Haruhi was busy staring blankly at the burned out nursery in the Uchiha district when she felt a gentle hand rest on her shoulder. She immediately knew it was Kakashi-how could she not? The familiar warmth, the shape of his fingers, the crinkle of the glove. But still she stared at the nursery.
She was holding the other faded pink baby bootie she had found in the ash. When the uchiha were executed, some of them left candles on, stoves on, fires on. Many of the houses here burned down or had fire damage. Or maybe the fire was after, with Konoha trying to cover up the evidence.
She wondered if this baby Itachi murdered died by burns, smoke inhalation, or he straight up stabbed her.
Haruhi knew Itachi was ordered to do this, but that didn't mean he was innocent. The Nuremberg defense didn't work on her. Nazis, when being tried in Nuremberg Germany for the crimes they committed tried to pass of their atrocities as 'just following orders' or 'orders are orders'. Something to that effect. Thus, the Nuremberg Defense.
Blood was on his hands. He was supposedly a thinking being, a prodigy, he made a conscious decision to carry out this act. He literally did not have to do that. He should have know the council was manipulating him, but he did it anyway.
He had to choose between a fascist, bigoted, oppressive, military dictatorship or his family, and he choose the dictatorship.
Regardless of being backed into a so-called corner, that was not something Haruhi could forgive him for, even if she understood why he was backed there.
This whole genocide was never necessary. It was painted as such, of course, but the Uchiha would have gladly listened to reason, a ceasefire from the council if only they had tried to reach out to the Uchiha instead of oppressing them, this would have never happened. The Uchiha were pushed to the brink, and only decided on a coup in order to be treated with some semblance of respect. In fact, to prove that they never meant to harm anyone, listen to this.
They could have stopped Itachi. Easily. Sure, he's a fucking prodigy, a genius, yadda yadda yadda, but against hundreds of his Highly trained clansmen? Most with years and decades of experience on him? Elite officers stronger than your average jounin? Most with the same bloodline as Itachi's who could counter his strongest moves? And Mikoto, the A ranked kunoichi, would she really go effortlessly unless she wanted to minimize damage?
Oh, and Fugaku. S-ranked ninja. Police chief. Clan head. Incredibly powerful sharingan. A hokage candidate. A man who would be hokage if Konoha wasn't so fucking bigoted. A man who could tango with Kages and come out brushing dust off his shoulder, do you really think bitch boy Itachi had any hope of killing him unless Fugaku let him?
Haruhi didn't want to speak for the Uchiha, but from what she was gathering, the land of fire was their home. They had lived in these lands way before Konoha was even a concept. They didn't want to see their home destroyed. They didn't want to see the people they protected hurt in the infighting. If they rose up in violent revolution, they would have gotten far, but at what cost? And most of all?
They were tired.
Haruhi knew what that felt like.
Haruhi was Bisexual. She once got beat up in a Chicago alleyway for kissing her then girlfriend, with their fists raining down on her head, they spat slurs like Dyke and faggot. She shook for weeks afterward. Haruhi was mixed race. Called zebra. Not white enough, but not black enough either. Feeling like she never had any place. Haruhi was a woman. She lived in America, where greasy white men thought it was their right to control her reproductive health. Where a creepy man followed her 15 year old self from school to the store, and stared at her and wouldn't leave for over an hour. Because he felt entitled to her.
Haruhi was of Jewish descent. Her father before he died, was practicing. Haruhi didn't really believe in organized religion as a whole, especially in recent years, but she practiced for most of her life. They'd say shit like Kike, and make fun of her wide and slightly long nose. And Haruhi is suffering through various mental health problems. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and an eating disorder.
By college, she was exhausted with life.
Haruhi's history is one filled with discrimination, exclusion, and hurt. Her great great Grandmother was a slave, and a survivor of the genocide against African Americans. Her fathers grandparents were liberated from holocaust death camps by the red army. The Trans-generational trauma from both sides of the family led to a chasm between her mother, and her father feeling like he couldn't open up to either of them.
She knew, intimately, what the Uchiha went through.
So, Yeah.
She was fucking pissed.
She was taking this personally, because it was personal to her!
So when she stared at this burned out nursery, where infants were set on fire, she thinks of her great grandmother's infant sister, who was thrown a top an open flame in Auschwitz, along with all the other babies who couldn't be forced to work themselves to the bone for the Nazis.
Fuck Itachi.
Fuck Konoha.
Couldn't they see, couldn't Kakashi see she had to do this?! That she had to help make things better! That she had to do this, or did her family's history, her history, mean nothing?
Her sight of the fire scorched nursery was blocked as Kakashi stood in front of her, wiping tears from her face.
She couldn't even begin to speak, so she closed her eyes.
Still clutching the baby bootie, she felt Kakashi lead her away and towards his house, with some of the cleanup Naruto clones chattering nervously in the background.
He gently took of her sandals and carried her to the bedroom, setting her down carefully. She heard the water running in the bathroom, and he came back with a wet cloth, tenderly cleaning her face.
"Do you...want to talk about it?" He asked hesitantly.
Haruhi took deep breaths, feeling the air whoosh in and out of her burning throat.
She nodded.
"I know I've been closed off, and tight lipped about my history and who I am, but Here's the gist. My family, on both sides, has a long history of being discriminated against, hate crimes, and genocide. I have been hurt many times over because of bigotry. What's happening in konoha right now and in the past, is sending alarm bells ringing. What happened to Sasuke and his family is very personal to me, because my family and I have lived it, and many have died because of it."
"...Oh."
"Yeah. I cannot just sit by this time. If I have learned anything it's that I need to work to make the world better. I cannot sit on my hands, even if it's the safer thing to do."
Haruhi teared up again
"It's just, I-I felt so useless when I first came here! I was completely dependent on you! I felt like a burden. I wasn't doing anything. Back home, I was involved in so many things. Youth programs, choir, college, sports, and then I got here. And nothing. I spent my formative years with my mom detached and my dad dead or dying. I had to be independent. I had to be useful! And now, I finally am again, and I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings, but you told me to stop all that! I-I need to though!"
"I'm sorry all that happened to you guys. And when I told you to stop, I never wanted to hurt you. Only protect you. I know this is dangerous. You do too, more than I initially thought you did. But Haruhi, I assassinated people like you!"
Haruhi blinked.
She knew kakashi was in ANBU, for ten year and a captain. The A Literally stood for assassination, but to hear him spell it out like this…
"I know your type. Self sacrificial, self righteous. They only see the cause. I support you, and I'll continue to support you and your activities, but you need to think about yourself. Look at you!"
He held up his polished kunai, and Haruhi stared at her reflection. There were bags under her eyes. Her brown skin looked washed out and dry. Her hair was frizzy and her eyes and nose were tinted red. Her cheeks looked sunken in, Her cheekbone more prominent, like she had lost weight.
At that realization, she felt a thrill of happiness. At least she has something under control.
"Haruhi, when's the last time you ate?"
Her self-satisfied smile froze on her face.
"Haruhi...you can't keep doing this. You have made a lot of enemies. Almost everybody in this world wants to hurt you. And from what I just heard, almost everyone in your home world wants to hurt you too. Why do you have to join them?"
Breaths came fast and shallow as she started to hyperventilate.
"You can't take action if you don't eat."
Haruhi jumped from the bed, staggered towards the door, and collapsed halfway there, onto the carpet, where strained gasps tore from her throat. The world spun with low blood sugar and panic as Haruhi tried to tell up from down, Kakashi's word echoed tinnily in her head, and she moaned in fear as her body listed sideways.
She felt Kakashi's arms wrap around her, cradle her, and rock her back and forth in his lap. She may have passed out a few times. When she was finally done panicking, the clock read 25 minutes later.
She was tired.
Panic attacks do that to you.
Every Single muscle group ached, including her jaw, which she had been clenching. Kakashi slipped his arms under her limp form, and carried ehr to the kitchen, where he set her down on the counter.
His hands hovered over unsure.
"Would you like to make something? Stir fry? Sugar cookies?"
"No! They have t-too many calories!"
"Okay, then about a snack. We could split an apple, or a banana."
She shook her head, swaying as the motion filled her vision with spots.
Kakashi sighed.
"Haruhi, when's the last time you ate?"
"I'm not saying."
"Why not?"
"Because then you'll be mad at me! You're already doing so much for me, you really don't need to."
"I'm not mad at you. I'm not going to be mad at you either, because I care about you. You are not a burden, I am choosing to help you because I want to. Please, let me help. Tell me."
"...Three days ago."
Kakashi closed his eye, then moving so he stood between her legs, arms wrapping around her waist and face burying into her shoulder. Haruhi wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders.
"How about we split an apple. First I take a bite, and then you. Sound good?"
Haruhi really didn't want to, but she nodded against him. He reluctantly let her go, before tugging down his mask, and grabbing one of the honey-crisps.
He took a bite, and then handed it to her.
Slowly, she took a bite. For a minute the apple just sat there at the bottom her mouth. The juices on her tongue made her feel disgusting. She chewed incredibly slowly before finally swallowing.
They passed it back and forth until it was gone.
"Okay, lets try a banana."
Kakashi took the first bite, and they traded until it was gone.
Haruhi slowly reached over and picked up a plum, and took the first bite, handing it to kakashi.
Guilt and disgust were replaced by his joyful smile. She felt pride at being able to make him feel better and took another bite.
"You know, when I told you to stop doing this, I did partially mean tone it down with the resistance efforts. But I also meant this. You can't keep treating yourself like this. You are not a tool."
The words drew a gasp from her.
"So many people have tried to destroy you, but your still here, aren't you? You're probably the strongest woman I ever meet. You're capacity for kindness is unmet, and your resilience is astounding. The fact you lasted this long without a breakdown is amazing. But also heart wrenching. You were struggling and I barely knew. And If no one knows, no one can help."
Haruhi looked down at the plum pit in her hand.
"You give so much, you are such a giving person, but did anyone ever tell you it was okay to take? To receive? You didn't get much help growing up, but I want you to know that whatever you need from me, you can have. I want you to know, that you don't need to feel like you need to do everything by yourself."
He scooted up onto the counter next to her, and wrapped his arm around her.
"Haruhi, your value doesn't depend on what you can offer others. You are more than what you can give. You are more than your service to others. You are allowed to exist. To take up space. You don't owe anyone anything. And If you choose to give, because you are an amazing strong person, that's great! But not at the expense of yourself. If you give your everything, if you give it your all, you have nothing left for yourself."
"You're ancestors are no doubt proud of your efforts to make it better for others, but they died so you could live. They suffered. I know they would want you to be living as happy and healthy as you can be. Because you deserve to."
Dammit. She was crying again.
"I think you have been lying to yourself about how okay you are. For maybe a long time. I think you don't value yourself as much as you should. While these issues resurfaced with a vengeance when you were summoned here, they always existed. It's not a bad thing to depend on others. It's not a weakness."
Haruhi sighed shakily, rubbing her fists into her eyes
She spoke.
"I h-hope you know all that applies to you as well, K-Kakashi."
Kakashi chuckled wetly, and Haruhi realized he was crying as well.
"I'll help you tomorrow with whatever I can, but for now, let's wash up and go to sleep."
He helped her off the counter.
"Thank you, Kakashi."
His face softened. He knew she was thanking him for more than the counter.
They slept peacefully that night.
Wow Kakashi! Being a good uh, partner? Bro? I mean, they're technically not together yet...
And I really liked this chapter, because I finally got to focus on Haruhi for once! Oh, and, while Haurhi is made up, all the things she references, like the Nuremberg defense, The nazi's burning babies, and The genocide of the African Americans, are completely real. :(
Question of the chapter: What do you think of Haruhi? What are your opinions of her? And what do you think about her and Kakashi's relationship?
I wanted you guys to know, before we go, that I read each and every single one of your reviews. I don't have the time to respond, but I appreciate every single one!