I don't remember how she used to be, the memory of her is blurry. I wish I could remember, maybe I could regain her happiness...and not just imitate it.
I also don't remember anything before that day...before that...vision? I haven't seen either of those two men since 4 years ago. It's as if they never appeared to me in the first place. Are they even real?
Another thing I don't remember is...this change. Not the imitation. For 4 years now or even longer, I've felt that I haven't been quite myself at times...it's like there's someone else speaking sometimes, it feels like I'm not controlling my Quirk sometimes, it feels like someone else takes over while I'm zoning out sometimes...
"Kamilah?"
"Hm?"
"...What are you thinking?"
I looked up into heterochromatic orbs, staring at me questionably. It's like he was trying to look into my soul, read my mind.
"Nothing in particular. Did I look like I was in deep thought again?" I asked with a convincing smile, my expression softening at his curious one.
He nodded, "Yeah, you have been a lot lately."
"Well...junior high is getting closer. I'm...a little excited and nervous about that," I admitted.
"Mm. What school will you be attending?" he asked, his gaze refocusing on the cartoon on the T.V.
"Aldera Junior High. I tried to convince my mom on letting me attend the school you're going to, but she claimed I needed to be around "normal" kids at a public school since I've received home schooling for years. I'm sorry..."
He shook his head, "It's fine. You don't need to apologize. I understand her reasoning."
"You understand?" I questioned, tilting my head.
He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, "Mhm. I must be strange to her."
I frowned, puffing out my cheeks, "No, you're not. You're perfectly fine the way you are, Shoto."
His gaze fell to the floor, "When you introduced me to her the day after we met...she had a sour look on her face when you said my last name." His gaze hardened, "I'm starting to think I'm cursed."
"You're not cursed, Shoto. Whatever your dad and my mom has against each other has nothing to do with us. Besides, she still treats you well and respects that you're my friend. If anything, I'm the one who's cursed..."
"Why do you say that?" he asked, a curious gleam in his eyes.
"It's...personal," I said, briefly avoiding eye contact before returning it quickly with reassurance, "I'll tell you about it one day. All I want you to know is that you're not strange, and if you insist you are, I must be so myself."
"...If I can be honest..."
"Go ahead and tell me what's on your mind," I gave him a push.
"You're not the average girl..." The tiniest of smiles could be seen if I squint, "And I'm happy you aren't. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here, sitting beside you...so thank you for accepting me the way I am."
My heart...felt like it skipped a beat. Is something else wrong with my health that I don't know about? Perhaps I need to see Dr. Tsubasa...
It felt like a mixture of happiness, guilt, and anger.
It didn't have to be like this, I didn't want it to be like this-
'NO! What...what am I thinking? Remember the real reason you've befriended this boy.'
I managed a closed-eyed smile, placing my intertwined fingers over my chest.
"You're welcome, Shoto...and thank you for doing the same with me," I responded.
Shoto shifted his body towards me, looking down at my gauze-wrapped right hand and staring at it for a while. "You never told me how that happened."
"Oh, this?" I asked, lifting it up and wiggling my fingers. "Well...you never asked so I didn't feel any need to tell you. It healed a long time ago as you can see. It just left a small scar."
"Did...someone hurt you on purpose?" he asked, his gaze filling with strong emotions.
"No, no, not at all. This happened one day when I was playing at the park by myself, it wasn't self-inflicted either," I lied.
"...If you say so," he mumbled. "About junior high...I hope you get along with your classmates, and make more friends. I can't be the only one..."
I blinked a look of surprise, poking my lips out, "Was that a...joke?"
Again, that very faint smile returned, making his appearance look easy on the eyes. "Maybe."
"Then, I'll take that as a "yes"," I told him matter-of-factly. "I...I don't know if I'll be able to make friends with new people. From what I hear, there are a lot of different people with different backgrounds that attend...and I might just be that person who's background is too different."
"I should be the one worrying about that. You're not as different as you think you are, Kamilah," he informed me. "But you are one of a kind."
As much as I wanted to laugh it off, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I am different, I have been ever since I nearly got drowned to death...I've changed somehow.
"Shoto...thank you, and...and I'm sorry."
He looked back at me, "Why are you apologizing again?"
"I...I don't know," I lied again. "I just feel like I need to. I think it's a habit I've developed when I...feel like I've done something bad."
"You haven't done anything bad. If you ever do, I'll listen to you whenever you're ready to tell me," he offered, moving closer to me.
I smiled at him, "Thank you again."
The next move he made startled me, forcing me to lean my head back as he leaned forward, peering deep into my eyes as if trying to read my mind once more like earlier. He pressed his forehead against mine, which made my cheeks swirl with unknown warmth...but I figured it was his left side making my cheeks and my body feel warm. I couldn't quite explain the stiffness in my posture while I peered back into his eyes.
"...Pretty," he simply easily voiced.
Hadn't I known any better, I'd say Shoto could be burning me alive right now due to the spike in temperature in my body. Of course, I've been called pretty before by my family, Joon, Rika, and Midoriya-kun...but it feels conflicting when Shoto says it.
"I...I...Sh-Shoto, I-"
"Hey, I'm ho-"
Both Shoto and I shifted our eyes to Hakim, who's just walked in from...wait, where did he go again today? It's summer break. Moving back a little from Shoto, I put on a smile.
"Welcome back home, big brother!" I welcomed him. "Sorry I didn't inform you Shoto was coming by before you left. I forgot. He just wanted to come over and play."
Hakim didn't look...convinced even though I am telling the truth, his eyes narrowed, "Play?"
"Oh, yeah! We were playing earlier in the garden. We came inside to take a break...Is something the matter? Did something happen?"
"..." His suspicious eyes lingered on Shoto, making me tilt my head in confusion at why he was mean-mugging him. "Playing, huh...I hope it was just that," he mumbled before sighing. "Anyways, yeah, something did happen...I got accepted into U.A.!" he exclaimed happily.
I clasped my hands together, "That's wonderful! Oh, right, today is the day you said you'd take the Entrance Exam. Mom and Uncle will be very happy to hear that you got accepted!"
"It's a relief that I don't have to try at Ketsubutsu, Shiketsu, or Seijin," he sighed. "I'm exhausted. I'm assuming Ma and Pa aren't home yet?"
I shook my head, "Mm-mm. I cooked though."
He lifted an eyebrow, "You cooked?"
I nodded, "Yep. Teriyaki chicken and steak with fried rice with shitake, zucchini, and onion!"
He placed a hand on his hip, leaning his weight on his right leg, "Since when did you know how to cook?"
"I always knew how, you just never noticed," I added with a "hmph" while crossing my arms, and turning my head away from him.
"Huh, well, I'll go have a taste then," he said, about to take a step towards the kitchen, but he didn't pick up his feet. "...If you cooked...so you didn't forget," he figured me out, chuckling whilst leaving the entranceway.
I opened my right eye to where Hakim was just a few seconds ago, then moved it to Shoto whose eyes were practically dazzling, very unlike him because his eyes are always dull...except when he interacts with me for some reason.
"You know how to cook?" he asked.
I nodded, "I taught myself when I was 6. Because I was home alone a lot, I decided to pick up on it and the constant snacks were getting tiring. I can only do basic recipes right now."
"Do you...know how to cook soba?" he asked...hopefully.
A giggle escaped me, "Oh, yeah...soba is your favorite. I'll be sure to cook it for you the next time you visit."
He grasped my hands in his, then bowed his head, "Thank you very much. You're an angel, Kamilah."
Hearing him call me "angel" is very much unlike him, this greatly perplexed me and caused me to be flustered. I constantly attempted to try and make him lift his head, telling him he doesn't need to thank me, but he didn't listen.
Perhaps he wasn't far off when he said he was strange.
As soon as I swallowed the pills, I was pushed down on my bed and the swift footsteps to my door were followed by the sound of a slam of my bedroom door.
I coughed up the pills that got lodged into my throat, pounding my fist over my chest to try and get them out. I coughed and choked out a couple of green, red, blue, and white pills coated in saliva into my left open hand.
Taking in deep and shaky breaths, I slowly crawled to my white trash bin, dumping them in there. I got up on wobbly legs, pumping and rubbing a good handful of sanitizer in my hands on my desk, and grabbing a few tissues to wipe the saliva smeared around my lips and down my chin.
With blurry vision clouded by stinging saltwater and the effects of the pills that were forced down my throat earlier, I stumbled my way over to my nightstand where I placed a glass of water earlier to drink my prescribed amount.
After I gulped it down without taking any breaths, I set it back down on my nightstand, climbed into bed, and swung my feet underneath my dreamy purple cover as if nothing ever happened. At the tender age of 8, I learned to get used to this, being force-fed pills...I don't think I'll have a gag reflex in the next couple of months or years at this point. The pain...is almost nonexistent. I hope I become desensitized to all of this before junior high begins...
I already can't feel physical pain.
With a flick of my right index finger, my cover pulled itself over me and I laid down on my back. My eyes rest on the full Blue Moon shining through my window, surrounded by small hot balls of fire billions and light-years away from here.
I always did this on the nights I can't sleep...and this is one of them. On its irregular colorful nights, the moon would bring a little solace...it has been doing so for 6 years now. My mind thought of a certain pair of heterochromatic eyes...
'I wonder if staring at Shoto's eyes would help me fall asleep...just like how Toya's did.' I slowly shook my head, feeling a bit drowsy now. 'Even if he has the one color similar to both of Toya's, he could never compare. Shoto has nothing in comparison to him...never will,' the thought drifted with me into a light slumber.
My eyes fluttered closed and my breathing began to slow down as my body started to relax and feel light; with the help of the silence throughout the house, sleep is slowly engulfing me.
B-bmp
B-bmp
B...bmp
B...bmp
B...B-bmp B-Bmp B-BMP
The unanticipated sliding of my window made me internally panic, but I kept my eyes closed, my breathing steady, and my body still. I heard footsteps land quietly on the carpet; there wasn't any movement for a few minutes, but I deemed it still too dangerous to make the slightest movement.
The next thing I hear is footsteps making their way toward me. Despite my heart beating like crazy to the point I think whoever this intruder is could hear it, I remained calm on the inside, steadily trying to calm my rapidly beating heart.
'If I try to call out for help, I doubt I'd get a peep out nor will I be able to get out of bed fast enough to make it to the door, this person is carefully walking so their footsteps aren't too loud...and judging from how the moonlight is blocked from my eyelids, they're taller and bigger than me. I'd be knocked out or killed faster than I could comprehend.'
Unprepared for what happened next, I flinched a little at the intruder lifting a strand of my hair up, but I swiftly played it off with a fake shiver. Luckily, the crisp spring breeze saved me from being discovered. The stranger stopped their movements for a while...then resumed doing whatever they were doing with my hair. I assumed they were expecting me to "wake up".
The stranger...deeply chuckled, revealing that they're a male, which doesn't make the situation any better in my case. There isn't any telling what his intentions are with me? Kidnap me for ransom? Blackmail Jameela and Uncle Rio? Torture me? Satisfy their sick nature? Whatever it may be, it can't be good.
'Wait, now that I think about it...this could all be just in my head. My medicine does make me sometimes hallucinate, be a little delusional because I'm so relaxed. Perhaps this is just another episode? This could all be in my head or sleep paralysis, and I'm just paranoid...?'
Before I could decide to do anything, the voice of this "intruder" spoke.
"You're...you're alive." The male paused. "You really are alive...and okay."
'I'm alive and okay? What the...who is–no, what has my mind conjured up now?'
"That's good...Even if it's good, that doesn't give me a reason to not still feel guilty for what I did to you...to me...to us. I should've explained, but I got so excited, I didn't know what came over me, and I...ended up hurting you. I'm sure the emotional pain lasted way longer than the physical pain."
'Oh...now I understand. I've conjured this...this fake as a coping mechanism, haven't I? Why couldn't I have done it sooner? I've suffered this long only for something like this to happen now? How cruel...but I guess it's better late than never, huh? I might as well indulge in this pitiful side of myself...despite knowing the truth.'
As real as he sounded and as real as his presence felt...I knew this person was a fake, an escape, a...deter from reality. This sounded nothing like him, this is what I imagine he'd sound like if he were still here. What a person will do for love...love can make a person do some crazy things...even if it's deceiving your own mind with a dream-like state, the help of overdosed prescribed drugs to cope with the pain is in great contrast to the emotional, mental and physical, abuse of a mother.
Afraid now that this moment will disappear, I kept my eyes closed and my heart rate gradually decreased.
"...You have more prescriptions now...and your dosages have increased, too? You haven't gotten any better...? Oh, I nearly forgot...you're not the problem, that woman is. She still treats you badly, doesn't she...? I'm sorry I haven't been here for you to protect you. But that's okay...because I'm back, Kami. I missed you...and sooner or later, we'll be together again."
Feeling...a rough, yet warm palm on my right cheek, I subconsciously nuzzled into it, reminiscing the days Toya would hold me close to him on cold winter evenings and press his palms against my cheeks.
Another chuckle slipped from the figment of my delusional mind, "You missed me, huh? You've been lonely without me? Unless...you moved on from me and made new friends. I don't blame you if you did. Even if you forgive me for what I did to you, I'll never forgive myself."
'Of course I'd forgive you...you know I would. Whatever came over you that night that made you act like that, it wasn't your fault...'
"I'll make it up to you, Doll. I've changed. I'll do whatever it takes to make up everything, okay?"
I am well aware that this is an unhealthy phantom of the mind, but I've already made my decision to indulge in it as much as I can.
"Toya..." I mumbled, smiling a little.
I turned towards the heat radiating from the body sitting next to me, placing my right hand over the one still resting on my cheek and nuzzling into it more.
"...Damn, you've gotten cuter..."
The beating of my heart sped back up a bit at the compliment, but I kept my relaxed composure on the outside.
He sighed, "I want to stay with you until the break of dawn, like we always used to do. I hate to do it...but I can't stay long this timw, Doll. I gotta go...otherwise, I won't be able to think clearly with you knowing I'm alive, and I can't have your "family" knowing anything about me."
Feeling the spot sunken in rising on my mattress, his thumb brushed against my cheek and I felt...lips press against my forehead, then directly over my scarred dorsal hand.
The scent of smoke and burnt wood clouded my nose, something I found oddly strange and alluring. Odd because I wondered if the medication is very strong to the point it could trick me into smelling things that aren't there; as for alluring, it's because I always found the smell of burnt wood to be interesting and smoke...soothes me like my medication.
No longer feeling his touch, there was a moment of silence before I heard the shuffling of pills in the bottles on my nightstand. The room returned to its quiet once the last gust of wind was followed by the closing of a window.
Fluttering my tired eyes open, I glanced around my room, not finding anything out of place nor was anything missing...
Or so I thought.
I closed my eyes, "See? All in your head," I whispered, closing my eyes for the rest of the night.
The next morning, I couldn't find any of my medication...
"What do I want to be?"
He nodded eagerly, "We're who knows how many steps away from choosing a career path. I'm curious to know...and I never really asked you before."
I looked up at the sky, "...I think I want to become a doctor."
"A...doctor?" the broccoli bear questioned.
"Mhm," I hummed with a nod. "A doctor specializing in mental health. I think it fits me."
"Oh..." he muttered, sounding crestfallen.
I looked at him, interested in why he sounded like he was anticipating a specific answer, but got the answer he wasn't expecting.
"What's the matter?"
"I...It's nothing you said wrong, it's really my fault for just assuming when I should've asked you sooner. I...I thought because your family are heroes, I assumed you wanted to become a hero, too. I guess I was so caught up in looking up to you all the time, especially when facing Kacchan, that convinced my assumption."
"Hmm...I'm kind of surprised you even saw me in that light. You don't have to apologize, and I don't really think of myself as the "heroic" type."
"What are you saying?! Of course, you are! You've helped me countless times, you always believe in me, protect me, and encourage me. You're amazing, Milah-chan, just as amazing as Kacchan...when he's not being mean."
"It makes me happy you think of me in such a kind way, thank you," I told him with a smile, patting the top of his fluffy green curls.
His cheeks turned light pink, I found it adorable how easily embarrassed Izuku could get.
We're well into our 2nd year at Aldera Junior High. Izuku insisted before we entered Junior High that I call him by his first name, he claimed "it's only fair since he gave [me] a nickname" when we were young kids. Shoto and I were on a first-name basis since 10 years old so we don't gain any unwanted attention, considering our backgrounds. As for that angry pom-
My gauze-wrapped hand was suddenly snatched away from my friend's hair, and I was pulled up from my chair to face his desk.
Glaring at the person who interrupted our conversation, I groaned and tried to pull my hand out of his grip.
"What the hell do you want, Katsuki?" I huffed.
"I'm tired of seeing you hang out with this nerd. It's beyond me why you keep entertaining him. Out of all the extras in this school, you choose to stick by his side?"
I sucked my teeth, "Yeah, I do choose to stick by his side. I don't see a problem with it. Maybe we just understand each other well enough that no one else in this school could ever! People are so fake nowadays!" I snapped at him.
He blinked a brief expression of surprise before it returned to that unsettling grimace he never seemingly wipes off his face. The more he would come around and bother us, the more I've gotten heated over the years with his behavior and attitude.
Sometimes, I think the angry pomeranian just wants to get under my skin rather than bully Izuku. Sometimes...I find myself bothered by him more than Shoto; however, I don't know which one could be more infuriating, but...
"You calling me fake?!" he yelled.
"Might as well! Your desire to become the Number 1 Hero is a whole ass joke to me when you act like this! I don't understand how you even think of such a thing when you can't even control your temper, much less be kind and respect others!"
He grits his teeth, eyes flaring with anger, "You're looking down on me now, eh? Just because your self-entitled ass is raised in a hero family doesn't mean you get to sit on your high horse and look down on me! You gotta couple screws loose, Fox, so watch yourself."
I snatched my hand out of his grip and to my chest, "So that's what you think of me? I-"
"Kacchan, she didn't do anything wrong! Please, Milah-chan, be reasonable and calm down!" Izuku blurted in a frenzy.
I let out a shaky sigh, taking Izu's words into consideration, 'Calm down, girl. This is Katsuki Bakugo, the one who'll keep barking and biting if you keep going along with his shit...'
"I'm not going to explain myself to you, I'm not going to try to entertain you and escalate this. You're a waste of my energy," I used my inside voice. "Izuku, enjoy the rest of the lunch I made you. I'm going to go cool off."
Sharply turning on my heel, my waist-length coily locks smacked Katsuki in the face and I left the classroom as he kept throwing threats my way.
'Stupid angry pomeranian...always picking a fight...'
But our relationship is much more complicated than it appears to be on the surface.
My left arm fell by my side with the pen as I slowly blew the lavender and chamomile into the air, basking in the mixed scents.
I closed my eyes, putting the pen between my lips once more to take a deep and slow inhale again to the point the end of the pen probably glowed blue for a minute straight.
Coughing up some puffs of smoke, I blinked away the salty water stinging the corners of my eyes. I decided that would be the last inhale for the day, not wanting to raise suspicion from nearby students eating lunch outside.
My eyes stayed focused past the green foliage and up at the sky as I slid my melatonin pen back into my left black thigh-high sock underneath my skirt. I felt completely calm, mellowed out even.
This was a gift to me from an anonymous person. Despite there not being any harmful substances in it, this was still illegal for minors under the age of 20 years old...but I kept it anyway. This pen would be an alternative as opposed to the medication sometimes, and to not feel anything after defending myself from Jameela.
I blinked, 'Lately, she's been acting stranger than strange. It was noticeable 2 years ago, but it is very evident now. She doesn't try to physically hurt me anymore...of course, the verbal and emotional pain is something she makes sure I never forget, but the physical abuse has stopped. I wonder why...'
I shouldn't care to wonder why, it's good news for me, but...that also jeopardizes these past 2 years of evidence. Authorities might think she's slowly turning over a new leaf...well, as long as she keeps up her insults, that should be good enough.
Ever since I found out my Aunt's address and the name of my dad that day after I met Izuku and Katsuki, I've been scheming, planning, lying, and deceiving the people around me...it's amounted to more than I had ever done since these dream-like coping mechanisms started 2 years ago.
It's like Toya is actually here, being that little birdy in my ear, giving me words of advice, encouragement, ideas...love, something I rarely feel like I receive, something I'm not quite sure how to identify with people other than him.
Like I told Katsuski earlier, people are fake.
I am aware that this Toya is a sickness in my brain I've created myself, he's like my subconscious, but with a form.
When things got too carried away, I'd have to remind myself that not all of what he says...or I say should be done. That brings me back to thought the day I met Izuku and Katsuki.
Toya left a strong impression on me...to the point I made my subconscious sound like him, and look like what I think he'd look like right now.
If someone does that, then leaves never to be seen again...wouldn't that mean whatever choices a person makes in their life could turn out for the better or worse as time goes on and changes?
I'd say my life would turn out for the worst if I took action on some of the things "Toya" told me I should do. This isn't really him, he'd never want me to endanger myself...right?
If that's the truth...then should I not hold grudges like Toya said I should?
It depends on the grudge. I hold three for three people. One for Jameela, one for Shoto, and one for Endeavor. My detestation for Jameela rivals the one for Endeavor; ironically enough, Endeavor added more fuel to my burning hatred...it was only recently I found out-not only did this man drive my sweetheart insane and got him killed, but not only did he raise the son I loathe for being a part of his older brother's death...but he's the one who sent my father to Tartarus.
Isn't that...ironic? It's almost laughable. Now that I knew he took away my own father and Toyaaway from me, I intend to return the favor and take away what he cares about most...
Shoto.
He said he'll make a grand plan to expose anyone and everyone that wrongs him. Would he say that 10 years from now if he were alive? Humans are capable of forgiveness, but...there are just some things in this world that can't be easily forgiven, especially if you're a child. As a child, they won't automatically understand why a person did this or that and the third.
I wonder if this grand plan Toya made...is something similar to mine. I'd end up following in his footsteps...so I could possibly die from something or someone. Without realizing it, I accepted death long ago when I was impaled and hospitalized.
At least I'd be joining my old flame.
"Hey!" I heard a shout from below.
My gaze moved from the sky and down a little ways from where I am hanging upside down by the back of my knees. I've developed a habit of levitating or hanging upside down for the past year now. It's like it helps the "both ways" part of my brain flow.
"What do you want," I demanded.
"I've been calling out to you for the past few seconds and you're catching an attitude with me because you weren't listening? You got me twisted, Fox girl," Katsuki taunted.
I frowned, "I don't want to hear or see you right now. There's a reason why I left the classroom. You keep following me around, like a kicked puppy. What's your problem?"
The grin and playful anger dropped from his features, "...You know what's my problem."
"...Hell if I know..." I muttered.
"..."
"...Why do you act like you care?" I asked, leaning myself up on the branch so I didn't have to look at his rare serious face anymore.
"Why do you act like I don't care?"
"Because that's not like you," I replied. "Katsuki Bakugo cares for no one but himself because he thinks he's the best of the best."
"Hell yeah, I do. Who's gonna stop me from thinking that?" he obnoxiously shouted, followed by an empty chuckle. "I came out here to check up on you, dumbass."
"Really? You care all of a sudden after what you just said to me?" I sarcastically queried.
"We do this back and forth shit every other day, Fox," he sighed. "Tell me what's on your mind. You had a distant look on your face while talking to Deku."
"...I didn't know you paid that much attention to me. I should be like everyone else to you, a "shitty extra". I don't understand you, Katsuki Bakugo. I'm not saying I am because I am not in the least...but what makes me so special?"
He scoffed, "Ain't it obvious? I've known something's been up with you ever since the day I regrettably met your ass. You weren't a normal kid, you kept to yourself a lot...like you're hiding something."
"I have nothing to hide, Katsuki. Leave me alone and let it go," I snapped.
For a while, I heard nothing, but his energy wasn't leaving either. I enjoyed what peace I can get out of it anyway.
Sighing in relief at the fact that he'd given up trying to coax anything out of me, I was startled when I heard an explosion and Katsuki sitting next to me to my left, glaring at me with red orbs filled with irritation.
"Wanna run that by me again, Fox?"
"You're so damn persistent," I huffed. "There's nothing to hide, there's nothing wrong with me, there's just...nothing. I don't know how many-wha? H-Hey!"
Katsuki leaned over, invading my personal space by getting too close to my face and caging me in by placing both hands on each side of my head onto the trunk.
The irritation slowly dissipated into thin air, strangely being replaced with something I can never bring myself to figure out. This is the complicated part of our relationship...he argues and...tries to instigate a fight with me in public but is nearly the complete opposite when we're alone.
Katsuki Bakugo has always been like this with me, and I never understand what he wants from me or what he gets out of this. I would've asked Izuku about his on-and-off odd behavior, but I didn't want to get my little cinnamon roll involved in our shenanigans.
"Wh-What do you want from me?" I asked, feeling anxious.
"I'll get you one day," he spoke.
As if he didn't just do what he did or say what he just said, he pushed himself away from me, then jumped down from the branch, walking back to the school with his hands in his pockets.
I sat there in shock, watching his fading figure with my mouth ajar, and eyes wide...then I shivered as my first reaction to whatever just happened. I couldn't tell if it was a good or bad shiver...
'Wait a damn minute...it's supposed to be bad! Why would I ever consider anything he does is good?! What the hell is wrong with me?! What am I-...'
has stopped working.
"Does your Mom know?"
I let out a euphoric puff, "Mm? Oh...no, and I prefer it to stay that way."
"It could develop into a bad habit. Quit it soon."
"Give me something else to soothe my nerves and I'll quit," I calmly retorted.
"Tch, maybe you don't need a "something", but a "someone", dumbass."
"You mean to tell me...you're willing to be my drug?" I huffed a laugh, "A person can't be addicted to another person if their relationship is undefinable."
"Gotta point there...but only if you let me in."
"Then, let me in, Katsuki."
He scoffed, "Like hell I will."
"Then, I guess our feelings are mutual."
The quiet between us ensued again as I took some more inhales from my melatonin pen, letting the scents mellow me from the inside out. My room smelled like fresh lavender already, mixed with sandalwood and honey.
My eyes rest on the pinks and oranges mixing on the horizon, the sun still peaking out as if not ever wanting to leave...
'I don't want you to leave either...because as soon as you go, he'll be going, too.'
Then, my gaze settled on the boy in my mind, sitting next to me casually while looking out the window, probably at the horizon, too. He has his usual frown, but his features are at ease. Does he somehow find a sense of peace around me?
Ruby red, I couldn't stop staring into them, getting lost in them, not wanting to understand the feelings forming in me, not wanting to think it was me-just the mela.
Can a person be an unhealthy drug to another despite an unclear relationship? Scarily, those rubies briefly flashed blue turquoise. My reaction was late on the outside, but I felt the panic bubble in me on the inside.
"Hey." Katsuki leaned over, taking the pen from between my lips, "You've had too much. That's enough for today," he told me, putting it aside on my nearby desk.
I kept staring at him, no longer fooled by the brief flash of blue, but still in a shocking state. My lungs felt like they were burning for air, I didn't know why until Katsuki said something.
"Let go or you'll suffocate, Kamilah," he snapped at me, leaning forward.
Again, I tried to get my brain to respond to the outside, but it was a late reaction. I assumed I was getting red in the face for him to realize I'm in the clouds.
When he realized I was still on Cloud 9, he moved closer to me, surprisingly coddling me by my nape and waist. Those rubies were getting a little too close for my liking.
Absolutely shocked, my lips finally opened to release the lavender right when he pressed his lips against mine, taking in the scented smoke.
Aloof and confused as to why he wasn't hacking on the floor from the smoke or the...intimate interaction or the eye contact he kept from start to finish, he slowly leaned back, not enough to give me back my space, and leisurely blew the smoke out.
"You good, Fox?"
"...I..." I finally looked away from him, hoping my long coils can mask whatever embarrassing face I'm making. "I...I inhaled too much. Thanks for the save," I muttered. "H-How did you...?"
"It'll be shitty to choke on my own smoke from my Quirk during a fight," he sighed.
"It would," I managed a chuckle.
Noticing that the sun had already set, I turned my head back at my warm LED lamp, pointing my right finger at it and flicking it, immediately turning it on its low light setting.
"Telekinesis," Katsuki noted.
"Close, but with a twist," I replied.
"...Ain't no point in asking," he concluded. "It's dark out, I'm heading home before the old hag starts blowing up my phone," he said as he got up.
"...Pun intended?" I asked a pitch higher.
"Shut up," he snapped, resulting in a fit of mela giggles.
"I couldn't help it... Anyway, you do need to leave before Hakim gets home, I don't think he'll take too kindly to knowing a boy is in my room...with the door closed," I mumbled the last part. "He's got a fanatical imagination, but he's got nothing to worry about."
Katsuki didn't respond as he slung his bag over his shoulder, making his way to my door and opening it.
He abruptly paused mid-way out my door, he just stood there for what felt like minutes ticking by.
Finally, he looked over his left shoulder enough to gaze at me with one eye. The emotion wasn't condescending, rude, angry, or on the brink of going off on me.
"He should be," he replied, then looked forward again, "You didn't eat anything while having your little chat with the damn nerd. You've been neglecting consumption a lot since we started junior high. I don't know who said what to you, but fuck 'em, you need the nutrients so I can properly beat your ass one day."
And with that "sweet" and "lovely" message, he left.
The silence returned, somehow more overbearing with just me being left in my room. There are times when Katsuki says some dumb typical shit and there are times when he bewilders the mind fuck out of me...
The latter just so happens to be the case right now.
I heard the clack of a door downstairs so I leaned my body over my periwinkle-colored chesterfield sofa, placing my arms on the windowsill to see the back of the blond's head, leaving.
As if he knew I'm watching him, he turned his head back with a...seemingly mischievous smile, sticking out his tongue at me, baring his canines at me like the angry Pomeranian...he should be, but wasn't.
Addiction is not the correct term for our closed-door meetings, our oil and water, our constant arguments-if you can even call them that-and our undefinable relationship.
Obsession is.
Again, and with the help of mela, has stopped working.
A/N:
Now before we move deep into this story, I just want to let you know that this is a split story from By the End of the Week. I've been working on this separate story since after I published which was...2 years ago? As you can see, I'm taking a whole different approach to this story, unlike the other one. I wasn't satisfied with the first one because I found out later that I like details when it comes to writing and drawing. I am trying out digital art to see if it's for me.
When it comes to describing a character, I feel like I'm not too specific with them despite being a detailed person, I want my audience to know exactly what my character looks like. Throughout, I will be spacing out links to what I imagine my characters look like as usual.
Now, I had to change a few things for this story, everything in By the End of the Week will be kept the same, but if you're a prior reader of that story to this, forget everything I wrote in that. As hilarious as that sounds, I'm being honest.
As the story progresses, I will leave notes at the end of chapters for information that will be touched on in the story but not thoroughly explored.