To Esteemed Attorney at Law,
My name is Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, Element of Magic, and, as of today, somepony in desperate need of legal assistance.
I am reaching out regarding a most unfortunate situation involving two detainees currently being held in your correctional facility. The first is Trixie Lulamoon, a traveling magician who has been wrongfully accused of assisting in an armed robbery at a gas station. I assure you, while she may be guilty of minor public nuisances (and possibly some unpaid parking tickets), Trixie is not a criminal mastermind. I would like to arrange for her immediate legal defense and bail so that she can resume her questionable but otherwise harmless career.
However, the second detainee requires… delicate handling.
Princess Celestia—yes, the Princess Celestia—is currently incarcerated as well. I realize this is likely due to the high-profile nature of the Six Flags incident, which, while undeniably catastrophic, was not intentional. Celestia has ruled Equestria peacefully for over a thousand years and has never been a danger to anypony—except, apparently, amusement park patrons. While I understand that national security concerns may be at play here, I implore you to consider a more diplomatic resolution to this issue.
I would appreciate a swift response, as Celestia's mental state seems to be deteriorating rapidly. The last letter I received from Trixie described her as wearing a tattered hayburger wrapper as a cloak and muttering cryptic phrases about "the slap of hooves." This is… concerning.
Please let me know what steps must be taken to secure their release—or, at the very least, Trixie's. If Celestia requires an extended legal battle, I understand, but I would prefer Trixie not remain in prison simply because she had the misfortune of sharing a cell with an international fugitive.
I await your response.
With urgency,
Twilight Sparkle