. Loona let it slide as both of them looked up at the sky.
"It's so pretty, Miss Loona, don't you think?"
"Yeah, it's not bad." Loona hummed and nuzzled the puppy's head. She glanced over at the teenager and met her gaze for a second. A soft smile was shared before they both joined the awed puppy in looking up. She couldn't wait to tell Naruto about this later–Her phone went off and she dug around to answer it. She smirked, think of the Hound. A swipe and she put her Hellphone to her ear. "Hey, babe. How'd it go?"
"How'd it–? ..We're fucking set, a small bit of furniture rearrangement later. Small question, no rush…where the fuck are you?" Naruto asked, a soft growl in his voice. Weird, why would he be growling?
"We're at work–"
"Loo, I'm in your fucking office," he snarled and Loona started at the fury in his voice. "It looks like it was hit by a fucking hurricane. Please, just…Just tell me where you are and that Himawari is with you. That you're both safe." His growl tapered into another whine. "Please?"
Oh…shit. He was probably on the verge of freaking out. Goddammit, if it wasn't Himawari's triggers it was her fucking boyfriend's Loona had to tiptoe around, but thankfully those were fewer and farther in between and he was good about doing the same to hers. She quickly pulled her phone away from her ear and checked the notification bar. Okay, no missed texts or calls, that means he probably wanted to surprise them after he had to deal with Roxanne. And arrived to find the office in post-fight mess.
Without his puppy or her there.
Fuck! She needed to answer.
"Fuck, yes, she's with me! Babe, I'm so–We're fine, we're both okay. We're on a missing Goetic Spirit job up top."
"Thank fuck– You're where?"
"L.A., just a bit outside watching a meteor shower at a observatory. Azaroth tears or some shit. It's uh, really pretty."
"Azathoth," the teen muttered. Loona rolled her eyes and then noticed the puppy looking at her.
"Is that Daddy?"
"Wanna say hi?" Loona asked. Himawari nodded and Loona flipped her phone sideways and turned on the face cam feature. The phone flew out of her hand to make a smaller screen appear in front of them, no bigger than a tablet. She tilted it a bit to get the sky in view just as Naruto turned his end on. Ooh, shit, he looked rough.
"You're both okay." He sank down into the lobby couch in their office. Shit, Loona felt a little bad as she watched him drag his hand down his face. "Thank Fuck... ..Hi, Pickle!"
"Hi, Daddy! Look at the sky!"
"Oh wow, that looks really pretty!"
"It is!" Himawari chirped before she yawned. Ah, adrenaline crash. She nuzzled under Loona's chin and Loona nuzzled back, as she let the sleepy pup talk. "I miss you, Daddy. We're gonna come home soon, right Miss Loona?"
"That's right, Squirt. We found the missing princess." Loona turned her phone and herself to keep an eye on her haggard hound. "Say hi to uh..."
"Octavia!" Himawari reminded her sleepily.
"Right, thanks squirt. Say hi to Octavia, Babe." Stolas' kid jumped and shrank as she fell under Naruto's gaze. A meek wave was given and Naruto smirked as he tiredly waved back.
"Nice to meet you, Princess Octavia." Fuck, how did he know–? She could ask him later.
"..yeah.." the Goetic girl mumbled and looked back at the sky. "You too."
"So that's how we spent our day." Loona muttered as she smiled at her boyfriend. He gave a weak one back. "Yours good?"
"Loo, don't. I'm just…come back soon, okay?"
"..Are you alright?" Loona frowned.
"No. No Loo, I'm not." Naruto sighed. "Just please, please come home. Both of you."
"We'll be home soon." Loona glanced up and then looked him in the eye again. "Shower's over. Give us fifteen minutes, alright?"
"Fine, but you're on my clock now." He raised his watch arm– wait, where did that bandage come from–? ..Oh, Loona might have to gut a bitch. Before she could press, he smiled. "Love you, Pickle!"
"Love you, Daddy!" Himawari chirped again before she yawned. Big blue eyes locked with hers across dimensional windows. His smile softened and his tail wagged, which made hers do the same.
"Love you, Loona. See you soon."
"I love you, Naruto. We'll be home soon, Babe." Loona mumbled back, her own small smile in place. It fell as she thought about the way her Hound was carrying himself and the bandages he had on his arm. If that was from Roxanne, then that bitch was getting fucking tied to the fucking bed and being forced to watch. Mm, that might actually be fun regardless. Loona always wanted to try her claws at being a Dom.
"He's out of your league." Sassy bird girl said what? Loona glared at her. Stolas' brat shrugged. "Just saying, a Hound of Hel like that? They don't stick with Hellhounds for long."
"...Why'd you say it that way?" the She-Hound asked.
"What?"
"Hellhound, you said it weirdly"
"Huh?" The Teen frowned. Ugh, seriously, why was everyone so slow on shit? Were Hellhounds the only ones with brains? Actually, probably not.
"Hound of Hel." Loona repeated as she stroked the once more sleeping Himawari down her back. "Why'd you say it that way?"
"Because that's what he is. You can see it in his, and her, muzzle structure." The young owl demon pointed at the dozing puppy in Loona's arm. Loona narrowed her eyes and flashed a fang.
"He's a Hellhound."
"No, he's a Hound of Hel." The teen drawled and then rolled her eyes when Loona growled out of frustration of not understanding. "The one with one 'L'. Here, let me show you."
She pulled her own Hellphone out and then taped it on the screen a few times. A digital class was opened and a picture was enlarged to take up the screen. It depicted an ancient clash between a Hellhound – apparently named Leonidus, if the caption beneath it was anything to go by – and a 'Hound of Hel' – named Bearzerke – that was really fucking stacked and huge and even in art-format he radiated 'fuck me daddy' hot vibes like Naruto did. The Goetic teen huffed. "From what I understand of Hell's history, Hounds of Hel hailed from the land of Hel, of the Nine Realms of Norz. They're said to come from the former King of Gluttony, Garmr, as a way to test King Lucifer's defenses. Whether that's actually true or not, the fact remains that a few of them trickle over here from time to time whenever the realms align. Your boyfriend must be one of them."
"...Okay...Is that...bad?" Loona frowned, adjusting her puppy in her arms and stepping back.
"Nah, most of the Nobility isn't too worried about it. Queen Bee usually sniffs them out before they find a way back to Hel." The teenager sighed and looked down at the city. She blinked. "I think I see my dad…"
"What?" Loona followed the extended finger that pointed down and she felt some tension fall out of her shoulders. "Oh, thank merciful fuck. C'mon, let's get the fuck out of here."
Even as they left, though, Loona thought about what she learned and whether or not Naruto even knew about it. She doubted it. Clever and sexy her boyfriend was, he still had his stupid moments. See Evidence A: He ignored all attempts at contact from her for two weeks. Sure, they might be square, but Loona was going to use that as an example until his next big fuckup, which – if his apparent injuries were anything to go by – might have already happened today.
If that bitch went off on him...Actually, even if she didn't, we can take turns trying out some dom play. Loona mused as she led Stolas' kid down the steps of the observatory. That seems like a good idea.
AN: And the Helluva Boss Timeline is officially disrupted! If you've been paying attention, you'll notice that in this re-imagining of Viv's series, 'Western Energy' happened prior to 'Seeing Stars' so…eat it, continuity! Eat my massive middle finger!
...What do you mean no one eats fingers, Steve? Chicken Fingers get eaten all the–Right, you're on that cracker diet. ...No, I didn't think it was some other kind of cracker, what you think I'm racist or something? ...Steve, you're probably literally the only One-eyed, One-Horned, Flying Giant Purple-People Eater left in the world. That's why I'm taking care of you by keeping you employed!
...Enslaved, employed, I live in the U.S. of America, man! It's the same fuckin' thing here! ..Pfft, yeah, sure. 'Laws say otherwise'. Tells me how little you know…
…Are you fucking seri–? Dude, why is the mic still on?! Turn that shit–!
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