To Her Highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle,
I must admit, this is not the kind of case I expected to handle when I became a defense attorney. However, given the uniquely high-profile nature of this situation, I will do my best to navigate this legal disaster with the utmost professionalism (and, hopefully, without losing my law license in the process).
Regarding Ms. Trixie Lulamoon:
After reviewing the case files, I believe there is a strong argument for her release. While she was, unfortunately, present at the scene of the crime, there is no concrete evidence linking her to the robbery itself. The only thing working against her is her own suspicious behavior, including but not limited to:
Hiding behind a sunglasses display for an extended period of time
Sweating profusely while holding stolen merchandise (those sunglasses were not paid for, Twilight)
Yelling, and I quote, "Trixie is innocent, you fools!" while being arrested—generally, guilty ponies shout that sort of thing
That being said, I believe we can get her out on bail while we clear her name. The judge assigned to this case has a reputation for being reasonable (and also happens to be a fan of Trixie's magic shows, which may work in our favor). We will, however, need somepony to cover her bail. I assume, given your station, you are willing to do so?
Regarding Princess Celestia:
sigh.
Twilight, I won't sugarcoat this. Celestia is in deep, deep trouble.
We are talking "accidentally committed an act of war" levels of trouble. The Six Flags incident resulted in massive property destruction, an international outcry, and at least one lawsuit from a roller coaster manufacturer. To make matters worse, Celestia fled the scene of the crime, engaged in a high-speed chase, and was apprehended while disguised in a stolen trench coat and gas station sunglasses.
She is, legally speaking, a menace.
That said, she is also a beloved national figure, and I may be able to push for a plea deal—probably something involving community service instead of prison time (assuming we can convince the court that she is no longer a flight risk, which, frankly, seems debatable). However, given the scale of the destruction, this will not be easy.
I will begin the legal process immediately. Please confirm that you are willing to post bail for Trixie, and let me know if you have any arguments—any at all—that can make Celestia seem less like a public threat.
Respectfully,
Fine Print, Esq.
Defense Attorney at Law