A/N: Thank you to those of you continuing to leave your comments- I'm trying to make sure I've replied to them all. I appreciate all the love this story is getting. This is my first real crack at anything very sexual in nature and I'm super self-conscious about it so I'm curious what your thoughts are!

"Come back, Mrs. Norris!" Argus shouted, throwing down his mop and running after the cat who had taken off with the copy of the Quibbler he had found in the fifth year Hufflepuff dorm. She was going to tear it apart, and as much as he hated to admit it, Filch enjoyed reading the silly magic magazine. Some of the things in the Quibbler seemed so outlandish that it made him feel slightly better that he was not a wizard- they weren't all above him. Whoever the people were that wrote the Quibbler seemed like dunderheads.

Argus took his time looking for Mrs. Norris. She was fast, and there was no way he would ever catch up to her. Without students in the building, it was easier to spot her and it meant less students trying to bother her. She would come back for dinner. The more important thing to Argus was getting back his copy of the magazine.

"Severus!" The sound of the Deputy Headmistress's voice perked Argus's attention. He turned the corner by the castle's main doors and saw that Snape had McGonagall pressed up against the wall beside the doors. As much as Argus couldn't stand the snobbish witch, his fists instinctively clenched, ready to fight Snape off her even if he would inevitably lose against the wizard.

Uncharacteristic giggling came from the same woman, and Argus immediately sunk back around the corner, not wanting to give himself away. They were...well…she certainly isn't in trouble, he thought to himself. "Who's watching, Min?" Snape kissed her on the mouth, his body completely pressed up against her. Argus had to cover his mouth as not to gasp. Snape and McGonagall? "Irma buried in her books?" The way his head was moving, it was clear Snape was tracing her neck with his tongue. McGonagall's head went back against the wall, eyes closed in pleasure. "Poppy while she's away at her niece's?" Snape let his top robes fall off his shoulders, left dressed in a plain dress shirt and pants. "I've missed you," he said so quietly Argus almost couldn't make it out. His voice was so different than when he normally spoke.

McGonagall didn't say anything; she simply looked at him with the same level of surprise the caretaker was feeling hearing the words. She wrapped her arms around his neck, cupping his chin with her hand, forcing him to look at her. She was smiling. She's not as bad when she smiles, he thought to himself. "I thought we weren't going to pick up like two passionate lovers when I returned?" she asked, her smile still tugging at the corner of her lips.

Filch saw Snape's hands move to the tightly buttoned blouse she was wearing. Slowly, he unbuttoned it, beginning first with the button so high up on her neck it looked like it was choking her. "I suppose I've changed my mind." He continued to slowly unbutton her blouse, one button at a time, slow and painstaking. McGonagall didn't push him away or protest. As Snape opened her blouse, her breasts fit snugly in a red bra were revealed. For a woman her age, she was still surprisingly firm aside from the few wrinkles he could see from his hiding place around the corner. Her bra pushed her breasts up, making her bigger than Argus would have imagined. As Snape lowered his lips to her cleavage, he muttered something Argus couldn't make out. Suddenly, Minerva let out a hiss as his mouth disappeared into her bra.

"Severus," she hissed, her hands falling to grab his arse. "We are still in a school." The way she struggled to sound her normal firm self made it obvious she was enjoying it. A smile quickly passed across his mouth as he stood straight to look at her, running his hands down her waist. The woman who always intimidated the caretaker suddenly looked small in the Potion's master's arms.

"The students aren't here."

"Can't we at least take this to my rooms?"

"Hm. Too old for a quick fuck?" he asked, his hands visibly tight around her waist. "We could move this to the bedroom, it might be a little more suitable for someone your age." His tone was playful, and the fact that Minerva didn't slap him across the face made Argus assume she knew his humor

The question seemed to spark something in her for McGonagall grabbed his collar and pulled him towards her. "Don't comment on my age again." Her voice was low, and Argus watched, more carefully than he knew he ought to be, as she ran her hand over the front of his pants. "I assure you I am quite capable of a quick fuck as you so gently put it." The word 'fuck' coming from the normally tight-lipped professor was a shock.

"Every time I comment on your age it seems to end up with you proving me wrong, so I intend to continue as long as it produces such satisfying results."

His hands reached up and pulled her pins out of her hair. As it came tumbling down onto her shoulders, Argus raised an eyebrow. She's rather pretty, he thought to himself. He was thankful nobody would ever know how much he was enjoying watching the prudish witch come undone. It was almost sexy. He could understand what the young man saw. From the little he could see of Snape's face, he looked satisfied- the same smirk he had when he issued a punishment to a particularly annoying student. Snape was the only one who ever saw eye to eye with him on a lot of punishment related things. He had grown to like the former Death Eater well enough.

The sound of a belt unclipping brought his attention back to the professors in front of him. Snape suddenly slammed McGonagall harder against the wall. His mouth had moved to capture hers and her hands had disappeared. "Merlin, Min," he growled, his hands lifting her skirts just enough that Argus couldn't see any more of her but was enough for him to do what he wanted with her. A satisfied groan and ragged breathing confirmed Argus's suspicions of what was to come next.

Trying to control his own body's response to the scene before him, Argus looked away from the scene, catching a breath he didn't realize he was holding in. He was sweating himself. Walking away to leave the lovers truly alone, he was careful not to make any noise. Watching them had been wrong; he knew it was wrong. But, he didn't care. Besides, who knew when he would need a little something to use against either of them? Both Snape and McGonagall were uptight and tight lipped. If it got out that they were fucking, let alone fucking in the middle of the castle, they'd be humiliated.

As Argus made his way back to his office in hopes Mrs. Norris had came back, he couldn't shake the thought of Snape and McGonagall out of his mind. Maybe a good fuck will pull the stick out of her ass just a little, he thought. And the boy deserves a little activity now and then. And the old woman doesn't look half bad and she seems to have a good deal of stamina left in her.

The door to his office was cracked open and peering in, he saw Mrs. Norris seated on his desk, the copy of the Quibbler she had taken in shreds on his desk. He rolled his eyes. He should have known better than to let her near the items he confiscated. She had always had a habit of getting into things.

Sinking down into his chair, his walls cluttered with old detention slips, he looked around the room and sighed. "If that old hag can get some, I have to put myself back out there," he said to Mrs. Norris. The cat didn't look at him, continuing to shred the pieces of magazine left intact. He made no move to recover any of them. "I think this summer I'm going to spend some time in London. I could use a few one-night stands if I'm going to last one more year in this damned place."