To Trixie, the Allegedly Great and Possibly Less Powerful (Given Your Current Incarceration),

I received your letter, and… wow. Just… wow.

Trixie, I have seen you get yourself into some ridiculous situations before, but getting arrested for an armed robbery you didn't even commit, only to be thrown in a cell with Princess Celestia, who is now a fugitive for nuking a Six Flags while being chased by a half-naked stallion? That's a new level of disaster, even for you.

Now, about your legal situation—I am willing to help you. I can pull some legal strings, contact a few lawyers, and bail you out. I genuinely believe you were falsely accused (even though, let's be honest, you've definitely committed minor crimes before). I'll even come pick you up myself.

However… Celestia is another story.

Look, I love my mentor. She has guided me through life, taught me magic, and helped me understand friendship. But Trixie, she nuked a Six Flags. There's only so much I can do to cover for that. Even if it was an accident, it was a really, really big accident. The kind that makes international headlines. The kind that gets your face put on wanted posters. The kind that probably means I can't just walk in there and say, "Hey, can I have my teacher back?"

I'll see what I can do, but Trixie, you might have to accept that you're stuck with Celestia for a while. Try to keep her from spiraling deeper into whatever breakdown she's having. And for the love of Harmony, do NOT let her near any buttons, levers, or launch codes.

Also, while I'm dealing with this ridiculous situation, I need to check in on Luna. Because, Trixie, after reading your letter, I realized that Luna has not responded to my last letter about the cursed McDonald's.

To Princess Luna,

Luna. Are you okay?

You never wrote back. Are you still trapped in the McDonald's?

Please, please tell me you made it out. If you're still in there, I don't know what to do. Do I send help? Do I perform an exorcism? Do I burn the entire McDonald's to the ground and erase all records of its existence?

If you escaped, where are you now? And if you didn't escape… is there still a Luna left to save?

Please write back soon. I'm very, very worried.

Twilight Sparkle