Haruhi sighed as she shifted, her arms adjusting around Kakashi's waste. The past two days had been hectic, with Jinja and her wife caring for their retrieved daughter. Moegi was physically fine, if a little pale, but she was understandably shaken. She couldn't tell who had taken her.
The whole community was quieter now, and on edge. Haruhi noticed mothers grabbing children before they could get too far away from their skirts, and girls traveling in bigger packs than usual.
Jinja and her wife had become big members of the community in the past few weeks leading up to Moegi's kidnapping, becoming extremely involved in The Commons, and many activities with the Mothers Unions. This would not just blow over.
Kakashi moved her arms around him tighter. He was upset over the whole ordeal, and wanted to be the small spoon this time around.
"Are you still thinking?" He murmured.
The kids were upset too. Sakura because she had taken the other girl under her wing, Naruto because he often played with her and Konohamaru's other friends, and Sasuke, because of how close he had gotten to her mothers over at The Commons.
Sai didn't seem to think anything of it, although that could be his default from years of child abuse and slavery under Danzo, something he still hasn't really escaped from yet.
What they all needed was a picker upper.
Haruhi grinned, and whispered her idea into Kakashi's ear.
Haruhi grinned and whistled off key as she danced over to team sevens usual meeting spot on the bridge. The three kids were waiting for them, along with Sai.
All of them except Naruto, her partner in crime, seemed off-put by her cheeriness and the look on her face. It was the one she got whenever she had a new idea.
"Kids!" She cooed.
Sakura leaned back. Sasuek raised his eyebrows, Sai went for his art supplies, his weapons of choice, and Naruto leaned forward, face eager.
"Yes Haruhi-sensei?" He squeaked.
"No need to wait up for Kakashi-sensei, he won't be coming today!" She cackled.
They all groaned.
"I put off training with Tsunade-sama for this!"
"Really, he's always so busy with missions, can't they leave that poor man alone? I bet it's because he's secretly an old man and his joints ache."
"Awww, Haruhi-sensei really? But this is the first team training in weeks we were supposed to do!"
"What are we supposed to do now? I guess we can all go home."
Haruhi smirked, and pushed up her flashing glasses with her middle finger.
"Not so fast, gremlins!"
They froze. Naruto looked excited. Haruhi grins manically at their trepidation. They don't want to scrub painted genitals off of any mountains again.
Haruhi inhaled, and Sai leaned back with the air of a person about to watch a train wreck.
"Kakashi isn't here because for today, I will be teaching team seven!"
Her proclamation echoed. Naruto finally looked just as dumbfounded as the rest, and it made her grin wider, white teeth glinting in the sun.
"Uhh…" Said Sakura.
"Hm? Yes? What was that Sakura? Speak up dearheart, the wind is finicky today."
There was virtually no breeze.
"Haruhi-sensei, aren't you a…"
"Fabulous? Beautiful? Amazing?" She crowed.
"You are a civilian. With no prior shinobi training and are not fit to teach us ninja arts."
Haruhi hummed thoughtfully.
"Thank you for letting me know that Sai. Rest assured, that will not be an issue, because for Today, I have a training exercise in mind, and I get to be the judge of how well the four of you perform."
They all looked very interested now. Even Sasuke, who was the most dejected. That was funny, since he had been so open lately.
"Like how you come up with stuff for Gai-sensei and Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked.
She adopted a smug expression.
"Very much so. Tell me, how many times have you all wanted to see Kakashi sensei's face?"
The atmosphere shifted hard. A razor focus was on her now. She could have sworn to see a flash of Red from Sasuke's eyes. His face was the most open she had seen since before Moegi. She hoped she would be able to lift his spirits up.
Sakura smiled sweetly.
"Is that what this training exercise will be? To see Kakashi sensei's face?"
Haruhi smiled sweetly back. The boys leaned away from the saccharine air the two females were putting out.
"Yes. Start small, but by any means necessary. Kakashi will be checking in throughout the day to see how well you guys are doing. First we will come up with a plan to see his face, and when we run into him, we execute it."
Naruto shrieked in excitement.
"Now, come up with a plan to see his face, Chop chop! We will be meeting him at the Ramen stand in an hour!"
The children schemed, eyes flashing like wild beasts in the forest stalking a deer. Sakura proposed knocking him out with her medical ninjutsu, Naruto offered to use some of his ninja wire traps, Sasuke said he had a lightning jutsu that temporarily paralyzed people, and Sai said he could surround Kakashi with his painted animals.
Haruhi imagined Kakashi twitching and flopping around like a fish, or being suspended and swinging in the breeze like a clothesline.
Jeeze.
She felt a swell of pity.
For the genin, that is. Kakashi was just too good for them the way they were now.
The conversation then turned to how Kakashi would look under the mask once they caught him, and Haruhi was honestly impressed with their optimism. They really thought they were gonna do this, huh?
"Do you think he'll have giant lips? Or a weak chin?"
"Perhaps he's really old and is trying to hide it."
"I think he'll have buck teeth! Like a beaver!"
"Thank you for clarifying Naruto. What other animal could you be talking about?"
Sai got out his sketch pad and started scribbling furiously.
"Sasuke, Jerk! Don't you have Sharingan? Can't you see what is under his mask?"
Sasuke flushed.
"No Idiot, only the byakugan can do that, and Kakashi-sensei's mask has a chakra barrier to prevent that."
"Well, I think he'll have a giant mole, with a hair poking out of it! Like a witch." Sakura said, trying to steer the rapidly vering conversation back on track.
Haruhi snorted at that, and the kids turned to look at her.
"Haruhi-sensei." Sai said.
"Yes dear?"
Sai wordlessly held up a portrait of Kakashi.
It was perhaps the most hideous thing she had ever seen, with giant teeth protruding from a small mouth, to hover over a weak knobbly chin, topped off with a wart by a nose that was freakishly small.
It was all done with incredible talent, almost photo realistic, and so clearly Kakashi with the sharingan and hair.
She laughed so hard she choked, and gagged into the bushes. She regained her sensibilities.
"That's very good Sai. Let me hold onto it, so we can compare this with the end result later."
Sakura hummed thoughtfully.
"Hey Haruhi-sensei, do you know why he wears his mask?"
That is actually a good question, and one she will ask later, but for now, Haruhi smirks. She looks to the left, and then to the right in an exaggerated fashion, leans forward, and cups her mouth.
"He wears his mask because once he didn't and he was so pale he blinded everyone within a 5 mile radius, including me, so I can't tell you."
She said the middle part fast, because she had seen his face before and could describe it. They didn't need to know that though.
The 3 kids laugh, and Sai is just confused.
"Does he have an unknown luminescence bloodline?"
She sighed goodnaturedly.
"No Sai. I was making a joke, and commenting on his pale skin by saying that."
A pause. Then a plastic smile.
"Oh. I see. Ha. Hahahaha."
Haruhi sat still, grin implacable, and not at all bothered by the fake laughter. If anything, it amused her further to see the uncomfortable looks by the other kids. She would probably have to talk to them about being more accommodating to Sai.
"You can stop now Sai." Sakura said.
He stopped. They all sat around uncomfortable, deep in thought and faces screwed up in concentration.
"Why else do you think he wears his mask?"
Naruto giggled.
"I bet it's because he's a vampire!"
"Oh oh! Because all the ladies would faint!"
"Maybe he has stinky breath."
"I think it's because he can't grow a full beard."
Haruhi laughed.
"WRONG! WRONG. You're all wrong!"
"Then why!"
"The real reason Kakashi wears his mask is so his dentures don't fall out mid battle!"
They all break away into peals of laughter. Sai smiles, and it looks less fake. Haruhi wonders about the seal behind it, and if Kakashi could do anything.
Haruhi wipes away tears of mirth, lifting her glasses to do so. She then claps her hands to get their attention.
"Alright, we need to head over to The Ramen stand soon, so whats the plan?"
"We buy him Ramen! And watch really really closely! " Naruto said.
"Not a bad idea."
"Sasuke should have his sharingan on!"
"Perhaps I could sketch him quickly. A camera might be too obvious."
Haruhi made sure to complement Sai's thinking, before standing up and leading the way. Ayame was probably there this time of day. As they walked through the village, it was refreshing to see how much had changed. Many people had started gardens after the attack, and some had even begun to sell their early harvests or donate them. She recognized a number of people who participated at The Commons, and she could tell that some people who were receiving literacy classes there, as they were now reading the newspaper and other publications. Haruhi was happy to see some of them covertly reading the "tale of the gutsy shinobi" and other books critical to the shinobi system.
Sakura sidled up to her, blinking with big green eyes.
"Yes Sakura?"
"Kakashi sensei likes you. A lot. He'll be more likely to fall for it if you pay."
Haruhi snorts in amusement, then nods her head in agreement.
The stall is now in sight, and she is gratified to see the banner of the small shop tucked away in the corner of the village. It was so amazing to see more people out and about, and shopping around town. Many of those people were now frequenting shops owned by immigrants they previously would have avoided.
"Yo~"
The kids scream, and even Sai's hair stood on end as Kakashi looped over from where he had stood behind a wrinkled grey banner waiting to surprise them.
Unfazed, Haruhi giggled, and kissed his clothed cheek. Amusement crinkled his visible eye as a shared understanding passed through them. This was gonna be hilarious.
"K-Kakashi-sensei! We didn't see you there?"
"Yeah! What were you doing hiding there like a creep! Shannaro!"
"Calm down you guys. He can't help that he's aging so fast he blended in."
A constipated look befell Kakashi's face as the two exuberant genin high-fived Sasuke.
"Alright, what do you four devils want with little old me?"
"Old is right." Sakura whispered under her breath.
"Maa! What did I say about bullying Sakura?"
She giggled and ran behind Haruhi, clutching the ends of Haruhi's canary yellow blouse. Teuchi and Ayame calle them over, and they sat down. Kakashi reached for his wallet to pay, but Haruhi put his hand down.
"I'll pay this time, dear."
Kakashi blushed, and the two chefs cooed. The genin exchanged mischievous looks, parallel to the ones Haruhi and Kakashi exchanged.
"Thank you for treating me, then."
"Here you go!" Teuchi said, placing the bowl down in front of Kakashi. Under the table, Kakashi rubbed his hands together in excitement. The kids were trying so hard to appear calm and unbothered, while giving Kakashi incredible side-eye. An insane amount of side glances, really. Except Sai, who had his sketch pad out like he was about to take down a description for a criminal in one of those cheesy police shows.
He was looking directly at Kakashi, not bothering to hide. His black pupils were opened wider, as if he could get more light into them he would be able to see Kakashi's face.
Kakashi's eye glinted.
"I understand Haruhi-sensei is in charge of your training today, hm? What might that be?"
The genin choked on their words. They stuttered out things like politics, or information gathering, which was technically true, until Sasuke said;
"Swimming."
"Oh? That is a good skill to learn."
Ayame piped up. She had expressed an interest in becoming a part time lifeguard and had joined the program.
"It really is. I can help if you'd like, Haruhi-sensei!"
They beamed at each other. Kakashi cleared his throat.
"Well. That was delicious, thank you."
The genin shrieked. The bowl was completely empty, and as they watched, Kakashi pointedly dabbed a napkin over his masked lips, and let out an elegant belch into it. Sai's pencil tip snapped off from where it was pressed to an empty page.
Teuchi and Ayame were giggling, hands over their mouths as they both blushed and stared at Kakashi. This infuriated the genin.
"How did he eat so fast?" Naruto hissed.
"He unhinges his jaw like a snake." Haruhi said, grinning widely.
To his credit, Sasuke recovered quickly.
"Sensei, Ramen is salty. Why don't you have some of my water to wash it down?"
He handed Kakashi his water bottle. This time, no amount of side talking with Ayame would distract them. Sai got out a new pencil. Sasuke's eyes flickered red.
Kakashi drew the bottle up to his face and everyone inhaled.
He pressed it to his still clothed lips and tilted it forward. He drank through the mask. Everyone watched in shock, except for Haruhi who was grinning widely, as his adam's apple bobbed with every gulp. A water stain spread along his cheeks and chin, noticeable darker than the rest of the material. It had to be so uncomfortable. Naruto's mouth fell open in shock and offense and Kakashi sighed in contentment, and wiped his damp masked mouth with the back of his hand, as if that would help.
"Thank you Sasuke. That was very refreshing."
Kakashi put the bottle in Sasuke's still outstretched hand, but it was limp with shock, so the water bottle fell to the ground with a sad thud, and spilled the rest of the water. It got all over Sasuke's feet.
"Sasuke-kun, I thought you said you would be going swimming later, not now." Kakashi teased. Sasuke's face turned red.
Kakashi then stood, and clapped his hands together in front of him.
"Welp! Thanks for the treat, but I really should be going. It is my day off, so I'll spend it in the gardens. Let me know how your training goes!"
He walked away, leaving a silent booth. Haruhi counted to ten in her head so she wouldn't cry laughing.
"...What the Fuck." Sakura said.
"Watch your damn mouth." Haruhi said.
Naruto screeched, and flung himself towards the two swooning chefs.
"You two saw his face, right? What did he look like?!"
The two chefs attempted to speak, but kept blushing furiously, and giggling to themselves. Ayame caught Haruhi's eyes, and they wiggled their eyebrows at each other. Somehow, the kids had still not caught on yet that she was yanking their chain.
Ayame leaned forward.
"Well he…."
"He what?"
"He… had a mouth! With a nose, and also, a chin!" Ayame bellowed, and fell down laughing, with Teuchi joining her. Naruto stormed away with the rest of the genin following him, proclaiming that Ichiraku Ramen was no longer his favorite.
She caught up to them near the Apple tree, and smirked as she saw a figure coming down the street. Phase two was about to be put into action.
"Hold up, Genin! This isn't over yet!" She proclaimed, out of breath. She did notice an improvement in her endurance since she began swimming, but she was still a civilian.
"What do you mean, sensei?"
She ginned.
"Let me introduce you to my friend. He works part-time at the Konoha newspaper as a photographer, and always makes great shots."
He stepped forward.
"Hello. My name is Sukea. Haruhi says you guys need my help."
The man stepped forward, with dark blue eyes, curly brown hair, and purple makeup below and above his eyes. He wore a scarf that curled around his shoulders over a dark green trench coat. He carried an almost modern looking camera in his hands.
"Boy, do we ever mister Sukea!" Naruto exclaimed. "We have a sensei who never shows his face, and we need your help to see it!"
"I can take a picture for you then. Where is this sensei, and what does he look like?"
"I just told you, we don't know."
Sakura scowled at Naruto.
"No, Idiot, he means what he looks like in general, so he knows who to take a picture of!"
Sai takes the drawing he had made earlier of Kakashi from Haruhi's pocket, and unfolds it. The one so hideous it could be abstract art. It looked like someone stuck the worst bits into a mister potato head.
"We think he might look like this, Sukea-san." Sai says with all seriousness. Haruhi then realizes Sai didn't know they were joking around. He actually thought Kakashi looked like that.
Sukea inhaled sharply, and chokes on air. Everyone else is in varying states of despair. Haruhi is chewing her lip as she desperately tries to smother a smile.
"Ah. Does your sensei really look like that? I'd wear a mask too." Sukea smiles. It looks forced.
"No sir! We were just joking around when we drew that! We don't actually know what his face looks like!"
"Yeah! For all we know, it could look like that!"
Sakura bursts into giggles.
"Hey, Sai, don't they keep records of people's faces in their ninja files? Can't we find him like that?"
"Yes, they do. But I doubt we'd be able to get past ANBU. I have another idea."
Sai's hands flickered through a series of hand seals too fast to see. His paper then rustled, and Haruhi watched in morbid fascination as the hideous drawing was copied onto other paper until he had a couple dozen.
"Do you all like it? It's a jutsu I created by watching Rikka's printing press. We can hang these copies of Kakashi's face around to see if anyone recognizes him."
"Great thinking Sai!"
"Yeah! And Kakashi sensei will be forced to reveal his real face if he doesn't want people to think this is what he looks like!"
Sukea laughed nervously.
"Perhaps you kids are taking this a bit to far-"
"-I think you all should do it, actually. Keep this up, and I'll make sure to tell Kakashi how well you did."
The kids cheered. Haruhi smiles sunnily at Sukea.
"Okay then, before you post all of these, how about we try to get a picture of his face first? Do you know where your sensei is?"
"We do! He said he was going to relax in the Konoha Gardens! He's probably eating a snack over the creek. Lets go!" Sakura cheered.
They made their way over to the Gardens. Haruhi had agreed to carry the posters in her backpack. Every time she jokingly reached out to paste one up Sukea would gently take her hand in his and bring it down. Neither of them ever lost their smiles.
The kids had run ahead in order to scope out the park, with the promise to swing back for them.
They ran into Gai on the way over.
"Haruhi!"
"Gai!"
They hugged.
"Have you seen Kakashi anywhere?" Sukea started sweating behind her.
"Oh, you just missed him. We had brunch at Ichiraku's about an hour ago. Sukea was walking around after that, though. He might know."
Gai hummed, and got right into Kakashi's face. Haruhi could swear he was sniffing him.
"Well, Sukea? Do you know where my rival is? Silver hair, incredibly hip and cool, have you seen him?"
Sukea smiled and shook his head no. He is almost bent in half trying to lean away from Gai.
"Ah, well. Have a nice day then!" Gai walked away. Stopped. Then turned back around. His dark eyes sweeping across Sukea's figure.
"Have we met before?"
Sukea shook his head no. Haruhi thought the wig was probably really uncomfortable now. If Gai started breathing down his neck any heavier it might blow off his head.
After that, they walked the rest of the way to the Gardens. A Naruto clone popped out of the bushed, grabbed their hands, and tugged them over to the hiding spot with the rest of the genin. Sai had made a new sketch of Kakashi, this time with nose rings and face tattoos.
"Sukea-san, he's gonna eat lunch soon. You stay here to take pictures of him, and we'll go down and distract him."
They nodded, and the three kids jumped down. Sukea made sure they were alone, and then they began to giggle.
"Did you see their faces when I drank through the mask?"
Haruhi giggled back.
"Did you see Teuchi and Ayame's faces!"
Haruhi bit her arm to keep from laughing and alerting the kids below, while Sukea/Kakashi held his breath for 15 second. The three genin were distracting the Kakashi clone and trying to convince him to eat some of the snacks they had bought on the way there. Sakura gestures towards the tree, and Sukea gets his camera ready.
A series of unfortunate events happens, that strats when Naruto bumps sai and gets ink spilled everywhere. The cat lurking in the bushes is startled, and jumps, scaring the bird it was stalking into flight, where it then pooped in Sakura's hair. She started screaming and running around. Sukea snapped photos all the while.
"Are you kids alright?" The Kakashi clone asked over his empty food container.
They screamed in despair, before they collectively realized that Sukea and Haruhi were in the bushes. They said bye and then ran towards the prior agreed upon meeting place.
The film was developed in the polaroid, and started to eek out of the bottom. As the genin took the pictures out, it was clear from the devastation on their faces that it was a mission failure.
"We'll get 'em next time." Haruhi said, patting Naruto on the back.
One picture had the snarling cat where Kakashi's face was, then a bird, locks of Sakura's hair, and an ink covered Naruto dancing around trying to get the ink off before it could stain.
Sakura is ripping grass out of the ground while the boys scowl and sit around, and it's so damn funny that Haruhi's composure breaks and she starts cackling.
"Hey-wait a minute! This was her idea in the first place!"
Haruhi warbles out an excuse, hands held up in surrender. The four were creeping up on her.
"Now that I think about it, Aren't you and kakashi-sensei kissing each other? Wait, Doesn't that mean she's seen his face before!"
Realization dawns on the kids face, and Haruhi gasps and falls on her behind. She frantically tries to scoot away. Sukea smirks and moves away, probably as revenge for her trying to put up the ugly posters.
"Wait..you mean to tell us… that you knew what Kakashi-sensei's face looked like the whole time and didn't tell us!"
Haruhi burst into giggles, and screamed when Naruto charged her.
"Wait! I can't tell you...but I can draw it for you!"
She saw Sukea's face flatline, then turn panicked as he looked towards her. Sai offered her his pen and sketch pad, and the genin crowded around her.
"Back off! I need space! You will see it when it's done!"
They stepped away, and Haruhi's giggles picked up as Sukea started to sweat. She drew in loops and lines, curving her hand with the pen as she traced and inked.
She held up the end product.
It's Kakashi, with an amazing smokey eye, winged liner, a contoured face, and full painted lips. He's wearing pearl earrings and a necklace.
Naruto screams. Rips out his hair, then charges Haruhi.
She was no ninja, but Kakashi had taught her the basics in Wave, and she used the ninja jumping technique to clear the fence, and run. Sukea disappeared, and just before the genin got her, Kakashi appeared and swept her off her feet.
"Alright you guys, what seems to be the commotion here?"
Inarticulate with rage, Naruto just yelled.
"What is under your face!" He howled.
Kakashi blinked, then laughed.
"Why Naruto, if you wanted to know you should have just asked!"
That stopped the incensed blond in his tracks. He blinked, mouth open, before slowly relaxing.
"Really? You'll show us what's under your mask?"
"Sure!"
His hand slowly reaches up. Everyone leans forward."
"Under my mask, is...another mask!"
Indeed, under his mask was another, lighter colored mask. The screams were heard from all over Konoha, and they had to spend a few hours in T and I before Konoha realized it was just team seven being stupid again.
All in all, one of the better days they've had.
I'm done with the school year you guys! Have a fun chapter, because we all need to have a little fun!
My writing style has changed A LOT since I began to write this fic, but this chapter was inspired some by the earlier chapters. Do you think I partially captured an early objectivity feel?
Question of the chapter: Don't lie, did you actually find part of this chapter funny?