The internet was terrifying.
Simply no other conclusion existed. For all of its positive attributes and the benefits it provided to those who largely preferred to live anonymously as he often did, the world wide web possessed more dark corners for depraved activities than the City herself and he was now a firm believe that none posed more insanity than the missed connections page hosted by the equally nefarious .
Suddenly feeling like he had been given the keys to the kingdom of humanity, he found himself endless scrolling through post after post of modern singles' deepest desire expressed in headlines of 140 characters or less.
"We glanced at each other over a moshpit and I felt forever in your eyes" Accelerated but to each their own.
"Big knife, cute smile" That was…concerning.
"Snufalapagous" Grossly misspelled muppet.
"Wrong way Tindr swipe." What was Tindr again?
An alert buzzes on his phone, jolting him out of the trance and he realizes he has wasted he better pat of an hour and is no closer to finding what he seeks. Nadir's name flashes at the top, the messages coming in pinging succession.
Moshpits aren't the strangest thing on craigslist
Knives should be an automatic pass
Why are we even talking about muppets?
Why are you sending me all of these? They're creepy
Why am I responding?
Tindr is a dating app. For a clinical genius, you are grossly behind on the facets of modern relationships.
He sets the phone aside and pushes to his feet, stalking across the kitchen. Pulling a bottle of his favorite white from the wine bar, he pours himself a sizeable glass and allows a decent swallow to slide down his throat before setting the glass aside.
What is he even doing? He's acting like a damn fool over a girl he's seen once and he can't be sure she even remembers him.
He isn't even sure he wants her too.
But the more she tries to forget her, the deeper she burrows into his subconscious. He realizes that at the heart of it, he really is no different from the lonely souls on that website. Aren't they only searching for those they found to be unforgettable…..however….odd their circumstances might have been? Can he really claim to be any more noble or different than they are?
His phone buzzes again. Erik, it's almost midnight and you're spiraling. Go to bed.
He silently curses Nadir and his frightening ability to seemingly read his mind, even miles away. He stares at the screen for a moment and then taps out a reply. Am I doing the right thing?
Nadir's reply comes alarmingly fast. I never told you to do it in the first place! But we both know you're going to anyway. Just…make it genuine and try not to be creepy.
His scoff is audible. Elegantly intense is not 'creepy' I simply wish to let her know I found her utterly captivating in a glance across the subway car and absolutely need to see her again.
N: Read that again. Slowly. Out loud.
E: Bugger off
Setting the phone aside, he mulls it over again and begins to type before he can question it fingers fly across the keyboard, delicately balancing admiration with normalcy until he is tentatively happy with the results.
His cat chooses that moment to leap on the counter next to him, granting him a brief head bump before nudging his hand in search of a treat. "What do you say, my love," he purrs, long fingers stroking her fluffy chin. "Will this suffice?"
A meow is the only response he receives and he chuckles despite himself. "I know. What are human affairs to one as grand as yourself?" He turns and retrieves a treat, which the cat gobbles down before butting against his hand again. He obligies, even as he reads his post a final time.
"To the radiant brunette with the violin on the wrong-way train…"
While far from his best work, it will have to do for the moment. The cat meows again and he pulls her closer, stroking her back as he reaches fro the wine glass. "To serendipity. May she be in our favor. Now in the meantime…" A villainous smirk curls his lips as he scrolls back to the top of the page, eyes landing on the post featuring the depraved muppet. "What do you say we teach Uncle Nadir a lesson?"
I planned to have this up before the holidays, but life got in the way (as it does...). I hope you all had a fabulous holiday and new year and I hope to get back to semi-regular updates with this. As always, thank you for reading and ACTUAL reviews are welcome and much appreciated! Unless it's a PM trying to "collaborate." The answer is 'no'. Please don't waste either of our times.