Whaaaaat? An update? And it's only been 3 years?
SO sorry everyone, life got a bit crazy, I lost a bit of inspo, and it's just been hectic but I want to say THANK YOU for everyone who's still been reading and commenting and being really supportive through it all. This is for you. I swear I will finish this fic.
As a kid, the last thing that would enter my mind when drifting off to sleep was the hugs I'd get from my parents the next day. Feeling the warmth of their cuddles, the pure love that came from every fibre of our beings. It was all I knew, as a kid.
I miss it. I miss knowing that they're there - not divorced, not 6-feet under from a fatal crash, not gallivanting around Kami-knows-where.
I miss being able to sleep without wondering if the next dream is going to - yet again - be of an ancient princess, with her strange stalker and fallen-in-battle husband. It just makes zero sense.
Everything was as normal as it could be given the current circumstances. I was just a teenager with major anger issues, dealing with taekwondo tryouts and worrying when the next assessment item was due. My whole issue was not dealing with my problems like a 'mature young woman', as Grandma likes to say.
And now there's weird auditory hallucinations plaguing my days and nights, a creepy stalker breaking into my apartment and sending me disturbing threats. If it weren't for the blu-tack, poster paper and red paint saying 'I'm coming for you', I literally would have checked myself into a facility the moment it all started spiralling out of control.
Thankfully, I'm not crazy. What's crazy, though, is Neji wanting to come to my house, calling ahead of time to my Grandpa - the mayor - for permission to come over on the weekend because he understands that I'm tired from studying all week. Breezing past all protocols so easily, like his reputation as a "fine, young man" precedes him or something.
Imagine that. Inspiring trust in older generations. Yuck?
Kurenai's the first to check on me in the morning. It's a weekend (praise Kami!) so by morning I mean 2pm. And by check on me I mean open the door and being overrun by Konohamaru immediately.
"Please no," I groan, and then he like - bomb-dives into the bed and it's just all stinky, smelly teenaged boy and wrestling.
"I'm so glad you're ba-ack!" His voice breaks and it turns into this Grandpa-esque timbre near the end, and then Kurenai musters all of her pregnancy strength and kicks him out of the room and smiles at me kindly like a badass. A scary badass.
"Morning, Tenten."
I sit up, feeling guilty. "Morning," there's a brief pause, where we're both sitting there at a loss for words. Because what do you say, to your pregnant stepmother, who you've been an absolute arse to since their marriage? "I slept in a bit, sorry."
"That's okay," she smiles again, "There's still breakfast set out on the table for you."
"Oh, thanks," I reply dumbly. There's that pause again. I look down to the baby belly. Clearly she's pregnant, how did I even manage to miss that? "How's the baby going?"
She beams. I feel another twinge of guilt. "Good. Strong, like Asuma. The morning sickness finally stopped so I'm starting to think this baby is worth it," she cackles and I crack a wider smile.
"That's so cool! I can't wait for it to come out. Got a name yet?"
"Not yet," Kurenai shakes her head, "I was hoping we could come up with one together?"
Shock. What did I even do to warrant that? "Not that I'm offended," I start slowly, "But why?"
She rubs her stomach slowly, pensively. "I don't know what Asuma would have wanted. He's gone, and," she fixates her eyes on me, "I know he loves you, so much. You're his daughter, and you're as much my family as everyone in this house is, and it's been so difficult for all of us to cope with what happened. I think this child, this baby, gives us something new. A fresh start. And I think you should be a part of it too."
Wow. "Way to start the morning Kurenai," I try laughing it off and it fails to elicit more than a small twitch of her upper lip. Great job Tenten, she just gave the best olive branch speech ever - get it together. "Of course," I say with a smile.
"Thank you."
The first thing I see after unceremoniously emerging from my room and scarfing down the leftover breakfast/lunch is Grandma, sitting on the back porch with a worried frown on her face.
"What's up Gran?" She looks up, startled. "Was I interrupting something?"
She shakes her head and gestures for me to sit down. "I'm just worried, Tenten. So many things are happening to you. Your mother should be here."
I let out a deep sigh and shrug. "Yeah well, she's not."
"No, Tennie," she looks at me with obvious pity. "I raised her. It's not like your mother to just disappear like that. She'll come back."
"No, Grandma. She left. She left and she's not coming back, okay?" There's a twinge in my chest. I feel the familiar rush of anger rising up in my throat and try to tamp it down. No good is going to come out of yelling at my worried grandmother. "You need to stop."
"I can't stop thinking about my only daughter," she scolds, "And she's your mother."
"Yeah, and I can't stop thinking about her too - that doesn't seem to be her deal though does it?" My voice rises up higher than I'd like. Grandma looks hurt. Another rush of guilt flows through my body for the hundredth time today - and it's only 3 o'clock. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I need you to not mention her. No- I need you to stop talking about her, because every time I'm reminded of her it just makes my heart die a bit. Please, stop."
She clamps her mouth and gives me that pitying look again, but I can tell she's letting it go for now. Grandma caresses my cheek gently with a wrinkled palm. "You have so much of their strength, Tennie. Ever since you were a little girl. Granted, your fire was aimed more at throwing your toy darts at any target possible, but it's there. It's still here, my girl."
"Thanks," I smile, genuinely, remembering the day they were confiscated when I started using them to wake up my parents. "I miss them too. But thank you for staying with me, Grandma."
"Anything for you Tenten." She pulls me into a hug. It's nice, being held. It makes me feel like just for those few seconds, everything's normal. That I'm a kid again and she's telling me those incredible bedtime stories whenever she came to visit.
"Hey Grandma," a sudden jolt of realisation hits. She sits up, sensing my surge of energy. "You know how you used to tell me those stories as a kid?"
"Not stories, Tenten," she pats my hand, amused, "It's your history. Your ancestors' stories."
"Right," my eyes widen to the size of dart boards, "Yeah. So how-how did you know about them? I remember you'd tell me the most vivid stories - there's no way it's been passed down that accurately for that long right?"
"They were very dramatised for effect, Tenten. But your mother went through a long genealogy phase in university and she wrote it all down. I just read them in my spare time, told you the stories and you just thought they were fairy tales all this time."
"You're kidding." All this time.
"I'm not," she says, mildly affronted. "The amount of times I've tried to explain it to you," she shakes her head, "Absolutely ridiculous. Like talking to a mule."
"Kami," I pointedly ignore that statement, "Please tell me you still have it."
It's almost dinner time when there's a knock at the door and a series of excited yelps. My brows furrow, confused, before I bury my head back into my computer.
Grandma, with great technological difficulty and Konohamaru's extensive knowledge, managed to find the file with my mother's research on the old laptop I've had hanging around for Kami knows how long. It's laggy and slow, so I transferred it onto my laptop to stop my mind from imploding. Self-care.
So get this: about a thousand years ago (1,354 to be exact) one of my ancestors was the Dowager Empress of the Land of Fire. So cool. She had one daughter and no sons, who then had one daughter and no sons, so there was this gigantic search for a boy to take over the throne so that the husbands wouldn't keep diluting the 'royal line'. And this is the crazy part. That daughter's name? Tenten. Apparently she married this hot-shot shogun lord who knocked her up with two kids before he died at war. She died in childbirth, and the son - finally - assumed the throne way later. A thousand years pass by and they pretty much disappear into obscurity after that.
Save for me, Tenten. The second? My mother must've had a huge history love for her if she basically named me after someone a thousand years backwards in line.
The stories pretty much end there, though. Grandma's stories were way more sensationalised for story telling. Heroic stuff about Tenten 1.0 running away to find herself and then coming back years later to forge allies through marriage and save her country from imminent war-based extinction. And she did, that's why I'm even here today, so maybe it isn't so far-fetched after all.
A chill runs up my spine the more I think about it. If it were true, was I really dreaming for the past week, or reliving an ancient memory?
Is that even possible? And, why now all of a sudden?
I take the route every acclaimed researcher would shun and google it. Like a champion. Vivid dreams that feel real seems to pull up a million sites on spirituality and dodgy URLs that look like scamming sites. Colour me interested, it beats homework literally any other day.
A few quick clicks and skimming through pages lands me on reincarnation. Reincarnation. Take a minute to let that sink in, because it's so ridiculous I'm laughing my head off at my desk.
"What's so funny?"
I jump in my seat, startled, hand slamming down on the desk to keep myself steady.
Oh, right. Neji.
"Just…reading," I close the laptop screen and swivel around in my chair to where Neji's standing, somewhat awkwardly, in the doorway. "Come in?"
It's a bit curious, to be honest. Why Neji Hyuga, who gave me the most reserved stick-in-the-mud first impression two weeks ago, is so weirdly…open. I must not have given him much credit because he's surprisingly friendly once he warms up a bit. Then again, a small voice in my mind says darkly, it's not like I've been a very situationally aware person lately.
Point being, Neji actually seems to be my friend (?) now, and that's pretty cool when the closest male friends in my life are Rock Lee, who spends most of his time championing eternal youth at the gym, and Shikamaru, who I bond with mainly in detention or at Ino's house. So it's nice, being able to have real conversations about things other than the gym, taekwondo or detention.
Being able to literally start a friendship war that resolves in a week, and also cry and have mascara streaking down my face so early in the friendship that literally nothing else I do can phase Neji.
Even the many fake kunais dispersed throughout my room.
With incredible poise and grace, he dodges the haphazard obstacles and manages to settle himself into the spare swivel chair, then coughs politely. "Nice room."
"Thanks, it's mine."
"I know."
…
"So," another polite cough, "I'm glad you and Hinata made up."
"So am I. Sorry I dragged you into it," I scratch the back of my head uncomfortably, "I shouldn't have started a fight at her place and I really shouldn't have taken it out on you when we'd only just met."
"Yep," he nods, and gives me a tight smile, "Not the best way to stay on Hiashi-sama's good side either."
"…It really wasn't me, I think. It's not an excuse, but a lot's happened these past few months and, yeah. I'm working on it."
"That's okay," he takes a deep breath and exhales, "So, how have you been?"
I pause to glance at the laptop and look back at him. "Everything's been a bit crazy. Just trying to keep up with school work, moving back in. You?"
"Good. Interesting," he looks at me pensively, "I was in the family library the other day and found this."
Neji reaches into his bag and pulls out a gigantic tome. He sets it on his lap and it's comically larger than him. Like, if it could eat, the book would swallow him whole. Not. Exaggerating.
"For a bit of light reading?"
He scowls. "No. For this. My family's history." He opens the tome to a page near the middle, it coughs up a tonne of dust in the process, and gestures for me to come over.
I scoot over in my chair, curious, and follow where he's adamantly pointing with his finger.
It's an old - very old - portrait, surprising no one.
An old portrait of someone I can only assume is Neji's ancestor, who has the same clear eyes and sombre countenance, and…
Me.