Percy's face morphed into an expression of startlement, his eyes bugging out and mouth parting. His heart gave a leap, the gasp that was in the back of his throat became stuck. It was when he recovered, seeing that there was no threat in front of him, that he shot his dorm mate a heated glare, trying to push down the flush that took over his face. "I would appreciate it if you did not do that," he said stiffly.
He'd just finished relieving himself in the loo. Standing just outside the door without making any noise whatsoever that would have altered Percy to his presence, was Wood. He had the decency to look sheepish. Some part of him was able to acknowledge his wrong doing, astonishingly enough. "Heh. Sorry about that."
Percy attributed Wood's odd behavior to merely needing to use the loo, that once he stepped aside then his dorm mate would go in and that would be the end of it. Naturally, that was not the case, as it turned out. His body pivoted in the direction that Percy went, which was back to his bed. It was strange, downright creepy to feel Wood's eyes boring into his back like that. Was it necessary? He thought not.
Percy spun around, making eye contact.
Wood's face froze, like he'd been caught staring which wasn't technically accurate, since Percy already knew he was doing. But Wood hadn't known that. Through all of that, he assumed he was being stealthy about it.
Stealthy was not a word to describe Wood.
"What?" his dorm mate blurted out.
Shouldn't I be asking you that?
You're the one staring
"Nothing," Percy gave up.
"You sure?" Wood persisted. "Because you can ask me, if you want."
I just wanted to know why you were staring
"It's nothing," Percy was back on his bed, feet tucked underneath of him again. He hadn't changed out of his pajamas, not having the energy to do so. Getting up to relieve himself had been a chore in itself.
Wood didn't press any further. "Did you finish that essay for potions or the one for defense? I haven't," he made a face, not pleased with the amount of work ahead for him. The essays that were required for Professor Snape's class were especially brutal.
Percy tensed. He hadn't touched the piles of parchment papers in his school bag that had been assigned for homework. Even before the incident, just knowing all of those unfinished things he had to do stressed him out terribly. He knew he had to do them, it was just...
Was it even worth it?
It didn't feel like it was. What's the point? That inner voice of his would taunt, causing him to pause in his writing. You're going to fail anyway. You know Snape is the toughest professor and you think you'll get away with that? What are you thinking?
Or when he was practicing a transfiguration spell, trying to ensure he understood the precise application of using the spell. You really believe that's good enough, don't you? Professor McGonagall expects more of you. You're supposed to be smarter than this. You're supposed to be an example; now you won't be any better than the rest of them.
He could very nearly hear the sneer.
"Yoohoo," Wood waved a hand, moving his head around in front of his face. "Percy, you there?"
"Sorry," Percy murmured.
"No need to to be sorry," Wood frowned. "I zone out a lot, too. Should see me in McGonagall's class. She gets a bit peeved 'bout that." His feeble joke fell through, with Percy neither smiling nor chuckling. He blew out a puff of air from his lips.
Look at what you caused
Good going
This is why you have no friends
People just can't tolerate you
"You hungry?" Wood asked again. They just had to trail back to that subject. It was lunch time now and the noise that they'd heard coming from the common room was nonexistent; everyone had gone down to the Great Hall.
Remember how everyone laughed at you last night
They're just going to do it again
And again
And again
"They're serving bangers and mash, last I heard. Really good, too. Dunno how the elves do it but it's way better than my mum. Course, she can't know that."
"No," Percy said, quietly. "No, I'm not hungry."
"You can't keep skipping meals, you know."
"I didn't skip breakfast," Percy said.
Because you insisted on otherwise
From what Wood was aware, Percy had eaten everything. In actuality, he took a bite or two and flushed the remains down the loo, hiding it in his hand long enough to get past his dorm mate. And yes, he did know that his actions were similar to that of a child determined to ditch their food. But no, he didn't care. He'd do it again if he wanted to.
"Come off it," Wood said, but it was without any annoyance. "I know you took it to the loo with ya."
What?
Percy was visibly startled.
He must have just been playing. That's all. Merely trying to get Percy to confess. He couldn't have known.
"How-"
"It's the oldest trick in the book," Wood shrugged. "Did it to my mum, too. Fred and George probably did, too. I could see it."
Percy's face burned at being caught. Like a child, he felt himself being mocked. You're supposed to be almost of age, yet you seem to enjoy reverting back to a five year old. That's why you aren't taken seriously, you know. No one takes a child seriously. Even if you've a badge with you. "I-" he fumbled with his words.
"I'm not mad if that's you're thinkin'," Wood said, quietly. "Suppose it ain't my place to say-" It isn't. "-but you can't keep doing this to yourself. You'll wear yourself out and you know how Madam Pomfrey gets-" That wasn't true. Percy mostly stayed out of the hospital wing. He didn't sustain injuries because he didn't go riding around on a broom and he wasn't one to get sick often. Wood backtracked. "Okay, well, maybe not. But she's a wee bit cranky if she thinks you shouldn't be there. She yelled at me once; completely lost it because I went out flying early. That was back in first year. Do you remember that? Didn't do nothin' wrong, just took one of the brooms from the shed and rode it. Course, I broke my wrist when I took a turn wrong and crashed. But that's all I did! She didn't have to lose it like that."
Was that story supposed to be Wood's way of cheering him up? Well, it didn't. Percy didn't like it, the distinct feeling he was being mocked. He got enough of that already, especially from his own family. He didn't need it coming from Wood as well.
Surprisingly enough, something seemed to click within Wood's mind, as if he could read Percy's thoughts regarding the subject and switched to something else. So now, instead of discussing his eating habits, or lack thereof, really, his dorm mate was coming up with something else to talk about. Splendid. Not to mention, he was tapping his fingers incessantly, of course on the part of the bed where it would make noise. It was a constant rhythm.
Tap, tap, tap
He wished it would stop.
Tap, tap, tap
Tap, tap, tap
"...So what do you think?" Wood finished saying, his gaze on Percy. Waiting for an answer to the question he'd just asked but Percy had completely missed it, lost in his own thoughts.
"What?" It came out as a half snap, half squeak.
It sounded pathetic to his ears. No doubt the same way to Wood's.
He's probably regretting getting you for a dorm mate
He wishes he could have someone normal
Someone that's like everyone else
Someone that isn't you
Wood wasn't crossed for having to repeat himself. Percy was starting to despise that kind, pleasant tone his dormmate used. It felt incredibly condescending. He wasn't a child. Nor was he a wild animal that could've gone berserk at any moment. Wood didn't need to treat him like that. He wasn't...he was okay.
Are you?
Are you really okay?
If you were really okay, you wouldn't have tried doing that would you?
"I said, we should do our homework together," Wood suggested. Percy stared, unable to come up with a solid reason as to why his dorm mate had come up with the idea in the first place. He came up with nothing. "If you want, of course. Won't make you. Just thought since we both have work, we could do it together and get it done. I'm not very good at potions. I hear you're decent, though."
Tap, tap, tap
Ah. Now it made sense. Wood wanted his shot at a good grade. Percy was the most easily accessible way, being that they lived together. He tried to disregard the sting he felt, telling himself it was silly to be that way. They only see you as a way to help themselves. All of them. They don;t care about you. You're just the pile of brains they can use to make themselves better while you're tossed to the side soon after. You should be used to it by now.
Tap, tap, tap
For no reason, Percy flinched. Wood might as well have flicked his wand and said lumos to shone it on Percy's school bag. Did he know? Was this all simply a sick game? The pressure... it was mounting. His thoughts were rampant, cruelly reminding him that if he didn't get it done, he would fail. He'd fail and right now the faces of his professors, of how disappointed they would be were vivid. His grades would steadily drop until he had no other option but to drop out; with that, they'd take his wand and-
Tap, tap, tap
"Stop that!" Percy shrieked. Wood jumped, almost falling off the bed.
"Wha-"
"Stop it! I can't take that anymore!"
"What?" Wood was clueless. "What did I do?"
"That tapping!" It dawned on Percy how loud he'd been, how foolish he was. Wood blinked, his eyes lowering. He was so unsure, a bit confused. Percy saw his dormmate glance in the direction of the door. Was he thinking about telling on him? Oh, merlin. Merlin, no.
"I'm sorry," he rasped out in pure fear. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-I just..."
"S'okay," Wood said, realigning himself back on the bed. That look, that small smile like what Percy had just done was perfectly normal. "Don't worry about it. Suppose it was a bit annoying. My mum says I do that sometimes, not thinking about other people. I'll try to keep it down, alright?"
He thinks you're a nutter
He's not wrong, either
How does that make you feel?
Good, I bet
Percy didn't step outside of his dorm the rest of the day.
Not to grab some food. Not to get any fresh air. Not even to attend the meeting the Prefects and Heads were having shortly before supper. He couldn't bear to. Ivan's words were still fresh, fatally pointed. There was no way he was going to show his face to any of them. And last night! No, absolutely not, He refused to put himself through it.
At some point, there was commotion coming downstairs from the common room. It was difficult to discern if the noise was due to excitement or something that needed to be taken care of. Percy didn't hop up to his feet, Head-Boy badge pinned to his clothes and go down there; he stayed put, sinking further in the bed. He assumed Wood would have gone down to see, said bloke seemed to be considering it himself, but he thought better of it-evidently. Strange, Wood was what most like to say the life of the party. He could be found in the middle of it or the cause of it.
So why was he still there now?
Dinner came and went. The hours were trickling by slowly. The days were far longer without classes in between to go to. Wood left, presumably to eat. It wasn't for long. Percy cherished it nonetheless. As the door shut, he could finally breathe. Exhaling the tension he'd been holding onto all day.
Not just tension, though. Anger, resentment, defeat. Tears welled up in his eyes and in a fit of anger that spiked up, he threw his pillow across the room. It did no damage, merely hitting the wall and dropping to the floor. Whatever he was feeling diminished, it blew out like a candle and he felt more stupid than anything.
Does that make you feel better?
Are you okay now?
Is your fit over?
To think, no one else knows of your tantrum as of now
Imagine what they'd say
They'd laugh at you
Worse than last night
It felt good, though. He wanted nothing more than to destroy the rest of the room. Take all of the contents in his trunk and spew them all over. Throw the sheets and covers off his bed. Light his parchment papers and other school belongings on fire and watch them burn. Perhaps he'd take hold of Wood's things as well and mess them up, purely out of spite for his unwanted intervention and needless prodding.
It was childish. It was stupid.
But he didn't care.
Percy sat back down on the edge of the bed with a flop, a bitter smile on his lips. People would think of him as mad if they knew how he truly felt. How he hated Wood for getting in the way and saving him. He hadn't wanted to be saved. No living soul could know that, though. They'd be flabbergasted, whisper things about him. Worse yet, they would believe something was wrong with him and pity him for it. He would no longer just be the Black Sheep of the family according to himself, he would be known as the mental one who most likely would be better suited for a permanent bed in St. Mungos.
All too quickly, Wood was back. He didn't eat in the Great Hall, alongside the rest of the students. No, he came back up to the dorm with food not only for him, but Percy as well. Not that Percy asked for it-or wanted it, for that matter. Did he seem to care? Of course not.
Percy laid back on the bed when he heard the door start to open, making sure to roll on the opposite side that faced the wall. He said nothing as Wood informed him of what he'd brought and set it down on the nightstand.
Cue to now.
Wood was crumpling parchment paper. Repeatedly. It was disturbing the peace within the dorm. There was a cycle; intense scribbling proceeded by huffs of aggravation to which his dorm mate would then finally crumple the paper and toss it aside to the pile that had come about as a result. Percy, against his better judgement, flipped onto his other side, where he could watch Wood sit at the desk in the corner of the room. It was dark, bar a candle that was dimly lit up.
Wood was scowling down at whatever he was working on, his grip tightening on the quill he was using and the scribbling became worse. He was going to soak the paper with smudges at that point. But he paid no mind to it, as he must rather want it finished than care about its appearance. A wrong stance to take for Professor Snape took off points for the slightest things-smudges included.
Percy's attention zeroed in on the open window. It wasn't chilly by any means, not yet. The temperatures were still fair for the time of year and autumn would not fully set in for a few weeks. That wasn't it, though; flashbacks of that night came pooling in his mind the longer he stared.
The ripply water, the calm atmosphere, the owl.
"Can we shut the window?" Percy blurted out.
It was the first sentence he'd spoken in hours. Wood's head snapped up, his quill falling onto the desk and the ink that he'd just dipped it into made a large puddle right in the middle of what seemed to be the start of an essay. His dorm mate cursed.
"Sorry," Percy muttered.
"No, it's fine," Wood said, quickly. "Really, it's my fault." Percy wringed his hands, needing to do something so he wasn't sitting there so foolishly. "Er, did you say you wanted the window shut?"
"Please," Percy said and he hated how weak he sounded. It wasn't like him. It shouldn't have been. He wasn't weak. He was brave. He was a Gryffindor, he'd been sorted for there reason.
Hadn't he?
That's a lie
You aren't brave
You tried to kill yourself to get away from your problems
Not very much like a Gryffindor, is it?
Wood got out of the chair and shut it with a semi loud thud. Percy let out a silent breath of relief. "Merlin, this essay is a right bugger," Wood was trying to make conversation with him.
"Oh," Percy murmured.
"It's for Defense. I've no idea how to answer it," Wood complained, unhappily. He banged his head not so lightly against the desk as if doing it would unlock some capacity within him to answer it. With his forehead still on the edge, he said, "McGonagall's gonna have my hide if she finds out I've failed another essay. She already told me I can't play if I don't keep my grades up. My parents, too. They were furious when I came home with two dreadfuls after third year. One of those was potions, but divination wasn't that big of a deal. Not like I took it to be like Trelawney. It was my blow class, you know. Got really good naps in there."
He's begging
He thinks he can wear you down if he can enough sympathy
Prove him wrong
He doesn't deserve any help
Even if he saved your life
"Oh," Percy murmured.
What else was there to say?
"Are you tired?" Oliver asked offhandedly. Funny, in a way. Percy could've answered that in a million ways. By telling him just how his exhaustion was not simply due to a rough or two and could not be recovered by any means he would most likely suggest; but how deep it truly went and most of the time he struggled to reissis that desire to just drop everything and stay in bed.
There didn't seem much of a point to protest otherwise.
"Hope I'm not keeping you awake. Thought you were sleeping there for a while."
I wish, Percy thought miserably. It was pure torture to be awake this long. Out loud, he said whilst avoiding making eye contact, "Well, I'm not."
"S'good, I suppose," Wood said. "You should be, though. You look worn. Do you always look like that? Never noticed."
Of course you wouldn't have
You don't notice anything but quidditch
Much less someone like me
Percy's instinctual response was to retort that he was not worn looking. He didn't do that, however, knowing it was a futile endeavor. Wood wouldn't take it as a real answer and press further about why he was right and Percy wasn't. Isn't it amazing how you barely know him yet you've been able to figure out a fragment of what he's like? While he doesn't know you at all.
Percy shut his eyes, his head feeling like it was going to split open at any second. His headache was worse than it had been earlier, the dull sensation was now full on throbbing. A result, he grudgingly acknowledged, from not eating or drinking the correct amount he should have. His mum would have a fit, he thought wryly. She'd be lecturing him on being responsible while spoon feeding him.
Perhaps she does care
She has to, that's all
But maybe-
Do you even hear yourself? It's an obligation, is all. She's supposed to ensure you're well fed. Besides, even if she cares in that regard, that still doesn't prove much. If she finds out you're not eating well, she would get angry. If she found out the twins or Ron or Ginny weren't, she'd coddle them. She wouldn't lecture them or threaten to push them.
Percy stifled a yawn.
"You okay?" Wood asked him, genuinely interested.
"I'm fine."
"You sure?"
Percy suppressed a huff of frustration. "Yes."
He assumed Wood was going to go back to writing his essay, or, more accurately-scribbling and crumpling and tossing. He did not. Percy watched as Wood turned the chair over so he was facing Percy, slouching more than he had been. "I give up," he sighed. "I can't think anymore. I'll just take the zero. Course, Lupin seems decent. Maybe he'll take mercy on me. Guess I should be lucky this isn't for potions, Snape would murder me."
Percy didn't know what to say, so he shrugged.
Wood cleared his throat, which effectively made Percy tense. "Look, er," his dorm mate was shifting awkwardly, "I, erm, I know you...I know you don't want to talk 'bout it but I think we should."
Percy's heart began to hammer in his chest.
"I would rather we didn't," he said as calmly as he could muster. "There's nothing to discuss, really."
"That's a lie," Wood said, pointedly.
"It isn't."
"Yes, it is! You didn't just nearly fall off a broom on accident. You...you could've...well you know what I mean." It seemed Wood didn't like to say the words out loud, either. Then it came out in a whisper. A harsh whisper. "You could've died, for Godric's sake. How can you act like it's not a big deal?" He was flabbergasted by Percy's behavior.
Because it isn't
Because it doesn't matter
"I just don't get it-"
"Perhaps you should take that as something you don't need to get," Percy cut him off, tersely.
Because it isn't any of your business
He didn't like how they kept edging closer and closer to the subject. Couldn't they just leave it be?
Wood leaned forward in the chair, twiddling his hands, looking everywhere else but at him. "I guess I can't blame you for, well you know, not wanting to talk about it. But...but you can't pretend nothing happened. Aren't you going to tell anyone? Your family-"
"Don't you say a word about them!"
The temperature in the room dropped considerably.
Percy's hands were in fists and his breathing became heavy. "They don't need to know," he said after trying to calm himself down. The they won't even care went unsaid. "It isn't any of their business."
Wood was torn. Also slightly confused. "But they're your family." Those dreaded words. They burned a hole right through him. "Don't you... Don't you think your brothers and sister will be upset if you don't tell them?"
They won't care
They'll think I'm being dramatic
They'll laugh at me for having to be saved by you
They're the last people I'd want to know anything
"No," Percy said sharply. Then he exhaled. "Look, just drop this. Please."
"No," Wood repeated his own words. He was firm too. Percy hadn't expected that, admittedly. Which made him freeze. "We can't put this off. I'm not letting you."
Percy was exhausted. He didn't want to do this. Especially not now. "No," he shook his head. "Not now."
Wood crossed his arms. "When, then, if not now?"
"I don't know."
Never preferably
"Well, think of something. I'm holding you to it."
Percy glared at his dorm mate, weakly.
"Be mad all you want," Wood sounded like he didn't care, but there was something laced along in his voice. Percy couldn't decipher it at the moment. "I'm fine with that. But I'm serious, I want you to talk to me."
Percy blanched.
Why?
There's no reason to
I don't get it
Wood's face softened. He gave Percy a sad smile, one that made the red-head flinch; one that was yet again conveying pity. Percy could only bow his head. When Wood spoke next, the words sounded so incredibly distant.
"I...I know you really don't think so, but I do care, you know."