AN – Thanks for reading! Next chapter is the one you've been waiting for.
Chapter 14
Johnny studied his friend's expressions. "What's going on?"
Jason sighed. "I don't like having the coronation on a day they could attack."
"I know why you are saying that, but you'll be fine."
Usually, Jason would prepare the night before he goes to battle. He would go off on his own and focus, turning into a stone-cold version of himself. In a way, you need to remove what is human to behave like an animal and kill mercilessly. It takes a toll on your soul.
Jason, leaning on his hands on the castle's wall on the roof, spins and flattens his back against it. "Battle changes you. I don't know how to talk to Elizabeth about it."
"You should trust her, Jason. She lost her whole family. It might not be the same, but even if she can't understand fully, she can still listen and be supportive. You can't hide things from her and expect the marriage to work."
"Sometimes, I have trouble with the words."
"Close your eyes and just speak from the heart."
Jason nodded.
Elizabeth approached them. She had looked all over for Jason so she could say goodnight.
Johhny patted his back and whispered, "Talk to her."
He left, so Elizabeth spoke. "What's wrong?"
Jason sighed heavily as he turned toward her. "I was just telling Johnny how hard it will be having the coronation on the same day we could go to war."
"Can you tell me why?"
"It's hard to explain."
"Try," She touched his arm to give him comfort. "I'm listening without judgment."
He shut his eyes and he began to speak. "When I go into battle, I usually shut myself off the day before so I can shut off my feelings and focus." Liz moved against him, giving him strength. "I've had to do bad things, Elizabeth. I've killed many to protect my family and the region. To do it, I go to a dark place and stay there. It's—there's so much pressure and failure isn't an option. I turn off the emotions that make me human and let rage take over."
When he paused for a long moment, she hugged him tightly, trying to signal for him to continue. Speaking would break him out of his trance, and she didn't want to do that.
"I'm not a good man. I've done unforgivable things in the name of my kingdom. In so many ways, you deserve better, but you need me, and I need to be needed. I desire to protect because it's all I've known since I was old enough to fight. I was groomed to kill, and I am good at it. I don't know who I am without it. That is why all of this is hard for me. I want to be what you deserve and suppose I fail? I don't think I can stand to see the look in your eyes if I do."
Tears are streaming down her face. 'Oh, Jason."
His arms flew around her as he realized he had upset her. "I'm sorry for dumping that on you. Johnny thought I should be honest."
"I'm glad you told me. You can't carry all of that around." She tried to retreat but he wouldn't lessen his grip.
"I can't look at you right now." He's not used to exposing himself and it's overwhelming.
She struggled harder until he finally let go.
"Look at me, Jason. I demand it." She normally isn't so bossy, but she couldn't let him bear this alone. "Now!"
His tear-filled eyes are fixed on her and he is shocked by the compassion he sees.
"You did what you had to do. No one looks on you unfavorably."
"I'm sure the families of the men I killed would think differently."
"Those men had no problem taking you away from yours. Why are you questioning yourself?"
"This is dangerous and if we fail, it puts everyone at risk. And when we win, then what? What do I do when I have to stop fighting?"
They had spoken of it before, but he had not admitted his true feelings. The fact that he is willing to show his vulnerability means everything to her.
"Nothing you can say to me will make me hate you. I see how much you love your family and friends. No matter how much you've had to block out the good, it always returns to you. If you were truly awful, you wouldn't be able to find it anymore. You also wouldn't have been led to me. I believe wholeheartedly that my family sent you here because you are what we need. I hate you must kill in my name, but at the same time, I don't want it to destroy you."
"It won't. It's what I know."
"We will figure out what happens afterward together. I understand you are conflicted and why, and I don't want you to be melancholy. Please say that you won't lose yourself over this. I want you beside me until our last breath leaves. Do you understand?" The connection they are developing is unexplainable. Fighting it would be fruitless.
A tear fell down his cheek as he nodded.
"I need to hear your voice. Will you fight as hard for our marriage as you do in battle?"
He is trying so hard to keep it together. He's not used to allowing himself to feel so much emotion.
"Let it go, Jason. Please…"
His chest heaved and she embraced him as he cried.
Monica stepped back from the doorway. She hadn't realized that battle had cost her son so much. How had they missed it? Her stomach twisted as she ran back to her room.
Alan moved forward. "What's wrong? Why are you so sullen?"
"Oh, Alan. Our son is in so much pain?"
"AJ?"
"No, Jason."
He let her cry for a few minutes and then made her sit. "What happened?"
She explained what she heard. "How do we help him?"
"I don't know. Something like this is more than I have experienced. We will at least give him our love and support. He will need it."
"Change needs to happen. How many others feel like him?"
"I don't know, but I will address it when we get home. Let me think about it. We can ask the church to help." They hadn't considered the mental toll. Nobody did. They just came home and tried to forget what they had seen as quickly as possible.
"Thank you. Elizabeth is a beautiful soul. She will help him, but I don't want it to trouble her either."
"Don't divulge everything to Tiffany, but let her know that Elizabeth will need a shoulder and someone to confide in. Elizabeth trusts her."
"Aye."
They pray that he will get through all of this and that the marriage will be successful. It isn't only about winning or losing, it's about his son's future and happiness.
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Elizabeth wandered into the garden after Jason left to handle a problem. She had so much on her mind. Knowing how troubled Jason is makes her wish he could find peace after the battle ends.
Helena made herself known. "What troubles you?"
She jumped with her hand over her heart. "Helena… Where did you come from?"
Helena grinned. "I flew?"
Elizabeth laughed as she cried. "You are not a vampire."
Helena made a noise as she shrugged. "Come and sit with me. I promise that I will not tell another soul. I won't betray you like that."
Liz sighed. "I don't know how to help Jason. He just poured out his soul to me. He explained how he must rid himself of his humanness to fight and the toll it takes. He doesn't think he's a good man and fears what will happen after he no longer fights."
"It's what he knows." Helena has always recognized Jason's complexity. Most men of his stature are always conflicted.
"Aye. I didn't realize how deeply he was affected. How many others feel this way and suffer in silence?"
Helena held her hand. "I'm sure there are many. These men have sacrificed so much for freedom and peace. They are taught to shove down their feelings and never think of it. Jason has been in many battles leading the charge. Sometimes, it becomes too much. This last battle might harm him greatly. You are strong and he needs you to hold and believe in him."
"I do believe in him. He's brave and one of the greatest men I have ever met."
"God has blessed him with you. Besides, if you can like an old vampire witch like me, either you are daft or can see beyond my faults and see something that sometimes I don't."
"Aye, you have a heart. Thank you for trusting me with it."
Helena can't even speak because she is moved by the trust and caring shown in the younger woman's eyes. "Your kingdom is lucky that you are leading them. Some may think you are too young, but circumstances have forced you to be wise beyond your years. I don't allow for a lot of emotion around me. Maybe that isn't always a good thing. In my haste to toughen everyone, I'm helping to turn off the good. You have given me something to think about. Of course, they will probably take my throne away and lock me away because they think I have gone mental…."
Elizabeth laughed as she wiped her tears away. "Only you can make me laugh at such a time."
"It's a reminder that you can always laugh again even when it doesn't seem likely. I have seen a lot of things that would cause your stomach to sour. I hardened my soul to survive but that probably isn't sustainable. That is why I understand Jason to a lesser degree. You have so much more to experience. Having someone by your side who will cherish you will make your reign even more special. Maybe I will have to visit occasionally so I remember the side of me I show you."
"You are always welcome. I will cherish your guidance. Sometimes, I feel lonely even when I'm surrounded by love."
"The loss of family affects you like no other."
Liz knew Stavros had died in a skirmish. She put her other hand on top of their linked ones. "I think he would be proud of you."
She scoffed. "Let's not pretend that he wasn't a tyrant."
"Aye, but I'm sure he has since reflected on that. You have a chance to not be like him, take it. Imagine how much more loyal your kingdom will be when you add compassion to the mix."
"And how will I assure them I haven't lost it?"
Liz smiled. "If they have a problem with it, I will come there and fight for your honor."
Helena's body shook like she was trying to break the spell. "I can't believe I'm considering letting you ruin my legacy."
Liz kissed her on the cheek, making her gasp. "You've been kissed by the goody-goody Queen now, so you are powerless to fight against your good nature."
"Now you are cursing me?" Helena stood, trying to hold back tears in her eyes. "I have to go before I lose my reputation." She muttered as she hurried back to the castle as an amused Elizabeth watched.
Who would have ever thought Helena would ever have such a conversation? It made Elizabeth even more determined to support her future husband.
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The next morning, Jason skipped breakfast and headed outside to address the troops. He stood on a giant stump and perused the vast number of men before him. He had been taught how to project his voice and use the mountains to echo it.
"Today, we all come together to celebrate marriage. Enjoy because the battle is drawing nigh. My hands are stained with blood. I understand the toll it takes, but be assured that if you don't kill them, they will have no sorrow in killing you. We need to go into this battle with a spirit of victory!"
They cheered loudly until Jason's hand rose to quiet them.
"You've worked hard and long. I am proud to fight alongside you. Go home to your families and friends. Today will be a day of celebration and rest. Tomorrow afternoon, you will prepare yourself for battle. Some of you have been called to move ahead and do damage. Do so knowing that it is necessary to save your families, kingdom, and everyone beyond our borders. Every kingdom has men here who are fighting for our freedom. We stand together. We fight together. We win together!"
The soldiers wildly cheer for several minutes and are shocked when the Queen appears. Francis lifted her and Jason grabbed her and placed her next to him. When they held hands, everyone was stunned.
Elizabeth took a mask with a cone attached to help project her voice. "I come to you today to thank you for your sacrifice and make a confession. To protect our secrets from the enemy, a rumor was spread that I was marrying Prince AJ of Maryn when the truth is that Prince Jason will be your new King."
There was silence and then one person stood and started to clap, prompting the crowd to surge to their feet. A voice cried, "Hail to Queen Elizabeth and our soon-to-be King Jason!"
The crowd erupted again. The men have grown to respect Jason and are happy he will be in their fold.
"Well, that went better than expected," Jason said.
Liz smiled. "They respect you and know you're a good man, Jason. Own it."
He slightly smiled. "I shall try."
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Elizabeth sat at a table filled with so many women she admired. "I want to thank you for being here. It's good to be surrounded by friends."
A chorus of, "Ayes," filled the room.
"Thank you for all the gifts as well."
"You have one more, Queen Elizabeth," Georgie said.
"Oh." She took the wrapped item from Georgie.
"Open it," Emily said impatiently.
Liz chuckled. "Yes, Princess Emily, I shall."
Monica smiled.
Liz carefully unwrapped it and gasped. There are beautiful pieces of parchment inside for drawing, some charcoal, several paint pots, and a note.
"Dear Elizabeth, I know this situation may not be one that you anticipated, but I look forward to our future. See you soon, Jason."
Elizabeth smiled brightly as she held the note against her chest.
"I will put it in your room," Georgie said. It was a perfect gift.
"Thank you." Everyone was so quiet, so she looked up to find several fighting their tears. "What?"
Tiffany wiped her face. "You've come so far, Elizabeth. You have gone from losing everything to being a fantastic Queen, and now you're happy and falling in love. I only ever wanted that for you."
Liz blushed.
"She's right. Your parents would be very proud," Monica said. "I know I am proud of you and happy to welcome you to our family."
"Thank you." She is shocked by their praise and doesn't know what to say.
Robin held up a glass. "To Queen Elizabeth, the heart of Guildenhall. May her reign be long, her health be good, and her legacy be remembered forever."
A tear ran down Elizabeth's face as everyone cheered. Never in her life had she felt more accepted and loved. When they calmed, she began to speak.
"You mean the world to me. When I didn't have strength, some of you bared my weight and I will be forever grateful. I wish that my family could be here. Sometimes I miss them terribly, but I know they brought all of you to me to inspire, learn, give wisdom, and have my back. While we may not be blood, it does not matter in such things. I hope that nothing can break our bond." She held up her glass. "To everyone here. There are no words for how I feel about you. Thank you for your friendship and support."
Everyone stood and the group hugged and shared the joy of the moment. Elizabeth is going on a new journey that will have challenges but will be highly rewarding.