Freshman: The First Day
[Introduction title]
[The sun rises as the landscape goes from blue and black to red, orange and green. Birds start chirping, leaves fall from wind gusts, and a nearby building opens its doors with hundreds of teens entering. A sign reading "Bubblegum High" also has words sprayed below saying "the closest thing we'll ever get to Finn Academy!" We see several freshmen conversing with each other as they begin their first day. One of them, J, sports a blue blazer, green tie, tan pants, gray socks and black wingtips carrying a notebook, pencils, and a folder.]
J: Okay! We have our daily schedule prepped for today. Starting at 10am, we introduce ourselves to the general public. At 12pm, we will have our daily lunch meeting on proper "preppy" etiquette.
[Wearing a navy polo shirt, black skirt, gray knee socks, white oxfords, red glasses, and an earpiece is Aoi, a preppy who follows things by the book]
Aoi: Indeed! And after that, at 2pm, we will be excused from gym class to begin our "preppy club". The 57th chapter will be recognized by the High Uppers!
Preppies: Yes, ma'am!
Aoi: I am still a young girl!
Preppies: Yes, fellow preppy!
J: And then we need to study at 5pm. After that, we go home and be ready for tomorrow.
Aoi: We also need to recruit our fellow students to become future preppies. Just because you're average, doesn't mean you can't join.
J: Good, Aoi. That makes an interesting conversation starter. Not all preppies are intellectual. Why certain High Uppers started out with abysmal grades and then became instant valedictorians by becoming a preppy.
Aoi: Like Grandmaster T. Or Grandmaster Y.
J: Or Grandmaster C. Every preppy likes C.
[Meanwhile, up in the sky, we see three "familiar looking" kids heading towards the school. The first one, Marcel Abadeer, wears a black shirt, black pants, black knee high boots, and a medallion on his neck. The other, Azealia, wears a gray blouse, black jeans, red boots, blue ball earrings, and has a pink pen in her left pocket. The last is Lyn, who wears a gray shirt, rainbow pants, black knee high boots, and broken handcuffs on their upper arms.]
Marcel: Okay. We got our schedules for today's class. I'm heading to Room 001. Azealia, you got Room 007. And Lyn, you have Room 014. I expect you two to be at your best behavior during our first day at Bubblegum High! Do I make myself clear, Azealia!
Azealia: Ugh! Yes, big bro. I understand our school schedules! Can you please stop with the constant reminders!
Marcel: Excuse me! I'm trying to make sure our loving mother doesn't fret or fuss over her three, innocent children throwing fits because one forgot which class they should go to!
Azealia: There you go again! I wonder why you need to bring in mom in this argument. She already reminds us that we need to stick together because dad was a deadbeat loser who left her with fraternal triplets to take care of. At least she raised us right to begin with.
Lyn: (shyly) Can you please not badmouth mom? I can't stand you two arguing like 5 year olds.
Marc: (worried) Lyn, I'm sorry. I just want to make sure that you and our sister are safe, steady, and attentive for our first day as freshmen.
Azealia: Yeah! We just barely made it from middle school.
Lyn: Barely? What about the "Vampiric Panty Incident"?
Azealia: Lyn! Mom made it very clear; (turns demonic) NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT!
Marcel: (shudders) Those idiots kept touching their crotches. Besides the unwanted fire on school grounds, we're just making sure that today will be just as normal as any other day.
Azealia: Also, brother.
Marcel: Hmm?
Azealia: You told Lyn to wear that shirt, right?
Marcel: Yes, sis! Lyn?
Lyn: Yes?
Marcel: The shirt?
Lyn: I'm wearing it. I'm wearing it. Please stop worrying!
Marcel: Once you enter that building, people besides us will take advantage of you, bully you, or worse beat you up.
Azealia: Brother!
Marcel: And then you will end up with cuts and bruises that will make mom faint in horror.
Lyn: Enough! I'll just lacerate those bullies and (demonic voice) make everyone fear me as I LIQUIFY THE SOULS OF THE DAMNED AND MAKE THEM SLAVES UNDER MY WHIM AND . . .
Marcel & Azealia: Lyn!
Lyn: (shrinks back to normal) Yes.
Azealia: (seething) Do you have the shirt?
[Lyn unzips his sweater and reveals a shirt saying "I am a sensitive, autistic, non-binary fallen angel. Please no bullying."]
Marcel: That's all we need to know. Now please, try not to get so ridiculously angry.
Lyn: (starts tearing up) I'm sorry. (sniff) I never mean to become that violent. (sniff)
Azealia: Hey, hey, hey, hey. No crying. You're a good individual. You were made from the best parts of mom herself. In fact, whenever you're stressed, think of mom.
Lyn: (sniff) Yeah! Think of mom. I wish I could be tough and brave like her. (stops a minute) Hey! I think I see the school from down here!
[Both Marcel and Azealia look down and spot the school building. All three swoop down towards the ground and land near the front entrance. Before any of them can open the doors, several burly jocks shove Azealia to the ground.]
Jock: Watch it, bitch!
Marcel: (angry) Hey! Who are you calling bitch!
Azealia: Big brother! No! It's okay. Jeez, are you beginning your first day of school by getting detention today!
Marcel: He called you a bitch! What do you want me to do, shrug it off?
Lyn: It could be worse?
[We switch from the triplets towards a group of students trying "smuggle" something into the school, nonchalantly]
Blueberry Prince: Hey, dude! You okay in there?
[Muffling]
Greg: I don't think he can hear you?
Blueberry Prince: Shove it, grapple!
Greg: That's, Greg the grapple, to you, dude!
Welch: I still think this is a lousy idea. I mean, why can't you just talk to them in person.
Blueberry Prince: Because, you dumb grape, if my boy spoke in person, those dudes from that stiff boarding school might find out about our transfer heist. Besides, we don't know the principal here, but this is just my buddy's way of introducing himself to the entire school population. Right, buddy!
[Muffling]
Blueberry Prince: Exactly! We just need to haul these "canned foods" into the school, enter the auditorium, wait for the right time, and then, BAM, our grand concerto will make him the GOAT student "Bubblegum High" has seen in the century!
[Both Greg and Welch look nonplussed by B.P.'s statement]
Blueberry Prince: And then he can go all normal when the transfer becomes finalized.
Welch: I still think it's a dumb idea!
Blueberry Prince: And thank Finn that we went for it!
[Suddenly, several jocks and cheerleaders mock the trio]
Jock: Nice coffin!
Cheerleader: What's inside? The corpse of a loser?
Blueberry Prince: It's not a coffin! It's a doorway for my buddy!
Jock: What?
?: It's his way of introducing themself to the general public!
Blueberry Prince: What he said!
?: I'm a girl!
Blueberry Prince: What she said!
[The jocks then spot a tough looking, brooding, leather pants, coat, and stilettos rockin' girl with a mohawk and a white shirt saying "Futch" in bold black letters. Her backpack has the words "Alice" spray painted on the front side.]
Alice: Thanks for the rebuttal!
Blueberry Price: Yo!
Jock: Who is she?
Cheerleader: What's with those shoes? What is she, a punk?
Jock: That's a girl!?
[Alice ignores the comments before confronting the head of the jocks, Adonis]
Adonis: (flirty) Hey. What's a simple minded, average looking girl like you dressed like a dude?
Alice: Um? This is who I am. I am a futch, a femme butch, to the pea brained meathead who can't understand that not all women prefer men to be their life partnering companions.
Adonis: I do not understand these big words you speak. Try speaking Finn, it's the only language I understand!
Alice: Okay. Let me put this in your language: I date, kiss, and want girls! And that's that!
Adonis: Lesbians do not exist, dum-dum! And if they do, they're just ugly, fatso women who can't get hot men like me as potential husbands!
Alice: Oh! So, that bimbo you're holding hostage wants to marry you for being so toxic and rude.
Adonis: Her name is Bailey! And she happens to be in love with my rock hard abs! Right, Bailey!
Bailey: Huh? I mean, yes! Yes, I am!
Alice: Are you saying that or is he forcing you to say that?
Bailey: Excuse me!?
Alice: You're excused.
Bailey: (stammering) I don't have to take this from you!
Alice: Oh, you can think! Amazing! I wonder why you haven't spoken before!
Bailey: (upset) Ok! You are starting to get on my nerves!
Alice: Good! That way, you can understand how much of a puppet you are to this chauvinist! I bet he has his hand up your butt!
Bailey: (outraged) That's it!
[Before anything can happen, the bell rings and immediately everyone rushes into the building as school security closes the doors. While the last door gets sealed shut, a shadow from the floor swoops in and heads towards a hallway. With no one looking, the shadow emerges as a hooded figure trying to breathe in and out about being late for school.]
?: Huff. Huff. Huff.
?: Tech Wizard! Are you alright?
Tech Wizard: I am trying to catch my breath. Do I look alright!?
[Suddenly, a little gear pops out and jumps towards Tech Wizard's shoulder.]
Gear #1: Hey. I was just asking a question. No need to yell. This is your first day. Feel excited!
Tech Wizard: Excited? I just want to cross some things from my checklist.
[Tech Wizard pulls out his "checklist" and crosses off "Enter school". Other things on the list: make friends, get a girlfriend, become involved in some extracurricular activity, try not to make enemies, be normal, graduate, and at the bottom, lose virginity.]
Tech Wizard: Okay. Barring from my awkward entrance, I think this class schedule will tell me how the day is shaped. Let's see, Room 001, Homeroom. Then, Room 103, Math. Room 107, History. Then lunch. After that, Room 009, Science. Room 107, Gym. (deadpanned) Oh, great. Then, Room 045, Art. And after that, we conclude the day and go home. Of course, I need an extracurricular activity because that's what normal students like me are supposed to do.
Gear #1: Of course, you are not a normal student.
[Said gear gets his mouth stopped by T.W.'s finger]
Tech Wizard: That's enough out of you. I don't want to hear anything besides: When's lunch?
Gear #1: Of course, sir.
[The gear bounces off Tech Wizard's shoulder and lands on his hand, entering into his sleeve. Tech Wizard then tries to find Room 001. He is soon interrupted by a yelp.]
Tech Wizard: Huh? What's that?
[He turns around and spots a female student slipping on a bar of soap. Without hesitation, he swoops after her, pulls out his two arms, and catches her before she lands on the floor.]
?: (catching her breath)
Tech Wizard: Are you alright!?
?: Yeah. Thanks for saving me.
Tech Wizard: Of course. Whoever thinks of leaving a bar of soap on the floor really has a sick sense of humor?
?: Either that or it came from that bathroom over there?
Tech Wizard: Hmm? BTW, what's your name?
Alexa: Alexa. Yours?
Tech Wizard: Tech Wizard.
Alexa: You really saved me, Tech Wizard.
Tech Wizard: I mean, no one else was there and I happened to go to my class.
Alexa: Which room?
Tech Wizard: Room 001.
Alexa: Huh? Same as me and my friends.
Tech Wizard: And your friends dress like this?
Alexa: We're bikini babes. If we don't expose skin, what point is there in life?
Tech Wizard: Interesting.
Note: In this series, all bikini babes are dressed in white shirts, jorts, sandals, and whatever else this creator thinks of.
Alexa: Also, can you let go of me now. I think we need to be in class or else we'll be late.
Tech Wizard: Oh, of course. So, we're heading for Room 001 . . .
[Brushing off her long black hair, Alexa takes a look at the boy who saved her. Her face, curvy shape, and outfit make the stoic, deadpan, calm boy into a gooey-eyed, lovesick dimwit. Thinking of words to say, he responds stupidly]
Tech Wizard: (incoherent mumbles)
Alexa: Uhh? Tech Wizard? Are you alright?
Tech Wizard: (incoherent mumbles)
Alexa: Um?
?: Alexa!
Alexa: Jen?
[Another girl named Jen runs towards the duo.]
Jen: Hey, Alex. What's taking you so long? Rose, Molly, Elise, and Vanessa are worried that you'll be late!
Alexa: I took a detour by accident. This school is large, apparently.
Jen: Whatever. We need to go and . . . Who is he?
Alexa: Oh? That's Tech Wizard. He's the guy who saved me.
Jen: Saved you?
Alexa: I fell from a bar of soap and he caught me before I hurt myself.
Jen: (talks to Tech Wizard) You saved her? (Squeeing) What a sweetheart. (proceeds to hug him) Guys like you are what we need in this world.
Tech Wizard: (blushing) Bah. Do. Fe. Sa. Me. Oog. Qua, qua, qua, qua. Erk.
Jen: Aww. He's just experiencing women for the first time in his life. Aren't you, dude?
Tech Wizard: Yes. Me feel women. Me like this so much! Me so happy!
Alexa: Come you two, we're tardy as it is!
Tech Wizard: My hormones are raging.
Jen: It's high school, man. That's practically everybody.
[They arrive at Room 001 and take their seats before the teacher arrives. Tech Wizard, out of his stupor, sits at the back center of the room. Surrounding him at the back wall, however, are Vanessa, Alexa, Jen, Rose, Molly, Elise, and at the front of the class sits J and Marcel. Several students take the remaining seats and one of them is Adonis, expecting to sit near the potential "cool kids". His chair, however, is one seat above Tech Wizard. The teacher arrives, uninterested, and recites the roll call for today.]
Teacher: Okay students, my name is Mr. Wuxop and I'm your teacher for the remainder of the year. Let's start with a roll call. (picks up a clipboard) J?
J: Here!
Mr. Wuxop: Marcel?
Marcel: Here!
Mr. Wuxop: Kelvin? Kelvin? Kelvin? Kelvin?
(Suddenly, Welch knocks on the door and Mr. Wuxop opens it)
Welch: Sorry for the intrusion. But I got a note from the principal.
Mr. Wuxop: (reading) Due to his transfer taking so long, Kelvin is excused for the time being. Meh! Okay, moving on, Eric.
Eric: Here!
Mr. Wuxop: Greg.
Greg: Here!
Mr. Wuxop: Alice.
Alice: Present!
[Tech Wizard, astonished, looks around and spots Alice sitting near the door. Enraged, he retorts in his thoughts.]
Tech Wizard: (thinking) What is she doing here!? I thought I told her to stay in the Red Light District! Augh! I need to remind her about her responsibilities and . . . wait! If she's here, then is . . .? NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! Now's not the time for that. Besides, I have enough problems to deal with.
[Before such problems can be thought out, Mr. Wuxop calls out Tech Wizard's name]
Mr. Wuxop: Tech Wizard.
Tech Wizard: Huh? Wait. Here!
[Alice, also astonished, looks around and spots Tech Wizard at the center of the classroom. Enraged, she retorts in her thoughts.]
Alice: (thinking) What is he doing here!? Doesn't he know that the B.B.I. is after him!? And what about the poster? Did anybody see it? I hope not! He'll make more enemies here before he can clear his name! Wait! NO! NO! NO! NO! SHE'S NOT IN THE SCHOOL! I made sure of it!
Mr. Wuxop: Alexa.
Alexa: Here.
Mr. Wuxop: Vanessa.
Vanessa: Here.
Mr. Wuxop: Rose.
Rose: Here.
Mr. Wuxop: Jen.
Jen: Here
Mr. Wuxop: Elise.
Elise: Here.
Mr. Wuxop: Molly.
Molly: Here.
[Adonis turns around and spots the row of girls behind him.]
Adonis: (thinking) Alright! I hit the jackpot! Bikini Babes! They're so hot, they make other women look like flats! (spots Alexa) I'll take her as my new girlfriend. She'll be perfect to replace Bailey! (spots Vanessa) She'll be my second girlfriend. Probably when the first gets pathetic. (spots the rest of the group) I'll probably have the guys take these chicks as their lovers. After that, not only will we be seen as the popular kids in this school, everyone will worship me as their king. (sees Tech Wizard) Ugh! Who's this weirdo! Whoever he is, he'll never exist in my universe! What an uggo! So dark and stupid looking. If I'm Finn the human then he's Xergiok the stump humping troll thing!
Mr. Wuxop: Adonis!
Adonis: I'm right here!
Mr. Wuxop: Alright, today's lesson, you'll be making connections with your fellow neighbors. So turn your seats, meet your future classmates and yada, yada, yada.
[Everyone turns their seats while Mr. Wuxop reclines his chair to read a traveler's magazine.]
J: Hi. My name is J. I'm a preppy and I'm excited to be here today.
Marcel: Name's Marcel. Not Mark! MARCEL! Need to be here because Mom forced me. Also, what's a preppy?
J: Interesting. Well, for starters, preppies are intellectual tutors who make it their mission to utilize their skills in assisting the unprepared. We are a highly respected union that takes our work super seriously.
Marcel: So you're like the "homework police"?
J: Please do not insult a preppy! You will be barred from a tutor for infinity!
Marcel: Hey! I was making a joke. Don't take it seriously.
J: Do you have any family members who need assistance in terms of academics?
Marcel: I have a sibling who's got autism.
J: Oh. We have preppies who can assist the neurodivergent. Are they at basic or advanced levels?
Marcel: My sibling's name is Lyn. They are autistic. They has anger issues but is a gentle individual.
J: Academically, what is Lyn's progress?
Marcel: Heck if I know. The teachers assigned there make them finger paint instead of reading and writing an essay. According to Lyn, most of the teachers think autism is a made up disease that whiny people invented to get hugs and that "he" is really "slow".
J: That's discrimination. We preppies take our work very seriously and will put an end to this malpractice.
[Meanwhile, at the other side, Alice is trying to switch seats with the other students to get to Tech Wizard. Unfortunately, no one will budge.]
Alice: Come on! It's right near the door! What more do you want!
Drake: Sorry, but I'm comfortable where I'm sitting.
Alice: Hey, you! Want to switch seats with me?
?: Um? No thanks. I'm fine.
Alice: (desperately) Please! I beg of you!
?: Sorry, but my hands are tied.
Alice: Augh!
?: Why do you want to switch?
Alice: Just cause!
?: Hey! Don't yell at me, momma! I was just asking!
Alice: (confused) Momma? (suspicious) What's under that hood!?
?: Nothing!
[Alice pulls off the hoodie and is shocked to see she knows. In a pink shirt, yellow skirt, black knee socks, and white sneakers is Christina, a black-haired transgirl with a barrette, LGBT pin, and a mole on her left cheek.]
Alice: Christina!?
Christina: Hi, mom.
Alice: (flustered) Don't you "hi mom" me, young translady! What are you doing here!?
Christina: To be near Papa.
Alice: (concerned) Christina. Your papa and I told you that it's not your turn to go to school. You're too fragile to be surrounded by unknown people.
Christina: Well, you and papa taught me enough and I can handle myself.
Alice: Well, wait until your father hears about this. Speaking off, he's right there. (points to the direction of Tech Wizard's seat)
Christina: Papa?
Drake: If she's your daughter, then why is he over there flirting?
Christina: I'm adopted. Mama and Papa aren't married so they can date whoever they want without violating conventional rules!
Drake: That still leaves me with more questions.
Eustace: Hey! It's a LGBT thing! You wouldn't understand!
Alice: You go Misty!
Eustace: That's Eustace.
Alice: You still look like Misty.
[Meanwhile, Tech Wizard is surrounded by Vanessa and Alexa's girl group as he tries to muster some composure. Suddenly, Adonis breaks the silence.]
Adonis: Hi. My name is Adonis and you girls are my future wives for the rest of this dumb school year. As for you, turn your seat away from these sexy babes, cover your ugly face, and maybe I won't pound your face with my fist!
Tech Wizard: (awkwardly) So . . . tell me more about yourselves?
Adonis: (outraged) WHAT DID I JUST SAID! DO I NEED TO BLOW YOU TO BITS BEFORE WE HAVE A PROBLEM!
Tech Wizard: (ignoring the jock) So your name is Vanessa, right?
Alexa: Actually, I'm Alexa. Vanessa is the one with the dark, black hair. Molly has purple hair. Elise's blonde. Jen is red. Rose has . . . well you know?
Tech Wizard: (sheepishly) Pink?
Rose: It's in my name, but close.
Alexa: And my hair is dark blue. Like the ocean. So, tell us about yourself, besides saving me from that bar of soap.
Adonis: (cutting in) Well, my name is Adonis and I would have saved your beautiful ass if this loser didn't drop that soap in the hallway.
Tech Wizard: (suspicious) How do you know that?
Adonis: Excuse me?
Alexa: He's asking how did you know it was a bar of soap? Or how did you know it was in the hallway?
Adonis: Random guess.
Tech Wizard: That is both stupid and ridiculous.
Adonis: Says the creepo.
Rose: Excuse me but we were talking to him, not you!
Adonis: (pokes Rose inappropriately) Listen to me, pinky, let the man in this room talk to the nerd here and maybe I'll permit you to speak!
[Molly, Elise, Jen jaws drop from the inappropriate behavior, Vanessa and Alexa respond to Adonis' behavior with WTF looks and Tech Wizard starts gritting his teeth with cross popping veins. Before anyone can do anything, Christina responds by kicking Adonis in the nuts.]
Adonis: (in pain) Augh! Oww! My nuts! Oh! The pain!
Christina: That's for attacking papa's friends!
Tech Wizard: Christina!? You're in school!?
Alexa: Wait a minute? Papa? You're a dad? And you're flirting with us!?
Christina: LSS! He's not married. I call him papa because he and mama adopted me. Besides, you were flirting with him, not the other way around.
Alexa: And she is?
Tech Wizard: That's Christina. She's my adopted trans daughter.
Jen: Trans-daughter? She was a guy?
Christina: Yes and no. I literally don't care what people think. Either like me or leave us alone. So, tell me, are you dating papa or not!?
Alexa: Wait, dating?
Christina: Yeah! It's on papa's list!
Tech Wizard: Wait!? What?!
[Christina takes his list and gives it to Alexa. Both her and Vanessa look at the list with giggles between the two. Tech Wizard tries to take it back before Rose stops him by stuffing his head on her chest. Before something else can happen, Vanessa gives him back the list.]
Tech Wizard: Let me see. Everything is fine except . . . what is this? (reads) Gain several girlfriends? What does that mean?
Alexa: Here's the thing. You can't just take one of us. You need a sample platter of us women to understand how dating works. So, after discussing with Vanessa here about you, we've decided that you won't get to date me. (Tech Wizard looks confused) You will get to date all 6 of us! (Tech Wizard collapses from the revelation) Just until you decide whom you want to remain with forever.
Tech Wizard: I get to date several of you ladies. (stammers) Blah blah blah bleh bleh bu ub bu. I'm melting.
[Suddenly, Adonis eyes crack open with fury as he hears the conversation]
Adonis: (boiling outrage) WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!? THIS NERD GETS TO DATE ALL THIS HOT BITCHES! I'LL KILL YOU!
[Adonis clenches his fist and strikes at Tech Wizard's face with all he got. The end result is that Adonis collapsing to the floor in wailing agony over his broken hand]
Adonis: (in unimaginable pain) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My hand! It broke into pieces! I need a band-aid! (stands up) YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME!
[Adonis clenches his other fist and wails at Tech Wizard only to experience the same wailing agony]
Adonis: (muttering indistinct profanity) You! Drake! Hit him for me!
Drake: Yes, Adonis.
[Drake charges at Tech Wizard headfirst, only to collapse in concussive moaning]
Drake: (moaning in pain) My head!
Adonis: Eric, kick him in the nuts! Hurry!
Eric: Yes, dude!
[Eric strikes the confused wizard in the nuts only to hear his femur, tibia, fibula, and patella on the right side of body crack and shatter. Collapsing to the floor, he tearfully cries]
Eric: (sobbing painfully) WHY?! My leg! It's so fucking painful!
Tech Wizard: You know, all of this could be resolved over talking it out instead of these unnecessary fights. Either way, you'll lose but at least the talking will make you lose with your dignity intact.
Adonis: (upset) DIGNITY! GREG, SUPLEX THIS FUCKER!
Greg: Um? I think my leg fell asleep?
Adonis: (livid) GREG STEVENS, LIFT AND THROW HIM OUT THIS ROOM OR GET CUT!
[Greg, unenthusiastically, gets out his seat, picks up Tech Wizard and tries to throw him out the door only for his arms to wobble, hears his spine snap into six pieces, and collapse on the floor.]
Greg: (internal screaming)
[Eventually, the bullies go straight to the nurse's office while Mr. Wuxop reprimands the events that took place]
Mr. Wuxop: You really like to cause trouble, don't you?
Tech Wizard: What?
Mr. Wuxop: Oh! That's your response, huh! (mockingly) What? I ask you to do a simple assignment: make connections. And your first response is to get into a fight with our varsity team.
Adonis: (being a basketcase) All I did was introduce myself to the girls in my class and he was wailing at me for no reason.
Mr. Wuxop: I am here to do my job. I may be your first teacher on your first day of school, but you do not have the right to start fights like you own the place!
Adonis: (a complete basketcase) I was just making friends. I never hurt anybody.
Mr. Wuxop: Listen here! You are going to apologize to this poor boy! You are going to apologize to your classmates for being violent! And you are going to detention for this unruly behavior! AM I CLEAR!
[Tech Wizard nods in agreement]
Mr. Wuxop: Good. Now say you're sorry to the class.
[Before such apologies can be spoken, the school principal issues a surprise]
Principal: Attention, students! Attention, students! Second and third periods on your class schedule will be postponed for our varsity team's pep rally! Attendance is mandatory, so I expect all of you to be there. However, I have here a list of students who are barred from attending such events: Tech Wizard. That is all!
Mr. Wuxop: (snidely) Well, I guess your recent butt kickings have made it towards the principal's desk. Students, you are all dismissed to attend the prep rally early. As for you, though, detention seems too much for your first day. So you'll be sent somewhere until the principal can decide what punishment for this unruliness.
[The class leaves homeroom to attend the pep rally in the gymnasium. Tech Wizard, unfortunately, is sent downstairs until the rally is over. Entering an empty room, he seethes in today's scuffle]
Tech Wizard: I try to fit in and I still make problems.
[Suddenly, several gears exit out of his body and on the floor]
Gear #1: Who does that teacher think he is!?
Gear #2: Yeah! You were minding your business and the dum dum just went ballistic over you talking.
Gear #45: It only makes it worse when the dum dum's goons decide to attack you.
Tech Wizard: And when Greg decided to lift me?
Gear #99: The other gears decide to apply pounds of pressure to make him let go of you.
Tech Wizard: Thereby breaking his back?
Gear #3663: An unfortunate aftermath.
Tech Wizard: (sigh) What about the shattered leg, the concussion, and the other things?
Gear #888: Our job is to protect you, sir. If we aren't shielding you, we aren't doing our jobs right.
Tech Wizard: I guess so. But that also makes me stand out as someone with secrets to hide. And I'm trying to come out as normal.
?: Ironic, ain't it.
[Tech Wizard, now alert, exits out the room and is surrounded by numerous individuals carrying lit candles. The empty room door opens and out comes a pale looking, all black wearing boy with black lines on his face and a chandelier on his head. The individuals all bow their heads to the boy and chant "Goth Prince" over and over again. The boy raises his hand to silence his followers as he speaks to the unfazed Tech Wizard]
Goth Prince: This is my domain, interloper. What dares you to venture into my compound?
Tech Wizard: I was exiled here by my homeroom teacher for getting into a fight. Also, Goth "Prince"? Shouldn't it be Goth "King"?
Goth Prince: (hesitant) No! Goth Prince is my de facto title. King just sounds arrogant. Besides, of all places, why my domain?
Tech Wizard: I was not allowed to attend the prep rally scheduled for today.
[All the goths gasped from the answer]
Goth #1: You were banned from the prep rally?
Goth #2: You mean, you were invited and hid yourself from the eyes of the false smiles.
Tech Wizard: No. I was the only student not allowed to attend.
Goth #3: I guess those teachers were blinded by their bleak non-existence to prohibit unknowns like us to attend their excuse of a presentation for the overpowered twits.
Goth #4: What he just said.
Tech Wizard: Unknowns?
Goth Prince: Individuals who don't fit in with the stagnated viewpoints of the fake kids.
Tech Wizard: Like?
[Goth Prince introduces a few "unknowns" to Tech Wizard. A girl, several trans people, and Lyn]
Tech Wizard: Who are all of you?
Jane: My name is Jane. Plain Jane. I have none of the features that make guys attracted to girls but I make up on it by my personality.
Byron: My name is Byron. I was Minerva at one point of my life. I want to be accepted as who I am. I also prefer guys instead of girls if you don't mind. I want to meet others like me in the school if my gender wasn't a "blight" to the "cool kids".
Timmy: Name's Timmy. I used to be Tara until Byron here understood my emotional angst. I like girls and trans girls. I, too, am a "blight" to the "cool kids" despite not doing anything.
Remy: Hi, my name is Remy. I was at one point a guy and now I'm a non-binary fella. I'd like to be a preppy but I'm incredibly nervous about revealing my gender preference. I work out to relieve that stress.
Lyn: Hi, my name is Lyn. Lyn Abadeer. I was sent downstairs because the jocks don't want "retards" in their prep rally. I, too, am non-binary.
Tech Wizard: What's with the sweater?
Lyn: Um. I have this shirt that the jocks forced me to zip because "there is no such thing as 'autistic or non-binary'. They're made up words created by retards who can't man up"
Tech Wizard: So you're a neurodivergent non-binary vampire?
Lyn: Fallen angel! My mommy is a vampire. I just look like a vampire but I'm really a dark angel.
Tech Wizard: But you're neurodivergent. You're built differently but succeed in your own way. With autism, you're a highly creative individual with immense logic, untappable imagination, and visual thought. Your only flaw is honesty but unless others understand what you go through then perhaps they'll get that your insults aren't literal but a faulty unfiltered side effect. In other words, you can solve problems in a detailed systematic process even if some perceive it as you being a rude prick.
Lyn: You understand me. Only my mommy ever understands me. My teachers just give me crayons to subdue what they perceive as slow. My brother and sister try but I think they see me as a burden rather than a sibling. At least I'm given an honest opinion by someone who gets me.
Tech Wizard: I have Asperger's. I'm kinda like you except I can't socialize like the cool kids can.
Lyn: Then what do you call this?
Tech Wizard: Practice?
[Lyn chuckles from the response. The other "unknowns" chuckle as well until Goth Prince interrupts the conversation.]
Goth Prince: I know you're having this heartfelt talk, and to someone that can't feel his heart, I get it, but you trespassed and I can't allow you to leave with our location being discovered. We need to give a just punishment for you. Any suggestions?
Goth #1: Burn him!
Goth #2: Tar him!
Goth #3: Burn him!
Goth #5: We can't burn him twice, Frank!
Frank: My name is Abyssman! And at least it's better than tar and feathering the guy, Ellen!
Ellen: My name is Barb Duchess! And I prefer the tarring and feathers. It promotes the bleakness of crows in general.
Goth #4: Can't we just punch him?
Goth #1: We're goths, Larry. Jocks punch, Goths heal.
Larry: My name is Red Moon Man, Kathy.
Kathy: The name is Black Sash Kat! Get my name right!
Goth Prince: Enough! Arguing like this isn't getting anything done. I suggest that we . . .
[Suddenly, Tech Wizard does a pose that stops the Goths from their place. Before some can utter a word, music out of a speaker plays while Tech Wizard goes from pose to dancing that makes the Goths gaze with awe]
Goth Prince: What is this feeling that I have in my chest?
Abyssman: I want to keep listening. My shallow soul is starting to feel colors again.
Barb Dutchess: Why do I have this urge inside me? As if my heart, if I had one, wants to scream with excitement or anguish.
Red Moon Man & Black Sash Kat: Can I marry you!? Of course you can!
[By the time the song ends, Goth Prince starts to shed tears of joy, leaving his followers confused]
Corpse Carl: Did he just cry?
R.I.P. Sai: I think he did cry?
Skull Luz: Impossible! Our prince can never cry! He has no heart underneath his chest, just maggots!
[Suddenly, the candles on his chandelier crown open their eyes and reply back to the followers]
Candle #1: Actually, there is a heart. He just never uses it, emotionally.
Candle #45: Also, it's impossible to stuff maggots inside his heart. He tried it and the only result was massive tickles.
Candle #90: And then the fire happened. But we said too much.
Skull Luz: (surprised) Did those candles talk?
Goth Prince: (deadpan sarcastically) No, you're hallucinating. What do you think?
[Tech Wizard finishes his dance and leaves the entire group baffled. Goth Prince then speaks for everybody in the room]
Goth Prince: I do not know why you thought that would help in your situation but you have my undivided attention. The result is that you'll live, for now.
Tech Wizard: For now?
Goth Prince: I will let you leave but you must do me two things! One, (sheepishly) be my friend.
Tech Wizard: (awkward) Okay.
Candle #67: Trust me, he's just shy in spite of his title.
Gear #1: A talking candle? Now I've seen everything!
Goth Prince: (booming) Number 2! (sheepishly) How do you dance like that and will you show it to us?.
[Suddenly, a door opens and out comes several cleaning supplies and a yellow rolling bucket being pushed by a janitor with a stoic look.]
Janitor: What are you kids doing downstairs?
Tech Wizard: The prep rally upstairs banned us from attending.
Janitor: Hmm. You too? Seems to me like those twits up there want to keep their pristine dog and pony show free from "unknowns" like us. I was supposed to clean the main floor today but my boss says to go downstairs so as to not "offend" the star quarterback of this school.
Tech Wizard: Quarterback?
Janitor: You know, that Adonis fella. I hate that golden boy.
Tech Wizard: Really? I met him in my homeroom during a class assignment. He was reduced to a blubbering mess because a trans-girl kicked him in the nuts.
[Everyone laughs, even the janitor]
Byron: There's a trans girl here? Who's her name?
[Meanwhile, on the main floor, Christina is looking for her papa while Alice tries to rein in her behavior]
Christina: Papa? Papa!? Papa?
Alice: Christina! I get this is your first day but kicking a jock in the nuts? Are you insane!?
Christina: He was very mean to papa! What was I supposed to do, leave it?
Alice: Christina! Men like that ogre aren't born with the same emotions like me and papa. Also, that teacher blaming papa for fighting back was uncalled for but all of this could've been avoided if you just did nothing.
Christina: What kind of advice is that for your adopted daughter?
Alice: I don't know. I'm mad at that dumb teacher for blaming Tech Wizard for starting that fight. I'm also upset because that mongrel was saying such sexist remarks to those girls. But a girl like me needs to follow the rules in school to avoid trouble.
Tech Wizard: And then my run in with rich people landed me in jail. But, in my defense, that's what happens when you shove an aisle of chocolate bars down the trash.
Goth Prince: What horrible people!
Candle #4: Such a waste of delicious chocolate.
Lyn: What gives the rich to throw away chocolate bars just because one guy hated the taste?
Timmy: They're rich. They can do anything with money lying around!
Jane: True dat! Although, jail. That must have been rough?
Tech Wizard: (shrugs) Eh. I spent one hour before the guards heard my testimony.
[Christina runs up to Tech Wizard and happily hugs him]
Christina: And then those morons realized that the only bad guy who belongs in jail was that meanie who threw away chocolate in the trash.
Lyn: Huh?
Jane: What?
Skull Luz: Who's this?
Christina: Hi! I'm Christina. I'm new to this school, I'm a trans girl, and this is my papa.
Goth Prince: Wait, what?
Lyn: Papa!?
Red Moon Man & Black Sash Kat: You're married!?
Byron: (gleeful) This is Christina!?
Alice: Technically, she's our adopted daughter. And I'm her mother. The name is Alice, BTW.
Timmy: (whistles) You got a family that's beautiful.
Alice: Thanks!
Christina: Wait a minute, is that you, Tara?
Timmy: My name is Timmy. I finally transitioned into a man a few weeks ago, Chrissy.
Byron: Chrissy? Also, Alice! You go to school here?
Alice: Yes, Minerva. I attend here.
Byron: That's Byron, sweetheart.
Alice: You're Minerva and you always will be.
Tech Wizard: You two know each other?
Alice: She's from my days at the RLD.
Byron: I've changed now! I'm no longer Minerva. I have realized that when men liked my body instead of my feelings. Now, I'm Byron and I want to be in a relationship that involves emotions rather than pleasure.
Lyn: What's RLD?
Tech Wizard: Red Light District.
Lyn: That place with the girls in the dresses looking to make babies?
[Everyone, sans Tech Wizard, looks at Lyn with questionable looks]
Tech Wizard: They're neurodivergent.
Christina: Like you, papa?
Lyn: Sort of. I have autism and he's aspergers.
Alice: Oh. Um. How do you know the RLD?
Lyn: Just because I'm autistic doesn't mean I know things.
Goth Prince: How?
Lyn: I'm also non-binary and most people who flirt with me keep asking to come into their homes.
Alice: Non-binary. Never met one before.
Christina: Non-binary. (hugs them) I like you already.
Lyn: Thanks! (hugs back)
Tech Wizard: I wonder if that pep rally is over?
Alice: Doubt it. If it were, everyone would exit the gym in a hurry.
[The gym doors suddenly burst open as some jocks throw a box outside.]
Ryan: And stay out!
[The gym doors slam shut and the group walk up to the box and try to figure out what's inside. Before anything can happen, the doors burst open and Blueberry Prince gets thrown out the gym]
David: And you too, tubby!
[Doors slam shut]
Blueberry Prince: Tubby? At least come up with better insults than that, muscle strain. (looks at the group and they look back.) Hey! Name is Blueberry Prince. I'm the son of Wildberry Princess! I was supposed to introduce my boy to the audience before Biff and his thugs threw us out for "interference".
Tech Wizard: My name is Tech Wizard and what's in the box?
Blueberry Prince: My boy. He's trying to make a big entrance. Just give me a minute.
[Blueberry Prince picks up the box, sets it straight, pulls out a megaphone, and introduces everyone to his friend]
Blueberry Prince: Introducing! Everyone in the corridor! My boy, my bro, my reason to live vivaciously! The ONE and ONLY, KELVINO!
[The box suddenly opens and out comes a fiery individual dressed up in gangsta attire. His appearance makes several individuals giggle while several goths look unamused. Suddenly, the boy speaks.]
Kelvin: Yo, yo, yo, yo! What's up my people in Bubblegum High! My name is K to the E to the L to the V to the I to the N to the O, baby! I'm here to rap y'all from the days to the nights and feel bombastic till my arms start to hurt! I'm also the new kid, got transferred from a stuffy building! The place where fun dies and rich men get crazy! I'm here to make friends, find a lover, and graduate like a normal! If y'all got a problem, pick a fight with someone. Someone who ain't me, motherfucka!
[The boy finishes his introduction as silence enters the corridor.]
Christina: (curious) So, is he one of those popular kids or something?
Blueberry Prince: I wish. He just transferred from Tartoofian Prep School.
Byron: (surprised) Tar . . .
Timmy: Toofian . . .
Christina: Prep?
Aoi: It's one of the most prestigious and well received academies in the entire world. Only a mere 2.5% of individuals can be accepted at Tartoofian Prep. The remaining percentage must either have excellent academics, access to tremendous wealth, or know the principal. The principal, whose name is Alfred BTW, has been known to favor avocados and is a pool pro. Unfortunately, he's in immense debt from the Pendleton Ward Syndicate and his job is what's keeping him afloat.
Tech Wizard: You know your stuff. Also, how come Penny Ward? Why not Ian "Mad Jones" or Lady Sugar?
Aoi: That's a rumor I've heard on numerous ice cream socials. Name is Aoi, BTW.
Kelvin: Preppies? You those smart people, right?
Aoi: Smart? Hah! We're a combination of intellectuals, ambitionists, or skilled people that dedicate our lives into helping the academically challenged. We will tutor any student, let it be an A+ or an expelled one. If you fail a math test, we will help you. If you have a project and everyone on your team flaked, we will assist you. If you're those procrastinators who start on the final day, we'll finish between 30 minutes to 5 hours.
Alice: 5 hours?
Aoi: We're realistic.
Tech Wizard: Either way, why aren't you inside with the jocks?
Aoi: Not into those sweaty swines and their dog and pony show. That pep rally is really about showing their egos as it is about school spirit.
Goth Prince: Finally, something we can agree on.
Remy: Hi! My name is Remy. Can someone like me join the Preppies? I'm non-binary BTW!
Aoi: We're always accepting individuals who wish to become preppies like us. Also, we accept anyone regardless of preferences. Whoever was responsible for passing rumors like that are clearly ignorant.
Remy: So, I can join?
Aoi: Yeah! I was on my way to hand out these flyers for anyone who wants to become a preppy. (gives the group, except Kelvin, flyers) We were supposed to introduce ourselves at 10 but due to those mean spirited jocks throwing that outlandish prep rally we'll have to reschedule our introduction at 12, during lunch.
Goth Prince: Are you willing to accept anyone?
Aoi: So long as the skill is vital for academic progress.
Goth Prince: I have these followers who're interested in plants.
Aoi: Well, we're sure that's vital for school projects and the possibility for a gardening club.
Goth Prince: Interesting. Skull Luz! Corpse Carl!
Skull Luz and Corpse Carl: Yes!
Goth Prince: You are now official preppies as of today.
Skull Luz and Corpse Carl: Okay!
Aoi: Woah there! First, wait until lunch. We need to introduce ourselves before we can accept you two. We preppies follow a schedule as its protocol in our lives.
Tech Wizard: Can I join too?
Aoi: Yes.
Lyn: What about me?
Aoi: Of course.
Byron: And what about . . .
Aoi: Enough! Wait until lunch and then I'll answer these questions. Because right now, I can't answer and retort in seconds. I'm only one person.
J: That's true.
Aoi: J?
J: Yes. I'm here.
Aoi: But what about the rally?
J: That dog and pony show? Got bored once they brought out a float with speakers going full blast. They made it sound like this was "the most important event of our lives".
Aoi: Anyone buy into it?
J: The so-called "popular kids". Just a bunch of kids who got caught up in their hype.
Tech Wizard: Let me guess, they're the idiots who yell back "I AM THE HYPE"!
J: Pretty much. Your name?
Tech Wizard: Name is Tech Wizard. You?
J: I'm J or Jaime. I prefer J since ignorant people keep thinking Jaime is a girl's name.
Aoi: Despite Jaime being a non-binary name.
Tech Wizard: That's the problem with ignorant people. They're the types who believe their own hype to the point that their idiocy becomes evident.
J: And yet the "popular kids" want me to join their group. I replied to them no. I prefer being a smart fella than some shallow, gawky dork.
[J's reply makes the group amazed. Even the goths are shocked.]
Abyssman: I think I'm in love.
Skull Luz: Are you single?
J: (awkward) Anyway, we will respond to each of your questions once lunch period happens. In the meantime, can I see where the Goth club is?
Goth Prince: We use the downstairs floor since the principal finds us creepy.
Aoi: Well that's just wrong. School clubs must have a meeting place like a classroom to engage with newcomers about the uniqueness of such events. A floor, especially the downstairs floor, is an unreasonable place to hold such meetings. Whatever the principal's feelings about certain lifestyles of the students shouldn't be an excuse to deny social activities.
[The goths are baffled by Aoi's response]
Corpse Carl: Can I date you?
Aoi: Not looking for a romantic relationship now! There's registration afoot!
[Suddenly, the gym doors slam open and numerous students leave the pep rally in droves. The flow ends up gulping the group in a sea of crammed kids. Out of all in the group, Tech Wizard manages to escape by latching up the ceiling. Along with him are Lyn, Alice, Christina, Aoi, J, and Skull Luz latching onto his body. Kelvin survives by sitting on Blueberry Prince's head while he sits there like a tiny island on a vast ocean. By the time the hallway is empty, only a few goths and Byron are found lying on the floor, trampled. Kelvin jumps off his buddy while Tech Wizard lowers to the floor. Suddenly, Alexa appears and hugs Tech Wizard]
Alexa: Hi there, Techy boo.
[The titular wizard blushes and embarrassingly mumbles only to be interrupted by Kelvin]
Kelvin: Wait a minute. You're in a relationship with one of the popular kids?
[Tech Wizard still mumbles]
Blueberry Prince: Strange, I never thought you would hook up with a cool kid. A girl with bespeckled glasses maybe but not a cool kid.
Alexa: Please don't stereotype. Relationships are built on trust not assumptions.
Christina: And to answer the flame kid's question, yes. She is my papa's girlfriend.
Abyssman: I don't believe you.
Edgelord Mike: I find that hard to believe.
Byron: You sure that she's your type?
Alexa: I'm sure he's my lover. He saved me from a bar of soap down a hallway.
Abyssman, Edgelord Mike, & Byron: (in unison) NO, SERIOUSLY!
Vanessa: Technically, he's not just her bf but mines also.
Alexa: Hey, bestie.
Tech Wizard: (shy) Hi there, my girlfriends.
Aoi: Girlfriends?
Vanessa: He chose to be in an open relationship. Right, Techy boo?
[Tech Wizard mumbles embarrassingly]
Aoi: Honestly, I really don't have any judgments about relationships.
J: You say that since you're in love with your job.
Aoi: And that is the truth!
Christina: So, if you're also papa's girlfriend, is this going to be permanent or just high school romance?
Vanessa: Honestly, I just want to see if our relationship is real or fake.
Alexa: And who knows? Perhaps this will lead us to become your step moms or something.
Christina: To be fair, I have a mom. She's all I need. Anymore would sound redundant.
Tech Wizard: Okay, Christina. I think we need to make this conversation end before things get more awkward.
Christina: But papa.
Tech Wizard: Don't! You're already in big trouble for coming to school without our permission!
Alice: Tech Wizard! Not in front of these people!
Vanessa: BTW, what type of trouble is your trans-daughter in?
Alice: Coming to school alone without our permission.
Alexa: How is that a crime?
Tech Wizard: She's a trans girl. Her presence alone is enough to make the "bad people" come out of their lairs.
Aoi: What "bad people"?
Byron: Pedophiles, pimps, and peepers.
Vanessa: You mean the perverts?
Byron: Exactly. And since she's a trans girl, she probably encountered those who fantasize about her "exciting parts".
Kelvin: The perverts who think "naughty thoughts" really need to understand that women are individuals with feelings and commitments that surpass the occasional fling.
Blueberry Prince: Exactly, bro!
Alice: So, we adopted her and tried to protect her from that horror. But our issue is trying to let her walk alone.
Aoi: Why don't you let her?
Tech Wizard: We're overprotective and paranoid.
Alice: When you have kids, things around you change a lot. People who sound nice might be a pervert. Pathways that sound serene might be too easy. And then there was Muto Street.
[Tech Wizard sighs in shame]
Kelvin: What happened there?
Christina: You don't want to know.
Byron: Actually, I'll tell you this: High heeled ladies in Nick Jennings Avenue just don't work.
Tech Wizard: Nick Jennings Avenue was different. That one involved custard.
[The school bell rings, interrupting the conversation. The intercom announces to the students that lunch has begun. Everyone walks down the hall towards the lunch room. After the door opens, someone interrupts the group.]
?: Tech Wizard?
Tech Wizard: Yes.
Winthrope: Hi, I'm Principal Winthrope. I'm here to give you this letter.
[Tech Wizard opens the letter, drops it and immediately leaves towards the door]
J: What was that?
[Aoi picks up the letter and reads it to the group]
Aoi: Attention Tech Wizard. We would like for you to leave the school premises and have lunch outside. Your presence might frighten and intimate the students inside. We hope you understand. Signed, Principal Winthrope.
Goth Prince: This is bullshit!
Winthrope: Well, tell that to the concerned staff here.
Skull Luz: Goth Prince? Where were you?
Goth Prince: On the ceiling. Dangling like a chandelier but forgetting to unclick the thing.
Now what kind of excuse is that?
Winthrope: It's for the protection of the entire student body.
Goth Prince: Well, if he's leaving for lunch so am I!
Winthrope: Fine. The students find you creepy anyway!
Kelvin: Well, I'm out too!
Winthrope: Anyone else who leaves will be expelled immediately!
[Christina, Alice, and another kid leave with Kelvin. Winthrope, relieved, leaves the hall and the students enter the lunch room. Tech Wizard, upset, walks down some road and finds a diner in the middle of the road. He enters and is greeted by Sal, the owner]
Sal: Hey! Welcome to Bricks Diner. We serve good food at reasonable prices! What can I get ya!
[Tech Wizard opens and reads the menu as Sal patiently waits for his order]
Tech Wizard: I'll have a cheeseburger deluxe.
Sal: The deluxe. Okay! What patty temp is your preference?
Tech Wizard: Medium well.
Sal: With lettuce, tomatoes, onions and pickles?
Tech Wizard: Red onions?
Sal: Yeah! Only red onions go with good burgers!
Tech Wizard: Then, yes!
Sal: Hey, Dimaggio! One cheeseburger with all the fixings!
[Bell rings]
Sal: Hey! Welcome to Bricks Diner. We serve good food at reasonable prices! What can I get ya!
Goth Prince: Black coffee and some donuts.
Sal: Ah, yes! The Goth Special. Coming right up!
Tech Wizard: You followed me?
Goth Prince: You're my friend. It's not fair what that principal has to say. Besides, school food is way too bland, even for me.
Sal: Hey. What type of coffee do you prefer, light roast or dark roast?
Goth Prince: The darkest roast.
Sal: Ah! The Nightosphere blend. Hey, Mike! One bag of Nightosphere! On the double!
[Bell dings]
Sal: Hey! Welcome to Bricks Diner. We serve good food at reasonable prices! What can I get ya!
Kelvin: What's the sandwich of the day?
Sal: That would be the turkey club. An average turkey sandwich with lettuce, tomato, bacon and avocado on 2 slices of wholewheat. For an additional 3 dollars, you can upgrade it with fries, waffle fries or soup.
Kelvin: Then I'll have the club with soup.
Sal: Chicken or minestrone?
Kelvin: Chicken.
Sal: One poultry platter!
[Bell dings]
Sal: Hey! Welcome to Bricks Diner. We serve good food at reasonable prices! What can I get ya!
Alice: Triple decker for me, bacon pancakes for my friend and candy toast with a vanilla milkshake for my daughter here!
Christina: Mhm! Also, a fruit plate since I need to be healthy.
Sal: What type of triple decker?
Alice: Ham, turkey, pastrami on brioche, some fries with a sprinkle of salt, and a can of diet lime soda.
Sal: Okay. A triple, bacon pancakes, and a sweet plate for the little girl!
Dimaggio: Is it Christina!?
Sal: Yeah.
Dimaggio: Then I'll add some whipped cream for the cutie!
[Sal laughs as the students wait for their meals]
Tech Wizard: So? You all walked out?
Alice: If you leave, so do we!
?: Yeah. That teacher was a dumbass!
[In a ripped gray dress and combat boots sits Zombie Princess. Tending to her pink hair, she introduces herself to the group]
Goth Prince: Who are you?
Zombie Princess: My name is Zombie Princess and I'm the newest LGBT girl you've seen in your life!
Alice: I met her walking with us and we started a dialogue. Turns out she's one of many kids who come from The Fuzzy Peach.
Goth Prince: Fuzzy Peach?
Zombie Princess: It's this nightclub that also houses numerous LGBT youths whose parents abandoned or exiled from due to their preferences. Apparently, being LGBTQIA is considered illegal in the eyes of Finn the Human.
Customer: Since when?
Sal: Since yesterday. I don't know.
Alice: Basically, if you're lesbian or trans, come to the Fuzzy Peach and Sister Dolomite shall lead you to acceptance.
Goth Prince: Who's Sister Dolomite?
Dimaggio: Neither man nor woman, they're the epitome of beauty and spectrum!
Kelvin: And you know this because?
Christina: He's a bear.
Kelvin: Like a grizzly . . .
Zombie Princess: No, silly. He's a gay bear. A hairy, tough guy who enjoys other hairier guys like him.
Dimaggio: What she says! What, you got a problem with that!?
Kelvin: I just never met any LGBT people besides them.
Dimaggio: Well, try not to be ignorant.
[Dimaggio dings a bell and Sal picks up the plates and gives them to the following three: Alice, Christina, and Tech Wizard. Sal picks up a mug, puts it near Goth Prince, pours some coffee into the cup, grabs a plate of donuts and gives it to Goth Prince. He then turns around, opens a mini fridge, takes a can of soda, opens it and puts it near Alice.]
Sal: Here you go! Don't worry, your food will arrive, the bacon is taking a while.
[Tech Wizard looks at the plate of donuts on Goth Prince's side]
Tech Wizard: They look freshly made? What, the ones on display are stale to the point of being paperweights?
Sal: The Goth Special involves coffee and donuts, kid. That means freshly brewed coffee and homemade donuts. The ones on display are for people who order them separately. The Goth Special ones consist of the following: chocolate, strawberry, lemon, licorice, maple, blood orange, prune, and cloud.
Alice: Cloud?
Kelvin: Think cotton candy but more fluffier.
Goth Prince: They're the only type of donuts fit enough for goths like us. The fact that this place has Nightosphere coffee is more of a treat for me. I might convince my group to make this the perfect hangout for us.
Sal: If that happens, tell them that we can only do 5 of those specials a day. Our procedure is very delicate and precise. Plus, the Nightosphere blend isn't exactly cheap. Also, here's the bill. I like to do this before you finish the meal so I can do my job faster.
[Sal puts the bill down and Tech Wizard reads the amount owed. Kelvin, curious, takes the paper and is surprised by the amount owed from their orders. Unbeknownst to him, Tech Wizard pulls out a gold bar and puts it on the counter.]
Kelvin: (dumbfounded) Hey! Where did you get that?
Tech Wizard: Does it really matter? Hey, Sal! Will this cover it?
[Sal picks up the plates for both Z.P. and Kelvin and gives them their food. He takes the gold brick, pulls out a tool, and breaks a small nugget. He gives back the brick and Tech Wizard puts it in his robe.]
Kelvin: Seriously, why and where did you get a gold bar?
Christina: It's part of papa's magic. Apparently, he has this vault in his chest.
Alice: As he calls it, it's a magic vault that has infinite wealth. Endless and endless rows of deposit boxes, safes, and piggy banks that seem to have money from every part of the multiverse and timeline whatsoever.
Goth Prince: So, he's rich?
Tech Wizard: No. Despite my enormous wealth, I can't spend it lavishly.
Zombie Princess: Why? Based on the amount inside, you probably can make economies vibrant.
Tech Wizard: First of all, I can also make economies bankrupt if taken excessively. Second, my money is unacceptable, apparently.
Zombie Princess: How unacceptable?
Christina: Because my papa is wanted by the BBI, his money is considered dirty. Also, there are rumors that if you take any currency papa has, a flesh eating disease will kill you in 6 minutes.
Everyone at the counter: WAIT WHAT!?
Kelvin: And everyone bought it!?
Alice: Yes.
Goth Prince: This is why the world is messed up!
Kelvin: So Sal. Are you one of those?
Sal: Here's my opinion: Money is always dirty! Let it be dirt or germs, I'll take it regardless of what people are blabbing about! When sterilized money is invented, I'll take back what I said!
Everyone at the counter: That makes sense!
Customer: So, who's the BBI?
Alice: The Bubblegum Bureau of Investigations. "Whenever a crime has happened from afar, we'll be there". It's one of their mottos.
Sal: They're those overrated cops that claim to be part of Ooo's security force. A bunch of uptight pricks who aim and arrest people who don't walk a straight line! I met one before and all he ordered was a cup of coffee and some toast. Left without paying his bill or tip. He wrote: Next time do it faster!
Kelvin: (awkward) So, they're bad?
Gear #1: Depends on who's bad and just doing their job.
[Several of the kids are alerted by a talking gear]
Kelvin: Did that thing talk or is this club spiked?
Gear #16: No, we're real. As for the club, the only thing about it is that it looks fresh.
Kelvin: Ok, then it's the soup?
Sal: No, it ain't! What, you've never seen talking things before?
Kelvin: I'm just a bit surprised about it.
Candle #3: Well, you're going to be in shock when you see us talking.
[Kelvin looks at Goth Prince's candles, dumbfounded]
Candle #45: Oooh, donuts! And licorice. Yaay!
Candle #56: Is that Nightosphere coffee?
Candle #29: Who cares, dunk them!
[Goth Prince's candles take the donuts and one dips it in the coffee. Zombie Princess giggles while eating her pancakes.]
Zombie Princess: They're so cute eating those donuts. Will-o-wisps, I'm assuming.
Goth Prince: Some of them. The rest are just magically, whimsical candles
Candle #23: If we go through walls, we're will-o-wisps. Regular candles just splat and reform.
Candle #67: Like this.
[Two of the candles demonstrate by ramming to a wall. One candle dissipates while another splats and then regenerates back]
Zombie Princess: Just a regular candle, huh.
Tech Wizard: Seems legit.
Kelvin: So the candles are alive? Then explain those things? (points to several gears)
Tech Wizard: Those are gears. They are cogs brought by magic that live inside me. They're my closest things to actual friends.
Kelvin: (surprised) Friends? You were lonely growing up?
(Tech Wizard silently eats his fries.]
Gear #90: He doesn't want to talk about that.
Kelvin: Why?
Christina: Why did you leave that prep school?
Kelvin: I don't want to talk about it.
Goth Prince: So, did he make you with his magic or?
Gear #12: Actually, we met him as a kid and none of us know how we came to be.
Zombie Princess: And you live inside him. Is he a robot or something?
Gear #37: That's a secret. Also, we're more of a maintenance system for the guy.
Zombie Princess: And who else knows this?
Alice: Just me, him, our daughter, and now you three.
Sal: And don't forget me and Dimaggio!
Alice: Sorry. Totes forgot.
[The group finishes their meal and heads back to the school. There, they meet up with the preppies who've patiently waited for their return.]
Aoi: Salutations! Welcome to the preppy club! We are eager to have you join our prospective organization and advance in academic progress!
Preppies: We are preppies! Come and see! We are preppies! You'll succeed!
J: We're still making our motto rhyme a bit.
Tech Wizard: So? You want to make me a preppy? Was Remy rejected?
Milton: Yes, we want you! And no, we accepted them with open arms.
Aoi: That's Milton. He's a transfer from Millington Prep.
Milton: I decided to study here because those preppies northeast there are very uptight. Also, they rejected me for having a C on Gym.
Aoi: Addendum 400! I despise that addendum.
J: 400? I thought it was 258?
Milton: No, 258 is the one that says "replacing premium whiteout with white paint is illegal".
Aoi: Who in their right mind would do that?
Milton: Apparently, there are people who want to save a few cents.
J: That's just wrong.
Milton: Addendum 400 is the one that requires all preppies to have successful grades in their courses, the maximum being an A+ to the minimum being a B-. Apparently, physical ed counts.
Tech Wizard: Why was this put into place?
Milton: Because of Tristan.
Tech Wizard: Who?
Aoi: Milton! We must never mention "He Who Mustn't Be Referred"!
[Milton curls up in shame]
Aoi: (apologizing) I'm so sorry about my colleague's choice of words. He forgets that "certain people" have to be kept unpersoned for polite reasons.
[J takes Tech Wizard to a corner to talk]
J: Forgive Aoi. She's one of those students who listens to the rules a lot. As for Milton, Tristan is the most vile, wretched, hated man to ever exist in preppydom! Originally, he was one of the Highuppers. Incredibly intellectual and ambitious, Tristan was a preppy that every recruit wanted to be. Glowing with achievement, he led his apprentices to help the disadvantaged into achieving their goals. However, his hubris got the better of him. What began with certain students getting caught cheating with their midterms revealed a cheating ring within Tristan's circle. As it turns out, Tristan's ambition mutated into shallow arrogance. Instead of tutoring his apprentices, he wrote down the answers for various tests and gave it to students looking for the easy way. Branded a fraud, he was stripped of his title, shunned from his colleagues, and his life became a parable, for us preppies, on the dangers of hubris.
Tech Wizard: Where's Tristan now?
Milton: No one knows. We assume he unexisted himself out of humiliation.
Tech Wizard: (sketchy) Uhuh?
Milton: (awkward) So, will you join us?
Tech Wizard: At this point, yes!
J: Great! You'll be given the Introductory Preppy Package: (gives Tech Wizard some things) The 46th Edition of Preppydom, A binder containing today's activities, a preppy pass, some stickers, a pack of pens, pencils, and markers, some notebooks, and some coupons.
[Tech Wizard puts the stuff near a desk.]
Tech Wizard: I'm surprised that there's no uniform in this package.
Milton: We're preppies not sellouts. Individuality for preppies is a gift. If all tutors were the same, schoolwork would get boring.
Tech Wizard: So, why the coupons?
J: Not all preppies are well to do. Even we have feelings.
Tech Wizard: Gears! Put this stuff inside me!
[Several gears open Tech Wizard's chest and take the items one by one]
Tech Wizard: Oh? Right. These are gears. They live inside me and help my body function. I'm sure this is weird, right?
Milton: You know what a rainicorn is?
Tech Wizard: Yes.
Milton: Then you know that to us, weirdness is normal.
[The clock says 2pm. Meanwhile, outside the school, Adonis talks bombastically]
Adonis: OKAY, everybody! I'm here to tell all of you who the popular kids in this school are! Me, this guy!
Dave: Hey! How are you!?
Adonis: This guy!
Oscar: Hello!
Adonis: This guy!
Quaker: Yo, what's up!
Adonis: These girls!
[Adonis points to the cheerleaders, including Bailey, the head cheerleader]
Bailey: Cool as Marceline!
Adonis: This guy!
Marcel: Wait, what?
Adonis: That fireball!
Kelvin: Yo?
Adonis: Those hot bikini babes I met in class!
[Adonis continues pointing to random things he sees]
Adonis: That guy! That girl! That rock! That tree branch! And whoever is the smartest guy here is part of us popular kids!
Dave: I think it's that J guy?
Adonis: I like to make him part of us cool kids! And anybody who isn't part of our clique is either a nerd, gay, or a chump! Understand!
[Several students look at Adonis with confusion and shrug off. Adonis, steamed, barks back]
Adonis: Yeah! You better turn away! You are all losers compared to us cool kids!
Oscar: (awkwardly) Yeah! Woo! Cool kid!
[The front door opens as Tech Wizard and J speak casually while Adonis looks aghast at the two.]
Tech Wizard: And so, Muto Street was the turning point for me to attend Bubblegum High. That and what happened on McHale Avenue, but I digress.
J: (sigh) Hopefully, that guy gets his karmic justice! McHale Avenue, however, feels anti-climatic.
Tech Wizard: You sure? Because spontaneous combustion was debunked by wizards as pure fiction from bad mushrooms.
J: I'm sure. I mean, how can a magic quesadilla turn stop signs into pants? And why do the police blame you for it?
Tech Wizard: For the latter, I look menacing. As for the former, talk to Irving.
J: Who's Irving?
Tech Wizard: I don't know. That's what I heard from Pendleton . . .
[Suddenly, Adonis interrupts the duo]
Adonis: (outraged) YOU! Get away from my best friend!
[J and Tech Wizard turn around, trying to find the individual Adonis was pointing at.]
J: (confused) Me?
Adonis: (embarrassed) No. Not you. Him!
[Suddenly, Milton appears.]
Milton: (confused) Me?
Adonis: (upset) No! Sort of. I meant him!
Aoi: I'm a girl.
Adonis: (irked) Not you! HIM!
Marcel: Me?
Adonis: (peeved) No. HIM!
[Adonis points at Alice]
Alice: I'm a girl, dimwit!
Adonis: (irritated) Not you! I mean HIM!
Goth Prince: How is it my fault?
Adonis: (making a scene) NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! I MEANT HIM! THE DORK WHO WAS IN MY CLASS AND WAS CRINGING MY GIRLFRIENDS!
[Silence surrounds the entire landscape until Dave breaks it]
Dave: So, it's my fault?
[Adonis, beyond angry, yells in fury and proceeds to punch Tech Wizard again until Lyn appears.]
Lyn: Hi, big brother! I need to talk to you about my day . . .
[Unaware of the upcoming fist, Lyn gets punched in the face. The rest of the student body open the front door and witness Adonis whacking a special needs student out of blood boiling fury. Reacting in horror, several students run to his aid while Adonis confronts Tech Wizard]
Adonis: (arrogant) I see you told the slow kid to use him as your shield! I knew you were a bad influence here!
[Tech Wizard ignores the bully and checks up on Lyn's injuries]
Adonis: Hey! I'm talking to you! Get back here and listen to my outrage!
Tech Wizard: Hey, are you alright?
Lyn: Uhuh. Ow.
Tech Wizard: Hey! No talking. Someone, ice that wound!
Goth Prince: Here, have an ice bag. Press it down gently.
Christina: (worried) Let me check your front. (sees a skinned knee and gasps) Don't worry! I got a first aid kit.
Lyn: Why do you have that with you? Ow.
Zombie Princess: She's transgender. Goths, LGBT, and preppies are the only individuals to carry first aid kits around them. For reasons.
Lyn: Like? Ow.
Aoi: In case things like this happen. Now, this'll sting a bit.
[Aoi puts some rubbing alcohol on the wound as Lyn tries to press the ice pack on their face.]
Tech Wizard: It's okay. Your friends are here now. Try to relax.
Alice: Yeah. Think of something nice in your life.
Lyn: (thinking) Something nice? Mom. My mommy. (smiles)
Marcel: Hey. Is my sibling going to be okay?
Tech Wizard: Depends, do you hang out with Adonis or are you friends with him, in name only?
Marcel: Who's Adonis?
Adonis: ME! YOUR BEST FRIEND FROM THE COOL KIDS!
Marcel: I don't know you, I've just met you, (grits teeth) and what moron punches my BABY SIBLING!
Adonis: I never meant to hit the retard. He was in the way of my sworn enemy.
[Everyone gasps in horror.]
Adonis: What?
Azealia: You cannot use that word on someone like my sibling!
Adonis: But it's the truth.
Aoi: It's insensitive!
Adonis: Then what am I to refer to him as?
Christina: First of all, that's them.
Alice: Secondly, refer to them as autistic.
Adonis: That's a made up word! Finn almighty didn't sacrifice his life to make up words to the retarded!
Alice: Autistic! His shirt even says "I am a sensitive, autistic, non-binary fallen angel. Please no bullying." What do you make of that!?
Adonis: Same thing as I said before, retarded!
Tech Wizard: Lyn is a neurodivergent individual who was beaten up by you for no reason other than anger management issues. Also, how am I your sworn enemy?
Adonis: You are a nerd, you creep on hot girls, you enforce weaklings to be your punching bags, you want to turn cool kids into nerds and you must be stopped before this school becomes a dump!
Blueberry Prince: (offscreen) Hey! Can I ask you a question!?
Adonis: What is it, chump!
Blueberry Prince: Do you believe in your own hype!?
Adonis: I AM THE HYPE!
Mr. Wuxop: What is going on here?
[The teacher finds Adonis confronting Tech Wizard.]
Mr. Wuxop: What seems to be the problem here?
Adonis: This bad kid punched this dude out of a hissy fit.
Mr. Wuxop: Is that so?
Everybody: What?
Alexa: Wait! In terms of context, what's happening here?
Christina: Lyn was beaten by that muscle strain over there and he's pinning the blame on papa.
Bikini babes: What?!
Mr. Wuxop: So! Your first day here and you already caused trouble! As the only adult in this situation, time for me to expel you before you harm even more innocent students.
[Suddenly, Lyn confronts Mr. Wuxop over his statements]
Lyn: My best friend was about to be beaten by this dumb muscle and you want to expel him for bad behavior! ARE YOU INSANE OR JUST BRAINDEAD!
Mr. Wuxop: Watch it you! I'm the teacher and you shall respect me!
Lyn: Well, I'm a nonbinary, autistic fallen angel named Lyn Abadeer!
Mr. Wuxop: Wait? What's your name?
Lyn: Lyn Abadeer!
Marcel: My name is also Marchello "Marcel" Abadeer!
Azealia: And you forgot to mention me, Azealia Abadeer! And we are the Abadeer children. You might have heard of our mom, Marceline Abadeer, Vampire Queen! And she doesn't enjoy people who harm her babies physically or verbally!
[Mr. Wuxop reacts in horror as Adonis just scoffs at the idea]
Adonis: Yeah right! If you guys are really Marceline's children, then why put up with this lame-o! That retard is the reason why the Lich even exists! Right, teacher. Huh?
[Adonis sees Wuxop fleeing the scene and tries to stop him]
Adonis: Hey!? Where are you going?!
Mr. Wuxop: Are you mad!? That boy's autistic and an Abadeer! I can't go to jail, I just got out on parole!
[The teacher flees from the school, leaving Adonis with an awkward situation]
Adonis: Good news, I have saved the school from a criminal!
[Marcel wallops Adonis in the jaw out of frustration. The bell rings signaling class is over. The students disperse and go home after the events inside took place while stomping Adonis out of frustration. Night falls and Adonis still lays on the ground unconscious bemoaning from what happened]
End