I would say that I've been playing an extremely stressful game of cat and mouse for the better part of an hour, but that would imply that I had at least set eyes on the target. The fact of the matter remains I've done little else but stalk back and forth down the aisles of the restricted section of the library. All in search of the elusive black book that caused such controversy between Dumbledore and Snape; all to no avail.
I was two rows away from taking a sanity break but couldn't find the strength to abandon the mission. As it was, I was supposed to meet the boys in the Great Hall for lunch at noon. That barely left me with half an hour. I continued, glad at least that there was no one to witness how absurd I must have looked.
I began this mission by walking straight back to the last aisle, standing there for a good five minutes just willing the book to appear. After that, I pulled out every title on the shelf before waiting again. When nothing happened, I took to perusing the first aisle before returning to the last to wait another few minutes. I was on the fifth cycle now, two aisles from the last and I was starting to lose hope that this time would be the lucky one, that this time when I went back it would be there. But I tried to hold onto what was left of my initial enthusiasm.
On the seventh rotation and only fifteen minutes left to meet the boys, I decided to call it quits. There were at least three appealing books on Merlin and The Once and Future King I wanted to check out when I came back to try my luck later. If they warranted a place in the restricted section they were bound to be good and honestly, at this point, no information was too obscure to not be useful.
But I would have to settle for a mental note for the time being. If I didn't pull myself away now, I was going to late for lunch-something I always hoped to avoid. After checking the location Dumbledore described the book to be one last time, I left the restricted section with a sigh, bumping into someone in the process.
"I'm so sorry!"
"Girl, you should be! And watch where you're going while you're at it. You're clumsy enough as it is, you don't have to go tempting fate by walking around with your head in the clouds." Renea laughed, grabbing onto my shoulders to steady me.
She has a point, you know. You're making quite a habit out of this.
No one asked for you, Romona. I shot back at the unwelcome opinion.
They're quite right, my dear. Neviah added, coming to aid her sister.
"Andrella? Did you hit your head or something?" Renae joked, but it was clear she was actually concerned I had injured myself.
How to best explain that I was momentarily occupied not listening to the unsolicited advice of the voices in the my head?
Don't.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry to worry you, Renae. I guess I just have a lot on my mind." I gave her a weak smile to match the weak excuse. I didn't like being this vague with my best friend, but with how serious the situation has shown itself to be, there was no room for taking chances.
"Care to share what's troubling you? Maybe I can help." Renae offered a smile, her hand squeezing around my shoulder in encouragement.
"I'm just starting to fall behind on my assignments now that I don't have a study buddy anymore." I blurted out the first thing I could safely share with Renae.
"What do you mean? You've been here with Elliott practically every day since the incident. Actually, I'm surprised he isn't here with you now." Renae confided, glancing around to make sure she hadn't just missed him.
"Yeah well, those days ended when he confessed his love for me." I grumbled out, starting to feel a spike in adrenaline.
Subconsciously my eyes darted to where the argument took place, not even a full twenty-four hours ago. Thankfully, George's mission had succeed. I saw red for just a moment, thinking of everything Elliott said to me before I remembered everything George did to me after. I still saw red, but it shifted in hue, deepened with passion.
"Damn, Andi! I told you that he had a thing for you!" Renae snickered, patting me on the back in a way that was neither sympathetic or comforting and perfectly in time with her laughter. I shrugged her hand off my shoulder.
"Whatever. Just like I told him, I've been too in love with George for too long for his confession to achieve anything but the end of our friendship." I said, crossing my arms across my chest.
"Ain't that the truth! But you know I need details woman!" Renae demanded.
I glanced at the clock overhead. Only five minutes to get down to the Great Hall. "I can't right now. I've spent all day in the library and I've promised to meet the boys for lunch. Are you going to the party?"
"I don't think so. Draco said he had something special planned for us tonight." Renae admitted with a shy smile, still hesitant to show her love for ferret boy. Not that I could blame her, if I was in love with a Malfoy, I'd be embarrassed about it, too.
Be nice, Andrella.
Make me. I retorted, wishing that Renae wasn't watching me so I could show my frustration by sticking my tongue out at Neviah's lessons in manners.
"Didn't you just spend all week with him?" I asked instead, unable to make my smile genuine.
"Yes, but that was with his family's house elves ensuring we stayed in our separate rooms at night. It's been a long week, if you know what I mean." Renae wiggled her eyebrows.
"You weren't trying to be subtle, were you?" I snorted my disgust before changing the subject before she could go on. "We'll talk over dinner, okay?"
"Looking forward to it, Andi, but now you owe me every detail!" Renae leveled with her finger pointed at my face.
"Whatever your lustful heart desires you weirdo but now I've got to go!" I laughed at her lavish expression before turning tail and getting the hell out of there. The last thing I wanted to hear right now were details about her sex life.
For someone that presented such a pristine, prudish image of herself-the girl loved to talk about sex more than anyone I know. That's saying something considering I spend ninety percent of my time with teenage boys. With the thought of the twins, I brushed off my strange encounter with Renae and picked up the pace down to the Great Hall. I focused on the slight burn of my unstretched muscles instead of the strained expression in Renae's voice when she spoke to me.
I wasn't expecting any fanfare in response to my late entrance, but it was an adequate description of what happened once I made it through the doors. I stepped into the hall, not making it even a few meters in before Fred shot out of his seat and propelled himself toward me.
"ANDIBEAR! Thank Merlin, you're all right!" Fred exclaimed.
"Of course, I'm all righ-"
"We were getting worried you got lost in the books you were gone for so long!" Fred bemoaned, scooping me into a bearhug that left my sides aching and feet dangling above the floor.
"Don't be ridiculous, Freddiekins! Getting lost in a good book is nothing to fear!" I chuckled at my own joke as Fred carried me the rest of the way back to where our friends were seated.
"Don't think Ginny would agree with you on that one." Fred countered.
Not one to be outdone, I retorted, "Well, I said a good book didn't I? Not one possessed by a rampaging murderer."
"What's all this about?" George jumped into the conversation with a curious tilt of his head.
"Fred's just being a git." I replied, settling down in the recently cleared space between Fred and George.
"Nothing out of the ordinary, then?" Angelina teased, causing the rest of us to laugh on Fred's behalf.
"Hush now. The amount of time this girl spends holed up in the library is criminal." Fred defended his position when our friends continued to share a blank expression. "You know I'm right!"
"First, I'm not a 'girl' anymore, Freddie. I've been of age for almost two months now and second, what's wrong with the library?" I countered, making the second point just to push his buttons.
"'What's wrong with the library?' What's wrong with the library?" Fred mouthed several times, getting louder as he turned to the rest of the group. "She can't be serious can she?"
"'Course I am, Freddie. The library is a wonderful, powerful, peaceful haven of knowledge. " I defended my tertiary home.
"You sound like a spokesperson for Ravenclaw." Lee commented.
"Or even worse, like Madam Pince is paying you to trick students into think spending every hour in the library is fun." Fred continued, encouraged by Lee's addition to the teasing.
"I, for one, think it's sexy. In fact, I don't think either of us spend enough time there." George supplied, voice steady but the wicked glint in his eyes gave away any hope of subtlety.
"I was going to say it's adorable how seriously you take your studies, but it seems you might have ulterior motives." Alicia snickered, looking far too amused with her contribution.
"Don't worry. She's talented enough to multi-task." George supplied on my behalf, kissing my quickly coloring cheeks.
"Right, so...what were you lot talking about before I showed up?" I asked, looking around the table for a lifeline.
Angelina was the first to come to my rescue. "We were commiserating over the lack of Quidditch this year."
"The Tournament isn't enough excitement for you?" I teased, honestly expecting no less from present company, which made more than half of last year's team.
"It's not the same!" Fred groaned; George finishing, "It's not like any of us get to participate, is it?"
"You're not still upset about the age-line incident are you?" I snickered.
"I, for one, haven't stopped laughing about it." Lee added unhelpfully.
"It isn't fair!" George whined; Fred protesting "We'll be seventeen in three months!"
"It's not like Angelina, Andi, or Lee were selected either." Alicia pointed out.
"Maybe we should be happy about that, I mean, the champions don't seem to be having much fun, do they? I get happier by the day that I decided not to enter. I mean just look how miserable they are." I directed their attention to where both Cedric and Fleur could be seen at their respective tables, starting at their golden eggs with expressions of desperation.
"What do you mean you didn't enter?" Fred questioned. George adding, "We watched you put the paper in, Drells."
"Might not have been my name on the paper." I mumbled, avoiding eye contact and shrugging my shoulders-basically doing anything I could to downplay the situation.
"And whose name would you have entered if not your own?" Alicia prompted with a wicked grin.
I shrugged my shoulders again before George pulled my chin up to meet his questioning gaze. "Drella?"
"What?"
"Who's name did you put in the Goblet?" George persisted, voice firm and expression unreadable. I continued to look anywhere but his impossibly blue eyes. It was difficult with George holding my face in place, but I managed.
"Isn't it obvious, you git?" Angelina answered for me, the both of us snapping up at her smug tone. "She put your name down instead. Congratulations on tricking the Goblet, by the way. That couldn't've been easy."
"Is that true?" George asked.
"Well...yeah." I admitted with another shrug, feeling nervous under the weight of everyone's stare.
"Bloody Hell, Andi! You mean to tell us that you have the ability to fool the age line and get past all of Dumbledore's precautions the entire time?" Fred accused.
"Um...yeah?" I repeated, pushing myself further into George's side to put as much space between myself and Fred as possible.
"And you didn't think to tell us about this special ability of yours?" Fred asked, voice dangerously calm.
"No?" I cautioned the truth.
"You just put my blasted idiot twin brother's name in instead?" Fred grumbled.
"Yes?"
"Andi-if I didn't love you like a sister-"Fred began, George cutting him off with a pointed finger jabbing into his chest. "Oi! Don't you dare threaten my girlfriend, especially not right in front of me!"
"Both of you stop it!" I hissed, slamming my empty goblet down on the table. "Fred-he didn't get picked so it doesn't matter either way. George-thank you, but I can take care of myself. Now can we return to having a civilized conversation?"
"When has a conversation with these lads ever been considered 'civilized'?" Katie broke the tense silence that followed.
"She's got a point, love." Lee laughed, causing the rest of us to join in.
It wasn't long before a lighthearted easiness returned to our group. In fact, we were in the middle of teasing Alicia and Katie for their slight crushes on Viktor Krum when someone tapped on my shoulder. I turned around to see Harry Potter greeting the rest of the house mates and former Quidditch team before returning his attention to me. "'Ello, Harry. How are you?"
"Good, thanks. I just received a note from Snape." Harry explained handing over the parchment.
"Merlin's Pants!" I cursed, throwing down the letter and springing up from the table.
"Where's the fire?" Lee teased.
"Up our arses if Harry and I don't get down to the dungeons in the next ten minutes!" I replied, slinging my haphazardly packed bag over my shoulder and swooping down to kiss George. "I'll meet you by the statue for the Honeydukes run when I'm done. Love you, bye!"
I didn't give him a chance to reply before I grabbed Harry's hand and dragged him out of the Great Hall. With only mild protest, Harry kept his pace in time with mine in a near sprint down to the Snape's office. In truth, his lack of protests might have been due to his efforts to hold onto the golden egg in our mad-dash. Due to my efforts we had just a moment to catch our breath at the door before we entered, calm and collected.
"How lovely of you to arrive precisely on time. A first for you, Mr. Potter. Thank you for proving yet another of my theories correct." Snape commented in his usual dry tone, not even bothering to glance up from the stack of parchments he was scoring.
"What theory would that be, Professor Snape?" I prompted the man, purposefully ignoring the murderous way Harry glared at me. I returned the sentiment by beaming at him.
"That you, Miss Wendling, at least understand the importance of punctuality, a simple feat Mr. Potter can only accomplish with assistance." Snape replied, an almost indistinguishable upward tilt of his lips on an otherwise blank canvas. The bells and whistles went off in my mind, alerting me that a joke was in progress.
The humor was lost on Harry.
With clearly expressed restraint, Harry inquired, "What shall I be doing today, Professor? Scrubbing the cauldrons again?"
"Why waste time when a simple spell should suffice? No, today you are going to make use of yourself." Snape pointed over to the desk closest to the store room. "Do you see that bag?"
"Yes, Professor." Harry confirmed, biting his tongue at being spoken to like an idiot.
"You are to go down to the green houses and help Professor Sprout obtain enough Bubotuber pus to fill all of the empty vials inside." Snape instructed with a cruel pleasure. When Harry made no motion to do as directed, Snape rose an inquisitorial eyebrow, the challenge to defy him again unmistakeable. "Well, what are you waiting for, Mr. Potter? I see no reason you should not have all these vials full and returned to their proper place in the storeroom before its time for the New Year's Feast. Do. Not. Make. Me. Late. Potter."
Harry's eyes narrowed to dangerous slits but he wisely bit his tongue. In place of lashing out, he simply nodded his comprehension, retrieving the bag from the desk. He threw a long-suffering look over his shoulder at me before making a silent and speedy exit. Snape and I watched him leave, turning our attention back to each other only when the door slammed shut.
"So, Andrella, have you met with Professor Dumbledore since our last meeting?" Snape was the first to break the silence.
"So, Severus, back to first names now that we're alone?" I couldn't name the motivation behind irritating the surly professor (besides old habits dying hard), but I didn't try to fight it. My teasing returned the customary scowl to his face. I was more than fine with this. It was unsettling to see his expression hold genuine concern directed at-anyone really-let alone me.
"No. I told you not to call me that. Now I am asking you." Snape reprimanded. "Answer the question, Andrella."
"No." I answered, quelling the urge to address him by his first name again by rolling my eyes instead. "Dumbledore never sent me an owl to reschedule."
"I am sure he is just too busy for anything but the tournament at the moment. Do not fret, I am sure he will get back to you when he finds it convenient." Snape's statement held too much resentment not to be speaking of a recent encounter with the elusive headmaster. Seeming to realize this as I did, he cleared his throat and continued on in a more even tone. "No matter. We will continue our lessons. I understand how important it is for you to be prepare for what the new year had in store for you. Thankfully for us both, so do you.
"Thank you for arriving promptly. I would have preferred to contact you directly instead of relying on a Potter for anything, but I did not want to arouse suspicion. It is already well known Potter is a delinquent in need of reformation. Why Dumbledore could possible believe he is better suited for the task I will never begin to understand, half the time I question-"
"Severus?" I interrupted.
My boldness seemed to have done the trick. His eyebrows knitted as he repeated, "For the last time, Miss Wendling, Do. Not. Call. Me. That." He said the last words singularly and in exactly the same way he seethed at Harry, but the glint in his eyes showed no malice.
"Sorry, Professor, but you were rambling. It was uncharacteristic and frankly rather disturbing." I explained now that I had regained his attention.
"Do not interrupt me again." Snape hissed. "We do not have much time before I am set to leave Hogwarts due to unforeseen circumstance. That is why we could not keep our regularly scheduled time. However, that does not eliminate all we must accomplish before it is safe for us to leave."
"Professor? What do you mean by 'leave'?"
"As you know this potion requires an infrequently abundant amount of moonstone." Snape said, seemingly throwing our conversation in an inconsequential tangent.
"Yes?"
"And what is the one best thing you can do to increase the potency of potions with high levels of moonstone?" Snape asked, speaking in his typical manner that made every answer seem simple in his mind.
"By being brewed to align with the cycle of the full moon?" I hazarded an answer.
"No. That is the only way this particular potion will not be rendered useless. Think broader." Snape redirected, making minimal effort to hide his disappointment.
"By ingesting the potion while in direct contact with the moonlight?" I tried again.
"Correct. And what is one way to increase potions of a reflective nature?" Snape continued and I couldn't help feeling as nervous as I did while in class. Even if I knew the answer, Snape's stare alone would convince me that I did not. Admittedly, there was less pressure when there was an almost smile on his face.
"By ingesting the potion near a body of water. By theory, the larger the body of water, the broader the scope of the future shown in the resulting dreams." I answered, visualizing the page of the textbook-but I was extra careful to rephrase the answer, knowing how Snape detested regurgitation of facts.
"Correct again. Now if you want to get the greatest effect possible from this potion, given the limits of your safety, how would you achieve that?"
I thought about my answer for barely a minute before I replied with a confidence. "I would take the potion tonight, on the shore of the Black Lake, under the moonlight, at the stroke of midnight of the New Year. This will increase the effect of both properties by how much the moonlight with reflect off the water."
"Clever witch, indeed. Ten points to….Gryffindor." Snape said the title begrudgingly. Neither of us mentioned the added burn by way of the near decision of the Sorting Hat that would have had him awarding his own house points.
"But surely Professor, you couldn't possibly encourage a student to break so many school rules at once." I said, breath bated with feigned shock.
"As your professor, no, surely not." Snape replied in a flippant manner to match my own. "Out of curiosity, besides Dumbledore, who else knows of the true nature of our lessons together?"
"Just George and Fred. They know mostly everything. Also the other professors are rather bright. I'm sure they have come to their own conclusions outside of whatever Dumbledore has told them" I shrugged.
"Please define what you mean by 'mostly everything?'"
"I did not tell them anything about what I learned in my excursions into your memories or what you've told me. I've only told them the bare essentials like what potions we've been working on and how we're trying to access the memories of my coma. I didn't them that we'd already succeeded, or about Merlin's Curse, the book, or Dumbledore's theory. Just the Sorting Hat's. And also that I trusted you 'beyond a reason doubt'" I added air quotes as I rephrased the twins' colorful protest at my proclamation of trust. They couldn't understand my 'abrupt switch' in attitude toward the Potion's Master and I couldn't explain my reasons further without betraying his trust.
"I didn't tell them anything that might persuade them into changing their opinion on you if that's what you're really asking."
"As I said, it is advantageous for us to only be allies in secret. Despite my best efforts I do….care for you. Professor, ally, or not I cannot advise you to wander alone outside the castle during the full moon. If the Weasley twins are already aware of the purpose of the potion….Perhaps they could prove their talent for sneaking around the castle to be of some use other than mindless self indulgences." Snape chose his words carefully.
"Just to be perfectly clear, because you 'care for me' as you say, does that mean you'll pardon us if we're caught out of the tower past curfew?" I pressed.
"Absolutely not." He denied without missing a beat. "However, we both know despite how irritating their behavior, the twin nuisances are quite adept when they chose to apply themselves. Between the three of you, I dare say you will find away to evade detection. Menaces they may be, morons they are not." Snape praised the twins in his own backhanded way.
"May I be as bold to ask why you can't be there to escort me yourself?"
"No, you may not." Snape insisted.
I quirked my head to the side, considering my next move. Conversations with Professor Snape proved very similar to playing chess. I decided with so much already out in the open, there was no loss in laying it all on the line with a direct, if not presumptive approach.
"I notice you keep scratching at your arm. But only the left one….I wonder if the sudden...affliction might coincide with your abrupt unavailability this evening?" I asked, laying my folded hands on the desk in front of me as I waited for Snape to either take the bait or cast a line of his own.
"Clever witch, indeed." Snape grunted, his dark eyes narrowing as he scrutinized my casual position. "You are correct once again. I must meet with some old...acquaintances tonight. My appearance is crucial for the cause. Do not ask me anything more. If anything is discovered that is relevant to you I will share it to you tomorrow when we meet to discuss the effects of the dream potion."
"Thank you, Professor." I said, knowing for once not to try and push my luck.
"Do not thank me yet, Andrella. Before I am sure you can handle the magnitude of what we are about to embark on, I must ask you to trust me by answering some rather difficult questions. I am sure that you will have your own as a result. I ask that you answer these questions under aid of Veritaserum. I will do the same for any questions you may have. Do you agree to this?" Snape asked, pulling out two small vials from the breast pocket of his cloak and placing them between us on his desk.
"I suppose it's the only certain way to get more than half truths between the pair of us." I sighed as I picked up one of the vials. "How much should I take?"
"It's brewed to double strength. The whole thing will last about three hours. A small sip should suffice. Feel free to keep the rest as a good faith measure." Snape instructed, picking up the remaining vial.
"Bottoms up, Professor Severus!" I chuckled. Snape heaved an exasperated sigh and then without further ado, we both took twin sips of the (needless to say) perfectly brewed truth serum.
"Now that's all settled. I suppose we might as well begin. Are you ready?" He asked with a small incline of his head.
"Not really, but I need to get this over with as soon as possible so I have more time to sneak back to the Library before I'm to meet George." I found myself blurting out, knowing instantly that not only was the potion successful it was rather potent.
"Why are you going to the library and why are you meeting George?"
"I'm trying to find the book, obviously." I scoffed, thinking about how pointless his line of questioning seem to be. "And George and I are going on a Honeydukes run for tonight's party."
"Are these both activities you indulge in frequently?"
"The library, yes. Even before I knew about the book or had access to the Restricted Section, I've been averaging at least a few hours there every day." I answered with a shrug, less confident in supplying the answer for the next part of the question. "And yes, we used to sneak out for candy or drinks frequently but ever since I've discovered I had the ability, I've been summoning it to us instead."
"Summoning how?"
"I dunno exactly. I envision what I want and I will it to me. I can't explain it really. Just another weird thing I can do since waking up."
"What other 'weird things' can you do now that you could not before?" Snape prompted.
"Loads of things. I can perform almost all magic wandlessly now. Half of the time I don't even have to say a spell or think of it really. Things I didn't even think were possible. Like flying...and controlling the elements-but I can't do that well yet, so it comes out in bursts. Especially when I'm emotional. Fear, anger, and passion seem to work the best in bringing out unintentional magic-like when George and I have sex. We begin to float and-"
"That's quite enough of that!" Snape insisted, pale face quickly coloring.
"It's not exactly like I can control my answers, is it?" I shot back, feeling my own cheeks heat up.
"No, it isn't. What do you mean by flying and elemental control-and for the love of Merlin, please spare any further details about the going ons of what you and the Weasel do in your free time." Snape redirected the conversation hopefully into safer territory. I couldn't find motivation beyond my embarrassment to complain about his jab at George.
"They're one and the same. I found out about the flying because Dumbledore took my broom away without telling me and I didn't fall. He told me that's what it was after, but he hasn't told me anything else since then. Just given me more lessons with Professor Sprout and Hagrid to help me get better familiarized with earth."
"Is there anything else?"
"I can teleport, I guess." I said with a shrug, unable to think of much else that didn't involve what George and I did together in our free time.
"'You guess'?" Snape paused at the lack of expression on my face.
"It's not apparation so yeah, that's the best way I can put it." I shrugged again.
"When you do this type of magic, you say you do it without consciousness?"
"Yes."
"When you attempt to repeat it purposefully, can you do so easily or is it difficult when conscious effort is applied?" Snape prodded.
"Both. Sometimes it's strenuous on my mind and body….Sometimes-usually when I'm with George-I feel energized. Like performing more advanced magic than I knew myself capable surges me full of power. When I'm with George, it makes me feel invincible." I admitted with a smile, happy to put it into words that properly explained the feelings, even if my audience grimaced upon receiving them.
"What happens when it is difficult? When the magic is more advanced than you are able?"
"So far nothing has been 'more than I'm able,' but I'll feel weak afterwards. Dizzy and overwhelmed." I said quietly, hoping my tongue would stay in cheek.
"How far have you pressed your limits?"
"I can make myself invisible, fly, and teleport effortlessly now… but some of the most challenging magic was applying it to George. Haven't tried flying yet, but the other two went well." I answered.
"Which elements do you prefer?" Snape asked, seeming to change the subject with nothing more than a blink of his sharp eyes.
"Air and fire." I said after a moment's thought.
"Then we will focus on water and earth. You will focus on the other two yourself and report back. Use the restricted section well and report back to me with what you have learned in time for our next meeting. Sound fair?" Snape proposed a long list of work.
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as the truth took a teasing form. "From you, It is fairer than I've come to expect."
"Glad you think so because you're still writing the journals on the effects of the dreams. Do not think I have forgotten about that."
"Of course not, Professor, when have you ever forgotten to remind your students about the heaping piles of work you so enjoy assigning?" I quipped.
Snape ignored it. "Beyond the curriculum or what is standard or even appropriate for most students, what is the one thing you would like to use your new… abilities to achieve?"
"I would like to become an animagus, but I wouldn't want to register. Seems to defeat the purpose. Will you help me? Can you?"
"Yes, I will help you, but no, I cannot directly help you myself. I do, however, know someone who might be persuaded to help. I suggest you add the matter to your research list now that you have access to more controversial Transfiguration works." Snape said, smirking a challenge for me to protest at the additional work.
"Should I ask Professor McGonagall for her assistance?"
"No." Snape replied quickly, expression souring. "As invaluable as her help might prove to be, I find her insufferable to work with on a more personal level. She has a habit of treating me like I am fourteen, not nearly thirty-five!"
"Is it your birthday soon, Professor?" I asked, perking up at the possibility.
"Yes." He confirmed begrudgingly.
"When?" I beamed.
"On the ninth." He admitted then eyes narrowing. "And don't you dare think of acknowledging the fact!"
"Why not, Sev, don't you enjoy your birthday?"
"No. Nothing about the day is enjoyable and I told you not to call me that!" He huffed his exasperation.
"Why does it bother you so much to be called that?" I asked, smile falling slightly as I watched his expression as I waited for his answer.
"Because it is highly inappropriate for a student to address me as anything other than Professor, let alone by my given name!" Snape explained hotly, as if it wasn't his thousand time rattling off his reasons to protest.
"I know that already. I mean when I call you 'Sev', you get ten times more mad than if it's your full name or just your first name." I pointed out. I understood the inappropriateness of the situation, but it was his strong volatile reaction to hearing the nickname that made me keep doing it. I was only trying to figure out why.
"Lily was the one to give me that nickname and I suppose in certain ways…. You remind me of her." Snape said after a long while, speaking so softly, clearly wishing had the power to resist the compulsion of his too-strong potion.
"I'm sorry. I won't call you that again; I didn't realize why it bothered you, now that I know I'll stop." I vowed.
"While I am still your Professor, I believe that is for the best." Snape agreed, nodding his head solemnly, contradicting the ghost of a smile on his face.
"Does that mean when you're no longer my professor it wouldn't bother you if I addressed you as equals?" I countered, testing the waters with the gentleness of a cannonball.
"Ask me again once you have graduated." Snape said through pursed lips that certainly did not quirk upwards at the ends due to my persistence.
"Fair enough." I chuckled, nodding my head in his direction. "Do you have any more questions?"
"Dozens, but I am sure you have just as many and time is quickly running out." Snape inclined his head, and I took it as my cue to flip the tables on this interrogation.
"Who are going to meet? Where are you meeting them, when, and-my personal favorite-why?" I asked, jumping straight to the heart of things, earning my scarlet and gold stripes.
"Lucius Malfoy. The Shrieking Shack." The words passed through Snape's gritted teeth before he glanced at the clock overhead and answered the last two questions in similar discomfort. "In exactly an hour from now to discuss private business."
"What is this private business rooted in then?" I rephrased, growing frustrated with his skill in giving evasive answers.
"The return of the Dark Lord." He replied calmly even if he did not want to admit this truth in his own mind, let alone aloud.
"How can you tell? Is it the mark? How does that work?" I kept asking questions but tried to mirror his calm approach to the delicate subject.
"Yes. The mark has all but disappeared in the Dark Lord's thirteen year absence. It has been darkening since mid-summer and now at times it twitches, just pin-pricks, but enough to be undeniable. It's nothing compared to the searing pain of being summoned but it's there." Snape conceded.
"What is your relationship to Lucius?" I questioned, unable to stop myself from sneering his name.
"I am godfather to his son. We have known each other since our own time attending Hogwarts." came Snape's closed off response.
"I didn't ask you about your relationship with Draco. I asked about Lucius. Are you two close? Is this meeting just about Voldemort or is there another reason for a sudden meeting in private?"
"We...are. We are not as close as we used to be, but there is an unbreakable bond between the two of us. The reason for this private meeting is the same as any of the meetings he arranges when not being watched by the supervisory eye of his wife, yet he never compromises full confidentiality...He will go to any lengths necessary to keep his reputation." Snape struggled through with a grimace on his face that reeked of conflicting magic. Thankfully the one that kept his tongue bound was stronger than that which loosened it, but I was able to decipher enough to paint myself a rather unwelcome picture.
"But the, uh, closeness is...over or just different?" I asked, hoping to get another veiled answer. Full disclosure would be mutually horrifying.
"Both. It has always been different, but for me it is now over. For Lucius, it was nonexistent. Everything is a power play or business transaction to that man, usually both."
"Are you loyal to him?"
"Not in the slightest." Snape said, seeming more proud of that fact than I could begin to understand.
"What about Draco? Are you loyal to him?"
"I am, but you said so yourself you are not asking about him, you are asking about his father."
"Do you have romantic feelings for Lucius?" I asked boldly, banishing an accompanying image of Snape and Sirius Black entangled in filthy sheets, on an even filthier mattress placed on the dusty floor.
"No."
"Do you hate him?"
"I hate the man he has grown to be and I hate myself for not realizing he has chosen to make Fear his destiny." Snape said words that seemed to shock even himself.
"Then why are you meeting him in the Shrieking Shack?"
"I have needs and I need answers." Snape summed up a potentially embarrassing answer. Still, what was implied was enough to bring a fresh round of color to our cheeks.
"I so didn't need to know that about you, Professor Snape." I groaned, snapping my eyes shut in order to block out the unwanted mental image.
"As you also pointed out, I have no control over my answers. Lucky for us both that I at least have more restraint than you." Snape said dryly.
"If you have to protect Lucius' secrets or my own, who would you betray?"
"Within my mortal limits...Lucius." Snape answered, not having to think about anything more than the wording.
"Do you know he is the one plotting to have me killed?" I leveled.
"Yes."
"Do you know why he wants me dead?"
"No."
"What do you know about what he's done and what he's planning to do?" I asked, switching tactics. Our time was quickly evaporating and we were just getting to the good stuff.
"Only what Dumbledore told me, so I assume an edited version of what you told him. I know that Lucius was in the tower with Fenrir Greyback and that he has employed that repulsive excuse for a werewolf in his task as well as my godson. I do not know what his motives are, but I do know that Greyback was the tool Malfoy used to attack you earlier this semester. I am supposed to subtly ascertain information on what else he might be planning tonight." Snape said.
"Supposed to?" I challenged.
"It is imperative Lucius does not become aware anyone is suspicious of his involvement in any capacity. He will do anything to protect his name, even if he has to murder us both with his own bare hands." Snape explained the fragility of the situation.
"Why did Malfoy involve Greyback instead of taking me out himself? Are they, uh, close, too?"
"Hardly." Snape scoffed, nose wrinkling in distaste. "The only reason Lucius would willingly involve him, aside from pure intimidation purposes, would be because in his eyes Greyback is disposable. I will know for certain tonight but I suspect Lucius is anxious about the Dark Lord's return."
"What's he got to be nervous about? Doesn't he remain a devoted follower?" I sneered, unable to hide my repulsion.
"Lucius Malfoy aligns himself with power. The Dark Lord's has diminished in his absence. Lucius has done what he thought he must to survive as the others have, in a world without his strict guidance. This lack of pronounced dedication to the cause is not something the Dark Lord will appreciate upon return." Snape analyzed.
"Are you afraid, Professor?"
"Of course, I am. I would be a fool not to fear what measures Voldemort will resort to ensure his resurrection and what awaits us all once he's returned. Fear, however, will help neither you or I when we come face to face with the Dark Lord." Snape advised me as much as he did himself
"What will you do, Professor? Won't he kill you?"
"He might but he might not. I plan on pledging that I have continued with my role as spy because he never instructed me to stop doing so. Hopefully he will believe that I have been biding my time, upholding my position as I waited for further instruction." Snape confided.
"Do you believe you will be successful?"
"I have been since I have received my mark. He has shown no indication that he viewed me as anything other than one of his most faithful followers. As a professor, I hold a valuable position inside Hogwarts-a place that will remain impenetrable to him as long as Dumbledore remained Headmaster.
"I predict that when he rises, his first actions will be to challenge the authority of Dumbledore and Harry Potter-his two greatest oppositions. Dumbledore is aware of this and has his own plans. I have no doubt that the Dark Lord's plans will include unrelenting attack, from the moment he rises. He will be subtle and cunning, and he will use every tool he has at his disposal. The best course of actions relies on him still viewing me as a valuable tool in completing his mission" Snape finished. By the way of his extended answer, I could tell the effects were beginning to wear off.
"If Lucius asks about me, if he tells you his plans, what will you say?" I asked, intending to ask as many questions before the potion metabolized entirely.
Snape smirked at the abrupt subject change as if reading my thoughts but answered nonetheless. "I will tell him that you an insufferable Gryffindor, unremarkable except for the disturbance you cause. I will urge him to abandon his plans because you are not worth the effort….Whatever his grievance, a mudblood is not worth detection."
"Is that really how you see me? As nothing but an unremarkable mudblood?" I found myself asking, unable to ignore how the word caused us both to cringe.
"No." Snape said immediately. "No, I do not. It has been a very long time since I have allowed such ignorance to cloud my opinion on someone's character. To do so is highly hypocritical given my own half-blood status. I am sorry my words upset you; it upsets me they need to be said. You cannot be described as unremarkable with any sense of accuracy. In fact, you are one of the most capable witches or wizards I have ever known."
"Has the potion worn off then?" I chuckled in response to his uncharacteristic praise.
"It's effects are starting to fade but I am still speaking truthfully." Snape denied what I was implying.
"Will you promise to tell me what he tells you tonight, even if it isn't about me?"
"Maybe." Snape said, holding up his hand to halt my protest. "It depends on why you want to know."
"I know he is planning something big and it's going to be soon. I know when he strikes it will be unexpected, quick, ruthless, and the damage will be unrepairable. I have no idea what he knows about me but I know it's more than I know about him. I need to be better prepared to fight against him should it come to that." I answered truthfully, although I felt less compelled to do so.
"Yes. I will tell you." Snape promised.
"Thank you. Just one more thing, Professor?"
"What's that, Andrella?"
"Who is going to help me become an animagus?" I asked with a smug grin.
"Whom." Snape corrected, "I suspect it will take the both of them to accomplish this safely at the rate I am sure you will push yourself."
"Who, or I'm sorry, whom are you talking about, Professor?"
"Do you promise that from here on out all of which we discuss in these meetings remain absolutely confidential to ensure our mutual safety?" Snape asked instead, fixing his intense gaze on me once again.
"Of course, Professor. I'm not an idiot and I'm not trying to be the cause of either of our murders. Mum's the word." I nodded my head enthusiastically, going as far as to mime zipping my lips closed.
Rolling his eyes at my antics, Snape revealed two names I honestly would have never expected from him. "Remus Lupin and Sirius Black."
"You're being serious right now, right? Oh, who am I kidding? Look who I'm talking to, of course you're serious! Aren't you?" I continued on in my confusion, excitement turning to wariness only as I asked the last question.
"Of course I'm being serious. Why would I be joking?" Snape offered a confusion of his own.
"Because of something I said to the twins a while ago...a joke they didn't think was so funny...because I wasn't really joking…"I found myself babbling. I was able to stop myself blurting out a hideously embarrassing confession, but apparently I was still compelled to tell the truth. My previous statements must not have been close enough because my mouth opened to say what I didn't want to say. Snape interrupted before I could get the words out.
"What on earth are you on about? What does this story have to do with Remus, Sirius, or myself for that matter?" Snape sighed, teetering around the edge of his patience. His eyes kept glancing up at the clock.
"I said that Sirius Black was 'sex on legs' and I totally had a crush on Professor Lupin. It made it so hard to focus last year because I guess I have a thing for maturity and the kind of confidence-"
"Andrella, please feel free to stop answering my previous questions." Snape interjected.
With a timid smile, I replied, "Thank you, Professor."
"No need to thank me, Andrella. I hardly wanted to hear you detail your attractions to a werewolf or a mass-murderer. It's hardly appropriate. I wouldn't want you to say anything to make me rethink these transfiguration lessons." Snape threatened.
"Please don't. I'm excited about them." I said, then quickly added. "Is there anything else, Professor?"
"The potion. There are just a few very particular finishing touches that must be taken care of before you can go and meet Mr. Weasley. I will give you instructions on how to brew it before I leave."
"Of course, Professor, but will you promise to tell me everything tomorrow?"
"Yes, Andrella, I will, if you promise to bring those twin buffoons out with you should the leave the tower tonight. Promise not to go out on your own." Snape counter-offered.
"I promise, Professor."
"Good, now this part of the brewing is very specific. It must be stirred every thirteen minutes, twelve times clockwise and the one time counterclockwise. Repeat this through twelve stirring cycles and then wait exactly thirteen minutes, repeat one last cycle before immediately removing it from heat. The timing is absolutely essential for success. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Professor." I said taking the ladle he offered.
"Good." Snape nodded his head, already gathering his belongings. "Make sure you clean up when you are finished and take the potion with you. My office is enchanted to seal itself if I am not in it. This courtesy will be extended to exclude you and Mr. Potter. Once you leave you may not come back, do you understand?"
"Yes, Professor. I understand and I will be fine. You don't want to keep Lucius waiting, now do you?" I teased, knowing it would be the quickest way to make Snape vacate the premises.
Snape had already turned to leave and did not look back as he replied, "It'd serve him right." It was said as a goodbye and in the same flippant tone as his reply of Dumbledore not being the only other unpredictable Gryffindor in his opinion. It was offhand comments likes those that endeared me to the surly Potions Master.
As I fell into a rhythm, carefully following out his instructions, I couldn't help but dwell on how drastically our relationship had changed from that first occlumency lesson. I guess there's something to be said about a bond formed over insured mutual destruction should the secrets we now knew about each other ever be shared. More than that, it was strange how strongly the intuition to trust Snape grew after taking a trip inside his mind. Less than a month ago, I wouldn't have trusted him with the knowledge of my favorite day of the week-sure he would find a way to ruin it. Now, he knew things about me I would never tell another soul.
Perspective.
The world has not changed since my incident. The people in it have not changed and neither have I really. But with the knowledge I've gained, the experiences I've lived, how I process and react to the world has changed. It's almost funny how I could be more confused about every aspect of my life, literally questioning everything and everyone I have ever know, yet also feel instinctually sure.
The fact of the matter was the first seventeen years, everything I knew about the world and myself, might as well have been a lie. Ever since I woke up with the knowledge of the existence of the Ismerte, an undeniable restlessness has settled in my bones. I was always itching for answers; I wanted to know the reasons why. Details I had never before concerned myself with were now fascinating. No fact seemed too small. Everything now had a place in the fabric of destiny, in the fragmented puzzle my life had become.
At times, I felt like I different person. Mostly, I never felt more like myself.
It was enlightening to have Snape's opinion on the rapidly complicating matters in my life, since it is the most varied from any I could gain otherwise. Out of all the people on the short list of those aware of my predicament, Snape was the only one that understood the darkness brewing inside of me. A darkness that I was beginning to feel I needed to embrace to truly understand this new side of myself. That should scare me, but the fact that it didn't-that scared me.
How sure I was about the fact only reflected how sure I was of myself-even if not on a conscious level. My instincts were asserting themselves more and more every day. The trust I put in following them allowed me to apply that instinctive sureness in my interactions with others.
My thoughts couldn't help but to wander off and think of how this applied to George, and even Fred. I had been allowing my subconscious to mull it over ever since I heard the Sorting Hat recount the story behind my sorting. I completely skipped over the Hat's preference to sorting me into Slytherin, because that was an issue that I so did not have the time to unpack right now. Instead I thought about the number one reason I was wearing scarlet and gold right now instead of green and silver.
I guess I had never thought about how much of my life the twins had influenced by simply sharing that first train ride with a scared muggle born holding stubbornly onto a brave face. I often thought about how grateful I am to have them in my life, but I rarely thought about how different my life would have been without them (a painful train of thought I also did not have the time for). Knowing that something as big as my house placement was altered based on my own decision to blindly follow them was unnerving to say the least, but also comforting.
It was not, however, upsetting. Never once have I regretted the decision to share that compartment with them, allowing them to be my first real introduction to the Wizarding World. How could I when the consequences were as amazing as a close relationship with the Weasley twins? I would never change anything if it meant jeopardizing my relationship with George, but with all the recent talk about curses, fate, trials, and soulmates it had me questioning how much of the decision was mine.
As I carefully stirred the potion bubbling away in the cauldron per Snape's instructions, I thought about questions dozens have asked me since George and I went public with our relationship. Questions that George himself has asked, whether orally or through an intensity in his gaze that spoke straight into my soul.
Why George and not Fred?
How can you feel differently about twins?
Would you have them both if you could?
Okay, so only Angelina asked me that last one and to be fair she had just returned to the common room still love drunk from a late night rendezvous with Fred. These facts didn't stop me from picturing what she was insinuating and by the filthy way she leered at me after she giggled her question in my ear so the twins wouldn't hear, it was clear that she had pictured it herself. Many times if the clumsy wink she shot me was anything to go by. I didn't answer her then. Simply sent her off to bed before dragging George back up to his dorm and reenacting half of the fantasy her question inspired.
But if I'm being honest, for the first time ever….Even with myself? The answer might have been yes at some point. Certainly in the beginning, when I first entertained the possibility of thinking of them as anything other than friends. Now that I understand enough about how delicate the social balance can be, I know why the answer could have only ever been "no".
George and Fred were separate people with separate personalities and separate fates. They might have been more similar and intertwined than others, but they were still distinct entities. The world had a desire to classify them as one and the same. From the second time I met them, I recognized the importance in relishing their differences.
Now I could never be certain if the choice I made was ever entirely my own. I liked to believe it was. I rarely (read: NEVER) allowed myself to replay the thought process that worked out the distinction between my feelings for each twin.
I have an easy answer for anyone that asks the second question, one that is fundamentally true, even if it is oversimplifying the matter: They are not the same person.
Society put restrictions on how I saw myself able to answer the third question: It is not an acceptable lifestyle; It will not be accepted; It will not be tolerated; it will not be considered.
And it never was, not really. Except for the night I dreamed of the possibility of answering "yes" to the third question. The morning after I had my first wet dream ever-who even knew that happened to girls? I certainly didn't-I had my answer to the first question.
Why George and not Fred?
XXXX
AUTHOR'S NOTE
'ELLO THERE, LOVELY READERS! Soooo...what did you think? Have any unanswered questions? Theories of where all this is heading? I suspect you might and I apologize for that, but the length of this document was getting ridiculously out of hand! I'm talking 14,875 words out of hand and I hadn't even finished with the "original chapter". So in order to try and keep with the (nearly) once a month posting pattern I'm striving to meet, I've decided to break the chapters up. Here's the first installment!
As always, you know I love and appreciate hearing your thoughts on the story! Now that I have all the details ironed out (a bit overdue, I know) I love hearing where you think this story is heading plot wise! Anywho, because this chapter was intentionally meant to be much longer, the second (of possibly three) installments is soon to come! Since it is already halfway written, I'm hoping to get it up within the next two weeks.
Until then, I hope you enjoy my personal escape from reality.
Ex's and Oh's
Audrey V. Sullivan