Chapter 16: Nothing Left

After the fit had ended Leti was left panting and sore as if she had run several miles nonstop. Her limbs felt like putty and she was quickly whisked out of her room, down the hallway, and into a large room where they lifted her off of her bed and onto an operating table. She was barely able to see her parents following close behind, yelling words of reassurance at her, but she could barely comprehend them and couldn't find the energy to call back to them. She was left there for a few minutes confused, scared and alone until a group of doctors came in wearing masks and gloves, speaking soothing words to her.

"It's alright, Leticia." One of the doctors said. Dr. Fierro, she recalled fuzzily. "We're going to see what's wrong with you, okay niña? You just relax, we're going to take off your gown, okay?"

She should have been used to this by now, but she still curled in on herself in shame and embarrassment as she was stripped of her hospital gown and left naked on the table, too weak to even try to resist. She shivered as a cool breeze wafted over her as the doctors moved around her and her flesh erupted in goosebumps. A whine managed to creak out of her throat as she watched them and one of the nurses rubbed her with warm, gloved hands.

"Alright, you're going to feel something wet and cold on your back now." Dr. Fierro said. Despite the warning Leti still gasped and flinched away as a freezing cold sponge was spread all around her lower back and her shivering only intensified. The only comfort she felt were the warm hands on her shoulders holding her still, but they soon left her and all she felt was coldness.

That's when she saw it.

One of the nurses rolled a tray over holding what had to be the biggest needle Leti had ever seen in her life. It looked to be almost the length of a pencil and it was thicker than any normal needle. Slowly things started to click together in Leti's mottled mind. By the smell alone she could tell that the doctor had spread iodine on her back, and iodine was always used before they gave her those horrid IVs. That would mean…

Leti started to pant with fright as the hands were back on her and forcing her head down to her knees so that she was in a curled shape. When she heard Dr. Fierro say that she would feel a pinch in her back, that was when she finally found her voice.

"NOOOO!" she started to scream as loudly as she could, her outburst causing all the doctors to jump away, including Dr. Fierro with the lumbar needle. She screamed again and again, her terror on full display. "PAPÁ! PAPÁ, HELP ME! PLEASE, PAPÁ!"

At the sound of her first scream Héctor reached for the locked door and tried to wrench it off of its hinges, snarling at the orderlies who tried to pull him back. "Let me in! Can't you see she needs me?! Let me in there right now!"

"Let us both in!" Imelda said as she fought against them as well with angry tears streaming down her face.

"Señor Rivera, please!" a timid nurse begged, near tears herself. "It is a sterile environment! You can't go in there!"

"Then sterilize us!" Héctor roared at the poor women before shouting to the other doctors in the room. "Do whatever you need to make us clean, but don't touch our daughter without us in there! You hear me Fierro?!"

Dr. Fierro looked down at the hysterically crying little girl and then back at the door, where he could see her father's wild desperation through the window. He let out a sigh and nodded. "Scrub Señor y Señora Rivera up. Maybe they will be able to calm their daughter down if they're in here with her."

Héctor and Imelda were scrubbed with harsh lye soap all over their arms and faces, rinsed off, and given smocks, gloves, masks, and caps to put on. Once they were suited up and given the okay to enter the operating room, they immediately headed to their daughter, still curled up and trembling as she sobbed in fear. Imelda knelt down to her level to look her in the eyes.

"Leti, mija. It's Mamá. Look at me, cielita." Imelda whispered as she ran her fingers across her daughter's face. Leti squinted her eyes open, her vision clouded with tears as she continued to cry. "Cálmese, angelita. It's alright. I'm here, so is Papá."

"Please Mamá…" Leti mumbled, her words slurring together. "Don't let them do it! Not there! I don't wanna…" Her sentence dissolved into sobs again as tears ran down her cheeks, too exhausted to say anything else. Imelda looked up at Héctor in despair and at a loss of what to do, so Héctor bent down to look at Leti.

"Mija, it's okay. It's okay." Héctor said softly. "I promise you it won't take long. You just need to relax and it'll be over quick, I promise. Shhh, shhh." He shushed Leti as he ran a gloved hand over her hair. "It's okay, mi amor."

"Scared…" Leti moaned out as a few tears leaked out of her eyes.

"I know, I know. But we're here with you, you are not alone." Héctor said in a trembling voice. "I'll hold your head still, okay? My hands will be on you the whole time. And I'll sing your special song, the one just for you, okay? You just look into your Mamá's eyes and listen to the music. We're both here."

Héctor rose up and went behind Leti as he placed his hands on her head, forcing it down again to provide the curled position. Leti whimpered and started to pant again, so Héctor started to sing in a gentle tenor:

Leti-ti-ti-ti-ticia,

With flowers in her hair

Where are you off to in such a hurry

And can you take me there?

Héctor felt Leti start to relax under his grasp, so he nodded to the doctor. When the needle was pointed at Leti's back Héctor averted his eyes and continued.

The sun is high, let's take a break

While sitting in the shade

So I can sing with you, Leticia

The girl with flowered braids

He could tell when the needle finally entered by the sound Leti made. A pained, guttural sound that caused tears to spring up and spill over Héctor's face. Imelda was crying by now too as she spoke calming words to their daughter, who continued to pant and moan in pain.

Time flies by, without a care

But you don't seem to mind

You take the good that comes to you

And you always pay in kind.

"Stay still, mija." Imelda whispered to Leti as the child continued to grunt and moan. The needle withdrew the spinal fluid into the vial connected to it slowly, too slowly in Héctor's opinion. Hurry up! He thought viciously as he finished the song.

The stars are out, it's time to go

But I can't seem to care

'Cus I spent the day with you, Leticia

With flowers in your hair…

Dr. Fierro slowly withdrew the needle from Leti's back and screwed off the vial before giving it to the waiting nurse. "Get this to the laboratory, quickly!" he said. The nurse nodded and left the room.

"It's over, Leti!" Héctor said as he rubbed her shoulders. "You did great! Great job, mija!"

"Nnn…" Leti moaned as she peered up at Héctor with blurry eyes. "Head… hurts…"

"That's normal, Señor Rivera." Dr. Fierro said as he placed a bandage on Leti's lower back. "Spinal fluid bathes the brain, so when you take some of it out it can cause headaches. We'll give her something for the pain when we get her back to her room. We should have the results in a few hours."

Leti continued to moan in increasing volume as she was wheeled back to her room, weakly rocking her head back and forth in pain. By the time they were settled in she was sobbing again because of the pain. The nurse gently gave her a shot of morphine and she didn't even fuss over that, too lost in her own agony. Finally the medicine took effect and Leti finally drifted off into an exhausted, dreamless sleep as her parents clung to each other, trembling and crying.

It was hours before Leti finally managed to claw her way back to consciousness and was greeted by her Mamá running her fingers through her hair and smiling down at her sweetly. Leti didn't bother smiling back but instead closed her eyes and leaned into her mother's touch with a soft moan. She could tell by the slight pinch in her arm that the IVs were back in, but instead of that awful medicine it was just plain saline and blood. Good, she didn't want whatever happened to her before to come back and she knew that medicine was the culprit.

"Mamá…" Leti sighed as she opened her eyes again.

"Oh, cielita!" Imelda cooed as she kissed Leti on the forehead. "I'm so glad you're alright!"

"Not… alright." Leti mumbled out as she turned away from her mother to glance out the window. "I'm… not going to go home… for Los Posadas… am I?... I ruined everything."

"Don't worry about that, Leti!" Imelda shushed her daughter and smoothed her hair back some more. "We'll make up for all the time you've missed when we get home. We'll have a big party, and we'll invite all of your friends-"

"NO!" Leti shouted and wrenched away from Imelda's hand. "I'm not goin' home… P-Papá won't let me!" Tears started to pour down her cheeks as she shook with anger, her words slurring as she cried. "Said I can't go home…'Til I'm all better! But I w-w-won't get better! Not ever! All my friends are d-dead! I'll be dead too!" She slumped back before curling in as much as she could, the pain in her back and the pull of the IVS preventing her from doing too much. "Wanna see Coco… My tios… M-Matty… I just wanna go back home! W-wanna go home. Please… I wanna go home…"

Whatever words she spoke next were jumbled together as she cried weakly on the bed, curled away from her mother. When Imelda reached for her she jerked away, so she just let the little girl cry herself back into a fitful sleep as she continued to sniffle and hiccup. Once she was certain that she was asleep, Imelda stood up and walked out of the room, white-faced and trembling as she hugged herself and sighed. She stood slumped against the wall for a while, not noticing how much time had passed, before she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder. It was Héctor.

"Imelda." Héctor said. "The results for the spinal tap came in."

The shock hit both of them in different ways. For Imelda, it was as if the last lifeline had been cut and she was let to drift out to sea to her fate. She lowered her head and sighed shakily before dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. For Héctor it was as if a bomb had gone off inside of him. He shot up from his seat to pace the room, panting with rage, and finally exploded.

"What do you mean it's spread?!" he roared as he lunged over the desk.

Dr. Fierro flinched back a little but still held a firm countenance. "The abnormal white blood cells have spread into Leti's spinal fluid. That means that the cancer has reached the brain, and when that happens then there's nothing more we can do."

"So all those treatments, all that suffering, all that pain was for nothing?!" Héctor asked incredulously. "I trusted you to make my daughter healthy again. You only made her worse!"

"Señor Rivera, you and every other parent were made aware of the fact that these were trials." Dr. Fierro stressed. "We are doing are best to try to help everyone afflicted with this terrible disease. Unfortunately that means trial and error must occur in order to find a cure."

"Trial and error?!" Héctor shouted. "I'd say this treatment plan is full of errors! And my daughter had to pay the price! I should have you and all those other quacks thrown in jail for the tortures you've made these children endure, and sue this hospital for every centavo it has! But first I need to get Leti out of this hellhole! I never should have brought her here in the first place…" Héctor shook his head while pulling at his hair. "I'll take her to America. Maybe California. New York if I have to!"

"Señor Rivera," Dr. Fierro said sternly, "I can assure you that if you take Leticia out of the country then she won't survive the trip!"

The doctor's words felt like a punch to Héctor's gut as he gasped and paled at the thought. He shook it away though. "We have to risk it! There's must be somewhere we can take her!"

"We can take her home." Imelda said softly.

Héctor stopped his pacing and looked at her, and as what she had just said slowly registered into his head he looked at her like she was insane. "Home? What are-… What are you saying? They can't treat her there, Dr. Alviso said so! She'll die!"

Imelda tucked her handkerchief back into her pocket as she stood up and straightened her skirts, with her head held high. "Yes, she will. All the more reason for us to go home so she can die amongst family."

Héctor shook his head. "No… No no no no no! No, we are not just going to give up! That's not what we do Imelda! We can't give up on our daughter, not when there could be a chance-"

"There is no chance, Héctor!" Imelda cried out. "You heard him! It's in her brain! It's over, there's nothing left for us to do!"

Héctor's face twisted in a rage and he felt a fury that he had never felt before aimed at his wife. "I don't believe this!" he hissed. "How could you say that?! You are condemning our child to death!"

"She was doomed the moment those bruises first appeared, Héctor! There is no cure for it, it is a death sentence! We've held on to nothing but false hope for months and it has caused our daughter nothing but pain, misery and humiliation!" Imelda glared at her husband. "I refuse to let her endure any more torment, especially if it's by your own stubbornness!"

"SHUT UP!" Héctor roared as he raised his hand back to strike. Imelda shrunk back and held up her arms in self-defense while Dr. Fierro leapt up from his chair in alarm. However there was no need. Sense flooded back to Héctor the moment he felt his hand curl into a fist, and horror washed over him in an icy wave. He stumbled back into the wall and slid down it as he stared off into some unseen distance. "N-no… No no no…"

Imelda lowered her arms and looked down at her distressed husband in sadness. She slowly walked towards him, knelt down, and took his face in her hands as she gently lifted it to meet hers. His watery eyes refused to look at her though, and she sighed before kissing his forehead.

"Héctor, mi amor." She whispered. "Our baby is sick. Our baby is scared. Our baby is sad. But more than anything, our baby just wants to go home. She is dying, and nothing is going to change that… But when she does, I can think of no b-better way of going… Than in the bed she was born in… Surrounded by her family… Safe and warm… In her father's arms… As he sings to her."

The dam around Héctor's heart finally broke, and all of the months of stress, worry and grief came pouring out into heartbreaking wail as Héctor collapsed against Imelda and sobbed loudly into her shoulder. Imelda clung to him as sobs wracked his body, her own tears falling into his hair as she cried with him. Dr. Fierro sat back down in sadness as he watched the two grief stricken parents cry until their voices grew harsh and there were no more tears to shed. When they finally stopped crying, Imelda kissed Héctor on his trembling lips tenderly and wiped the tears from his cheeks as well as her own.

Héctor wobbled slightly as he finally stood up, looking at the doctor with swollen red eyes. "I'm s-sorry for what I said… I know you did everything you c-could have done… But we will be taking our daughter home now."

"Sí, Señor Rivera. I'll send you off with some morphine to give Leticia some comfort on the train ride home." Dr. Fierro bowed his head sadly. "I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way we wanted."

"So am I." Héctor said bitterly as he let Imelda take him by the arm and lead him out of the office.

Héctor and Imelda walked down the hallway towards Leti's room as if in a trance. Héctor looked over at his wife, and when their eyes met Héctor's was full of guilt and apology. He was so ashamed of what he had almost done to the love of his life. Imelda simply placed her hand over Héctor's heart and softened her gaze at him. There was no need for any apologies. It was over and they could move on and begin to heal.

They walked into Leti's room to find her still curled away from the door and in a restless sleep. Héctor went over to the side of the bed to face her and placed his hand on his baby's face as he stroked her cheek. When Leti's eyes fluttered open he gave her a big smile with his eyes full of love, trying to hold back any more tears. "Hola, mija." Leti watched him with guarded eyes as she blinked at him, but didn't say anything. He looked out the window and huffed out a forced laugh. "It's a beautiful day, isn't it? It's a shame to be wasting it in this dreary old hospital." He glanced slyly back down at Leti. "I bet it's even more beautiful back in Santa Cecilia, though."

Leti's face softened and her eyes grew big, the corner of her mouth gently twitching upward. "Papá?"

Héctor grinned and gently cuffed her chin. "What do you say we hop on the first train outta here and go home? Just in time for Los Posadas! I'll even let you go first for the piñata this time, beat Coco to the punch!"

If she had any energy Leti would have leapt into her father's arms and let out an exhilarated grito. Instead she weakly held open her arms as tears sprang to her eyes. Héctor lifted Leti up into a sitting position and wrapped her in a warm hug, with Imelda coming in from the other side of the bed to join it. Past all the sickly hospitals smells Héctor and Imelda were still able to breathe in the scent that would always remind them of Leticia: Clean skin, lilac shampoo, and strawberries.