Chapter 3

Cassian was distressed; that blow to the head must have been too strong. Madja had assured him that Nesta would be fine, but Cassian knew something was wrong. And he felt horrible because, in part, whatever was wrong... was actually right. Nesta was smiling, she was speaking openly, she looked so relaxed... he had never seen her like this... ever.

Nesta had told him many times that she wasn't going to train in the village. Cassian had realized she was serious; just the night before, he had understood that a woman as proud as Nesta would rather freeze on a rock than let anyone see her make a fool of herself, especially arrogant warriors ready to mock any female trying to fight like them. And now Nesta had simply admitted it, she had even admitted that for her, it was a matter of pride.

Well, Cassian could make concessions, what mattered was that Nesta trained.

"I'm going to make a deal with you," he said instead. He saw Nesta looking at him with curiosity and allowed himself a bit of hope. "If you do an hour of exercises with me, I'll owe you a favor."

Nesta tilted her head, and her hair slipped over her shoulder.

"That's not necessary," she shrugged. "The truth is, this body is in very bad shape; it's not good for my health. I'll train, it's been a long time since I did yoga, and my old bones couldn't handle it anymore," she confessed, approaching him and putting her hand on his shoulder. "I was thinking of doing yoga; I don't think this body can handle high-impact exercises for now. Do you want to join me? Or if you prefer, this time you can sit like a king and watch me, correcting me," she offered with an openly coquettish smile that made Cassian hard in his pants.

"Yoga?"

"Yes, yoga, you know, those exercises that macho men like to say are girl exercises. In reality, they're very good for your health, and I used to do them. I thought of doing a basic set."

Cassian had no idea what Nesta was talking about. He supposed it was some kind of exercise she did when she was human, he guessed, trying to imagine the human Nesta Archeron he had seen that first time doing exercises... he couldn't picture it.

"Show me what you've got."

At least Nesta was willing to do something, she even said she accepted corrections. Cassian could work with that.

"Will you join me?"

Nesta had always been someone closed off, angry at life, even yesterday she was like that, but right now she looked so... enthusiastic. It was obvious she was almost vibrating, and Cassian didn't want to be the one to ruin that.

"Well, I have no idea what kind of exercises they are. Show me, and then we'll see," he promised. Nesta nodded enthusiastically.

Nesta looked around as if searching for something.

"Do you need something?"

"Yes, a yoga mat, so I don't do it directly on the ground, but well, it doesn't matter much," she said, shrugging.

"Will a training mat do?"

"Well, if it's the right size, I guess it will," she nodded after thinking about it.

Cassian went for one and placed it on the ground for her. And Nesta didn't bite him, she even smiled at him.

"Thank you, Cassian."

Okay, Cassian was officially having hallucinations; that was the only explanation for what was happening. He stepped aside, watching Nesta take off her shoes and then make a messy bun in her hair to get it out of her face. And then she stretched into an arched position with her hands raised and together.

"This pose is called Extended Mountain," Nesta said, repeating the movement a couple of times. "Now, this is Padahastasana." Nesta bent into an extended stretch pose, putting her head down and her palms on either side of her feet together. The sit bones up, the navel to the thigh. "You're not supposed to bend your knees, but I'm not at a point where I can do it without bending my knees; I don't think I have that balance in my condition," Nesta spoke with her head down. From that pose, she moved to another. "This one is called Equestrian Pose." Oh, Nesta wobbled, and Cassian held her to help her maintain the pose. "Wow, I didn't think it would take so much work, and I started with the most basic ones, the ones I did as a child," she whispered but smiled at Cassian. "You're a good trainer; look, you know when to help," she joked with him. "I'm fine," she assured him. And then she continued with a few more poses.

To Cassian's surprise, they were actually not bad stretching exercises for a beginner; they were more suited to a child, but for Nesta's condition, he admitted it was more than he expected. He had had much more basic plans in mind than this.

Nesta lasted 15 minutes before collapsing on the mat.

"That's it; I don't think I can do more," she said, breathing heavily. "Wow, I didn't realize my physical condition was so bad," she panted, exhausted. Cassian chuckled softly as he listened to her.

"You can do more than this, Nesta," he assured her. "Come on, at least an hour," he coaxed.

"Cassian, not all of us are muscle-bound goddesses in the best condition in the world like you. Right now, I don't think I can even stand up," Nesta assured him, one hand on her stomach and her head tilted to look at him with open amusement. "Yes, not all of us have such a good body like you, Mr. Perfection."

Cassian smiled and even admitted that he postured a bit to show off more.

"Please."

"Fine, show me what you've got," Nesta said, turning sideways and getting on all fours to stand up... Cassian enjoyed the view. "What should I do?"

"Your exercises are good, more than good," he admitted and saw the smile of satisfaction at the compliment on Nesta's face. Now that he thought about it, no one praised her much ever; certainly, Nesta didn't give many reasons for it, but maybe... Nesta was one of those people who improved with compliments and recognition deep down. "But start with something even more basic."

"More basic than this?" Nesta asked, looking at him with open curiosity.

"Yes."

"What could be more basic than this?"

"Feet and breathing."

"I understand the breathing part," Nesta nodded seriously, "but... feet?"

"Yes, your toes."

"What's wrong with them?" Nesta looked at her bare feet with curiosity, Cassian looked too; those were pretty feet. "Don't answer me, come on, show me," Nesta decided, looking at him firmly.

-o-o-o-

At some point, Nesta started to sweat. If she had thought her yoga exercises had been tough, this toe exercise was worse, and she had thought it would be easier... The jerk had told her it was more basic... well, he said more basic, but not easier. So yes, if someone tells you something is more basic, it's normal to expect it to be easier. But right now her feet hurt and her legs felt like jelly. She collapsed onto the mat.

"I can't go on."

Cassian nodded as if he was satisfied, even though Nesta was throwing in the towel after 45 minutes.

"Let's do some breathing exercises."

Nesta knew about that; breathing was more important than people usually understood. Proper breathing could help with pain, stress, panic... even with pains like those of childbirth. Nesta was totally in favor of that. She looked at Cassian and followed his lead, enjoying the breathing exercises that definitely helped her, as she knew they would. She didn't even notice the time passing; she spent 2 hours with Cassian, feeling completely comfortable, though exhausted, working out with him. She knew that for this male these were low-impact exercises, but for her, they were high-impact on this sick body. Cassian was a firm but kind trainer; he knew how to encourage her without being overbearing. That's how her imaginary world improved, for sure. You could tell the difference between the imagination of an adult woman and that of an 11-year-old girl. Lying on the mat, she looked up at the sky, tired but satisfied with her progress for the day.

"Do you like flying?" she asked Cassian. She had never asked him that before, not that she remembered, and she was curious about his answer.

"I love it." The honesty in those words was absolute. "It's freedom and joy."

"I can imagine," she tilted her head to look at him. "I remember a... woman... I think she was the owner of a shop I went to in the Windhaven... they had cut off her wings," she recalled, unearthing those distant memories. "Why do Illyrian males do that? It's cruel." Maybe someone from the world she created could explain why she had created something so cruel in reality. The professionals, the psychologists, had told her that she created it as a portrait of female oppression under patriarchy, but it was always good to know more.

"To control their women. An ancient and unpleasant tradition, Rhys and I have tried to eliminate it by making it illegal, but change takes time among the Fae. And for the foolish and stubborn Illyrians, it takes even longer. Emerie, I suppose that's who you met. Since she's the only shop owner, she was one of those who slipped through the cracks. It was during Amarantha's reign and... a lot of horrors happened in those cracks."

Yes, it was just as her psychologist had told her when she was young; it was a portrait of her imagination based on female oppression. She had lived in a relatively liberal country for women, but in other places, there wasn't as much luck.

"Yes, change takes time, sometimes too much," she sighed, remembering some of the cases of female abuse she had seen in the hospital over her many years working there. She stood up, remembering something about a library; in this dream, she worked in a library. Her younger self had wanted to be a librarian until her older self realized the low job demand for that profession and chose something she liked more and paid better. That had been medicine.

"I need to go wash up and change, I have to go to the library."

"Nesta... I didn't mean what I said last night... about everyone hating you."

Nesta remembered that distant night. If in her fantasy world a day had passed, for her it had been several long decades. She smiled sweetly; she had also hated herself at 11 years old, her borderline personality disorder had made her prone to fits of rage, among other things, and she hated herself every time she hurt her family. But she had overcome that, she had learned to love herself, because her family had taught her to love herself.

"It's okay, Cassian, it doesn't matter. Hatred is exhausting, exhausting for the one who feels it for another. It's a poison that poisons the one who feels it more than the one who receives it. If someone hates me, it's their problem and would only be worthy of my pity, because what I am... I love myself, Cassian, and I won't accept less from anyone who wants to be close to me." She nodded at him before leaving. "By the way, Cassian," she said, looking over her shoulder at the man. "I never hated you, I never could," she assured. No, she couldn't, she had created Cassian as the man of her dreams to love him always, maybe that's why she never married in the real world. No man could reach the perfection of her perfect Fae imagination.

Nesta entered the house humming with no idea how shaken and confused she left Cassian behind her. Cassian didn't understand how someone could change so much in one night. Nesta had been broken into fragments just 24 hours ago, but now... now she seemed whole, healed, no one accomplished that in a night, it wasn't possible. He feared it had been that blow to the head after the fall. He needed to talk to Madja again.

-o-o-o-

I don't know anything about yoga, I got the moves from the internet looking for basic yoga moves, so if any of it isn't basic, it's the internet's fault, not mine XD