To Twilight Sparkle,
Twilight… WHAT IN CELESTIA'S NAME WAS THAT?!
I assume you saw the same absolute catastrophe I did—the live broadcast where our once-glorious former ruler, in real time, crumbled into a screaming, table-flipping, conspiracy-raving disaster!
Twilight, ponies were watching that in the bar I was investigating! I was ordering a drink and asking around about weird warehouse activity when suddenly—BOOM! Celestia's face pops up on the screen, looking like she hasn't slept in a month, and I think, Oh, okay, she looks rough, but maybe she's going to say something reasonable?
No. NO, Twilight. That was not what happened.
Instead, I had to witness an entire room of ponies slowly descend into abject horror as Equestria's beloved Princess of the Sun went from calm and remorseful to unhinged doomsayer in less than a minute. Twilight, a grown stallion started crying into his cider. Another mare fainted. The bartender immediately began drinking straight from the bottle.
Ponies are panicking, Twilight. Panicking. The streets were already buzzing when I left. I passed a group of ponies setting up an "Equestria Has Fallen" protest march. Somepony else was screaming about "the cosmic thong prophecy." I heard a foal ask his mother if the sun was going to explode.
WHAT. DO. WE. DO.
Also, regarding Princess Luna, my investigation continues. I followed a lead from a former warehouse worker (who seemed... shaken, to say the least). He said he used to work at the Costco that doesn't exist. When I asked him what that meant, he just stared at me. Then he muttered something about aisles that never end and "the corndogs that watch." I tried pressing him for more, but he started shaking and sprinted away mid-conversation.
…Twilight, I think he wasn't lying.
I'm still digging, but I think Luna is deep in this. I'll send another update once I have something concrete.
And Twilight?
Fix Celestia.
Ponies are already losing faith, and I'm not convinced the Thong Hoofstallion isn't real anymore.
Trixie Lulamoon
(Investigator, Eyewitness to National Collapse, Very Unsettled)