Warboss Kanny's Musings on the Mechanics of the WAAAGH!
I'm sure you've heard of the WAAAGH! (it's actually spelled like that, three 'a's, capital letters, exclamation point and all). You've at least heard it in the literal sense if you've ever had the misfortune of having to face any force of Orks, and anyone who knows a thing about them knows about the WAAAGH! as a psychic phenomena that develops whenever large groups of Orks gather, and it's unusual effect upon baseline reality. You see, the WAAAGH! takes the beliefs of the Orks who make it up and makes those beliefs real. To give an example, if one of two otherwise-identical vehicles is painted red, and a nearby army of Orks believes that "DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA", then the vehicle that is painted red will literally move faster than the one that is not painted red.
What you probably didn't know is that the WAAAGH! can also affect objects on a less literal level. A Shoota that is painted red, for example, will 'go fasta' as well, which is to say that it will have a faster fire rate and be quicker on the draw. The same is true of ork boyz who wear red armor; they will have quicker reaction times and be able to cover more ground in a shorter amount of time.
Some of you are likely wondering why any of this really matters. A legitimate question, which I will respond to with another.
Who wants to take a guess what color my chainsword-esque choppa is painted?
The Chaos Space Marine, or as my fellow orks would call it, the 'Spiky Boy' in front of me roars in fury as my choppa neatly slices him in half, the sawteeth of my choppa tearing through ceramite and flesh with equal efficiency.
"Ya boyz know da drill. Hit hard, hit fast, an' leave no survivors." I sub-vocalize into my com-bead. "Advance, an' give im hell."
"Gotcha, boss! WAAAGH!" And with that, the thousands-strong army of Kommandos at my back burst out of cover, and promptly prove that yes, the Adeptus Astartes can, in fact, know fear, at least if they've fallen to Chaos. At least if the way about a fourth of the Chaos Space Marines in the encampment up ahead are running in little circles, waving their arms, and shrieking like a bunch of terrified Human girls is any indication.
Say what you want about my boyz; for what they lack in intelligence and sophistication, they more than compensate for in enthusiasm... and by extension, additional intimidation value.
AN: Just a short omake featuring Ciaphas Cain as an Ork Warboss. I chose to name this version of Cain 'Kanny' to both give him a more orkish name and hint at his heightened intelligence in comparison to most orks, and to a lesser extent the Kommandos under his command.
And as for the Chaos Space Marines making that one parody of the Litany of Command a reality... well, an army of ork Kommandos is terrifying enough. And an army that's as organized, competent, and efficient as an Imperial Guard regiment thanks to Kanny's leadership? Can you blame those Chaos Space Marines for botching their Morale roll so bad all their battle training goes flying right out the window? Because I sure can't!