My Dearest Twilight,
I read your letter with great concern and even greater sympathy. Your vivid descriptions have painted a harrowing picture of the Wal-Mart public restrooms, a place that, by your account, seems to exist beyond the reach of harmony and order. While I wish I could offer you wisdom or a solution, I must confess... I find myself in a dire predicament of my own.
Twilight, I am writing to you from a truck stop restroom in the middle of nowhere. I do not know how I got here—one moment, I was stopping to stretch my legs on a royal tour, and the next, I was trapped in a place that feels as though it exists outside the known laws of Equestria. The air is thick with an unholy combination of burnt coffee, diesel fumes, and an eldritch scent I can only describe as fried despair.
The state of the facilities is beyond comprehension. The mirrors are so streaked and fogged that I fear they may serve as portals to another dimension, one where cleanliness is but a myth. The automatic hand dryers shriek like the wails of lost souls, yet provide no actual warmth. The floor is a treacherous landscape of wet spots of mysterious origin, none of which seem to correspond with any known liquid. I have witnessed a toilet that flushes with such force that it threatens to consume the user, while another refuses to flush at all, standing as a monument to the failures of modern civilization.
I sought aid from the lone attendant behind the counter, but she merely shrugged and slid a set of keys across the counter—attached, for some reason, to a wrench the size of a battle mace. I have dared not ask what horrors require such a tool to access.
Twilight, I do not know if I will make it out of here unscathed. The sun still rises and sets at my command, yet even my divine light cannot cleanse this place. Perhaps some forces are simply beyond alicorn magic. Perhaps some battles cannot be won.
If I do not return, tell Luna I love her. Tell Equestria to remember me not as a ruler, but as a mare who faced the abyss—and shuddered.
May Harmony guide you, always.
Princess Celestia