Something I never liked is that I felt both Nesta's major depressive episode and her alcoholism were poorly handled by Sarah, almost like a mockery, or as if she didn't know much about the topic or didn't want to delve into it. Nesta literally spent a long time drowning in alcohol. Alcohol is a highly addictive substance, and someone like Nesta would have to go through the terrible process of "breaking the habit," meaning detoxification. As a nurse, I've seen this process repeatedly, both in patients with alcoholism and with other drugs… it's never pleasant. Certainly, not all patients are the same, but in 90% of the cases I've seen, it's heartbreaking to witness. It's not about how strong you are, but about how your body turns against you, demanding something that's killing you. Depression is also a serious topic, but it's one that Nesta's human family, in our world, treated with the utmost love. So Nesta has healed that part, but she's returned to a body that is still detoxing from its dependence on alcohol. After all, it's only been about four days since Nesta was banished to the House of Wind in Prythian. In fact, Nesta's withdrawal symptoms should have appeared within the first three days, but I didn't want to skip that process. So, while it's not entirely realistic, I at least wanted to touch on the body's need for alcohol after being exposed to it for so long. On the other hand, the detox process is something that should always be supervised by professionals because it's more dangerous to health than many people realize. It's not just a matter of willpower. So, if it's a trigger for anyone, it's better to avoid it.

-o-o-o-

Chapter 5

Nesta had been a prominent surgeon specializing in neonatology, but that didn't mean she hadn't gone through all the trials of being a general practitioner first, like any other poor internist. That's why she could recognize what was happening to her with disbelief: the tremors, the sweating, the intense nausea… She had seen it countless times in patients in the detox program; she was facing withdrawal, alcohol withdrawal. This hadn't happened when her imagination created this world as a child, but apparently, now her knowledge was unconsciously affecting her because she would never voluntarily go through this. She had seen it innumerable times in others, and it was horrible shit she wouldn't wish on anyone.

The rational part of her knew she needed to seek help. It was important that withdrawal from alcohol be done under medical supervision due to the countless risks. But here, she was the only doctor. The priestesses in the library… no, she couldn't bring this to them. She got out of bed, her limbs trembling so violently that she almost fell. She supported herself against the walls as she walked down the hallway with shaky legs. Cassian's room… she vaguely remembered the male telling her where it was.

She knocked desperately on the door, feeling like she was about to vomit. She tried to hold it back, but it only came up stronger; she was vomiting violently at the door when it opened, and she fell forward, straight into the male's arms as her stomach emptied itself all over his pants. Her body wouldn't stop trembling, and sweat was pouring off her.

She lifted her tear-filled eyes to see the male, who looked terrified.

"Help me," she gasped, collapsing.

-o-o-o-

Cassian paced restlessly while Madja examined a delirious Nesta. Nesta was conscious, but not entirely; she seemed to be hallucinating and was murmuring names he didn't recognize. "Fer, Fer, Elena, Elena" were the ones she repeated most often. "Please," "just one more drink, just one more," was another phrase that broke his heart.

Madja looked at him with sympathy.

"I can't do anything," the healer told him. "This is… normal for patients when they're withdrawing from alcohol dependence," she explained. "You just need to be there for her and not give in. She'll be okay, but it will be hard."

"She… she asked for help," Cassian whispered, his heart pounding in his chest. "She asked me for help."

"That's good, Cassian. It means she's fighting too, that she recognized she needs help. That's always the first step, Cassian. If the patient doesn't acknowledge they need help, then no matter what you try, nothing will pull them out of where they are." Madja gave him some advice on what to do during the night before leaving.

Rhys waited outside the house, not asking questions about the healer, both when Cassian brought her and when he took her back, respecting the space Cassian had asked for. Nesta had asked for help; that was all that mattered to Cassian in that moment, not giving updates to his brother.

The night was long and heavy. The house even made cloths and pitchers of fresh water appear, which Cassian was grateful to have to wipe the sweat from Nesta's forehead. It wasn't an easy night, and Cassian didn't get any sleep, but by the next morning, Nesta opened her tired eyes and didn't seem as lost as the night before.

"Water," she whispered in a hoarse voice. Cassian quickly brought a glass to her lips, helping her drink gently and calmly.

Nesta looked at him as if it took her a moment to recall what had happened.

"Thank you," she whispered, sinking back into Azriel's pillows and closing her eyes. She felt utterly exhausted.

"Don't sleep yet, eat a little," he urged, taking a bowl of oatmeal.

"I'm tired," Nesta whispered, completely worn out. But when he helped her sit up, adjusting the pillows behind her, she opened her mouth and let him feed her a spoonful obediently. She managed about six spoonfuls before falling asleep right there. Cassian would have preferred she ate a bit more, but at least she ate half the bowl and kept it down, so he took it as a victory. He settled the female and tucked her in. He stayed by her side, just to watch over her. When he lay down next to her, he only wanted to keep a closer eye on her… he never intended to fall asleep, lulled by the soft rhythm of Nesta's breathing and the gentle rise and fall of her chest.

-o-o-o-

Cassian insisted that Nesta rest all day. Nesta insisted on returning to her room, and it took everything in Cassian to let her go; he was worried about her.

"I won't close the door, and I'll be fine. If things get bad again, I'll come to you," she promised him.

Cassian tried to take it easy, but the next day, Nesta wanted to resume her exercises. Cassian joined her occasionally, offering some advice, but Nesta always insisted on starting her way, though she never stopped Cassian from joining in. Whenever he did, he eventually took over the routine, adding things little by little, and Nesta followed without issue.

Every day in the library, as she did her work, Nesta watched the priestesses with interest. The idea of turning them into Valkyries appealed to her more and more. These wounded women transformed into strong ones… it would be so amazing, but she still hadn't figured out how to do it. Well, something like that. She and Gwyn were becoming friends, so she decided to start with Gwyn.

"Do you know how to fight?" Nesta asked, adjusting some books on a shelf.

"Huh?"

Nesta took that as a no.

"Would you like to learn?" Seeing her expression, she clarified, "I mean here, just you and me. Wouldn't you like to know how to defend yourself? To have the power to at least protect yourself?" Nesta saw something change in Gwyn's eyes and felt satisfied. Of course the girl would want to know how to defend herself after what had happened, especially when it was being offered in a safe and comforting place for her. "I can teach you some self-defense. Cassian… I train with Cassian; he's one of the High Lord's generals," she quickly added. It was a half-truth; she did train with Cassian, but he hadn't taught her any of the self-defense she knew. What she knew was thanks to her overly protective father, who had made her and her three sisters take self-defense classes, because a woman should always know how to defend herself. Because it was better to be safe than sorry. Because a father who loved his daughter made sure she knew how to defend herself and protect herself from the world.

"I know who he is, everyone knows who he is," Gwyn whispered before looking up with a hint of determination. "Show me," she whispered. Nesta smiled.

"All right, let's start with the basics."

Nesta was sure Clotho knew she was teaching Gwyn to fight, but the other woman never said anything. If anything, Nesta's workload decreased, as if they were being given more time to train. Nesta ignored the voice she sometimes heard whispering her name in the depths of the library. Nesta did not look.

-o-o-o-

Well, and this is also a bit self-indulgent because a part of me really wanted to see Cassian go through the detox and recovery process from Nesta's alcoholism with her, but that never happened. Nesta never showed any physical signs of alcohol withdrawal beyond anxiety, and instead of seeing Cassian taking care of her and helping her through it, I only got a Cassian laughing at her for falling down the stairs, followed by a Cassian telling her that everyone hated her because a female 500 years younger than him made him lose his patience by speaking badly about his beloved Rhys T.T

On another note, I need to decide on an update schedule for this story to make it easier for you all. I was thinking of updating once a week so I don't overwhelm you. ^^